Rochelle H. Ragnarok's Blog, page 5

Lyrical Disgrace- chapter three

The last chapter of my preview. Enjoy and for the rest of the story please purchase from Smashwords,  B&N, Amazon.com, and Kindle.  Thank you

Chapter Three

Dai entered the shabby shielded home but this time he was alone. The old man smiled as if expecting him and held out his hand in a welcoming gesture.

“I have the money and ashes.” Dai said holding up a small pouch.

“Good, very good.” The old man nodded. “Just hand it over and we can begin.”

He took the bag and walked over to the fierce candle figurine and tied the ends to the free outstretched hand of the waxy saint. He beckoned for the young boy to approach.

“Now the blood.”

Dai flinched as the man forcibly held his wrist and he caught sight of a gleam too fast to see, the pain was sharp and throbbing and trailed up his forearm and the red blood flowed deeply onto the figurine, coating the once pristine white robes crimson. The cloth robe was now drenched, forcing it to cling to the androgynous body of the wax figure.

“Do not worry. You will not die.” The old man simply stated before releasing him and walking away.

Immaculate hands and delicate fingers gripped the silk blue roll pillow pressing against his chest. He voice sighed before he buried his long face in the fabric contorting in pain. The man hovered above him, pressing on the palpable flesh beneath him, working his tools in rapid sessions, digging into the soft tissues–sweating as he applied the outline of his greatest work, focused as though he was placing his own soul into each and every line.

Dai breathed deep and moaned, his thoughts only belonging to one man, the one he found and loved and lost. Both the master and the conduit lost in their own world.

Tired and in pain Dai waved off Kei and Aya and watched them depart the school grounds. His back still stung from the outlining, a pain that would not leave any time soon yet comforted him when he thought of Shi experiencing the same. He also believed in the abilities of the old man. Shi had sought him because of his power and now he too truly believed in it. The atmosphere, the elation, and focus on the tasks at hand surrounded him, his tingled at the thought and he wanted nothing more than to return for the coloring. He had no clue what the man was putting on his body and he dared not look for personal fear of his wish not coming true.

He soon shook those thoughts away once Shouta confronted him.

“You looked a little uncomfortable today in gym.”

“Yeah. Yesterday I got the outlining of my tattoo done, took almost 12 hours. I applied the alcohol and fresh gauze as instructed but it still hurts.”

Shouta smiled. “You’ll get used to it. Although I think ya nuts for plopping down so much money…are ya sure—“

“Yes I am.” Dai cut him off knowing where the conversation was headed. “He’s the real deal, I feel it when he tattoos me. Shi is getting closer to me.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“I know.” The teen patted him on the back to reassure him. “I’m feeling better and better, not worse. I really believe that everything happening right now is for the best.”

“Why are we just standing here? Should we be on our way home?” Shouta asked realizing Dai has made up his mind about the matter so there was no need to continue the conversation.

“Not me, I have a drama club meeting today so I have to stay. I really wanted to ask you about the money, are you taking it?”

“Nope.” The blond defiantly turned his nose. “I don’t need ya to baby me.”

“I know and it isn’t babying so take the money and move on.” Dai firmly stated shooting him a death glare if he so much as tried to continue the argument.

“Fine. But I will pay you back. Ya gotta at least let me do that.”

“Fine.”

The two nodded finally reaching an understanding and Dai headed off alone.

He entered the double doors of the auditorium ready for business. “Okay everyone! I have the script, and I tried to match it up with the sets we’re already designing so we don’t have to make any major alterations.”

“All right!” Cherie, the set designer cheered from the stage. She had been sewing and gluing the finer details of the trees and her fingers were hurting.

“Wow! You managed to get this done in one day?!” Shimada asked taken aback by how fast he had a script ready. But looking at the dark circles around his eyes and the fact that he didn’t even shown up for school all day he figured Dai must’ve been working for hours.

“Yeah, but it isn’t the full script, I’m still writing, but we do have the first few pages and a cast list so we can begin auditions.” Dai added waving the typed papers about. Shimada took the stack from him, reading off the title for everyone to hear.

“Blood Maiden’s Kiss?”

“Yep. It’s a musical. The lead role is a woman named Attia, The Blood Maiden. She‘s an evil princess who of course does a lot of wicked deeds for fun and because they live in a fairy tale world where if you don’t act out the role given to you at birth you will die and disappear.” Dai explained.

“So her role is to be evil.” Jim, the blond haired blue eyed Russian exchange student stressed.

“Right. One day Attia was singing under the blood fruit tree when she meets a Prince named Lucius, whose role is to be an ordinary farmer, a background character, never the hero. One day he strays from his boring farm life and comes across Attia singing. He falls in love with her although he is not supposed to. He joins Attia in song which melts her heart. Attia feels herself fading and runs away and Lucius returns to his ordinary farm life.”

“Wow.” Cherie smiled.

“He talks to his friends about the possibility of saving the blood maiden, they laugh at him, cause you see he will disappear if he leaves the farm for a long time but he believes Attia to be suffering because of her evil deeds.” Dai continued. “His mind is plagued by thoughts of her beautiful voice. She appears to him in his dreams. His friends tell him to leave it be…Lucius sets out from the farm to save the Blood Maiden, armed with the only weapon he has, a sickle.” The theatre group stops their meticulous background work, all eyes focused on the center of the stage where Dai stood. “During his travels he comes across a little boy, he saves him from the raging river and as thanks the father gives him the armor of a knight which was to belong to his son as he was supposed to grow up to become a Knight–but the boy had longed to sail the open seas instead. He continues forward, all the while Attia dances around him. He meets an old woman, whom he saves from a group of villagers accusing her of witchcraft, and as thanks she turns his sickle into a deadly viper he can use in battle, Although she was meant to die by the angry mob of villagers in her story….He continues forward and meets a young man he saves from bandits, and as thanks the man offers to stay by his side as a steward even though he is nothing but a bread maker…they continue on the road together until Lucius and Attia meet again and make love, she awakens a power inside of him and then taken away by her kinsmen. He becomes an evil being as he sets out on a series of trials to save her, they eventually reunite and kiss, then Attia vanishes, he feels himself fading, he looks to his steward who has faded as well, he decides to travel to the blood fruit tree to fade, and along the way he discovers that the old woman has faded, and even the man and his son.”

“Wow, I think I’m depressed.” Cherie added feeling the weight of the story.

“He finally reaches to the tree, sings his lament and vanishes.” Dai finished.

“That sounds awesome!” Jim exclaimed, eager to get started. Theatre was his forte.

“Thanks! I admit I don’t have the songs yet.”

“Good! It’s a start! I’ll make copies of what we do have and organize it into a play format.” Shimada offered.

“Sure.”

“Akio, you can start the audition flyers and advertisements.” Shimada ordered fired up.

“He’s very efficient.” Cherie smiled never getting a close view of the widely talked about student. Dai was rumored to be nothing more than a homosexual prostitute by the many students at school and was either ignored by everyone but his close friends and teachers. The fact that he barely came to school cemented the ideas in their minds even more. But the more she looked at him the more she understood why he was a prostitute, his lashes were long, his lips naturally pursed, and his gray eyes served to accentuate his exotic beauty, he was Asian but not quite, certainly of mixed blood, and his body was lean yet filled out into a nice build that was neither fragile nor strong. She found her face flushed hotly and focusing her attention back into the auditorium she lowered her eyes.

“You know if you need someone to write some songs, you can get Tsume of Parasitic Wasp to do it.” Akio suggested.

“Really?” Dai replied surprised.

“Yeah. I know them, they can use the publicity.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.’ Akio tittered nervously and he wanted to slap himself for the silly grin on his face. Akio was a first year student but even he had heard many of the rumors surrounding Dai, seeing him in person was almost like meeting a celebrity but more importantly he understood why they whispered about him in the halls.

Akio subconsciously moved closer only stopping when Dai turned his head to face him again. “Uh, flyers….how do you want them?” ‘I suck!’

“Well it’s a Gothic type of play so shoot for something dark.” Dai chuckled lightly feeling the building tension. It occurred to him that the red head admired him and he began to remember a time when he too admired someone so freely only for those innocent dreams to splatter on the rocks. No sense in dwelling on such events.

Dai opened the door coming face to face with Parasitic Wasp and a skinny boy in glasses wailing away at the mic while the blast of the music hit him full force. Dai covered his ears at the screeching vocals and took a seat in one of the few scattered chairs against the wall.

‘They must spend a lot of time in here.’ He thought looking over the empty soda cans, chip wrappers, and other trash littering the long table by the window. Strewn iPods and unconnected headphones along with scattered music sheets with a rough drawing of strings and penciled dots outlining the specific notes to play.

None of the band members noticed him as he entered, each within their own world as they strung the strings and banged on the drums in a tune that sounded like a random clash of notes accompanying the wailing vocalist.

The last of the drums clashed against the guitar as the boy hollered the last remaining notes before catching his breath and thanking God it was over.

“Not bad.” Tsume smiled, taking his hands off the neck of his sleek black guitar to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.

The skinny boy with the glasses too big for his face smiled. Elated that the song he’d work so hard on was finally gaining deserved recognition.

“Except for one problem.” Tsume calmly stated looking at the boy at the front mic.

