Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Blog, page 79

Tomorrow's My Birthday

I love my birthday. For years I've given people reminders on the daily for weeks leading up to my birthday. I do birthday count downs. I buy myself presents.

This year is the first in many that I'm actually looking forward to my birthday again. Thank heavens I threw myself a big bash 50th the year I turned 45! (Hey, what better way to hear, "Gosh, you look great!) My real 50th sucked because it was just six months after my marriage imploded. It's the one I was sure would last forever and when it ended I was heart-broken. I just bore down and did what needed to be done so that I could get to the next day. I kept myself really busy. And because I'm a glass-half-full kinda girl, I didn't do too much whining. I counted my blessing. (I have a lot of blessings so that ate up a lot of time.)

With my 52nd birthday around the corner I'm more like my old me: Happy in my heart. I find myself whistling and laughing to myself a lot more. And all that's left now is to figure out what I'll buy myself this year for my birthday.

When you look at other people's lives you never know what shit they're dealing with. It may look all rosy from where you're standing, but everybody — absolutely everybody — has crap in their lives. It's how you deal with your crap that makes all the difference in the world.

If you've hit a wall, if your life feels like unadulterated hell, if you can't imagine ever finding your feet again, breathe. You must KNOW that this too will pass and you must BELIEVE that you can have the life you want. It may take some time. It may require that you just bear down and do the day-to-day for a while. Remember, where you are today is not where you're going to be tomorrow. So suck it up and push forward.

And for y'all who are having a great life, I hope you're remembering to say, "thank you." It won't always be sunshine and buttercups, so enjoy it now and store up the energy for when your storm clouds appear on the horizon.

Life is a series of cycles. We go up. We come down. We coast for a while and then we hit some bumps. We work hard so that, in the end, it all balances out.

There are days that I wonder if I'll make it to bedtime. Then there are days like this one, where I'm full of optimism and joy and anticipation. (Can you imagine how boring it would be if every day was like every other day. Shoot me!) Overall, the joy exceeds the terror, so I have a good life. And when I go to bed at night, for every day that's been fabulous (most of them) I end by shouting at the top of my voice, "I love my life."

Then I listen to my children chuckling at their idiot-mother and I know how blessed I am.

Bring on the next year! I can hardly wait to see what it brings. Happy Birthday to ME!

——————–

Want to win a copy of Debt-Free Forever? Tell me a joke for my birthday. If I laugh out loud when I read it, I'll put your name in the draw. I'll give away 5 copies of Debt-Free Forever in total. If you want it autographed, let me know. (I don't write in people's books unless they want me to.)

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Be an island. Then be a peninsula.

I meet people all the time who want to beat me up because I advocate financial independence within couples. "Com'on Gail, marriage means you have to be a team." "Yeah, it's about trust." "Just because you've been divorced three times doesn't mean we're all headed that way."

Y'know what, they're all right. Every one of them has a point. But nothing they've said has changed my mind. I believe with all my heart that to be strong as a couple, you each have to be capable of standing on your own two feet. You have to be an island. Then be a peninsula.

Being on the same team means you're going to set your goals together and help each other meet those goals. If one of those goals is to have a family, then together you have to decide how you will provide care and money to take care of that family. If one of you decides to stay home, that doesn't mean the money-maker gets to make all the decisions about how the money gets spent or abdicate home-care responsibilities. But so often, that's exactly what happens.

It also often happens that the non-working partner ties themselves completely to their mate financially. They share a bank account; there are no individual accounts. They share credit. One may even give up his or her financial identity completely. Hey, I've seen it. And it isn't healthy.

I'm not saying your relationship is sure to bust. I am saying that to be good for each other and strong together, you each need to be taking care of the money – individually and as a team – and you each need to be independent.

You won't both always want the same thing at the same time. If one person has more power in the family – financial or otherwise – the other's needs will be swept aside. Not good for long-term contentment.

You must each be clear about what you need, want, expect from your relationship. And it can't just be clear in one guy's mind. You have to talk about it, negotiate the gray areas, come to a happy place where you're each getting some of what you want.

