Chris Hardwick's Blog, page 2312

GAME OF THRONES Re-Throned: “The Night Lands” (S2, E2)

Winter is coming, but not soon enough. So to help pass the time until season seven of Game of Thrones, we’re doing a weekly re-watch of the series, episode-by-episode, with the knowledge of what’s to come and—therefore—more information about the unrevealed rich history of events that took place long before the story began. Be warned, though: that means this series is full of spoilers for every season, even beyond the episode itself. So if you haven’t watched all of the show yet immediately get on that and then come back and join us for Game of Thrones Re-Throned.

Because the next best thing to watching new episodes is re-watching old ones.

——

Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”

Original Air Date: April 8th, 2012

Director: Alan Taylor

Written by: David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

How do you feel about Theon Greyjoy right now? The last we saw of him he was standing beside his sister trying to make an alliance with Daenerys Targaryen, and now he is sailing back to Westeros with the Mother of Dragons to face his Uncle Euron. But has Theon been redeemed in your eyes? Is he even someone worthy of finding redemption?

I have hated few characters on Game of Thrones as much as I have hated Theon Greyjoy. His betrayal of Robb has always bothered me more than any other double cross. When he took a sword–repeatedly–to Ser Rodrik’s neck after claiming Winterfell, I knew I could never forgive him. No bad that came to him would be enough, so while he was being tortured and mutilated by Ramsay Bolton I had no sympathy for him. Theon wasn’t worthy of feeling badly for, and he wasn’t worthy of empathy.

And I was probably wrong.

That doesn’t excuse what he did to House Stark or those two young farmer’s boys, but this episode, where he returns to his homeland on the Iron Islands for the first time since he became a ward/prisoner of Ned Stark, feels much harsher and sadder now.

Rather than be happy to see his son, Balon scolds him for having been made a “daughter” of Ned Stark. His own sister mocks him (and yeah, that creepy brother/sister feeling up on the horse is as terrible as ever, more so on a re-watch because we know who Yara is). Balon insults his clothes, he questions his loyalty, he is disgusted at the way he lives, and he questions if he remembers his two dead brothers.

Theon had been with the Starks longer than he had been on Pyke. For nine years he was Ned’s ward, so he was just a little boy who saw his two brothers killed in a stupid, foolish, shortsighted rebellion by his father against Robert, who was then shipped away to pay for his father’s sins and guarantee his peace.

We saw in season one Theon never truly fit in at Winterfell. You can be treated with love and respect, but Westeros is a world of families, and he was not a Stark. So here he comes with this offer from Robb that he came up with, expecting to be the returning hero where he will be greeted by every important person on the Iron Islands, and what he finds is that he doesn’t belong here either, and that no one cares about him.

His father refuses the offer to be King of the Iron Islands if he supports Robb, and instead tells Theon he will take his throne by paying the iron price, though not against the Lannisters. Stand with his father or stand with Robb?

Theon Greyjoy isn’t really a Greyjoy, but he’s not a Stark either. He is basically a bastard that is despised by his father for being one, even though his father made him this way.

We know Theon screwed up. He had sworn that Robb was his king and that he would stand by him, but he was always just that scared kid that was sent away by his father. We don’t have to forgive Theon’s decisions to understand them; we can empathize with him, and from there we can maybe hope to see him redeemed.

I know his story is about to grow tiresome soon enough, when his season of being tortured by Ramsay goes on way too long, but Theon is the de facto high born bastard of Westeros, only without a family where that is the only thing that matters. Jon might not have been a Stark in name, but he was a Stark in blood. What did Theon have? No home, no family, no respect, and no one to empathize with him.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that someone treated with such contempt by those that should have loved him ended up being so contemptible, but it doesn’t mean we can’t try to understand why it happened.

What do you think of Theon? Is he more sympathetic than we might have thought? Or are his actions a creaky wooden bridge too far? Tell us what you think in the comments before.