“Um…what is it.” His gaze moved to the white dingy tiled floor before meeting the gaze of the tall imposing teen.

“Do you really expect us to play this shit!?”

The boy jumped at the harsh tone.

“Get the hell out of here!” He took off his strap and charged as if going to use his prized instrument to knock him senseless. The boy ran for his life as fast as he could out the sliding door.

Laughter rung through the air as the boys prepared to relax when Rei spotted the familiar face in the back room.

“Hey, ya made it.” He smirked crookedly and lit up the cigar hanging from the tip of his lip.

“Oh I’m not here to audition. I came because someone recommended Tsume to write some songs for our play.” Dai explained nervously.

“Nope. I have better things to do.” Tsume dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

“I see.” Dai nodded along defeated at his matter of fact tone of voice and proceeded to walk away.

“Wait…we’re done auditioning people anyway.” Rei called out jogging a bit to catch up.

“I’m not going to beg him.” Dai almost shot back until Rei’s gentle smile eased the tension.

He held out his right hand. “Let me see the script.”

Dai didn’t know what to expect, Akio recommended Tsume not Rei but then again there was a sense of gentleness and a look in his dark eyes that extended beyond the mundane. If there was anyone who could bring out the beauty he wanted to convey in the music it was him….if he was capable of doing such a thing. Besides, the thought of working with Tsume didn’t sit well with him, with his dismissive attitude and shallow demeanor.

“Uh, sure. Copies are being made right now so hopefully I will have one tomorrow.”

“Good. What’s it about?”

“A gothic play.” Dai stood in his presence unable to hold back his ideas,he spoke passionately about the Blood maiden and her farmhand lover.

“I can do it, if you want me to.”

“Are you sure?”

“I love the guy but Tsume’s songs have no heart and this calls for it.” Rei stood tall and confidently. He was skinny, so thin he could almost be mistaken for some heroin addict on the punk circuit, his pale slender wrist bent as his hand rested on his equally thin waist. But those who knew him knew that he was strong and capable of handling himself in most situations, yet he rarely had to as he was always the diplomat of the group the one willing to compromise, yeah the lone wolf rebel…to a point.

“If you really want to then sure.”

Her voice was like a winter wind chilling the bone, she held her soft hands high grasping at the fruit springing forth from the blood tree. She saw the handsome farmer approach and shielded her innocent eyes revealing the depth of passion and desire.

“That was awesome, Aya!” Kei’s clapping echoed in the near empty room.

Shouta whistled. “Good job.” He wasn’t exactly a virtuoso of the theatre but he knew what he saw was good.

“If Dai doesn’t give you the part then he’s crazy.” Kei helped Aya off the stage.

“Yeah, but we haven’t been getting along lately…” She explained embarrassed her fight with Dai had gone on so long. If she suddenly started talking to him again her actions could be seen as kissing up for the role. She missed him and hated herself for allowing their disagreement over Shi’s remains to go so far.

“I’m sure Dai wouldn’t look you over simply because you’re not getting along right now.” Kei assured her.

“I hope so.”

“So what brings you here.” Kei finally snatched his eyes away from Aya and on to his blond friend. He just knew Shouta was never the type to sit through a play.

“You. ..I’m moving into my own place. I need help.”

“Shouta you should audition for the lead male role.” Dai cut in appearing from behind the long red curtain hating the mildew scent emanating off the fabric.

“What?! No way I suck at plays.” Shouta backed away as if Dai could capture him and force him.

“Yeah I remember that play we did back in Elementary second year. You were supposed to be a tree, you got so nervous you farted on stage and none of the kids wanted to sit under you.” Kei felt the laughter building as he envisioned the dressed up blond on stage pouting.

“Shut up!”

“I think you fit the part of the farmer turned tragic hero.” Dai said looking him over. He had a certain level of innocence in his smile that contrasted with the honest determination in his eyes.

“Oh Shouta you should do it!” Aya clapped her hands together excited.

“Yeah, try out!” Kei added egging the other two on more than anything.

“Okay…fine but there’s no guarantee!”

Rei interrupted them when he entered the auditorium carrying a sheet of paper in his hands. “Hey Dai, here is the blood tree song.”

“Great!” Dai raked his eyes over the passages and was instantly transported to the world of his play he imagined the blood maiden lamenting-her dark beauty too much to bear.

“Oh my.”

“If you don’t like it, I can tweak it.”

“I love it!” The song was more than perfect, it summed up his vision perfectly and it was so beautiful and filled with soul. “Please perform it.”

Rei smiled enjoying the praise. He stepped on stage and cleared his voice the room hushed as he belted out the wilting tune captivating the attention of everyone. His voice faded to the sound of applause.

“Wow, who knew he had a voice like that.” Kei turned to Aya.

“Yeah, it’s amazing. He isn’t my favorite member but I can see why other girls like him.”

Dai approached–the last to finish clapping.

“I’ll write the others as I get the scripts. But I want payment.” Rei immediately turned to him.

Dai was taken aback by the demand. “I don’t have much…”

“In exchange for me writing the songs to your play, you have to write a song and audition for the band.” Rei cut him off to make it clear that he was not expecting money.

Dai sighed. ‘not this again.’ “What if I don’t make it?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just a formality. I’ve already decided that you’re in.” He winked causing Dai to smile when he did. “Just write a song, any song and come to our room and sing it.”

Dai thought it over for a brief moment before tossing caution to the wind. “Sure, why the hell not?”

Shouta couldn’t help picking out the two standing alone away from everyone unable to shake the odd energy emanating from them. One moment they were close to everyone and the next they retreated into a dialogue only they understood. Shouta didn’t know when they met but they spoke as if they had known one another forever–standing out above the others. Rei with his tall almost lanky frame that had a soft yet dangerous appeal and Dai with his long soft face, sharp eyes, and infectious smile.

He couldn’t help but to think they belonged on a completely different plane than him, just like Shi…

“Just who the hell does he think he is.” He said low and dangerously to himself.

“Jealous?” Kei whispered watching sea green eyes focus on the pair.

“Why would I?” He chuckled hoping to lighten the mood.

After school Dai tossed his back pack and slipped off his uniform and into something more inspiring, his form fitted leather pants and black tank top with his mother’s pendant shining brightly around his neck. After praying in front of the altar he kept intact he settled down with a pen and notebook.

‘I don’t even know what type of songs they sing, but then again I wouldn’t want to sing songs I wouldn’t normally like. I’ll just use this as a way to vent my feelings and release this tension I’m feeling about the tattoo.‘

He breathed deep and prepared his lyrics.

The next day…

“Oh great, so you managed to crank out a song? If it’s a remake of November Rain or Dope Show…or anything by Linkin’ Park don’t bother.” Tsume squeezed the bridge of his nose to stave off the headache. “If I get one more unoriginal piece of shit knock off song I’m gonna end up wrecking my fucking guitar.”

For the first time since he entered, Dai didn’t like the way his stomach churned as if to eliminate its contents but he did not give in. He stood tall and proceeded to the front of the room which seemed like the longest walk of his life.

“He doesn’t have the right look.” Tsume waved in dismal.

“Relax, he looks hot. We all have on our uniforms.” Rei defended not wanting Tsume’s rotten attitude to ruin what he felt was a good catch.

“Geez, you wanna bang him that bad?”Tsume whispered.

“Oh for fucks sake! Tell us the melody so we can get started.” Muraki brazenly cut in knowing that an argument between those two could last a second lifetime.

“Fine. How should we play this song of yours.” Tsume sighed strapping on his guitar.

Dai took a deep breath and prepared to instruct the threesome on how the song is played. He hummed the melody. “The song has a medium to fast tempo and a dark beat. The guitar is a bit slow in this. I honestly don’t know the right way to word it or the notes to write.” Dai admitted.

“It’s all right. Just sing some beginning notes and we will try to match it with the melody.” Rei informed preparing the bass.

♪ “Drifting in a sea of despair. Drifting in a sea of doubt. Drifting in a sea of bodies within Hades’ maelstrom.” ♪

He belted out the tune as good as he could and almost before he finished the band was playing the sound as if they could read exactly what was in his mind. Dai smiled when they stopped and Tsume made a few adjustments before signaling for Dai to begin.

Dai took a deep breath waiting for the members to start playing. The music came rich and dark, fast but not rushed and Dai stood at the microphone ready to sing. His voice was deep and rich like liquid satin.

♪”Drifting in a sea of despair.

Drifting in a sea of doubt.

Drifting in a sea of bodies within Hades’ maelstrom.

In the distance I see a ship that’s falling further down.

I can see a sliver of light but it’s not enough to take me hold.

 

If you can hear me calling, carry me

Across the murky waters.

Across the raging waves.

If you can hear me calling,

I am calling you to save me, save me, save me from those wings.

 

The water’s inside me.

Building up it’s all too strong.

Breathing deep but all I get is ashes and stone before I sleep.

Will you carry away, this body from the bleak heap.

If not then surely your brother will gladly come and take a hold.

 

If you can hear me calling, carry me

Across the murky waters.

Across the raging waves.

If you can hear me calling,

I am calling you to save me, save me, save me from those wings.

 

Non più giochi.