Being an island isn't so bad y'know. It is scary for some people. That idea of independence makes some people want to duck and hide behind words like love, and trust and honour and team. But independence doesn't negate any of those things. It enhances them because each and every day you're choosing to be together, not defaulting to togetherness because you're trapped.

Once you see yourself as independent you can then talk about how you enrich each other's lives.  You'll talk about what you'll do to make sure you have each other's backs. And you'll listen to each other because "together" isn't the default. It's what you get by acting like a team. Yup, now you're a peninsula.

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The Ways We Save 6

It's the little things we do differently that can really add up to big savings. Maria says:

My husband and I were expecting our first baby and we wanted a video camera to capture all those precious moments.  My husband is a loyal coffee buyer and he always prefers to use bills at the drive thru instead of change.  The change had already started accumulating in the car so I started to take the change from his coffee runs and store them in a tin can.  Within 6 months we had just over $650 and we were able to buy a really nice video camera.

The best part was that neither of us felt deprived and it was an easy and lazy way to save without feeling it.

Lana says: I google coupon codes for whatever online store I am shopping from (I rarely shop, but sometimes you just have to). The last item I bought I saved $25 (a 1/4 of the total cost) by using a code I found in just a few clicks of my mouse. The "savings," well, every penny that's left at the end of the month goes onto my debt repayment.

Lori says: Shop in your closet! Get in there, clean up the clutter and fix the items you have so that you don't need to spend more money on similar items. Then you can put that money towards debt or investments. I am trying to do this myself, to only buy necessary items or accessories to jazz up what I have already for the next year.

Kimberley says: I am a frugal person and try my best to stay within our budget and maximize our savings. One of my best money-savings tips is to get rid of a smartphone! I had a blackberry and was stuck in the middle of a 3 year contract, I called the phone company and told them my blackberry was broken and I would be switching back to my old (regular) cell phone. My monthly payments have decreased by 2/3.

I intend to cancel my cell phone contract once it is up for renewal, I will then simply have a pay-as-you-go plan and use it only for emergencies. My husband's cell contract was up, and he canceled it entirely as he has a work cell phone that he could use in emergency situations. We have filled the 'gap' by getting a landline in our home, which we 'bundle' with our tv package (the minimum, basic package) and internet (the cheapest option) – the bundling has saved us an additional 15% on our services.

Cell phones/ smart phones, cable, and internet often add a large monthly bill to households. It is an area that could easily be cut back without anyone's life being any less enjoyable (while reaping increased cash flow available to pay down debt or invest in savings)!

Sometimes to find the money to save you have to give up something you thought was important. But if you can find the right motivation, it's amazing what you can part with. Just ask Ivan:

We had around $10,000 of credit card debt left but we were not moving along as fast as we wanted. We had two cars that we were paying for, one of them was BMW which cost us $655/month plus insurance, repairs! So we decided to sell the car and manage to live with one car. Luckily we sold the car the next day it was listed, we broke even with what was owed on it, however we freed a lot of money to improve cash flow and attack the debt with vengeance.

Total we ended up saving just over $9,000 in one year!

Credit card debt is gone and now we are a full steam ahead with saving money for the house down payment. We have no debt now except condo and school loans (which are getting paid off much faster now).

And sometimes the thing you thought was important is too small to really make a difference, so you just don't bother. But you should. Ask Heather:

Love your show. Love your no-nonsense approach to money management. With your tips we will be out of debt in 10 months!

Saving Strategy: Frustrated by my husband's Tim Horton's habit, I decided to put that change to better use. He was given a small coffee maker and nice coffee for a Christmas present from my mother. January 1st of this year I started a

'Twoonie Tin'. My goal was to put a Twoonie away for the five work days he would have bought a coffee. My original goal was to save up $500 by the fall for our Christmas fund. In the past we had just juggled the money to come up with enough to cover the presents.

Savings So Far: As of last night (April 25,2011) we have saved $440 just in Twooines.

