Travis Hellstrom's Blog, page 2
November 9, 2016
Simple Ways to Deal with Overwhelm
Sometimes stress comes in the form of this stress scale. But other times what's overwhelming us isn't on the list. The great recession, brexit and an election for instance.
Even still, I do find the list helpful. Every year I see something big on the list pop up in my life.
Some stress is so big that it comes with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sometimes privately, sometimes publicly.
I feel like I've been going through several stages in the last 24 hours. Maybe you have too.
When I start feeling overwhelmed, I have to admit, I don't always react in healthy ways.
I often:
Check Facebook and scroll endlesslyType terms into Google and read news article after news articleTry to find cute animal photos or videosFeel like just going back to bedSpiral back to Facebook... you get the idea
Then there are other things I do, which seem to work better in the long run.
In case they are helpful to you, I wanted to share them here.
Some of my healthier reactions have been:
Taking a moment to breatheGiving space to those around me and being gentle with themWriting a thank you email to someone I appreciateGiving a small gift to someone elseBuying something small for myselfBeing vocal about the things I appreciate in my lifeMeditating for one minuteThinking about how I can help othersTelling my partner how much I love herListening to some of my favorite musicFilling the bird feederGiving a close friend a call to just talkWriting down ideas to help those I care about
These are just a couple simple ideas. They won't fix everything or help me eliminate stress from my life, but in a simple way they help me start dealing with overwhelm.
I can feel them helping me today and I hope they can be helpful for you too.
August 16, 2016
The Art of Delegating
Most of us are overwhelmed.
To help with that overwhelm you may have heard a secret word whispered in leadership seminars or in bestselling books… delegation.
I have been delegating tasks like transcription, design, editing, research, copywriting and much more for over two years now. I’m no expert, but I’ve learned things that might be helpful for you.
That’s why I created this short guide called The Art of Delegation. In fact, I even delegated the design of it using something you will read about called The $5 Delegation Experiment.
If I can help you save even 30 minutes this week with some of these suggestions, then reading this brief guide would have been worth it.
Click this link below to download the guide for free and give it a shot!
August 10, 2016
The Joy of Cancelling Things
An adventurous Peace Corps friend of mine named Matt loves to say “Livin’ the dream man!”
Sometimes he’s talking about himself and sometimes he’s talking about me.
I love that he says it. It reminds me that we all have that opportunity: to live the dream.
More specifically, we all get to live our dream. There is no “dream” that we all share, it’s a very personal thing.
My dream involves having a lot of time alone and with my wife. I love being in the woods, writing a lot, reading a lot, and sharing what I am learning with others. I love one-on-one conversations like when I am coaching or working with entrepreneurs or amazing leaders. I also love meditating, being mindful and having time to myself so I can think and reflect. Living the dream for me involves living in a small town where I can sit outside on the porch, walk across the front yard and jump into a swimming hole, or lay in a hammock between the trees listening to the creek in my backyard. It involves working out of my home office, but connecting to people around the world in Mongolia, California, Vermont and New York.
And living the dream for me didn’t happen all at once. Quite the opposite. It’s been slow and steady, like a long game of cards where you have many chances to trade in your hand and try new cards. I’ve traded in and traded up from good projects to better projects, from enough income to better income, and from good situations to great situations. I try to focus on being grateful and doing the best I can with what life has put in front of me.
As Neil talks about in his new book The Happiness Equation: Want Nothing + Do Anything = Have Everything, the more I focus on wanting less and doing a wonderful job at what is in front of me, the more I am surrounded by wonderful opportunities and great people.
I also have learned that “living the dream” involves way more subtraction than addition.
It involves me looking at my schedule and going through a simple exercise…
Every time I have an event scheduled on my calendar that day, I ask myself this question:
If this event was cancelled, would I be excited about it?
You might be able to relate to this. Have you ever had someone cancel a meeting at the last minute, or a conference call, a dinner or some other obligation and then you thought, “Wow, perfect! I didn’t really want to go anyway.”
I call this The Joy of Cancelling.
I’ve definitely had periods in my life where I had a couple of those even in a single day! My day was full of things I secretly wished would be cancelled.
I know there are plenty of things we “have to do” and we don’t feel in control of those. But I started to question that.
I started to see that everything I “had to do” was actually a choice. They weren’t so much “have to’s” as they were “get to’s.”
I choose to have a cell phone, so I get to pay for it.
I choose to live in a nice place, so I get to pay the rent.
I choose to do work and interact with people, so I get to have a schedule.
And so on.