Prendi questa anima sporca

Non mi interessa

Io non appartengo a questo

Un accordo buio per la persona che amo

Sopra l’acqua o sotto le onde

Ciò che mi porterà lì?

Prendi la mia anima

Più pazienza e tempo

If you can hear me calling, carry me

Across the murky waters.

Across the raging waves.

If you can hear me calling,

I am calling you to save me, save me, save me from those wings.” ♪

“Awesome.” Rei closed his eyes savoring the music they just played.

“Hmm.” Tsume unstrapped his guitar, placing it gently on its stand. “Not bad, but I still think we should focus on getting a girl to sing the lead.” He haughtily stated.

“But it would be cool if we were an all boy band and besides, chicks get jealous whenever a girl is hanging out with a bunch of guys.”

“And did you hear his voice? The song he wrote? It was fucking awesome.” Muraki joined in the praise.

“Damn right.” Rei smiled.

“The only flaw he has is stage presence, he needs to work the mic a bit but some practice can cure that…he’s good looking and has an interesting flair about him.” Muraki looked over the boy a little too much for his taste.

Dai looked away unable to stand the staring.

“Fine. Looks like we found our new lead singer.” Tsume smiled.

Dai couldn’t help but to feel proud that the song he’d work so hard on was accepted.

Lyrical Disgrace- Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The derelict section of the city was the same as always, unkempt and filled with the typical thugs, drug dealers, and whores. None of this was new to Shouta as he strolled home lost in his own thoughts. He had ruined his friendship with Dai, the teen would consider him a freak or worse, a friend willing to use him while vulnerable. ‘Shit, why the hell did I have to do that of all the things to do?‘ He continued to beat himself. ‘Why a kiss?’ Shouta remembered the jealousy he experienced during Dai’s relationship with Shi or when he was riding around in that red sports car with the blond haired guy. His mind flashed on Dai getting out of Kane’s limo. ‘Being concerned about someone does not mean you have to like them!‘ He shouted in his head ignoring the luring calls of the drug addicted women and lady boys. One thing was for certain he knew he had to get to the bottom of this so called boy crush before he did anything else to destroy his friendship.

The voice called to him as lay in the stiff yet comfy white bed. ‘Dai.’

The teen gripped the cool metal bar using it as leverage to lift himself into an upright position, at least that was his plan. He had no strength left to do anything and his bones felt like ground up glass slicing through his skin. The pinch of the needle attaching a tube to his veins did not help matters much, although he figured it was for the best to leave it in. None of that mattered–the pain, the needle, the tube, the clear sodium liquid above him. What mattered was that voice–that familiar voice calling to him.

“Shi, is that you?”

“Yes. I am here. I’ve always been here.”

“Are you okay?”

“No. I’m not.” He finally appeared to him–his face bared no expression yet his eyes were filled with malice. “It’s because of you that I’m here.”

“S-Shi” Dai’s voice trembled along with his fragile body.

“You did nothing but get in my way.”

Dai’s breath hitched.

“I wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t gone back for you.”

“I swear I didn’t want that! I wanted you to run away!”

“That was impossible you fool. It was my fate to die.”

“Shi.”

Within the maelstrom of darkness the older teen appeared more vividly than before. “Is that what you want to hear?” He shrugged.

Dai was lost in utter confusion and despair.

“You want to torture yourself forever and blame yourself for the path I chose to walk through life?”

“But Shi…’”he reached out for him but could not bring himself to touch him. His golden brown eyes shone as though he was alive but they both knew otherwise.

“There are no buts when fate is involved and no coincidences. I was meant to die just as I was meant to meet you. In death there are no regrets and I don’t regret a single day I spent with you. With you I finally knew what it felt like to be in love and for that I thank you. But Dai. Move on so that I can too.”

“But Shi!” His mind raced for the right words. “ This darkness! The old man?! Are you…suffering?”

“Yes and no. It’s dark here and maybe I will move on to some place darker but I would much rather face that hell than watch you suffer.”

Within the sadness came his resolve.

“Shi! I’ve never believed in religion but I believe in what I saw in the old man! I will save you!”

The brown haired boy laughed but it carried no mocking tone. “Save me if it makes you happy, but to do that you have to be strong cause right now I see you saving no one.”

And just as quickly as he came his image flickered in the dark until nothing remained. Dai reached out wanting desperately to hold him dream or no dream.

Glassy gray eyes fixed on the clear bag with the liquid inside the smell of alcohol and disinfectants filled his nostrils and he had no desire to view the endless game shows and soaps on the TV screen.

‘I need to snap out of this.‘ He thought hating how everything seemed to spin so out of control. The only thing he remembered was offering prayers for Shi and Shouta kissing him. ‘Where did that even come from?‘ He thought furrowing his brow in confusion. ‘Did he do that thinking I needed it? Or…‘ he raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. ‘I have to go to school and get myself together…I have to finally let grandpa place Shi’s urn at his grave….if he hadn’t already done it.‘

The waning sun streamed its golden hue into the classroom, Kei loved the soothing touch of heat hitting his skin, he closed his eyes knowing no one was around to say anything disparaging about his actions then he picked up his warm turkey, cheese, and tomato sandwich and took a bite. For some reason he liked the taste of the sandwich after it sat sweating in his bento box all day. The bread was a little soggy and turning pink from the juice of the warm tomato and the cheese melded in the meat combining as one mixture of yellow goo.

School was over and as the last trace of students laughed their way down the hall and out of the building he alone sat in silence waiting for Aya to finish with her dance club meeting so he can walk her home–a normal routine that sprang from him not wanting her to trek alone after the danger they faced from Miki’s gang. He would walk her to the very doors of her house then took a series of short cuts to get home, only this time they both planned to meet Shouta at the hospital to visit Dai.

The sudden seductive giggle of a girl’s voice alerted him to the goings on across the hall and he remembered that the room was being used as a makeshift club for the rock band Parasitic Wasp, he peered out the door window to see Aya and her friend Megumi flirting with a spiky haired band member. ‘Band boys get all the girls’ he frowned watching the girls blush over the antics of the multi pierced teen.

The sound of his favorite tune played on his phone and he squatted to avoid the turning heads of the teens playing in the hall.

“Hey Shouta.” Kei answered his cell. “What’s up?”

“On my way to the hospital. Did you and Aya leave the school yet?”

“Nope, just waiting for her to finish with her club.” After a small pause. “Do you know how Dai is doing?”

“I heard from his grandpa that he should be ready to leave once the IV is gone and he get a check up.”

“You know, Dai should apologize to Aya.”

“Where is that coming from?”

“I have a feeling Aya could be reluctant to see him because of their little fight, she feels strongly about it.”

“Yeah well Dai would never do that cause he feels even more strongly about it. He’s too far in his own grief, and honestly I would say he has more of a reason to grieve than her.” Shouta heard Kei sigh over the other end. He assumed Aya must have been talking his ear off about the matter and Kei, being the type of guy to try and make everyone happy, was trying to figure out a way to make that possible.

Kei and Aya headed to the hospital where Dai was held, the girl fidgeted little by little the closer they came to reaching the building. Eventually she could not take it anymore.

“I can’t go.” She finally blurted out.

“Why?”

“I can’t go see him.”

“Why? Is it because of that fight?”

“No…yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I don’t hate Dai. I care for him deeply but for a while I’ve had some less than friendship feelings for him…maybe it’s jealousy over Shi.”

Kei watched her for a long moment and sighed. “Well, if it would make you feel better why don’t we go out for a burger instead?”

Aya nodded her head in agreement.

Shouta arrived at the hospital surprised not to find Aya and Kei inside the room when he finally entered.

“Hey, buddy how are ya?” He asked taking a seat.

“You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a baby.”

“Sorry.”

Dai smiled in acknowledgement of his apology.

“Since I don’t have to be delicate. What are you doing to yourself that you would refuse to eat until you pass out? If you could have seen the look on your grandpa’s face you would have wished you had died!”

“I agree.”

“Huh? Yeah.” He agreed relieved Dai understood.

The two sat in awkward silence for a long moment; each of them had the next topic of conversation in mind but refused to be the first to speak out.

“Thanks for being there for me.” Avoided.

“Huh? Yeah, no problem!” Shouta accepted the diversion. “I want to be there for you, we’re friends, right?”

“Yeah.” Dai nodded in agreement.

“Can you eat anything?”

“The doctor says I can eat whatever I like, my throat isn’t closed or anything. Right now I am eating this IV drip but I would love for something solid.”

Shouta smiled as brightly as the sun. “Good! I’ll go buy you a burger.”

“Can you put everything on it with cheese and get some turkey chili cheese fries on the side?”

“No problem.”

And with that, Shouta rose and headed out the room, both of them seemed happy to move on without confronting the incident between them.

The sun was waning faster than before, the sky was grey and threatened to spill snow or rain once more, however neither came into fruition. The young boy was wrapped in his favorite blue scarf keeping his neck and face warm. The hood of his winter coat hid his jet black hair and he kept his equally dark eyes glued to the floor. But despite his young age and small stature he was on a mission as he entered the towering steel and glass building and marched through its halls and pushed open the large office doors.

“Brother…brother!” he called out, making sure he got the attention of the man behind the desk.

