Oleg Atbashian's Blog, page 42

People's Blog •

Give war a chance!

My bottom line depends on it.

Statistics: Posted by Ex-President Autopen — 8/19/2025, 8:38 pm

People's Blog • Media: Top 10 Reasons Trump’s Peace Is Worse Than War

President Trump's recent whirlwind diplomacy tour - which included a meeting with Vladimir Putin in Alaska, followed by talks with President Zelensky and European leaders in Washington - has been described by supporters as "a masterclass in multi-board game strategy."

Eyewitnesses report that Trump treated the Alaska summit like high-stakes poker, bluffing Putin into showing his hand while simultaneously slamming down ping-pong shots of military aid guarantees across the net in Washington. At the same time, sources confirm he was moving Monopoly pieces around the board, buying up Ukrainian minerals and handing out "Get Out of War Free" cards – all while playing Twister with China and backgammon with India.

Despite the apparent progress, America's media establishment has declared the trip a "total disaster," with CNN accusing him of "passing go and collecting $200 in rubles."

Asked for comment, Trump said: "I'm playing every game at once and I'm winning them all. Nobody's ever seen diplomacy like this. But the media, they'll say I lost at tic-tac-toe. Very unfair."

An anonymous senior editor at The New York Times explained: "Even if Trump ended all wars tomorrow, people might start asking why we need experts, think tanks, or entire TV panels if one guy with a red tie can just end wars. Children might grow up believing diplomacy can be done without the United Nations. That's not the kind of precedent we want to set."

This NYT editor is not alone. We have collected a number of media headlines explaining why Trump's efforts to solve global conflict may be dangerous:
 
Peace May Create Shortage Of Grim Photographs Needed For Fundraising Emails.
Without Constant Conflict, Citizens Might Start Expecting Governments To Actually Solve Domestic Problems.
Trump’s Ceasefire Could Reduce Demand For CNN War Panels, Endangering Anchors’ Job Security.
Ending Wars Without Diversity, Equity, And Inclusion Training Is Problematic.
Peace Could Flood The Market With Veterans Who Know How To Win, Disrupting Safe-Space Culture.
Scholars Alarmed: Trump’s Diplomatic Success Undermines Entire Academic Field Of Conflict Studies.
Ending Wars Would Send Strong, Conservative Young Men Into Politics, Threatening Current Progressive Dominance.
Without Wars, International Journalists Might Be Forced To Cover School Board Meetings.
Ending Global Conflict Could Destabilize UN Cocktail Reception Schedule.
Economists Caution That Fewer Wars Could Mean Declining Sales In Camouflage Cargo Shorts Market.

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 7:27 pm

People's Blog •

When the Left always promises to lift people up, it's usually by their ankles, to shake the last ruble out of their pockets.

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 4:08 pm

People's Blog •

To convert private housing into glorious People’s Communes™ is an idea whose time has come. Who of us hasn't dreamt of living in a concrete shoebox with twelve assigned comrades, one Party-approved lightbulb, and an indoor plumbing schedule posted by the Housing Commissar? Nothing says “progress” like recreating the Soviet waiting list for toilet paper, only now with New York prices.

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 3:56 pm

People's Blog •

Comrades in Manhattan have once again marched for the Glorious Global Intifada™ — which, in plain speech, translates as “We demand free universal genocide, funded by taxpayers, and served with soy milk.” This is what happens when local revolutionaries outsource their slogans to Hamas marketing interns.

FYI, intifada is Arabic for “throwing off.” But since our proggish comrades are allergic to dictionaries, they believe it means “fun street festival with free Wi-Fi.”

Naturally, Israel remains the villain, because in the Progressive Handbook™ the Jewish state’s greatest crime is existing successfully. And nothing terrifies the People’s Marchers more than Jews who refuse to play victim and instead insist on surviving.

Long live progressive New York, where social justice means chanting for genocide while sipping a $9 Manhattan latte.

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 3:47 pm

People's Blog •

Comrades! The advantages of living in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ are self-evident to all loyal Party members. Compared to the dreary hardships of Last Tuesday™, Next Tuesday is overflowing with progress, abundance, and joy:

Last Tuesday™: shortages, long lines, suspicious glances from the People’s Commissar of Potatoes.

Next Tuesday™: overflowing shelves, long lines only because citizens are too joyous to disperse, and suspicious glances now reserved exclusively for counterrevolutionaries.

Last Tuesday™: the tractor refused to start.

Next Tuesday™: the tractor still refuses to start, but now it does so in a more sustainable and eco-conscious manner, proving our devotion to Mother Earth.

Last Tuesday™: workers were punished for lateness.

Next Tuesday™: lateness is abolished, since time itself has been collectivized and redistributed equally among all comrades.

Truly, comrades, it is only in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ that progress marches ever forward!

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 3:31 pm

People's Blog •

The Party reminds us that while puppies must learn to heel, fetch, and roll over, Comrade Maxwell’s training methods involve the wrong kind of obedience school. Her idea of a “treat” is a spot on a flight manifest to a private island — not exactly what a puppy expects when it hears “Sit.”

Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 8/19/2025, 3:23 pm

People's Blog •

They are dual purpose in that respect. Thank you for that clarification, Comrade.

Many of the newer models on the drawing boards will even employ triple purpose wheels so that it will be possible to steer the curser around on the screen rather than old way of moving the screen around the curser.

Statistics: Posted by Comrade Otis — 8/19/2025, 3:21 pm

People's Blog •

Statistics: Posted by The PR of NT — 8/18/2025, 11:21 pm

People's Blog •

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Colonel,

Rest assured, I have no intention of stopping them.  I have and will continue to spur them on.  Perhaps I might give a helpful nudge if the opportunity arises.  Marx knows I want to.  

These particular irritants Useful Idiots are relatives by a recent marriage to a favorite cousin.  (She may be destined to lose her most favored cousin status.)  I will be happier when the lines of communication are severed.  It will simplify plans for Thanksgiving and Marxmas as well.  

It is easy enough to block texts and e-mails.  I’m certain I will be the family villain when all is said and done.  Won’t be my first BBQ.  I doubt the irritants Useful Idiots will have the stones to show up at my front door.  To paraphrase my equally esteemed fraternity brother G. S. Patton, “May God have mercy on my stupid in-laws, because I won’t.”  

Red Salmon

Statistics: Posted by Red Salmon — 8/18/2025, 9:28 pm