Bryan Caron's Blog, page 34

Movie Mayhem – The Best and Worst Movies of 2014

With another year having come and gone, and awards season in full swing, it’s that time again to ruffle some feathers with my list of the best and worst movies of the year. I had the pleasure (and in some cases the displeasure) of seeing 135 movies this year, 42% of which I graded either an “A” or “A-“, which is slightly lower than last year, when 44% of the films I saw garnered that grade, but still on par with my average.

But, there can only be ten that get the honor of being great, and five that gain the dishonor of pure gutter trash. Whether you think my picks are exactly like yours, or you believe I’m completely insane, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this list as well as your own if you have one. So without further gilding the Lilly, and with no more adieu…

BEST FILMS OF 2013

10. Birdman

After rising to stardom in the eighties and early nineties, Michael Keaton’s career took a tumble with some box office duds. It wasn’t that he disappeared completely like some actors do when they lose their box office mojo, but his presence wasn’t felt as strongly as when he was at the top of his game. This year, though, Keaton has finally made his case for a major comeback, taking on supporting roles in two high-caliber action flicks (Need For Speed and the Robocop reboot) and choosing to send up his own career in Birdman, a creatively maddening film about an aging actor looking for relevance in a fickle world that only sees him as one thing – a washed-up actor who can’t do anything but play a one-note superhero. Everyone in the film, including lively, sometimes disdainful turns by Edward Norton, Emma Stone and Naomi Watts, has some issue boiling under the surface of their cracking facade, but Keaton is the only one that explores those demons during what is seamlessly edited as a fluid stage play in one long streaming shot that adds depth to Keaton’s growing delusions and need for acceptance.

9. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

2011’s prequel/reboot(?) of the Planet of the Apes franchise opened the door for the exploration of how the apes in the original film (and we’re not talking about Tim Burton’s failed attempt to reboot the franchise) became what they are, and it hasn’t disappointed. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a rousing follow-up that heightens the action and the emotion of the original. With James Franco exiting the project and Caeser now living with and leading his family of evolving brethren, humans are no longer the main focus of the film; they are simply a hindrance for the progression of the apes’s evolution. Jason Clarke and Keri Russell lead a team to restore power to their city sanctuary (governed by an anti-ape activist played by Gary Oldman) by getting a nearby dam working again. But to do so, Caeser must oppose a faction of human-fearing apes to grant his permission. With motion capture technology at its zenith, Andy Serkis delivers a powerful performance as Caeser, and leads a team of other motion capture performers in creating an ape community that has more characterization than their human counterparts, and at times display a much richer array of emotions as well. And you can’t ever go wrong with seeing an ape riding horseback with a couple of machine guns!

8. Guardians of the Galaxy

A rag-tag group of alien misfits team up to save a planet from destruction in the first of two Marvel properties (and a double dose of Chris Pratt) good enough to crack the top ten. Though the characters from the Guardians of the Galaxy series weren’t the most well-known characters in Marvel’s universe, they certainly are now, thanks to the highest domestic box office of the year and a film that enjoys itself to the point of poking as much fun at itself and other science-fiction tropes as it possibly can in the span of two hours. Chris Pratt does unlikely hero well — sprinkling his smug persona with wit and charm — and leads a wonderfully poignant, funny and delightful cast into one well-oiled machine. Director James Gunn also does a terrific job juggling all of the elements needed to make this film work, which not only include building a brand new world and managing five distinct personalities, but keeping the heart and soul of the film intact throughout.

7. Draft Day

The NFL draft doesn’t seem like the most exciting idea for a movie, but Kevin Costner and Ivan Reitman found a way to make the behind-the-scenes chess game in Draft Day intriguing, exciting and rousing fun. The entirety of the movie takes place over the course of 12 intense hours as Costner’s Sonny Weaver Jr. tries to save his job by picking just the right player as his first round draft pick. In his way are the team’s owner (Frank Langella) and arrogant coach, played beautifully by the king of snark, Denis Leary. But when all is said and done, it ultimately comes down to the last act, where all of the decisions are made with the artistry of a magician putting the final pieces in place. And for a film about sports that has hardly any sports, Reitman creates a compelling story about staying true to ones self and in the end, always going with your gut when it comes to making the ultimate decisions, regardless of what the consequences might be if you’re wrong.

6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Guardians of the Galaxy might have been the funner of Marvel’s releases this year, but Captain America: The Winter Soldier was the clear game-changer in terms of the Marvel universe. Not only does it have plenty of political intrigue to balance out the action and lighter tones of the film (you know, like the flirtatious banter between Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff), but it also forced a major overhaul of a television show and included just enough references (some of them a little too on the nose) to tie several pieces of the earlier films together, setting up the future of The Avengers series. Directors Anthony and Joe Russo heighten Rogers’s fish-out-of-water mentality by not only dropping him in a world that doesn’t carry the same ideals as he is used to, but make that world more modern in the way that it’s filmed, acted and choreographed, leading to dilemma’s that just may effect him and the future of the entire Marvel brand.

5. Divergent

Many of you may be wondering how this adaptation of yet another young adult novel cracked the top five on my list. Well, in my humble opinion, Divergent delivers on every level, from the discussion of class warfare to the inner turmoil of having to place the family you choose over the family you love. I’ve never been a big fan of Shailene Woodley, but as Tris, she carries the weight of the film like a pro. In balancing and accepting the five characteristics the society has embraced (bravery, compassion, intelligence, honesty and selflessness), Tris is more authentic than Katniss and more developed than Bella. The film develops its world quite nicely, spends quality time on building relationships, and doesn’t skimp on its action set pieces, all helping to set up the continuing adventures of the series.

4. Interstellar

I feel a lot of critics and movie lovers left Interstellar off their lists mainly because of the third act. I may be in the minority when I say that I actually enjoyed the final revelations and thought they worked perfectly well with the overall scope, tone, and meaning Christopher Nolan was shooting for when developing his script. I can’t say the film is Nolan’s best work, but it met my expectations beautifully. At the heart of the story revolves around the love of family and how far we’ll go to protect them, but it doesn’t shy away from larger existential questions about humanity and the resiliency of the human race. Isolation, loneliness, loss and love are explored with tenderness at the hands of a filmmaker who holds nothing back when developing his unique and original story that is also one of the more scientifically accurate films I’ve seen.

3. Edge of Tomorrow

The alien race at the center of Edge of Tomorrow are only one of the reasons that make what could have been a repetitive mess into the summer’s best film. Tom Cruise once again proves why he’s a movie star by going against type as a yellow-bellied marketing executive forced to become a hero when he’s thrown into the battlefield and accidentally acquires the technology to jump back several hours after death. Emily Blunt and Bill Paxton add gravitas to the proceedings, giving new life to an otherwise tired conceit, and with some excellent direction, edge-of-your-seat action sequences, light chemistry and some very funny moments, Edge of Tomorrow (or as it’s now being called, Live. Die. Repeat.) will more than likely become the classic it was meant to be as more people find it on other platforms.

 2. The LEGO movie

Everything is awesome… when you watch The LEGO Movie. Based on the decades-old toy, The LEGO Movie is one of those films that you can’t watch just once. It has so much going on in every scene that repeat viewing is necessary to catch it all. Chris Pratt voices Emmett, the average Joe who’s set upon the path as the chosen Master Builder after accidentally finding the “piece of resistance”. Of course, he’s a long way from ever being a Master Builder (his only big idea being a double-decker couch), but with a little fortitude, there’s no reason he couldn’t one day bring life to the bricks. All of the characters, from the deluded Batman (Will Arnett) to the fun, free-spirited Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), are uniquely fun and important to stopping Lord Business (Will Ferrell) from solidifying all of the blocks, thus stopping the Master Builders from doing what they do best – create a world that isn’t bound by instructions. Tack on one of the best end credit tags of the year (sorry Howard), a dizzying amount of pop culture references, extremely detailed animation, and a soon-to-be Academy Award-winning song, it’s clear that when it comes to The LEGO Movie, everything is awesome.

