Bryan Caron's Blog, page 32

Phoenix Moirai is about to go… MAD

Last week I mentioned that my company, Phoenix Moirai, was going to put on a massive promotion to celebrate its 1st Anniversary of conducting business. Well, with the arrival of college basketball’s annual tournament of champions, that time is almost upon us. That’s right, Phoenix Moirai is going to jump on the March Madness train to offer everyone dozens upon dozens of killer deals for all its services with a competitive edge.

Writers — do you need a cover design and professional editing but can’t afford both?

New Business Owners — do you need a personal identity but need a solid discount before you request a stunning logo, avatar and business card designs?

Future Brides — Looking for a wedding videographer but don’t quite have the largest of budgets?

Look no further than Phoenix Moirai‘s March Madness Promotion!

Here’s how it’ll work. Next Sunday, March 15, is “Selection Sunday”, where the NCAA will bracket all of the participating colleges for March Madness. Once that has occurred, Phoenix Moirai will randomly pair each team with a specific promotion ranging from 15 to 75% off of a variety of design, writing and videography services, and post that bracket on Monday, March 16, when the promotional offers officially go into effect. As the tournament progresses, when a team is eliminated, so is the specific promotion attached to that team. For example, let us say that San Diego State University has been paired with a promotion for 15% off any service. This offer will be available for as long as SDSU remains in the tournament, up to the championship game on April 6, the winner of which will remain in effect until April 19.

What does this mean? It means if you like a particular promotion, you might want to jump on it early, as there will be a lot of eliminations within the first week, as the field drops from 68 to 16. And who really knows what promotional offers will be available once the sweet sixteen take it to the court.

Don’t stress the eliminations too much, though. All you need to do to secure your discount is request a quote prior to the offer’s elimination. For example, SDSU has made it to the Sweet Sixteen. On the day they play, you request a quote for that particular offer. That night, SDSU is eliminated. That’s okay! Because you requested the quote prior to their elimination, the offer will follow the quote up to sixty days after it is sent to you.

We can’t specifically divulge the actual promotions until next Monday, but if you have any other questions about Phoenix Moirai‘s March Madness promotion, please ask them in the comments section below.

Are you ready to play some ball and receive some tremendous savings in the process? Let’s go MAD!

Movie Mayhem – Focus

Movies about con men are always essentially cons themselves. It’s inevitable, as how can you follow someone gaming the system without trying your best to game the audience? The problem is, as the audience grows more aware of this trick, filmmakers need to work harder to up the ante for their personal version of the “long con” — that is, finding unique and fresh ways to hide their true intentions through misdirection and other types of cinematic slight-of-hand that lead to creating surprising twists that will not not only send the viewer for a loop, but make complete sense. If they fail to do so, the whole concept would fall apart and turn a decent movie into a disappointment faster than you can say Jar-Jar Binks. Good direction and strong performances also go a long way to misleading an audience, and with Focus, emotional strength elevates a weaker than average mind game.

Will Smith is charismatic and confident as Nicky, a third generation con man who, unlike a lot of characters in these types of movies, doesn’t work alone. That is to say, he doesn’t just have a partner or two he can trust to help him in the game. Nicky runs a full-fledged business with dozens of employees, most of whom are masters of distraction and experienced in playing shadow games to pinch money, jewelry and other expensive items from unsuspecting crowds. But whether thief or paperwork drone, each member of the crew is essential to a multimillion dollar business that helps Nicky linger in his own ego. So much so that he has no fear of ever getting caught and suffers with a slight gambling addiction — which is understandable, given that he gambles with his life on a daily basis. That’s all small potatoes, though, compared to the bigger cons that take elaborate setups to pull off, one of which spans the majority of the second half of the film, taking a major detour from the small, tight and better first half.

When we first meet Nicky, he’s eating alone at a restaurant when he’s approached by Jess (Margot Robbie), a stunning blond bombshell who asks him to pretend to be her boyfriend so as to escape a handsy lowlife at the bar. Nicky happily accepts the ruse, eventually escorting her back to her room where her jealous boyfriend breaks up the fun. Of course this is all a scam, and Nicky calls them out, supplying them tips on how to better perform in the future. This intrigues Jess enough to seek Nicky out again to learn the fine craft of thievery and cons from a true expert. In probably the best sequences of the film, Nicky teaches her the basics of lifting. The whole thing is a one well-played, perfectly choreographed dance of misdirection, chemistry and, of course, focus. Both Smith and Robbie radiate attraction as if it were going out of style. This scene sets up the overarching narrative of the film, which is watching a man so dedicated to his craft begin to lose his focus over a girl he has no right to fall for — at least in his own mind. It’s not a bad turn of events for a film like this, however, the way it’s dealt with turns lifeless rather quickly.

Directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa make it a point to keep the relationship between Nicky and Jess the main focus of the film, dropping little hints about where the story may be taking us within the realm of this forbidden passion. But once you’ve prepared an audience for a mind-twisting con, you had better deliver the goods, and Ficarra and Requa fail to do that. The first half of the film is electric and at times disturbing in the way it depicts the subtle ways these criminals steal your money. It spends a lot of time teaching us the ways of the con, and in one superb scene at a football game, combines all the elements together to create a brilliantly crafted sequence where it isn’t clear who is conning who, as Nicky and Jess continually raise the stakes in a gambling war with an Asian business tycoon. Had Ficarra and Requa remained in this pocket, maybe twisting their own con a bit to really hit the main through-line of the film (one involving the nickname Mellow, which Nicky’s father gave him when he was younger) into the stratosphere, they would have created one killer movie. But this scene is also where the film derails.

After Nicky leaves Jess behind (supposedly due to his fear of losing his focus), the film jumps ahead three years for no real reason but to set up events that seem entirely out of place in comparison. Nicky supposedly hasn’t worked much for three years, but is lured back into the game by Garriga (Rodrigo Santoro), an international Indy racer who wants Nicky to con his competitors into buying a fake duplicate of a engine modification device that he invented so that he would gain an edge over them. Nicky is ready to fire on all cylinders up until the point he finds out Garriga’s girlfriend is none other than Jess. This is where the mind starts racing, trying to connect this turn of events to the first half of the movie and piece together where the real con lies. Is this just a coincidence of circumstance, or is something much larger at play here? It’s a fun little game to actively seek out the hidden pieces and get a jump on the filmmakers’s ability to fool you in the end, however, by the time we reach the sour climax, none of the original setups pays off, and a couple of the explanations thrown out are flimsy at best.

That isn’t to say the pieces don’t eventually fall into place — they do. But considering all of the mesmerizing potential in the first half of the film, allowing us to pick out several clues that lead up to the big reveal (which I can honestly say, I didn’t see coming), Ficarra and Requa force twist upon twist to the point where I’m not sure they even know where they’re going with it. It’s a good example of how the slightest of tweaks can sour a film with the snap of a character’s motivation and leave us to ponder the irony of a film called Focus somehow managing to lose its very own focus.

My Grade: B+

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Next week, new movies include Chappie, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Unfinished Business. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Huge Promotional Sale Coming Soon to Phoenix Moirai

As you may or may not know, my design/writing/videography company, Phoenix Moirai, celebrated its first anniversary about a month ago, and I wanted to celebrate with all of my faithful followers, customers and friends. But I needed to raise the bar and do something really unique, and I wasn’t quite sure how to do that… until now.

On March 16, Phoenix Moirai is going mad – and will be doing so in correlation with a major event… more details will be coming on or around March 9, but until then, enjoy this video that hints at what this awesome promotional event will be focused around.

Movie Mayhem – McFarland, USA/The DUFF

No matter how much we may want to deny it, we all categorize, label and judge people, neighborhoods and entertainment based solely on appearance; doing so is simply human nature — a subconscious reaction based on past events and preconceptions formed through our interactions with others. A lot of people are capable of overcoming their prejudices and give someone or something the benefit of the doubt, however, when someone uses their biases as a latent survival instinct or to blatantly hurt someone else, whether physically or verbally, it can lead to dangerous consequences that more than likely will never be reversed. You really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, and two films, McFarland, USA and The DUFF, which on the surface are vastly different (causing many to judge them based on their labels), are actually very similar in how they deal with this very subject.

Based on the trailer alone, McFarland, USA is immediately labeled a feel-good Disney sports film — which it is. But more than that, it’s a carefully crafted study of how two societal groups traditionally separated by race, money and power perceive one another, and how those perceptions are based mostly in circumstance and upbringing. In other words, neither group is any better or worse than the other; in the end, we’re all human looking to become more than we are, no matter where that struggle might lead us.

The first act is full of snap judgments from both sides of the fence. After Jim White (Kevin Costner) is fired from his coaching job at an elite high school for throwing a shoe at a player (causing the cleat to cut the player’s face), he is forced to move his family to McFarland, California, a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood north of Bakersfield. At one point, Jim’s youngest daughter, Jamie (Elsie Fisher) asks if they’re in Mexico. When Jim takes the family to a restaurant on their first night there, he encounters a group of friends who by all appearances are nothing but a gang of thugs looking for trouble. The fear he and his family display is apparent as the incident ignites both his survival and protective instincts. They are out of their comfort zone and it’s understandably hard for them to see this community as anything but intimidating. On the other hand, the majority of the community only see a privileged white family encroaching on their structured society. Even the head coach of the football team can’t tolerate Jim’s “attitude” when he keeps a player from returning to the field during his first game.

It’s only when Jim decides to put together a team of cross-country runners and build them into a championship contender do both sides begin to respect the culture and upbringing of their respective cultures and come to realize how wrong they were about each other. Jim learns how to become a better father by putting together a quinceñera for his eldest daughter, Julie (Morgan Saylor) after forgetting her birthday, as well as a better man when he goes to work in the fields to help a couple members of his team harvest lettuce; his team, including the captain, Thomas Valles (Carlos Pratts), learn that if they truly want to succeed and break through the societal glass ceiling, they can’t let their current mentality (or their current situations) drag them down. As long as you strive to be better and are willing to work hard to get what you want, the sky’s the limit no matter who you are or where you come from.

