Travis Hellstrom's Blog

Mary Oliver

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

— Mary Oliver

I had the pleasure of being introduced to the poet Mary Oliver by my dear friend Kelsa. She gifted me the book Dog Songs in honor of our new puppy Bodhi and that’s how I began to fall in love with Mary’s poetry.

If you are looking for an inspiring, simple and kind poet I invite you to explore Mary’s work.

Here are some examples you may love:

The Journey


The Summer Day


Mary's Poetry
 

“When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.”

— Mary Oliver


Rare Interview with Maria Shriver
 Inspiring Optimists

Beyond Resolutions

Creating a Theme for Your Year

Oh, the new year approaches.

If you're seeing more calendars, planners and new year’s resolutions, you're not alone. There is a big productivity industry driving all kinds of ideas your way.

Do more. Have more. Be more, And 20% off our new planner!

Planning can be fun and productivity has its place. But if you're feeling overwhelmed, I want to help. I have an alternative you might enjoy.

But first I should come clean.

A Love of Planning

Before I tell you about an alternative to planning (and a book I love), you should know something. For about ten years, I brought a planner with me everywhere.

Anyone who knew me in middle school or high school knew I loved my planner. I started simple but as the years went on I got more ambitious and the planners became more intricate. They started harmless but grew to days planned in 15-minute increments. With stickers.

Then the Palm Pilot came out and you would have thought I died and went to heaven.

In college that little stylus helped me go to a whole other level. I did yearly reviews, I had Outlook and color-coded time boxes. It was a hobby for me. I was crazy about it.

Normal people went to... the mall? I don't know. I went to office supply stores. Office Depot. Staples. Office Max. I loved them all because they had planner sections, leather bags and yearly calendars.

And then my life took a turn.

It was the summer before my senior year of college. I was living in Costa Rica and I had a wonderful host family. During the week I volunteered in the national children's hospital and in my downtime I... planned, of course. I'd been preparing for a life as a medical school student and a doctor. I'd taken the MCAT (the med school test), completed all my classes, shadowed doctors for hundreds of hours, gotten nursing and EMT certifications and volunteered... a lot. The planner was smokin' hot.

And I brought a book with me. I can't tell you where or how I found the book. But in my free time I would read it and I loved it.

I won't say the book changed my life, but it helped. I loosened up, relaxed on the planning and explored new paths that led me to Peace Corps. And that changed my life forever.

The book was Goal Free Living.

A Theme for Your Year

Goal Free Living has many wonderful ideas in it and I want to share one with you today. It's called a Theme for the Year. To hear more of the wonderful ideas from the book, see my interview with the author here. Stephen is great.

The idea is simple.

Instead of new year's resolutions, choose a theme you'd like to focus on this year. It could be a word, an idea, a value, or a principle. It could be a direction you want to go, something you want to reflect on, or a feeling you want to embody during the year. I've been doing this for 12 years now and you can see my themes here.

You can keep your theme private or share it with others. I didn't share my themes for years.

You might consider putting your theme up somewhere for you to remember. Like on the fridge, in your office, or on your computer or phone background. You can use it in your passwords, put it on your planner, or carry a token with you that reminds you of your theme. It's all up to you.

Whatever you do, you dedicate yourself to exploring that theme all year and then you see where it takes you.

It seems pretty simple, and it is. But I've found it quite liberating and life-changing.

You might too.

A Little More

If you'd like more resources, you're in luck. I've made a few videos and worksheets to complement the book and my interview with the author. You can find them here.

I hope you enjoy them!

Have a great, new year!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People is by Dale Carnegie is one of the best-selling books of all time. It has been featured in Time Magazine's list of most influential books and (fun anecdote) Warren Buffett took the Dale Carnegie course "How to Win Friends and Influence People" when he was 20 years old, and to this day has the diploma in his office. 

