Chris Hardwick's Blog, page 2107

Hydraulic Press Crushes a Furby, Likely Releasing Evil Spirit

There has always been something unsettling about Furbies, like they come to life in the middle of the night. It’s as though they are going to get up off the shelf, merely to watch us sleep–until the time is right. The idea of those dead, vacant eyes staring at us while we slumber in the safety of our bed haunts us.

So you’d think that seeing one of them crushed, like our favorite YouTube account the Hydraulic Press Channel did, would bring us great joy, but alas, the very qualities that make a Furby so unnerving as a toy also makes it an empathetic victim.

We first came across the latest video from Finland’s greatest export at Laughing Squid, and unlike most objects that go under the awesome power of the hydraulic press, the blinking and muted mutterings of the Furby make it impossible not to anthropomorphize it, giving this video the feel of a plastic snuff film. Watch as he begs for mercy in his final moments, while he looks out for a reprieve he knows will never come.

Kidding! This is great! Kill it! Kill this Furby before it can rise up with its brethren and slay us while we sleep!

Too harsh? Have you ever seen a Furby? Maybe you think we are exaggerating, but forget their outward appearance, ever since we showed you what they look like when you cut one in half the images have haunted us. There’s something off about these “toys,” and the safest thing we can do is put them under a hydraulic press, and assure our own safety.

It’s the only way.

As for the rest of the video, crushing LEGOs? Uh, don’t they know how much those things cost! We’d sooner live with a hundred Furbies than ruin a single LEGO.

Because as creepy as a Furby is, it’s not as scary as being fiscally irresponsible.

What other creepy toys would you love to see under the hydraulic press? Crush our comments section with your best suggestions.

Images: Hydraulic Press Channel

The Todd Glass Show #293: Paul F. Tompkins

This week Todd is joined by one of our all-time favorite guests…PAUL F TOMPKINS!

Like The Todd Glass Show on Facebook, follow @ToddGlass, Eric Ohlsen and Lyricist Joe on Twitter, buy his album Thin Pig and buy his book The Todd Glass Situation!

Groot Gets a Dazzling Portrait in Newest Fan Art Friday

When I have spare time, I catch up on television or reading. When Tony Hodgkinson has spare time, he creates striking canvas paintings inspired by characters from pop culture. All uses of spare time are valid, obviously, but Tony does have more to show for his efforts. His art, done with acrylic paint, is mostly tackled after his kids have gone to bed. He infuses his work with the kind of lighting that makes the images look like they’re glowing from within. You can see what I mean in this Guardians of the Galaxy Groot art:

And Kylo Ren’s lightsaber in this Star Wars painting definitely stands out. You can tell his lightsaber is fiery and sort of spits.

Make a beeline to the gallery below to see more of Tony’s lovely work. You’ll find another piece inspired by The Force Awakens, some BioShock, Interstellar, and even an illustration from The World’s End. For Tony’s complete portfolio, stop by his website or go keep up with him on Instagram.

Do you create any sort of fan art? If so, I want to see it. Whether you focus on a specific fandom or pull inspiration from multiple stories and mediums, I’d like to highlight what you do. If you’re interested in being featured in a future edition of Fan Art Friday, get in touch with me at alratcliffe@yahoo.com with examples of your work. If you’re not an artist, feel free to email me with recommendations for Fan Art Friday!

Images: Tony Hodgkinson

How do the Infinity Stones play into Thor: Ragnarok?

Every Detail We Noticed in STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI’s New Trailer

Today, Lucasfilm finally unleashed the first trailer for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and it did not disappoint. The crowd at Star Wars Celebration Orlando was certainly happy about it, and we’ve been pouring over it for hours. As is the case with most things Star Wars, here’s a lot to unpack here and many of the rumors we’ve heard are apparently true—if the footage is any indication. Today’s Nerdist News is taking the deep dive into The Last Jedi‘s open secrets.