Images: HBO

MR. ROBOT Season 2 Finale Recap: Python Pt. 2

*Editor’s Note: This post includes spoilers for USA’s Mr. Robot. Like all of them. Read at  your own risk if you haven’t watched yet! (And don’t say we didn’t warn you, OK?)

Leading up to tonight’s finale of Mr. Robot, I spent a considerable amount of time mulling over everything that took place in season two to come up with a theory about the big a-ha moment Sam Esmail had planned for the episode. With Tyrell back, my mind went to him first: Are he and Elliot the same person? Is he another one of Mr. Robot’s mind tricks? Is he Elliot’s son from the future? Of course, considering Tyrell’s absence from the season, all of these theories are akin to throwing a dart at a target with a blindfold on. There’s a feeling of familiarity between them that extends beyond their team up last season.

After watching the final episode, “Python Pt. 2,” I can tell you that we won’t get a definite answer to any of those questions, but rather the sensation that the two being personally related has intensified. There is also a striking connection between Dom and Darlene, with a particular theory (regarding a romantic relationship) teased the whole time with no payoff. (Like every episode.) there is a lot to dissect, so let’s get right to it.

The episode kicked off with a familiar scene from season one, featuring Tyrell and Elliot. After Tyrell threatened to reveal Elliot’s “dirty little secret” to his loved ones, Elliot shut him down and told him it wouldn’t do anyone any good. Tyrell followed that up with an emotional reaction: he is sure that there is a reason they met, which Elliot responded to with, “You are only seeing what is in front of you, not above”—a line Tyrell said to Joanna last season. The odd connection came full circle when Tyrell recited William Carlos William’s poem, “The Red Wheelbarrow.”

Here it is in full:

“so much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens.”

For those who don’t remember, the name on Elliot’s composition notebooks was “Red Wheelbarrow.” It also happens to be the name of the show’s tie-in book, set to release on November 1. After a light bit of digging, I found a number of theories about what Williams was getting at with the poem. While they were all different, the main thread consistent throughout has to do with perception.  The only question now is how this connects to the show.

Tyrell admitted that it was the only phrase his father knew in English, and that he repeated it as a reminder of what he never wanted to become. Amidst the Mr. Robot theories, the only one that seems to be connected to this is the one that Tyrell and Elliot are in fact related, and that Tyrell has somehow travelled back in time to change events. Whiterose’s obsession with time jives with that theory as well. Time is always of the essence for her, so maybe she and the Dark Army are from the future as well. They’re aware of E Corp’s plans regarding E Coin and set the plan in motion via Elliot to stop the conglomerate from rebuilding.

Regarding the poem, the word “glazed” is definitely tied to time. Rain will come and go, and leaves physical evidence of its presence on its surface (a.k.a. weathering). In Mr. Robot, everything depends on Elliot and how the events affect him. When he and Tyrell headed to their base, Elliot’s inner monologue centered on perception of the world around him. As he pointed out, trusting his own mind is one thing, but what if he can’t trust his own eyes and ears? Is he really seeing what he is seeing? Is he in something like The Matrix?

Tyrell also revealed that the Dark Army’s mysterious “Phase 2” involves blowing up a nearby building which will soon hold all of E Corp’s documents. The corporation plans on rebuilding the database, and Whiterose’s group of hackers are prepared to bring it down in a violent way (Oh, so that’s what the femtocell Elliot coded for Darlene was really for.)

When he realized innocent lives were going to be at stake, Elliot threatened to stop the plan, but Tyrell wasn’t going to let him do that. Tyrell told Elliot that if he didn’t step away from the computer, he would shoot him. Under the impression that the situation was all in his head, Elliot told Tyrell he wasn’t real, meaning Tyrell could not shoot him—but he did. While lying in a puddle of his own blood, Mr. Robot told Elliot that before they set out to bring down the company, Elliot made it clear that they had to go all the way for them to be successful, which includes not letting himself get in the way.