“What is it, Satoshi?” He finally closed his laptop giving the young boy his full attention.

“The trip. Have you decided yet? Are you gonna go?”

“Look.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really had no time for this.

“C’mon, I have to get my permission slip in and get ready! It’s less than a month away!” He whined.

“Satoshi! I’ve been very busy…I will see what I can do, but I can’t make any solid promises. You know that.”

“I do but.”

“No, buts.”

“It just means you won’t go.” His voice faltered.

“I’m trying…Listen. I love the fact that we are getting along, I do, and I don’t want this to end. But you know that I don’t have a massive amount of time where I can just decide to jump up and go on a weeklong ski trip…besides, the place is going to be filled with mothers… I’m sorry…I will try.”

It was several days later and back to near perfect health Dai finally returned to school to the whispering rumors spreading the halls.

“I heard he tried to commit suicide.”

“No, I heard it was just a ruse so that the cops wouldn’t know he killed that new guy.”

“Wasn’t he obsessed with him or something?”

Ignore them.

With his head hung he walked steadily down the hall until he felt the soft pressure of a hand pressed on his shoulder.

“Hello, I saw you with Shi several times; I assume you are a friend. Have you by any chance seen him around? He wanted these Marine biology pamphlets.? The old teacher smiled tightly.

“Um. He passed away over the break.” He did not give himself time to view the shock and tears from the old firm woman. He instead dashed from her sight, down the hall and into the nearby boy’s bathroom the acidic contents of his stomach spilling into the white bowl.

Soon the empty room echoed the steps of another, the feet slid a little against the stone floor as he pressed his back on the cold slab wall. With the graceful moves of a cat he pulled out a cigarette, quickly struck a match, and lit the tip sucking in the heat of the cancer stick and savoring the taste of death.

Hearing the sounds of heaving in the stall in front of him, he tapped on the door.

“You all right in there?”

“Huh? Ye-yeah.”

“Ya know you shouldn’t strain as much. It makes it hard to come out.”

“Huh? What?” Dai replied in a total state of confusion.

“You’re taking a shit right?” His thin lips formed a smile.

The sounds of laughter rung in the air bouncing off the walls. “No.” Dai answered back, his stomach hurting from laughing so hard and sudden.

Dai could smell the familiar smoke that made him think of Shi but found it did not stir any bad memories.

“Hey why don’t you sing me a song?” The teen asked after a long silence. Dai noticed for the first time since they began their strange conversation that his voice sounded deep and raspy like a slow scratchy tune.  A soothing one.

“I… wait you want me to sing a song?”

“Yeah. Indulge me.”

Without understanding why he complied but he sung the few notes of ‘Heres to you’ by Ennio Morricone.

“Not bad.” The teen smiled.

“Why did you ask me to sing?”

“Our lead singer quit on us not too long ago and our band Parasitic Wasp is in need of one. We’ve been auditioning people for a while. But there’s always a slight problem. If they can sing good they look bad and if they sing bad they look good. Kinda hard to sell both, ya know? I just wanted to judge someone based on voice alone, without appearances. Why don’t ya just sign up? You’re decent enough.”

“I’m sorry I can’t.” Dai sighed. “I have nothing to sing about.”

“Too bad.” He singly replied before tossing a flyer into the top of the stall.

“My band has a gig coming up and we could make some good money off of it, maybe you can channel what’s making you so upset into the music.” And with his piece of advice given  he headed out.

Dai held the flyer in his hand staring at the grunge lettering of the band’s name.

After school Dai blew hot air onto his hands to warm them as he waited outside the school for Shouta. The blonde waved goodbye to Aya and Kei before running over.

“Dude, you okay? I looked all over for ya.”

“I left.”

“That’s it?” Shouta asked looking for more.

“Yeah. I ran into Shi’s teacher, that’s all.”

“Dai. You gotta get it together! You can’t just split on school the amount of times you have.”

“I know. But I’m glad I did.” He smiled. “I think everything will be okay soon.”

The two exited the train to the desolate area of San’ya. This was far from the first time the blond had seen such hopeless despair living and breathing in the cracks of the earth, but he was surprised Dai would bring him here and even led the way to their destination which was a shielded old worn home.

Dai entered through the wooden flap door with the taller teen trailing protectively behind.

“Dai. What are we doing here?”

No reply.

“Dai?”

No response came as the smaller teen’s eyes were fixated on the list of names  crowding the yellowing wall behind the altar. Out of the hundreds littered in red there was Shi’s name.

“He’s very hard to find but a tattoo by him is worth it, especially if you truly want something.”

He turned his eyes away to the old man who waited patiently, wrinkled hands clasped behind his back as if expecting the unexpected visitors.

“Uh, sorry for intruding.” Shouta bowed respectfully. “Dai do you think we should be here?” He asked not at all liking the various devil figure candles, drive away evil oils, human skulls, and other Hoodoo Voodoo paraphernalia laying about.

“I want a tattoo.” Gray eyes gazed with heated intensity. “But I want it out of love not revenge.” He continued. “Can you do that?”

The old man breathed deeply before he spoke. “It is very rare that anyone would come to me out of love. Yes, very rare indeed. What is your desire?” His voice sounded as if it was being washed on an old washing board.

“I want Shi’s soul sealed into my tattoo.” He continued his voice becoming passionate. “I want to protect him! I want to face whatever will happen to us in the afterlife!”

“Dai.” Shouta called out unable to stop him.

The man walked  to his drawer shelf pulling out a few prepared bamboo sticks and a knife.

Handing the tools over to the young boy he smiled. “Carve.”

He then strolled toward the waxy altar taking out a dusty cloth undoing the hemp string holding the rag in place, and took out an odd candle. A white angel with devil horns, with black wings, clutching a gold colored spear and shield, and dressed in actual cloth clothing; a white robe.

The two boys stared at the large waxy figure, watching him place the amazing figurine at the very center of the massive altar, the saintly glory of the figure overpowering all others.

“That face.” Shouta whispered. Looking at the gender neutral being with short curled hair, soft and gentle eyes, but mouth gaped open with sharp fangs protruding, and body posed as if in the middle of striking something unforeseen.

“To travel to hell and have the strength to survive one needs a devil by their side. One that is fierce yet also compassionate enough not to forsake you.” The old man lamented as he observed the figure as if seeing an old familiar face. “It has been so long since I have seen this, so long I can hardly remember. So rare indeed that one would ask this of me.” He turned to the boy who was now seated on the floor carving away at the bamboo not caring to dust himself of the debris spilling onto his lap. “I will need a bit of his ashes, not all, but some. Yes, and your blood.”

“What?!” Shouta leaned forward in the floor chair nearby.

“This cannot begin without ashes and blood.” The old man simply said.

‘Has Grandpa placed Shi’s ashes at his grave yet?’ Dai thought knowing the ashes were no longer in his room, but that was as far as his knowledge went. “What if I can’t get them?” Dai asked.

“It cannot begin without ashes and blood.” He simply repeated.

The boy nodded.

“And of course my fee of 8,330,400 yen.”

“What the hell?” Shouta shouted. “There are plenty of places that could give the same tat but cheaper.”

“I am not them.” The old man stated.

“It’s fine. I will pay you in advance. If it can grant my wish then it’s worth it.”

Shouta’s mind wandered to the kiss when they walked away from the worn house and although he was glad Dai let the matter go he couldn’t help but think about it. ‘Maybe it would be best if Dai fell in love with me. If he did. Would he still be going off the deep end like this?‘

Aya blew out smoky air as her and Kei made the usual trek down the narrow residential road leading to her house.

“Oh guess what?”

“What?”

“I’ve decided to sign up for the play the drama club is talking about.”

“Awesome.” Kei smiled.

“Yeah.”

“If they have a leading man part I might grace them with my handsome manliness.” They both laughed.

With a hard thump Kei bounced off the broad back in front of him and landed on the cold road.

“What the hell?!”

“Oh my god!” He heard Aya shout but was quickly becoming enraged at the tall man’s smug features and snide remarks about his eye sight. Kei wanted to punch the cool looking man with his long silky black hair in the face.

Even more so when he stood up and saw Aya blushing in the lanky giant’s direction.

Through the haze of anger he allowed to consume him he did not hear the words Aya spoke to him in her soft and girlish voice but he clearly heard his.

“Maybe you should come see me play. I’ll make sure you get VIP access.” He smiled thinly, used to being the object of women’s fantasies. He stood tall in his black and white Dolce and Gabbana suit with blue tinted sunglasses. He wore two platinum rings on his right thumb and third finger and one on his left pinky, along with one of those blue colorful feathered dream catcher necklaces and two thin red and blue feather earrings on both ears. He looked like a mixture of a gypsy and a playboy. Kei hated him even more, the way he stood there so casually flirting without even trying.

“C’mon Aya. Time to go!” He shuffled her along pass the man who exuded confidence and scented spicy cologne.

“I’ll make sure to be there for your next performance!” She assured him before allowing herself to be swept away. She sighed as she took one last glance as the man entered his black sports car made a sharp screeching U-turn before speeding away.

“Who the hell was that?”

“Tsume from Parasitic Wasp! I can’t believe I ran into him here.”

“Oh yeah, that school band.” He dismissed them.

