Nancy Morris's Blog, page 2

Priorities…

It’s been a strange Xmas in the Morris household… and it got me thinking about my current situation.

Over the last few months of 2015 – I have been feeling decidedly like a work-machine (which I don’t remember signing up for when I became a teacher) and I’m really not sure where it all started to go wrong. I used to pride myself in achieving a work-life balance – or even a work-work-life balance as I am a children’s writer as well as a teacher.

I’ve always been quite good at just getting the job done when it comes to a pile of stuff you don’t really want to do to make room for the real and pleasurable things in life. However, these days, the scales are heavily weighted down on the wrong side. (This reminds me of a funny story: one day I  had so much marking, my car started beeping at me; it thought my marking pile was a passenger who needed to buckle up!).

I am not happily going to accept this without putting up a fight.

Something has to change or I’ll spend month in month out moaning about a job I used to love (I hate moaners!) or worse still, end up signed off with stress which is happening to so many teachers around me – in the first few years of working in this profession, this was unheard of!

let’s face it – teaching doesn’t look set to become any easier so that change is going to have to come from me. My attitude is going to have to adapt or I’m going to miss out on valuable life which is ticking on regardless of how many observations we’ve passed, how many deadlines we’ve met or how many apathetic students we’ve managed to attain that C for. Controversial question: but shouldn’t some students be allowed to fail so they can learn they do actually need to work hard  and that’s nothing is for free in this life?

Teaching is on a fairly good pay grade which means it’s very hard to jump ship into something that will keep paying the bills you’ve taken on so it very gradually becomes a self-imposed ball and chain around your neck. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not out there only teaching your kids half-heartedly, on the contrary, this is the only part of the job left that is enjoyable and rewarding so they still get 100% of me. However, the rest of the job and it’s ever-increasing tick box duties will no longer get 100% from me – it’s unsustainable and I refuse to let it bleed me dry.

What’s important to me is my family, my animals, my friends, my writing ambitions and my health – so school, you come in at 5th place (see, you’re still important for paying the bills but you can’t have it all) I’m afraid and you’re just going to have to get used to it because I will always prioritise the above. I will always give my best but I won’t give more than that – that’s exclusive to positions 1 -4 :)

2016 is going to be about being a good daughter, wife, friend and animal mummy; it’s going to be about getting my writing mojo up and running again and it’s going to be about finding joy in every day life.

It’s time to wake up…

The Demon Dice: how it all began…

 

I haven’t kept a journal since I was a little boy but something happened to me today that I felt compelled to write down. For the first time in my life, I broke the law.

Let me explain before you judge: it came about unexpectedly. A family day out, to a  car boot sale, and we were all feeling relaxed and happy. It was a cold day but we were wrapped up and ready; thoughts of hot chocolate and big greasy burgers on our minds. We even had a bet on: who could find the best loot! We both knew dad wouldn’t win, he’d spend his whole time at the vinyl stores and even then he’d only buy one record to add to his golden collection but he’d  continue on about his lucky find all the way home! It was meant in jest. What I didn’t know then was that today was the last time we’d all be together and happy; I’d have appreciated it much more if I had.

Of course, I’d saved my pocket money and was ready to win the bet! We split up so that we could look at things that interested us personally;  the idea was that we’d meet up again, compare our loot and share lunch. Winner would get a large drink of whatever they wanted. I’d already decided that I’d have a huge hot chocolate with everything sprinkled on top: marshmallows, sprinkles, cherries, you name it!

After browsing through several open-boots, I came across one that was selling all the things that I love most: graphic novels, games, posters, movies… I’d hit the jackpot (I couldn’t have been more wrong). I was so excited – they had some real collectors’ magazines and I picked the best. I deducted the cost from my money and worked out that I could afford a poster too and even a video game! I began to hand my treasures to the seller, when a large woman pushed me aside to aggressively reach for something. How rude. I attempted to give her a mean stare but one look at her beady black eyes had me frozen, it was as if there was nothing behind them, they were cold, empty and lonely. They gave me the creeps. She didn’t even apologise, instead she rummaged about through the sale items causing some to tumble. This was when the old game, what I then thought was Monopoly, fell from its perch and I reached out to stop it falling. This is when my luck changed, for the worse. The seller thought I wanted to buy it and bagged it up with my magazine, this meant that I could no longer afford the video game, only the poster! Okay, so why didn’t I just say it wasn’t mine, right? Well, the guy looked so pleased to be selling it that I didn’t want to disappoint him. I’m too nice, or rather I used to be too nice. He was probably thinking what a mug I was for buying a stupid old board game. 

