Michael Kindt's Blog, page 442
November 29, 2011
DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THE PLIGHT OF THE FUCKING NUTS
Every town has its lunatics. If you live in a small enough town, you encounter the same ones over and over again. There used to be town drunks and before that village idiots. Now, local lunatics.
They're people so odd the government gives them a check to stay the way they are, apparently for my entertainment.
Being extremely eccentric is only possible if you're fabulously wealthy, like Michael Jackson was (shivers), or if someone else is footing the bill. Otherwise, you have to come out from under the bed, put your bra on INSIDE your shirt, and get your ass to fucking work like the rest of us.
A friend of mine calls their government hand-outs Stupid Checks, but this isn't accurate. They receive them because they have been defined as mentally ill, which is meaningless. In my experience, they seem fine, just really, really weird.
Also, for the record, I have no problem AT ALL with them getting money from the government. In fact, they should all get raises. I have no problem with anyone who isn't filthy rich getting money from the government. I know a woman who lies about how poor she is so her welfare check is bigger. Fuck yeah, I say. With the trillions of dollars our government forks over to rich corporate fucktards, there's no way padding your poverty for an extra hundred bucks a month is wrong. It's wrong if you don't, I say.
Here in my town, we have Gomez, who plays the lottery obsessively, who has a whole system for playing the lottery, who has this system all written out in dozens of notebooks, which he carries with him everywhere he goes in a dirty backpack, and which he tries to get everyone he comes across to look at.
He also has, for reasons unknown, a vendetta against the local mortician, whom he insists is a necrophiliac. If you won't listen to his lottery system, he'll talk about that, about necrophilia. Graphically. Right there in the pasta aisle of the supermarket.
This guy Gomez is paid by the government, because, like killing brown people and delivering the mail, being fucking nuts is a Federal job.
On Sunday I met a new lunatic, a barefoot woman in her 60s wearing a dirty pink babydoll dress. The dress, her make-up, her hairstyle (pigtails), all were frighteningly incongruous on a woman her age. It looked like she was in costume, but it was 8:30 in the morning.
I was coming out of the gas station and she was standing there looking into my car. I said hello to her as I approached.
"Do you know Destiny?" she asked me.
"No." I said. I wanted to get in and drive away, but she was standing right in front of the door. I thought about going around, getting in the passenger side, and sliding across the seat. My NUTdar was blaring.
"Are you sure?" She smiled at me playfully. She thought I was pulling her leg.
"Positive."
"This sure looks like Destiny's car."
"Nope. My car."
She began peering through the window again. "She likes to hide. She might be hiding in there."
"Nope," I said. I am a man of few words when talking to the insane. "Excuse me." I reached around her and pulled the door open, which moved her out of the way.
"Oh, well," she said as I climbed in. "If you see her tell her Candy says Hi."
"I'll do that."
"She's really small, Destiny is, so you have to keep your eyes open."
"I will be ever watchful for Destiny," I said.
"She likes to hide, too, so you might not even know she's there."
I drove away, watching her in my rearview mirror. She was laughing.
November 28, 2011
Holy fucking shit! In light of this, I feel I have no choice but...
Holy fucking shit!
In light of this, I feel I have no choice but to direct your attention HERE. It is cyber Monday after all.
Hello, I'm Mike and I got my teeth cleaned today.
I had a dreamand you were in it,you were thereand helped me...
I had a dream
and you were in it,
you were there
and helped me through it.
I had a dream
of blood and screams,
the dream I dream
each time I dream,
and you were there
like weight or strong.
You were there
and got me through it.
I had a dream
of loss of life,
broken limb,
and hell and strife,
and you were there,
you were,
along with me
and two French potatoes
made out of sandwiches
who argued vehemently
about the demise
of the family sit-down meal.
They lamented loudly
in thick accents
as radiation seeped
from the fridge
like deathly custard,
killing my father
who clenched a rusted wrench
in a trembling hand,
his tears and saliva
mingling on the kitchen floor
in pools of sadness.
But you were there
and you talked me through it,
explaining everything
carefully
as you wore,
for some reason,
a cowboy hat.
If he is a tattoo artist what shop does he work at? Otherwise, he's just another hillbilly making bad decisions
Come now. Hillbillies make great decisions. Look at George Bush.