These Savings have not yet been spent. By the fall we should have around $1000 at the rate we are saving. This will cover all of the Christmas presents as well as a weekend family holiday.

This might be small potatoes compared to some people, but it is a huge leap for us. In the distant past we did not budget for the expense of the holidays. It is such a relief to have this covered without taking away from any other expenses.

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Prepping for Baby

The rabbit died! That's bad news for the rabbit but great news for you. You're about to become a mommy or a daddy. Congrats!

Course, the fact that you're bringing a new life into the world, one for which you will be totally responsible, comes with both enormous joy and a little trepidation. Once you get over the initial high, you'll have to deal with the mundane questions: Will you have enough to buy what you need for baby? How much income will you have on mat leave? Will you be able to stay home for the full year? How will you split your mat leave with your partner, if you have one.

This is a major life step, and it's one a lot of people fall into "accidentally." I kill myself with laughter when I hear that. Really? Cos you don't know where babies come from?

Step #1: Find out how much money you'll receive on maternity leave. If you're using every penny of your income(s) to make ends meet, you may be in for a bit of a shock when you have to do so on less money. How much less? Well that depends on whether you'll get a top-up at work or not. If you don't you may be in for a shock when you find out what your maternity leave benefits amount to.

Step #2: Make a budget for your mat leave. Hey, you can keep flying by the seat of your pants but I guarantee you'll end up in debt. With a little foresight and some planning you can come out of this will your financial life still in balance. If your income is going down, you'll have to prioritize where you'll spend your money.

If you've already been taking my advice and you know which of your expenses (fixed and variable) are nice-to-haves and which are must-haves, you'll know where to turn first to trim back on your expenses. Eating out, entertainment and big-boy and big-girl shopping will come to a grinding halt. With a new baby in the house, this is all about making sure you can make ends meet and incorporate those new little expenses (about to become big expenses) into your life. You'll be exchanging your disposable income for disposable diapers!

Step #3: Practice living on one income. Don't wait until baby's arrival to put your new budget into action. Start while you're preggers and not only will you be more practiced when the little bundle of joy arrives, but you'll have a whack of extra money to achieve a bunch of things like:

• paying off your consumer debt,

• building up your emergency fund, and

• socking away some money for baby stuff.

Step #4: Pay off your consumer debt. The last thing you want to have to deal with while living on a reduced income is interest costs and debt repayment. So work hard now (get thee a second job) and get your consumer debt GONE. Yah, you had your fun. Now you know why it was such a bad idea to put all that crap on credit. Whatever your reason for having consumer debt, get it gone. Negotiate your interest costs down, transfer balances to lower cost options, and get that sucker paid off.

Step #5: Build up your emergency fund. If you're living on one income and you've got another mouth to feed, you can't afford to be cavalier about your emergency fund. A loss of the primary job at this point would be devastating financially. So would any unforeseen negative shift in circumstances. You must have an emergency fund in place. Aim for six months worth of essential expenses… those must-haves we've talked about.

Step #6: Decide what you'll need for baby. Check with friends and family for what they found most useful. See who has stuff in storage you can bum for a while. Don't get suckered into dumb crap like specialty diaper disposal units or wipe warmers. (Seriously?) If you know someone will be throwing you a shower, register for the things you really want. Shop second hand. And be creative when it comes to doing up baby's room. Invest in pieces you'll have for a very long time, but don't waste money on pretty little nothings that baby will outgrow (furniture wise as well as clothing wise) in no time flat.

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Poll Results: Debt-Free Forever?

I'm always flattered when I meet people who have taken my message to heart and are headed to Debt-Free Forever. And I like to check in from time to time to see how y'all are doin'. So I asked the question, "How's your debt?" Here's what you said:

18% said you're debt free. Congrats!
34% said you only have your mortgage left. You make me so happy.
And then there's the rest of ya:
11% of you go into overdraft every month. Why? Why are you doing this? Get a grip!
3% of you have a buy-now-pay-later. I hope you're planning to have that paid off in time.
3 people said they have a pay advance loan. Oy!
22% of you have a balance on your line of credit, and
30% of you have a balance on your credit card. But you're working to get these paid of PDQ, right? RIGHT?
20% of you are still paying off your student loans. But you're paying more then the minimum set by the student loan system so it won't take you a decade, right?

