Brian Krans's Blog, page 18
February 11, 2013
Blader Digest: On Being Free
The best thing about being American is all the different flavors of bullshit they can serve in your bowl.
You name it, we’ve got it.
We’ve got enough guns to fight off any army and we have enough young men to die in foreign wars and enough religious people to picket their funerals. We have government agencies to regulate important facets of life like guns, legal drugs, illegal ones, and plants that grow on their own, as well as enough lobbyists to make them ineffectual. We have a government with documented proof they have no problem killing any of us and a police force empowered enough to ensure we don’t get out of line. And we fund them with our own money.
What’s the essence of the American Dream?
Buying enough shit to make you feel better about the emptiness that is your life.
Goddamn if it isn’t a great day to be an American! It’s just enough to get you out of bed, make you go to work, and afford enough luxury so you can buy into it all.
And still there’s rollerblading. It’s a way for us to insulate ourselves from reality for a while or to at least embrace the fact there’s something better out there.
Somewhere in the mix of corporate greed, hippie love, right-minded regulation, leftist Communism, and centrist apathy is Brian Freeman.
This 23-year-old Austin (a hippie oasis in Texas) native has been making a name for himself through Adam Johnson films and his contagious demeanor for the past few years now and we’re all better off.
Around here in the Bay, you can’t miss B. Free, nor would you want to since he landed with his family in May 2011. He just so happens to live across the street from my girlfriend and nearly every surface smooth enough to hold a sticker has one from one of B. Free’s sponsors.
Basically, if you’re ever stranded in Oakland, follow all of the Roller Warehouse, Valo, or Vibralux stickers until they come to a halt. That’s when you’ve met B. Free’s front door.
B. Free lives with his family in an apartment in a decent neighborhood in Oakland (Minus the guy that got shot out front a few doors down, but as the neighbors tell it, it was a hit and the guy at the halfway house had it coming).
Somewhere between Austin and Oakland, B. Free got a hold of The Alchemist, a book by Portuguese novelist Paulo Coelho. In those pages, a shepherd follows a spiritual quest to find his own destiny and it’s a story B. Free cites as a major inspiration for his general life philosophy.
In case you missed it, B. Free explained his whole ideal system in the newly-released Road to BFree, a television pilot fostered by Daniel Kinney, B. Free, Billy O’Neill, Chris Haffey, Ivan Narez, and countless other homies on the project.
Give it a look if you haven’t. If you don’t, the rest of my bullshit isn’t going to make any more sense than it normally does.
Filmed over a long weekend last October, the idea behind the show is to take people out of their comfort zones, live on whatever is available, and get some blading done in the process.
I’ll be the first to say that the pilot doesn’t do the entire premise total justice, but given the fact everyone worked on the dollars in their own pocket, I think it’s nothing but a testament to the spirit that inhabits the blading family.
If anything, it’s a foot-in-the-door, and if you’re good at what you do, that’s all you need. Unfortunately, the only audience it’s reaching right now is rollerbladers, and even in that process—as you may have possibly notice before—is that we’re not a group that’s easily impressed.
“It’s not trying to save rollerblading…” B. Free said in an interview Monday night.
“It’s trying to inspire people to do something.”
“The goal with the show is to slowly put blading in there, instead of trying to put blading in people’s faces.”
The project’s character lies in the characters it features. Should rollerblading be cast into a mainstream audience, there’s no better people to put in front of a camera. That’s what America wants.
Shows like Jersey Shore and other “reality” shows have one thing in common: they’re scripted. The people you see on screen are merely actors portraying stereotypes into a camera. They’re all fake and if you haven’t caught onto that yet, you’re a bigger fool than you suspect.
The best part of the Road to BFree project is that it pledges to stay truest to its form and roots, meaning blading, blading homies, blading experiences, and some damn good shit they’ll have to bleep out later on.
Let’s take a look at the lineup of people on The Road to BFree:
The Character of Being Free
Original photo coursety of Rich Diaz
Brian “B. Free” Freeman: An Austin-raised blippie who sees the best part of being alive as the chance to make a life out of it, he’s always optimistic and down for what a day can throw at him. The best part of his personality shines when given the opportunity to take what he’s given it and polish into something shinier than his gold bicycle. The kid gets it.
