Joshua Becker's Blog, page 136

Wanting Everything is (Almost) the Same as Wanting Nothing

“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” - Aristotle

I have a six-year old daughter. She’s lovely and fun and friendly and intelligent. She adds priceless beauty to my world.

She also loves collecting things. And by things, I mean everything. When we are at the park, she collects rocks and flowers and sticks. When we walk through the store, she points out everything she would like to own.

Typically, when she wants something at the store, we say, “Maybe you can put it on your Christmas list.” The problem is, she always does. In fact, nowadays, she doesn’t even tell us she’d like to buy the item… she just starts with, “I’d like to put this on my Christmas list.” Needless to say, her Christmas list has gotten quite long. As a result, I keep telling her, “You should decide which things you really want on this list and take off the rest. Otherwise, you’ll end up being disappointed.”

I know how Christmas works. I know her parents and grandparents will be forced to make decisions about which items on her list to actually give her. Simply put, she can’t receive everything she has written down. The resources are not available to purchase every single thing on the list (and thank goodness).

Because I recognize the reality of Christmas morning, I can see the coming disappointment. Surely there are some things on her list she wants more than others. But if the gift she wants the most is stuck in the middle of everything else, her chances of receiving it diminish dramatically… she’ll likely end up with something different instead.

But this is not a post about my daughter’s wish list—or even Christmas. It’s about something bigger. It’s about something even more important. It’s about my life… and it’s about yours. It’s about realizing what is most important in life and removing the distractions that keep us from it.

Because I fear, too often, I make the same mistake as my daughter. I desire too many things. And I am reminded again of this important truth:

Wanting everything is (almost) the same as wanting nothing.

When our desires run unchecked, our list of pursuits grows. And too frequently, the most important desires in our lives get lost in the shuffle. The more we pursue at any given moment, the less likely we are to achieve any of them. Consider how…

the desire for comfort or pleasure contradicts our search for growth.
the desire for worldly success interferes with our opportunity for significance.
the desire for wealth keeps us from accomplishing generosity.
the desire for material possessions limits our ability to live out our greatest passions.

We would be wise to limit our desires—to keep our pursuits focused on the most important and most beneficial to our lives and others. Then, each of our limited resources could be wholly directed toward them. And the opportunity for their accomplishment would increase dramatically.

May our desires be few—but well-placed. Because wanting everything is almost the same as wanting nothing.

And what I really want to do right now is give my daughter a really big hug… which I hope is also on her list somewhere.

Image: Pranav Bhasin

Bird by Bird: The Slow Guide to Minimalism.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Brooke McAlary of Slow Your Home.

“Be not afraid of going slowly; be only afraid of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb

I am a writer. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am an inappropriate laugher.

I am also a passionate advocate of simple living, rational minimalism, living with less – whatever you want to call this movement we are part of.

I came to both minimalism and writing in my darkest times, and I don’t think that is a coincidence. I was lost and despairing. Taking control of my life and rediscovering my creative passions have helped me carve out a life of intention, happiness and purpose. And it’s freaking awesome.

There is a book on writing I love. It’s called ‘Bird by Bird’ by Anne Lamott. It’s filled with writing advice, huge belly laughs and incredible insights into the particular breed of weird that is a creative author.

My copy is well-thumbed and lives on my desk, next to where I currently sit.

The title comes from a story Anne Lamott tells of her older brother. He is ten years old and struggling to start, let alone finish, a paper on birds. He has had three months to complete it, and the paper is due the next day.

“He was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilised by the hugeness of the task ahead.”

Despairing, he pleads with his father for advice on how to start – and finish.

“Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”

In other words: Don’t think about the whole paper. Just start with one bird. Finish that bird. Then move on.

“And son? Do it now.”

As a writer, I loved the simplicity of the advice – just get it down bit by bit, word by word. One thought at a time.

As a minimalist, I was inspired – start with one thing, work it through, then move on. Bit by bit, piece by piece.

Bird By Bird: The Slow Guide to Minimalism

Honestly, creating a life of simplicity is easy. You simply begin.

The hard part is not looking too far ahead. Focusing on the bird in front of you, not the flock above. That’s when we falter, when it seems too much, too hard, too long, too sad, too emotional.

First, Take One Step.

Every journey begins with just one step. Simplifying your life, becoming a minimalist, living with less – this journey is no different. It begins with one step, one decision, one action.

It may be that you:

Toss out the pair of favorite sneakers that are falling apart.
Clear out the junk drawer in your kitchen.
Say no to a commitment that has been draining you for too long.
Clear out under the couch.
Tidy your desk.