When I asked if you know how much interest you paid, 55% of you did NOT. So you're deluding yourselves because you're not adding up what all that debt is costing you. However, I do consider the 45% who have added it up to be a huge step in the right direction.

Sometimes I delve deeper into a particular area with a follow-up question. When I asked "Are you in overdraft?"

68% of you said NEVER. But that still leave 32%, which is higher than the previous poll reported.
8% said All the time
3% said Often… these two add up to the 11% above
21% said Sometimes… you guys are the ones who didn't say yes before… maybe because you use your overdraft so infrequently you don't consider it a problem.

Y'all know that you should check your credit rating a couple of times a year, right? When I asked, "When was the last time you checked your credit rating?" 34% of you said "never." Okay, so you just don't care? Maybe you're not using credit… hey, I'm all for that. And you never plan to use credit. Okay, you don't have to check your credit rating 'cos you don't have one and never plan on needing one. Everyone else, heads up. You need to know what your credit report says about you, and if all the info reported is true. 26% of you said you hadn't checked in over a year. What's stopping you?  You can do so for free once a year, so if you do Equifax in the spring and Transunion in the fall, you've got it covered. For the 40% of you staying on top of this, well done!

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The Yin Yang of Money

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You've likely seen the yin yang. It's the symbol that shows how opposing forces create a whole. It's the balance between night and day, winter and summer, hot and cold, soft and hard. In is the interaction of yin and yang that maintains the harmony of the universe. Yin energy is calm, wet, cooling. Yang energy is hot, fast, dry. Yin is associated with water, earth, the moon and the female; Yang is all about fire, sky, the sun and the male.

Life is always about trying to return to balance. So on hot days we choose cool salads and crave ice cream. On cold days it's the hot foods like soup, stew and chili that we seek as "comfort" foods.  After a hot day in the sun, we love the feeling of cool cream slathered on our pink skin. After a cold day of skiing or snowboarding, a long hot tub returns us to balance.

I want you to look at the yin yang symbol. Do you see how the white side has a black dot, and the black side has a white dot? Even as yin yang illustrates the whole is made up of disparate parts, there is a nugget of the opposite within each side. Since nothing in nature or in life is purely black or white, the symbol includes a small black spot in the white swirl, and a corresponding white spot in the black swirl. There's a little Yang within the Yin, and vice versa.

That's life folks: opposite forces working together, and even within those forces, other forces, all seeking to create balance. And the same is true for money.

You can't do any one thing to the exclusion of all the other pieces. You must put things in balance for the whole to work. That means saving some money even as you are working your butt off to pay off your debt. It means looking for small ways to cut costs, even as you spend to keep a roof over your head and to enjoy your life. Doing anything to the exclusion of anything else leaves you vulnerable because your money isn't in balance.

I've long extolled how important it is to take care of your money as a whole. We have to look at both sides of the balance sheet to make sure we're moving along to where we want to be next. It doesn't matter where you are right now, if you want to be somewhere else – in a better place – you need to look at the whole and create some balance. So if you've been shopping up a storm, racking up debt, and having nothing saved for the future, you're yin yang is out-of-whack and you'll be miserable. You might not be miserable now as you relish the hot of acquisition and pleasure, but it's only a matter of time before you feel the cold of bill collectors and not being able to keep a roof over your head.

I try to live my life in balance. It doesn't always come easy, contrary to what some people think. It actually takes work. Balancing career with family means saying no to some opportunities to make money so that I have the time with my children I need to have to be a good mother and teacher.  Flying hither and yon (which I despise) to make a buck means being able to take the children on that trip that will open up their world and expand their horizons. I'm always balancing what I'll do for money with what I want to accomplish elsewhere in my life. And I weigh carefully what I have against what I need and what I want so that I don't end up unbalancing my life in a way that'll takes heaps of energy to correct.