The DUFF, on the other hand, is classified as your typical high school comedy, complete with references to past high-school movies (and scores of pop-culture references) and the required list of modern day labels. Like Mean Girls and She’s All That before it, The DUFF plays devil’s advocate when it comes to defining and examining these labels, turning its focus on how destructive they can be, and how someone can turn hateful speech and bullying into something much more positive.

Mae Whitman plays Bianca, an average girl in a sea of wanna-be reality stars and appearance-obsessed tools who learns early on that she is considered the DUFF among her two best friends (Bianca A. Santos and Skyler Samuels) — because no one has the urge to hook up with her, she becomes the approachable, easy to talk to gatekeeper between her friends and potential suitors. Before seeing the movie, it seemed odd that Whitman would be considered ugly or fat, since she really is neither, but as the film explains as quickly as it jumps on the #hastagbandwagon, the DUFF isn’t necessarily fat or ugly, and it isn’t relegated to the female persuasion. Every group, in fact, includes at least one odd-man out, who fits in for the sole purpose of “fitting in”.

This realization pushes Bianca to break away from this sordid designation and win over the guy of her dreams (Nick Eversman) just in time for prom. With the help of her long-time neighbor, Wesley (Robbie Amell), Bianca breaks away from her comfort zone in order to prove (to whom) that she deserves respect for being a smart, funny young woman who just happens to dress comfortably (as opposed to slutty) and likes to watch old movies instead of hang out at the mall. Everything about her attempts to rise above her designation were awkward but relateable, and only makes you feel closer to who she really is under the fake skin she tries to paint herself under.

But with every new step, there is one person looking to drag her back to her rightful place among the high school hierarchy, and that is Madison (Bella Thorne), a narcissist to the Nth degree who doesn’t like anyone challenging her position as queen bee of the garden. Keeping the weak in their place is her drug of choice and she’s willing to hurt anyone who gets in the way of her perceived happiness. But no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable or depressing her transition is, the lesson Bianca learns through Madison’s scornful acts — and the realization that not all things are what they seem — help her understand that labels are only masks people give others to make themselves feel better. This idea holds great weight for me, personally, and I like how they dealt with how labels shouldn’t ever become a designation of who you are; it doesn’t matter what other people may think, all that matters is staying true to yourself.

I do have to say, I felt I had to go to the dentist after watching these movies due to all of their sugary sweetness. Neither film spends a whole lot of time digging their heels into the more tragic aspects of their respective themes; even the darker, more dramatic moments are dealt with as if they were on a cloud of marshmallow watching the Care Bears sing “Happy”. But that’s just fine — they aren’t meant to be anything but lightly buttered feel-good entertainment. Both Costner and Whitman carry their respective films well and are quite capable of grounding the material in a reality we’re all too familiar with. In some ways, both McFarland, USA and The DUFF are the designated ugly fat friend to their more popular, “prettier” predecessors, but they still work because they know exactly who they are and don’t try to be anything but heartfelt lessons in life that every teen (and some adults) should really pay attention to.

My Grade (both films): A-

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Next week, new movies include The Lazarus Effect and Focus. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Chaos Movie Awards 2015

After all of the shilling, campaigning and hobnobbing throughout award season, it all comes down to this — the show so big, it needs two names. That’s right, it’s Oscar weekend — let the predictions begin. Last year, I predicted 6 out of the top 7 categories correctly, so I have a lot to live up to with this year’s crop, which aren’t quite as easy to predict as they were last year, seeing as how there have been a variety of winners across the various award shows, and this just may be the year that some of the dark horses decide to find their stride at the end of the race. Whatever the outcome, these are my thoughts on the top categories (including links to both full reviews and mini-reviews for the majority of films that I’ve seen) as well a few of my own special awards that don’t belong anywhere near the Academy.

Best Picture (Nominees – American Sniper, Birdman, Boyhood, The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Imitation Game, Selma, The Theory of Everything, Whiplash)

Who Will Win: Boyhood

For a long time, Boyhood relied heavily on its gimmick of filming small slice-of-life moments over the course of twelve years to raise its awareness. But as the award season has lingered on, Boyhood has found a strong hold on the top rung of the ladder, continually knocking the rest of its competition from rising above it, so you can expect it to remain there and prove that sometimes a unique perspective can, in fact, live and flourish in the world of cinema.

Who Should Win: Whiplash

My choice for best movie of the year, Whiplash showcased the very best way to make a film. Starting with a very strong script that used every word, action and scene to deliver an intense, rousing finale, the producers utilized every tool in the toolbox, from casting to direction, to bring that story to life with energy and spunk. It may have felt incredibly uneasy at times to watch, but when you truly want something, sometimes it takes someone to push you beyond your limits to find your true self.

Best Actor (Nominees – Steve Carell, Bradley Cooper, Benedict Cumberbatch, Michael Keaton, Eddie Redmayne)

Who Will and Should Win: Eddie Redmayne

Of the five nominees, Michael Keaton is the only person to play a character not based on an actual person (though it can be argued that he was playing a heightened version of himself), so it would be fun to see him win. However, with stiff competition from actors who gave their all to represent real-life innovators, heroes and, in the case of Carell, murderers, he’ll unfortunately be left to try again next year. That leaves four remaining nominees in a battle royal for the gold, though one stands out above all the rest — and that would be Redmayne, who brilliantly portrayed genius astrophysicist Stephen Hawking. Every part of Hawking’s disease-induced disintegration is beautifully captured by Redmayne, who showcases not only Hawking’s strength to keep living despite the affliction, but the torture he went through as his body gave up on him.