I'm a huge fan of the book and have re-read it several times in my life. Here I wanted to share a brief overview of the book. If you'd like to learn more, check out my workshop for it in my Optimist Program.

Here are the four major sections of the book, the key elements and a brief description of each.

 

 

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

 

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. Human nature does not like to admit fault. When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become defensive and resent their critic. To handle people well, we must never criticize, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire.Give honest and sincere appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in the world. People will rarely work at their maximum potential under criticism, but honest appreciation brings out their best. Appreciation, though, is not simple flattery, it must be sincere, meaningful and with love.Arouse in the other person an eager want. To get what we want from another person, we must forget our own perspective and begin to see things from the point of view of others. When we can combine our desires with their wants, they become eager to work with us and we can mutually achieve our objectives.

 

 Six Ways to Make People Like You

 

Become genuinely interested in other people. "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you." The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in them and their interests.Smile. Happiness does not depend on outside circumstances, but rather on inward attitudes. Smiles are free to give and have an amazing ability to make others feel wonderful. Smile in everything that you do.Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. "The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together." People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves. We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their name. Take the time to become good at remembering names.Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. The easiest way to become a good conversationalist is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, we must actually care about what people have to say. Many times people don't want an entertaining conversation partner; they just want someone who will listen to them.Talk in terms of the other person's interest. The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most. If we talk to people about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and value us in return.Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. The golden rule is to treat other people how we would like to be treated. We love to feel important and so does everyone else. People will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves. If we can make people feel important in a sincere and appreciative way, then we will win all the friends we could ever dream of.

 

 

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

 

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Whenever we argue with someone, no matter if we win or lose the argument, we still lose. The other person will either feel humiliated or strengthened and will only seek to bolster their own position. We must try to avoid arguments whenever we can.Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong." We must never tell people flat out that they are wrong. It will only serve to offend them and insult their pride. No one likes to be humiliated, we must not be so blunt.If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Whenever we are wrong we should admit it immediately. When we fight we never get enough, but by yielding we often get more than we expected. When we admit that we are wrong people trust us and begin to sympathize with our way of thinking.Begin in a friendly way. "A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall."[6] If we begin our interactions with others in a friendly way, people will be more receptive. Even if we are greatly upset, we must be friendly to influence people to our way of thinking.Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes. Do not begin by emphasizing the aspects in which we and the other person differ. Begin by emphasizing and continue emphasizing the things on which we agree. People must be started in the affirmative direction and they will often follow readily. Never tell someone they are wrong, but rather lead them where we would like them to go with questions that they will answer "yes" to.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. People do not like listening to us boast, they enjoy doing the talking themselves. Let them rationalize and talk about the idea, because it will taste much sweeter to them in their own mouth.Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers. People inherently like ideas they come to on their own better than those that are handed to them on a platter. Ideas can best be carried out by allowing others to think they arrived at it themselves.Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. Other people may often be wrong, but we cannot condemn them. We must seek to understand them. Success in dealing with people requires a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint.Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. People are hungering for sympathy. They want us to recognize all that they desire and feel. If we can sympathize with others, they will appreciate our side as well and will often come around to our way of thinking.Appeal to the nobler motives. Everyone likes to be glorious in their own eyes. People believe that they do things for noble and morally upright reasons. If we can appeal to others' noble motives we can successfully convince them to follow our ideas.Dramatize your ideas. In this fast paced world, simply stating a truth isn't enough. The truth must be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. Television has been doing it for years. Sometimes ideas are not enough and we must dramatize them.Throw down a challenge. The thing that most motivates people is the game. Everyone desires to excel and prove their worth. If we want someone to do something, we must give them a challenge and they will often rise to meet it.

