Michael Kindt's Blog, page 419
January 19, 2012
I just made the best fucking salad in the Cosmos. It was so good I had to race over here and tell you, the internet, that I just made the best fucking salad in the Cosmos.
First of all, kalamata olives. I don't piss around when I make a salad. I make it like a man, like fucking Clint Eastwood, all squint-eyed and kalamata-olive-using. There are people walking around on this planet right this very minute who don't like kalamata olives, but that's ok because I am very accepting of pathetic loseriness.
Next, the base: iceberg lettuce, which featured prominently in the salads served aboard the Titanic, ironically enough. The amount I used is called in technical culinary parlance "a baseball-sized hunk". I chopped it up on my bamboo cutting board with the awesome red knife I got for Christmas.
Then you need a little feta cheese, chopped portabella, grape tomatoes (six or eight), and a stout clump of alfalfa spouts.
Now toss that salad, baby. Oh, yeah, you know how daddy likes it.
The dressing I make myself and it is comprised of extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar and white wine tarragon vinegar. Predominantly it is vinegar, though, mostly balsamic. Seasoned with salt, pepper, thyme, oregano, garlic powder, and onion powder, then shaken like a Polaroid picture.
Jesus christ it was good. I ate the living shit out of that salad. Rabbits all over the globe hung their furry little heads in shame. It was the perfect punctuation point for the sentence of 8 beers I had just drunk.
Now if you will excuse me, I am off to continue my never-ending awesomeness.
January 18, 2012
THE DESIRE TO CONTROL THE FLOW OF INFORMATION IS THE REAL MEDIA...
THE DESIRE TO CONTROL THE FLOW OF INFORMATION IS THE REAL MEDIA BIAS — originally posted November 29, 2011
Recently, Fox News ran a story about which of the last three presidents mentioned God the most in their Thanksgiving addresses. They did this because, as everyone knows, whoever mentions God the most wins. The more you talk about God, you see, the more religious you are. You guys knew that, right?
Obama, the most recent president, has had only three Thanksgivings so far in which to mention God, and he totally dropped the ball on it, too, mentioning God only twice. That's a God-mentioning rate of just 66%.
Like Obama, Bill Clinton is also a member of the party of Satan. When he was president, he had the full complement of eight Thanksgivings in which to mention God, but did so only four times, for a dismal God-mentioning rate of just 50%.
George W. Bush of the Righteous Right had, like Clinton before him, all eight Thanksgivings in which to mention God. He took full advantage of it, too, mentioning God a whopping seven times. While not a hundred percent, I think we can all agree that that's a pretty stellar God-mentioning rate, especially for someone with moderate cocaine-induced brain damage.
Clearly, Mr. Bush is the most religious of the recent presidents and follows the path of Jesus hardcore, even though he lied to all of us about how there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq so that a war could be started in which hundreds of thousands of people died.
"What would Jesus do?" Mr. Bush no doubt asked himself and the answer from on high came back clear as a bell: "Further the global agenda of your neo-con puppetmasters."
Amen.
Of course, this is Fox News were talking about. Everything they say can be immediately dismissed as lies, skewing, or propaganda. Their tagline "fair and balanced" is now regarded by everyone over the age of twelve (chronologically or mentally) as a complete joke. If Fox News is fair and balanced, then so am I—in spades, baby.
All news is biased, to be frank. Reporting the news is and of itself biased. Some information is selected to be shared, while other information is discarded. True, everything can't be reported, but why are the things that are reported, reported? Bias, plain and simple. A person who isn't you determines what is and therefore isn't reported and your job as Faceless Peasant is to sit there with your mouth open saying "Ahhhh."
The internet is killing this, of course, and newspapers are turning out to be the first casualties. Without the internet, no one would have even known about the Occupy Movement, especially if the cops hadn't started brutalizing the non-violent participants. Because of the free exchange of information and the fact that it is mostly citizen-driven, the internet will become greatly regulated and controlled over the next several years.