Esmail had every opportunity to reveal the duo’s connection, and whether what Elliot was experiencing was even real, but didn’t. Though it left me yearning for more—and disappointed that the importance wasn’t explained like Elliot’s connection with Mr. Robot last season—it matched the feeling of the poem and added to the mystery.

Of course, Elliot wasn’t killed in the process. Following the attack, Tyrell reached out to Angela who knew he would be calling. She wanted to be the first one he saw when Elliot woke up. Though her connection to Tyrell was surprising, the shocking part of the conversation was when Tyrell tearfully admitted to loving Elliot. What sort of love—romantic or familial—remains to be seen. (Angela also admitted to loving him before heading out of her apartment. GASP!)

Speaking of love, there was a strange vibe between Dom and Darlene this episode, no? Which, oh yes: Darlene is alive, but unfortunately the same can’t be said of Cisco (R.I.P. Cisco). While she was interrogating her fellow survivor, Dom kept using terms of endearment like “hun,” “dear,” and “sweetheart.” It’s hard to tell whether they’re merely attempts to play the sympathy card to get information or have emotional weight behind them. Darlene remained closed off to her—until Dom took her into another room.

It turns out Darlene’s resistance to reveal information that could potentially incriminate her was for naught. When Dom ushered her through the office and into another room, Darlene realized the FBI knows a lot about fsociety, and has known it for quite some time. Like something straight out of a crime show, the connections between Darlene, Gideon, Mobley, Cisco, and Elliot were laid out, with the man at the intersection of it all being Tyrell. As Dom mentioned before, the main reason behind their mission was to locate Tyrell Wellick. She likened the approach to a python, which lies in wait patiently for its prey. They’ve been tracking them for a while and there’s nothing to hide, and no reason to deny her connection.

Still, the only person who knows about Tyrell’s fate is Elliot. Even Joanna—who seemed to be on the right track—was led on a wild goose chase. The address Elliot located a few episodes back led to the home of Scott Knowles. Apparently he was the one responsible for sending her all of the gifts throughout the season. (He wanted to mess with her, but felt sorry.) He lashed out as a result of his grief over losing his wife and Joanna, being the cold-hearted snake that she is, added her two cents and got beat to a pulp as a result.

But like Elliot, she, too, did not die. When her lover was comforting her later on, she made him promise to go to the cops and insinuate that Knowles had something to do with Tyrell’s disappearance. She wants him to be punished for the way he messed with her.

The biggest surprise of all, however, came in the after credits scene. In it, Mobley and Trenton are seen in their new hometown in the middle of nowhere, discussing something Trenton discovered. If she is right about whatever it is, it means they could potentially undo everything and put it all back the way it was. Which: if that isn’t a reference to time travel, I don’t know what is! Before they are able to discuss the matter further, Leon showed up and asked if they had the time. He explicitly referenced Whiterose before, so we’re 100% certain now that he is a member of the Dark Army. So now we have more questions than ever.

What did you think of the finale? How is everyone connected? What do you think is going to happen next season? Leave your theories below, join the conversation on Facebook, or start one with me on Twitter: @Samantha_Sofka.

Images: USA

Nerdist Comics Panel #97: MY SECRET ORIGIN

Heath Corson pulls back the curtain on… HIMSELF! That’s right true believers, join Heath and interviewer David Gutierrez as they strip away the onion-like layers to find the truth of the impossible enigma that is Heath Corson’s career as he talks about the creative process for the DC animated movies, pitching, working, how he am Bizarro, how to break in and how to stay in the entertainment industry. This episode was recorded live at a Writer Q & A at the Comic Bug Comic Shop in Manhattan Beach. Today’s theme is “The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine” by Spoon.

Follow @BenBlacker, @HeathCorson, @sonnova, and @LenWein on Twitter!