Best Actress (Nominees – Marion Cotillard, Felicity Jones, Julianne Moore, Rosamund Pike, Reese Witherspoon)

Who Will Win: Julianne Moore

I can’t speak for a couple of the women in this category, as I have yet to see Two Days, One NIght or Still Alice, but my gut tells me (based on what I’ve read and some of the previous awards) that this will be Julianne Moore’s award to lose.

Who Should Win: Felicity Jones

However, if I were to choose from only those performances I actually saw, I would have to go with Jones. Witherspoon and Pike were both very good in their respective roles, but I didn’t see much of anything I haven’t seen before. Jones, on the other hand, gave Redmayne something strong to play off of, and delivered a very heartfelt performance that also heightened the character’s love for a man that would soon be unable to reciprocate that love in the way she would ultimately need.

Best Supporting Actor (Nominees – Robert Duvall, Ethan Hawke, Edward Norton, Mark Ruffalo, J.K. Simmons)

Who Will and Should Win: J.K. Simmons

There is no doubt that J.K. Simmons will take home the gold in this category. No offense to the rest of the actors, but Simmons is in a league of his own when it comes to the intensity he delivered as a hard-nosed music professor who berates, ridicules, hurts and fiercely provokes his students to the point of blood and tears. Simmons has taken most of the awards (if not all) in this category thus far, and that run will end when he seals the deal with Oscar.

Best Supporting Actress (Nominees – Patricia Arquette, Laura Dern, Keira Knightley, Emma Stone, Meryl Streep)

Who Will Win: Patricia Arquette

From my perspective, this is probably the weakest category of the top group. All of the actresses are deserving of awards, and many of them have been nominated numerous times (I mean, it wouldn’t be the Academy Awards without a nomination for Meryl Streep now would it?). However, based on the films the nominees are up for, there isn’t a clear, strong performance among them, which means that my prediction for Arquette winning the grand prize is based solely on award buzz.

Who Should Win: Emma Stone

If it was based on actual performance, my ballot would be marked with Stone. I’ve never been a fan of Arquette (I never much saw the appeal, though I have enjoyed plenty of stuff she’s been in; Nightmare on Elm Street 3 is my favorite of the series, after all); Streep was good and it was fun to see her play a witch, but compared to everything else, it was a pretty typical performance; and both Dern and Knightley are stuck in low-key roles that add depth to the main character, but not much else. In the end, Stone is the only actress among the group that showed a power that was more than just skin deep.

Best Director (Nominees – Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Richard Linklater, Bennett Miller, Wes Anderson, Morten Tyldum)

Who Will Win: Richard Linklater

Because of his innovative approach to film making, Linklater has proven himself to be a rare breed — a filmmaker who takes risks without compromising his integrity by selling out to the highest bidder when those risks pay off. Though Boyhood may not have the most compelling narrative, and at times the acting wasn’t as strong as it could have been, Linklater deserves the award for not only thinking outside of the box, but for earning the respect of his actors and crew to the point they were willing to carve out time in their schedules for twelve years to make this happen. The film is far from being the most effective coming-of-age story, but it is a slice of life narrative that speaks truth while filming it in the most realistic way possible.

Who Should Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Iñárritu on the other hand, showed great technical skill as well as artistry while creating Birdman. By editing the film with several hidden cuts that make the entire thing feel as if it’s been filmed in one extensive shot (wherein most scenes are actually filmed that way), Iñárritu presents the struggle and the chaos in a very structured, smooth manner. It allows us to be there with these characters as if we were simply part of the production and showcases the talents of the actors in a way that other films hide with editing. To pull this off takes great skill, time and finesse, and Iñárritu makes it seem as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Best Animated Feature (Nominees – Big Hero Six, The Boxtrolls, How To Train Your Dragon 2, Song of the Sea, The Tale of the Princess Kaguya)

Who Will Win: Big Hero 6

Since its inception, Pixar and Dreamworks have all but dominated this category. This year, there is no Pixar movie to fend off and Dreamworks’s offering is a sequel (which might hinder it a bit even though it was one of the best animated features of the year), so look for Disney animation to finally take home the prize for Big Hero 6.

Who Should Win: The LEGO Movie

I know, The LEGO Movie isn’t even a nominee, but the Academy was stupid not to include it, especially when they nominated a much inferior film in The Boxtrolls. But, if I had to choose among the nominees, it would be How to Train Your Dragon 2 hands down, as the film had the best story, as well as unique animation that actually aged the characters as if it were a live action sequel. That alone should get them the prize.

