Michael Kindt's Blog, page 509
June 22, 2011
June 21, 2011
Sarah Palin® and Bristol Palin® trademark their names.The former...
Sarah Palin® and Bristol Palin® trademark their names.
The former Alaska governor and 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee fulfilled the requirements for trademarking her name, barring any unusual administrative findings, said Cynthia Lynch, a representative for the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The trademark was filed for "educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational speaking services in the field of politics, culture, business and values."
The trademark will allow Sarah® to sue for a cut of the profits from Nailin' Palin', the feel good porn hit of 2008. "There's a lot of money in porn," said Sarah®, "and since I helped generate some it, I think I should get a piece. It's actually not a bad little movie, to be frank. In one scene, Lisa Ann, the worthless slut who plays me, pretends to cum so hard she cries out, 'I'm speaking in tongues!' LOL. I've actually done that with my faithful houseboy, Benito."
Bristol Palin®'s trademark will apply to "educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational speaking services in the field of life choices."
"I've always liked my name," said Bristol®, 20. "Mom and dad were having a bastard of a time thinking one up for me and it wasn't until the 9th month that they came up with Bristol®."
"Yep," agreed Sarah®, "I had gotten wasted the night before with some hunters at the bar and in the morning I was standing in the bathroom eating aspirin. For some reason, I flipped the bottle over and saw Bristol-Myers Squibb, which my handlers tell me is the company that makes all the aspirin. Boom! I had a name for my daughter."
"Thank god you didn't make my middle name Myers Squibb, Mom," said Bristol®.
"I wasn't that drunk," said Sarah®.
"LOL," said Bristol®.
full story
FUCK YEAH AXIAL TILT
Today is, for those of us who live on top of the little blue ball of Earth, the first day of summer. For those who live on the bottom of the little blue ball, it's the first day of winter.
Our planet is wobbly, and it wobbles and wobbles as it flits around the sun in an infinite black void. This wobble makes it appear like the sun is moving around in the sky, but it isn't. Our sky, which is attached to our planet like a sun roof, is actually the one one doing the moving around. People say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but they're wrong. Axial tilt is the reason for the season. The axial tilt is simply the current state of planetary wobble.
I really like the word 'wobble', by the way. Say it with me: wobblewobblewobble.
Because our planet is tilting back and forth, back and forth—wobbling!—the sun appears to move back and forth, back and forth. It goes north in the sky, then south. The summer solstice, known as The First Day of Summer, to her friends, is the exact moment when the sun stops going forth and begins going back. That moment will happen today at precisely 1:16 pm Eastern time, or 11:16 am Mountain time for you lucky ones, who, like me, live close to the sky. At 1:15, the sun will appear to be moving north, but at 1:17 it will appear to be moving south.
For people like Nicole Kidman, AC/DC, the All Blacks, and Flight of the Conchords that precise moment is not the summer solstice. It's the winter solstice, known to her friends as The First Day of Winter. To these folks, the sun appears to be coming back, not going forth.
So let's all take a moment today and appreciate the fact that we're zooming through an infinite black void on a wobbly blue ball. We're stuck here together, you and I, so maybe let's be nice to each other.
Seriously. What else is there to do?
June 20, 2011
Bell peppers are god's way of saying, "See. I do to...
Bell peppers are god's way of saying, "See. I do to exist, motherfucker."
Damn, I love these things. I mean, I always knew I was a huge fan, but I realized today that I eat on average one a day. They are on the expensive side, so that means I spend quite a bit of money on these beautiful, delectable things.
Because of the move, I won't have a garden this year, but I did go out and get a few bell pepper plants. Oddly, each plant cost about as much as a single bell pepper, and each will produce several. Economics 101.
I like to let a few turn bright red and dry out, then pulverize them in my mortar, creating a yummy powder that is earthy, musky, and slightly sweet.
So my pepper plants live in buckets out in the yard and I have fun watering them and moving them around so they stay in full sun. Good times.
This has been a post.
Diamond Conglomerate Attempts to Silence Critical...
Diamond Conglomerate Attempts to Silence Critical Parody*
Anonymous satirists created NYTimes-se.com, a website which parodies The New York Times. It included an obviously satirical advertisement for the diamond conglomerate De Beers, which read in part: "Your purchase of a diamond will enable us to donate a prosthetic for an African whose hand was lost in diamond conflicts. DeBeers: from her fingers to his."
Not amused, De Beers demanded that the site be removed by the domain name registrar, Joker.com. EFF defended the website's right to free speech and prevented its removal.
*from the EFF's Takedown Hall of Shame
More about the Electronic Frontier Foundation
June 19, 2011
The Wax Bananas ~ Mexican Leisure SuitIn honor of father's...
The Wax Bananas ~ Mexican Leisure Suit
In honor of father's day, my son and his band, The Wax Bananas. They're actually starting to make money at it, and I am waiting patiently for the mansion he's going to buy me as payment for, oh, the ten or so grand I've spent on lessons and equipment over the years. Ahem. You listening, H?
Here's the free, three-track album they put together last week. Here's some pics (photos by John):
Here's what he looked like about a year after I ejaculated into his mother. Here's another awesome photo of him by John. Holy shit can that boy take pictures!
The weird thing about being homeless is that you have nowhere to go.
It seems obvious, doesn't it. It's true, though. It's really a very odd feeling. Imagine walking down the street and having nowhere at all to go. No home, no work, no store, no friend's house, not even a car to "go" to. Where ever you're at, you're already "there". You become a feature of the urban landscape, like a park bench or a trashcan or a manhole cover.
Yes, it's a very odd feeling, a very exposed feeling, a very nowhere-to-turn feeling. There are many other considerations, such as what to eat, where to sleep, etc., but at 3 o'clock in the afternoon you're just standing there on the sidewalk or under a lightpole, waiting, waiting. Waiting to grow tired, waiting to grow hungry.
You can go to the Mission for a place to sleep if you get there by 9 pm and blow zeros on the breathalyzer. If you're late or buzzed, you have to stay outside like a bush. You can also get a meal there, once a day, at 9 am. In my experience it wasn't the 'soup kitchen' you always hear about. They had other things. It was more like the school lunch program when I was a kid: fluorescent frozen veggies, a chewy fishstick-looking thing, a gooey pile of mushed potato product. I don't know what they feed kids these days, but in my day they tried to kill us or at least stunt our growth.
The simple pleasures in life, like tobacco or alcohol, are very frowned upon when you have nowhere to go. Society says you're not supposed to have escape even though you need it more than anyone, certainly more than the chubby people sitting on their couches and bitching about how there's nothing to watch while they flip through their 400 channels. No, society wants you clear-headed and sober as a judge when you're wallowing around at the very bottom of life. They want you to take it all in and feel it vividly. Your pain, if anything, should be increased, not dulled. You're a worthless piece of homeless trash who doesn't deserve even a moment of simple, chemically-induced pleasure, so says society as it pops anti-depressants like candy and stomps its feet like toddlers and insists that it's sick, mommy, sick. Suffer, motherfucker, they say, by not giving you change for a pack of smokes or a bottle of cheap wine. Suffer like me, and they go off and get fatter and sicker, go off and sit in their cubicles waiting to fill their prescriptions, waiting to finally die.
The worst thing about being homeless, however, the very worst thing of all, is not that you have nowhere to go or even that you have nowhere you CAN go, it's that it felt like the most honest and dignified way to live in the modern world.