On handing me the bag full of purchases, my mood dropped. I had been excited to have all three desired items and now I was stuck with an old, smelly second hand game that would never be played – it probably had lots of missing pieces too! This is one of the many strange occurrences of the day; the large woman fixed me with those eyes and, I’m not kidding, she smiled at me. It wasn’t a pleasant smile. It was a smile that left me feeling as if I had been accosted by a mad woman and it made me shudder. I just wanted to get away fast but it wasn’t time to meet mum and dad yet.

Hurriedly, I made my way to another car-boot, just to kill the time. It was selling old collectable football cards. It made me smile because this is something dad and I used to share but somehow I’d grown out of it since I hit the teenage years. I was looking through the stacks for the sake of my younger self. I was aware that some of these were worth much more than the guy was asking, especially if you sold them on eBay; I got lost in the past as I flicked through players past and present.

The time was soon eaten by this simple joy and I found myself wandering over to the food stand to meet with mum and dad. Sure enough dad was clutching his precious vinyl and mum had only bought an old Stephen King novel – all bets were off: I’d, hands down, won the extra large hot chocolate. The day was suddenly looking up again and all thoughts of the rude black-eyed woman had been erased from my head.

That was until we were driving home. I discovered a valuable and collectable football card in my pocket and please believe me when I say: I had no recollection of putting it there. I had never stolen anything in my life and I felt a little sick. How had it happened?

Then another peculiar thing happened; I justified it by suggesting to myself that the collectable made up for the fact that I’d been forced to buy that Monopoly board. A bad decision. The game manipulated me in to make many, many bad decisions after this but we’ll come to that in good time; this was merely day one of a long, arduous, psychological battle. I didn’t know that then but now, a month later, I wish I’d taken the card back and I wish, with my whole heart, that I’d never bought that game.

One mistake often leads to another…

To be continued

‘Demon Match’

It all started with an old game he found at a car boot sale…

‘The Diary of Joel Willis’ coming soon to a blog near you! Follow Joel on his journey to beat the demon who lives inside the game and get his life back (what’s left of it).

This blog will be published during the run up to the publication of ‘Demon Match’ by Nancy Morris as a taster of what is to come. Of course, once the book is available, Joel will continue to add extra insights into the book so it can be enjoyed along side the reading of the novel and beyond.

Watch this space; it’s a dark space but it could be filled with anything…

A Leopard Can Change Its Spots

     One of my new year resolutions is to try to be more tidy at home (I’m trying to alter my long standing habits) : make the bed every morning before I disappear to work; put things back after I’ve used them and  de-clutter whenever I can. I read in ‘Psychologies’ magazine that people who tidy have more organised minds so I’m wondering if I reverse the above concept (‘if you build it, they will come’) it might encourage me to become efficient at last. Plus, I do feel calmer when all is right around me and if this leads to me managing my writing time more effectively then it’s got to be a winner. I know my husband, who is a neat freak, will be thanking the Lord of Miracles for this good fortune!

      This life choice could not have come at a better time. Some people might argue that it’s impossible to be tidy minded when you are about to move house (9 days) but I disagree, it’s the perfect occasion. Not only am I bringing a methodical approach to the packing, it’s something I can begin on a fresh slate – new beginnings. I love creating a home and although I’ll miss the one I’m in, I’m also very excited about moving into the new place as it has lots of interesting spaces, arches and shapes – endless possibilities to fly.

     I’m planning on creating some extremely relaxing places in this new home: I finally have a study (up in the attic) for my writing and will paint it a light, dusky violet: the colour of meditation. A flash of energising yellow somewhere (maybe the kitchen) will be vital and maybe some calming blues and sultry reds. You may have guessed I love colour: nothing depresses me more than Magnolia walls everywhere you look! Serene is what I’m after (teaching in a busy and cluttered environment means I want the complete opposite when I get home). 