One of the mantras I use with the children is this: Where we are today is not where we'll be tomorrow.

If life is good, say thank you and hang on; bumps ahead. If life sucks, know that it's all about to change; just hang on.

The same is true with your money. There will be times when you run short, have to scrounge to come up with rent, or must work three jobs because the caca has hit the fan. And there will be times when you feel like you're rolling in clover. If you remember that the point is to find balance, you'll be able to adjust and do what you must to keep things flowing as smoothly as possible.

Can you see how important an emergency fund is to the whole idea of balance? How about setting aside a little sumthin' sumthin' now for the future when you're not working? How about getting to DFF?

How close are you to balanced? What's thrown your yin yang out of balance and how have you dealt with it?

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Hunches in Bunches

Ever find yourself dithering over what to do?  You guess and second-guess the right course of action. You just can't take the first step forward. Inertia is nailing your feet to the floor.

Hunches in Bunches is all about a lad who simply can't make up his mind. He meets a number of Hunches – the Very Odd Hunch, the Homework Hunch, the Four-Way Hunch, the Sour Hunch, and the Nowhere Hunch – each of which has its own opinion. The boy becomes so confused he freezes.

That's how a lot of people feel when it comes to making decisions about what to do with their money. With differing opinions on which way is the right way, no way is where we go.

Let's take the example of life insurance. One side of the argument says permanent life insurance is a waste of money. The other side says term insurance is a rip-off. And there you sit in the middle. As the protagonist in Hunches of Bunches says, "The trouble is I had a mind, but I couldn't make it up." Not surprising since every argument seems to carry as much weight as the next.

Can I tell you there's no one right answer for everyone, which is why all the alternatives out there exist. Permanent is right for some people. Term is right for others. And what you must do is figure out what's right for you.

The same holds true for the RRSP vs the TFSA debate; yes an RRSP is the single best retirement savings vehicle in Canada, expect when it doesn't work for YOU. It isn't about one size fits all when it comes to money. It's about creating the custom fit that's just right for you. And you have to be careful not to be so influenced by all the Hunches out there that you end up like One Duck Stuck in the Muck: unable to move in any direction.

While you don't want those Hunches to boss you around, you should listen to your instincts. Don't be too quick to follow them, but don't ignore them completely. Instead ask yourself, "Why did I think that" or "why do I feel this way?" And listen to your little voice's answer.

Make sure you know all your alternatives when you're trying to make a decision. Make a list and check it twice. Write down all the options you have available.

Know what you know; find out what you don't know. You can't make a sound decision if you're ignorant of the issues, rules, upsides and downsides. Go back to your list of alternatives and identify the pros and cons of each potential action you can take.

Take your time. Put away your list for a couple of days and then come back to it. (You have to come back to it or you're procrastinating yourself out of the decision.) A little distance will put some perspective on the decision you have to make.

Then make the damn decision. Ultimately, you must take some action. Endlessly analyzing and agonizing won't get you closer to a solution. Action will.

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The Ways We Save 5

Looking at what's really, really important can be a huge motivator to find money to save. Here's Maria:

Our saving strategy is to aggressively pay off our mortgage so that I could take time off work to stay home with our children.  We opted for a mortgage with the option of increasing payments by 20% per year and making a 20% lump sum payment per year.  We've only been able to make a few lump sum payments and never the full 20% but we've always increased our bi-weekly payments by 20% per year.  We truly haven't felt the increase because it comes directly from our bank account.  I think of lot of people don't believe that doing this is possible but people waste so much money on truly needless things – eating out, spa treatments, shopping splurges, etc.  I enjoy these things but always within our budget.

We're literally saving thousands of dollars in interest by paying off our mortgage within 10 years instead of 25 years.