 

Be A Leader: How to Change People Without
Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

 

Begin with praise and honest appreciation. People will do things begrudgingly for criticism and an iron-fisted leader, but they will work wonders when they are praised and appreciated.Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. No one likes to make mistakes, especially in front of others. Scolding and blaming only serves to humiliate. If we subtly and indirectly show people mistakes, they will appreciate us and be more likely to improve.Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. When something goes wrong, taking responsibility can help win others to your side. People do not like to shoulder all the blame and taking credit for mistakes helps to remove the sting from our critiques of others.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. If we offer suggestions, rather than orders, it will boost others confidence and allow them to learn quickly from their mistakes.Let the other person save face. Nothing diminishes the dignity of a man quite like an insult to his pride. If we don't condemn our employees in front of others and allow them to save face, they will be motivated to do better in the future and confident that they can.Praise every improvement. People love to receive praise and admiration. If we truly want someone to improve at something, we must praise their every advance. "Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement."Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If we give people a great reputation to live up to, they will desire to embody the characteristics with which we have described them. People will work with vigor and confidence if they believe they can be better.Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. If a desired outcome seems like a momentous task, people will give up and lose heart. But if a fault seems easy to correct, they will readily jump at the opportunity to improve. If we frame objectives as small and easy improvements, we will see dramatic increases in desire and success in our employees.Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest. People will most often respond well when they desire to do the behavior put forth. If we want to influence people and become effective leaders, we must learn to frame our desires in terms of others' desires.

 

The Fisherman

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I have a graduate degree in business. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

 

From Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist

Randy Pausch

Currently Randy's famous Last Lecture titled How to Really Achieve Your Childhood Dreams has over 18,000,000 views on YouTube and has inspired millions of people to rethink their lives. It's impossible not to tear up a little bit during the talk or walk away not feeling like he has personally called on us to step our game.

I loved his book the Last Lecture and I've lost count of how many times I've seen his videos. You can watch his video below and enjoy some of his quotes as well. I hope you enjoy them and take Randy's humble advice to really achieve your childhood dreams.

 Great Quotes from Randy

It's not about how to achieve your dreams. It's about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

 

It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. Find your passion and follow it. And if there is anything that I have learned in life, you will not find that passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric — and there will always be someone with more. Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. That passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes.

 

Did you figure out the head fake? It's not about how to achieve your dreams. It's about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

Focus on other people, not on yourself.

 

Do not tell people how to live their lives. Just tell them stories. And they will figure out how those stories apply to them.

 

(Advice to his daughter, on dating boys)  Ignore everything they say and just pay attention to what they do. Because if you do that, you're not going to make all the big mistakes.

 

Find the best in everybody.

 

If I could only give three words of advice, they would be, "tell the truth." If I got three more words, I'd add: "All the time."

 

Did you figure out the second head fake? This talk's not for you. It's for my kids.

 Randy's Wonderful Last Lecture

 

Read MoreFamous Last Lecture  (YouTube, iTunes)

Professor Homepage  (cmu.edu)

Last Lecture Book  (website)

NFL Video on Randy (5 minute video)

10 Questions for Randy  (Time.com)

Randy on Good Morning America  (YouTube)

Last Lecture Reprise on Oprah (30 minute video)

Randy's Faculty Page  (cmu.edu)

Randy Pausch  (Wikipedia)

Randy Pausch  (Wikiquote)

Randy's Cameo in Star Trek movie (YouTube)

 

My Favorite Dream

I have one favorite recurring dream.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me when I dream it.

Once or twice a year I dream of a house.

I can't explain how, but somehow I know it's my house. In my first dreams years ago the house was normal-sized like my childhood home. It was full of love, curiosity and possibility.

And then it grew.

Three years ago I dreamed the house had a secret passageway that led to a beautiful library. Books lined the walls and ladders rolled along the shelves. The house had grown into something beautiful and magical.

I took the dream to mean that I should build this library. So that's what I've been doing.

In that time together with amazing people the Optimist Center has come into being.

This week I dreamed about the house again, though I didn't recognize it at first.

 

The Castle

I stood in a simple and warm room. A fireplace crackled to my left and comfortable chairs filled the room. As I walked into the connecting room I noticed the doorway and walls were stone. I was in a castle.

