Chris Hardwick's Blog, page 2183

Ridiculous STAR WARS Song Reveals “THE LAST JEDI” Is about Cannibalism

For about a week now, we’ve known that the next film in the Star Wars franchise is going to be called Star Wars: The Last Jedi (there’s a lot more we know about the movie, too). It’s a promising title that’s lead to a lot of speculation and, at least for one indie rock singer, disappointment (via Vulture).

In response to the title announcement, John Darnielle (frontman of The Mountain Goats) tweeted, “my five-year campaign to sell Rian on the title ‘The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi And Eats Their Bones’ has come up short.” This was enough to excite the imagination of The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson, who responded to Darnielle, “WRITE THIS SONG.” Darnielle has proven he’s an adept storyteller—most recently on The Mountain Goats’ 2015 release Beat The Champ, a delightful concept album about wrestling—so he quickly got to work (that very afternoon, in fact).

All was silent on the cannibal Star Wars song front until earlier today, when Johnson tweeted, “So @mountain_goats and I were joking around, one thing led to another, he recorded this song and now it’s canon.”

There have surely been very many Star Wars fan songs, but very few about cannibalism, and very few that have officially (and jokingly) been declared canon to the franchise. Now, we suddenly find ourselves a lot less excited about The Last Jedi as a movie title, and more upset we won’t get a film based on lyrics like these: “At the end of all your days, one Jedi waits for you / With the dust of Jedi bones piled high like parsnips on his plate / With the dust of Jedi bones piled up like parsnips on his plate / Specifically just their bones, all their soft parts you can keep / It’s the bones that have the calcium, so he says.”

Whatever, I guess we’re still looking forward to The Last Jedi.

Featured image: Lucasfilm

Peter Capaldi Announces He’s Leaving DOCTOR WHO

Let’s face it: as soon as an actor is announced as the next Doctor on Doctor Who, the question quickly becomes when they’re going to leave. That’s certainly been the case for current lead, Peter Capaldi. Already the final series for longtime lead writer and executive producer Steven Moffat, it’s long been speculated that Capaldi would leave the series following the upcoming tenth. And during a radio appearance on BBC Radio 2, Capaldi dropped the bomb that, yes, he will indeed leave the show after Series 10 bows, slated to premiere on April 15th.

BREAKING NEWS!
“It (the new series of Doctor Who) will be my last… I feel it’s time to move on.”
– Peter Capaldi
#DoctorWho pic.twitter.com/4gx9rTShPZ

— Doctor Who Official (@bbcdoctorwho) January 30, 2017

A later tweet from Doctor Who Magazine—which confirmed the release date for Series 10—announced the 2017 Christmas special as Capaldi’s regeneration episode.

Peter Capaldi's final episode will be this year's Christmas Special. But there's a whole series to enjoy before that!

— Doctor Who Magazine (@DWMtweets) January 30, 2017

Capaldi said in full:

“One of the greatest privileges of being Doctor Who is to see the world at its best. From our brilliant crew and creative team working for the best broadcaster on the planet, to the viewers and fans whose endless creativity, generosity and inclusiveness points to a brighter future ahead. I can’t thank everyone enough. It’s been cosmic.”

So what does this mean? Three series worth of adventures isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s far from usual. In fact, three series has essentially become the unofficial standard amount of time to play the Doctor: William Hartnell did three and some change, followed by Patrick Troughton who also did three. Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker were in it much longer—five and seven series, respectively—but Fifth Doctor Peter Davison did three at the specific advice of Troughton. Colin Baker was only contracted for three years (even though he only did two seasons) and Sylvester McCoy did three years, culminating in the show getting canceled.

While Christopher Eccleston only did the one full series, David Tennant and Matt Smith each did three plus a few specials. Although—and this goes especially for Smith’s time—the amount of episodes actually produced in the New Who era was far less than the amount of time the actors were under contract. From the announcement of his casting in early 2009 until his departure at Christmas 2013, he spent close to five years as the official Doctor, though BBC’s weird schedule-shifting meant that huge swaths of time without any production occurred.

