Michael Kindt's Blog, page 429

So.

I went to a bar, an "Irish pub", and drank German beer, because the Irish are good for nothing unless we're talking whisky.

Which I wasn't.

I tried to work on my story and I got an important conversation down and then I got a call from THE WAX BANANAS. They were doing a year-end show along with all the other local punk bands.

So I went to that.

I was pretty buzzed at that point. SKULLETS, the DIY punk rock venue here in town has no booze license, so it ain't legal to drink there. Thus, there's a lot of plastic Pepsi cups full of vodka.

We do what we can.

Fun was had. I didn't mosh, though I came close. I watched the youngsters mosh, though, and they did well.

I was proud of them.

Then I went to a bar, and I was drinking there, and smiling, and realized I couldn't drive. I am all old and seriously against drinking and driving. New Year's Eve is just around the corner…don't do it. It ain't worth it and is truly WRONG.

There are people in the world, regular people, going about their shit, buying groceries or whatever, and they shouldn't have to worry about your drunk ass running them over.

Tonight I got a cab. I am a responsible adult. Fuck yeah :)

can I has free book. :D

Are you 18? Be honest. If so yes AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE TONIGHT. Address in my ask. Signed and delivered :)

48 Hours with anyone you wish or an endless supply of fresh breadsticks whenever you please?

If it was 20 years ago, Courtney Love. Back when she was curvy and weird, man, I had a hard-on for her. Nowadays, hook me up with that Brandi girl from Storage Wars. I got sumthin needs storin and I know the perfect shed.

would you fuck me; lawls

If you're 18, absolutely. All night long…unless I get tired and want pizza. I am pro pizza. Pizza trumps sex, even with an 18 year old..

"Mitt Romney, a man so generic he makes plain white bread...

"Mitt Romney, a man so generic he makes plain white bread look like Mexican food." ~ Michael Kindt. Article.

Yet Another Generic Rich White DudeIt looks as though Mitt...

Yet Another Generic Rich White Dude

It looks as though Mitt Romney is going to win Iowa, at least according to the most recent polls. Gone are the days of No More Mister Nice Newt.

Gingrich briefly filled the vacuum that was created when Herman Cain evacuated the race after being outed as the SNL character 'The Ladies Man'. Then about a week later everyone remembered who Newt was and his numbers collapsed.

I miss Newt. He was truly evil, like a crazy James Bond villain stroking a cat in front of a bank of controls with which he plans to destroy the world. Candidate Newt would have been terribly fun. You guys probably don't know this about him, but he was actually the inspiration for the Metallica song 'The Thing That Should Not Be'. Cool, huh?

But c'est la vie. Mitt will probably win Iowa and that will thrust him deep into the front-runner's position. He is also leading in New Hampshire, a state next door to Massachusetts and a place where he has one of his mansions. It's practically a Romney fief and a certain shoe-in.

The fact that I am having trouble making fun of him says much. If this article were about Bachmann or Perry or, alas, my long lost Newt, I would have it written and scientifically hilarious inside 15 minutes. But it's about Mitt, a man so generic he makes plain white bread look like Mexican food.

I knew it all along, though. I knew the Republicans were going to field yet another generic rich white dude, despite its flirtation with "feminism" in the form crazy ex-girlfriend types like Bachmann and Palin, despite its casting of Herman Cain in the role of "token black man killed first by the terrible monster".

I always knew it would be someone boring, someone white, someone rich, someone male. Think about it: if there was a mentally stable Republican woman with brains and a heart, she'd be a Democrat. Seriously. So generic rich white dude here we come.

Romney is almost perfect for this role, having been designed and built by generic rich white dude engineers at the generic rich white dude factory in China. He says whatever you want to hear, revealing impeccable wiring and programming worthy of a sleek Steve Jobs gizmo.

Unfortunately for the Republicans and their regressive philosophy not enough people buy into anymore, he won't win unless the Supreme Court steps in and subverts the election like it did a dozen years before. Even I doubt they would try that again so soon and in this political climate. Besides, it's not like Obama is any threat to the status quo.

First Lady Michele, you can stop packing.

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Sporadically throughout the month I will go to the post office...

