Icy Sedgwick's Blog, page 87

Good Grammar Kills No One

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The Joy of Reading

I wrote a post over on Write Anything about the joy of reading and I wanted to expand a little on my points and personalise my words, in part to contextualise them and also to explain where I'm coming from.



In the post, I say that it's vital that writers read in their genre in order to know its conventions, and to ensure their work avoids falling into the 'parody' trap. For example, I can always tell when someone has written a steampunk story without having read any steampunk because they include the major stylistic elements, but without any of the 'punch' that puts the punk into the genre's name. Steampunk is more than just brass and cogs. If you read enough of the genre, you'll know what to include - and what to leave out. You'll also know what's been done before.



I also say that it's important that writers familiarise themselves with how other writers use language, but in essence, it's important that writers understand how to string words together. I've read a wide variety of work from a range of periods, genres and writers and I like to think it's influenced the way that I use language. A lot of novice writers write in the way that they speak, but it's important to



Yet there's more to it than that. Reading should be enjoyable. If reading a book feels like a real chore, then ditch the book. Life is too short and there are too many books in the world to waste your time reading crap. I can honestly say that ever since I got my Kindle, I've definitely been reading a lot more. I've divided my reading time between the free classics such as Phantom of the Opera or Jane Eyre (which I'm currently reading), and the books I've bought that are written by my writer friends. I read those texts related to my PhD while commuting, but when I want to get some reading done before bed, out comes the Kindle.



A lot of people say, somewhat piously I think, that they'll never give up real books, usually quoting something about the smell/feel of a physical book, but as far as I'm concerned, a book is a book, regardless of the medium. I love the smell of physical books as much as the next person, and I'd happily live in Barter Books in Alnwick, but my Kindle means I can carry many books in my bag, instead of one, and it's a lot lighter than most paperbacks. OK so a book will never run out of battery and it's not the end of the world if a book gets wet, but having my Kindle has really altered how much, when, and where I read.



Plus it looks awesome in its Frankenstein case.

#FridayFlash - The Dead Do Listen

“I can’t believe you made me do a tour of a catacomb. It’s morbid. No, it’s sick, that’s what it is.” Celia stepped over a small puddle on the cobbled floor. Her foot skidded on the thin layer of moss spreading across the stones.



“Shut up, it’s interesting,” replied Kaye. She hurried to catch up with the small group further down the corridor.



Four thick shelves ran the length of both walls; each held a row of coffins in various states of disrepair. Iron grates or concrete slabs covered some of the loculi. Celia shuddered to think what lay inside the makeshift tombs.



The guide stopped beside an iron grate on the second shelf down. Beyond it lay a narrow coffin. Rot had chewed through the outer oak shell, leaving the lead lining exposed at the end nearest the bars. An illegible plaque hung above the lock.



“This here is the final resting place of Lord Theodore Mountrose. He was a right nasty bugger, according to the gossip of the day.” The guide rapped on the rusty iron grate.



“Really? What did he do?” asked the woman nearest the guide.



“What didn’t he do! He came from a very wealthy family, and was the youngest of four. Some say he was spoiled by his mother, who refused to acknowledge anything he did,” replied the guide. “He fathered his first bastard aged fourteen, with one of the house’s scullery maids. Six months later, she and the child were found dead, drowned in the lake behind Mountrose Hall.”



“Did he kill them?” asked Kaye. Celia elbowed her; it was bad enough she’d had to come on this tour, she didn’t want Kaye drawing attention to them.



“The locals certainly believe he did. By the time the maid died, two more of his father’s maids were in the family way. Both of them died before they could even give birth.”



“What happened to them?” asked a tall bald man. He clutched a dog-eared map of the cemetery.



“One of them jumped off the roof of the house, the other one mysteriously tripped and fell onto a pitchfork. After those scandals, he just got worse. He went from school to school, causing trouble wherever he went. He tried to force his older sister into an incestuous relationship, and she ended up poisoning herself. And-”



A loud knocking interrupted the guide. Soft at first, the gentle rap became an impatient thump. The group looked around the corridor, trying to locate the source of the noise. The guide started back towards the central tunnel. She called to the catacomb warden. Only Celia stared at the coffin behind the grate, her mouth agape.



“Excuse me, you out there! Excuse me! I really do beg to differ!”