Chris “Superman” Haffey: To quote his profile on ThemGoodsDist.com: “Known for his jaw-dropping sections, extensive list of competition trophies, and even a world record, Haffey is truly a blader’s blader. He’s been called—more than once by way more than a few people—the best rollerblader in the world. He holds two world records, including one involving a shopping cart. If he weren’t so nice and humble, he’d be real easy to dislike with a resume like that.” That—and most importantly—he’s kept a good head on his shoulders. He’s the material that legends are made of.
Visit blading.info to find out where I stole this picture from.
Billy “Fish” O’Neill: Carved on the streets of NYC, Billy’s skating shows no mercy, but spend 2 minutes with the guy and you’ll meet someone with the charisma, depth, and intellect to rival the great philosophers and the energy to rise them from their graves. No matter how hard you try you’ll never fully understand Billy, but you’ll come up wiser regardless. And if there’s anyone on the planet who’s going to push you out of your comfort zone, it’s Fish.
I don’t know about you, but I’d watch the living hell out of that show long after reruns of Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead are long over. Besides, out of any show you’re watching on TV, wouldn’t these be the best outtakes you’ve ever seen?
The purpose of the pilot—and hopefully at least one full season—is about living the good life, which includes, in no particular order, blading, buds, road trips, shredding, and making due with what they’re given.
“It’s about what we’re naturally good at,” B. Free said.
The show focuses on the personalities of blading and those we meet along the way. It’s about inspiring others and with others in our sport—talkin’ about you Aragon, Shima, Julio, Damien, and others—and proving the best part of blading to be true: the homies you meet along the way.
The entire premise of the show is that the guys travel and live on what they’re given and they must survive in each city through their blading contacts (i.e. the hospitality of you and I).
“For me, it’s about people you can find to work together when you want to see your idea come to reality.” — B. Free
“We’re trying to get people involved. We’re trying to make sure the viewers can get involved as well,” B. Free said. “I just want bladers to do some shit.”
But it’s not about us.
It’s about getting blading on TV again, outside a mere competition format (sidebar: Hey now, how dope was the Blading Cup?), and getting into the early and impressionable minds of kids, much like blading did to us at such a tender age.
It’s about inspiring a new generation so that we don’t have to watch blading die within our own lifetimes.
A few online comments regarding the trailer talk about how the pilot “set blading back a few years.” If that was the case, we’d be better off. The state blading is now could use a time machine. Hell, a decade would be dope because it’d be 2003 and few would be concerned about the vitality of rollerblading because it wasn’t experience the drought it’s in now.
But it’s 2013. We can either embrace the change that freedom demands or we can continue to clamor to what’s left of yesteryear as we all continue to feel the pains of another year being alive.
Like many of us, B. Free chooses to look towards the future and wants others to do the same, which is the whole point of The Road to BFree: doing something you wouldn’t normally do otherwise.
“Not many people are worried about watering the seed,” he said. “You have to let that shit grow.”
I say let freedom ring.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S.— Blah fucking blah…money…blading….books.
P.S.S. — Thanks to Cody Sanders for helping watching out for typos.
February 6, 2013
Blader Digest: TL;DR — Spend the Money
Let’s face it: Tanya Harding could have come across as a gangster if she wouldn’t have pulled that pussy shoelace bullshit in the Olympics.
Why is that relevant? Because there’s a lesson in there somewhere and I’ve had the kind of day that makes you think about that.
There’s Taco Tuesday, Throwback Thursday, and Fuck You Friday, but Wednesday only get’s “Hump Day”? So that’s why Wu-Tang Wednesday, the day where above any else, you act like you’re in Wu-Tang and as we all know, Wu-Tang ain’t nothing to fuck with.
I do my lame office shit, but when I’m listening to Wu-Tang, that shit gets done well and quickly because when you enter the Wu, you see out your third eye and get Buddah on what you’ve got to get done. Basically, you get your shit done like you’ve walked through the 36 chambers unscathed.