    My favourite part of creating a new home is buying fun stuff: pictures, prints, mirrors etc: things that give it character. I also never feel guilty when it comes to spending money on the house – it doesn’t feel as self-oriented as buying clothes for some reason. If I’m going to spend money and time making it a place I love being then it stands to reason that it deserves to be kept tidy and clutter-free. All good intentions but I’m quite messy so this is going to take some real effort. I associate my untidiness with a reaction to being fed up with my life: why bother? Since I’ve become more positive this year (phew!) post spinal surgery (out of pain for first time in two years); hub going self-employed (he’s much happier); my first children’s book downloaded to Amazon and rediscovering the pleasure I get from teaching (you have to isolate it from all the crap that goes on around it in the workplace) then maybe it’s time for a slightly more evolved me?

     Now let’s see if it works and I am able stick to it – apparently it takes three months to break a habit so I’ve got a little ways to go yet. Then it’s on to the next resolution: improving energy and well-being! Good luck to everyone else out there who is trying to break the habits of a life time – let me know how you fair!

    

   

 

Capturing the Christmas Fairy

 

I hope that everyone has had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a fantastic 2014.

 

The magic of Christmas. If it came in a pretty red bottle, we’d be buying it by the crate load… What is it exactly?

Some people say Christmas is just for children (sorry for the triteness – I’ll be saying puppies aren’t just for Xmas in a minute and they’ll boot me off WordPress) but I’m not one of them.True, you can’t beat that sleepless Christmas Eve feeling that you only got as a kid (now I sleep through the night after a couple of Mulled wines thanks very much); when the night seems to last the same duration as the current year. Tossing and turning in tight sheets, you glance at the clock to see if the hands have moved at all. They usually haven’t. You screw your eyes shut tight, willing sleep but it laughs in your face and makes you hotter, more fractious and adrenaline courses through your festive veins faster than Santa on his sleigh. You hear rustling as parents (who’s kidding who if you think your wee ones are actually asleep?) push unbearably inviting wrapped parcels into your stockings and sacks – or an old pillow case if you were in my family.

And then…

The utter feeling of euphoria when it’s finally the time your parents said it would be okay to get up and, despite the fact you haven’t slept a wink, it’s the best morning of the whole year.

Sure, we can’t expect that any longer but you can still feel that fuzzy, warm festive mood. The Christmas tingle is rather illusive though isn’t it? For many years I’ve sought it out: buying a gorgeous tree and adorning it with beautiful baubles; buying ornaments for around the house; opening the advent calendar; ordering much seasonal food and drink; all in the name of capturing the magic. A lot of times I’ve failed though – because I just tried too hard.

This year I caught that pesky little Christmas fairy, trapped it in the bottle and firmly put a stopper in the top. Sounds a bit cruel I know but when you find it and it settles in to your home, you must pounce! What did I do different? I didn’t expect a thing. Everything was a bit last minute and rather spontaneous. I didn’t worry if I’d managed to get all my cards out (sorry if you were one of those); I even laughed when I mixed a couple of gifts up (well it was funny: my slim little sis ended up with a size 16 tunic meant for my mum and my mum got a tiny, slinky, sexy nightie); the tree went up later and we risked getting the Xmas food delivered last minute as supermarkets are my idea of hell on Earth. Somehow, it all just fell together and my hub and I had the best, most relaxing and happy Xmas we’ve had in years. A winner!

So, for future reference? That Xmas Fairy only likes to land in your home under its own terms and in fact, the less prepared you are, the more likely it will visit with you awhile… I hope it visited you too.

And so onwards to New Year and a million writing resolutions loom. Please stay with me on my journey to get book number two published: ‘Demon Match’ (currently working hard on its ending) – it can be lonely out there for a children’s author so any followers are much appreciated

 

‘Whispers in the Attic’

A haunting tale of ghosts through time – travel with Emily back, back, back… Unravel the mystery and ride the twists and turns.

Feeling Wintery

The wind is blowing hard through the trees, threatening to break branches. My summer wind chimes have given up the ghost and are lying prone in dirt. The first winter woolies have found their way out of drawers, crumpled with neglect.

It’s winter.

*Sound of screeching breaks* Hold the phones! It is not all bad. There’s something incredibly cosy about hearing raging winds outside; the darkening day forcing you to reach for glowing lamps; the chill in the air that has you rummaging for the cosiest of knits. It’s a great excuse to curl up with a book without guilt. When it’s sunny and bright outside there is always that part of you that must rush out and do something productive; whereas on a day like today, you can comfortably reach for your Kindle, or a paperback (which ever one lights your fire): conscience free.