Naturally, there are some spoilers ahead, even if you have seen the trailer. We’re adding some context to the footage, so keep that in mind if you don’t want to know anything before you see the final film!

Join host and Expanded Universe escapee, Jessica Chobot, as she breaks down everything we saw in the trailer…and we mean everything! We’re leaving no stone unturned, and admiring the shots lined up by director Rian Johnson. Some of this footage even reminds us of Johnson’s previous movie, Looper.

It wasn’t hard to do, but Luke Skywalker has more lines in this trailer than he did in the entirety of The Force Awakens. And while he’s finally acting as a mentor to Rey, some of Luke’s dialogue seemed pretty ominous. Is it really time for the Jedi to end? And who or what will take their place in the galaxy? Is Rey destined to be the last of the Jedi, or the first one to replace them?

What did you think about the first trailer for The Last Jedi? Use the Force and share your thoughts below!

STAR WARS Samurai Figure Line Adds Darth Maul and Jango Fett

We might be just a little bit in love with Bandai‘s Tamashii Nations Samurai Star Wars series. Made with meticulous attention to detail, innovative articulation, and an aesthetic based in both actual traditional samurai styles and a galaxy far, far away, they’re like a full-circle tribute to the fact that George Lucas was creatively inspired by Akira Kurosawa.

Clearly we are not the only ones. The line is doing well enough that more are coming, and Star Wars Celebration has revealed them, with help from an Instagrammer named darth_shank. Like every other figure in the line so far, they are villains. But one might be more than human…

Look what got revealed today at #starwarscelebration #tamashiinations @bluefinbrands

A post shared by Dale Schenck (@darth_shank) on Apr 13, 2017 at 2:47pm PDT

Yep, Darth Maul looks like he may be an honest-to-badness demon in this line, which follows a certain logic as he’s the first non-human as well. Maul’s original design always evoked a kind of Asian demon mask, and this figure takes that aesthetic to its logical conclusion.

Portrait of the Darth Maul Samurai at #starwarscelebration #tamashiinations @bluefinbrands

A post shared by Dale Schenck (@darth_shank) on Apr 14, 2017 at 7:12am PDT

If one prequel villain isn’t enough, they also have Jango Fett, who can reunite with his grown-up kid-clone on your samurai shelf.

And Jango @bluefinbrands #tamashiinations #starwarscelebration

A post shared by Dale Schenck (@darth_shank) on Apr 13, 2017 at 2:49pm PDT

And speaking of said kid, an all-white “prototype style version of their original samurai-style Boba Fett will be a Comic-Con exclusive this year. Since these figures run around $90–that may sound like a lot, but when you see the elaborate resealable packaging and how much stuff they come with, you get it–you still have time to save.

Who do you want to see “turning Japanese” next? Our money’s on Kylo Ren since they seem to be sticking with full body-garbed characters for the most part, but with Maul now included, anyone’s fair game. A samurai Emperor would be interesting. Tell us who you’d like to see in comments!

Featured image: Lucasfilm/Disney

THE HANDMAID’S TALE: a Book-to-TV Primer

Spoilers for The Handmaid’s Tale book (and the show adaptation) follow!

Fans of Canadian author Margaret Atwood were already eagerly anticipating Hulu‘s new Handmaid’s Tale series before this year began, but with the way current events have been going lately, it feels a more relevant and necessary story than ever. As is always the case when a popular book gets turned into a TV show, those of us who haven’t caught up on their reading are probably feeling pretty lost right now but still want to know what’s what.

Fear not, spoiler lovers: we’re help you get you up to speed with our own brief cliff notes-style explanation of why this book has persisted in popularity for almost three decades, and what fans want from the show when it finally arrives. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What’s this book about?