THE GREAT ASSWIPE CON OF 2011These days, toilet paper is...
THE GREAT ASSWIPE CON OF 2011
These days, toilet paper is everywhere. It is one of the humblest hallmarks of civilization and is widely used, even in the American South. This year in Florida, however, it was used to bilk elderly customers out of more than 3 million dollars.
Federal prosecutors have dubbed it "The Great Asswipe Con of 2011".
According to the Miami Herald, three individuals, two males and a female, who worked for FBK Products in West Palm Beach made unsolicited calls to age-addled retirees and convinced them to purchase unnecessary septic products using high-pressure sales tactics and outright lies.
Claiming to be affiliated with government agencies such as the Food and Drug Administration and Environmental Protection Agency, the "salespeople" convinced their victims to buy special soaps, detergents, and toilet paper, all of which were unneeded and expensive. In some cases, victims were convinced to buy so much toilet paper it would take 70 years to use it all (20 years if eating Taco Bell regularly).
On Friday, Newt Gingrich, taking a break from the campaign trail to dine on a few dozen donuts with his future ex-wife Callista, called the case "a shame" and "a prime example of the federal government overstepping its bounds to squash good old American entrepreneurialism."
He then excused himself to go to the bathroom for the 8th time, even though it wasn't even noon yet.
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November 27, 2011
cynicaljess replied to your post: We always dance around the real issue in Abortion.
Just to play...
Just to play devils advocate, don't you also think along with the right to control our output of children (aka have sex) comes the duty of doing so responsibly?
Yes. But why punish someone who doesn't by forcing them to carry a child they don't want? Why create an unwanted child because someone was irresponsible with sex?
involutus replied to your post: We always dance around th...
No. You obviously don't see the beauty of human life. People aren't dancing around the truth- they are addressing the issue from their hearts. Why must you have such a cynical point of view?
I don't feel it is cynical, but realistic. All life is beautiful, but parts of it are also ugly. Refusing to see the ugliness doesn't make it go away. The right to reproduce or not is bound up in the ability.
We always dance around the real issue in Abortion.
We argue about the nature of the fetus. Is it alive or not? We bring up issues of rape and incest, but this is all side-stepping.
The thing about abortion is that we have the prerogative to control our own output of children, regardless. It is a prerogative exercised throughout nature when animals are under stress or when food is scarce, but in a far more brutal way.
For some reason, we have convinced ourselves that all children are special and unique, but the fact is they're not. Most of them aren't even remotely interesting.
Who do you think all those people in traffic jams are?
"You could be aborting someone who will cure cancer!" some people say, but it's much more likely you are aborting a future serial killer.
But again, we dance around the truth: abortion is simply controlling our own output of children for whatever reason and regardless of the nature and meaning of those children. It is an activity that has always been carried out among humans and one that has always been carried out by other species as well, and it is not pretty.
Abortion should be made as rare as possible through education, contraception, and adoption, but even then unwanted pregnancies will happen. Thus abortions will happen, legal or not, whether you agree with them or not.
Part of being able to reproduce is being able to NOT reproduce. It's as simple as that.
Buncha new people following me, or, as I like to call them, "Geniuses."
Hello, there. I'm Mike, but you can call me Steve. No one else does, so you might as well. Often, I will squirt Layers of Love Soft Raspberry Refreshing Body Mist with Grapefruit and Pineapple all over my junk and feel the burn, baby.
I like to drink, but am sober at the moment. I have a dentist appoint on Monday morning and earlier tonight I ate almost an entire loaf of French bread while I watched a bizarre show about hoarding called, weirdly enough, Hoarders.
I'm a little tired and wish I had some Dr. Pepper. You can talk to me if you want, but there's a pretty good chance I'll ignore you. It isn't personal, I just honestly don't know what to say.
Please to meet ya.
November 26, 2011
I NEED A DOCUMENTARY
These reality shows are making me despair. Usually, documentaries are about war and that sucks, though.
I like ancient Egypt. Ancient Egypt is cool. Or something on ancient Japan.
Rome
Crete (Minoans)
FUCK YEAH VIKINGS!
the British Celts
Charlemagne
the Eleusinian Mysteries
Vienna in the 18th Century
Gutenberg
Neanderthals (not Jersey Shore!)
Something. Anything.