Then, Bird by Bird

As you finish with that first step, the next one will become apparent. Just trust the process and resist temptation to look too far ahead.

Once the sneakers are gone, you will see the clothes you no longer wear.
When the junk drawer is empty, you will move on to the utensils.
Once you’ve cancelled your draining commitment, you will notice the time you waste on Facebook.
When the floor under the couch is clear, you will notice the overflowing bookshelf.
After your desk is orderly, you will see the piles of paperwork that need filing.

Bird by bird.

It all starts with one decision. A decision to forge a better life. A decision to say no. A decision to value people over things. A decision to let go.

That particular decision is yours. The important part is that you make one, follow it through, then move forward.

Bird by bird.

***

Brooke McAlary helps families live more simple and mindful lives at Slow Your Home. She is also a fantastic follow on on Twitter.

10 Creative Ways to Declutter Your Home

“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.” - Dale Carnegie

The idea of living a simplified, uncluttered life with less stuff sounds attractive to many. They have considered the benefits of owning fewer possessions: less to clean, less debt, less to organize, less stress, more money and energy for their greatest passions. They are ready to declutter but some get quickly tripped up by the very next question… where in the world do I begin?

Many begin to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and defeated around the idea of decluttering their homes. That’s too bad. The decluttering journey doesn’t need to be as painful as some make it out to be. In fact, there are a variety of people who have come up with some pretty fun, creative ways to get started.

Consider this list of 10 creative ways to declutter your home:

1. Give yourself 5 solid minutes. Leo Babauta at Zen Habits recommends 18 different 5-minute decluttering tips. Pick one today that sounds appealing. Or better yet, pick a random number 1-18, read the specific tip, and commit 5 minutes to completing it.

2. Give away one item each day. Colleen Madsen at 365 Less Things gives away one item each day. Over the past several years, she has experienced quite a transformation simply reducing her stuff one day at a time.

3. Fill one trash bag. Early in our journey towards simplicity, one of my favorite decluttering techniques was to grab a simple large trash bag and see how quickly I could fill it. While much of what I collected was trash, this could also be used to fill a bag for Goodwill.

4. Try the Oprah Winfrey Closet Hanger Experiment. While this idea didn’t originate with Oprah, she was the one to help give it notoriety. To identify wardrobe pieces to clear out, hang all your clothes with the hangers in the reverse direction. After you wear an item, return it to the closet with the hanger facing the correct direction. After six months, you’ll have a clear picture of which clothes you can easily discard. This experiment could also be applied to a number of clutter areas in your home (cleaners, toys, linens, tools, hobbies and craft items).

5. Make a list. Dana Byers recommends creating a list of places/areas in your home to declutter beginning with the easiest… which doesn’t sound all that creative until she adds this note, “When you’re done with one area, STOP.” This list could be made as easy or difficult as you desire based upon what areas of your home make up the list (drawers/closets/rooms). And could easily fit into any schedule.

6. Take the 12-12-12 Challenge. A simple task of locating 12 items to throw away, 12 items to donate, and 12 items to be returned to their proper home can be a really fun and exciting way to quickly organize 36 things in your house. On more than one occasion, this challenge actually became a quick competition between my wife and I… and your kids don’t have to be too old to participate as well.

7. Change your perspective. Unclutterer offers a powerful approach to decluttering when they offer a number of strategies to help you change your perspective and begin to notice some clutter you may have missed. Among their ideas: take photos of your house, invite over a toddler, or ask the boss to meet in your office. With all of the examples, the hope is to cause you to see your home in a new light.

8. Experiment with numbers. For example, Courtney Carver invented Project 333 to challenge people to wear only 33 articles of clothing for 3 months. If 33 articles of clothing seems too little, adjust the rules as you need by picking a new number. The important thing is to challenge yourself to live with less and see what you learn from the experiment.

9. Use your imagination. Psychology Today recommends using your imagination to help declutter objects that may seem difficult to remove. Try asking yourself unique questions like, “If I was just buying this now, how much would I pay?” These creative techniques may prove to be very helpful for some with difficulties removing unneeded clutter.

10.The Four-Box Method. As we first set out on our journey to minimalism, this was the technique most often used in our home. As I set out to declutter an area, I brought four boxes: trash, give away, keep, or relocate. Each item in every room was placed into one of the four categories. No item was passed over. Each was considered individually. Some projects took an hour… others took days or weeks. But the technique and principles remained the same.

No matter what you choose to help you get started – whether it be one of these ten or one of countless others – the goal is to take your first step with excitement behind it. There is a beautiful world of freedom and fresh breath hiding behind that clutter. How you remove it is up to you.

