Kate Baggott's Blog: Cornfields of the Sea - Posts Tagged "come-dine-with-me"
Heartbreak Comedy
Romantic comedy is fun. One relationship ends so that a friendship or the even funnier intergenderhositilityship can deepen and become the happily ever after relationship all of us are supposed to have...if we are attractive and heterosexual. We all know the formula.
And, here is something worth considering, it might be the heartbreak that is the real turning point. This is where the protagonists in the story might get a little self-awareness, decide to end the pattern of self-hatred that leads to bad relationships choices, or you know, hang out with her friends and have a good time. Or, here's another idea, after a particularly horrible marriage break up, she might just hang out with her children and have a good time while they sort out a new life together.
This morning I watched one of those horrible reality TV shows...OK, it was Come Dine With Me Canada, in which one of the participants was described as a "desperate divorcee." The show has been badly copied from its British version, which is full of sarcasm from the commentator, not outright nastiness from heavily-coached participants, but that is not the point. Is this really how WNetwork, once known as "the Women's Television Network," sees its primary audience? Are they really so dismissive? So prone to dishing out stereotypes without thinking?
Obviously.
While I only have a sample of 400 Facebook friends and 2000 Twitter followers in several countries to draw from, I can say I have never met a "desperate divorcee." And I'm not just saying that because "divorcee" is a word best left in 1963.
I don't know any desperate divorcees.
They aren't among single mothers.The single mothers I know are too busy working like mad to feed their kids.
They aren't among married mothers. Most of the women I know, once married, manage to stay married, work like mad to to feed their kids and keep their husbands healthy, well-fed and busy sharing all the work and responsibility of raising a family.
They aren't among never-married women. The women I know who have never married are scaling the heights of professional success. That is not true of all of them. Reality is a big place. Others are unmarried because they have been caring for elderly parents, suffering from serious illnesses or fell in love with men they could not recover from losing. Others could not recover from the hit of religious guilt around all things sexual. And then, there is the matter of rational choice. Heterosexual marriage can be a horrible deal for lots of women and some choose to avoid it altogether.
Desperate divorcees aren't among lesbians. Not even among divorced lesbians. They're a healthy demographics, lesbians. At least, that's the impression I get from their Facebook posts.
And "desperate divorcee" is not me. I'm too well-friended, too well-familied, too tired, too busy, too involved with too many different projects to feel desperate for anything or for anyone I may not have.
But do you know what? There is comedy in heartbreak that does not come from another romance. There is comedy in heartbreak that does not come from watching your ex suffer, stereotypes about libidos or from the dismissive, insulting nature of the word "desperate."
There is laughter in finding a way to make it through the month when finances are difficult. There is laughter in making a new home. There is fun in setting new routines and making new rules for the good of everyone. There is comedy in friendship and frustration and recovery. There is no need to be dismissive, insulting or hateful toward others to find it.
And you know, I'm not going to rely on WNetwork or anyone else to prove that. I started working on these ideas in Love from Planet Wine Cooler. I started, but obviously I need to go deeper and explain more thoroughly what it is to be so full of life and love and laughter. And, one day, I will write you that book too.
And, here is something worth considering, it might be the heartbreak that is the real turning point. This is where the protagonists in the story might get a little self-awareness, decide to end the pattern of self-hatred that leads to bad relationships choices, or you know, hang out with her friends and have a good time. Or, here's another idea, after a particularly horrible marriage break up, she might just hang out with her children and have a good time while they sort out a new life together.
This morning I watched one of those horrible reality TV shows...OK, it was Come Dine With Me Canada, in which one of the participants was described as a "desperate divorcee." The show has been badly copied from its British version, which is full of sarcasm from the commentator, not outright nastiness from heavily-coached participants, but that is not the point. Is this really how WNetwork, once known as "the Women's Television Network," sees its primary audience? Are they really so dismissive? So prone to dishing out stereotypes without thinking?
Obviously.
While I only have a sample of 400 Facebook friends and 2000 Twitter followers in several countries to draw from, I can say I have never met a "desperate divorcee." And I'm not just saying that because "divorcee" is a word best left in 1963.
I don't know any desperate divorcees.
They aren't among single mothers.The single mothers I know are too busy working like mad to feed their kids.
They aren't among married mothers. Most of the women I know, once married, manage to stay married, work like mad to to feed their kids and keep their husbands healthy, well-fed and busy sharing all the work and responsibility of raising a family.
They aren't among never-married women. The women I know who have never married are scaling the heights of professional success. That is not true of all of them. Reality is a big place. Others are unmarried because they have been caring for elderly parents, suffering from serious illnesses or fell in love with men they could not recover from losing. Others could not recover from the hit of religious guilt around all things sexual. And then, there is the matter of rational choice. Heterosexual marriage can be a horrible deal for lots of women and some choose to avoid it altogether.
Desperate divorcees aren't among lesbians. Not even among divorced lesbians. They're a healthy demographics, lesbians. At least, that's the impression I get from their Facebook posts.
And "desperate divorcee" is not me. I'm too well-friended, too well-familied, too tired, too busy, too involved with too many different projects to feel desperate for anything or for anyone I may not have.
But do you know what? There is comedy in heartbreak that does not come from another romance. There is comedy in heartbreak that does not come from watching your ex suffer, stereotypes about libidos or from the dismissive, insulting nature of the word "desperate."
There is laughter in finding a way to make it through the month when finances are difficult. There is laughter in making a new home. There is fun in setting new routines and making new rules for the good of everyone. There is comedy in friendship and frustration and recovery. There is no need to be dismissive, insulting or hateful toward others to find it.
And you know, I'm not going to rely on WNetwork or anyone else to prove that. I started working on these ideas in Love from Planet Wine Cooler. I started, but obviously I need to go deeper and explain more thoroughly what it is to be so full of life and love and laughter. And, one day, I will write you that book too.
Cornfields of the Sea
When I was in high school, I was lucky enough to be part of a writing workshop with author Barbara Greenwood. Every member of the workshop was to write a short story for a group anthology. I thought w
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