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Best Drama Ensemble: Birdman

Birdman may not have been the best film overall this year, but when it comes to casting, this team clicked on every level. The emotion displayed individually is only heightened when coupled with one of the other actors, each of whom was in some way a tortured soul looking for a way to escape their lives to fulfill some deeply ingrained desire. Michael Keaton may have been the focus, but without the strength of Edward Norton, Naomi Watts and Emma Stone to support him, the lunacy of his antics may just very well have been an absurd nightmare.

Best Comedy Ensemble: Horrible Bosses 2

I know there’s a lot of people out there who can’t understand why this movie was ever made, however, in my warped view, I actually thought Horrible Bosses 2 was better than the original, and it’s all because of the cast, who return with such ease, their chemistry oozes with charisma. Jason Bateman, Jason Sudekis and Charlie Day deliver every line of banter so smoothly, newcomers Chris Pine and Christof Waltz are given enough room to to ease their way into the zaniness without struggle. And at no time do any of these actors feel superior to anyone else, allowing Kevin Spacey and Jennifer Aniston to once again steal the show in their very limited scenes. Overall, with everyone gelling so graciously together, it just works.

Best Child Performance:
From what I could tell, there wasn’t a whole lot of outstanding performances from kids last year, but I do have to highlight one performance in particular, and that is Dolphin Tale 2‘s Zuehlsdorff. It’s not that her performance was any better than any other child performance, per se, but rather it’s the growth within her performance that rises above the rest. In the original Dolphin Tale, she was a fun and light distraction from the more dramatic elements of the film. Her chemistry with star Nathan Gamble was good and she did what she needed to do. Here, though, she raises her game exponentially, giving an incredibly detailed performance in an otherwise laid back film where the acting isn’t as important as the the love these characters have for two dolphins that need each other to live, mirroring this loving friendship that knows no bounds.

Best Adult/Child Duo: Jason Bateman & Rohan Chand

There seemed to be quite a few films this year that dealt with the relationships between adults and children, including a father/son relationship in Chef, a step-mother/daughter relationship in Maleficent, and a neighborly friendship in St. Vincent. But it was the quasi-friendship in Bad Words that made you squirm just a little while cheering for this unorthodox pair to get past their need to win and form a lasting friendship. Jason Bateman plays a bitter, middle-aged man in a pursuit to win the national spelling bee championship, but if it wasn’t for Rohan Chand, the entire scenario would just seem weird and off-putting. Together, the two children find a bond with words, and in that bond, help each other become the men they need to be.

Weirdest, Strangest, Most Insane Concept For a Movie: Tusk

On paper it sounds incredibly horrible — a man literally turns another man into a walrus because the mating habits of the walrus are supposedly one of the most pure of all creatures. Yeah, that’ll play well. And I think in any other hands, it would have been the disaster it was doomed to be. But writer/director Kevin Smith somehow found a way to make the whole scenario weirdly compelling. With the help of Justin Long, who plays an utter douchebag turned walrus, Smith creates a film that is so wildly different that you just have to respect the risk he took to make it happen. Is it weird? Absolutely. Is it insane? No doubt. But like a twenty car pile-up on the freeway with dead, bloody bodies thrown every which way, once you get a glimpse, you just can’t turn away.

Movie Mayhem – Kingsman: The Secret Service

Movies about spies and secret intelligence agencies have been intriguing audiences for as long as there have been stories. They have evolved over the years, but there’s always been a strong, ageless core for which all spy stories latch onto. It starts with a strong hero — a brave man, usually stoic, suave and true (CHEER). This character knows right from wrong, usually stands for justice and purity and would never harm his integrity by doing anything remotely evil. His nemesis is more than likely a crazed lunatic with shifty eyes and a curled mustache (HISS) who wants nothing more than to mold the world into his very own cash-grab playground. In between them is the fair maiden, sometimes a damsel in distress, for whom the nemesis pines but is ultimately destined to fall for the hero, even if she’s only known him for mere hours. At some point, the nemesis will capture the hero and spend a few minutes to reveal all of his dastardly plans. Before running off to put this plan in motion, he will execute an extremely elaborate plan to kill the hero, who will no doubt escape in the nick of time to thwart the villain and save the maiden to live happily ever after. Kingsman: The Secret Service, as the film itself so rightly claims, is not that movie.

For starters, this is much more a hero’s journey than your typical spy caper, as the focus rests on Eggsy (Taron Egerton), a young street punk who spends more time getting into trouble (and having fun doing it, whether it’s a dust-up with the local hooligans or stealing a car and running it into a police cruiser) than he does with his mother (Samantha Womack) and her abusive step-father (Geoff Bell). Ultimately, he’s a tortured soul since losing his father years earlier during the war, and this is how he deals with that loss. What he doesn’t know is that his father was a member of a clandestine spy agency whose top agent, Galahad (Colin Firth), believes is primed to follow in his father’s footsteps. When one of their agents is killed, each of the remaining agents is assigned to bring in a potential nominee to fill his spot. The training that whittles the choices down to a single winner, and helps them evolve into a proper gentleman, is what lies at the heart of the film.

