Michelle Styles's Blog, page 34
January 10, 2011
I am not a TIger Mother
Yesterday in the Sunday Times and today in the Times, there were articles about a Chinese Mother and how her methods of parenting. Basically Linda Chua has written a book entitled The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother which details how she hothoused her two daughters. She is only satisfied with the best and runs a very strict regime -- no playdates, no sleepovers, no drama productions, As are the only grade good enough and if you are taking an instrument, you practise. 3 hours per day. The parent has high expectations and does not settle for anything less
She details how she locked her 3 year old daughter out in the snow when she was defiant and how they do have screaming rows.
My children were appalled.
My daughter asked if I approved. My answer was that as I had not done those things to them, then I was unlikely to approve. The mere thought of the angst expended to force a child to practice for 3 hours day in and day out makes me want to lie down in a darkened room. There again I never wanted my children to be professional or play to a professional standard. The more time you practice, the better you will be but it needs to come from within. The desire must be inside the child. It is telling that when given the option at 13, the younger daughter immediately dropped her music in faovur of tennis.
While I do believe in parents developing their children's self-discipline, and like to think of myself as reasonably strict, life is far too short. I like celebrating achievements that matter to my children.
I loved the fact that my eldest had to discover the hard way that hard work does pay off. Not for a guitar piece but for his A levels. I think he is very proud of his accomplishments. I know I am. I also think the lesson he learnt will hold him in good stead for his adulthood.
I sincerely hope my daughter is putting in the hard work required as I believe she is capable of doing well on her A levels. I hope my youngest is doing the same with his GCSEs. But ultimately it is up to them and whether it matters to them.
Tough love is hard but there is a difference between tough love and sadistic parenting.
I make no apologies for being me and my sort of mother.
It is not a race but ultimately it is about creating indivdual who will be well balanced successful adults, no matter what life throws at them.
She details how she locked her 3 year old daughter out in the snow when she was defiant and how they do have screaming rows.
My children were appalled.
My daughter asked if I approved. My answer was that as I had not done those things to them, then I was unlikely to approve. The mere thought of the angst expended to force a child to practice for 3 hours day in and day out makes me want to lie down in a darkened room. There again I never wanted my children to be professional or play to a professional standard. The more time you practice, the better you will be but it needs to come from within. The desire must be inside the child. It is telling that when given the option at 13, the younger daughter immediately dropped her music in faovur of tennis.
While I do believe in parents developing their children's self-discipline, and like to think of myself as reasonably strict, life is far too short. I like celebrating achievements that matter to my children.
I loved the fact that my eldest had to discover the hard way that hard work does pay off. Not for a guitar piece but for his A levels. I think he is very proud of his accomplishments. I know I am. I also think the lesson he learnt will hold him in good stead for his adulthood.
I sincerely hope my daughter is putting in the hard work required as I believe she is capable of doing well on her A levels. I hope my youngest is doing the same with his GCSEs. But ultimately it is up to them and whether it matters to them.
Tough love is hard but there is a difference between tough love and sadistic parenting.
I make no apologies for being me and my sort of mother.
It is not a race but ultimately it is about creating indivdual who will be well balanced successful adults, no matter what life throws at them.
January 7, 2011
And more mice trouble
Thank goodness my traps work.
Mice have chewed the electrics in the kitchen, getting under the floorboards upstairs. The electircian held out the offending wires in silent accusation. All is now replaced...the kitchen lights work again and the traps set.
I hope the seven mice I have caught since new year are it. They are so destructive. We could have had a fire! Silly me to think that having vanquished them last year, that they woud not be back in the cold weather! Mice can squeeze in through the smallest of holes.
I do not mind mice outside as long as they don't attack my beehives etc. I do mind mice chewing wires in the house!
It is obvious that Mr Darcy and Heathcliff have decided that chasing mice is not as much fun as curling up in front of the fire!
One of my least favourite jobs is checking the mouse traps but someone has to do it. Particularly after reading the Bryson book.
Have you set a mouse trap today? Or do you prefer curling up in front of a fire?
Mice have chewed the electrics in the kitchen, getting under the floorboards upstairs. The electircian held out the offending wires in silent accusation. All is now replaced...the kitchen lights work again and the traps set.
I hope the seven mice I have caught since new year are it. They are so destructive. We could have had a fire! Silly me to think that having vanquished them last year, that they woud not be back in the cold weather! Mice can squeeze in through the smallest of holes.