In the distant future, America as we know it has been overthrown by a Christian terrorist group and replaced with a rigidly oppressive society. Pollution and sexually transmitted diseases are causing sterility among the ruling class, so they create an involuntary caste of fertile women to procreate for them, as loosely inspired by a passage in the bible where Rachel asks her maid to give her husband children. The book follows Offred as she navigates her new “life” as one of these handmaids, recalling what it was like before the Republic of Gilead took over.

Margaret Atwood wrote the book in 1984 while living in West Berlin (which was still trapped within the Berlin Wall), and said that she did not necessarily set out to create a feminist dystopia, but a dictatorship that felt realistic to America’s religious roots. “The deep foundation of the US—so went my thinking—was not the comparatively recent 18th-century Enlightenment structures of the republic, with their talk of equality and their separation of church and state,” she recounted in a 2012 essay for The Guardian, “but the heavy-handed theocracy of 17th-century Puritan New England, with its marked bias against women, which would need only the opportunity of a period of social chaos to reassert itself.”

Okay, but what’s this book really about?

Obviously, it’s difficult to discuss the themes of this book without viewing it through a feminist lens—after all, its primary focus is on what it’s like for a woman to lose her personhood as a direct result of what her ability to rear children. But beneath that, there’s also an interesting and nuanced exploration about the entire spectrum of feminist discourse. In Gilead, Offred is free from much of the problems that still beset modern woman, such as catcalling, stranger rape, sexual objectification, and workplace harassment—but she’s also denied the ability to make choices for herself.

Another important element of the book is the the way that the power that religious political structures exhibit is often based on hypocrisy, brutality, and fear. Gilead is meant to be a bastion of purity and order modeled after a very specific Christian doctrine, and the punishment for disobedience is incredibly severe. However, those within the elite (particularly men, but the women do as well) often have no trouble bending the rules in ways that put lower classes below them in danger—and of course, if they’re caught, they’re not the ones who’ll face any consequences.

Major Players

Offred. Our protagonist, played in the miniseries by Mad Men‘s Elizabeth Moss. Offred is not her real name, and at the risk of spoiling the reveal for you (seriously, I doubled over when I figured this out as I was reading it for the first time), it’s a reference to the name of the commander of the household she lives with. As a handmaid, she exists solely to incubate a child for her commander and his wife to raise as their own.

Moira. Offred’s college friend from before the Republic of Gilead came to power. She is exactly the type of woman who trolls on the Internet would hate right now: a loud, unabashedly feminist lesbian who doesn’t put up with crap from anybody. Like Offred, she was captured and trained to become a handmaid, but that didn’t work out so well for her. In the Hulu series, she’s played by Samira Wiley of Orange Is The New Black fame.

The Commander. The head of the household and some kind of bigwig in the Republic political sphere. He might also be impotent, but no one is allowed to talk about that, because in Gilead it’s women who are at fault when a couple cannot produce children. He’s nice enough to Offred, and played by Joseph “Shakespeare In Love” Fiennes, so he’s certainly easy on the eyes, but he’s also The Worst. Also, as you no doubt figured out by now, his name is probably Fred.

Serena Joy, also known as the Commander’s Wife. In the Before Times, Serena Joy was one of those televangelists who talked about how women belong at home. Surprise, now that she’s not allowed on TV anymore, she kinda hates that idea! She also resents Offred a lot, for obvious “I’m forcing you to have sex with my husband and I refuse to blame anyone but you for it” reasons. She’s being played by Chuck alum Yvonne Strahovski.

Ofglen. Another handmaid in Offred’s community (guess what her commander’s name is), and a member of the Mayday, the underground resistance movement. She’s being played by Alexis Bledel — Rory freakin’ Gilmore of all people!

Nick: The Commander’s chauffeur, who could be a resistance member or a narc. He’s played by Max Minghella, whom you might remember from The Social Network.

Luke. Offred’s former husband. He and Offred had a daughter together, but because he was divorced once already before they got together, their marriage was nullified during the regime change. They were caught trying to flee to Canada together and we don’t really know what’s happened to him, or to their child, after that. He’s played by O-T Fagbenle, a.k.a. Frank from HBO’s Looking.