This has been true for Capaldi as well: he was announced in mid-2013 and he’ll vacate the role at the end of 2017 with only a total of 40 episodes, the least of the new series’ multi-year Doctors. It often feels like he just began, especially when we’ve, essentially, missed out on a full year with the Doctor (2016 had only a Christmas special). It seemed plausible for Capaldi to be the one to break the 3-series mold, given his massive, lifelong fandom for the show—and truly how much he clearly adores being the Doctor—but comments last year about how he thinks the BBC is mishandling the show seemed to illustrate how dissatisfied he was on a larger level.

And, it’s also possible—though I’m entirely speculating here—that he heard what the BBC and new showrunner Chris Chibnall had in mind for Series 11 and ultimately decided not to return. A similar thing happened with Tennant, who met with Moffat about possibly staying on. However, it might also be emblematic of the direction of the show changing dramatically, and in a direction Capaldi wasn’t into. There was also a rumor that the BBC wanted an entirely new cast for series 11, asking Capaldi and not-even-premiered-yet companion Pearl Mackie to vacate. I tore that rumor down, but it might not be entirely false given today’s announcement.

Regardless of who the companion is, we now know we’ll have a new Doctor. Let the speculation circus commence as to who will be the Thirteenth Doctor—my pie-in-the-sky hopes are for either Eva Green or David Oyelowo—but I’m sure we’ll get an announcement sometime after Series 10 airs.

Share your thoughts about all this mishugas in the comments below!

Images: BBC

Kyle Anderson is the Associate Editor and the resident Whovian for Nerdist. Follow him on Twitter!

6 Startling SPLIT Connections You May Have Missed

In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan‘s earliest films, Split has turned out to be both a hit stand-alone movie and a prelude to something even bigger story in the Shyamalan-verse. What’s next for Horde and that suspiciously familiar face at the end of Split? Light up the spoiler warnings, because today’s Nerdist News is all about the startling connections between Split and a beloved movie from Shyamalan’s past.

Seriously though, we are totally going to ruin the ending for Split in this video. It’s a really good one too, so if you plan to see the movie then we highly suggest that you accept this final spoiler warning.

Join host and nigh-invulnerable heroine, Jessica Chobot as she spells out the parallels between Split and Unbreakable, the low-key superhero origin film that Shyamalan made in 2000. Bruce Willis’ surprise reappearance as David Dunn may have caught audiences off-guard, but the hints were there all along. For starters, Split‘s leading man, Kevin Crumb has an alliterative name, much like David, and most of the Marvel superheroes from the ’60s. And much like David’s first nemesis, Mr. Glass, Kevin finds his strength from being mentally broken. Call us crazy, but wouldn’t a Mr. Glass and Horde team up be a great way to put the screws to David in Unbreakable 2? Given the strength of Split‘s box office, that’s looking a lot more likely to happen.

Are you excited to see more stories set in Shyamalan’s superhero universe? Let’s discuss in the comment section below!

MAD MEN’s Jon Hamm Will Reprise Don Draper on SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

When you are an ambitious small business owner with a restaurant under the sea, and you want to grow your business to new heights, you turn to people with a proven track record, professionals that managed to make Burger Chef sound as special as a home cooked meal. That’s right, you call in the big boys, you call in the Mad Men.

You call in Don Grouper.

Yes, Don Grouper (!!!), a charming advertising executive, will be coming to Bikini Bottom on an all-new episode of Nickelodeon‘s SpongeBob Squarepants this President’s Day weekend, and he will be voiced by–who else–Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm. The real life Don Draper will play Don Grouper (we’re just going to say that pun-tastic name as many times as we can), who shows up with a “big plan for the Krabby Patty,” one “that may prove irresistible” to Mr. Krabs. But it may also cause problems between Patrick and SpongeBob after Mr. Krabs starts producing his signature item on an industrial scale.

Even in animated form, Don Draper causes trouble wherever he goes. But my god that smile just makes it so hard to hate him….

And if you had any doubts that you needed a Mad Men parody from SpongeBob, the video up above featuring a recreation of the Mad Men opening credits should put that to rest.

Maybe this means one the day the Spongebob finale will end with him writing the McDonald’s jingle “I’m Loving It.”

The episode, titled “Goodbye, Krabby Patty,” airs Monday night, February 20 at 7:00 p.m. EST, and it will cap off Nick’s “President’s Day Weekend Krabby Patty Party,” which starts Saturday the 18th. It’ll consist of a Spongebob Squarepants marathon, with other original content and videos, both on air and online.