After the daily cubicle escapades, I Valo up and start the nightly charge through traffic. Since I’m still blasting Wu-Tang in my earphones, I convince my brain that I’m mother fucking Josh Petty in some Roces and cargo camouflage pants while Dave Paine follows. Like, Daytona 500 type shit.
Then some guy who’s red-green colorblind thinks he’s all clear to hit the highway exit. When he slams on the brakes with me on his hood, he must have realized that the light wasn’t actually green.
Basically, I got hit by a car in a busy ass intersection. I can give a thousand reasons to justify to avoid easy money by making the guy pay, but I went the image route: I wanted anyone watching to see a rollerblader get hit by a car and not cry their eyes out like thousands of other commuters (a.k.a. the self-righteous eco-friendly biker population) would have. One biker even talked to me about it at the next red light. She said I should have done something and I responded, “It was nothing.”
For me, after years of skating, especially here in NorCal with the JSF family, there’s no point in sitting around and complaining about shit. That, and I watch free videos of people wrecking themselves worse than I did with only pennies-per-view to show for it.
If Anything…
If rollerblading has taught me anything, it’s that you take the hit, get back up, and get back to your business. If anything good came out of it, anyone holding that what’s-the-hardest-part-of-rollerblading view of anyone who saw the accident and know, that just like the Wu-Tang Clan, rollerblading ain’t nothing to fuck with.
(Sorry, but I’ve literally been listening to Wu-Tang Clan for about eight hours now. I’m pretending to be way harder than I actually am.)
I should have taken some kind of money from that guy, but I couldn’t. You’d have to be there to understand why it was the right decision.
Who Doesn’t Need Money Right Now?
To say that times are easy for anyone who works for a living would be the greatest lie told of our generation. We’re not suffering in a Great Depression, as we still have some kind of food in our stomachs and everything else between starvation and the money necessary to buy the equipment and pay the appropriate digital service carrier to read this article.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I always thought being in your 30s meant being old and old people usually had their financial shit together.
Rollerblading isn’t doing much better, either. If you know anything about economics, you can see the strong shift in the fundamental design of the sport. We went from huge corporate sponsorship to interior funding to the lull we’re in now as the gravity of our funding weighs heavily on those with money to spend. And those numbers dwindle as a population ages without assurance the younger generation’s roots will hold water.
It’s all good though. As a sport, we’re still in that part of your 20s where you’re feeling the ramifications of being stupid with your first taste of disposable income.
But it’s the day-in, day-out grind that makes it tough.
When Working Becomes a Luxury
Most of us don’t have a job. We have jobs and that’s if we’re lucky. Most of the long-term unemployed would kill for any source of income, it’s seeing an out from it all that seems so tough. We’re all young, so we’re paying our dues.
Some of us are getting much older than we ever thought we could, and we’re busy building the lives we want to live, and there’s a price to pay for all of it.
Personally, I’ve been feeling the effects of spending a ridiculous amount of money to live in a place worth spending the money. I haven’t touched a credit card in six months and finally I have an idea of how far a dollar goes. Like most people, the idea of savings was a foreign concept, but I’ve been saving up for a security deposit on a new place. It would mean paying less money for more space to live with one of my best friends.
Rollerblader Logic Makes No Sense
In all that adult decision-making, there was a long period where I struggled to understand the meaning of adulthood (i.e. making hard decisions considering the future). That’s all part of the process of finally realizing how insanely expensive being alive is.
So I thought this was going to be the first Bitter Cold Showdown I would miss since I drove a van full of Iowans screaming “Iowa!” at 90 mph to Ohio though a snowstorm. Then I realized what I would miss. I wouldn’t miss a skating competition, I would miss an event.
From that van trip, I was able to buy a pair of skates off my childhood hero only to have him bail me out of jail two years later. I’d miss getting kicked out of Bar to lose Razor’s latest and greatest pro skater’s skate in a puddle of the same parking lot three years later. It’s about getting all of the homies together and yelling so much I forget what the sound of my own voice is like. It’s nothing but a free pass for a good time if you’re open to one.
So I was in a bit of a personal turmoil when weighing the safety of financial fortitude when it came to handing money over to people I don’t know so they can treat me like shit in that tuberculosis-spreading tube they call luxurious travel. Even the meanest stink-eye to everyone in First Class with their fancy leg room and first-on-first-off boarding accommodations can’t squash the expense to travel inside U.S. borders.