 1. Whiplash

There are two reasons why Whiplash lands in my top spot this year, and their names are J.K. Simmons and Miles Teller. As master and apprentice, respectively, Simmons and Teller command your attention, giving marvelous performances that question the lengths one should go to test their limits and find out how great they can become. The pair carry a film that also has a near pitch-perfect structure. Every event, every piece of dialogue, every subtle moment culminates in a glorious climax, which sings with emotional power that resonates long after you’ve left the theater. Add in a tremendous jazz score and original pieces of music and you’ve got one magnificent piece of art that has officially put Teller on the cinematic map.

WORST FILMS OF 2013

5. Pompeii

What can I say about Pompeii, a film about a nearby volcano wiping out an entire civilization? The film is based on a real-life event, but the film plays more like a cheesy seventies disaster flick. When a comedy like Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb can do better justice to this event, that’s saying something. Not only is the dialogue stilted — forcing the actors to come across as mediocre at best — but the love story that is supposed to give the movie a heart fails to strike any chord of romance. The battle sequences are lazy, the special effects are second-rate and what in the world was Kiefer Sutherland thinking when he signed on to this project? Every scene Sutherland languishes in is so awkward, it kept me from taking this film seriously.

4. Vampire Academy

Unlike other potential franchises based on young adult novels, Vampire Academy fails to do anything right. Beginning with a plodding set-up that doesn’t know where it wants to go, the film tries too hard to be hip, creating teenagers that are Xerox copies of the cast from Mean Girls posing as tortured vampires. Originality is removed from every aspect of its plot, characters, direction, editing or writing. The convoluted ways in which the characters learn new information lead to a terribly executed final act that guarantees the follow-up novels will not be adapted. If you’re in the mood for some good angsty vampire fun, skip this movie altogether and binge-watch the first couple seasons of The Vampire Diaries.

3. I, Frankenstein

The story of Frankenstein’s monster has been told many times, from Mary Shelley’s original tale to this most recent piece of dreck, in which we find the monster attempting to live a normal life in a modern day city. Aaron Eckhart plays the title character with the flair of an amoeba. It doesn’t help that the script is loaded with exposition, which bogs down any semblance of chemistry between Eckhart and Yvonne Strahovski, who looks bored to death with the entire process. The plot between interchangeable factions of demons and gargoyle angels is convoluted at best, and Bill Nighy is completely wasted as the lead demon, who spends more time hamming up his dialogue than he does developing his character. If there’s one saving grace with I, Frankenstein… at least the special effects are given a modicum of affection.

2. Innocence

I have to admit, I actually had to go back and watch the trailer again to remember what Innocence was even about, which doesn’t bode well for its holding power. After doing so, I recall it being an adaptation of a young adult novel that follows a girl to a new school where the faculty just may be a coven of witches who may be involved in killing off some of its female students. I also now remember why it was so low on the totem pole of last year’s films — it was nothing more than a study in bad acting, bad writing and bad execution. That must be the reason why I wiped all memory of this movie from my mind… which is probably a good thing.

1. Sabotage

After choosing Sabatoge (and the equally as bad The Last Stand) as his official comeback movies, Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to find himself a new agent… or at the very least, someone who has his best interests at heart, because relying on Stallone to bail him out and returning to name-brand franchises will catch up to him sooner rather than later. There are hardly any redeeming qualities to this experiment in mainstream snuff, which tries so hard to create an eighties vibe that it forgets what the eighties were all about — fun, inventive characters overcoming the impossible, none of which exists in this film. All we’re left with is a band of rougue mercenaries with similar personalities that you couldn’t care less about, which only makes the implausible stunts and action sequences that much more unbelievable.

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Next week, new movies include Taken 3 and the expansions of Inherent Vice and Selma. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

WANWM – Chapter 7 Answers

For this weeks voting, I’m going to try something a little different! Instead of voting via Facebook, Twitter or by posting a comment, you may now vote with two simple clicks. As you see below, the answers have been placed in a poll, so you are now only two clicks away from casting your vote.

As you consider these great choices, make sure to take into account the story thus far and where you would like to see it go. Check out Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6 and Chapter 7 if you haven’t yet read them (or would like to reread them before making your decision).

Answers are in order of submission. You have until 5 p.m. PST on Monday, January 5, 2015. The winning answer will be the basis for Chapter 8. In case of a tie, I will be the deciding vote.

I look forward to seeing which direction you’d all like to see the story go.

Take Our Poll

Write A Novel With Me – Chapter 7

Welcome to the next chapter in our continuing saga. For Chapter 7, I did something I’ve never done… because one of the answers that wasn’t chosen included an element I was already thinking of using, I’ve stolen that element to flesh out the winning answer — because I can do that!

Before you begin, if you’d like to see the answers for Chapter 6’s question, “What’s the treasure Salinar/Sawyer is looking for?”, you can find them here. And in case you haven’t read them yet, here are the previous chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 & Chapter 6.

Please enjoy Chapter 7 of our story where we find out what Salinar is looking for.

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CHAPTER 7

“I’d love to help, little brother,” Rick said, going to the window and peeking out at nothing in particular. “There’s just one slight problem.” Rick turned to Jaden, that same stupid smile plastered to his face. “Not even the shadows know exactly what it is.”

“Then how the hell does Sawyer know what it is?” Jaden bellowed, clearly frustrated by his brother’s contradictory recounting. “And that the damn thing even exists?”

“It exists. The shadows wouldn’t need to send prospective Gifted through the trio of trials if they were still in possession of it. In fact, they created it for the sole purpose of tracking the Gifted.”

Jaden only grew more irritated the more Rick spoke. “The shadows created the stupid thing?”

Rick nodded.

“Then how do they not know what it is?”

It had been awhile since Rick talked to anyone who didn’t know the history of the Galaxy Gifted, completely overlooking Jaden’s utter lack of knowledge on the subject. He wiped his mouth and sat back down. “You understand who the Galaxy Gifted are, correct?”

“Guardians of the galaxy,” Jaden said quickly. “Protectors of all that is indecent and holy, yeah?”

Rick rolled his eyes a bit, but accepted the answer. “Long before the Galaxy Gifted were established, the shadows, or as they’re more affectionately known, the Majestrata, maintained balance and order among the realms by keeping them from burning into one another. I’m not sure anyone knows why, but at one point, the Majestrata started to weaken and could no longer hold the realms together without killing themselves, so they established the legion of followers who embodied the necessary attributes to keep order among the realms and bound them together with the treasure of Osteris, which, from what I’ve heard, was some sort of curved sheet of glass with twelve small jewels encrusted in a pattern that represented the Osteris sun. Does that make any sense?”

Jaden sat for a second, deciding whether or not he really did understand, then said, “They created a Borg hive.” He cracked a smile. Rick wasn’t amused, but it didn’t seem to offend him either. It was almost as if he’d heard it a dozen times before.

“The Gifted are connected, yes, but we’ve always been independent,” Rick clarified. “We share thoughts, emotions, fears and ambitions, but we can do as we please, as long as it meets the prime directive — protecting the realms from those who want them destroyed.”

Jaden nodded slowly… but nothing else.

If you have no thoughts in your head, keep your mouth shut, his father would say after getting in trouble for uttering something stupid, because the odds of getting your ass kicked rise ten-fold when you have no idea what the hell you’re saying.