However, Nick will be celebrating all month long, as the Krusty Krab Facebook page will be run like a real restaurant in February, filled with all sorts of fan goodies. That’s “all leading up to the release of a brand new product featured in the episode,” the brand new Frozen Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob would definitely not support selling frozen Krabby Patties. He’s a purist.)

On top of all of that, starting February 13, the new game SpongeBob SquarePants Cartoon Creator, will be available on Nick.com and with the Nickelodeon App, and it will allow fans of the show to “create interactive cartoon strips starring their very own SpongeBob-style avatars.”

Hmm, a huge roll out for a new product, with tons of interactive ways to engage fans and build excitement, all capped off with a brand new episode guest starring one of the best actors in the world, who will be playing a parody of his most famous, iconic character?

It’s almost like Don Draper himself came up with this promotional plan.

No, not Don Draper. Don Grouper.

We already hope to get a Don Grouper spinoff where he takes Sandy Cheeks under his wing and teachers her the business.

What other famous television character would you like to see show up on SpongeBob Squarepants? Dive down into the waters of our comments section below to sell us on your winning pitch.

Images: Nickelodeon

DOCTOR WHO’s ‘Power of the Daleks’ DVD is a Complete Picture

Back in November, I gave an enthusiastic account of my viewing experience in the cinemas watching the six-part Doctor Who story “The Power of the Daleks,” lost to time since its airing 50 years ago but painstakingly re-mounted using original off-air audio and newly commissioned animation using telesnaps (a term for photographs taken of the television during broadcast, for archival purposes). It’s a complicated story (detailed in that enthusiastic account I mentioned earlier) but the long and short of it is all six episodes were lost or wiped and we had nothing. Now, we have a DVD with three different ways to watch it. What a world!

The story was and is one of the most important in the history of the show. Written by original script editor David Whitaker—with additional writing by his replacement Dennis Spooner—it had to prove that a new Doctor not only could work, but that it would work with Patrick Troughton in the role. One reason for that success is that they didn’t attempt to make Troughton’s Second Doctor immediately avuncular or even all that friendly at first. It was a mystery whether or not he even was the Doctor, and companions Ben and Polly had to be cautious, even though they’d literally just seen the change happen.

It also gave us a Dalek story that proved the Daleks could be sneaky and duplicitous and use cunning to get what they want, not merely blow down doors and destroy everything. That will happen eventually, but for awhile they pretend to be the “ser-vants” of a fraught mining colony and only the Doctor—posing as a visiting official—knows the truth of what they are…until it’s too late. People try to use and exploit the Daleks at their own peril.

At any rate, I can talk about the greatness of “The Power of the Daleks” in story terms and as a piece of television history all day, but for the purposes here, the most amazing thing about a DVD release is that we get to have it at all and viewable in three different formats. Many fans were holding out hope that at least a couple of the episodes would one day be discovered, but the BBC commissioning a fully-animated reconstruction all but ensures that the real episodes probably are indeed lost to time. However, with the animation, we now have a chance to see this and watch it any time we want, and with special features that put it right in line with the other discs in the range.

First and foremost, I’m gonna get some of the criticisms I have out of the way: for fans who have collected the DVD range for years, and who—like I do—have an entire shelf devoted to all of them, it will be a bit annoying that the style is pretty drastically different. Similar color scheme, but the font is different and it doesn’t have a picture of Troughton on the corner or “The Patrick Troughton Years 1966-1969” on the front, the way literally every single other release has done. Even “The Underwater Menace” which came out a few years ago andhad two full episodes and two telesnap reconstruction in pretty crappy versions, fit the visual aesthetic. A lesser nit to pick, but the DVD menu, while looking pretty much the same, also doesn’t adhere to the way literally every other one does.

Like I said, those are only really going to irk fans who’ve spent time, energy, and money building their collection. As far as what the set actually gives you, you’re in the same great hands. There are a whopping three different ways to watch “The Power of the Daleks”; the first is the colorized version which was made at the behest of BBC America for its weekly airing. The animation looks great, so it only annoys my sensibilities a little bit that they even felt the need to color it in the first place. There is, though, the full story again in the black & white animation style that more closely mirrors what was broadcast. It’s gorgeous; I love it. And finally, you get the full telesnap reconstruction, so you can own the only version people have been able to see for decades. Giving fans the fullest picture of “The Power of the Daleks” story is really a great move.