I also get to subtract things if I choose. There are consequences sure, but they are manageable.
The more I cut, the more surprised I’ve become. Nothing has been the end of the world. Things keep moving along. And the Joy of Cancelling has slowly become the Joy of Freedom.
Now, after having done this a while, when something gets cancelled I often think, “Aw, that’s too bad. Well, I’ll just have to reschedule that.”
Whether it’s a meeting, a conference call, a dinner or something else, now they are often things I am leading and loving. I feel lucky to work with the people I do and I try, more and more, to fill my days with things I really enjoy.
I think that’s how living the dream works. The dream is a day full of doing things you love with people you care about. The dream is a life where you don’t want things cancelled. Your days are full. Your life is full. And in my case, it’s a simple and happy life doing work you love surrounded by people you love.
Whatever it may be for you, I hope you are able to think about what “Living the Dream” means for you. I wish you all the luck in pursuing it and making it happen.
July 26, 2016
Dalai Lama Book of Quotes
I’m excited to announce that my newest book The Dalai Lama Book of Quotes was just released today!
The book features my very favorite quotes from His Holiness collected over 15 years. It’s also meant to be a fun companion to Questions for The Dalai Lama which was released in 2014.
My publisher just told me this morning that we hit #1 on Amazon in its category, which is very exciting. You can find it on Amazon here and I hope you enjoy it!
July 21, 2016
The Art of Worrying Less
I can be a worrier.
When I worry my mind isn’t in the present. Instead I’m in the past somewhere, or I’m in the future.
It’s not too fun. In fact, it’s pretty annoying. Worrying feels a lot like biting your nails, which I know a little bit about.
Here are something things worrying and nailbiting have in common:
Easy to do when you’re anxious
Easy to do when you’re nervous
Easy to learn from others
Feels a little comforting and productive
Actually counterproductive
Bad for your health
Tied to stress
It hurts and feels bad
Yeesh. Why do it!
Well, like any bad habit, it’s easy to get addicted to it. You might not even know you’re doing it.
Luckily, it’s possible to stop.
It took me over 20 years to stop biting my nails. And though I’m not perfect, I’ve figured out some things that might help. And these same things that help you stop biting your nails can also help with worry too.
1. Notice The Problem
It wasn’t easy for me to even notice when I was biting my nails. I would do it when I watched a movie, or read a book, or was talking on the phone. I might do it when I was driving, or thinking.
Worrying is like this too. Our brains can go crazy and we aren’t in control at all. The “crazy monkey brain” is swinging from branch to branch without rhyme or reason. First, just notice it. Don’t worry about doing anything yet, just be aware of when it happens.
2. Get Around The Shame
People are pretty good at pointing out others’ bad habits. I’ve had people tell me nailbiting is annoying, bad, disgusting, dangerous, or ugly. That’s all true and I didn’t disagree. I just couldn’t stop and now I felt even worse about it!
Shame around worrying might not be like this, but it’s out there. We might want to stop, but feeling bad aboutit doesn’t help. Instead of shaming…
3. Be Compassionate With Yourself
This is the big reason why I didn’t stop biting my nails until my late-20s. I wasn’t compassionate with myself. I’m driven. I demand a lot of myself. I’m sure there are all kinds of deep reasons why, but suffice it to say I just do. So the idea that nailbiting was something wrong with me fit with my “be hard of myself and be better!” mentality. Shame and perfectionism are close friends.
Worrying can be like this too. We are hard on ourselves and expect that we should know everything and plan for every scenario. This doesn’t make any sense. It’s perfectionism and fortune-telling mixed together. We can’t know what’s going to happen.
To run a self-compassion test ask this: would you treat someone the way you are treating yourself?
In my case the answer is a big “No way!” I am much easier on other people. I don’t demanding crazy things from them or ask them to tell the future. I am appreciative, give them a break and just ask them to do their best with whatever happens.
Being compassionate with yourself is hard, but it’s also simple. Focus on love and appreciation first. When you (1) notice and (2) get around the shame, take a breath and (3) think about compassion.
4. Have a Mindful Moment
I’ve found mindfulness to be helpful in my life. It’s actually pretty difficult for me to describe how unbelievable its affect has been on me.
Mindfulness is about watching your mind. Not judging it or turning it off, just watching. As the crazy monkey mind swings from branch to branch, you see it and then return to your breath. You return to the present moment.
Even if you do this for a moment, it can have a tremendous affect. String a couple of these moments together and now you’re on to something! I’ve never wanted to bite my nails or spend an extra moment worrying when I get to this mindful place. It’s a calm and quiet that can be a sanctuary away from all that. And it’s a great place to come to with self-compassion.