Sporadically throughout the month I will go to the post office and check my mail. It's usually just bills and I simply throw those away. People have been trained to think that bad credit is a bad thing. Weird.

This time around, I actually got something I wanted to keep, something I took back out to the car with me, something I even took clear home. My package from Jade Bos.

Who's stoked? This girl.

I wrote a blurb for Jade's new book and so I got a free a copy, as well as the official book t-shirt (pictured), the official book post cards, and the official book plastic vampire teeth. Jade himself created the artwork in the book, on the postcards, and on the t-shirt, plus he even grew the cotton and weaved the t-shirt using his own two hands. He lives in the south, you see. I am also pretty sure he carved the plastic vampire teeth out of an actual plastic vampire tree.

I was being facetious in the blurb, unlike I'm being now, but I did enjoy the book. It's silly with a dark silly side. I giggled, tittered, chuckled, and guffawed, like I was some sort of comic book character. When I was done reading it, I sat the book down on the nightstand with a ker-plunk!

Prance on over to Hookers or Cake, Jade's website, but only if your dildo is poised at the ready.

Today, the library is full of weird people.Usually, it's...

Today, the library is full of weird people.

Usually, it's just me and the homeless, but today there are small groups of young men wearing suits sitting in various clumps and configurations throughout the first floor. Young men dressed like bankers.

Very odd.

I have trouble getting any work done on the Book of the Dead because I am too fascinated by them. I keep walking past them, trying to snag bits of converstaion, but it is difficult because they are actually hushing their voices. Unlike the homeless, they view this place as a real library rather than a living room.

I am happy with my table today. Even though I didn't get here until almost 1 pm, I got one of the best, most out-of-the-way tables clear over by the wall, hidden by many shelves. It is so remote I could even masturbate, but won't.

That would be gross.

There are three copies of the the Egyptian Book of the Dead here and I take all three of them to my remote table. One I reject out of hand. It is a New Agey, Neo-Pagany "re-imagining". Thus, it is not the Book of the Dead at all. It's title is a lie. The other one seems to be ABOUT the Book of the Dead rather than THE Book of the Dead.

Reject.

The third is a homerun. Published in 1906, it is actually a translation of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. Immediately, I go to the index and write down all the page numbers mentioning Thoth. Then I go on the prowl again to see if I can figure out who all these young men are.

At a round table where four of them are sitting I try something different. Instead of walking by and attempting to capture a snippet or two of hushed conversation, I walk right up to them and just stand there and listen.

For a full minute.

The young men continue to talk, but then fall nervously silent. They begin looking at me.

"Hello," I say, and smile. I don't try to be, but I am an intimidating looking guy. I have been told I look "mean". Actually, I'm a pussycat who catches bugs and puts them outside instead of squishing them, but looking mean has its advantages—for example, at a biker bar or a punk rock show. Or the library.

:)

I walk away before the young men summon security. I am happy, for I got enough information to figure out what they are.

Mormons!

They are young Mormon men doing their required missionary work. How cool. Well, to be fair, they are wasting time in the library instead of doing their missionary work due to the cold weather, but still.

Mystery solved.

I go back to my remote table, grinning, back to the ancient Book of the Dead and the great god Thoth, the ibis-headed giver of magic and writing. Perhaps now I will be free to learn something.

Little doll says "Ok, crazy bitch."Manufactured...

Little doll says "Ok, crazy bitch."

Manufactured exclusively for Toys R Us by China, which manufactures everything not only for Toys R Us, but the entire United States, the doll has become controversial among really bored white people, who hilariously see it as a threat to their children.

Toys R Us contends that their customers are hearing things.

"You know that Electronic Voice Phenomena crap those stupid ghosts shows do?" said Toys R Us spokeswoman Jennifer Albueno. "It's along those lines."

Pauline Davison, a grandmother, disagreed. "I'm stunned … There's no mistake about it. The baby does use the B-word that ends in H," Davis said. "I'm so glad I didn't give it to my little granddaughter, whose life, no doubt, would have been utterly destroyed."

There are no plans to remove the dolls from store shelves, thankfully, because, you know, how fucking awesome is this?

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THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN DEATH.