***

Special thanks to each of you who have purchased a copy of Simplify: 7 Guiding Principles to Help Anyone Declutter Their Home and Life. It has ranked among the top self-help books on Amazon all week long. As noted earlier this week, we will continue to sell the book for $0.99 over the next several days as we celebrate its one-year release on Kindle/Nook.

Celebrating One Year of Simplify

One year ago, we released Simplify: 7 Guiding Principles to Help Anyone Declutter Their Home and Life on the Amazon Kindle. By the end of the day, it was the #1 Self-Help book on Amazon. Eventually, the book would sell over 20,000 copies. It continues even today to inspire people to live more life by owning fewer possessions.

To celebrate its one-year anniversary, we have decided to offer Simplify for $0.99 for the next 10 days.

Simplify provides the inspiration and practical help to encourage you to simplify your home and declutter your possessions. Ultimately, it argues you will find more life by choosing to live with less. You’ll find more time, energy, and finances to pursue your greatest passions. And you’ll experience a new freedom by owning less.

The book retells our story of finding minimalism and the most important lessons we learned during the journey. But more importantly, it provides the motivation for you to begin your own journey towards a better life. It invites its readers to discover a new life-giving truth. And it will likely change the way you live the rest of your life.

It has received praise from countless readers:

Leo Babauta called it “a must-read.”
Albany Times Union said, “If you’re looking for specific advice on how to live well with less, this book is worth a look.”
Tanna Clark, a professional organizer wrote, “I absolutely love Simplify! It is a simple, straightforward guide that brings new light to the term minimalist.”
In just the past 10 days, Roey Brecher and Ahmet Alp Balkan have offered significant praise.

I’d love for you to join the movement and purchase a copy of the book today. It can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords for only $0.99. Remember, after 10 days, it will return to its regular price.

***

If you have read the book and found it to be valuable, your Amazon recommendation is super-helpful. It helps potential buyers make informed decisions. Also, take a moment and share this offer with others via Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or e-mail. From the very beginning, the only promotion this book received has been word-of-mouth.


If you do not have a Kindle, you can still read the book by installing the free Kindle software on your computer, tablet, or mobile device. It’s super-easy. And generally speaking, allows for less expensive book buying.

60 Life Lessons I Learned from my Parents

“No matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.” ― Brad Meltzer

This weekend, my mother celebrates her 60th birthday. In two months, my father will celebrate his 60th as well. Unfortunately, the miles separate us. And I regret not being able to be there to celebrate with them.

My mother and father have been wonderful parents to me. They have worked hard to provide a stable foundation for my life and future. They have taught me invaluable lessons about work, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. And to celebrate their 60th birthday, I thought I would use this public forum to give them the praise they deserve.

60 Life Lessons I Learned from my Parents

• Admit mistakes. It would be foolish for me to claim my parents have been perfect. They aren’t. But when they make a mistake, they humbly admit it. And work to fix it.

• Appreciate teachers. My mom worked a number of jobs while I was growing up ― including being a teacher. From her, I learned to appreciate the time, energy, commitment, and care that teachers show every day.

• Assist your neighbor whenever possible. Everywhere I’ve lived, my parents knew our neighbors. More importantly, they recognized their needs and assisted when possible.

• Attend church. Worship has always been important to my family. Then and now.

• Be a good friend to find a good friend. Healthy friends cultivate healthy friendships. And my parents taught and modeled what it means to be a good friend to others.

• Be content with little. There were numerous times growing up when money was tight. Nevertheless, my parents were content in it.

• Be content with much. There were also times when the bank accounts were healthy. Even more impressive, my parents were content then as well.

• Be open to criticism. We never stop learning, growing, and changing. My mother and father were always open to being challenged in new ways.

• Be quick to help. If a need in the community was articulated, my parents were among the first to be there. They set a healthy example from the very beginning that life is not all about getting… it’s about giving.

• Care about the right things. Our lives and resources are finite. And you just can’t care about everything. Seek to care about the right things.

• Care for the fatherless. My parents provide, protect, and care for the orphan and the fatherless. And if there is a greater compliment to be given, I’m not sure what it is.

• Celebrate holidays with family. Even when we lived far away from extended family, I always remember making it home for the holidays as a kid. And as an adult, I still do.

• Choose the narrow path. Many will choose the broad, well-trodden path. My parents never did. Their values always dictated their decisions even when they were unpopular.

• Come home for lunch. I distinctly remember my dad coming home from work each day for lunch―usually for a hot dog on bread with chips. Let me repeat that, I always remember my dad coming home from work for lunch.