Rick took that as his cue to continue.

“The connection we have with one another makes us stronger. Our life force is multiplied by the number of members we have in the legion… meaning when have all twelve, we are nearly invincible. But it also allows the bearer of the Osteris to track us to wherever we might be at any given time, and the weaker we are, the more susceptible we are to compulsion. When the shape-shifter faction learned of this inherit weakness, they found a way to steal the Osteris and started to —”

“Control you,” Jaden said for him.

“And kill us,” Rick said quickly. “Some of the Gifted were turned into zombie faction slaves, but there can’t be more than six of us in the legion for that to happen, so several Gifted were murdered.” Rick coughed a laugh, silently reminiscing for a second. “I remember tracking down one Gifted who had been turned before the Majestrata was able to regain control of the Osteris. He was so far gone, you could see the emptiness in his eyes. The Gifted were nothing more than an enemy and we could all sense his anger. Let me tell you, you do not want to have someone else’s pure, reviled hatred running through you like that. A joyride through Disneyland it is not.”

“Who’s in charge of this stupid Osteris?” Jaden was steadily becoming more curious with each beat of Rick’s story. “I mean, who keeps letting the damn thing slip through his fingers? And if they were able to find it once, why wouldn’t they be able to again?”

“Well, that’s the rub now isn’t it?” Rick shuffled into a more comfortable position (with his back arched forward and his elbows on his knees) to regale Jaden with the final piece of his story. “You see, shortly after the Osteris was stolen, a major war broke out. What was left of the Gifted converged on a planet known as Destra in the Helifar quadrant of the Twilight realm. Only two Gifted survived, but they overcame some major obstacles to reacquire the Osteris. The shape-shifters, with the help of the Gifted they had programmed against us, fought back hard, but the Majestrata couldn’t allow the Osteris to fall back into their hands. Destroying it would only sever the connection we all shared — which, let’s be honest, would be just as devastating — so the Majestrata devised another plan. Without the Osteris, it would be much harder to track and train new Gifted soldiers, but they were willing to give that ability up to keep us protected, so they created a self-perpetuating portal that the essence of the Osteris could use to jump from realm to realm, object to object whenever it pleased. It was the only way we could protect it. We never thought the shape-shifters were advanced enough to build a way to track the essence through the realms. The only reason Salinar is on Earth is because she tracked the Osteris here. Whether she’s been able to track its precise position is still unknown, but if she has, we have to find her before she jumps this rock.”

Jaden was speechless. Not in his wildest dreams had he ever thought anything like what Rick was describing was even remotely possible. He slid into the kitchen without a word and pulled a beer from the fridge. It was gone in two seconds and he popped the top of another.

“A little much for you, little brother?” Rick said with a wry smile as he sauntered back to the pantry for another bag of chips.

“You might say that,” Jaden said after taking another swig. “What I still don’t understand is if Sawyer’s only goal was to grab the Osteris, what the hell did she spend two years with me for?”

Rick flashed his eyebrows, pushing Jaden to figure it out himself.

“She needed a way to blend in until she could pinpoint its exact location.”

“You are the pawn in all of this, my friend.” Rick grabbed the beer from Jaden and took a drink, leaving cheese dust on the tip. “The question is, what was she tracking, and how big a part did you play?”

“I didn’t play any part in anything.” Jaden wiped the mouth of the beer, but set it down on the counter instead of taking another drink. He walked past Rick, shrugging his shoulders. “She was my girlfriend, that’s all. We never went anywhere that was out of the ordinary and she never asked me about anything strange or mystical.”

“She wouldn’t have chosen you for nothing. Something made you important. If we’re going to track her down, we need to figure that out.”

“I’m guessing you two have been butting heads for a while now?”

“We’ve had our scrapes,” Rick said with his mouth full.

“So for all we know, she chose me because she hates you,” Jaden said, a little spiteful. “She finds the Osteris and gets to hurt someone you care about at same time. Kill two birds with one stone.”

Rick tossed the empty bag on the counter and nodded, the wheels in his head spinning like a set of wind turbines in a hurricane. “Okay, let’s say you were just icing on the cake. If that’s true, that means anyone could have led her to the Osteris, so it’s most likely something anyone has access to.”

“Like something you might find in a store?”

“A store that would have much more security than most.”

“A casino, maybe?”

“Or something more precious.”

Jaden and Rick looked at each other with feigned expressions. They were definitely thinking the same exact thing.

“When did you propose to Salinar?” Rick asked.

“Last night,” Jaden said, exasperated.

“Damn it,” Rick bellowed.

“She picked the damn thing out as if it was only one in the store. I even tried to talk her into a more expensive piece and she wouldn’t even consider it.”

“And you let her get away with it.”

“Hey! You were the one who shot her,” Jaden reminded him. “But, Rick… I had that ring for nearly a month before I gave it to her. She could have fled with it a long time ago. Why wait for me to propose? Does the thing have to be gifted to her or something?”

Rick chuffed a laugh. “Come on, man, really?”

Jaden shrugged. It was a legitimate question.

“Anyone can use it,” Rick said, shaking his head. “At least I think they can…” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to make sense of it all.

“What are you thinking?” Jaden asked.

“It’s just… it never occurred to me that the shape-shifters might not have stolen the Osteris the first time.”

“So it does have to be gifted,” Jaden reiterated with pride.

“No, it has to be more than that. There’s no way a member of the Majestrata would have voluntarily given the Osteris up so easily. The shape-shifters must have seduced him somehow.”

“But why? If it doesn’t have to be gifted, what purpose would it serve to seduce someone into giving it to you?”

“Not just seduce,” Rick said, smiling smugly. “Fall in love.”

“Sawyer needed me to fall in love with her? Why?”

“Maybe it’s the only way to access its power.”

Love is a bitch. Always keep one eye wide open or you’ll eventually find your nuts in her purse for safekeeping. Jaden’s father; who knew?

“It would explain the ease of the original breach and your two birds theory. Salinar could have forced anyone to fall in love with her, but she specifically chose you, not because you were some random guy on the street, but because you had meaning — you had purpose. If your love accesses the power of the Osteris, then it very well could bind you to it…” Jaden’s eyes went wide.

“What?” Jaden started to freak out — just a little.

“I need to contact the Majestrata,” Rick said. He grabbed Jaden’s shirt and pulled him toward the door. “Come on. We have to get back to my ship.”

“Wait,” Jaden said, nearly ripping his shirt to pull away from Rick. “What’s gonna happen to me if she uses this thing?”

“As long as we get it back, there shouldn’t be a problem.”

“You do realize she could be anywhere by now. Hell, she could be a snake in the weeds of a farmhouse. How are we supposed to find her?”

“The Galaxy Gifted are endowed with the ability to see the truth in anything,” Rick said.

“So you can see Salinar no matter what she is?” Once again, Jaden was excited by the idea — and now a wee bit jealous, too.

“How do you think I found Sawyer?”

“Good point.”

Rick cocked his head and flashed a crooked smile. For a split second, Jaden swore he was in the midst of Han Solo himself. “You ready, kid?”

It didn’t take Jaden long to reply. “Hell, yeah!”

Just then, the doorbell rang. Rick wrapped his hand around his upper thigh and crouched into a defensive stance. Jaden, on the other hand, swung around behind Rick and hid like a little girl. (Good thing Rick was distracted, or he’d never hear the end of it. He still might.) Rick held up his hand to keep Jaden’s squeaks to a minimum and inched his way to the door. He leaned up to take a peek through the peephole and the tension in his shoulders instantly subsided.

“It’s a cop,” Rick whispered. He spun around to face Jaden squarely in the eyes. “Get rid of her.” Before Jaden could object, Rick scurried off to the bedroom.