“They really have what it takes to make it. Their songs are really good and they had an awesome lead singer. But for some reason he quit and left town, at least that’s what I heard.”

“Well I never heard of them so they can’t be that special.” The jealous boy mumbled.

When Dai returned home he immediately searched underneath his bed for a small black and pink Sakura printed bento box. He held the smooth lacquer container in his delicate hands tracing the petal rivets.

‘8,851,050 yen should be here from the pawned tins. This is perfect. Now I just need the ashes. His ashes.’

Dai breathed deeply mustering the courage to go into his Grandpa’s room and ask him about the whereabouts of Shi’s remains. He was so afraid he would not give him any information, and although a part of him couldn’t blame him he had to have that component before the old man could begin. He placed the cash filled bento box back under his bed and proceeded to enter Benjirou’s room.

“Grandpa?” Dai called. His grandfather was a man of eclectic taste which showed in the African voodoo dolls that littered the shelves near the medium sized boxed window, the colorful floor rug from Costa Rica, beautiful in its simple woven pattern of dark and cool blues, bright yellows and tropical greens. The antique brass lamp from Hungry along with the small collection of blood red Vald the Impaler wines. Benjirou sat quietly in front of the cherry wood study desk parked in the corner of by the off white wicker lounge chair and sage green circular ottoman. Dai loved study with its graceful floral and swan carved patterns straight out of the 18th century.

“Ah, you.” Benjirou wistfully smiled as he turned in his seat. “How was school?”

“Fine… better than before.”

“That’s great.” He nodded glad to hear his grandson was doing fine. The old man looked over his visage noting the color that returned to his cheeks, the cheeks that were no longer slightly sinking in from starvation. The uniform he still wore seemed filled in. He looked well, actually more determined, and his quiet lingering presence only confirmed his growing suspicions. “You’re looking for Shi’s remains?”

“Uh…yes, sir.” Dai replied defeated. His grandfather knew almost everything about him and he knew Dai’s shifty eyes were scanning the room for a reason. “It’s not to mourn or wallow over them, I just really need them, it would help me finally settle things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just feel like everything between Shi and I isn’t finished, I can’t close the book yet, sort of speak.” Dai pleaded with his eyes. He had a difficult time expressing how he felt, he just hoped his grandfather would understand without him having to say what he intended to do with the ashes.

The old man sighed for a long moment, then his body shook as he entered another of his coughing fits.

“Grandpa. Are you okay?!” Dai reached for the sweating glass of water, making sure he sipped slowly.

“I’m fine.” He waved him away. ‘I need to begin preparing him to make his own decisions.’ He stood from the cherry wood chair unlocking a small cabinet connected to the study. He pulled out the urn and handed it to Dai.

“I can’t make every single choice for you. I never had any intention of placing it at the grave. You have to do that on your own.”

Dai held the cool simple beige and gold trimmed urn in his hands and closed his eyes. The weight of holding Shi again overwhelmed him but no more unpleasant thoughts plagued him. This was a new start for the both of them.

A rough sweaty fist connected with the bone of the young boy’s jaw sending him stumbling into the wall behind him.

“I’ll kill ya, ya fucking little punk!” The older man grunted, the alcohol still fresh on his breath.

The blond ignored the throbbing on his face and the sting on his back and wiped the blood from his chin.

“I told ya to have yer ass in this house and making my dinner no later than five! Stupid little bitch!” The old drunkard charged again connecting a series of blows to the back of the head and hands of the cowering teen. “Whaddya gotta say about that?! Huh!?!”

“Get the fuck off me!” The teen yelled, his face boiling hot as he used every ounce of his strength to push the burly man off of him causing him to trip and stumble back, his already woozy head making it difficult for him to gain ground.

“You piece of shit!” Shouta yelled through his tears. “I’ve had enough of you! You’ve done nothing but put me through shit and make my life a living hell! You stole money from me and kicked my ass!” He wiped the water from his stinging blurry eyes.

“You little fucker.” The man slurred. “I’m the parent here! I took care of you! You—“ the man roared.

“I what?!” The teen shot back. “Owe ya?!” He laughed. “For what?! Having me? Like I had any choice in that!”

The man stood up catching his breath. “If it weren’t for me ya wouldn’t be here ya fucking sack of shit! I wouldn’t be a drunk if it weren’t for ya! Hanging out with punks and running around getting in trouble, getting shit grades, cause that’s all ya are!”

“Ya don’t know shit about my real friends! They’re the people who offered me a place to lay low when I needed to get away from you! Or a place to live because they know what a drunk abusive asshole ya are! The friends that saved my ass time and time again while you were stealing from me! Ya never gave a damn about me, you or ma! I got this tattoo on my back and did things I don’t even want to think of because I was trying to save your ass! I even begged mom to loan me some money. But don’t worry because I’m done with ya.”

“Ya punk son of a bitch I’ll kill ya!”

“Do it! I really wish that you would! But I won’t cower in fear anymore. I swear I will fight ya back!”

“Get back here!” The man shouted in vain as Shouta marched out the door, shoes in hand and the clothes on his back which was nothing but a blood stained white T-shirt and ragged styled jeans.

With zero money in his pocket he walked nearly three miles to the old shit hole known to everyone as Grunge City, home to wannabe rock musicians all over Tokyo. No one was sure if Tony–The American born rocker who founded the place–gave it the name because he fell in love with the orange and yellowed speckled walls, the grimy concrete floor, the bullet holes, and knife scrapped red wood and 70′s designed bar or because he was either too lazy or too broke to clean the joint up. It was late in the afternoon when he marched through the bullet proof glass doors and approached the beat up bar taking a seat on the rusted and torn red cushioned stool.

The pierced and dyed crew prepared to open . The tables and couches–located at the balcony were wiped down and day old peanuts were poured into the center ashtray which served as a holder. The grey concrete floor down below was swept as if that would do it any good and the first band–whose name Shouta always forgot, were preparing their sound checks.

“What do you want kid?” Tony asked as he cleaned up the last remaining glasses and flipped them upside down on the rack with the others to dry.

“I need a place to crash for a while.”

Tony’s one good eye zeroed in on the fresh bruise forming on his left eye. “Old man again?” He didn’t need an answer. “Ya can stay as long as ya help around here, and don’t ask for a salary.”

“Thanks.”

One a.m. marked the after hours, the club stood empty and in need of cleaning, most of the patrons headed out rushing to catch the last trains while the stragglers who lazed about cosigned themselves to their fate. The hopeful young girls hung around hoping to hook up with their favorite band member.

However, tonight was a good night and the bands were high on the music they played, so much so that they all got together and carried the couches to the lower levels. Tony kept the bar flowing and the bands performed various jam sessions that seemed never ending. It was three a.m. and the jam session was far from waning. Shouta parked on the couch above watching a few members of Parasitic Wasp join in the fun. He failed to notice the movement next to him until the boy had settled in and lit his thin black and mild cigar and sucked on the plastic tip. Shouta breathed in the sweet scent. He knew him as Rei–the bassist of Parasitic Wasp, his short spiked inky black hair, pale skin, and sharp features made him the soulful favorite among their small number of fans. While Muraki was the playful type, and Tsume the mature leader. Rei carried an almost quietly thoughtful aura. Like someone peering into the distance seeing what others could not. Shouta nearly lost himself for a moment and the silence was too much to bear.

“So…what are your plans after school?” Shouta nervously asked.

“Hm?”

“You guys are leaving school this year too, right?’

“Oh yeah.” Rei’s voice was low and rich.

“We’re finding a singer and start our career, what else would we do?!” A whiny almost high-pitched voice chipped in belonging to the playful Muraki, his black and white hair was spiked with a long ponytail hanging down his back and Shouta wondered if he was scared to go outside during a rainstorm with all those piercings lining his ears, nose, and lip. Actually Rei sported a row of half looped silver rings on his left ear reaching the small pointed peak. Shouta laughed inwardly and wondered if it was mandatory for rock musicians to puncture the shit out of their bodies when they realize they possess musical talent.

Muraki winked at Shouta before tugging at Rei’s black beat up leather jacket. “Tsume’s ready to leave.”

“Where are you guys going?” A young bubbly red head bounced into Rei’s waiting arms. Shouta decided to get up, passing the lively trio. He could tell this was a normal thing among them…to be so close. The red head’s false blue eyes scanned the blonde as he walked to the bar.

“Who’s the hottie?” The red head asked.

“I don’t know, I think he works here.”

Muraki pulled the small boy off Rei. “I remember him from that gang fight in the locker room.”

“Oh yeah.” Rei remembered.

“Dangerous.”

“Akio. I don’t think he’s gay.” Muraki laughed at the near salivating boy. But the teen paid him no mind as he glided across the room, his lithe body sporting his favorite old KISS T-shirt, the one he found at the bottom of his father’s closet and one he took to spite him one last time before his father kicked him out of the house for his sexuality. But he didn’t mind, his father was always a heartless ass and he, the rebel without a cause–in a mischievous way of course, he never allowed his hardships to get the best of him, especially when he was surrounded by friends.

“Hi.” He smiled resting his pale arms against the damp bar.

“Hey.” Shouta looked at him confused before dumping the last ashtray of salted peanuts into the tin and sealing it shut.