• Commit to your spouse. My parents have remained faithful to each other in every possible way for 40 years. I can’t thank them enough.

• Compete but remain fair. Competition runs deep in our family. But so does fairness. And I’d hate to have the first without the second.

• Concern your life with more than money. My mother and father always concerned themselves with greater pursuits than money.

• Disagree humbly. Nobody gets it right every time. I’m glad I learned from them the importance of being able to disagree with genuine humility… sometimes I wish I learned this even more.

• Discipline is a virtue. Self-discipline ought not be feared, but nurtured.

• Don’t fear change. My family moved a number of times while I was growing up  (5-6 times before graduating high school). Through the experience and their example, my parents taught me never to fear it.

• Don’t look for wealth in money. True wealth is never measured on a bank statement. And they never evaluated theirs by the number of zeros printed on it.

• Eat cereal for dinner. Not sure why we had cereal every Sunday night for dinner… but surely, that’s where I learned it.

• Education is worth pursuing. My mom and dad had twin sons while still in college. They both graduated. Well done.

• Express gratitude. Gratitude is a discipline best experienced in both the good times and the bad. My parents displayed it regardless of external factors.

• Forgive quickly. Wrongs happen and mistakes are made. Sometimes, those decisions hurt. But not granting forgiveness only harms yourself.

• Get on the floor with your kids. My dad worked hard. But when he would come home, he would get on the floor and play with his kids. If I haven’t said it yet, “Thank you.”

• Have an opinion. You can always count on my mom to have an opinion. And thankfully so. She taught me the value of forming one.

• Invite others. My family always sought to include others into our plans and lives. From them, I’ve learned the value of this simple question, “Would you like to come with us?” Our world needs more people like that.

• Laugh often. 

• And then laugh some more. Needless to say, I love the culture of joy my parents established in our home.

• Learn from others. My parents never considered themselves so above someone else that they couldn’t learn something new from them. And I’ve always appreciated that trait.

• Live in Aberdeen, SD. We moved a number of times growing up. But somehow, my parents always returned to Aberdeen, SD… and that’s where they continue to live today. Know that I look forward to visiting home again soon.

• Live within your income. My parents always made adjustments in their spending based on their income. They taught me the value of frugality when necessary. But more importantly, they taught me the joy of living within my means.

• Love conversation. Both my mom and dad excel in the gift of conversation. They use both their ears and their mouth during communication. And evenings spent in the living room talking about life pass too quickly.

• Love is best spoken and shown. Words are important. But so are actions. My parents express love using both.

• Love your work. Both my mom and my dad love their work. It’s no coincidence that I do too.

• Overcome difficulties. This world isn’t easy. And our lives are defined by how we respond in adversity. The greatest among us overcome trials and seek to learn from them.

• Pack an afternoon snack. My dad also taught me the value of a fun-size Snickers bar in the afternoon.

• Parenting matters. Stephanie Martson once said, “Everything our children hear, see, and feel is recorded onto a cassette. Guess who is the big star in their movie? You are.” The lives we live and the decisions we make absolutely matter in the worldview of our children.

• Play athletics. I learned to love sports from my dad.

• Play board games. But I learned to love board games from my mom.

• Practice generosity. Give your life and resources to others as much and as often as you can. They need your help. Your kids need the example. And you need the practice even more than them.

• Remain honest. It’s no great accomplishment to be honest when it is easy. But our true appreciation of honesty is displayed when it is difficult. And a truly honest man or woman is hard to find these days. I’m so glad to have two in my life.

• Respect character. Your character is of far more value than anything you can sell it for. Don’t trade it for something foolish like money, fame, power, sex, or the entire world.

• Rise early. I have vivid memories of playing basketball with my father at 6am before school would start. Great memories. But an even greater example.

• Schedule rest. As long as I can remember, my mother and father have taken naps on Sunday afternoons. They were probably just tired. But for me, it became a healthy model of appreciating both hard work and scheduled rest.

• Seek God. Some people choose to reject God. Others choose to ignore Him. My parents taught me to seek Him. And as the old saying goes, “If you seek, you will find.”

• Serve others. As I learned from them in both word and deed, life is bigger than yourself. And truest life, fulfillment, meaning, and joy is found in the service of others.

• Study words. My mother loves games that value words: Scrabble, Boggle, even Words with Friends. And even to this day, unless I cheat, I am unable to beat her.

• Take care of the elderly. The sunset is no less beautiful than the sunrise. I’m grateful for parents who see the beauty in young children, but I am also grateful for parents who have stood by those at the end of their life as well.