Our mortgage will be paid off by December 2011 and with this I will be able to take 5 years off of work to stay home and be with my children.  We are expecting our second baby in July and being able to take this time off without the burden of a mortgage or any consumer debt is the best decision we have ever made.

It's amazing how create people get when they want to find ways to save. While it might not be a strategy for everyone, Karen and her partner have saved on their fixed expenses so they have more for the things that are important:

My name is Karen, I live in very expensive Vancouver, BC with my partner Viktor. Over 7 years ago my partner and I rented a 5-bedroom house with another couple, after living together for a year, the other couple moved out.  My partner and I wanted to stay in house and couldn't afford the rent alone.  We decided to furnish 3 bedrooms and have roomies share the rent for a flat fee (including the often fought over toilet paper).  After 7.5 years, 40 + roomies, and over $150,000 in rent paid, we've managed to pay less than 30% of the rent from our own pockets – a savings of ~$100,000.  Granted, we paid some up front costs and up keep of furniture (all used & often given to us from friends), a second fridge, a freezer and laundry facilities which cost us ~$5,000.  Over 90% of the roomies were great and we never had huge issues with anyone who lived with us.   We used the money saved to give us both time to explore career opportunities, time for longer and more frequent vacations and increasing our savings.  Maybe one day we will buy our own home and continue with our money saving strategy.

Sometimes when you want to save for something specific it means you have to make more money. There can be some big side-benefits to a second job, as Danielle and her husband found out:

In order for us to save more money, especially when we were saving for our wedding, my husband took on a part-time job: mystery shopping! We came up with that particular strategy indirectly: in addition to my own full-time job, I began coaching figure skating part-time, so I couldn't make any more than I was. My husband mentioned we wanted to earn more money and put is joy for writing into use. I suggested mystery shopping, something I'd looked into when I was a student. Based on that one company that I'd suggested, he enrolled and found another 90 companies in North America and has now been paid by approximately 40 of them. It was nice that we was able to continue to earn some, although not as much, when he lost his job in the Dec 2008 economic crisis, maximizing his EI benefits.

Some of the jobs provide direct cash payments and we've used that to pay for items like his cell phone bill and gas as they are necessities of the job. But some of the jobs simply provide the benefit/item consumed and here are a few examples of what we've been able to do for free or getting a very big discount:

3 Toronto Raptors games
1 Toronto Maple Leafs game
concert at the Air Canada Centre
60% off stay at the King Edward Hotel in Toronto for our 5th anniversary (pre-wedding!)
return train ticket, Toronto to Montreal
gas and food while traveling throughout Ontario
50% off 1 night at a hotel in LA during our honeymoon
countless free dinners at a variety of restaurants
numerous free bowling outings
groceries, clothes, christmas gifts, etc

As the savings we've earned with this strategy aren't long-term oriented, we've been spending it as it comes in. In approximately 3 years of work, with just the cell phone ($50) and a conservative estimate of 1 gas refill per month ($50), we've been able to "save", i.e., apply $3600 towards are debt we'd otherwise not been able to. Thus an estimate of amount saved is difficult to discern.

So the savings we earned first allowed for us to pay for parts of our wedding, but mostly it has provided us with the luxury of going out-and-about, sometimes doing things we'd never pay for out of pocket (like the Raptors and Leafs games) while working extremely hard to pay off our debt (12 more months to go to being debt free forever)!

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The A, B, Cs of Money: P

PEG: Short for Price/Earnings to Growth, it's widely used as an indicator of a stock's potential value. The lower the PEG, the more a stock is undervalued. To calculate the PEG ratio, divide the Price/Earnings Ratio by the Annual Earnings Per Share (EPS).

POISON PILL: To discourage hostile takeovers, companies strive to make themselves less attractive to an acquirer using one of two types of poison pills: 1) a "flip in" lets existing shareholders (except the guy doing the raiding) buy more shares at a discount. 2) a "flip over" let's shareholders buy the raider's shares at a discount after the deal is done.