But it wouldn’t be a spy movie if these special secret agents didn’t have to deal with a pending global threat. I won’t reveal what the nefarious plot entails, all I’ll say is that at no point does anyone, including the nefarious mastermind, Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson), ever tell anyone else what’s actually going on. Every detail of Valentine’s plan is slowly parsed out in various ways over the course of the film. Some pieces of information are relayed through natural, ordinary dialogue between Valentine and his henchmen (or henchwoman, a seriously badass assassin played by Sofia Boutella), while others are discovered through research by Galahad and the lead training operative, Merlin (Mark Strong). Everything else we need to know is shown in well-placed plot developments.

But that’s about where the similarities to cookie-cutter spy movies end. Director Matthew Vaughn covers your expectations in whimsical butter, turning the genre on its head and spinning it out of control, only to structure it with the hand of a master painter. Vaughn (who also wrote the screenplay with Jane Goldman, based on the comic book, The Secret Service, by Mark Millar and Dave Gibbons) strikes a relatively unbalanced tone in the very beginning, where I wasn’t sure if it’s supposed to be serious or playful. However, as the movie went on, this tone matures into its own entity, a sort of sarcastic wink to the knowing love of films of yore mixed with a lightly serious undertone. By the last act, I had been absorbed into this fun dementia of highly-stylized action and gore that shoves the killing down your throat while keeping the blood, gore and guts to an absolute minimum. By the time Vaughn turns a massive genocide into a loving firework show, I bought the stylized sequence hook, line and sinker.

The most brilliant part of it all, though, is in the casting of Jackson as a villain with a lisp and a weak stomach. By itself, these character traits are nothing new, and under different management, may have been minimalized or distracting. But to have an actor like Jackson — known mostly for his tough exterior, foul mouth and gore craving machismo — portray what comes down to a McDonald’s loving techno nerd who’s afraid of both blood and violence is a stroke of genius. The way Jackson carries himself through this whole thing is like watching a kid having the time of his life on his first movie, bellowing out orders to people who are far superior and devising a plan that goes beyond ridiculous but stays true to our current culture and state of affairs. In conjunction with pitch perfect performances by Firth, Strong, and Michael Caine as Kingsman head honcho, Arthur, nothing that happens in this film is all that far-fetched, even when it’s entirely unbelievable.

Which, in the end, is what makes this movie so much fun. Vaughn plays on all types of action movie stereotypes that let you know he’s totally in on the joke, but at the same time, delivers a fresh spy thriller with some terrific and unexpected twists scattered throughout the second half of the movie. They become so abundant that at one point, I simply gave up trying to figure out what was going to happen and just went along for the ride because each new sharp turn fit so well into the scheme of not only the tone of the film, but to the plot. So much so that if some of the events didn’t happen, characters wouldn’t have developed as smoothly as they did — especially Eggsy, who needs every one of these twists to happen so that he can complete his hero’s journey in a manner that helps turn your typical spy story into a rousing seriocomedy that lives and breathes its own ego.

My Grade: A

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Next week, new movies include The DUFF, McFarland, USA, and Hot Tub Time Machine 2. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Write A Novel With Me On Hiatus

For all of you looking forward to reading the next chapter for Write A Novel With Me, I have some bad news. No, Write A Novel With Me is not ending by any means; I am having too much fun writing the story to have that happen. However, over the last couple of weeks, due to some other responsibilities (and some personal matters that needed attending to), I realized I have seriously been neglecting my other novel, Memoirs of Keladrayia. My initial plan to release the novel last summer was waylaid as I slowly built leads and contacts for my new business, Phoenix Moirai. And every time someone asked when the book would be coming out, I would usually give a two to three month time frame from the time the question was posed, no matter when it was asked or who asked it. Several weeks ago, I mentioned on Twitter that the third draft was nearing completion, and there it sat… unloved as I continued to push its priority to the back burner.

Well, no more.

From now until the book is ready for publication, I am going to be dedicating as much of my free time to finishing Memoirs of Keladrayia as I possibly can, which means I need to step away from Write A Novel With Me until I am able to complete Memoirs and get it published. I’m not sure when Write A Novel With Me will return just yet (it could be anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months), but don’t worry, I will give everyone ample time to reacquaint themselves with it before I release Chapter 10. Just consider Chapter 9 the unofficial season finale, which will pick back up sooner than you think.

Thanks to all of you who have participated so far in answering the questions and voting on where the story should go. Hopefully, all of you will be back with me when the story returns. But for now, it’s time for Memoirs of Keladryia to see the world…. and for the world to finally find out where Jaxxa Rakala is heading next.

Movie Mayhem – Seventh Son

Movies are an enigma. Some have the ability to captivate you from the first image or piece of dialogue; some take longer to find an audience, needing time to build a relationship with you; and still others are so far removed from being engaged, you can barely stay awake as you wonder what else you’d rather be doing than watching the train wreck in front of you. And previews aren’t necessarily an indication as to which category a film might fall. I’ve seen some dreadful previews for movies that turned out to be stellar pieces of cinema and vice-versa, so until you actually see the movie, you just never know. It’s one reason why I see so many movies, including Seventh Son, a film that by its trailer looked like it might be a dud, but one I hoped its cast would be able to save. Sadly, it acted more like an Ambien than a shot of adrenaline.