The lead lining muffled the voice, but there was no escaping the fact that Lord Mountrose wanted to set the record straight.




* * *


The Dead Do Listen was originally published by Everyday Weirdness in June 2010, and appears in my short story collection, Checkmate & Other Stories. It collects fifteen of the stories I had published between July 2008 and June 2010. You can find it for 99c at Amazon US and Smashwords, or for 77p at Amazon UK.

[Guest Post] Stepping clear of a black hole

If you want to get published, and you don't want to put out your work yourself, then you really have no option but to query agents, or small publishing presses, to find the one that suits you. It can be a nightmare process, and there have been rumblings online about discontent within a particular independent press who doesn't have the money to pay author royalties. I've asked the very awesome Nerine Dorman to give some advice on what to do - and, more importantly, what not to do, when sending out your work into the big bad world of publishing...




* * *


So, you’re treading the submissions mill, looking for that literary agent or publisher of your dreams are you? Working your way through Publishersmarketplace.com or a following up on names you found at the Absolutewrite.com forums?



Yes, it’s a disheartening process. If an agent or a publisher even bothers to get back to your query, (less than half most of the time) there’s a fair chance you’ll receive a polite form rejection of “Dear Mary Jane, we thank you for your query, but…”



That wonderful word: BUT. It doesn’t get any easier the longer you’ve been in this game and yes, we know this isn’t a personal but, blah blah blah, face it, sweetie, are you really the industry’s next EL James or Ms Meyer? What agents and publishers look for is highly subjective. There’s no getting around that. That’s why you need to query widely.



Often, when an agent or a publisher does come back to you with a “Dear Mary Jane, we are delighted to inform you…” it’s easy to rush into signing away all your rights without thinking, and end up taking the short end of the stick at the end of the day.



This post is beyond the scope to give exhaustive details of all that can go wrong. (Just go check out http://www.sfwa.org/for-authors/write... as a basic picture of all the horrible pitfalls.) But I am going to give you two very important pieces of advice most new authors ignore. 1) DON’T RUSH INTO SIGNING ANYTHING. 2) DO YOUR BACKGROUND CHECKS BEFORE YOU QUERY.



And, in case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t listen to this advice either when I was first starting out. Luckily the agent that I’d briefly had (who wasn’t right for me, BTW) let me down nicely. We’d really been wasting each other’s time. Here’s a mantra: No agent is better than a bad agent (paste a little post-it note somewhere on your desk for that one.)



Before we got a wee bit distracted, let’s get back to those two aforementioned pieces of advice which should be branded onto your left and right hands. That way you can see the words when you type. Actually, even better, do your background checks BEFORE you even get to the point where you’re going to have to sign anything. Look at it this way, if you’re picking an agent or a publisher to query, it’s kinda like getting into a relationship with another person. You don’t want to entrust your baby to a remorseless gun-wielding gangster, do you?



Nope, didn’t think so. So the process of querying can look something like this:



1) Make a list of agents/publishers;

2) Go read each agent/publisher’s submission guidelines. Are they open for submissions? What genres are they looking for? Who are their clients? When was their most recent sale/release?



If an agent/publisher doesn’t have any recent activity, it’s a reason to be suspicious (sure, sometimes they’re tardy and they don’t update their sites, but rather be safe than sorry). That’s when I go to two websites. Preditors and Editors might not always be up to date, but there’s still loads of information there. Go check up your chosen agent/publisher. Then, run a search on the Absolute Write forums. Don’t see what you’re looking for? Sign up and start a thread. See what sort of answers you can turn up. Everyone who is anyone in the publishing industry pretty much hangs out there from time to time.



Still don’t know anything? Proceed with caution, and if said agent/publisher seems too good to be true, they probably are. Another golden rule: If anyone asks for money upfront, RUN AWAY AS FAR AND FAST AS YOU CAN. Just don’t go down that road. A reputable agent/publisher will never charge you money for services like reading your manuscript, or editing it, for that matter.



Lastly, one of the best things you can do is make friends with other authors. This will happen in places like Absolute Write. Find out about authors’ good experiences and their bad, especially in the chosen genre that you’re writing. They’ll be able to tell you how royalty payments work, which publishers are good about communicating with their authors, which aren’t.