Inked Wednesday 104 – Comic Book Tattoos by Steve Rieck

If you’re in the neighborhood of Las Vegas, Nevada and itching to add some bold and dynamic comic book art to your skin, take a break from the casinos and see Steve Rieck. The tattooist is a nerd and has inked all sorts of takes on your favorite characters from Marvel and DC comics. His art features likeness inspired by both the page and by actors in live-action films. The colors are so bright it’s like the characters were transferred from comic book to skin. This Deadpool ink is just one example:

If you browse through Steve’s portfolio, you’ll spot other comic book characters in a hot second. My eyes were immediately drawn to these Wolverine and Harley Quinn pieces.

A photo posted by Steve Rieck (@steverieckratc) on Sep 20, 2016 at 9:54am PDT

A photo posted by Steve Rieck (@steverieckratc) on Sep 15, 2016 at 7:00pm PDT

See a few more examples of Steve’s work in the gallery just below. You’ll see a rather epic comic book sleeve (the word epic truly applies), Green Lantern, and The Joker immortalized in ink. You can keep up with all his tattoos by following him on Instagram and/or Facebook. Get in touch with him at the Collective Tattoo Parlor in Las Vegas if you’d like to work with him on some permanent body art.

If you have geeky ink or you’re a tattooist that’s applied a lot of pop culture-inspired ink, then please hit me up because I’d like to showcase you in a future Inked Wednesday gallery. Just get in touch with me via email at alratcliffe@yahoo.com. Send photos of your tattoos or your work, and let me know the name of your tattoo artist if you have it as well as which shop he or she works in.

Images: Steve Rieck

DC & IDW Team-Up For Orlando Victims’ Benefit Special LOVE IS LOVE

Hello comics fans, and welcome to your mid-week volume of Comics Relief! To start things off today, we have some incredibly cool news about a new benefit book for the Orlando Pulse victims on the way from two of comics’ biggest publishers. Read on for all the details.

DC And IDW Team Up for Love Is Love Benefit Comic for Orlando Pulse Victims

 

The folks at DC Comics and IDW Publishing have announced they are working together on a new anthology one-shot titled Love Is Love, with proceeds to benefit Equality Florida’s fund for the victims and family members of the Orlando nightclub shooting on June 12, 2016. This one shot project, brought to us by by writer Marc Andreyko, will feature Batwoman, one of DC Comics’ most famous openly LGBT superheroes—and a character he has written in the past—on the cover.

Said Andreyko: “I’m a child of the 80s; I grew up with We Are the World and Live Aid. Events like this shouldn’t be compartmentalized. They should hurt and we should want to change for the better.” Marc Andreyko has brought in over 100 big name writers and artists from both within the comic book industry and also from the overall entertainment business, including Phil Jimenez, Olivier Coipel, Damon Lindelof, and Patton Oswalt. The one-shot is scheduled to be released in December via IDW Publishing, and will retail for $9.99. [The New York Times]

Former She-Hulk is Now Just Hulk in Brand New Series

The Hulk is dead. Long Live the Hulk?? While Bruce Banner was recently killed off (for now) in the pages of Marvel’s Civil War II event (with an arrow in the head from Hawkeye), that doesn’t mean Marvel is going to be without a Hulk…and I’m not just talking about Amadeus Cho as the Totally Awesome Hulk either. Nope, as a result of his death, Banner’s cousin Jennifer Walters is pretty angry—even by her standards. And she’s taking up the mantle of the Hulk, with no more “She” in front of her name.

Marvel also announced that writer Mariko Tamaki and artist Nico Leon will be the creative team on Hulk, which will explore Jennifer’s life after Civil War II. As one can see from artist Jeff Dekal’s cover for Hulk #1, Jennifer is not only looking more angry that usual—can you blame her?—but she’s also gray. For more on this, read our full story on the subject. [Nerdist]

Marvel Announces New “Classified” Star Wars Series

More Star Wars comics are on the way from Marvel, as the publisher has just announced a new ongoing series called Star Wars: Classified. With Kieron Gillen‘s well-received Darth Vader comic book coming to an end soon after twenty-five issues, it is assumed that this new book (also being brought to us by Gillen, along with artist Kev Walker), will feature characters who were prominent in Vader’s title, like Doctor Aphra and her evil droids, BT-1 and 0-0-0.