It wasn’t even a third of the way in when I had to ask myself how in the world the producers found a way to talk such stalwarts as Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore to star in this (not to mention how they acquired such visibly high production values and special effects budget) — and how I might be able to manufacture such a coup for my own films. It’s not the premise itself that’s bad (per se), it’s the amateurish writing (and I’m guessing the depressingly bad adaptation of Joseph Delaney’s novel, The Spook’s Apprentice, which I have not even heard of, let alone read) that sinks this ship before it even sets sail.

There’s something to say about exposition. Yes, when done poorly, it can feel forced and blatant, but when done well, its subtlety can mask its appearance. Whichever it might be, there at least has to be some exposition to create a coherent, believable world, especially when you’re creating that world from scratch. With Seventh Son, there are so many unanswered questions it felt as if I walked into the sequel to some movie that only existed in someone else’s head. Either that, or screenwriters Charles Leavitt and Steven Knight relied too heavily on everyone having read the book before seeing the movie and decided any amount of explanation wasn’t worthwhile.

The actor’s don’t help matters, either. Bridges has been a respected actor for several decades, having been nominated for over fifty awards (his first being for The Last Picture Show in 1972). In recent years, though, as old men tend to do, Bridges has grown quite ornery, and has infused all of his characters with this hardened, rough and gruff attitude, which in most cases isn’t a problem because he can still act circles around most of his co-stars, taking home his first Oscar in 2010 for his role in Crazy Heart. However, as Master Gregory, a “spook” whose sole purpose is to fight and extinguish dark entities — such as witches, ghouls and monsters — from the world, Bridges becomes a parody of the persona he himself created. He fumbles around like he’s tired of doing the same old schtick and doesn’t find any challenge in it anymore. Even when he tries to be interested, he just comes off as aloof and misguided, unsure of what’s going on around him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Moore does her best evil snake impression as Mother Malkin, Master Gregory’s main adversary, but other than juicing up the proceedings by going against type, her hand at pure evil does nothing to bring anything new or relevant to the table.

Then, of course, there’s Ben Barnes as Tom Ward, the seventh son of a seventh son (a significance that seems to be common knowledge of the people inside this world, but is never once explained to us muggles) who is destined to become the spook’s apprentice. Looking like the love child of Aaron Eckhart and Wes Bentley, Barnes goes along for the ride as best he can, displaying a mix of Eckhart’s fiery charm while staying as cold and calculating as Bentley. Yet, there is a major flaw in his character — for supposedly being “the one” who will eventually take over for Master Gregory, the one thing that makes him special above all other potential apprentices (two of which came and died before him) isn’t revealed until nearly the end of the second act, before which he’s given credit for killing the unkillable when he didn’t even have a hand in doing so, and endures training that’s basically non-existent, which makes it hard to believe that he could ever live up to his own hype. And when he does find out what makes him so special, he’s able to suddenly rise up and defeat his much more powerful adversaries. Then again, based on the climactic(?) battle sequence, dispatching the enemy didn’t need all that much training to begin with.

For the majority of the film, we’re led to believe that not only is Mother Malkin the most powerful creature to ever walk the land (okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but she sure struts her stuff as if she is), but that her cohorts in crime — a bevy of witchy shapeshifters — are just as powerful. (One of these is played by Djimon Hounsou, who was poised to become a tremendous actor but never found a solid consistency in choosing roles.) However, each one is dispatched with such ease, it’s hard to imagine how any of them could have lasted as long as they have. And given that Mother Malkin is weakened, not by any of our main characters, but by a completely separate side-story that has as much build-up as a sandcastle, we’re left with nothing to react to but lazy execution — which includes two supposed love stories that never quite hold up within the narrative.

The first belongs to Ward and Alice (Alicia Vikander), who acts as a spy to watch over Ward and Master Gregory so as to keep them from stopping Mother Malkin from doing whatever it is she’s planning once the red moon hits its pinnacle — a plot point that is horribly overlooked; how exactly are we supposed to care about her defeat unless we know exactly what she’s planning? Alice eventually falls for Ward, and though both Vikander and Barnes do their best impression of being in love, that’s all it ever really is. The same can be said for the underwhelming back story between Master Gregory and Mother Malkin, which eventually leads to the opening sequence of his trapping her in a hole for centuries. Their entire history is glossed over as if it doesn’t matter one iota to the story, never once allowing it to breathe any additional life into the characters. By the time the film reaches its climax, it feels as if the writers had forgotten the two even had any sort of personal history, much less a fully realized story with characters that would keep us all entertained (and awake) for even five minutes.

My Grade: D

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Next week, new movies include Fifty Shades of Grey, and Kingsman: The Secret Service. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Movie Mayhem – The Loft

Red Herring’s (or, by definition, something, especially a clue, that is or is intended to be misleading or distracting) are a key component to any whodunit. When used well, they keep you guessing as you feverishly try to put the pieces together before the big reveal, which blows your mind because you never saw it coming even though the pieces were there. When done poorly, you either see the reveal coming a mile away, or the last act is a muddled, incomprehensible mess that makes everything that came before it completely pointless rather than gleeful trickery. The Loft relies heavily on red herrings to keep its narrative momentum moving, and though the end might come off a bit unsatisfying, none of them are wasted as the film stays mostly true to the characters its established.