What’s going to change in this adaptation?

The Handmaid’s Tale takes place deep inside Offred’s mind, and because she doesn’t quite trust her own memories or even her own sense of self, she can often be a very unreliable narrator. This means that show’s going to feel inherently different than the book, because we’ll be seeing something closer to the truth of what Offred is experiencing. Odds are the violence and dehumanization depicted in the book will also feel a lot more shocking to witness in real time than it was to read. By the time we meet Offred, she’s mostly numb to the horrors she’s faced — instead, she spends most of the narrative mulling over the psychological trauma of not being a person anymore in the way she was before.

It will also be interesting to see if the show pays any lip service to themes racial inequality, which are present in the book but are from the center focus. The Republic of Gilead of the book is definitely a white nationalist society, if not an outright supremacist one — at one point Offred says that many of the “Children of Ham” and “Sons Of Jacob” were deported after the regime change, which is a reference to black people and Jewish people, respectively. Two of the Hulu series’ major characters, Moira and Luke, are played by black actors, meaning that the show will either ignore the racism inherent in Gilead culture, or express it in more interesting ways. In any case, there’s also wording that suggests the domestic workers in the Commander’s home are “brown” skinned, so the fact that the show has cast both characters as hispanic women leads me to believe that they’re interested in tackling these issues.

Finally, I’ll be shocked if they recreate the final chapter, “Historical Notes on The Handmaid’s Tale.“ Unlike the rest of the book, it’s set at least a century into the future, and depicts a professor (interestingly, a male one) giving an academic lecture about Offred’s account and its worthiness as a primary source document of Gileadean history. Margaret Atwood herself was a professor for many years, which is probably where she got the idea for this, but odds are it’s a little too dry and anticlimactic an ending for a television series.

Which brings us to what will probably be the biggest change: if Hulu is planning to produce multiple seasons of this series, then they will absolutely find a way to continue the plot beyond the book’s ambiguous ending, where Offred doesn’t know if she’s being rescued by the resistance or sent to her doom. Perhaps next season will see her becoming a full-fledged Mayday member?

What are fans most excited to see?

It’s difficult to express an interest in The Handmaid’s Tale as excitement, given its tense and intimate subject matter; I don’t know if I’d say I’m “hyped” to see certain moments from the book brought to life, as much I’m looking forward to seeing whether the scenes that affected me so powerfully while reading will have the same (or stronger!) impact on screen.

One of the trickiest moments the show will have to pull off early on is that of the monthly mating ritual, during which the Commander and Offred have utilitarian sex on top of the Commander’s Wife with most of their clothes still on. It’s one of the most powerful scenes in the book thanks to Atwood’s deft use of dissociative language, so it will be interesting to see how the show translates Offred’s strong sense of detachment to a visual medium.

And then, of course, there’s the brothel. No society that claims to be purer than everybody else actually is, so naturally there’s an underground sex ring where the Gilead leaders go to objectify women more directly. The Commander takes Offred there because he thinks she’ll find it to be a fun night out. It’s not—but it will certainly be a fascinating visual, as the women who work there are all depicted as wearing tawdry, dilapidated costumes from the heydey of ’80s Time Square.

Ultimately, I’m most curious to see if this adaptation will be able to strike a balance between the violence of Offred’s circumstances and the lush setting in which they take place. Quiet domesticity as a backdrop for unsettling horror isn’t anything new—just look at movies like Stepford Wives or The Witch—but Margaret Atwood’s tale is full of so many small, painfully pastoral particulars, like how Offred moisturizes herself with butter in secret because her skin is no longer considered as important as her womb. If the show can capture both the beauty and the terror of Gileadean life at once, that alone will make a success; the rest is all just extra.

Hopefully this guide has gotten you up to speed and ready for what the Hulu series has in store for us! In the comments below, share with us your experience reading The Handmaid’s Tale and what your hopes are for the show!