“You work here now? I think that’s great.” The red head pushed his body closing off Shouta’s zone.

Before he could work his self proclaimed magic.

“Akio, the dude is straight so he ain’t buying what you’re selling.” Muraki sang loudly.

The sight of the blonde turning scarlet sent the band and crew in hysterics and before the red head refocused his attentions Shouta had vanished into the back kitchen.

The next morning Kei stood at the bottom of the ragged apartment complex looking up at the rusted door overhearing the familiar commotion inside. He felt bad for his friend as he always did but the necessary steps to get rid of him had to begin with Shouta.  The only thing he could do is keep his open invitation for him to move.

Shouta exited the door wiping the blood from his face with his ripped T-shirt and once he reached the pavement Kei spoke. “Another fight.” He stated matter of fact.

“Yeah.”

“I hate that bastard.”

“Not as much as me.”

“Need a place to crash?”

“Nah, I only came back to pick up ma uniform, I’m staying somewhere else right now and I might quit school and just get a job so I can get my own place.”

“You only have a few months to go.”

“I know…but how else can I support myself?”

Shouta stopped in a nearby empty alleyway and changed into his spare uniform and the two set off to school.

“You could’ve spent the night.” Kei said passing the disheveled teen a bagel. “You look like shit.” He said remarking about the formed bruises and overall appearance.

“Then I guess I look how I feel. I slept at Grunge City, I know the owner, he’s a pretty cool guy. These bands were having an all night session so that combined with the pain I couldn’t get any sleep.”

The boys eventually met up with Dai and Aya who approached their meeting spot in front of the colorful cell phone store– which seemed to act as the halfway point  dividing their two sections of the city. Kei noticed the distance Dai and Aya  maintained from each other and he figured their little fight wasn’t going to blow over any time soon.

“Oh my God, what happened?!” Aya said reaching out to touch Shouta’s sore flesh.

“Ma Dad. Don’t worry I moved out. I’m quitting school and working to save up  money.”

“I can give you the money.” Dai offered as the teens set off toward the building.

“Nah, it’s ma problem and I’ll get maself out.”

“Take it, I was going to give this money to you anyway when you were about to run away from Miki.”

“What about the tattoo?”

“Tattoo?” Kei and Aya asked simultaneously. “You’re getting a tattoo Dai?” Aya continued.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Shouta.” He turned his attention to the blond no longer having to strain his neck to look up at the teen. “I have the money to pay off the artist, with enough to spare for you and my Grandpa so don’t worry about it. You can’t just sleep on the streets, since I bet you’re too proud to crash at one of our houses. It will take forever to raise the key money and deposits so just take the cash. If you budget properly you should have more than enough to keep you going until you graduate.”

Shouta couldn’t help but smile at his friend. His eyes raked over his form and noticed he had gotten taller than before and now came to his nose. He smiled and turned away unable to gaze at those gray eyes for a moment longer.

“I’ll think about it, Dai.”

Once the teen changed their shoes and entered the hall the boy’s ears were assaulted by the screams and squeals of the girls around them and to their surprise Aya joined in with a smile that lit up the entire room.

“Holy Crap! It’s them!” She squealed at the dark and dangerous looking men.

“And who the heck are they exactly?” Kei asked unable to hide the jealously in his voice.

The young girls crowded the door to the music room asking for kisses, dates, and autographs.

“ Parasitic Wasp, a local band formed at the school by a group of seniors. I heard them play last night, although they couldn’t really perform without a singer. But they had one hell of a jam session with another band.” Shouta explained.

“You were there?!” Aya exclaimed. “How come you didn’t call me?!”

“I didn’t know you liked them.” Shouta shrugged internally cowering from the girl’s famous death glare.

“I love them! I think they have a real shot at making it, too bad they haven’t done anything since their lead singer quit.”

“Yeah. They’re only managing to keep their club room open by trying to recruit new members from the school but if they don’t find anyone soon they may have to dissolve the club. Which means they will lose the benefits of using the music room.” Shouta added.

‘Ah so that’s why he asked me.’ Dai thought, thinking of the small audition in the bathroom. ‘They must be desperate to keep their club alive.’

Dai’s eyes passed the colorful sign: Auditions for a play!: Come and let your creative juices flow!

“What is this?”He tore the piece of paper from the wall.

“You should try out for it.” Happy go lucky Toya Shimada, the captain of the drama club approached from behind. Dai believed he was the forever chipper type, the one who always saw the good in everything and everyone. “You’re reliable enough.”

Dai laughed unable to hide the contempt in its tone, he had no idea why.. “I doubt it.”

“C’mon, we’re trying to keep the drama club active and a play is a good start, I know you haven’t been a part of any clubs…”

“Fine, give me the sign-in sheet.’”He held out his hand for the clipboard the other boy gripped like a life line. The teen seemed surprised at his fast cooperation but quickly complied. Dai scribbled his name and handed him the board. ‘Maybe this is what I need to keep my mind off of Shi.’ He thought watching the soft featured boy smile at him. ‘I put myself down for set design, if that’s okay.’

“Sure, no problem! The meetings are after school in the auditorium.

The final bell rang as Dai entered the large empty room noting the artsy stragglers lofting about the lined red theatre chairs. They resembled a small and unified community–all in attendance because they either loved art, plays, music, or just had nothing else better to sign up for. His eyes shifted to the sound of a familiar voice. ‘Wow what is Aya doing here?‘

“Hey Aya!”

Soft eyes darted in the direction of the greeting but grew hard and directed her attention at her flock of friends.

‘Okay, I guess she is still mad at me.‘ He thought feeling a tinge of hurt. However despite her anger he did what he believed was right and quite frankly her throwing such a stink about his decision pissed him off more than the pain. But there was no time to reflect on the possible loss of a friendship the club leader was taking center stage and addressing the stragglers.

“Okay guys, thanks everyone for signing up for the drama club. I’m Toya Shimada and I’m the club leader.”

“What type of play are we doing?” A voice rang out from the sprawled out teens.

“Well, um. I haven’t decided yet. That’s what this meeting is about.”

“We can do Hamlet, it’s a neat classic.” A girl with glasses piped up.

“Okay, since everyone wants Hamlet then…”

“Why not put on our own play. Hamlet’s been done to death already.” Dai interrupted.

“ What do you have in mind Dai?”

“Well, we can do something original.” He shrugged. “Perhaps a dark story like Nightmare before Christmas.”

“Yeah that sounds kinda cool, but we can use our own music and story.” Another teen added.

“Of course.” Dai agreed.”“Hm, are you sure we can come up with an original play in such a short time? I was hoping to do it before the seniors leave school this year. This means we only have three months to go.” Toya lamented.

“If you want to prove the drama club is needed then a more original and creative show is needed. I’m sure if we all work hard we can meet the challenge of the two month deadline.” Dai said feeling himself getting more and more pumped up by the idea.

The sleek black town car parked with a kick back in front of the simple corner store. “Shit I can’t believe I’m running late.” The tall impeccably dressed man said as he exited the vehicle. ‘I just have to head in and out nothing more.’

He strode through the glass doors turning here and there looking for the possible aisle that housed what he wanted.

‘Why the hell does he like these things anyway?‘ he thought checking the cookie section. Sure enough he hit gold–a small package of watermelon Daifuku, he could smell the flavor emanating from the six little light green gelled balls in the glossy pack. He wondered why anyone liked them.

Just as he grabbed an extra pack to be on the safe side he spotted a familiar tuff of white hair and instantly thought of Dai. Sweets in hand he made his way down the florescent lighted hall toward the meat section and sure enough the teen stood sorting through the food. His short mane had grown to a length above his shoulders, and colored all black except for one white bang parted to the left. Kane could have sworn he was some sort of Yakuza thug but he knew Dai was far from some violent thug. He wore a dark buttoned up form fitted coat and for a brief moment Kane wondered about the body underneath. ‘Might as well say hello.’

“Dai.”

“Kane!” The teen looked up surprised.

Kane loved the way his gray eyes glittered in the light.

“What are you doing here?” Dai asked while placing the meat in his cart.

“I have a parent teacher’s conference at Satoshi’s school. It’s not far from here so I stopped in to pick up some candy for my brother. I figured a place like this would have it.”

“So things are going well between you and your brother?” Dai smiled.

“It’s none of your business but yeah.”

“That’s good, I’m proud of you.” He Ignored the initial retort, he knew Kane had to slip a biting comment somewhere, might as well be sooner rather than later. “Oh, I never really got a chance to properly thank you…for the money. You didn’t have to but you did.”

“It was nothing.” Kane shrugged it off.

“Of course.” Dai lowered his head. “It may not had been a big deal to someone who had the money to give like pocket change, but…”

“It’s not like that. I wanted to help you…because I still care about you Dai.”

The shorter teen looked up and away, almost captured once again by those dark retina pools.

“You still care about me?” He steeled himself before looking up once more. “Hm, are you the real Kaito Kane? Or does a pod person have you?”

“No. I mean it.” He rolled his eyes but not in a mocking or cruel way. “So, how is that boyfriend of yours. Shi, was it?” He asked fighting back the tinge of jealousy.

“H-He’s dead.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I didn’t know it was that deep.”