• Track spending. My dad is a banker with a mind for numbers. As a result, I can’t possibly remember the complicated system that he used to track our family’s budget… nobody else could either. But what I did learn is the importance of tracking dollars and developing budgets. And I’ll take that any day.

• Trust others. I learned optimism from my parents. They live their lives seeing the good in others and trusting them because of it. They taught me it is better to trust and get burnt once in awhile than to live your entire life suspicious of everyone around you.

• Use your talents. As I mentioned, my dad is a financial guy and my mom is a gifted teacher and trainer. Apart from their careers, they often use their talents in various community-based organizations to better the lives of others. They recognize their gifts and utilize them whenever possible.

• Vacations don’t have to be expensive. We went on summer vacations almost every summer growing up. And while a few of them required a significant financial investment, most of them didn’t. But we enjoyed all of them regardless of the destination (except for maybe the drive through the Colorado mountains without an air conditioner…).

• Value children. Both my mother and father love children and continue to invest their lives into kids. As a matter of act, even at age 60, you can still find my dad on the floor playing with his grand-kids.

• Value education. The ability to learn is a gift and a responsibility. My parents taught us early not to take it for granted.

• Value family. I’m so thankful to have grown up in a family that was filled with love, care, and joy. If you did not, seek to develop those attributes in your own life/family today. I can attest that your kids will forever thank you for it.

• Volunteer. Give freely to your community. Your gift is needed. And it makes the world a better place for everyone.

• Work hard. My parents have not wasted their lives. Their example has taught me the value of working hard and pursuing lasting significance over worldly success.

Mom and Dad, I can’t possibly express how thankful I am for each of you. Happy 60th birthday. Here’s to 60 more.

8 Reasons Keeping a Journal Can Help You Reach Your Goals

“Always carry a notebook. And I mean always. The short-term memory only retains information for three minutes; unless it is committed to paper you can lose an idea for ever.” ― Will Self

Our decision to become minimalist was intentional. It was based on the realization that our possessions were distracting us from things in life that were more important. Our possessions were stealing too much of our money, time, energy, and focus. And as a result, we decided to get rid of everything we didn’t need or love to focus on our greatest passions.

On the other hand, this on-line journal of our journey into minimalism was not intentional. Originally, the Becoming Minimalist website began as simply a humble means to inform our extended family of our goals. But somewhere along the way, it became an important piece in helping us achieve them.

Since then, I have used the discipline of keeping a journal to assist me in the pursuit of other life goals as well. And I have come to clearly recognize and appreciate its importance.

Benefits of Keeping a Journal

Consider these 8 ways keeping a journal can help us reach our goals:

#1. Keeping a journal requires us to write out our goals. The importance of committing our goals to paper cannot be overstated. It is a simple process, but it pays great dividends. Writing our goals provides the opportunity to articulate them clearly and makes their achievement appear closer.

#2. A journal serves as a permanent record of our progress. Success can be quickly forgotten. And when it is, it becomes easy to get frustrated with our pursuit. As with any pursuit, there are times we may feel like we have not accomplished anything despite all the invested effort and energy. During those moments, it is helpful to look back and be reminded of our past successes.

#3. Writing requires us to think through the why’s and the how’s. When we sit down behind a blank computer screen or sheet of paper and begin to write out what we accomplished during the day, we are forced to think through our process on a deeper level. The discipline forces us to answer the difficult questions of “why,” “how,” or “why not?” The answers to these questions are not just helpful as we move forward to repeat successes and avoid mistakes, they can be therapeutic as well.

#4. A journal proves we have solved problems in the past. Whether we are chasing a physical goal (26.2 miles), a career goal (start my own business), or a personal goal (become a better father), not every step in our pursuit is going to be easy… goals worth pursuing never are. At some point, we will be required to overcome adversity. But we will. And the next time we face it, we’ll find motivation and strength it in our written record of overcoming it in the past.

#5. Keeping a journal naturally reminds us to articulate next steps. It is difficult to look back without also looking forward. As a result, when we journal, we naturally begin to look forward. And the next step becomes easier to see.

#6. Writing reminds us to think beyond the obvious. Always looking for “material to journal” has caused me to see the value of simplicity and minimalism in areas I would not normally have seen it – whether it be an article in the newspaper, an advertisement on television, or a conversation with a friend. Likewise, writing causes us to become more intentional in any pursuit… and to find inspiration beyond the obvious places right in front of us.

#7. Even a private journal provides accountability. As we script our journey, we find accountability ―not to the written word, but to ourselves. Our past successes and perseverance compel us forward. We can see how far we’ve come, how much we have left to accomplish, and why giving up would be foolish.