5. Be Present
Now as wonderful as mindfulness is, the world also comes knocking on our door. People ask things of us. Situations come up. Bills need to be paid. That’s okay and we can be present for that, but nailbiting and worrying don’t have to come too.
Being present means allowing life to happen around us and choosing how we want to engage with life. We don’t wait and worry about what’s coming. And we don’t overthink the past and second guess everything that’s happened. We breathe. We pay attention to what’s around us. We sit in appreciation and we choose to engage where it feels good and right.
6. Be Around Positive People
All this doesn’t happen overnight, nor do we live on an island all alone. We learn worrying and nailbiting from others and we can also learn to move past them with others’ help as well. For instance, even if we haven’t met in person, I hope this article has helpful to you. I also hope you can find positive and support people to be around as well.
My nailbiting turned a corner when I met my wife. She was one of the first people who didn’t judge me or shame me for doing it. In fact she didn’t mention it for a long time. I brought it up months after we had met and told her I wished I could stop. She listened, she cared and she asked if she could help. I didn’t want her to slap me on the wrist when she saw me doing it, or yell at me, or anything like that. I’ve had plenty of people do all those things. I wanted her to listen. And I told her I wasn’t sure how she could help, I would think about it. So I did.
She also asked me why I did it. I think people had asked me this before, but she asked it in a way I can’t remember ever hearing before. She was curious and interested. It was fascinating to her. She brought awareness without shame, compassion, mindfulness, presence and genuine curiosity.
For the first time, I thought about it in a new way. I realized one of the big reasons I bit my nails was that I wanted to keep them clean. As weird as that might sound. I had never learned how to take care of them in a healthy way. So I asked her if she could help me. She said yes.
That started changing everything.
7. Enjoy a New Healthy Habit
Together we began on the path to taking better care of my nails. I got the right tools, tried things out, and always had a nail file or clippers somewhere nearby. It became easier to do the healthy new habit than to bite them. And it felt way better and looked better too. And if I was driving and I couldn’t do it myself, Tunga helps me out.
I also try to have a pen and paper around too. I’ve noticed sometimes I just have an idea in my head and I want to get it out. Writing it down helps it not get stuck in my mind and cause me to want to bite my nails instead.
There is a lot of overlap here with worry too. Sometimes when I am worried, I take out a pen and paper and write a list called “Things on My Mind.” I’ve had these numbered lists be up to 192 things long. I know this is crazy, but I guess it goes to show how endless our minds are.
Instead of worrying and nailbiting, I’ve found several healthy alternatives. These include: meditation, writing, hiking, taking a walk, reading and playing outside.
I know changing any bad habit is challenging, but I hope this process can be helpful for you:
Notice The Problem
Get Around The Shame
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Have a Mindful Moment
Be Present
Be Around Positive People
Enjoy a New Healthy Habit
Good luck!
The Art of Worrying Less
I can be a worrier.
When I worry my mind isn’t in the present. Instead I’m in the past somewhere, or I’m in the future.
It’s not too fun. In fact, it’s pretty annoying. Worrying feels a lot like biting your nails, which I know a little bit about.
Here are some things worrying and nailbiting have in common:
Easy to do when you’re anxious
Easy to do when you’re nervous
Easy to learn from others
Feels a little comforting and productive
Actually counterproductive
Bad for your health
Tied to stress
It hurts and feels bad
Yeesh. Why do it!
Well, like any bad habit, it’s easy to get addicted to it. You might not even know you’re doing it.
Luckily, it’s possible to stop.
It took me over 20 years to stop biting my nails. And though I’m not perfect, I’ve figured out some things that might help. And these same things that help you stop biting your nails can also help with worry too.
1. Notice The Problem
It wasn’t easy for me to even notice when I was biting my nails. I would do it when I watched a movie, or read a book, or was talking on the phone. I might do it when I was driving, or thinking.
Worrying is like this too. Our brains can go crazy and we aren’t in control at all. The “crazy monkey brain” is swinging from branch to branch without rhyme or reason. First, just notice it. Don’t worry about doing anything yet, just be aware of when it happens.
2. Get Around The Shame
People are pretty good at pointing out others’ bad habits. I’ve had people tell me nailbiting is annoying, bad, disgusting, dangerous, or ugly. That’s all true and I didn’t disagree. I just couldn’t stop and now I felt even worse about it!
Shame around worrying might not be like this, but it’s out there. We might want to stop, but feeling bad about it doesn’t help. Instead of shaming...