This weather is good for writers too: no sighing at the beautiful weather whilst you meet your blogging deadline, or your daily word count. Just pop on the kettle and make a lovely hot beverage and delight in the fact that nobody is going to think you’re strange for staying indoors alone today. This is our comfort zone; winter is a haven for writer’s and creative people alike. 

Of course, not every day is too bad to go out – we are also privy to some wonderful sunny, cold days that are perfect for walks, pub lunches, shopping, meeting friends for lunch, Christmas shopping etc but just now and again, winter allows us to do our thing, uninterrupted. 

Whispers in the Attic

 

The Magic of Children’s Fiction

I broke my weekly blog promise last weekend but believe me it’s better that way – you were spared one fuelled by a heavy cold and much feeling sorry for myself… 

It’s blog Sunday (I like to alternate the day – keeps me on my toes) and with the extra hour it still feels early in the day: time to pounce on the keyboard before real life kicks in and starts making demands! *takes a sip of coffee*

Recently I have been pondering why I enjoy writing for kids – hmmm let me count the ways! Firstly, being an adult can sometimes suck big-time: work to go to (definitely don’t have enough titles out there yet to fund part-time); bills to pay; chores to do and authority figures consistently desiring to stomp on your dreams. Secondly, all writers are slightly mad: most feel that fitting into that neat, deep hole above is not for them. We do not enjoy anything that constrains us and prefer a life in a grey area. Lastly, (for the sake of a the three point rule) I am a big kid.

This final reason is the main. When I write for kids, I whisk myself off to a world viewed through their eyes. This involves blocking out the lame worries and concerns of the adult world and embracing that of the human newbie. I’m not saying that kids don’t have their fair share of worries (and some have to deal with some pretty hideous home-lives), what I am saying in that there is a sense of newness, a fresh journey – a sense of a future untrod. Yes, they have anxieties but they’re new, previously unexperienced ones and how they deal with them shapes their future selves.  We all wish we could go back in time and be our younger selves but with wiser heads on our shoulders (minus the wrinkles) – or is that just me? We want to advise our younger selves but if we hadn’t made the mistakes we want to prevent, we wouldn’t be the people we are. Of course, there’s also that wonderful notion of being able to sit at the back of class and get all the answers right, or say that thing you never said to that one bitchy girl.

This kid I was, or the one that currently resides in a small section of my mind: the one who still secretly holds contempt for authority but has an unlimited imagination, is the one I keep alive through: writing! I’m clearly not ready to push her away yet because there’s a few titles I still need to write, maybe she’ll always be there and I’ll never move into adult fiction, or maybe I’ll juggle both. I’m sure we’ll both me happy with the compromise.

Meanwhile – I’m going to continue to enjoy releasing the kid as I write: I love the fact that I can stretch boundaries in children’s fiction, distort the truth a notch, play what-if… For any adult readers who happen upon my books, you’ll notice I use many extended metaphors and I hope you get some joy out of unravelling them but, to be completely honest, for my target audience: I’m happy if they read it simply as an awesome adventure that explores many different imaginative worlds.  

In ‘Whispers in the Attic’:

‘http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whispers-Attic-Nancy-Morris-ebook/dp/B00FCAZHYW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382869

, Emily travels back in time to the 1970s and then even further back to the late 1800s – a time-travelling ghostly adventure. On the surface, an exciting journey to unravel a mystery that takes the protagonist on a twisting and turning ride to the challenging resolution. On another level it explores intertwining stories of childhood neglect and insecurity.

My next novel: ‘Demon Match’ will take you to a world where a spirited, successful, likeable boy battles a demon through a series of chance cards. The winner takes all; the loser forfeits his goodness. 

Where I will travel from there is being cooked up in the pots and pans of my mind (it’s a busy room) and I’ll let you know when it takes form… What I do know is that writing for children helps me escape from ordinary life and whilst I still love it, I will continue against the odds. After a crazy day at work, it is often just the solace I need and often beats watching a movie in order to relax. When I’m writing, I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing and you can’t beat that.

Here’s to living in the grey!

 

How to end a story aimed at kids…

It’s Saturday again so it must be Blogurday!

Before I talk about story endings, I must stop and mention my crazy day of bad luck yesterday. Why? Because it reminded me of what every day must feel like to my main protagonist in ‘Demon Match’: Joel Willis. I thought I’d had a rough day but when you read about this poor fellow, it pales into insignificance!