Side Bar, Your Honor
As far as plane tickets go, let me see if I can conspiracy theorist this for a second: I think plane tickets to Detroit in February are skyrocketing because of BCSD. I imagine when calculating fares, airlines have people scouring for reasons why people would travel at certain times. You know that whole demand-meets-need type thing. Now that we’ve been going to Modern Skate Park for this long—which I know is why many people are choosing not to attend, but fail to understand the lack of any other Midwest indoor skate park that could accommodate the needs of the comp—I believe the contest has at least a small effect on the hiking of ticket prices this year, along with fuel cost, inflation, and all the other bullshit reasons we’re always given.
So, yeah, traveling anywhere in the states is kind of a blind-sided bitch right now, so I didn’t think I was going. In admitting that to myself, I felt overcome by a deepening sadness. Bitter Cold was my first big skate trip as an adult and the thought of missing one made me a little bitter inside.
It was the sign of aging. Ignore the CT scans for recurrent pains or doctors telling me I’m less than a decade away from steroid injections in order to walk, walking away from Bitter Cold felt like a personal travesty. I had no idea where I would be during it and no great feeling I could experience outside of it could compare to seeing all those great friends, watching a great competition, and having a great time afterward.
Money be damned, I cashed in that rent savings and booked my tickets. I’m taking the red-eye, traveling for 12 hours, landing just in time for the trade show, and living in Detroit for 36 hours past the end of the comp, but it all sounds like a good time.
The Best Investment
I’m glad to make it because every year I go to BCSD I try to up the year before. It’s no easy endeavor, but it’s a fun process.
If you’ll be there, stop by the first booth inside the trade show doors and say hi. I’m working with Be-Mag to get you kids some not-boring coverage of everything not on a ramp.
It sounds like a weird reason to dip into your savings—at least if you don’t skate—but all of this feels like a strange bit of events, so fuck it. Why not?
Most predictions are that we all die in debt and so long as you’re smart enough to keep under the debt collectors’ radar and have a life insurance policy to cover what you owe, you can die in peace enough to know your life didn’t create more problems than it solved.
Or if you’re like me and don’t own shit, you can’t take away what isn’t there.
But that’s the main reason I still love skating above all. When you’ve got wheels under your feet, it’s hard to think about anything else. It’s all therapy when you get to be my age.
Now that I have them booked, I feel better. I may work in a beige cubicle every weekday—something I told myself I would never do—but I’m fortunate enough to be able skate there every day it doesn’t rain. I get in at least six tricks in (although only on curbs) before I even turn my work computer on. Yes, after 8 million years of evolution the sleekest of the species are somehow supposed to filed from rectangle to cube to rectangle (If you don’t believe me, look at the shape of the building you work in. If you’re Damien Wilson, Nick Wood, Ryan Evanchik, BJ Bernhardt, or the like, you don’t count. You make the cubes and therefore don’t have to live in them).
What You Should Really Do
So, if you’re not going to BCSD, make an order at your favorite skate shop (I, myself, am partial to Aggressive Mall, Intuition, and Roller Warehouse, but my biases run very deep), and give yourself a good BCSD present instead. Europeans, feel free to make it a Winter Clash-related purchase, if you feel fit.
If things were all shimmering and perfect, rollerblading would have the financial power of skateboarding so companies could fly out entourages of people on the company dime. We’d take any WRS-hosting town and spike it full of money like we do in Royal Oaks, Mich. once a year. But we don’t, so it’s nice we can do what we can.
Nothing will ever be perfect and the timing will never be as right as it should, so you might as well have some fun before you die, even if you can’t afford the whole ride.
If you’re saving your money to chase a dream, I understand. Things are tough and money is scarce, but nothing good ever came from holding back.
If you have as much fun as I do at BCSD, paying it off will be worth it.
TL;DR—Spend the money. It’s always worth it. You’re going to die regardless.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
January 31, 2013
How Losing Yourself in a Book Makes You a Better Person
During the act of reading engaging fiction, we can lose all sense of time. By the final chapter of the right book, we feel changed in our own lives, even if what we've read is entirely made up.