I do not mind mice outside as long as they don't attack my beehives etc. I do mind mice chewing wires in the house!
It is obvious that Mr Darcy and Heathcliff have decided that chasing mice is not as much fun as curling up in front of the fire! One of my least favourite jobs is checking the mouse traps but someone has to do it. Particularly after reading the Bryson book.
Have you set a mouse trap today? Or do you prefer curling up in front of a fire?
January 5, 2011
The Perfect Concubine -- cover and blurb
My lovely editor sent through the blurb and cover for The Perfect Concubine yesterday. I really think it captures the essence of the story.Rome, 68 B.C.
Valeria's life is in the hands of Piso the Greek—the very man who had risen from a common sailor to wealthy ship owner following their doomed romance. He is the only man brave enough to sail the dangerous seas to Alexandria to reunite Valeria with her missing brother and restore her family's fortune. But Piso demands a high price for his help: Valeria must become his concubine and share his bed once more….
It is available for download in North America in February. I believe looking at the UK Historical Undones, it will go out there then. If it does well enough, they may stick it in a print anthology -- otherwise Undone is an online exclusive.
It is a short 15k read.
January 4, 2011
Return of the mice
After reading At Home -- A Short History of Private Life by Bill Bryson, I decided that perhaps the mouse traps ought to be dusted off and put down in the basement again. The result = 3 dead mice.
It is a matter of checking and re baiting but mice can get anywhere...and do.
At Home is a brilliant book full of lovely factoids. I had already read a lot of his research books and knew one or two things he quotes makes for a good story but not totally accurate. For example, the oft quoted story about schoolgirls being strapped to make their waists 13 inches in diameter. That is smaller than a mayonnaise jar and Dorothy Langley Moore back in the 1940s proved that it didn't happen. Her theory was that people exaggerated and that clever cuts can make things look small. She also had one of the largest collections of dresses from the period. When she did her book in the 1940s, she found that at times, she did have to take the waist in. Best guess for Judith Flanders was that the periodical where the story is taken from served as a cover for S& M bondage types. According to Flanders there are two types of letters in Beeton's periodical -- one sort deals with tight lacing, spanking etc and the other dealt with more normal aspects.
It should be remember that Scarlet OHara was created by a woman living in the 20th century and who never had her waist cinched or indeed knew people who were currently wearing a corset and crinoline.
It is a bit like saying that everyone wears 10 inch high heels today.
It is a matter of checking and re baiting but mice can get anywhere...and do.
At Home is a brilliant book full of lovely factoids. I had already read a lot of his research books and knew one or two things he quotes makes for a good story but not totally accurate. For example, the oft quoted story about schoolgirls being strapped to make their waists 13 inches in diameter. That is smaller than a mayonnaise jar and Dorothy Langley Moore back in the 1940s proved that it didn't happen. Her theory was that people exaggerated and that clever cuts can make things look small. She also had one of the largest collections of dresses from the period. When she did her book in the 1940s, she found that at times, she did have to take the waist in. Best guess for Judith Flanders was that the periodical where the story is taken from served as a cover for S& M bondage types. According to Flanders there are two types of letters in Beeton's periodical -- one sort deals with tight lacing, spanking etc and the other dealt with more normal aspects.
It should be remember that Scarlet OHara was created by a woman living in the 20th century and who never had her waist cinched or indeed knew people who were currently wearing a corset and crinoline.
It is a bit like saying that everyone wears 10 inch high heels today.
January 3, 2011
His Stand In Bride -- the final chapter
In which Anne and Jason reach their HEA (it is a romance after all), the final chapter of His Stand In Bride is up on eharlequin. The enitrety of the story is also up now in case people (Chris I am thinking of you!) want to read it in one go. It was written in one go and so it is how I have always read it.
Anyway, thank you to everyone who has read thus far and commented. I do appreciate it.
Last night I discovered Zen -- the adaptation of Michael Dibdin's Roman dectective novels -- has started on BBC 1. Absolutely must watch. Stunning visually. Rufus Sewall stars as the dectective. And Dibdin was a great crime novelist so the plots hold together. A fantastic way to start the New Year. The lack of spin/excitement about the series in the general media is surprising. Luckily I happened to realise what it was! Dibdin is one of my dh's favourite novelists. The tv series does not disappoint. (I assume it will go to the US in the autumn as part of Masterpiece Theatre's crime season)
Anyway, thank you to everyone who has read thus far and commented. I do appreciate it.