3. Be Compassionate With Yourself
This is the big reason why I didn’t stop biting my nails until my late-20s. I wasn’t compassionate with myself. I’m driven. I demand a lot of myself. I’m sure there are all kinds of deep reasons why, but suffice it to say I just do. So the idea that nailbiting was something wrong with me fit with my “be hard on myself and be better!” mentality. Shame and perfectionism are close friends.
Worrying can be like this too. We are hard on ourselves and expect that we should know everything and plan for every scenario. This doesn’t make any sense. It’s perfectionism and fortune-telling mixed together. We can’t know what’s going to happen.
To run a self-compassion test ask this: would you treat someone the way you are treating yourself?
In my case the answer is a big “No way!” I am much easier on other people. I don't demand crazy things from them or ask them to tell the future. I am appreciative, give them a break and just ask them to do their best with whatever happens.
Being compassionate with yourself is hard, but it’s also simple. Focus on love and appreciation first. When you (1) notice and (2) get around the shame, take a breath and (3) think about compassion.
4. Have a Mindful Moment
I’ve found mindfulness to be helpful in my life. It’s actually pretty difficult for me to describe how unbelievable its affect has been on me.
Mindfulness is about watching your mind. Not judging it or turning it off, just watching. As the crazy monkey mind swings from branch to branch, you see it and then return to your breath. You return to the present moment.
Even if you do this for a moment, it can have a tremendous affect. String a couple of these moments together and now you’re on to something! I’ve never wanted to bite my nails or spend an extra moment worrying when I get to this mindful place. It’s a calm and quiet that can be a sanctuary away from all that. And it’s a great place to come to with self-compassion.
5. Be Present
Now as wonderful as mindfulness is, the world also comes knocking on our door. People ask things of us. Situations come up. Bills need to be paid. That’s okay and we can be present for that, but nailbiting and worrying don’t have to come too.
Being present means allowing life to happen around us and choosing how we want to engage with life. We don’t wait and worry about what’s coming. And we don't overthink the past and second guess everything that’s happened. We breathe. We pay attention to what’s around us. We sit in appreciation and we choose to engage where it feels good and right.
6. Be Around Positive People
All this doesn’t happen overnight, nor do we live on an island all alone. We learn worrying and nailbiting from others and we can also learn to move past them with others’ help as well. For instance, even if we haven't met in person, I hope this article is helpful to you. I also hope you can find positive and supportive people to be around as well.
My nailbiting turned a corner when I met my wife. She was one of the first people who didn’t judge me or shame me for doing it. In fact she didn’t mention it for a long time. I brought it up months after we had met and told her I wished I could stop. She listened, she cared and she asked if she could help. I didn’t want her to slap me on the wrist when she saw me doing it, or yell at me, or anything like that. I’ve had plenty of people do all those things. I wanted her to listen. And I told her I wasn’t sure how she could help, I would think about it. So I did.
She also asked me why I did it. I think people had asked me this before, but she asked it in a way I can’t remember ever hearing before. She was curious and interested. It was fascinating to her. She brought awareness without shame, compassion, mindfulness, presence and genuine curiosity.
For the first time, I thought about it in a new way. I realized one of the big reasons I bit my nails was that I wanted to keep them clean. As weird as that might sound. I had never learned how to take care of them in a healthy way. So I asked her if she could help me. She said yes.
That started changing everything.
7. Enjoy a New Healthy Habit
Together we began on the path to taking better care of my nails. I got the right tools, tried things out, and always had a nail file or clippers somewhere nearby. It became easier to do the healthy new habit than to bite them. And it felt way better and looked better too. And if I was driving and I couldn't do it myself, Tunga helps me out.
I also try to have a pen and paper around too. I’ve noticed sometimes I just have an idea in my head and I want to get it out. Writing it down helps it not get stuck in my mind and cause me to want to bite my nails instead.
There is a lot of overlap here with worry too. Sometimes when I am worried, I take out a pen and paper and write a list called “Things on My Mind.” I’ve had these numbered lists be up to 192 things long. I know this is crazy, but I guess it goes to show how endless our minds are.
Instead of worrying and nailbiting, I've found several healthy alternatives. These include: meditation, writing, hiking, taking a walk, reading and playing outside.
I know changing any bad habit is challenging, but I hope this process can be helpful for you:
Notice The Problem
Get Around The Shame
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Have a Mindful Moment
Be Present
Be Around Positive People
Enjoy a New Healthy Habit
Good luck!