Jaden stood erect and, out of habit, cleaned himself up a bit before opening the door. On the other side was Cartera, looking much sexier in her dark blue uniform than she had just hours ago. Her striking brown eyes gave him chills – there was something so familiar about them beyond having all but stared into them for hours on end. Maybe it was the moonlight, or perhaps his shock, but this didn’t seem like the same person.

“Good morning, officer,” he said with a little wink and the addition of a dimple on his left cheek. “What brings you here?”

“Mr. Reinhart,” Cartera said, taking Jaden’s arm and spinning him around. Before he knew it, handcuffs pinched his wrist. “After further investigation, you are under arrest for the murder of your fiancée, Sawyer Smith.”

“What the hell?” Jaden said before being forced up against the door. Cartera cuffed his other wrist as she spewed off the requisite Miranda rights. Before she finished, Jaden coughed out, “This is insane.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Reinhart.” Cartera’s lips were right against his ear. Her breath was warm and scintillating to say the least. “I know how you must feel, which is why I wanted to be the one to make the arrest.”

Somehow she was right. He presence were just soothing enough to keep him calmer than he might have been had some thug detective with powder stains from his last donut still plastered across his lips busted him. He lowered his head and relaxed his body. At the same time, Cartera perked up like a cat that just heard a strange noise and was poised to run and hide. Jaden didn’t recall hearing anything, but it was perfectly conceivable that Rick accidentally did something that might have caught her attention. “Are you alone here?”

“Yes,” Jaden said quickly. “Now can we get this over with so I can post bail already?”

“Calm down, Mr. Reinhart.” Cartera closed the front door and pulled Jaden into the living room, keeping her eyes locked on the door to the bedroom. “You don’t mind if I take a quick look around, do you?” She pushed Jaden to the couch and pulled her gun from its holster.

“I do mind, actually,” Jaden said. “If you don’t have a search warrant —”

Cartera held up her left hand to silence him. That’s when he noticed the sparkle from the band of a silver ring. Though he hated to admit it, he had checked (perhaps on impulse — what guy doesn’t?) to see if she was married just in case —

Of what?

— and unless she got engaged from the time he left the station until now (which couldn’t have been more than eight hours, at the most), there was trouble in little china.

But he had to be certain. As Cartera crept to the bedroom, Jaden quietly stood and shuffled around her to get a better look at the ring, which at first didn’t seem to be the same one he had spent over three grand on, but the more he stared at it, the more it became clear.

“Salinar,” he said, louder than expected.

Cartera turned to him, a bit shocked, and then slumped her shoulders in disappointment. “Ah, hell,” she said, and fired her entire clip through the bedroom wall. Jaden quickly cowered into the kitchen, doing everything he could to keep from vomiting. When the gunfire stopped, he peered around the counter to get a better look. Cartera dropped the clip to the floor and slammed in a fresh one, continuing to creep slowly toward the room as if she was still expecting something terrible to happen.

What Jaden wasn’t expecting was the massive explosion that splintered the wall into millions of pieces, sending Cartera flying into the kitchen where she left her indentation on the pantry. She fell to the floor, unconscious. Jaden was frozen in a state of shock, unable to think, much less do anything. He’d never been in a situation like this before — his life was way too boring.

“Salinar,” Rick said, his voice gruff and nearly unrecognizable. He appeared to be taller in some regard, the hobo outfit somehow transforming into badass gunfighter regalia. What caught Jaden’s eye, though, was the weapon prominently displayed in Rick’s hand. It looked like a thin, curved knife with three blue rings that lit up symmetrically along the tip. A slight wave shifted through the air around them, much like looking at the horizon of a desert in the scorching heat. It not only accentuated his stature, but it made his entire story all that much more believable.

Rick took very proud and distinguished steps toward the kitchen. Jaden sucked in a breath, hoping this was the end of everything he’d been forced into. What he wouldn’t give to be able to head off into the mountains and live like a hermit for the rest of his life. Then he had to go and turn to see if Cartera was still down for the count. What he saw was Sawyer’s eyes burning into his. He tried to pull away, but his love for her was unyielding.

Love is a bitch!

Jaden involuntarily stood. He was aware of what was happening, but his body wouldn’t listen to him — not one single command.

“Jaden,” Rick said. “Get out of here. I’ll catch up soon.”

He didn’t move. The most he could do was twitch his left eye. Damn if he didn’t kick himself for choosing to ditch the classes on Morse code to get high with his friends.

when he had the chance to learn Morse code and chose to ditch his classes to get high.

“Do as I say!”

“I can’t,” Jaden said (though not on his own volition) and walked out from behind the counter. He was no longer handcuffed and held the officer’s firearm.

Rick aimed his own weapon at Jaden. The rings lit up brighter, seemingly gathering molecules from the air around them. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Jaden said, though his voice had a familiar metallic vibration to its tone. “I’ve only come here for one thing.” Jaden raised the weapon.

“Your death.”

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How does the standoff end?

Be as creative as you can, as outrageous as you want, and as detailed as possible. The best answer will determine where the story goes next.

Post your answers to Facebook, Twitter (using #WriteANovelWithMe and @phoenixmoirai) or in the comments section below by 5 p.m. PST on Thursday, January 1, 2015. You can give as many different answers as you want. The top 5 will be posted on Friday.

I can’t wait to see where your imaginations soar

Movie Mayhem – Night At the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

In Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb, Sir Lancelot (Dan Stevens) sums up Ben Stiller’s appeal quite well. When he first meets Larry Daley (Stiller), Lancelot tells Larry he reminds him of a “fool” he liked back in Camelot because of the way Larry is able to make him laugh with the simplest of expressions and his dry, monotonous delivery. As the everyman, amusement comes from the exasperated way he reacts to the absurdness around him. Stiller isn’t always the straight man, but when he is, he emanates the aura of a best friend, one you can relate to and want to hang out with, making the more outrageous characters and situations that much more tolerable. It works, and because of that, director Shawn Levy doesn’t see any reason to change anything else in the franchise either.

In this third, and apparently final, installment in the Night at the Museum series, Larry is teamed with his requisite band of merry men as he travels to the British Museum of Natural History to track down Ahkmenrah’s (Rami Malek) parents and find out why the tablet that brings all of the museum artifacts to life is corroding, causing ill-timed havoc among the exhibits. In a vain attempt at including the big six mainstays, Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams), Sacajawea (Mizuo Peck), Attila the Hun (Patrick Gallagher), Jedediah (Owen Wilson), Octavius (Steve Coogan), and Dexter (Crystal the Monkey) stow away in the crate Larry uses to transport Ahkmenrah to the British Museum, setting up how empty their presence really is.

I have no issue with the time-honored tradition of a sequel rounding up all of the original cast members, so long as their characters have a purpose — which in this case is to aid the hero in his journey and continue to have individual growth. Including them for the sake of property recognition makes them arbitrary filler and takes away from the focus of the film, which like all of the Museum films is about figuring out one’s identity and becoming more than you allow yourself to be. In the original film, that idea played into every one of these characters. They each had very defined arcs that allowed them to breath life and soul into their characters. Without that, they become dull representations of their former selves, adding nothing new to the proceedings. The true heart of the story is, as always, the relationship between Larry and his son, Nick (Skyler Gisondo, replacing Jake Cherry for some unknown reason), who wants to take a year to DJ in Spain instead of going to college. Like any parent, Larry doesn’t want to let go of that little boy who was once so enamored by his father, and this adventure may just be the last chance to bond. At no point does any of the returning supporting cast (except for Ackmenrah) add substance to the development of this particular relationship.