The next room was much larger and was also filled with people from our Optimist Center. They were talking, laughing and warming up by the fireplace.

I could feel that this place was the same home as in my previous dreams, it had grown and become more solid. It was stone now where it had been wooden before. And it had never been more warm and comfortable. And I could feel the size of the building and the new number of rooms was bigger than ever.

I woke up too soon. I didn't have time to explore the castle like I wanted. But that was by design.

My dream wanted me to feel the excitement and adventure of this new place. It wanted me to know the warmth and solidness of it. And then it ended too soon to challenge me to wake up and explore it here and now.

What we are doing at the Optimist Center feels like my life's work. It is community and inspiration, learning and leading, great people and great possibility.

Our first talk on Happiness launches this week and I'm recording it for our online community.

We are beginning to explore the rooms together and what is being built feels like magic.

 

Three Years Ago: The Library

Interview with Peace Corps Podcast

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Tyler on the My Peace Corps Story Podcast to talk about Peace Corps, optimism and much more. 

I’m honored to have been one of Tyler’s first guests on the podcast, which has gone on to include volunteers from around the world. Thank you Tyler!

Check it out interview or on iTunes to learn more about Mongolia, my journey after Peace Corps and my favorite story, how I met my wife Tunga.

 

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Interview with The Optimist Podcast

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Chris, founder of the Optimist Podcast and former Peace Corps Volunteer, to talk about Peace Corps, optimism and much more. 

Check it out below or on iTunes to learn more about Mongolia, my journey after Peace Corps, Global Happiness Indices and my favorite story, how I met my wife Tunga.

 

Forrest Gump's Simple Guide To A Happy Life

 























 

One of my favorite movies is Forrest Gump. It's a beautiful story and there are jewels of advice on how to live a happy life hidden throughout the story. Here are eight of my favorite lessons. You might enjoy listening to this in the background while you read.

 























 Notice the small things

The movie starts and ends with a feather. Forrest notices it the first time when he is sitting on a bench. He takes it, admires it and puts it in his favorite book. Years later it reappears after we learn Forrest's amazing story.

 























 Remember that Miracles happen every day

My Momma always said that, "Miracles happen every day." 

Now some people don’t believe that but it’s true.

To illustrate the point, interestingly, Forrest talks about what could seem like a pretty terrible memory: the first time he ever ran from bullies. It's in this scene that Jenny famously yells “Run Forrest Run!” and he runs down his driveway as three bullies chase him on their bikes. His braces fall off and he outruns them across the field and clear across town. It turns out he could run like the wind. As got older he says, “Now it used to be I ran to get where I was going, I never thought it would take me anywhere.” It took him all the way to college.

 























 DO A great job the first time

One of my favorite exchanges in the movie is between Forrest and his Drill Sergeant. Forrest stays focused on his task in front of him, whether it's assembling his rifle in record-time, cleaning the floors with a toothbrush or just responding with enthusiasm. It's easy to overthink things but Forrest has it right when he stays focused and does a great job the first time. 

“GUMP! What’s your sole purpose in this army?”

“To do whatever you tell me Drill Sergeant.”

“God damn it Gump! You’re a god damn genius. That is the most outstanding answer I have ever heard!"

 























 Focus on the Good

He always saw the best in people and circumstances. When in Vietnam on patrol he would say, “We got to see lots of the countryside” and of course he would always see the best in Jenny, Bubba, Lt. Dan, and everyone around him. Not only did he focus on the good, he was always good to others as well even when they didn't understand why.

 























 Always Keep Your Word

After finishing his time in the Army, Forrest kept his word to Bubba and starting a shrimping company. He also split everything with his family 50/50. When Forrest reminds his Lieutenant, “Bubba was going to be Captain and I was going to be his first mate. Now I need to be the Captain. A promise is a promise Lt. Dan!” He jokes, “And the day you become a shrimp boat captain, I’ll be your first mate,” It turned out that Forrest kept his promise to Bubba, and Bubba's family and ultimately Lt. Dan kept his promise too. 