As far as extras go, the main one here is commentary on every animated episode. All are moderated by comedian, author, and supreme Doctor Who authority Toby Hadoke, who has been the DVD commentary moderator for quite some time and does a phenomenal job. As the animation for the story was finished so late in the game, none of the commentators had gotten to see it prior, so their reactions to the now-visible story are genuine. Hadoke joined for episodes 1 and 6 by Anneke Wills (who played Polly), Derek Dodd (the story’s designer), and Michael Briant (the story’s assistant floor manager who went on to direct stuff in the ’70s). They have quite fond and surprisingly well-remembered things to say about the show. On episode 2, that trio is joined by actor Nicholas Hawtrey (who played guest character Quinn). Episode 3 features Hadoke in France watching with actor Edward Kelsey, who played Resno, and who appeared in a total of three Doctor Who stories. This feels more like a podcast interview, but that’s a-okay with me.

Episodes 4 and 5 are where things for me got more fun and interesting. The former had Hadoke talking with people involved in some modern Dalek stuff: new series Dalek voice Nicholas Briggs, series 1 and 2 Dalek operator David Hankinson, and the writer of the series one episode “Dalek,” Robert Shearman. All are huge fans of both the show and of Daleks in general and listening to the four of them nerd out at getting to see “Power” is lovely, since all of them except Briggs weren’t alive when it originally aired. And for the fifth episode, Hadoke is joined by three of the key members of the animation team, explaining what they did and how they replicated what was known of the initial TV broadcast. It’s evidently 50/50 when it comes to what they re-created and what had to be embellished or improved.

Along with the commentaries, we get a 22-minute making-of–that seems like the made it several years ago, perhaps when they expected the real episodes to be found—which has interviews with people involved as well as from scholars talking about the story’s importance. And to finish it off, we get quite a lot of photo and image galleries, which are interesting enough for a second or two as comparison.

Part of me was worried—because the people who used to be involved in the production of classic Doctor Who DVDs aren’t doing it anymore, and the fact that pretty much there hadn’t been need of a classic series DVD release in several years—that this would feel demonstrably different and relatively bare bones. But it isn’t at all! Get over the different packaging and what you get fits exactly inline with what we’ve had up to now: a release that seems to really care about the fan who buys this kind of thing. There’s something for everybody.

Doctor Who: The Power of the Daleks hits DVD retailers Tuesday, January 31

Images: BBC America

Kyle Anderson is the Associate Editor and the resident Whovian for Nerdist. Follow him on Twitter!

The Decidedly Different Role of an Editor in Animated Films

Take a second to think back to the last time you drew something and how long it took to get it “right”. Unless you’re a professional artist specializing in speedy performance, there’s a good chance it took a while. Now think about that last time and the effort you put into your drawing and consider what it must take to make a feature-length animated movie. Thousands of work hours are poured into animated films and a lot of the most important roles are rarely, if ever, noticed by the general public. Thankfully, a recent video by Andrew Saladino’s The Royal Ocean Film Society set out to highlight one very important role in particular: the editor.

What may come as a surprise to a lot of people is what an editor’s job is in animation. In the most basic sense of the role for traditional live action film-making, they take over after principal photography is completed and get to work cutting scenes together with the director’s vision in mind. Animation, however, lacks principal photography, so you might wonder where the editor comes in. The video explains that editors have a much more in-depth and hands-on approach when it comes to animation and are often brought in way before pencil even touches paper (or, you know, the CGI equivalent). The idea being that an editor will have better insight as to how scenes will work together and transition. So having them around in the idea phase is vital to the success of the film. Their involvement from the beginning allows them to offer feedback, suggest certain action in the drawings, or even order entire pieces of footage if needed.

This video is rather eye-opening to the collaborative work that goes into animation and we’ll likely watch the a film’s credits with a stronger sense of appreciation from now on.

What are your thoughts on the work that goes into animation? Let’s doodle up some discussion in the comments below!