#8. A written account allows our story to inspire others. Our journal is our story. It is our account of moving from Point A to Point B. And rightly shared, it can inspire others to do the same.

Getting Started.

• Find a form that is comfortable for you. A journal should work for you… not the other way around. You may feel most comfortable with a notebook, a computer processor, a website, or an on-line writing app. Find a form that fits your personality and lifestyle. And embrace it.

• Commit to writing every day. The intention of sitting to write every day will compel your mind to manufacture and recognize progress. It is a bold plan. And you’ll likely miss days. But don’t let that stop you. Commit again to write the next day.

• Care more about substance and less about style. Write for yourself, not for others. As you do, write with the truest goal of putting onto paper your thoughts and action. Don’t worry about spelling and grammar if those things tend to bog you down. Your goal is not to get an “A.” Your goal is articulate progress.

• Don’t be motivated by length. There are some days where you’ll be motivated to write much. Others days, only a little.

• Recognize our need. You story is important and it is meant to be shared. It may be unique to you, but we desperately need to read it. Make sure we can.

Image: thomaseagle

The Opportunity of Limited Curiosity

“The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.” ― Oscar Wilde

We are a curious people. We desire to know ourselves, to understand the world, to relate to those around us, and to learn new skills. This is good curiosity. We ought to encourage it in our children and in ourselves. After all, when we lose our curiosity about life, we take our first step away from influencing it.

I am certainly not against curiosity.

But I am against being curious about everything. And I am all for a limited approach. I am a supporter of intentionally discerning what is appropriate to be curious about. Because you can not grow in one area of life if you are curious about all.

There is freedom to be found in limited curiosity. And there is actually greater opportunity to be found in limiting it than can be found in letting it run unchecked.

Our world has become a constant feed of information and entertainment. And without an intentional, limited approach to curiosity, our minds are left to wander into all areas of society that do not directly concern us. These wanderings keep us from effectiveness. Consider for just a moment some of the things we may concern ourselves with during any given day:

Celebrity gossip.
Intimate life details of old friends/neighbors.
Accomplishments/failures of others.
Entertainment television/news.
Political affairs.
Technological rumors.
Scandals.

Our information age has made unbridled curiosity a constantly available distraction. With a simple click of the mouse or swipe of the thumb, we are instantly transported into a world that will gladly meet our every questioning. They will encourage us to seek them out. When we do, they will encourage us to concern our minds with more affairs outside our control. And in so doing, we lose all track of the immediate, beautiful world right in front of us.

We would be wise to limit our curiosity. We simply don’t need to know all that we want to know. Instead, we ought to concern ourselves with the potential and the relationships that have been entrusted to us. We would live lives of far greater significance if we did.

Image: Bailey Rae Weaver

The Completely Achievable Path to Becoming a One-Income Family

First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.

Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.

My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.

Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.

Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:

1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.

2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.

3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.

4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.

5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.

6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.

7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.

 8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.

Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.

Image: Keoni Cabral

Want to Find Your Life Passion? Start by Simplifying Your Life

Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Barrie Davenport of BarrieDavenport.com.

Remember when you were a child waking up on the morning of your birthday? You stretch and yawn, and at first it feels like any other morning. Then the realization that it’s your birthday reaches your conscious awareness.

You are suddenly transformed. A wave of excitement and joyful anticipation washes over you. The day is going to be amazing — filled with surprises, fun, and celebration. You feel fully alive at that moment. You throw the covers back and race downstairs to greet the day.

Wouldn’t it be extraordinary if you could wake up that way now? How would it feel to greet every single day with that level of enthusiasm — or at least the adult version of it?

When you have a passion in life — especially a passion fueled by vision and purpose — you can wake up with that same joy and enthusiasm. When you’re engaged in something that is fulfilling, fun, and meaningful, you are truly in the flow of “peak experience” living.

Is that peak experience of living really possible on a regular basis? Yes it is. I have it in my own life, and I see it in others every day.

In my work as a life passion coach, I partner with people to help uncover their life passions and find a way to live their passion within the practical context of their lives. This work is a process of self-discovery, addressing roadblocks, prioritizing, and creating specific actions to move them from their current life to a life more aligned with their calling.

One of the most important steps in uncovering and living your passion is creating the space in your inner and outer world to make room for passion.

Unlike children, we adults have cluttered our lives with emotional baggage, crammed schedules, and physical stuff. We are swimming in a sea of pollution that inhibits us from having clarity, energy, and time — necessary ingredients in creating a passionate life.

All of this “stuff” overwhelms us and paralyzes us from taking action. We have no idea where to start or what to do first. So quite often, we do nothing. And thus everything stays the same.