“His problems extended beyond what money could fix.”

Kane wiped away the shock that settled on his face. He truly meant what he said, if he had known he would’ve helped but the ruthless streak dominating his very existence for years rejoiced. Dai was free. But not even he understood what his freedom meant. He had to admit he had thought of him from time to time and they each had seem to have passed any transgressions between them. There was one thing he knew for certain–a lot has changed since the last time they had spoken and he wasn’t sure if Dai was even the same person from before, actually he was sure of it, but it didn’t deter him. In fact, he wanted to know more.

“If you need to let it all out don’t be afraid to visit me at my office, that’s where I usually am.”

Dai smiled, thankful for the offer. “Thanks, but I think I’m finding an outlet.”

“Good.” Kane nodded but not liking the possible brush off.

“But it feels good talking to you so I may just take up on the offer.”

The two smiled at one another understanding this invitation opened up new possibilities. However, where it would take them neither of them knew.

A young girl giggled at the pair before grabbing a wrapped pork tenderloin and passing them glancing back before disappearing down an aisle. Dai thought she resembled one of those old colorful Chinese jars made to look like little chubby women. ‘What a pair we probably make.’ He thought. Kane dressed sharply in his black suit and long dress coat, shoes buffed to a high luster, dark hair still spiked and neatly trimmed.

“Well I have to hurry up, and Dai I really mean it.” He quickly walked away.

‘Kane looks so mellow now, maybe Osamu’s death was for the best.’

“Fuck!” Dai yelled almost not expecting the echo to carry his voice across the auditorium. “I give up.” He breathed softly.

“What’s wrong Dai?” The young red head asked heading his way.

“I wasn’t blessed with drawing skills.” Dai replied with a smile.

“I can draw pretty good. Just tell me what you are going for and I can sketch something up.” The boy offered.

“Wow thanks!”

“I wonder if we will have this play done on time.” The boy asked looking around the room at each student busy working; sketching trees, gothic homes, rounding up old supplies from the drama club, anything  screaming horror.

“I wonder the same thing. Shimada hasn’t written anything nor do we even have a name to begin advertising.”

“Hi I’m Akio.” The boy held out his hand for Dai to take realizing that neither of them knew the other.

“Dai.” He took it.

‘Cute and innocent.‘ He thought feeling the heat of the younger boy’s skin and finding it strangely comforting.

‘Hot. I heard he was into guys, I wonder if this would be my big break in losing my virginity, and to such a beautiful guy on top of it!’ Akio gushed inside his head, is eyes grazing Dai’s long neck.

“That’s it! I can’t do it! We are doing Hamlet!” Toya burst in from backstage.

“Why?” Dai asked disappointed.

“I can’t write anything good, every idea I have goes into the garbage! I can’t write dark! I’ve never been dark!” The boy panicked his glasses sitting crookedly on his face.

“Okay, relax.” Dai stood up and placed his hand on his shoulder hoping to calm the near hysterical boy down. “How about I take over as production leader?”

“…fine. I’m such a failure!” He cried.

“No you’re not, you’re gonna work your tail off too, we all will–and it’s going to be as good as we can make it.”

Lyrical Disgrace- Chapter One

Chapter One

Aya, Kei, and Shouta entered the small room unable to keep from glancing at the empty bed–the light blue sheets were folded neatly along with the similar colored plaid comforter, no one had slept there and a part of them still expected Shi to be lying on top just as they had left him. The trio stood behind Dai as he kneeled on the floor–his legs ached but he seemed to enjoy the pain as a sign of his love and devotion to the memory of his lover.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kei asked concerned.

The last funeral he remembered was Miu’s–the cold lifeless body of the girl he dreamed of spending his life with flashed in his mind he suddenly wanted to vomit, the strong scent of the incense made him nauseated.

Dai glanced up finally as if remembering to do so. “Yes. He’s home now and that’s all that matters.”

Aya eyed the polished urn next to the sweet burning powder, her blood simmered, she understood how unsympathetic she would sound but she did not care. ”Why didn’t tell us?! We all could have said goodbye!”

“He wasn’t yours to say goodbye to.” Dai simply stated engulfed in his own grief to think about hers.

Reluctant to continue her voice broke and paused she half expected Dai to get heated and fight with her–but his words seemed so matter of fact. “But even so…” She hung her head low–defeated.

“Hey why don’t we leave?” Kei intervened escorting the crying girl out the door.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it…I…I really liked him.” She sobbed once they reached the pavement.

“I understand how you feel.” He placed a warm comforting arm around her. “But without Shi’s family around Dai and his grandfather had the final say and this was the decision they made. You have no place to say otherwise and besides what’s done is done.”

“I know.” She sniffled settling down.

“Hey why don’t I take you to Gremory’s Café and get you that berry smoothie you like so much.” He smiled–he hated watching girls cry, their soft voices and teary faces instantly forced him to react. Worse he hated seeing a girl he cared for weep and he had known Aya for so long she was almost like a sister to him…almost.

 

The thick smoke of the incense and somber mood engulfed the bedroom and Shouta had no idea how to comfort his friend. His eyes raked over the small altar by the wall on the floor. The rolled ashy trails left behind littered the table and the little bowl of rice was spoiling by the picture frame. He wanted to say something, anything, but for a long time, he stood watching Dai rest on his knees with his head hung low and fingers clasped together in silent prayer.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened.” The blond faintly spoke.

With a small sigh, the smaller teen unclasped his fingers looking to his friend. “It’s not your fault. Shi knew that taking revenge on Miki would cost him his life.”

The heaviness between them lifted and Shouta kneeled beside Dai to offer his own prayer.

“How long have you been like this?” Shouta asked feeling the shift of the body next to him.

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter.”

Shouta opened his mouth to speak when the bedroom door slowly crept open. The old man stood tall with a slight crinkle in the corner of his eyes. His gray hair combed and his grey sweater and ash colored jeans gave him a young causal appearance. He must have been very handsome in his heyday. His lips remained full and only showed the slight creases of his age. Shouta wondered if Dai would look like him in a few years. After all Dai was only half Japanese…come to think of it Shouta had no idea what race Benjirou was but despite the name he most certainly was not Japanese. Perhaps Mediterranean or something judging by the light olive tone of the flesh. He shook his head not wanting to dwell on such matters.

“Ah, Shouta. I didn’t expect you. Would you like something to eat as well?”

“Sure, thank you.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“C’mon, Dai. Maybe you can eat a little?” Shouta said worried.

“Dai, I understand you are grieving but you must eat something or you will make yourself sick.” His grandfather warned–his voice stern.

“I know Grandpa.” Dai nodded. “It’s just that right now I want to be with Shi.”

“You can eat your meal in here if it makes you feel better. And Dai remember, you have only a few weeks with his remains before we give him a proper burial site. Understand?”

Dai sighed, the thought of even his remains finally leaving him was not something he wanted to hear. He had planned to keep them, but this was the one thing his grandfather did not relent on.

“I’m going to see an old friend. Shouta, make sure he eats.”

“Yes, sir.”

The old man tried to shake off the approaching cough as he shut the door.

 

Benjirou entered the small and narrow foyer making sure to slip off his oxfords and hung his jacket on the rack before entering the humble apartment. He missed the dusty musty smell of the worn books lining the shelves–the thick voluminous pages that could not be found in any library. The walls themselves might as well had been the books. He stepped over the scattered papers and old scrolls on the light pine wood floor, his dark navy socks making such a feat almost impossible as he slid before maintaining his balance. He reached the frayed red cotton chair–once majestic with its green trim and gold buttons now the item missed a few.

Benjirou rested his arms and sat back annoyed by the creaking of his spine.

“Sorry you had to see my place in such a mess.” The man shouted from the equally cluttered kitchen. Fresh farmer’s cheese rested on the cutting board, yellow onions, parsnips, and potatoes lined his portable island. He reached for the small hanging pot and a garlic bulb dangling above the window–which he now opened the bamboo blinds allowing a stream of light to bounce off the red brick walls. Dr Johnson’s eyesight wasn’t as good as it used to be, he was even forced to retire from archeology after mistakenly shipping off the wrong Roman vase to a curator in Cairo, an item worth more than the one that was supposed to had been shipped. The Egyptian refused to return the vase and it took a lawsuit and more money than the company could spend to retrieve it. Given a large bonus he was let go to ‘relax and take it easy’; advice he never wanted to take.. However, his leave afforded him the time and money to move to Tokyo and be closer to his old friend and former colleague. With great care he sliced the vegetables and wiped his hands on his yellow apron making sure nothing spilled on his light brown and red lined tweed jacket.

“Oh please, I’m used to your place looking like a storm blew through it.” Benjirou smiled bending over to pick up a book on Ancient Mummies, His fingers grazed over the image of the long dead wrapped figure on the cover his mind transported to the desert; the heat and the sand in his shoes as he trekked the steps of those who had lived thousands of years before him. How he imagined himself an Egyptian priest walking the hot sands toward the towering temple.

“Has your hearing left you?”

“Uh?!”

“I asked if you would like some English tea or the vanilla Caramel.” Dr Johnson chuckled.

“I’ll take the vanilla caramel.”