Images: Hulu; Houghton Mifflin Company

STAR WARS ADVENTURES Comic Series Announced at Celebration

Although Marvel Comics has been kicking all kinds of intergalactic butt lately with their relaunch of the Star Wars line, another prominent comics publisher is joining the iconic heroes and villains in that galaxy far, far away. Publisher IDW Comics is joining the Lucasfilm family this year with an all-new comic book series called Star Wars Adventures, this time aimed at younger readers.

The new comic is set to debut in the fall of 2017, just a few months shy of the release of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The series will span the decades in which the saga takes place, featuring characters from the prequel films, the Clone Wars animated series, the original trilogy, and the new films starring Rey, Finn and Poe. You can check out artist Eric Jones’ exclusive piece of promo art for the new series down below:

The art style from Eric Jones should seem familiar to fans of the original Clone Wars micro-series that aired many years ago on Cartoon Network, from animator Genndy Tartakovsky. Obi-Wan is even wearing his Clone-Trooper armor from those episodes in the promo image. Those cartoons were amazing, so if this comic is at all reminiscent of that show, Star Wars fans are going to be in for a treat.

Of course, this won’t be IDW’s first time playing in the Star Wars playground, as they previously published reprint Star Wars content like Micro Collectors Fun Packs and the award-winning Artist’s Editions. And coming soon, there will be a series of new collections of classic Star Wars newspaper strips, which will be available beginning in May.

Storyline details and creative teams for Star Wars: Adventures will be made public in a future announcement. Remember, Comic-Con and D23 are just around the corner. There is much more Star Wars goodness yet to come!

Are you excited about this expansion of the Star Wars comics universe? Let us know down below in the comments.

Images: Lucasfilm / IDW Comics

MST3K Has Changed a Bit, But Hasn’t Lost a Step (Review)

When the idea of officially restarting Mystery Science Theater 3000 first popped up, I thought “What? Now? It’s been like 15 years!” I loved the show to bits, and had spent a great deal of time watching my tapes and later DVDs of my favorite episodes following the 1999 cancellation of the show after its tenth season. Content was I to let those years and movies and riffs be it, because we had Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax and that was good. Then Joel Hodgson announced he’d be Kickstarting; I donated gladly. He said the new show would star Jonah Ray, and then Hampton Yount and Baron Vaughn, and then Felicia Day and Patton Oswalt, and then oh my god, it was happening! And now we’re here…14 new episodes have dropped. And it’s really and truly back.

Several questions were buzzing through my mind before I watched the first episode: would it look the same, would it sound the same, and—most importantly—would it feel the same? There’s no argument that the show resolutely does not look the same—it looks better. It’s got that HD sheen, sure, but the props, sets, and even the movies being riffed look a ton better than they did when it was being made in Wisconsin for local TV, then Comedy Central, then Syfy. The new effects look AMAZING, and the stop-motion countdown sequence is a thing of beauty.

The new show also doesn’t sound the same, not exactly. That makes sense, though—it’s got a whole new cast! Much how we had to get used to Mike instead of Joel, to Bill Corbett when he took over for Trace Beaulieu as Crow, or how older fans (I was way too young) had to get used to Kevin Murphy after J. Elvis Weinstein stopped being Tom Servo, we have a show now made up of entirely new principles. Jonah Ray as Jonah Heston is the sort of kindhearted everyman the show needs, and is perhaps the best actor to play the castaway on the Satellite of Love. Vaughn deftly captures Tom Servo’s rampant coolness and certainly makes the role his own. If you’re familiar with Vaughn’s stand-up, you know the new Tom.