The characters that do add importance to this arc are the new faces, including Ackmenrah’s father, Merenkahre (Ben Kingsley), and one final stowaway, a neanderthal created to look like Larry, dubbed Laaa (also played by Stiller, proving he has the chops to be one of the crazy sidekicks as well as the straight man at the same time). But the most significant figure is Lancelot, a terrific addition to the series who continually overrides Larry’s objections and fatherly advice, telling Nick that at his age, he has the right to fight to be his own man. The interplay between Lancelot and both Larry and Nick fit perfectly into the series with genuine aplomb. Had Levy been brave enough to leave behind the main band and focus all of his energy into this triangle, the film might have had more time to concentrate on the real reason they were all there — stopping the tablet from losing its power.

But to essentially say farewell to the series, Levy decided to waste time on misadventures that ultimately have no purpose (such as Jedidiah and Octavius’s adventure through the heating ducts) and stuffing the film with returning players, including Rickey Gervais as the Museum’s jumpy curator, Dr. McPhee, and Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs as the original trio of guards at the New York Museum of Natural History. Their appearance here is fun (though to see Mickey Rooney for one last tirade is as bittersweet as watching Robin Williams in one of his final performances), but the driving force behind their return relies on heavy-handed nostalgia. Levy does give Van Dyke a secondary reason to be there by opening the film with a sequence that takes place some sixty years ago during the excavation of Ackmenrah’s tomb and the accusation of the tablet (and wastes Matt Frewer in a throw-away cameo appearance that could have been given to any no-name, low level actor), but having a young Cecil stumble upon the tomb so that he can later inform Larry about where Ackmenrah’s parents were sent makes the entire thing slightly forced.

Even so, Levy somehow manages to find a way to make the film as entertaining and delightful as the previous two installments. Though I would have liked to have seen more of Merenkahre and Rebel Wilson’s needy security guard, the film isn’t any better or worse than Battle at the Smithsonian, which was elevated by Amy Adams’s light and airy Amelia Earhart and Hank Azaria’s manipulative and inept Pharaoh. All of the actor’s make the material they’re given count, and Levy takes great care in keeping the atmosphere light and adventurous, highlighted by the return of both old gags (like showing how certain “normal” things affect Jedediah and Octavius) and new laughs, as well as some nice emotional moments. It may sound weird, but one of the most heartfelt aspects was in how far the relationship between Larry and Dexter has grown. Add in a killer cameo by a huge star (which I won’t spoil here) and Levy turns an otherwise lackluster sequel into a fitting end to a trilogy that really only merited a single adventure.

My Grade: B+

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Next week, new movies include Into The Woods, The Gambler, The Interview and Unbroken. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments be

WANWM – Answers For Chapter 6

Thanks to those of you who participated in answering the question for Chapter 6 of Write A Novel With Me. I am very excited for this batch of answers and am looking forward to getting started on Chapter 7. As you consider these great choices, make sure to take into account the story thus far and where you would like to see it go. Check out Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 and Chapter 6. if you haven’t yet read them (or would like to reread them before making your decision).

Here was the question:

WHAT’S THE TREASURE SALINAR/SAWYER IS LOOKING FOR?

Here are the answers up for your vote (in order of submission):

1) It’s a weapon that would help the Galaxy Gifted protect the universe and locate other gifted warriors to join the fight. If the weapon were to fall in the hands of the enemy, they could locate all of the Galaxy Gifted and kill them before they could be trained to fight, or turn them to fight for the other side.

2) The treasure is a magical mirror. You stand in front of it and look deeply into it. What you think of, the mirror provides it to you. Whatever your mind thinks of the mirror can provide. With the mirror, anything could happen for the good or the bad. That is what Salinar/Sawyer is looking for. She knows that when she finds it, she can change the future forever.

3) The treasure is the engagement ring Jaden gave to sawyer. She picked out the ring specifically when they were shopping for rings. Sawyer is not able to just get the ring, it has to be gifted from someone who loved her dearly in order for the treasure to work.

To vote, use the comment section below, comment on the Facebook post, or use #WriteANovelWithMe on Twitter (and tag @phoenixmoirai) to provide the number of the answer you like the best. You have until 5 p.m. PST on Monday, December 20, 2014. The winning answer will be the basis for Chapter 7. In case of a tie, I will be the deciding vote.

I look forward to seeing which direction you’d all like to see the story go.

Christmas Promotion

It’s Christmas and Phoenix Moirai would like to give a gift to everyone who is currently planning a birthday, quinceañera, sweet sixteen party, or any other event you would like to remember and cherish for years to come.

Now through noon on January 1, 2015, book a date to have your party or event filmed and receive a set of unique invitations to send out to all of your guests for FREE. The date of the party does not have to be within the next two weeks, and the invitations will be unique to the guest of honor and the theme of the party. Restrictions do apply, so email questions@phoenixmoirai.com with any questions you might have.

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Write A Novel With Me – Chapter 6

Welcome to the next chapter in our continuing saga. Before you begin, if you’d like to see the answers for Chapter 5’s question, “What is the test of courage?”, you can find them here. And in case you haven’t read them yet, here are the previous chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3, Chapter 4 & Chapter 5.

Please enjoy Chapter 6 of our story where we find out what the test of courage entails.

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CHAPTER 6

Rick didn’t remember stepping through the doors. He could recall the other chosen watching with bated breath as a blast of white-hot light hit him, and then he was standing in the middle of a strange, yet familiar place. It wasn’t clear at first why it felt so familiar, but he was aware that it was very important to him. His first instinct was to look for Sameer and Frensessa, but unlike the fishbowl (and in some ways, the wormhole), this didn’t feel at all like a dream — or at the very least, a manifestation of his mind. The trees, the grass, the sidewalks, the stars — they were as real as the taste of the mist that chilled his body.

If this was the location of the test, he was dumbfounded by how it could cause enough fear, or present the necessary odds needed to test his courage. Were the shadows playing games with him? Was a tree going to transform into a fire-breathing dragon and force him to fight like some sort of knight to prove his worth in battle? Would he have to endure the torture of solitude among a never-ending night to prove he was courageous enough to fight his own growing madness? Whatever it was, at no time did he consider that he had failed the test and was returned home because of it.

Not until he came across a tree that brought a flood of emotions with it, even if its importance remained just out of reach. A blanket lay slightly wrinkled underneath the lowest set of branches that Rick figured would perpetually shade this particular spot when the sun was up. An open basket with used utensils and open food containers sat offset at the frayed edge of the blanket. Rick knelt down and closed his eyes, trying to remember anything about this spot, even if it was just a random memory of burning an army of ants with a magnifying glass. He tried so hard, he grew slightly dizzy and needed to catch himself against the tree.

His eyes snapped open. Lauren!

Excitement and fear burned through his veins as his memories flooded back to him. Rick had been returned to the very spot where the nightmare began. Which could very well mean the entire thing was a dream, or at the very least that he was no longer bound by the shadow and an insane theory of destiny. But it could also mean that because he failed the shadow’s test, Lauren and the rest of his family would parish for that failure.

“Lauren!” he called out, hoping for an answer he never thought was possible.

Then a scream broke the silence. It sounded extremely distant, but that could simply be because there was absolutely no wind to carry it. He was unsure of what direction it might have come from, and prayed for another. His heart nearly ripped in two when his prayer was answered.