Clearing the clutter of your inner and out life is important work. It forces you to take an honest look at yourself and your life to see how you have strayed from the path of becoming the person you want to be — the person you are authentically.

If you are interested in finding and living your own life passion, beginning this clean-up work is a great place to start.

Here are three ways you can simplify and clean up your life to create the space for passionate living:

Emotions

Our emotions are crazy little things. We can be cruising along feeling perfectly fine and then one morning wake up with a dark cloud hovering over us. We might feel sad, anxious, annoyed, or just out-of-sorts for no obvious reason. It is normal to have occasional emotional disturbances. They are part of life and often tied to circumstances that are short-lived — the weather, hormone fluctuations, poor sleep, stress, etc.

But it’s the emotions that hang around for a while, impacting your ability to enjoy life and function fully, that need your full attention. Feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, bitterness, fear, or general malaise lasting for weeks or months, are huge signals that you need to clean your emotional house. These negative emotions will sabotage any efforts you make toward finding and living your passion. With every step you take toward your passion, your emotions will drag you backward with low self-esteem, doubt, fear, and lethargy. You want your emotional state to be clear, simple, and peaceful so you have the energy to pursue your passion.

When it is not, you must use whatever mental and physical energy you do possess to restore your emotional balance. Allowing anxiety, sadness and depression to linger and remain untreated can lead to a spiral of despair. Many people resist seeking help because they feel they should be able to handle these emotions themselves. But the most proactive and life-affirming decision is to seek support from a doctor or therapist to treat both the symptoms and the root cause of these emotions. If you don’t address the cause, the symptoms will continue to clutter your psyche and hold you back.

You can support your emotional clean-up through self-care with exercise, meditation, proper diet, walking in nature, spending time with supportive friends, and practicing positive affirmations. Even staying highly focused on an engaging activity will help you forget about your negative emotions. Avoid ruminating or over-thinking, as repetitive thoughts only reinforce negative feelings.

Often simplifying your life in other ways (see below) will help you calm and simplify your emotions by reducing stress and overwhelm.

Adrenaline Lifestyle

We’ve been conditioned to believe that the more we schedule our lives, the more we can multi-task, the longer and harder we work, the more valuable we are to society. Perhaps we are more valuable to those we accommodate with our adrenaline-fueled lifestyles. But we are diminishing ourselves in the process.

Aside from the obvious health consequences of living this way (stress, exhaustion, etc.), an adrenaline-fueled life leaves no room for self-reflection, creative experimentation, or clear decision-making required for finding a life passion. We are stuck on a treadmill of tasks, commitments, and useless time-fillers because we haven’t allowed ourselves the space to know what our deepest desires might be.

It is hard to detach from this lifestyle, to cut back to the essentials to give yourself space. We often feel guilty that we are letting others down or worried that we might be perceived as lazy and non-productive. But the purpose of life isn’t to produce. It’s to live fully and joyfully. We aren’t here to accommodate other people’s hopes and dreams. We are meant to fulfill our own. And by living your passion, you are serving the world in a far more profound way than by checking off items on a to-do list.

So how can you detach and simplify your lifestyle? You can begin by giving yourself one hour a week to devote to the act of simplifying. Start by looking at everything that takes your time during your waking hours to assess the most obvious places you can cut back. Begin with the easiest changes first so that you become accustomed to saying “no” to yourself and others. Train yourself to embrace “free” time to use for introspection and creative thought.

Part of the process of simplifying your life is determining your life priorities. You may have many interests and many seeming obligations, but it’s impossible to pursue all of them with any depth and enjoyment. Pick your top five and focus intently on those. Allow yourself to be deeply engaged in the task at hand without worrying about the next item on the list. Becoming deeply engaged puts you in that state of “flow” that is immensely peaceful and satisfying. By simplifying your lifestyle, you will create some of the necessary emotional healing mentioned above.

Physical Clutter

You might wonder why physical clutter and the accumulation of material things might impact your ability to find and live your life passion — but it has a huge impact. As part of our adrenaline fueled lives, we’ve be led to believe that the accumulation of stuff is a worthy goal. More outward symbols of success reveals to the world that we are worthy and important.

But as you’ve probably learned, material things require time and energy. A big home is expensive and needs to be cleaned and maintained. A fancy car requires money, maintenance, and fosters the subtle anxiety that it might get scratched or stolen. More gadgets, iPads, computers, televisions, and other electronics pull us away from real interactions with family and friends.