With a name like Star Wars: Classified though (if that is indeed its name, and not a placeholder title), could we see stories that are set in different time periods across the Star Wars timeline? With so much of the era between the end of Return of the Jedi and the beginning of The Force Awakens, that seems like an ideal period of time to tell stories. For more on this new book, be sure to click on our full story here: [Nerdist]

Simon Bisley Returns to Lobo

Back in the ’90s, DC Comics’ Lobo was one of their hottest characters, even rivaling Wolverine at Marvel for a hot minute. Most of this was due to the art of British illustrator Simon Bisley, who brought a wild sensibility to the biker inspired alien. Now, it looks like Bisely is getting set to draw “the Main Man” one more time.

Jimmy Palmiotti told the crowd at Long Beach Comic Con this past weekend that Lobo will be teaming up with one Harley Quinn for the upcoming sixth issue of Harley Quinn’s Little Black Book, which will be written by Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti, with Bisley on art and a variant cover. You can see Amanda Conner’s version of the cover above. [Bleeding Cool]

Texas Whataburger Chain Has a Beef with Wonder Woman’s Newest Logo

And in your most bizarre comics-related story of the day, Texas-based hamburger chain Whataburger have revealed that they are in a “friendly trademark discussion” with DC Comics over the resemblance between the recent Wonder Woman film logo, and the fast food chain’s long-standing “flying W” logo.

In a statement, Whataburger said that “contrary to some suggestions, Whataburger is not at war with Wonder Woman over her newly redesigned logo. In fact, Whataburger supports superheroes like Wonder Woman and her friends in the Justice League. Truth be told, Whataburger’s own superhero – Whataguy – would love to team up with Wonder Woman and her friends sometime to battle evil together.” Whataburger’s “W” logo originated in 1972, and in the current “Double W” Wonder Woman logo first appeared in DC Comics in 1982, replacing the eagle emblem. The new movie logo in fact looks less like the Whataburger logo than the comics one, which is why this whole story is so very odd. [Newsarama]

Kate Bishop Hawkeye Gets Her Own Ongoing Series

It’s been announced that the female Hawkeye, Kate Bishop, is getting her own solo ongoing series over at Marvel at long last. The Young Avenger’s new book will be written by Kelly Thompson (A-Force, Jem and the Holograms) and will feature art by Leonardo Romero and Jordie Bellaire.

The book will center on Kate away from the big Civil War II drama between Captain Marvel and Iron Man, and also away from the Clint Barton Hawkeye too. Apparently, Kate is coming to L.A. not really as a traditional superhero, but instead she finds herself on a case with personal stakes, and then enteres the world of being a P.I. Hawkeye #1 hits comic book store shelves this December. [io9]

Archie’s #1 Rival Reggie Mantle To Receive His Own Series

Archie antagonist Reggie Mantle is getting his own series, as Reggie & Me is joining Archie, Jughead, and Josie & The Pussycats as part of Archie’s “New Riverdale” line-up of comics. The book’s writer is longtime Marvel scribe Tom DeFalco, with art by Sandy Jarrell. In a press release provided by Archie, DeFalco said “Reggie Mantle has been called a self-aggrandizing egotist, a sinister super-villain, a merciless monster and worse, but his dog loves him. Sandy and I intend to show all the doubters and haters exactly why Reggie should be named the true master of this universe… or else!” You can see all of issue #1’s variant covers (so far)  in our gallery below. [Comics Alliance]

What do you think of this week’s comics news? Let us know in the comments below!

Images: DC Comics / IDW Publishing / Marvel Comics / Archie Comics / Whataburger

See THE LEGEND OF ZELDA as a Studio Ghibli-Inspired Fan Film

If there’s one good thing about the infamous live-action Super Mario Bros. movie, it’s that its unpopularity probably spared us an equally atrocious mid ’90s Hollywood take on The Legend of Zelda. However, Nintendo’s subsequent avoidance of feature film adaptations meant that the Zelda franchise has never gotten its due on the big screen. But perhaps it was never meant for live-action at all.