“Lauren!” Rick ran as fast as he could into a nearby wooded area that grew denser the deeper he went. He may have tripped a half a dozen times on errant logs and brush, or got smacked in the head a couple of times by loose twigs and large plant leaves due to the thickening darkness, but no amount of abuse was going to keep him from finding his aunt, whose screams grew louder and more frequent with each passing moment. Rick returned each one with his own, hoping to ease Lauren’s fear and keep her signaling her location. Part of him hoped she’d meet him halfway, relieving his legs, which at this point felt like rubber. It made him a bit annoyed, to be frank, that she hadn’t already come to him, but how could he be resentful when the shadow very well could be holding her prisoner. Damn bastard! For all Rick knew, the entire situation was a trap that he was falling for hook line and sinker. The thought didn’t linger long.

Lauren’s final scream was cut frighteningly short as Rick reached a circular clearing. Had the shadow killed her? No amount of calls achieved any response. His heart beat uncontrollably as he scoured his surroundings, hoping for a piece of her dress, a chuck of her hair, a drop of her blood — anything that would tell him where she might be.

Whenever you’re in the dimple of a pickle, his father used to say, take a moment to smell the brine. That’ll stop your ass and clear your head real quick. It was a somewhat disgusting analogy, but the meaning behind it was solid — Rick had to calm himself down and find his bearings.

He stood still for a long minute, taking in several deep breaths before systematically going over every inch of the border around the clearing. From what he could remember (or at least, what he thought he remembered), Lauren’s screams had been coming from directly in front of him as he entered the clearing, and other than a small open area a little to his right that appeared to be some type of natural pathway constructed by man, the rest of his surroundings were a highly dense wall of forestry. If the shadow wanted Rick to find Lauren, her location would be easily accessed. Following the path — to the detriment of his better judgment — was his only viable option.

The path sloped downward pretty steeply the longer Rick followed it, and the more he traveled, the more he felt he was going the wrong way. He was just about ready to turn around and look for new clues when he heard the wind pick up, even though the air remained as stale as year-old bread. He finally realized it wasn’t the wind — it was water; a stream or a river of some sort. And if his past tests told him anything, water was going to be a major part of what he had to face to prove his courage. So he picked up the pace a little, following the growing rumble of the river until he saw it, raging and frothing like a rabid dog. But that wasn’t what stopped his heart. Dangling over the river by her neck was Lauren — or at least who he thought was Lauren, given that the woman’s greasy brown hair concealed her face. But it had to be her. Who else could it be?

“Lauren!” he called out regardless as he ran to the edge of the river. He tried so desperately to reach her, but she remained just out of reach of his fingertips. Not like he had a plan if he was able to reach her, but right now, just being able to touch her was enough to keep him satisfied while he figured out how to get her down without the river eating them both alive (assuming she was alive).

Just then, Rick heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see a young woman with striking red hair that reached her waist walk up to him.

“Help me,” Rick said frantically.

“I can’t do that,” the woman said. Her voice was like crystal, tickled with tiny sparks of metallic chimes. “Who do you think put her there?”

Rick’s eyes turned red. Could she be some manifestation of the shadow — his true identity, perhaps? Or was she just one of his minions? Either way, Rick wanted so badly to rush the woman and beat the living daylights out of her, but his legs wouldn’t let him. In some ways, he was thankful for that.

“Who are you?” he belted out instead in his best angry voice.

“You may call me Salinar.”

*   *   *

“Salinar,” Jaden said quickly, waving his hands. He shook his head, trying to grasp the connection. “That’s Sawyer, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Rick said, nonchalantly.

“Are you trying to tell me you met Sawyer twenty years ago?”

“In a way.”

“How old is she?”

Rick smiled knowingly; he couldn’t help himself. “You have to remember,” he said, bypassing the question altogether, “this was part of my final test, so whether she was real at the time is still questionable. But yeah, I met the real deal some four years later, I think. She’s one tough bitch, let me tell you.”

“Why would she be part of the test?” Jaden asked.

“Salinar is the leader of the shape-shifter faction known as The Resminatè, which makes her the most recognizable figure among the entire race, so I assume he uses her image in everybody’s test of courage.”

“Why? Get you all riled up and pissed off?”

“You’re not far off there, brother,” Rick said with a wink.

*   *   *

“Why are you doing this to her?” Rick said with disdain.

Salinar floated gracefully to the edge of the river. The moonlight highlighted the curvature of her nose and painted a serene sparkle to the tips of her lashes. “I’m not doing this to her,” Salinar said softly.

“But you said…” Her words hung heavy in Rick’s mind and weren’t completely clear, but she had said she was behind the hanging — didn’t she?

“The noose was tied by my hand, yes. But the reason for her lynching is of your own making.”

“No… no… you promised me —”

“I made no such promise.”

“But you… You aren’t the shadow?”

Salinar laughed heartily. “The shadow? Is that what he calls himself these days?”

Rick was just as confused as he was infuriated. “No. I just assumed…”

“Wouldn’t it be best to at least learn the name of the creature for whom you give your life away?”

“Give my life away? I never gave my life away.” Why was Rick so offended by that?

“The moment you allowed him into your soul, Rick, you signed away any life you would ever have.”

“He was going to kill my family. What else was I supposed to do?”

Salinar turned to Rick, her head cocked slightly to her right. “You never once thought to fight him?”

Rick couldn’t answer that question. He would have turned away in shame had he been able to stop staring at Salinar’s glistening features.

“Ah, yes. You understand now that the empty gesture of bravery was nothing more than a lie. What you really are, Rick, is a coward.”

“I am not a coward.” Not even Rick could believe the words as they came out of his mouth.

“I’m not here to judge you, my friend. In fact, I’m here to change all of that.” Salinar rested her hand on Rick’s cheek, her thumb tickling his skin just under his jawline.

“How?” he said.

“Save her.”

Rick stood motionless for some time, captivated by her eyes, which sparkled like glitter.

“It’s something you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” Salinar said. “To save her?”

Rick wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that exactly — until he was compelled to look up at the woman dangling like a Christmas ornament. The woman convulsed slightly, pushing her hair from her face, and then opened her eyes.

“Mom?”

*   *   *

“Mom?” Jaden said a bit stunned.

“Let me finish,” Rick said.

*   *   *

Salinar’s lips arched at the corners as Rick let his toes curl over the edge of the river, calling out for his mother. Seeing her again made him blind to everything else around him.

“Mom, hold on. I’m coming.” No more were his father’s words more applicable than in this moment. Rick calmly assessed his surroundings and quickly noticed that the rope was tied to a large branch overhanging the river. Following it back, he traced it to a tree sitting a few feet to his right. It was covered in spiked branches and dozens of knots — perfectly suited for climbing.

Had that tree been there before?

Who cares? It was his chance to do what he wasn’t able to do before. He climbed the tree like a cat in fear of its life and quickly straddled the branch. It would take a little time (which he didn’t really have) to slide out to his mother, but he couldn’t take the chance of slipping off.

When he got to the tip, he found that the rope was actually tied to the roots of a tree on the other side of the river. His only chance of saving her was to pull her to safety and remove the noose. He lay down flat and reached down, stretching as far as he could without losing his balance. “Mom, give me your hand.”

His mom didn’t react at all. It was almost as if she didn’t even know he was there.

“Mom!” Rick screamed, which finally got her attention. She looked up but remained otherwise motionless. “Please,” he said, his eyes starting to glisten.

She smiled slightly and grabbed his hand. It felt incredibly warm for having been out in the cold for so long, but Rick didn’t think anything of it. His first attempt at pulling her up almost led to his rolling right off the branch. He caught himself, releasing some of her weight without letting go of her hand and then used his legs to reposition himself in a much more powerful hold. He re-gripped his mother’s hand and then finally looked directly into her eyes.

He hoped to see his mother’s love shining bright within them, but no matter how hard he tried, the bastion of what he remembered from when he was a child was gone. Her eyes were utterly hollow, as if her soul had been stripped from her body. This wasn’t his mother; it was nothing more than a costume made up to look like her.