Image: Disney

Now, see if you can guess how the editing worked in these anime:

Finn Jones Talks IRON FIST Inspiration and the RZA’s Involvement

In 2012, the RZA took his love of martial arts films to the next level by starring in and directing The Man with the Iron Fists, as well as its sequel three years later. Therefore, it’s fitting that the rap star has continued to build his martial arts cred by directing an episode of Marvel’s Iron Fist series on Netflix.

Iron Fist star Finn Jones revealed RZA’s involvement with the series while taking questions on Facebook from Extra. “So before I started the role, I actually made a playlist on my Ipod of songs that Danny Rand would listen to,” explained Jones. “It’s a lot of kind of ’90s hip hop, like De La Soul, Jurassic 5, Tribe Called Quest, Wu Tang Clan. Like that kind of music is what Danny’s really jamming to. And we feature that in the series. And actually one of our episodes was directed by the RZA himself. Episode 6. So yeah there’s a very close tie with hip hop and the Iron Fist series.”

Jones noted that the RZA’s episode will be called “Immortal Emerges from Cave,” which suggests that it may depict some of the key moments from Iron Fist’s origin. Without spoiling too much for fans who are new to the character, Danny Rand’s battle in the cave directly led to his ability to channel the power of the Iron Fist (and there might be a dragon involved). Jones also said that that RZA was “really super chill” on the set, and added that he “has a really good vision of what he wants. And he really understands that genre, the martial arts genre.”

Additionally, Jones cited The Immortal Iron Fist series by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and David Aja, as one of his favorite Iron Fist comics and part of his inspiration for playing Danny Rand on the show. So far, most of what we know about the live-action series appears to be based on Iron Fist’s early appearances in the ’70s. The Immortal Iron Fist was a comic that greatly expanded the mythology behind the character by introducing previous wielders of the Iron Fist and the “Tournament of the Seven Capital Cities of Heaven” storyline, which was simply amazing. The first season of Iron Fist may not get to that otherworldly martial arts tournament, but it would be perfect for a second season storyline. We’d even love to see RZA’s take on that!

Iron Fist‘s first season will debut on Netflix on Friday, March 17.

Are you excited to see RZA’s take on Iron Fist? Unleash your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image: Netflix/Marvel TV

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Remember the Theme From PBS’ ARTHUR? Stephen Colbert and Friends Sure Do!

There was something that seemed off about last week, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Something was missing from my usual routine and it was a few days before it clicked and I realized that The Late Show with Stephen Colbert was on break and I wasn’t getting my daily fix. This lack of Colbert-itude in my life was quite the bummer until Friday when Stephen, Jon Batiste, and some musical friends made everything all right–in one of the best ways possible–with a video on the show’s YouTube channel.

Perhaps knowing that his audience (and maybe the whole world) was in need of positive pick-me-up, Stephen and Batiste shared their love of the PBS show Arthur and did so in spectacular fashion. Subtly mocking the trope of dream sequences in TV shows, the pair talked about their mutual love of the show before Stephen nodded off to find himself in an animated world with some special musical guests: Chance the Rapper and the legendary Ziggy Marley. Colbert plays the part of Arthur, while Batiste and his melodica join in with Marley on “Believe In Yourself (Arthur Theme Song)” which he wrote and performed for the PBS show.

Chance the Rapper (who I’ve obsessed over before) literally pops up later in the video to chime in with the uplifting lyrics he added to the song when he covered it. “I’m gonna get by when the going get rough/I’m gonna love life ’til I’m done growing up/And when I go down/I’ma go down swinging/My eyes still smiling/And my heart still singing.” Actually, you know what, we need Chance’s version in our lives too.

Watching such a positive song performed by the original artist and an artist who breathed new life into it would be reason enough to love this video. However, what makes it even better is seeing the sincerity on Colbert and Batiste’s faces and realizing how much they enjoy the song too.

What do you think of the song? Like me, are you wondering how awesome it must be to work at the Late Show? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

Image: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Kate Micucci and Aubrey Plaza Are Dirty Nuns in THE LITTLE HOURS (Sundance Review)

There’s a lot going on in this 14th century Italian convent: fornication, drunkenness, witchcraft, foul language. Plus, the damned donkey keeps escaping. In the grand tradition of recognizing the faulty humanity under religious cloaks, writer/director Jeff Baena has crafted a farcical film where modern-day words are placed like transformational wafers on the tongues of Medieval nuns.