Via Kotaku, an artist named Matt Vince has posted a video on YouTube that re-envisions The Legend of Zelda as an animated film in the style of Studio Ghibli – one of the most beloved Anime studios in Japan. Since this is a fan creation, it isn’t as polished as a real Studio Ghibli film, nor does it feature many of Zelda‘s colorful cast members. Zelda herself isn’t seen at all, and we only catch a glimpse of Link riding a horse in the distance.

However, the short does have some breathtakingly beautiful shots of Hyrule’s countryside that make us wish that this project could become a reality. In retrospect, Zelda and Studio Ghibli seems like a great match for the material. It’s never going to happen now, but we can enjoy a pleasant daydream about what could have been.

If this looks familiar to you, it may be because we covered Vince’s work last year when he released a series of Ghibli-inspired Legend of Zelda posters.  The Zelda trailer is the first video that has been posted on Vince’s YouTube channel, and we’ll definitely be on the look out for more from him in the future!

What did you think of this Studio Ghibli inspired Zelda video? Raise the Master Sword and share your thoughts below!

Image: Matt Vince

Experience the Insanity of Jumping into a Swimming Pool from a High Balcony

There should be a word for when you simultaneously think something is totally awesome but condemn everything about it. This first-person video of someone leaping into a swimming pool from a very high balcony is the kind of thing we’ve all thought about doing at one point or another, but also something that seems way, way, way too dangerous to actually attempt.

We came across this nutso video at Gizmodo, and it was posted by the YouTube channel ig: 8Booth. Even before getting in place for the jump the video is imbued with a sense of danger, as the man leaps some fences and runs through the surrounding complex as though he is running away from the KGB.

In fact, this whole thing feels like a training video for the next time you find yourself being tailed by a crime syndicate that has tracked you to the hotel where you’ve been hiding out, and the only way to get away is up to the roof, where you’re forced to jump.

As for the actual jump itself, it’s hard to tell exactly how high he is when he makes the leap, because it feels like a million feet, but if you watch the video closely it appears that he jumps from the fourth floor. As the height of the average story is 10 feet, we could estimate this as a 40-foot jump.

This really is kind of horrifying. I mean, we obviously didn’t share a video of someone splitting his head open, but he still comes way too close to the edge for our liking. So like I said, we need a word for really enjoying a thing we don’t condone whatsoever.

Until we have it though we’ll just have to use an old standby phrase to describe this entire video: f***ing nuts.

Would you do this? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done? Dive in to the comments below.

Images: ig: 8Booth

SCREAM QUEENS Recap: Scream Again

This post contains spoilers for Scream Queens. Read at your own risk if you haven’t watched yet. 

After a successful first season, the Chanels, Zayday, a batch of new faces (John Stamos, Kirstie Alley, and Taylor Lautner), and another masked killer(s?) are here for another season of Scream Queens. The season premiere, “Scream Again,” takes place several years after the season one finale. Everyone is in a completely different place, though is still delightfully awful. Along with a few job changes, the show is now set in a hospital. Now that med school is officially in session, it’s time to roll up our sleeves and scrub in.

Much like the premiere of the first season, this week’s episode kicked off with a tragic death. This time around, the murder took place at a hospital Halloween party circa 1985. After a pregnant woman (what is it with this show and pregnant women?) asked one of the doctors to perform an emergency operation, the surgeon decided to quickly do away with him and get back to enjoying the party. His plan? He and an accomplice threw the unconscious patient into the nearby swamp. To cover his tracks and keep his identity a secret, the physician tossed his costume (a mask and cloak) into the toxic depths; and thus, the Green Meanie was born.