“What are you waiting for?” his mother said, though in a very familiar crystalline voice.

He looked down at Salinar, who stood as still as a statue.

“Rick, please,” his mother said. “Help me.”

Unwillingly, Rick turned back to his mother, whose eyes were suddenly as gentle and loving as he remembered them.

“Please…”

Rick shook his head. “I’m sorry.” And with heavy moisture building in his eyes, he let go of his mother’s hand and ripped the rope from its hold. His mother screamed as she fell to the water, but her voice carried beyond the splash of her body.

“What did you do?” Salinar screamed.

“What I had to,” Rick said and lowered his head in sorrow.

Suddenly, the cold air of the night and the touch of the wood along his hands were gone. He looked up and wiped the tears from his eyes. Surrounding him in a misted triangle were the shadows.

Well done, my friend, the lead shadow said. You are now one of the Galaxy Gifted.

*   *   *

Jaden stood up and paced the room a moment before turning back to Rick. “That doesn’t make a lick of sense. How do you pass a test of courage by killing your own mother?”

“It wasn’t about killing her,” Rick said. “It was about letting go of her.”

“Literally,” Jaden said, and though he had a clever quip about Elsa at the ready (at least in his mind it was clever), he decided to keep it to himself. “So what happened next?” he said instead.

“I started my training as one of the Galaxy Gifted.”

“That’s it? That’s the end of the story?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Well, what happened to Schwarzenegger and the bitch? And the fat valley girl?”

“To be honest, I have no idea. As all recruits do, I trained with the shadow alone and when they felt I was ready, I was assigned my quadrant and have been patrolling it ever since. For all I know, none of them ever passed their test. Hell, some of them might even still be in the dome.”

“How anti-climactic,” Jaden hissed.

“I never said I was a great storyteller.”

“So what then? You abandon your post to chase down Sawyer?”

“Pretty much. But Salinar is my responsibility, and if she gets her hands on that treasure, the consequences will be far more severe than going AWOL.”

“So why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I need your help to track down the treasure.”

“What makes you think I know where it is? I don’t even know what the hell it is.”

“Salinar chose you for a reason, which means either you have direct access to the treasure, or she found a way to use you to manipulate her way to it. There has to be some clue in what she’s done or what she’s said since you two met that will help lead us to it.”

Jaden bit his lips. He knew it was too good to be true. “It would help if I even had the slightest clue as to what she was after. And if you say the greatest treasure in the universe again, I’m definitely going to throw you out that window.”

Rick just smiled.

_____________________________________

What’s the treasure Salinar/Sawyer is looking for?

Be as creative as you can, as outrageous as you want, and as detailed as possible. The best answer will determine where the story goes next.

Post your answers to Facebook, Twitter (using #WriteANovelWithMe and @phoenixmoirai) or in the comments section below by 5 p.m. PST on Thursday, December 18, 2014. You can give as many different answers as you want. The top 5 will be posted on Friday.

I can’t wait to see where your imaginations soar.

Movie Mayhem – Top Five

Chris Rock has always been a very hit-or-miss comedian. I’ve always liked his voice work in the Madagascar series and when he appears in films that, with the exception of possible improv work during filming, he doesn’t have a hand in writing (such as his roles in The Longest Yard and Lethal Weapon 4), his presence is felt with incredible enthusiasm. But when it comes to his standup act, and those films he writes and directs himself, something always seems to be amiss. I’m not sure if it’s his overall schtick, the way his mind works, or if he allows others to influence his decisions, it’s almost as if he’s unwilling to put as much energy into his craft as he does when he has no stake in the bottom line. His newest passion project, Top Five, hobbles on a similar crutch, feeling too important than it should be and failing to give the film room to just have fun.

But the movie is important, especially to Rock, who uses Top Five to explore issues that he himself just might be going through in his own career. I have great respect for any artist who’s willing to expose a lot of his discomfort or fears about not only his future as an artist, but the industry of celebrity as well. By making his main character, Andre Allen, a popular comedian trying to clean up his life and become more than simply someone to laugh at, Rock is playing on the idea that I’m sure a lot of comedians must deal with at some point in their careers — that moment when they want to prove they are more than just a one-note joke. It’s always tragic to know someone like Robin Williams or Richard Pryor, who devote their lives to bringing joy to so many people, suffers from drug or alcohol addiction because they themselves carry around so much pain that they need substances to stay alive. Rock says it best when Andre Allen explains the reason he’s trying to become a dramatic actor is because every comedic performance he’s ever given has been when he was drunk or high, and he just doesn’t think he can be funny without it. The message is really strong — and a heartfelt one at that — and it drives the narrative of the overall film quite well.

Where Rock stumbles is in the way he balances the dramatic with the comedic, which at times goes too far to counterbalance the other. The best comedies ever made have included strong dramatic elements (and some of the best dramas include perfectly-timed comedy) to help give the story some heart or relief from the monotony of the main genre. It becomes clear early on in Top Five that Rock isn’t sure if he’s making a comedy or a drama. The discussion remains focused on the desire to become a dramatic actor, yet because Rock is a comedian, I think he gets lost in the idea that he has to be funny all the time no matter what. So when he’s not being funny — or when he’s opening up and being real — the moments of pure comedy are taken to a new height and feel not only out of place within the bigger picture, but far too corny and cheesy to resonate with Allen grappling with his inner demons.

That isn’t to say that Rock doesn’t deliver on the comedic moments of the film, at least when they remain subtle and within the parameters of the dramatic world Rock has set up. The film centers around one wild day for Allen, who spends his time promoting his new dramatic film, “Uprize” (a story about a massive slave uprising in Haiti), that is constantly being upstaged by his looming nuptials to a young reality show starlet, Erica Long (Gabrielle Union). The press junkets and radio interviews are pure magic, displaying just the right amount of awkward and subtle comedy that balances out the “reality” of his bride-to-be and what goes into making her who she is. There’s also a terrific moment involving a cameo appearance by DMX that acts as a catalyst for Allen to figure out who he really is as an artist.

The glue that holds all of these scenarios together is Chelsea Brown (Rosario Dawson), a reporter from the New York Times who follows Allen around as he promotes his film. She is an intelligent woman, mother and journalist who wants nothing more than to learn the truth behind the image of this man who is clearly going through a crisis of identity — another aspect of the film that is dealt with in a very clever and subtle way. No one’s identity in this film (except for maybe J.B. Smoove’s fast-talking, big-girl loving bodyguard) is what it seems to be. Everyone is playing a part, representing the person they believe everyone wants them to be and hiding from the truth of who they really are, leading to a well-done twist at the end of the second act that turns everything around for Allen to jump-start his belief in himself. It fits nicely into the overall message of what Rock is trying to say, and he never tries to do more with it than he feels is necessary.

If it wasn’t for Rock’s insistence to pile on as many cameo appearances as he can fit into the little clown car of obnoxiousness, the movie would have had so much more strength than it ends up having. I understand Rock is very loyal to his friends, but in a movie that’s trying to speak on a much higher level than the simplicity of outrageous humor, do we really need to see Adam Sandler, Jerry Seinfeld, Whoopi Goldberg, Tracey Morgan, Kevin Hart and just about every new black cast member of Saturday Night Live pop in for no other reason than to try and squeeze comedy in where it doesn’t even need to be? There is a fantastic moment where Erica is helping out with final preparations for the wedding and she walks by the star-studded seating arrangements (making it feel as if it was the Oscars of all weddings). Adam Sandler’s placard sits in the front row aisle seat. But not for long. Erica picks it up, switches a couple of placards around and then walks down the aisle with it. Where she takes it is anybody’s guess, but that moment is both funny and sweet, and gives just the right nod to Sandler and Rock’s relationship (and how some others might see it). If the film had more of this, and less over-the-top sex jokes and visuals, Top Five might have been just that in the year-end debate. Instead, it becomes nothing more a vehicle for a star trying to be an artist who has more to say than hiding behind a mask everyone loves.