As their captors, Day’s Kinga Forrester retains the manic energy of her ancestors, but with a self-assured showmanship that feels perfect for an age of fame-hungry YouTube stars. Oswalt’s aptly (and hilariously) named TV’s Son of TV’s Frank is somehow even more moronic a sidekick than Frank Conniff’s original was. The new version of the theme music is performed by Kinga’s costumed house band, and her desire to exploit the concept and fan love of MST3K for her own personal gain makes the whole of Moon 13 (their base) seem like a roadside attraction in outer space. It’s not Dr. F deep underground or Pearl in a remote castle; Kinga wants everybody to know what she’s up to so she can blow up the brand.

All of this is, of course, window dressing and context; what would make or break a new version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the last part—the feeling. Tons of people and shows have done the movie-riffing thing that Hodgson and crew popularized in the late-’80s and ’90s, so what would stop this from just feeling like an imitator instead of the genuine article. It’s ineffable, really, but when you put the silhouettes in front of a screen watching an old movie, and have them spit out a truly gargantuan quantity of jokes (seriously, I don’t think any pause or longueur went without some kind of joke; the sheer volume is staggering), then friends that’s Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Comedy is different now, but making fun of movies will always remain. The references are updated, the sets are snazzier, but the heart and soul of MST3K certainly remains intact. Go enjoy the over 22 hours of new Satellite of Love antics now sitting on Netflix and get transported to Next Sunday AD all over again.

Image: Netflix/Satellite of Love, LLC

Kyle Anderson is the Associate Editor for Nerdist and a lifelong MSTie. You can find his film and TV reviews here. Follow him on Twitter!

BATMAN Reanimated – ‘Mean Seasons’ is Social Commentary with Dinosaurs

Both Batman: The Animated Series and The New Batman Adventures set themselves up to be able to tell whatever kind of story they wanted, as long as it fell within the parameters of a criminal, monster, or other such threat to Gotham City being investigated and ultimately foiled by Batman and friends. Rise, repeat. Within that framework, the episodes could be funny, scary, intense, emotional, and in the case of “Mean Seasons,” they could even hide a message about how age is perceived in the world, and specifically in the entertainment industry. I was 13 when this one aired, so I feel like a lot of it went over my head when I first saw it.

At the heart of the episode–written by Hilary J. Bader from a story by Rich Fogel and directed by Hiroyuki Aoyama–is the way youth and beauty are exploited, especially in women. Changing a relatively dopey lesser villain, Calendar Man, into a vengeful and embittered person wronged by the industry was a genius touch. The Timmverse shows did a great job of making all the villains seem grounded and realistic. In particular, joke baddies like Mr. Freeze and the Clock King got whole new leases on life thanks to these animated series. While Calendar Girl (annoyingly regressive, but it’s coined by blowhard Detective Harvey Bullock) never made a return, she certainly packs a wallop here.

A woman in a skintight catsuit and a blank white mask is attacking fashion shows, automotive shows, and other such events where spokesmodels are present, and is kidnapping the heads of the events, leaving behind calendar pages with a specific date circled on each one. Batgirl figures out the dates and companies share one thing in common: a former top model named Page Monroe, once the most beautiful woman in the field, who was forced to retire when she got “too old,” even though, as Batgirl is quick to remind, she was the same age as Bruce. It seems Monroe, who was forced to have countless surgeries to keep her youthful good looks, and ultimately couldn’t, resents the industry for pushing her that far and wants to make her former employers pay.

The themes of aging not being a bad thing, and youth being overvalued, are constant in the episode. And this was very deliberate; actress Sela Ward voiced Calendar Girl and, at the time, she was conducting a protest campaign against Hollywood’s ageism and its harmful effects on public perception. Monroe is even said to have been marginalized simply because she turned 30, and Ward taking this role seems directly in line with her cause. The ending even reveals the shocking truth of so many in show business; when Calendar Girl is arrested, Bullock removes the mask. She shrieks in panic and fear that people are seeing her hideous face. Except she’s not hideous at all; she’s still beautiful. But, as Batman explains to a stunned Batgirl, it no longer matters to the poor woman. All she can see now are the flaws.