Following the deadly introduction, the show picked back up in 2016 with Dr. Brock Holt (Stamos) and Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Lautner)—who, believe it or not, are actual doctors—treating a werewolf girl at Doctor Dean Munsch’s (Jamie Lee Curtis) recently opened C.U.R.E. Hospital. In the wake of her fame, Munsch apparently decided to become a doctor to use her power to reform the health care system. As straight-laced as that sounds, she acted pretty sketchy throughout the episode. She’s definitely got a lot more on her agenda than saving people. She’s also been chatting up the new no-nonsense nurse (portrayed by Kirstie Alley), later telling her to keep pushing the Chanels because she has plans for them.

Part of Munsch’s plan involved hiring Zayday (Keke Palmer), who has been working her way through medical school. The Dean promised to help her former pupil pay for medical school as long as she came and worked for her. But of course, three doctors isn’t enough to run the facility, so the leading lady also brought Chanel (Emma Roberts), Chanel No. 3 (Billie Lourd), and Chanel No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) into the fold. Following their arrest and subsequent exoneration (thanks to a Netflix documentary series and Hester’s boastful confession), the girls became pariahs.

Like Zayday, the trio also dived into the medical field. However, instead of devoted medical students, Chanel got her phlebotomist license, No. 3 worked at a sperm donor clinic, and No. 5 worked the front desk at the dentist’s office. Because of their work in the field, Munsch seized the opportunity, hired them and put them through medical school. As Chanel aptly put it towards the end of the episode, “With the power of the internet, anyone can be an MD.”

The girls’ new life took a turn for the worse when they were quickly put on academic probation for delivering insensitive comments about the previously mentioned werewolf patient. During their time off, Chanel and the other two girls devised a plan to help find her cure before Zayday could. With the help of Dr. McDreamy…erm, I mean Holt, Chanel was able to beat Zayday to the punch and solve the patient’s excess hair issue.

The treatment, however, ended up working a bit too well, and the young lady ended up completely bald. But not to worry, as the Chanels entered phase two of the procedure: makeover! Like Hester’s transformation last year, the trio took the troubled girl to the next level with some good old-fashioned makeup, a stylish wig, and a set of false lashes. At this rate, the girls are well on their way to achieving their goal of being the next TV doctors (like Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, or the Doctors).

The fun came to an end when Chanel No. 5 was left to watch over the patient during the graveyard shift. To relax her, and keep her skin from peeling, No. 5 treated the patient (and herself) to hydrotherapy. But because the devices locked after the pair got in, they weren’t able to defend themselves or run away when the Green Devil showed up to annihilate them to the tune of The Ronettes’ “Be My Baby.” After lopping off the former were-woman’s head, the killer turned to Chanel No. 5 and raised his weapon before the credits rolled.

Discovering the identity of the monster behind the mask is sure to be the main focus this season. Is it the child of the pregnant lady? Is it one of the girls? Will No. 5 show up next week? Leave your theories below, join the conversation on Facebook, or start one with me on Twitter: @Samantha_Sofka.

Images: Fox

MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. Recap: “The Ghost”

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! Proceed with caution, agents. If you haven’t yet watched this week’s season 4 premiere, “The Ghost”, we highly suggest you do so before proceeding. Okay? We good? Then let’s go.

They’re back! Those wild, wacky, fun-loving, and…oh, hell—let’s just admit—often quite dour and brooding Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. have returned from their summer break. And how did they spend it? Well, they’ve had better vacations. Coulson and Mack are still partnered, after the former Director was demoted to field agent and sent after Quake, now a renegade battling evil on her on terms in a desperate bid for redemption after the deaths of Lincoln and Andrew. Unfortunately, the new Director thinks Coulson’s personal feelings towards his former protégée get in the way of his job, and released him from his assignment. So his days have largely been spent losing money to Mack in backgammon.

Meanwhile, May is training a new team of rookie agents and taking orders from, of all people, Simmons, who’s decided that the best way to beat the new Director, whom she admits to distrusting, is to join him. But her new gig, which includes assigning “colors” of security clearance to her former teammates, earns her May’s ire and distances her from Fitz. All the while, her soulmate reluctantly allies himself with Dr. Radcliffe on a secret artificial intelligence project that, in the time-honored Marvel tradition, will most likely either save S.H.I.E.L.D. or destroy it.