February 11, 2016
52 Fun Date Night Ideas
One idea I’ve adopted this year from a great guy and entrepreneurial friend of mine named Evan is a going on a weekly date night. At first I was hesitant (for no good reason), but the more I thought about it the more excited I got.
It’s actually pretty simple. My wife Tunga and I found a jar (an old candle jar) and filled it with lots of fun date night ideas. And every week we pick one and then do it. That’s it.
When I wrote 52 Questions for a Better Relationship, I included some of the ideas we picked and added quite a few more so you could make your own date night jar too if you wanted too. Here is the list:
52 Fun Date Night Ideas
Plan a picnic
Take a mini road trip
Go snowshoeing
Dinner and a movie
Drive-in movie
Go bowling
Play a kids game
Walk to dinner
Go apple picking
Stargaze
Take the scenic route home
Visit farmer’s market
Sign up for a race
Go to a sports game
Visit a plant nursery
Go kayaking
Make a bucket list
Attend book reading
Give DIY massages
Play outdoor sport
Plan a long sleep in
Explore a winery
Wander a bookstore
Play with puppies
Take a surprise trip
Sleep by fireplace
Find a local swimming hole
Go pottery painting
Go thrift shopping
Go on dinner cruise
Take a brewery tour
Discover a museum
Act like a tourist
Visit a flea market
Have a game night
Go to the opera
Visit a gourmet grocery store
Go on a hike
Go to a dinner party
Visit a coffee shop
Go to a county fair
Take a new class
Learn a new dance
Go to a trivia night
Host a fondue night
Volunteer together
Try a fitness class
Head to the spa
Get extra sex ed
Morning matinee
Find an art gallery
Drive without a destination
This is #5 in my occasionally romantic series 100 Awesome Things for Entrepreneurs where I remember little awesome reasons why I love being an entrepreneur.
January 18, 2016
Why You Deserve to Be Around Energy Givers
There are certain people out there who are givers: they give energy, love, support and excitement to those around them.
They are generous and sweet, fun and exciting, and (not too surprisingly) people love being near them.
You deserve to be around those people.
But how?
The price of being around people like that is that you need to be a giver too.
Think about who you know that meets that description: they give you energy, love, support and excitement. You love just being around them.
Now think about what you could give to them. For instance, could you maybe…
Send them a compliment
A nice thank you email
An actual thank you note
A book they might like
A small package in the mail
Take them out to coffee
Buy them lunch or
Take them on a hike
I have done every single one of those things at least once in the last month and it’s always worked out great.
You may have noticed they are listed in increasing complexity and price. Pick one that feels comfortable for you right now and try it out on someone special. I promise something amazing will happen.
This is #80 in my energetic series 100 Awesome Things for Entrepreneurs where I remember little awesome reasons why I love being an entrepreneur.
Why You Deserve to Be Around Energy Givers
There are certain people out there who are givers: they give energy, love, support and excitement to those around them.
They are generous and sweet, fun and exciting, and (not too surprisingly) people love being near them.
You deserve to be around those people.
But how?
The price of being around people like that is that you need to be a giver too.
Think about who you know that meets that description: they give you energy, love, support and excitement. You love just being around them.
Now think about what you could give to them. For instance, could you maybe...
Send them a compliment
A nice thank you email
An actual thank you note
A book they might like
A small package in the mail
Take them out to coffee
Buy them lunch or
Take them on a hike
I have done every single one of those things at least once in the last month and it’s always worked out great.
You may have noticed they are listed in increasing complexity and price. Pick one that feels comfortable for you right now and try it out on someone special. I promise something amazing will happen.
This is #80 in my energetic series 100 Awesome Things for Entrepreneurs where I remember little awesome reasons why I love being an entrepreneur.
December 5, 2015
Five Reasons to Be Appreciative
There are so many reasons to be grateful.
Here are a few of my favorites:
All the great people who have helped you get to where you are
You’re alive and breathing and full of wonderful ideas
There are amazing people all around that you get to meet
Inspirations are just a click away
You can close your eyes, breathe, and remember you are enough
Entrepreneurs I know love being appreciative and showing it.
You can do that with something as simple as a note or a card. You can make a phone call or take someone out for tea. Stop in for a quick visit. Plan a fun event together. Take them on a drive somewhere new. Send them a little gift. Give them a hug. Tell them how much they mean to you.
No one is thanked enough for the great things they do.
Be one of those thankful people and tell everyone around you what you appreciate about them.
This is #65 in the thankful series 100 Things Entrepreneurs Love where I remember little awesome reasons why I love being an entrepreneur.