The subplot in the episode involves a Wayne Enterprises employee having a forced-retirement party because the guy turned 65. Bruce is initially stunned that the man is of retirement age. “He always seemed so much younger.” And on top of that, the man doesn’t want to retire, but it’s the company policy. Bruce, of course, lifts that policy by the end and lets the man work until he wants to stop. It’s yet another way for the writers to really hammer home the story’s main themes. Even though this episode’s villain is angry and deranged because of being prematurely labelled “elderly,” the episode makes it clear that it is her criminal activity that’s bad, but how she was treated was possibly worse.

“Mean Seasons” also has the added benefit of being directed by a longtime anime animator. Hiroyuki Aoyama was a key animator on everything from Akira to The Wind Rises, as well as the animation director on The Girl Who Leapt Through Time and Summer Wars. The dude’s resume is stacked. This is the only episode of a Batman cartoon he directed, but he directed some episodes of Superman and was the key animator on the gorgeous “Feat of Clay” episode of Batman: The Animated Series. He adds a fluidity to the action and he makes the proceedings incredibly intense, especially in a sequence where Calendar Girl uses Godzilla-sized robotic dinosaurs to attack Batman and Batgirl.

One more thing before we go, which has nothing really to do with the episode. I had this dumb Neil Sedaka song in my head the whole time I was watching because the villain was named Calendar Girl. The song is the cheesiest thing to ever cheese, and then I found the video from 1960 and it’s even worse. What is that little dance he does?

Anyway, “Mean Seasons” is a great episode. The next episode aired is one not many people seem to enjoy. It introduces Jason Blood and Etrigan the Demon to the Timmverse, and even throws in Klarion the Witch Boy for good measure. “The Demon Within” is next week! In the meantime, tell me what you thought of “Mean Seasons” in the comments below!

Images: WB Animation

Kyle Anderson is the Associate Editor for Nerdist. He’s written the animation retrospectives Batman: Reanimated, X-Men: Reanimated, Cowboy Rebop, and Samurai reJacked. Follow him on Twitter!

The most WTF-worthy Batman villains of all time:

GAME OF THRONES Re-Throned: “The Wars to Come” (S5, E1)

Winter is coming, but not soon enough. So to help pass the time until season seven of Game of Thrones, we’re doing a weekly re-watch of the series, episode-by-episode, with the knowledge of what’s to come and—therefore—more information about the unrevealed rich history of events that took place long before the story began. Be warned, though: that means this series is full of spoilers for every season, even beyond the episode itself. So if you haven’t watched all of the show yet immediately get on that and then come back and join us for Game of Thrones Re-Throned.

Because the next best thing to watching new episodes is re-watching old ones.

——

Season 5, Episode 1: “The Wars to Come”

Original Air Date: April 12th, 2015

Director: Michael Slovis

Written by: David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

Game of Thrones has completely avoided the use of flashbacks, despite the complex and often confusing history of Westeros, except for one single time: the opening scene of season five. That’s what we call a big deal. (Bran’s visions aren’t true flashbacks since he is an active part of them, blurring the timeline, like with poor Hodor.) But while this re-watch isn’t worried about the past, only in where the story is going, the nature of this flashback is uniquely tailored to our needs, because it deals with the prophesy of a major character, meaning it might just as easily be a flash forward.

The scene shows us a young Cersei–roughly 15-17 years old, placing this decades before the action of the show–as she drags her reluctant friend to visit a witch who can reportedly see the future. Maggy the Frog tries to tell the nasty young lady she doesn’t want to really hear what lies ahead, but when Cersei, ever the charmer, threatens to have her eyes gouged out, Maggy relents with smug satisfaction. Cersei is allowed to ask three questions.

“I’ve been promised to the prince. When will we marry?”