The hallmarks of a good publisher is a company that will provide you with value-added services. Nowadays it’s not career suicide if you decide to self-publish. Maybe your book is hard to classify, or you might already have a niche you can market to. Just remember, without a publisher, there’s a lot of stuff you’re going to have to do yourself (like cover art, editing and formatting).



So, there are loads of publishers you can still approach that don’t require you to have a literary agent. Check out Duotrope.com for potential markets. Remember to do your background checks.



The publishing industry is changing at a rapid rate nowadays. It pays, therefore, to keep up to date with news. Follow agents and the editors of your favourite imprints on Twitter or subscribe to their blogs or newsletters. Keep yourself informed, so that the choices you make aren’t harebrained. You’ve spent ages polishing that manuscript. You really want your novel to be the absolute best when it eventually gets released into the world.



Bio: Nerine Dorman is a South African editor and (mostly) dark fantasy author. She is the editor of the annual Bloody Parchment short story competition and anthology (eKhaya/Random House Struik), among other projects. Authors are welcome to query her for her editing rates at nerinedorman@gmail.com.

#FridayFlash - Shallow

Candles burn low on the table, the remains of dinner still clinging to the plates. Music plays in the background, some arty jazz rubbish I don't recognise. We occupy the sofa, all arms and legs. She tucks a strand of long green hair behind her ear, leans in and gives that knowing smile.



"I'll just slip into something more comfortable."



Eight words later, she's decked out in a scrap of black satin and lace, ink on show in the few places it's not covered by Agent Provocateur's finest. She was a good find at the club, one of my best yet. Hardy's doesn't seem her kind of place but I'm not going to question it when she's sat on my lap.



Three months on, we're sat on the sofa. She's telling me about her day, only I'm not really listening. I'm thinking about that slip of a negligee, wondering when she'll get it out again. She tries to get my attention, but I'm too busy ignoring her new black bob. She tries to tell me she's getting a promotion. I smile but I don't mean it. I suppose this promotion means more business suits and sensible haircuts.



She shifts position again, tugging at the waistband of her skirt. It's grey and sexless, but she tells me it's designer. Some Italian guy whose name I can't pronounce. A white blouse covers most of her tattoos, and delicate silver studs replace the hoops and spikes in her ears, now hidden by that awful hairdo. She leans toward me.



"I'll just slip into something more comfortable."



My heart leaps to think of the black negligee and I settle myself on the sofa. She comes back downstairs in a faded sweatshirt and mismatching pyjama bottoms. I take one look at the fluffy slippers and I forget why I'm there. She goes into the kitchen to put the kettle on and I take the opportunity to leave. I won't be back.



I think I might stop in at Hardy's on the way home.

#FridayFlash - Lest We Forget

This flash was originally posted for Remembrance Sunday in 2010 and I couldn't think of any better way to honour the day this year than to re-post a story of which I could not be more proud. Enjoy, and rest in peace to all those who gave their lives.




* * *


Walter Graves huddles at the back of the dug-out. He fumbles with the pages of his book, unable to grasp the paper through his mittens. He nibbles a square of chocolate in consolation. The last couple of months have taught Walter to appreciate these snatched moments of quiet before the next onslaught begins.



“Captain! Captain! Oh, you ‘ave to come ‘n see this!” says Freddy Hamilton. He bounces up and down at the entrance to the dug-out.



“What is it?” asks Walter.



“No, no, you ‘ave to see it!”



Walter sighs, and slips a photo of his hometown into his book. He does not want to lose his place. Walter hopes the war will be over soon; he did not bring another book and he is almost finished this one. Walter’s fiancé, Gwyneth, may send him another. He must remember to write to her. He would have written sooner but shattered nerves do not lend themselves to correspondence.



Walter’s boots sink into the thick mud of the trench as he steps outside. He cannot work out why the mud in the trench refuses to freeze like the mud of No-Man’s Land. His grimace turns to shock when Freddy heads up the ladder to the parapet.



“Are you insane, man? Do you have a death wish?” cries Walter. He tries to grab Freddy’s foot, to pull him to the safety of the cold, filthy trench.



“No, it’s alright, sir! Come ‘ave a look!”



Freddy clambers over the parapet and stands up. Walter’s shock subsides when he realises he cannot hear gunfire. No shells burst overhead. The machine guns keep their staccato laughter to themselves. Christmas carols and jovial banter drift on the freezing air.