PREFERRED SHARES: This class of ownership has a higher claim on the assets and earning of the company than does common stock. Usually there's a dividend that must be paid before dividends to common shareholders, which make this stock more of an "income" play than a "growth" play. If you hold preferred shares, you'll also get your money back before common shareholders if the company goes tits up. The downsides: fewer (if any) voting rights and less potential for appreciation.

PROXY VOTE: A ballot cast by one person for another. Mutual fund companies cast proxy votes for the securities in their portfolios. Shareholders also can receive a proxy ballot in the mail which lest you return your vote and have it cast by proxy.

PUKE: No, it doesn't mean tossing your cookies, although it may make you want to (which is where it prolly gets it's name). It's slang for selling off even when the loss is substantial. In fact, the point at which an investor sells regardless of price has been dubbed the "puke point."

PUSH ON A STRING: Y'know how the government sometimes tries to entice consumers into spending more money to "invest in the economy"? Well, if they can't get people to part with their money, it's like trying to "push on a string." Sometimes called a "liquidity trap", these situations tend to occur when interest rates are very low and people are feeling antsy about the future.

PYRAMID SCHEME: When a company or an individual recruits investors who then have to recruit other investors, this is usually a pyramid scheme. New recruits provide the funding, or so-called returns, given to the earlier investors/recruits pushing them up the pyramid. The only way the pyramid scheme can generate returns is to bring in more suckers to feed the bottom tier. When the scheme loses steam, the pyramid collapses. A Ponzi Scheme is similar, but with a Ponzi the mastermind gathers up all the money, while a pyramid let's each investor benefit directly. Ponzi schemes are named after Charles Ponzi, a clerk in Boston who pulled off this neat little trick in 1919.

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Talk to Your Folks

Imma getting old. So are you. This year marks the year the first Baby Boomers are retiring. Starting in January 2011 more than 10,000 Boomers a day will turn 65, a pattern that will continue for the next 19 years. Whether you come from the generation of Me First, or any of subsequent generations, one thing we all have in common is that our parents are getting older too.

If you think talking to your kids about money is tough, try it with your parents. It is amazing just how resistant mommies and daddies can be when it comes to sharing their financial information with their kiddies. Even if those kiddies are all growed up and managing their own money just fine. But you'll do your parents a disservice if you stick you head in the sand on this one. So here are five questions you'll want to talk to your folks about.

1. Do you have a Will and Powers of Attorney for both money and personal care? This isn't about what's in the Will, it's about making sure there's one in place. And if your folks haven't given any thought to how they'll pass on their assets in the most tax-friendly way, it's time to seek help from an estates expert. As for the PoA… this is a vital document as parents get older. If they become incapable of managing their own money or of making decisions about their health care, someone needs to be able to step in and do what is best for them.

2. Where are all your financial documents? That's the Will, the PoAs, the insurance policies, the bank account statements, the safe deposit box, the investment statements. It's EVERYTHING. Suggest that you parents make a list of all the important account numbers and where they are located. If they are concerned about privacy, they can put it in a sealed envelope and leave it with their lawyer or in their safe deposit box, providing someone knows where the document is being kept.

3. Have you made funeral arrangements? We all have different wishes for how we'll be disposed of. Me, I just want to be baked and mixed in with the flowers. Alex knows. It's not just in my Will because I may have to be planted before she ever gets to the Will. So she knows. You should too.

4. Have you got any long-term care insurance? No matter how much you love your folks, having them move in because they need constant care can be a tough road to walk. Take it from me. I've been there. If your parents don't have any LTC insurance, do they have enough money in their pot to pay for help when they need it?

5. Do you need help with your money now? This may be as much an observation thing as a question. If bills are lying around unpaid, you have your answer. If your parent(s) keep buying stuff they don't need, that can be a sign too. You can ask the question, but very often parents who need help will deny there's a problem. So you may have to do some Sherlocking to see if there are problems.

Talking to your folks about money may be tough. And it may not work the first time you try. But you should persist. Not knowing is worse than the push back you may get. If parents adamantly refuse to share, well, you've done your best.

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