You be the judge – bad day, bad luck or karma picking at my bones? Day began with sad news that my husband’s nan had suffered a stroke (so already we’re worrying about her and of course, hub’s mum); then I went into work to find out that the department I work for (in a secondary school) is going to have to suffer another inspection (more stupid amounts of work and more glittery hoops to jump through); then, at the end of my working day, I decide to pop into the local supermarket for some provisions – as I’m leaving the car park in pouring rain, someone’s car smashes into the side of mine; later that evening, the hub proposes to order a takeaway to cheer me up but by doing so (whilst I open the wine only to have the cork break) , discovers that both his cards have been frozen due to fraud and he spends the next hour or so on the phone to the bank. It goes without saying that I decided to cut the day short with an early night and am already feeling much better today.

My string of events yesterday reminds me of the book I’m currently writing, where Joel is plagued by a demon who inhabits a board game that communicates through Chance cards – the chances get harder and harder and Joel, who was once a perfect A* student, fins his life falling apart piece by piece until he becomes almost unrecognisable to himself. Once you start the game you have to finish – and nobody has ever won against the demon before. I got a taste of his medicine yesterday which may cause me to show more empathy for him and maybe even supply him with a happy ending… We’ll see.

Now, I’m getting close to the ending at 65000 words (and it’s a book aimed at young teens) – hoping to write about 75000 and then edit. In other words; I’m nearing the resolution and I have three different endings planned. Hence the topic of this blog. 1: he beats the demon in a big crisis and everyone ends up happy 2: The demon inevitably wins and all the good parts of Joel’s soul end up imprisoned in one of the game counters – ready for a sequel  3: Number 1 but with a few loose ends – like he is saved but life is not quite as it was before etc – so still open for a sequel.

I asked my students what they thought and I pretty much had a divided group – who ended up not voting with their hearts but compromising with option 3 (very sweet of them).

Personally, I like a tragic ending that leaves me wanting to read the next book to find out if the boy can be saved by someone else… but then I am a fan of adult horror fiction such as Stephen King, however I’m not so sure I should do this to a younger age group. Then again, I’m not a fan of the satisfactory resolutions in children’s fiction that seem forced and unreal. Even in ‘Whipsers in the Attic’ (available on Amazon), despite the character finding her way home – she has to make some very difficult decisions to get there and there’s a twist!

So – do I go with the safe option or dare to write the scary alternative? Maybe I should take my advice from last week’s blog and walk it out tomorrow in the woods. Any comments or feedback most welcome.

Nothing like a walk to get everything in perspective…

It’s Saturday so that means it’s blog time and I have promised myself to keep this up whether tis a small offering to nibble on, or a full on main course…

This week everything seemed to catch up with me; I stopped, looked around and BAM: I got hit by what had been building for weeks. I had, up until this point, been making fabulous progress since my spinal surgery and then my back decided to bite back. The cause? According to my wonderful physiotherapist lady, I shouldn’t have tried to go back to work full time from day one; I should be gradually building up. Of course, I didn’t mention that I’m also a writer and when I’m not teaching, I’m usually either drafting, editing or learning how to promote my new children’s book: 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whispers-in-the-Attic-ebook/dp/B00FCAZHYW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380978072&sr=8-1&keywords=whispers+in+the+attic

Well, it resulted in an enforced rest in which to begin with I just felt more stressed and anxious (about not being at work) but which now has finally resulted in me taking stock and realising that somewhere along the line I have to make time for joy.

Walking to my local town today, I had time to think. It was probably the most chilled I’ve been all week. I used this Saturday stroll to ponder on what had been making me anxious and then I decided: to let it go… Up past the clouds and beyond. Where I’ve been going wrong is living in the anxious moment instead of letting it fly. I seem to have lost the ability to ditch work worries; anxieties about selling the book and concerns for the future. I made a promise to myself to don an oily coat (in a Size 8 please) from now on and let the pressures of life drip off it – they may rest there for an instant, only to be dealt with and then no more. I’ll let you know how I get on…

Meanwhile – I’m loving this walking thing so tomorrow I will take these feet to my local country park and see what else I can learn! Who knows, I may make a final decision on how I want my second novel: ‘Demon Match’ to be resolved… Which leads me to an idea for next Saturday’s blog. Being a children’s writer (at present), I feel compelled to offer happy endings but I have always personally enjoyed a dark cliff hanger when it comes to ghost stories and paranormal fiction. This week at school: I’m going to ask the kids I teach what they prefer and muse on this in my next instalment.

What’s your favourite type of ending?