Cersei was asking about Prince Rhaegar, since Tywin offered her as a wife for the Mad King’s son, but the marriage offer was ultimately rejected. Maggy’s reply was misleading (as prophecies always are in Westeros), but completely accurate.

“You’ll never wed the prince. You’ll wed the king.”

Robert killed Rhaegar at the Battle of the Trident, and then went on to be named king. Cersei then married King Robert Baratheon. Maggy’s answer made it sound like Cersei would simply marry Prince Rhaegar after he ascended to the Iron Throne (which obviously never happened), but Maggy wasn’t wrong with what she said would happen, just vague.

Cersei very much wanted to marry Rhaegar, he was beautiful and beloved, but just being queen was so important to her she used her second question to ask for clarification from Maggy. We’re going to skip that for a moment though and look at her third question, because it has already borne out to be true as well. With her final query Cersei wanted to know about any kids she might have.

“Will the king and I have children?”

“No. The king will have 20 children, and you will have three.”

“That doesn’t make sense.

“Gold will be their crowns. Gold their shrouds.”

On its own the first part doesn’t make sense, yet Maggy was completely right again, as Robert had many bastards, but no actual children with Cersei. Her three kids were all fathered by Jaime, and all three had golden heads of hair (crowns), and all three have died (shrouds).

Old blood-sucking Maggy–she literally sucks blood from Cersei’s finger to read her future–was eerily and sadly accurate about the future of this young lady. Which brings us back to the second question, whose answer has yet to be totally proven true or not.

“But I will be queen?”

Maggy’s answer goes well beyond just a yes or no.

“Oh yes, you’ll be queen. For a time. In comes another. Younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear.”

Adult Cersei knows that Maggy was right about her marriage and her lack of children with Robert, so the other predictions have driven her fears about her children dying (at this time only Joffrey had died, but she’ll lose Tommen and Myrcella soon too). That’s why she has been so distrustful of the younger, more beautiful Margaery. She assumed that was the other queen that would come for her and take all that she holds dear, and possibly the person who would lead to Tommen getting his shroud.

Oops. Because just like with Rhaegar and Robert, the way a prophecy is (often wrongly) interpreted is the reason it comes true, just like with Oedipus, who in trying to escape his future accidentally created it.

All of Cersei’s children are dead, like Maggy said, but Margaery is now dead too, and Cersei still reigns as queen. To Cersei this would be the first time she defeated her future, making her feel in control for the first time since she entered the hut of that witch all those years ago.

But Margaery’s death doesn’t make Maggy wrong, it makes Cersei wrong in who she should have feared, because another younger, more beautiful queen is currently sailing towards Westeros with her three dragons, and she is primed to cast Cersei down, ending her very brief reign on the Iron Throne and taking all that she holds dear.

It seems so obvious Maggy was the real deal, and thus this is where the story is heading, but even then there is one last question to answer: with her children dead, what does Cersei still hold dear that she can even lose?

Her power and her desire for vengeance are two obvious answers, and those are things she’d clearly lose if/when Daenerys overthrows her. But despite major changes in their relationship, Cersei still holds Jaime dear. Nothing would make the final aspect of this prophecy feel as painful, in the worst way, than Cersei having to see Jaime fall at the hands of that younger queen she has always feared.

Of course, there is another way for Daenerys to take Jaime from Cersei: he acts on her behalf, even in an indirect way. If Jaime sees that his sister is the true threat, and that she will blow up King’s Landing rather than lose it to Daenerys, the way the Mad King planned to do before Jaime killed him, he might step up and be the hero the city needs.

The one true flashback the show has ever used explained a lot about Cersei as a person, about her mistrust of everyone and everything, about why she was so protective of her children, but it might just as easily be a flash forward, showing us how Cersei will finally meet her end. We don’t know the exact details, but that’s because prophecies are tricky.

Especially when they keep coming true.

What do you think of Maggy the Frog’s predictions for Cersei? What does it mean for the show going forward? Tell us in the comments below.

Images: HBO