Based on Giovanni Boccaccio’s “The Decameron” (specifically the first story of the third day, wherein Masetto da Lamporecchio pretends to be mute so he can work as a gardener and have sex with nuns in a convent), The Little Hours takes place largely in a cloister where no one wants to be. Alessandra (Alison Brie) is only biding time until her dad can find her a husband, Genevra (Kate Micucci) just wants to gossip and narc on everyone, and Fernanda (Aubrey Plaza) is Aubrey Plaza. Rounding out the congregation are John C. Reilly and Molly Shannon as the convent-leading Father Tommasso and Mother Superior.

Life there is dull, and the old adage about idle hands comes into play, especially since the young women holed up in the concrete walls aren’t so much dedicated to the church as they are out of other options. The core of the comedy comes initially from how aggressive and un-nunlike these nuns are–playing off our expectations while letting Micucci and Plaza be as vulgar as they can be.

The action starts rolling when Massetto (Dave Franco) has to flee Lord Bruno’s (Nick Offerman) estate when he’s found lying biblically with the master’s wife (Lauren Weedman). He pretends to be a deaf/mute and begins gardening at the convent where almost every nun eagerly takes off her half-a-dozen robes for him. From there, it’s a downhill spiral into sacramental wine-chugging buffoonery.

Baena essentially wrote a script for 2017 but filmed it in 1333. Like a cousin to Drunk History, the costumes and castles do the heavy lifting to put us in the era.

Beyond the setting, the set-up, and the mores, you get exactly the modern delivery you’d expect from all the actors, except for Micucci, who goes wonderfully crazy, culminating in fireball intensity during a tepidly-shot climax that doesn’t do her performance justice. Brie is sweet and neurotic, Plaza burns whole villages to the ground with her stare, and Franco is lovably goofy. Even Jemima Kirke cameos as a 14th-century version of her character from Girls.

The film is purposefully low key, allowing for the outbursts of sex, violence and bad habits to leap off the screen. It’s a shock to the system that eventually wears off, but still delights, as the loose plot sends everyone careening into deeper depravity. It isn’t quite Pythonesque chaos, though. More like a Medieval Noises Off! with fewer opportunities for misunderstanding. The pastoral placement and tone (shot through occasionally with f-bombs) is a necessary strength, but ultimately leaves The Little Hours slight.

Still, it’s funny and inventive. At 80 minutes long, it knows its limitations, and you could easily see more like this in a series that spans our flat view on morality in all sorts of ages. Vulgar puritans landing on Plymouth Rock, douchebag crusaders, bitching Greek philosophers. There’s a whole franchise here for Baena and any comedians who want a weekend getaway to an exotic locale.

3.5 out of 5 blasphemous burritos

Images: Bow and Arrow Entertainment

NICOLAS CAGE Just Read Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’ Aloud and It’s Awesome

Every year, in honor of Nicolas Cage‘s birthday (which was technically two weeks ago, but things happen), the Austin Alamo Drafthouse has held a five(ish)-movie marathon dubbed “Caged,” never revealing the films in advance. The second year, they pledged that they would keep holding the event annually until the man himself actually showed up. At the fourth, it initially seemed like he might be involved…but only as curator of the movies to be shown.

And then this happened (skip to the six-minute mark if you want to get directly to the Nic of time):

If you need further persuasion, trust us that you never see Cage quite like this onscreen. Rattling off and enunciating every word with love for the language, it’s a nigh-Shakespearean performance, and yes, we’re saying that about the star of The Wicker Man (remake). Rather than alternating between bemused murmuring and loud, enunciated yelling (as he is wont to do) this performance takes its time and slowly builds until yes, by the end, he’s screaming himself hoarse. But don’t cheat and skip directly to that part: the power of it comes from everything that led him there. He’s so good at reading Edgar Allan Poe that one has to wonder if his Con Air character Cameron was somehow related.

Now that he has shown up, does that mean Drafthouse won’t keep doing these? We’d certainly hope not. In the end, all the world’s a “Caged,” and all the men and women total players. Shakespeare himself said that. (And then we misremembered it.)

Now, Kenneth Branagh, please find an excuse to direct this man in your next take on the Bard. Avon is calling!

What should Cage read dramatically next time? Suggest your best for the Bad Lieutenant below!

Image: Drafthouse/Facebook Live