We have freedom of speech, provided our corporate overlords agree with what we're saying. Saying whatever we want is not acceptable, especially if it hurts the handful of media companies that need to monopolize the distribution of information for their existence.
Obviously, the internet is not immune to bias, but it's big and open enough (for now) that you can find the news you agree with the most. There's a whole slew of left-leaning websites out there if you're bent that way. There are libertarian websites, which are actually just Republican websites that smoke pot. There are anarchist websites, which are actually just libertarian websites that paid attention in college. Of course, there's a ton of right wing sites as well.
Of special historical note among right wingers is the Drudge Report, run by Matt Drudge. One of the first citizen journalists, Matt nearly ripped a hole in the fabric of the universe when he broke the story about the harmless hummer Bill Clinton got from Monica Lewinsky. He and his pretentious hat have been around ever since.
These days the Drudge Report is essentially a collection of links to things Matt wishes were true, plus some shock and prurience thrown in for ratings. Lately, Matt spends his time digging up obscure polls that show the Obama Presidency tanking and "reporting" every incident of violence of the Occupy Movement except for the police brutality. If an Occupier uses the 'F' word in front of a lady, Matt's all over it like dots on dice, but shooting a peaceful demonstrator who also happens to be a veteran in the face with a rubber bullet, nary a word.
Matt Drudge: keepin' real.
Of course, as a right wing website, the Drudge Report will never face the coming regulation. That will be reserved for those who distribute information damaging to the corporatism we're supposed to pretend is free enterprise. SOPA and it's sister law, PIPA, will give corporations the right to censor the internet via their stooge, the US government. And mark my words: these proposed laws are just the beginning.
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MPAA chief: SOPA/PIPA blackouts 'dangerous' gimmick
"Pulling up their pants to protest the proposed buttfucking we want to give them is a dangerous gimmick", declared former Senator Chris Dodd, now chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America. In a statement released Wednesday, Dodd said, "They are misusing their power by informing internet users and getting the people all angered up at our power grab. It isn't fair. We worked really hard at trying to take control of the internet and it's falling apart because everybody knows about it now. Now we are standing here like jackasses with lubed up cocks and no where to stick em." He went on to whine like a little bitch, "It is an irresponsible response and an abuse of power, which is what we wanted to do."
THEN THINGS WOULD BE EXACTLY AS THEY ARE NOW
THEN THINGS WOULD BE EXACTLY AS THEY ARE NOW
January 17, 2012
Containers, man. They're fucking everywhere.
Everything in my house is a container. My books contain words and my shelves contain books and my cupboard contains glasses which will at some point contain liquid which contains the ability to hydrate and fill and satisfy and my kitchen is nothing more than a container for my cupboards and my refrigerator which contains food which contains the ability to fill and satisfy and make fat and sickness and which transforms my body into a container for feces which contains the future because it feeds the plants which feed the animals which feed me.
My head contains a brain which contains cells and electricity and spirit and soul and fire and fuck you. My pants contain cock which contains loneliness from lack of fondling. My shoes contain feet which contain cracking bones and colorless blood pumping ever upward.
Everything is inside something else and the universe which contains infinity and eternity is contained in the mind of god who is contained in the mind of man who basks in ignorance and bathes in brilliance and walks the earth containing life like light like fire.
Excerpt: "Fred The Head"
I started getting tired of pot around 23, 24 years old. To this day, I much prefer alcohol. Pot makes my brain work feverishly, which annoys me since it's always working pretty feverishly anyway. Alcohol blots out the mind and this is something I can really get down with. Sometimes, I just need to sit there with a stupid look on my face and a single thought in my head: PUSSY!
Fred continued on…and on. He smoked pot daily, several times a day, for years on end. I blossomed into a health nut with a mild drinking problem. He turned into a couch potato with love handles who knew a lot about different tv shows and how 'trippy' they were.