 























 Dive in for those you care about

One of my favorite scenes in the movie that just makes my heart happy is when Lt. Dan comes to see Forrest on his shrimping boat. Forrest waves and gets so excited that he just walks right off the boat and swims to Lt. Dan. Years later, when their company is incredibly successful, Forrest hears that his mom is sick over the radio. He figures out what direction home is and then dives straight into the water to swim to her. In both cases he doesn't hesitate and he doesn't say a word. He just dives in for those he cares about. 

 























 Just FOCUS ON the NEXT step

After his mother passes away, Forrest is pretty set. He has made a ton of money with his company and given away almost all of it. "Momma always said there's only so much fortune a man really needs, and the rest is just for showing off." He spends his time mowing because he loves it and he sees Jenny again when she comes to stay with him. 

But after a while she leaves. He's heartbroken and unsure what to do next. That's when he decides to run. He isn't sure what to do in the big picture so he just starts with a step. His simple approach quickly turned into an inspiring movement without him saying a word. It's easy to overthink things, but people respond to action and we all have to start with the first step.  

That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going. When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.

 























 Just say I love you

Most people don't remember the very last line in Forrest Gump. I certainly didn't.

But I think it might be one of the most profound and touching lines in the whole movie.

When Little Forrest goes to school in the last scene his dad says,

"Hey Forrest, don't...... I wanted to tell you I love you."

-

I found this incredibly interesting and touching. Forrest is concerned, like all parents, about letting his child go. He remembers his first day on the bus and all the things that he probably wants to warn his son about. That "don't" could have been so many things.

Had Forrest continued the sentence, it would have been the very first time we ever saw Forrest tell anyone what to do. But he doesn't.

He does what I think all of us should do, he focuses on love.

It's the perfect last line of a beautiful story.

 























 

Ben Franklin's Guide to Success

One of my favorite inspirations is Ben Franklin

 

Franklin was a true renaissance man. He was a candlemaker, printer, editor, columnist, writer, author, entrepreneur, scientist, philanthropist, community organizer, statesman, humorist, humanitarian and in his free time the discoverer of the gulf stream and creator of daylight savings time.

It amazes me when I think about all he accomplished during his lifetime. I love revisiting his life in the documentary I've included below, his wonderful quotes (also below) and I even have his picture up on my office wall. He inspires me to do more with the time I have been given and to also have a sense of humor about all of it at the same time.

Here are eight of my favorite quotes from Benjamin Franklin which nicely sum up his philosophy on success. If you'd like to read more, I recommend his Autobiography, The Way to Wealth and Fart Proudly for starters. Yes, that's actually a book! Check it out.

 

My Favorite Quotes from Franklin on Success

If you love those quotes and want the whole story on Franklin, I highly recommend the incredible film about him by PBS. I've included the first part below. It's simply amazing. 

If you make it through Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four,
you will find my favorite quote at the very end...

Franklin was born at a time when witches were taught to be real and he died at the dawn of the modern age. It is an age that to a surprising degree he himself helped shape. He came from a society where class determined ones station in life and he helped create a country where merit and ability could flourish. In a rigid world of orthodoxy and dogma he believed to the core of his soul in the virtues of tolerance and compromise. The quintessential optimist he never doubted, even for a moment, that the future of humanity lay in the infinite power of human reason.

“The rapid progress of the sciences makes me, at times, sorry that I was born so soon. Imagine the power that man will have over matter a few hundred years from now. We may learn how to remove gravity from large masses and float them over great distances, agriculture will double its produce with less labor, all diseases will surely be cured, even old age. If only the moral sciences could be improved as well. Perhaps men would cease to be wolves to one another and
human beings could learn to be…human.”