Based on director Erik Van Looy’s own Belgium film, Loft, the American remake follows the events in the lives of five friends over a one-year period that ends in the death of a young woman. Leading the mostly stellar cast is Karl Urban as Vincent Stevens, the cocky, almost narcissistic ringleader behind the purchase of a penthouse apartment that will act as a haven for any “extracurricular activities” he and his buddies may want to keep secret from their respective wives. On the opposite side of the spectrum is James Marsden as Chris Vanowen, the last of the group to accept one of only five keys to the apartment due to his monogamous nature. Only when he meets the vixenous prostitute, Anne Morris (Rachael Taylor) does he succumb to his inner beast. His half brother, Philip Trauner (Matthias Schoenaerts, reprising his role from the original) is a psychotic cocaine-addict who treats women like they’re candy he pops from a Pez dispenser — except his little sister, Zoe (Dora Madison Burge), who he’ll kill any man over if they look at her the wrong way. His opposite comes in the form of Luke Seacord (Wentworth Miller), the quiet, possibly gay loner who takes a key, but never once uses it for any means other than a getaway from life itself. Rounding out the quintet is Eric Stonestreet, completely miscast as a callous lush. I’m not sure if it’s because of his flamboyant portrayal as Cam on Modern Family, but not once did I buy him as a brazen cad. Watching the five of them together, I kept thinking, “one of these things just isn’t the same.”

The biggest hurdle this film faces right from the jump is making these characters in any way likeable. After all, the premise needs them to be wretched filth for it to work. These are not people you would ever aspire to be, yet the film needs them to be someone you might want to go grab a beer with at the end of a long, hard day. And somehow, it manages to do just that — turn despicable men into charming rascals. Each actor (especially Karl Urban, who is already a master at it) add their own level of charisma that elevates them beyond simply deceitful liars and cheats. At the same time, the film doesn’t gloss over the plight of the wives who are being lied to and cheated on. For the most part, they aren’t your typical blind victims. They each know something is wrong, that their men are keeping secrets, but they don’t want to believe it, and try hard to give them the benefit of the doubt for as long as they possibly can before accusing the men they love of such disgraceful acts of betrayal. You are able to empathize with them so that when the men reach their eventual comeuppance, each are natural progressions in their relationships. On top of that, each of the ladies (and that includes the handful of mistresses) all have a distinct purpose, all of which are executed quite nicely (except for maybe Vincent’s wife, who’s storyline ends rather abruptly with no real closure).

But the movie isn’t just about these guys and their relationships; it’s about the mystery surrounding a woman found in a pool of blood on their adultery bed, handcuffed to the headboard that displays an ominous message in Latin. The alarm is off and the door was locked, so the only suspect possible is one of their own (or so Van Looy wants you to believe). At first, the film feels extremely clunky as it bounces between three different story threads: the police station where the men are being interrogated about the murder; the hour or so inside the loft as the guys try to figure out the who, what and why of the murder before figuring out what to do about it; and the events leading up to the murder over the past year. In a way, it doesn’t feel as if Van Looy knows how to handle all of the story lines in a coherent, fluid way, and some of his choices in cinematography and camera position are either too artsy for something like this, or too stock and boring. But once you get used to the bouncing narrative, it becomes much easier to follow (and much less distracting), allowing the pace and flow to fall into place like the pieces of the puzzle Van Looy is building.

Occasionally, though, the calculated reveals came off a bit jarring. Whether it be a missing key, a tryst gone wrong, exposing blackmail, or the declaration of several other devious misdeeds, the placement of these reveals is what matters, and at times they felt added for the sole purpose of pushing the plot forward rather then allowing them to be natural extensions of it. But in the end, they are all necessary to add intrigue to the mystery surrounding this woman’s death, even when the final reveal of what happened is over the top and forces one of the characters to go completely against the traits Van Looy set up in the very beginning.

With the delay in the film, the lack of any substantial marketing, the fact of it being a remake of a foreign film, and simply because of the overall premise, I was ready to thoroughly hate this movie. But with a final climactic twist (where we find out who it was that fell on top of a car in the opening shot) that turns the tables on everything that came before it, but remains faithful and respectful of it, The Loft makes for a worthwhile late night cable viewing on an otherwise sleepless night.

My Grade: B+

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Next week, new movies include The Seventh Son, Jupiter Ascending, and Spongebob: Sponge Out of Water. If you would like to see a review of one of these, or any other film out next week, please respond in the comments below.

Recognizing My Inspiration

This is a bit late, I know, but I only recently received the picture!

As I’ve mentioned on several accounts, my young adult novel, In the Light of the Eclipse, was inspired by five individuals who challenged me to write a novel. I usually see them every Christmas, so I was going to give them all a signed copy of my book in 2013, however, due to some family issues, our normal Christmas Eve party was canceled and I was unable to see them all. (My niece and nephew did get theirs, though). So this past Christmas, I was delighted to be able to finally give the other three young ladies their copies, and they were just as excited to start reading.

3/5 of the inspiration for my young adult novel, In the Light of the Eclipse.