“Stille Nacht! Heil’ge Nacht! Alles schläft; einsam wacht...”



“What the deuce is going on?” asks Walter.



“You need to come ‘n see, sir!” says Freddy. He mimes a man climbing upwards, determined that his captain should join him.



Walter hauls himself up the ladder, his mittens snagging on stray splinters. He gazes across No Man’s Land in disbelief. A line of Christmas trees marks the parapet of the German trench. Four of his men stand nearby, swapping rations with the enemy. To his left, a handful of Germans are smoking with two of his corporals.



“By Jove, they were right,” says Walter.



“What do you mean, sir?” asks Freddy.



“Well, they did say it would be over by Christmas!”



Walter watches a group of privates from both sides follow the stretcher-bearers across the desolate plain. They carry the wounded or dead. The barbed wire entanglements are mercifully free of twitching bodies. Walter sighs. Yesterday saw heavy losses on both sides.



A short distance away, a football match is in full swing. Owen Peterson stands between two cloth caps that form the goal. Young Jack Benson tries to kick the ball towards Dougie Birstall but his foot catches on a frozen clump of Ypres soil. The ball skitters away, and is intercepted by a German player. He passes it to another private.



“Howay, Jackie man, divvn’t pass to Fritz!” shouts Dougie. The German offers Dougie a sheepish grin and runs after his teammate.



“Merry Christmas, sir,” says Freddy. He holds out his hand toward his captain.



“Merry Christmas to you too, Freddy. I wish you many of them,” says Walter. He shakes Freddy’s hand.



They stand and watch the football match. Walter smiles. He could almost be standing at the edge of the village green, watching the local boys play the team from the colliery. Walter’s smile fades. Those boys came to the frozen fields of Flanders with him. Only four have made it this far.



The match ends in a draw, although it leads to a heated debate over the final score. The men call it even and enjoy a drink in a last act of defiance towards the generals.



Tonight will be the last silent night they ever enjoy. Tomorrow, the machine guns will begin again.

#GuestPost - Writing a Series

A couple of weeks back I posted my review of Blood Skies by Steven Montano. I'm all about letting other authors use my blog to talk about their craft, and given Steven's a whizz at writing a series, I thought I'd ask him to write about the challenges of writing a series! Over to you, Steven...




* * *




Regardless of what some might say, writing a novel is hard.  I mean really hard.  And even if you can manage it, then you have to rewrite it, which is an entirely different beast.   Then you have to market your book, which is probably the most challenging part for self-published authors.



Now, imagine repeating that process – writing, editing, marketing – nine times in a row.  Welcome to writing your series.



There are challenges to writing a fantasy/sci-fi series above and beyond those inherent to writing a single novel.  I’ll do my best to elucidate those challenges for you right now.  (Note: I had to look up the word “elucidate” to make sure I was using it properly.)



Plot: Coming up with a good plot is difficult enough for one book, but coming up with a plot for a 10-book series (or a trilogy, or a 20-book series, or whatever) can be extremely daunting.  Depending on the style of series you intend to write you might have to create a very specific outline of where you want things to go, especially if your series is part of a continuous story (as opposed to something more serialized).  What works for me (an admitted “pantser” who still understands the quality of a good outline) is to have a general idea of what’s going to happen in the series, but not to get locked down with too many specifics.  Even the most hardcore plotter/outliner can change her mind, and you need to leave yourself some flexibility.



When I first sat down to plot out the original 6-book arc for the Blood Skies series, I did so with fairly broad strokes.  I knew roughly where each book would end and where the next would begin, but aside from some top-level plot details I left most of the specifics wide open.  So, for example, while I knew where Cross would be at the end of Books 3 and 4, I didn’t necessarily know how he was going to get there until I actually wrote the novels.



So long as you have even a general outline for your series you should never be lacking for a plot for any individual book.  Keep in mind that most people prefer each novel in a series to be as self-contained as possible.  This isn’t always easy, of course, and it’s pretty much expected that any given installment will end with some unanswered questions, if not with a total cliffhanger.  How you manage these transitions between novels is a matter of personal preference, and a question of how much you want your readers to hate you. ;D



Character Invincibility:  If your novel centers around a single protagonist, your readers will quickly figure out that nothing is going to happen to him/her, which might reduce tension and make the proceedings kind of dull.  There are a few ways you can go about keeping your audience on edge regarding to the fate of your main character:



1) Kill him.  The best medicine for some series is to not provide the feeling of safety that lets your readers get complacent in the first place.  Establish a protagonist, and then take him out.  Keeps everyone on their toes.