My Grade: B

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Next week, new movies include Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb, Annie and The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Movie Mayhem – The Homesman

Given that the major studios decided to take a break this weekend by failing to offer up one new nationwide release, I had to make a choice: review a film I’d already seen, go check out a major release I had yet to see (and I was not about to waste my money on Dumb and Dumber To) or check out an independent film I probably wouldn’t have seen had it not been for the lack of offerings. (The film I was going to review this week, The Pyramid, only opened in a little over 500 theaters and didn’t make the cut at my local cineplexes). So I decided on the latter, choosing to see Tommy Lee Jones’s directorial debut, The Homesman, a slice-of-life western that piqued my interest mainly because of the stellar cast Jones was able to put together. Unfortunately, even the best cast can’t rise above a mediocre story, no matter how many Oscars they may have won (or have been nominated for).

Jones casts himself as the title character, George Briggs, a tired, lonely drifter who… wait. Is this story about him, or is it about Mary Bee Cuddy (Hilary Swank), a lonely frontierswoman living in the Nebraska territory who’s desperate to find a husband and bear many a child? I only ask because I’m not quite sure Jones (who’s also credited as a writer, alongside Kieran Fitzgerald and Wesley A. Oliver, based on the novel by Glendon Swarthout) even knows, as the film’s point of view jumps characters at about the start of the third act due to an event that is set up to be extremely tragic, but comes off as confusing and unsure of itself — which sums up the entire tone of the film itself.

I’m all for an actor or writer or cinematographer stepping out of their comfort zone to try their hand at the director’s chair, but when they lack confidence in what they’re doing, that timidness shows on screen. I assume Jones wanted to capture the serenity, unpredictability and tortuously lonely aspects of living on the frontier in this undisclosed time frame, but those things alone don’t present a strong enough adversary for Cuddy and Briggs to overcome. Every “chapter” that makes up Cuddy and Briggs’s journey are given very little time to develop, thus create a sort of blocked narrative that doesn’t allow for any emotional, spiritual or psychological changes in any of the characters. In fact, whenever a conflict arises, it feels overly manufactured in how quickly it comes and goes without much tension at all.

One specific scene that highlights this idea is when a band of Indians begin to stalk Cuddy and Briggs, who heightens the dangers by contiuously going over what should happen if things go badly and the Indians decide to raid their wagon. But then, before the Indians even approach them, Briggs takes them a horse with which they start to chase it like a baby being distracted by a new colorful toy. Threat resolved. Compile enough of these simulated “dangers” without a clear, defined antagonist and the threat of anything happening to these characters creates a simplicity to the film that lulls the momentum into a state of banality.

It isn’t like Jones didn’t have plenty of opportunity to heighten the conflict in the film and use it to strengthen the bond between Cuddy and Briggs, two lost souls seeking some type of solace or companionship. But because Jones can’t really commit to anything deeper than a few quips and minor struggles, there is hardly any chemistry between Jones and Swank that warrants any hope for a budding friendship (or more) or justifies any of their actions. From the moment Cuddy cuts Briggs from a noose after being left for dead for squatting in one of the frontiersman’s homes, their relationship bounces all over the place, making any conflict that may help them grow and change as empty as a hot air balloon.

But their characters are no more empty than that of the three women who are basically used as nothing more than a plot device. Pioneer life has taken its toll on these ladies for different reasons — Arabella Sours (Grace Gummer) lost three children in three days due to dysentery; Theoline Belknap (Miranda Otto) loses hope when all of their livestock fall dead; and Gro Svendsen (Sonja Richter) is sexually abused and loses her mother — causing each one to effectively go insane. Unable to take care of them any longer, their husbands (Jesse Plemons, William Fichtner and David Dencik, respectively) request the church send them back to their homes on the east coast. None of them are willing to take the six week journey, though, which leads to Cuddy taking on the arduous task herself.

These circumstances should have been extremely tragic, however, due in part to the editing of the film, Jones fails to give this aspect of the film any gravitas. We’re introduced to these girls through very quick snapshots of what happened to them with no reason to know who they are or what’s going on, and then tacks on a few random flashbacks throughout the rest of the film to try and give more depth to these wordless characters. But at no time do their circumstances add any reason to build a stronger relationship between Cuddy and Briggs as it’s meant to do. Had Jones waited to show why these women went insane until we got to know them better, he may have been able to connect them to Cuddy and Briggs in a much more substantial and compelling way. Instead the impact of the tragedy is wasted, as is the parade of celebrity that plagues the movie.

The opening credits list a stellar lineup of stars that fails to have any impact as they come and go, adding nothing much to the film but their notoriety. John Lithgow plays Reverend Alfred Dowd, the bridge for the transfer to Altha Carter (Meryl Streep), the wife of a reverend in Iowa who will act as caretaker for the women until they are able to find their families, and Hailee Steinfeld pops in as a housekeeper, there simply because she resembles Cuddy. Their appearances are more stunt casting than fully realized characters, leading to performances that feel bored and hollow. The only actor who truly lavishes in his small, unimportant role as a elitist developer is James Spader, who, let’s be honest, never misses a chance to revel in his malevolence. He was a bright light in a barren world where nothing is earned and nothing is gained, giving us a series of events with no point but to represent a snapshot of frontier life that remains as placid as any other mundane story.

My Grade: C

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Next week, new movies include Top Five and Exodus: Gods and Kings. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

WANWM – Answers For Chapter 5

Thanks to those of you who participated in answering the question for Chapter 5 of Write A Novel With Me. The answers were all terrific (and all incredibly detailed!), and I can’t wait to get started on turning the winning entry into Chapter 6. As you consider these great choices, make sure to take into account the story thus far and where you would like to see it go. Check out Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 if you haven’t yet read them (or would like to reread them before making your decision).

Here was the question:

WHAT IS THE TEST OF COURAGE?

Here are the answers up for your vote (in order of submission):

1) When he passed through the doors, he looked around and his first thought was, “I’m back at the park.” It seemed he had come back to where the nightmare had begun. Then he heard a scream coming from the woods and ran to see who it might be. Could it be Lauren? He ran in the direction of the screams, but it didn’t seem like he was making any progress. Then he saw her hanging from a branch over a ledge — but it wasn’t Lauren, it was Sawyer.

2) As he entered through the door, he was shocked to find himself standing in front of an old woman. She said, “Come sit down Rick. Don’t be afraid. You have come to see if you have the courage to go through with this part of your life and become the Universal Cop.” She goes on to explain what he has to do to find that courage. “This is what you need to do. You need to take on your worst fear or there will be no hope for you.” First thing he had to do was get into a special suit made just for him. Then he was supposed to go and face his worst fear. Once he passes he would be able to proceed on.

3) There stood a sight so beautiful there were no words to describe it. It took his breath away to see the beautiful array of colors and bright lights that seem to hum, summoning him to come closer. He took one step and it was like he was walking on clouds — clouds of turquoise smoke arose as he walked through the lights. He didn’t realize the smoke was taking his soul.

To vote, use the comment section below, comment on the Facebook post, or use #WriteANovelWithMe on Twitter (and tag @phoenixmoirai) to provide the number of the answer you like the best. You have until 5 p.m. PST on Monday, December 8, 2014. The winning answer will be the basis for Chapter 6. In case of a tie, I will be the deciding vote.

I look forward to seeing which direction you’d all like to see the story go.