"Dude, you gotta check out Adult Swim. It's sooooo fuckin trippy!"
The weird thing is, we remained friends right up until here recently. He still liked drinking occasionally and I still smoked pot occasionally. Hell, I just got baked, like, two weeks ago. But it was clear that we had each found our drug of choice.
We broke up over conspiracy theories. That's right, conspiracy theories. Specifically, his belief and need to talk about how THE GOVERNMENT is behind everything, even as far back as the Lincoln assassination. Of course, THE GOVERNMENT killed Kennedy and did 9/11 and put crack in the ghettos and caused the banking crisis. THE GOVERNMENT faked the moon landing. THE GOVERNMENT installs computer chips in us when we give blood or have surgery. Everything.
Everything you can think of was planned and executed by THE GOVERNMENT. Pot has warped his mind and given him structure. He sees puppet strings everywhere. Plans everywhere. Secret plans that are always executed perfectly.
I would ask him how THE GOVERNMENT could successfully do all this if it couldn't even keep him, Fred the Head, from smoking a simple joint, but that too was part of the plan. You see, when a plan fails, why, that's planned.
Invariably, he had to talk about this shit when we got together and we began hanging out less and less. Sometimes 4 months would go by between hangout sessions. But then I would get bored or lonely and call him up.
The final blow came a few months ago when he revealed that THE GOVERNMENT was really controlled by space aliens. He started rambling on and on about UFOs and Area 51 and Infiltrations of upper echelons and coverups and I just lost it. I just snapped.
I was standing in the kitchen, having just gotten another beer, when his "revelation" came spewing down the mountain of his 15 year long high like a big yellow avalanche of piss.
I paused for a minute, trying to be open-minded, and then began hurling full cans of beer at him as hard as I could.
from EOoN, Volume One
HAS BEEN MADE EVEN SCARIER:The last man on Earth sat alone in a...
HAS BEEN MADE EVEN SCARIER:
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was no knock at the door. Forever.
January 16, 2012
I've been on a forum where the aim was to find and post pictures of all the processed foods in the USA, mostly posted by Americans. Some of the things posted just looked awful. Even our processed food is better than some of the things I saw! I wish we coul
Yeah, it pretty scary. Lots of people just eat whatever tastes good, but, me, I ask more from my food, like, DON'T KILL ME IN TEN YEARS. haha :) Organic food is pretty expensive in the regular stores here, too, which is why the co-op is so awesome. There's no profit motive and it just needs to cover its costs of operation. Most of the people who work there are volunteers. You get an additional 5% off if you volunteer a certain number of hours a week, six I think. I'll probably be doing that next month.
I've been on a forum where the aim was to find and post pictures of all the processed foods in the USA, mostly posted by Americans. Some of the things posted just looked awful. Even our processed food is better than some of the things I saw! I wish we coul
Yeah, it pretty scary. Lots of people just eat whatever tastes good, but, me, I ask more from my food, like, DON'T KILL ME IN TEN YEARS. haha :) Organic food is pretty expensive in the regular stores here, too, which is why the co-op is so awesome. There's no profit motive and it just needs to cover its costs of operation. Most of the people who work there are volunteers. You get an additional 5% off if you volunteer a certain number of hours a week, six I think. I'll probably be doing that next month.
I've been on a forum where the aim was to find and post pictures of all the processed foods in the USA, mostly posted by Americans. Some of the things posted just looked awful. Even our processed food is better than some of the things I saw! I wish we coul
Yeah, it pretty scary. Lots of people just eat whatever tastes good, but, me, I ask more from my food, like, DON'T KILL ME IN TEN YEARS. haha :) Organic food is pretty expensive in the regular stores here, too, which is why the co-op is so awesome. There's no profit motive and it just needs to cover its costs of operation. Most of the people who work there are volunteers. You get an additional 5% off if you volunteer a certain number of hours a week, six I think. I'll probably be doing that next month.