Ah, but you didn’t come here to read about the show’s returning characters, did you? No sir, you came here to read about the secret weapon intended to boost Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.‘s ratings even as the show moves to the dreaded 10 PM timeslot.  To its credit, S.H.I.E.L.D. wastes no time in taking advantage of the move, packing more sex and violence into the teaser of season four’s premiere episode than it did in all of season three. It sees a half-naked Daisy suiting up for battle in lighting shamelessly reminiscent of a Victoria’s Secret commercial, while the Spirit of Vengeance himself tears after and slaughters his prey in a fiery Dodge Charger (replacing the character’s trademark motorcycle).

Gabriel Luna makes a strong first impression as Robbie Reyes, the latest incarnation of the fan-favorite antihero. Aside from a tussle with Quake, we realize his tragic nature when he admits he isn’t the one deciding who he kills. His vulnerable side is also revealed, through his devotion to his crippled brother, played by Fear the Walking Dead‘s Lorenzo James Henrie. (Who’s already a hundred times more likable in this role than he is in AMC’s zombie series.) Just in case Ghost Rider isn’t enough for fans, however, S.H.I.E.L.D. has stacked its season four deck by bringing back Natalia Cordova-Buckley’s Yo-Yo, who, unbeknownst to the new Director, is aiding her former teammate Quake. Also new is Galavant‘s Mallory Jansen as Radcliffe’s fetching Ex Machina-like science experiment AIDA.

But can any of the new characters win our hearts like those we lost last season? I’m not talking about the deceased, but rather Bobbi and Hunter, both of whom departed when Adrianne Palicki and Nick Blood were awarded their own spinoff show… only to have it unceremoniously yanked away from them. As much as I’m looking forward to meeting Jason O’Mara’s new Director and whoever Parminder Nagra is playing, and of course to seeing more of Ghost Rider—even if his supernatural horror still seems like an unnatural fit for a spy show (however ostensibly S.H.I.E.L.D. handles its espionage)—I’m hoping against hope that there’s still some way we can get those perpetually squabbling lovebirds back off that bus. Yet with this season already emphasizing the danger of attachments, S.H.I.E.L.D. is probably the last place that any husband and wife should be.

Declassified Deliberations

— Kudos to Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen for writing a season premiere that really does serve as a perfect jumping-on point for new viewers. My wife hadn’t watched the show in two years, and had zero problems understanding the story.

— “Do you want a beer?” “It’s six o’clock in the morning. What are you, Hemingway?” Coulson is having a lot more fun playing operative than he did Director.

— Mack too looks more relaxed. Though hopefully his exploding pen won’t replace his shotgun axe.

— Any takers on how long it will be before Simmons catches Fitz and AIDA snogging each other?

— Speaking of AIDA… Is it just me or does Fitz and Radcliffe’s intention to show her to their new Director once she’s “perfect” strike anyone else like a particularly dark regional theater production of My Fair Lady?

— “You want tech like this, you should have cut off your own hand.”

— While I appreciate the need to see Gabriel Luna’s face, I’m hoping the rest of this season doesn’t skimp on the flaming skull. (It’s also the only thing I ask of my bartender.)

— Fitz finally gets a code name: Turbo!

What did you think of this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter (@JMaCabre).

Featured Image: Marvel/Disney/ABC

Images: Marvel, Disney, ABC

Hound Tall #25: Scientology

This month they discuss that most Hollywood of religious groups; Scientology! Recorded across the street from the Sci-ti celebrity center! They are brave. With expert, investigative journalist Mark Ebner and comics Howard Kremer, Colton Dunn and Emily Heller.

Follow @moshekasher on Twitter!

Image: Wikipedia

These views do not directly reflect the views Nerdist Industries and Legendary Entertainment