Last night I discovered Zen -- the adaptation of Michael Dibdin's Roman dectective novels -- has started on BBC 1. Absolutely must watch. Stunning visually. Rufus Sewall stars as the dectective. And Dibdin was a great crime novelist so the plots hold together. A fantastic way to start the New Year. The lack of spin/excitement about the series in the general media is surprising. Luckily I happened to realise what it was! Dibdin is one of my dh's favourite novelists. The tv series does not disappoint. (I assume it will go to the US in the autumn as part of Masterpiece Theatre's crime season)
January 1, 2011
Breaking the Governess's Rules excerpted on Amazon
One very pleasant discovery today was that not only is the paperback cover for Breaking the Governess's Rules up on Amazon.co.uk but also it is part of the Search Inside scheme. First pages can be read and there is a surprise me feature. Hopefully people will find it useful.,And I do love the colours chosen for the cover.
Happy New Year One and All!
December 31, 2010
Resolutions revisited
Right it is 31 Dec and I need to look at how well I did last year. The areas I looked at last year (surprise, surprise) are going to the ones I look at again:
1. Time management. My editor mentioned this one recently as well. So I do need to be more productive. I did learn about chunking my writing so this is good. But I do have a tendency to be scattered and I need to focus more on the things that earn me money when I am working. And when I am not working, I need to be there for my family. So certain things like some social networking is going to take a backseat for awhile.
2. Weight management -- my weight is finally going in the right direction. I discovered that eating starches do nothing for me. After the holidays, it is back to the diet and increasing the exercise. I liked throwing out fat pants! I would like to throw out more!
3. Improving my writing -- this is a mixed bag. I still get the same remarks from the editors...up the emotion, focus on the relationship, more sensuality etc. I also need to respect my process rather than going and searching for something new every time. I am talking to my editor in the new year and have several ideas on how I can proceed and what I want to write. Sometimes you do try things that don't quite work as well as they should. It is about understanding my writing and how I work. Working smarter rather than harder.
Currently I am suffering from a bad cold and some things are going by the by until I am well!
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!
1. Time management. My editor mentioned this one recently as well. So I do need to be more productive. I did learn about chunking my writing so this is good. But I do have a tendency to be scattered and I need to focus more on the things that earn me money when I am working. And when I am not working, I need to be there for my family. So certain things like some social networking is going to take a backseat for awhile.
2. Weight management -- my weight is finally going in the right direction. I discovered that eating starches do nothing for me. After the holidays, it is back to the diet and increasing the exercise. I liked throwing out fat pants! I would like to throw out more!
3. Improving my writing -- this is a mixed bag. I still get the same remarks from the editors...up the emotion, focus on the relationship, more sensuality etc. I also need to respect my process rather than going and searching for something new every time. I am talking to my editor in the new year and have several ideas on how I can proceed and what I want to write. Sometimes you do try things that don't quite work as well as they should. It is about understanding my writing and how I work. Working smarter rather than harder.
Currently I am suffering from a bad cold and some things are going by the by until I am well!
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!
December 27, 2010
Chapter 7 His Stand In Bride
Chapter 7 of His Stand In Bride -- The seduction is up. You can read it here.
Hopefully everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was quiet but good. However, the annual ritual of someone is ill has struck and we have been laid low by a cold/flu thing. I blame my youngest.
Hopefully everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was quiet but good. However, the annual ritual of someone is ill has struck and we have been laid low by a cold/flu thing. I blame my youngest.
December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas to all
The Times published a series of Victorian jokes this morning including What you think about the woman with a past? Answer At Christmas, she is most likely to be won by a man with a present.
It raised a smile here.
I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and many thanks for reading my blog this year.
It raised a smile here.
I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and many thanks for reading my blog this year.
December 22, 2010
Contest winners
From the Historical advent calendar:
Samantha Leach wins the box of goodies
From my newsletter:
Amy Lam wins Breaking the Governess Rules.
My next newsletter goes out in the new year.
If any of the people I contacted about the mentor contest want to send their partial, I have a little bit of time. I think I am still waiting for 3 partials...
Samantha Leach wins the box of goodies
From my newsletter:
Amy Lam wins Breaking the Governess Rules.
My next newsletter goes out in the new year.
If any of the people I contacted about the mentor contest want to send their partial, I have a little bit of time. I think I am still waiting for 3 partials...