Dr Johnson waved his hand dismissively. He knew he would choose the Vanilla caramel, it was his favorite but he hardly thought it was a worthy brand to drink, especially since he had the English and Earl Grey imported from that sweet little tea shop in London.

“Have you heard word from Frank?” Benjirou asked of their old friend.

“No, sadly I’ve lost his number and never been able to remember, hell he probably forgot mine too. Why? Haven’t you heard from him?” He replied placing the mugs on the small round table and taking the seat next to him, his own steamy mug pressed to his lips.

“No. I just wonder if he’s dead.” Benjirou stated so matter of fact.

Dr Johnson laughed, the creases formed on his dark eyes. “If he was dead I think I would be able to feel it. Sometimes hatred is a strong connection.”

“What? You two still harboring that old feud?”

“Hell yes. I’ll never forgive him for stealing my job back in ’74. I mean I found a better one but still, it’s the principle my handsome friend.”

Benjirou laughed while replacing the book with his mug, smelling the steam and taking in the scent of the vanilla and caramel infusion. A rich bold perfume reminding him of his late wife. “We’re at that age.” He sighed.

The meaning of his words was clear. “Yeah, it sucks.”

“You’re telling me.” He took a sip of his lukewarm tea and smiled. “I worry about my grandsons, especially Dai. I don’t know what will happen to him when I’m gone.” His face took on a grim expression.

“Are his episodes gone?”

“Oh yes, to some extent, he did suffer from some hallucinations in the hospital, which didn’t help matters much. But I fear he is going to think he is alone.” He loosened his body against the chair and sighed. “I really want him to reconnect with his brother.”

Meanwhile…

 

The day was going to be a long one, he could feel it. Up at six a.m., at the office by seven, five calls waiting for him, and a cup of coffee tasting like cigarette buds–he had to get that damn secretary to find him a new brand. His head throbbed, no Advil in the drawer, and a budget meeting waiting for him. Fuck!

The jolting ring of the phone startled him and he almost felt embarrassed by his reaction. He grimaced to no one in particular before picking up his cell.

“What is it?”

“Hey did you sign the papers for my field trip to Hokkaido?”

“What?!” He squeezed the corner of his eyes–why won’t this headache go away? He finally tossed his glasses off his face and ran his fingers through his black hair. Now he remembered. “Oh yeah. Look I don’t think I can make it.”

“What?! Why not?”

“I have work and you know that.” He replied nearly cutting the boy off.

“What about our promise to get along and do things together?”

“Satoshi. I haven’t broken that promise it’s just that there are certain things I can’t do.”

“Like be there for me”

“Don’t say that. I am here for you now. I just…I’ll see what I can do but give me time.” He finally breathed.

He heard the boy groan on the other end before promptly hanging up. Whether his brother believed him or not he had no time to dwell on the matter.

 

Over the past few days, the snow melted along with Dai’s weight. Under the watchful and worrisome eyes of his grandfather. Dai shielded himself behind bulkier clothing when he was not behind the doors of his room. The area was fast becoming a sanctuary to him. Like a small oratory housing the soul of his saint. The only person who visited often was Shouta armed with a big juicy Shax burger or a large pizza from the Pizza Garage to treat him and force him to eat. However, Dai wasn’t taking anything, which annoyed the blond and Benjirou who slipped him the cash. If Dai did not begin eating soon he was afraid he would have to take drastic measures and have him committed again.

Shouta entered the small room watching Dai in his all too familiar pose by the shrine. Sea green eyes raked over the thin frail body of his friend, his concerned turned to annoyance that he was not taking good care of himself. Shouta eyed the picture of Shi..

“Is this what it’s like to really love someone?” He thought wanting nothing more than to see Dai’s smiling face again.

When Dai noticed him looking, he smiled a sad and wistful smile. “We took that on a date.”

Shouta kneeled beside him almost afraid to touch him out of fear he would break.

“You need to stop this. Your grandfather is worried sick about you.”

“I know. He gives you money to entice me with food.” Dai replied, his gray eyes never leaving the altar.

“Shi would not want this, they both care about you…and I care about you too.” He spoke softly encouraging him. “Do you think Shi would want this for you?”

“Shi doesn’t want anything because he is dead.”

“I would much rather you cry everyday than not eat.”

Dai covered his sulking face, the warm tears poured from his eyes. “I know, it’s like a hole I know I have to start climbing out of but I can’t.”

“Then let me help you climb out!”

The teen shook his head. “I won’t inconvenience your life like that.”

“You’re not an inconvenience! You’re my…friend. I care about you Dai… I…” Shouta faced the frail boy who finally removed his hands from his face. The taller teen lifted his head by his pointed chin planting a soft kiss on his wet lips.

The closed mouth passionless kiss lasted for but a moment before Dai retreated and before he could lift another wall Shouta pulled him closer into a deeper kiss.

‘I’m actually doing it.‘ He thought feeling the soft mouth against his rough one. Deepening the kiss further tasting the warm tongue. The body of the frail teen soften against him and give way and just as Dai’s tongue timidly peeked, forward his mouth went limp, and the room grew dark.

Beef Jerky

Do many women eat beef jerky? I only hear of guys who like it but I can’t stop eating the stuff right now. I’m munching on the sweet and hot kind. Although I think if this was chicken or turkey it would be even better.  I’m going low carb for a month and figure this is the best way to start.  I’m also eating a lot of fruit so I have no plans on some jerky diet or something. It’s just that I bought some today and it’s awesome.

Pen name/Real name

So, I’m planning to begin releasing some books under my real name. I still plan to use my pen name (Rochelle Ragnarok) for yaoi releases. Why? Well for one I feel like I’m planning to do so much to the point where I don’t want anyone to have to shift through my work to find what they are interested in. If a fan is looking for my yaoi novels, I don’t want them to accidentally buy  one of my horror novels expecting yaoi where there is none and vice versa. I believe it makes me a little more organized.

Why did you choose Rochelle H. Ragnarok as a pen name?

At least I think this would be the next question. technically, the only thing about that name that’s a pen name is the surname Ragnarok. Rochelle is my middle name and it’s a name many of my friends call me. The H is another part of my middle name which makes my middle name over all very long. lol!

Where did you get the name Ragnarok?

From an anime. I believe it was Soul Eater that mentioned it. After looking up it’s Norse meanings: conjure and origin/fate it solidified that this was a pen name I wanted.  I’m very much into wicca and paganism (although I’m not a very good pagan lol), it fascinates me so the name fits.

Anyway, I just wanted to make this small announcement. Before, I was going to create a new blog and do the whole “different person” thing but that is just too much work for no real reason. It’s not like I’m the only author to ever use a pen name. It’s almost cliche to use one.  But whatever. I will create a separate page for my other releases both on my website and blog.

The Room Comic Vol1 ch 2 *argh!*

I swear this chapter is trolling me! lol! For months I have had notices from apple telling me something is wrong with this chapter. The images are screwy or something. So I go in to fix it and resubmit and then I get another set of issues with embedded fonts in images. I look over the document again and I can’t see what the issue is so I made a vain attempt at a fix by adding a section break in the document to separate the text from the set of images. I hope this works and the issue is cleared, if not then I will tear my hair out.

Book Cover Design

I have to admit that I love and hate designing a cover for a book. Okay, I love it WAY more but it can be a pain in it’s own way. What you see right now is a test cover for my soon to be released novel “Blood Blade” and not only is it the hardest book I’ve ever written but the cover is proving to be my greatest challenge. So far I’m okay with it but my concern is the female on the cover. I don’t know whether to scrap her for another or find a nonhuman image like a symbol or leave that spot blank. But whether the cover remains the same  or turn out totally different than this I’m glad to show them off.

When I look at these covers I can’t help but pat myself on the back because I’ve come a long way from some of my more hideous covers. I think Highway 306 was one of them and I blew through two different ugly designs of the Hell City Hills cover before being happy with the second edition cover…I actually wanted to post the worst cover for HCH but can’t find it on my computer. lol!!

Designing the covers for my Boys in Love novels were easy because Candra is an awesome artist. With those it was more about selecting the font and the placement of my name.

I’m using Photoshop and I believe that the background image alone is at least three or four different images. As for the girl herself.  The novel is featuring a female character, a strong  and fearsome fighter and I believe she represents that big time.  I wanted to avoid the stereotypical leading female image of a sexy distressed girl or a sexy vixen. I wanted a girl who looks like she could kick some ass. Naturally I have to get permission for my modified version before publishing but that isn’t for a few months and I don’t want to bother an artist unless I am 100% sure I’ll use the image and I’m still unsure.

So what do you think?

Take Our Poll

 

Switching Blogs!

Well I’m in the process of switching from blogger to WordPress. there is a bit of a learning curve as posting on WordPress isn’t as easy as blogger. But stick with me and hopefully I’ll become a pro in no time.

Congrats Goodreads Winners!!

A big thank you and Congrats to the winners of my month long goodreads giveaway for “Lyrical Disgrace (Boys in Love #3)”

Lena Ridett

Danielle Wilson

Barbara S. Titus

Kalpit Momaya

Chad Dejohn

A total of 693 people entered to win only five available pre-released copies of my latest Yaoi novel. Thank you all for participating! Lyrical Disgrace will be available to the public on May 2, 2014.