We hold on to stuff and have closets filled with clothes we don’t wear, papers scattered on our desks, books and magazines we are done with, other things we hang on to “just in case we might need it some day.” But all of this stuff creates mental agitation and distraction. It’s like a scratchy sweater that is subtly irritating, but we don’t think it’s worth doing something about it.

An abundance of things and unnecessary physical clutter drains us of energy we could put toward living a creative, passionate life. Instead of constantly reorganizing things, cleaning, repairing, and getting absorb by electronic images, we could be experiencing and creating something that is deeply fulfilling, fun, and important.

You can reclaim that energy by clearing the physical clutter, throwing away and giving away things you know longer use or that are distractions for you. As you open up this physical space, you will also reclaim time to pursue your passion — a far more valuable way to spend your precious hours.

As you simplify your life by cleaning up your emotions, lifestyle, and physical space, you will find that life in general is less of a struggle. You will give yourself breathing room for self-discovery, exploration, and creative ideas. And these create the fertile ground for finding and living your life passion.

***

Barrie Davenport is a life passion coach, author, and founder of BarrieDavenport.com, a site devoted to helping people uncover and live their life passions. You can also find her on Twitter.

Image: tipiro

The Conversation You’re Not Having, But Should Probably Start

“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” - Catherine Gilbert Murdock

The statistics remain nothing short of alarming:

50% of Americans have less than one month of savings saved for emergencies.
One in four Americans has no savings at all.
More than 30% of households earning over $100K still live paycheck to paycheck.
Among indebted households, the average amount of credit card debt tops $15,000.
The average U.S. household debt is 136 percent of household income.
57% of households do not have a budget.
Almost half of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.
In one survey, money more than sex, children or in-laws—was the most common conflict for American couples.

The statistics concerning our personal financial habits are downright sad. And yet, nobody is talking about it… at least, not in personal terms.

Money continues to remain one of the most least-discussed topics in our society. Just to be clear, there may be plenty of magazines, websites, and books written about money. But the topic is rarely discussed with any specificity in our interpersonal relationships. This truth exists for a number of reasons:

We have been conditioned since a young age to not ask the questions.
We have fears of looking foolish in our personal decision-making – that our spending will reveal too much about us.
We worry about stirring up envy or comparison among our friends and family.
We are concerned about how we will be perceived.
It seems easier to just go at it alone.

But our silence is ruining us. We have so much to learn from one another in all aspects of life – including money. And it is clear that not having the conversation is negatively affecting us as persons, as families, and as a society. Personal finance is a conversation we need to be having with one another. We need to find the humility and the boldness to start asking the right questions.

Here are a few tips to get started:

1. Embrace humility and create a list of financial questions you need answered. How much money do I really need? Do I make enough money to purchase _______? How do I begin the process of getting out of debt? Should I be saving for retirement / my child’s college education? What is a credit score? How much money do other people spend on _______? Am I doing my taxes the right way? It sure seems like I spend a lot of money on ________, I wonder if that’s average? … You get the idea. Your specific questions are going to vary based on your lifestyle, but I think you’ll find the exercise to be far easier than you think.

2. Bring your best “I need some help” attitude. Find a friend you trust with these matters. Arrange a private moment to ask some of your questions. With an open mind and heart, begin asking any appropriate question from your list above. Take the high road of humility and ask for help using specifics – yours, not theirs. Keeping the focus on yourself will keep the pressure off of them.

3. Look for other opinions. Not every person will be an expert on every topic. In fact, most of them will simply answer your questions based on personal experience. It may be wise to ask the same questions of 2 or more different people to get well-rounded responses.

4. Seek out an expert. You likely have included a few questions in your list above that will require an expert opinion. For example, my list includes questions pertaining to taxes, online business accounting, saving for a child’s college education, and health care costs. While there are other questions on my list, these specific ones require an expert opinion. Pay if necessary, but consider your network of friends first. You likely have a friend that will gladly answer some of these questions for free. People love to help.

5. Include your family. Assuming your family is healthy and mature, don’t hesitate to ask specific questions of them. If you see members of your family acting foolishly with their finances, approach the subject. Likewise, if you are the one who needs the help making wise financial decisions, go to them. They love you the most and will be glad to help. Similarly, if your parents are aging, personal financial status is a conversation you need to be having with them.

6. Look for community help. Many local communities offer classes on personal finance. If you need help, look into your options. Sometimes these classes are offered through a local Parks and Recreation department. Others times they can be found available at local churches or nonprofit organizations.

No doubt, money is a great source of anxiety for many. Our world is filled with people making unwise choices. And most of us have a few questions about personal finance we’d like answered. Meanwhile, the answers are all around us… we just need to swallow our pride long enough to ask.

Image: Bohman