2) Direct the threat of danger more at your supporting characters rather than the character himself.  The tension then becomes on who will or will not become a “redshirt”.



3) Transform your character in some way.  My main character in the Blood Skies series, Eric Cross, has undergone several transmogrifications, and my readers have asked me a) how I could be so cruel, and b) what terrible thing I’m going to do to the poor guy next.  The suspense becomes more about “what will happen to him next?” rather than “will he live?”



4) Just don’t worry about it.  Some readers enjoy the comfort of knowing their hero is going to make it through the next scrape no matter how much the odds are stacked against him.  That’s part of what keeps them coming back for more.



Continuity:  Continuity refers to all of the little details in your series, from a character’s eye and hair color to street names to the way things work in your fantastic world.  I’ve read about some people who keep a “bible” about their novels, a notebook or journal where they literally jot down character notes, locations, subplots, etc.  This, I think, is a terrific idea.  (And perhaps something I should actually do…)



An author has to be careful to maintain continuity in regards to both character (vital statistics, scars, affectations, etc.) and setting (geographical details, chronology, what a country’s flag looks like, what the population is, etc.).  This is tough to do with even one novel…maintaining it throughout a series can be like holding a freight train together with duct tape.



But details like this are IMPORTANT!  They enhance the realism of even the most preposterous setting.  Maintaining continuity is especially important in fantasy and science-fiction, where different sets of rules apply than those in the so-called “real world”.  If you invent a system of magic, a brand new race, or different laws of thermodynamics, be sure to maintain those details throughout your series!



Presentation: This next one is something of a “personal preference” issue. Some readers (and writers, for that matter) try to keep the books in their series as similar to each other as possible.  This, of course, is called “formula”, and you see it in TV shows and serialized novels all of the time.  Sometimes your audience just wants to get back together with a familiar character – it doesn’t matter if the plot is the same through each and every book or if the only changes to your protagonist’s life between volumes are only minor ones.  In these cases, it’s more about spending quality time with some fictional old friends.



If this is your thing, AWESOME! I’ve enjoyed reading novels set up like this, and, honestly, I’ve always wanted to write one.  Maybe someday I will.



With Blood Skies, I prefer to mix things up a little bit between books.  That doesn’t mean that every novel is totally different – they all take place in the same world, have the same main character and follow the same rules, but that didn’t mean I wanted each book to be a carbon copy of the others.  Sometimes a change of scenery is all that’s needed, or a different narrative approach.  If Book 1 in your series takes place in a desert, shift Book 2 to a jungle; if everything is always told from your protagonist’s point of view, shift things to a different character in Book 3 when your main character vanishes; if your series is always told in 3rd person, shifted one volume to 1st person for a change.  Etc.



Stamina: I’ll say it again: Writing a novel is hard.  Writing a series is just nuts. I published Blood Skies in June of 2011.  I’ve averaged a new book in the series about every five-and-half months.  Depending on whom you ask, that’s either freakishly fast, or way too slow.



There’s a reason some Indie authors choose to wait until they have their entire series at least drafted before they even think about releasing – so they can lessen the time between releases.  This is a solid plan…much more solid than setting unrealistic expectations and then killing yourself trying to crank the next book out (aka “Plan Steve”).



Whatever your pace, whatever your plan, be persistent.  The world won’t end if you take more than a couple of months to come out with Book 2, but you probably shouldn’t wait a year between novels, either.

Know your limits.  I’ve severely cut back on my writing/editing schedule over the past month because of work, kids, and the demands of maintaining a blog and marketing on top of finding time to actually write, but I’m still sure to keep working every single day.  Eventually I’ll crank things back up, but for now I need to move at a slower pace.



Only you know how much you can or can’t handle.  Don’t sell yourself short – never, EVER do that, because everyone else is already set to do that for you, and the last thing you want is to help them out – but don’t stretch yourself thin.  Set yourself up for success, and go kick some ass.





Steven Montano is the author of the Blood Skies series and an accountant for a gaming company.  Sadly, only one of these professions actually pays the bills.  Steve lives south of Seattle, Washington with his wife, two kids, and a dog of dubious intellect.



Check out Steve’s site, follow him on Twitter, or check out his page on Facebook. You can pick up Blood Skies here.

Best of Friday Flash Vol 2

It's not long since my last story appeared in an anthology (Anonymous in the Penny Dreadfuls Halloween Special) but now I can announce that I have another story in a collection. This time round, it's A Girl's Best Friend, formerly a Friday Flash on my blog, that is now appearing in the Best of Friday Flash: Volume 2.



Most people know me for writing horror, or stories with some kind of twist ending, and there are a few who recognise the Westerns that I write. Yet A Girl's Best Friend tells the story of a teddy bear named William (inspired by the bear in the photo), and there's not a cowboy or a poltergeist in sight. It's one of my mother's favourites among all the stories I've ever written, and to date it remains one of my most popular flashes - it's received the most blog hits, and even garnered comments on Facebook from people who don't usually write my stories.



When the call went out to submit a piece of flash to the anthology, I couldn't help but submit A Girl's Best Friend. It's not necessarily representative of my writing, but I'm damn proud of it, and I was thrilled when it was accepted. You can find all the details on Emergent Publishing's website, in their bookstore.

#FridayFlash - Forever

It was late in the afternoon in December. We lay on the bonnet of Petey's car, parked up in a clearing at the edge of the old town woods. We ate cheese sandwiches and drank weak tea, watching stormclouds drift down from the north. They brought snow that day, and we stayed there catching snowflakes on our tongues and eyelashes until our joints got stiff. We clambered, numb and half-frozen, into the car. We laughed and sang along to the radio while the ancient heater cranked into life, and we thawed in the front of his Datsun. He told jokes and I giggled, and everything seemed right with the world. Then the Rubettes came on and Petey got serious, taking my hands and telling me he'd love me forever, if only I'd love him too. We kissed and made the kind of stupid promises you make when you're too young to know any better.



That was thirty eight years ago. Two weeks later, Petey lost control on the ice and slid off the ring road into a tree. I cried for a week but life moves on, doesn't it? I met Tony at a disco at my art college and thought we'd be together forever. Three months later he finished with me - he mumbled something about the "weird shit" in my house and walked out, complaining of doors banging at all hours and the dog barking at nothing in front of the TV. Robert, a guy I met at the gallery, said the same thing and left after six months. Took me three more attempts at a relationship until I finally saw Petey too, outlined in starlight on the landing when I went to the loo one Tuesday night. I'd promised forever, hadn't I?



Now I'm a couple of years shy of 60, and Petey's still here. He spooks the little trick or treaters at Halloween, and he even scared off a couple of lads who tried to break in. Pity I can't tell the insurance people and get a reduction on my premium. He potters about when I'm out, and we sit and watch TV when I'm in. I don't always see him these days, he's faded as time's gone on, but I know he's there. I can smell the cheap leather from that old Datsun, or I hear his laugh in the kitchen when the dinner goes wrong again.



Folk just see a woman on her own, no kids or husband, and they ask if I'm lonely, but how can I be? I've got my Petey, haven't I? He keeps me company when no one else will come round, and if this cough is anything to go by, I'll be seeing him soon enough. I don't mind, not really. After all, we promised "Forever".

NaNoWriMo

I'll lay it right on the table - I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year. I can't. That's not to say I don't think it's a good idea - I do. I "won" in 2008 and 2010, writing my novels for Fowlis Westerby and Vertigo City respectively. Sadly I just don't have the time this year. Last year I kidded myself that I could do it, and I was going to try to write some of my Parrots & Piracy short stories. I managed 2000 words and gave up because my head just wasn't in the right place. This year, as much as I want to join in, I just know it'd probably drive me crazy with stress.



NaNoWriMo is a huge undertaking at the best of times but throughout November, I'll be working on my PhD, two assignments for my teacher training course, and I'll be prepping and delivering not one but TWO nightclasses on Photoshop and InDesign - that's in addition to my day job, Friday flashes, edits to make on my horror/fantasy novella, and various blogging commitments. If I try to insert a need to write 1,667 words per day...well I'll just about break.



Ali Luke has written a fairly comprehensive post about why you should, and shouldn't, do NaNoWriMo.  I'll just leave you by saying I'm not doing it, but I wish you the best of luck if you decide you want to....