Research says that’s because while you’re engaged in fiction—unlike nonfiction—you’re given a safe arena to experience emotions without the need for self-protection. Since the events you’re reading about do not follow you into your own life, you can feel strong emotions freely.
That’s exactly what a new study conducted in the Netherlands reveals about our reading habits and the effect they can have on our psyches. The study, published in PLOS ONE, examines how people experience empathy after reading fiction they find engaging.
Read the rest here: http://www.healthline.com/health-blog...Brian Krans
January 8, 2013
Hutch: The Times to Live For
So we aren’t dead yet, thats a plus. Someone should use time travel to go give the finger to the Mayans for being lying douche fags. Who told them they can just lie about something like that and get away with it?
But nonetheless we are all still alive for the time being, which is great.
Personally I would absolutely hate dying before I have seen the rest of ‘Shred ‘Till You’re Dead II’ which I have to watch in parts as it comes out every week because I am too poor. If you are also in the same boat, make sure you are watching that shit because it is seriously the most chilled out and just down to earth skate movie out.
If you aren’t with the times go and watch that shit now!
If you aren’t poor, don’t be a dick, buy that shit, support blading…. yada yada.
Anyhow, to get to the point of this article: it’s important you understand the general idea behind the Shred tour.
As Shred II was unveiled online, we learned it was built around the idea of just getting some good homies together and going on a skate trip and just having good times. That’s really the best way I can describe it.
However I think I can better grasp the idea by sharing my own experiences on a recent blade trip with my homies.
The Bundaberg Skate Trip
(in order from the left) Jamie Sims, Brad Cox, James McErlain, Myself, Zachary Soole and Robert Kellett made a little four-hour trip up the coast to my home town of Bundaberg, Queensland, STRAYA!
The trip was originally my idea to just go and stay at my parents place and skate all the parks in that area and just have a sweet weekend near the beach skating, and that is exactly what it was. Aside from making a photo journal and getting clips for Brads little promotion of the new Razors Silhan skates now available at Skatebiz.
Some notable tricks of the trip were Jamie Sims’ full cab Kindgrind on an extension at Innes Park Bowl, Rob Kellett’s massive transfer from a half pipe into a really small quarter at Bargara Skate Park, Brad Cox’s 180 Mute Grab at Woodgate Halfpipe/Bowl (below) and Zac Soole’s steezed 180 Gap at Childers Skate Park below.
We had a crazy fun weekend, and made some great memories. I think I can safely talk for the rest of the group when I say we all wish the trip didn’t end as quickly as it did. Three days just isn’t enough.
On the drive home a lot of funny shit happened. More notably was when we were trying to get a decent group photo and were just all way too tired to concentrate long enough. It didn’t help that we were getting a photo in front of a giant kangaroo statue and there were hundreds of sleeping ducks to annoy.
I remember saying to the guys on our drive back to Brisbane that ‘these are the times we live for’.
That one sentence pretty much sums up the whole weekend, at the end of the day its the memories that have the most value and getting your buds together and going away for a weekend to skate is surely a great way to make some memories.
I guess what I am trying to say is that if you have never been on a skate trip seriously do it. If its something you have thought of doing and just been to lazy to get it organized seriously just put in the effort, it is well worth it.
If you have never considered it I hope you do, I am sure everyone could set up something small for a few days with your best skating friends.
James McErlain made a comment about the trip and I quote, “if it wasn’t for skating the group of us wouldn’t even know each other.” It wasn’t said in anyway to make us all have a big moment of clarity it was rather just a passing comment he made as we skated.
However, as simple as it is, that statement just makes skating worth it. I am willing to bet that most bladers could happily say that there best buds are also bladers and if it wasn’t for skating you wouldn’t even know each other. So take the time to celebrate that by getting a trip organised.
Hell, don’t even organise it!
Follow the Shred guys’ idea and just hop in a van and drive.
Make it your New Years Resolution to go on a trip. I promise you, it will be a great memory, and if you don’t believe me… then well………….
Fuck you!
Blade or Die,
— Zac Hutchings
December 21, 2012
Blader Digest: Before the World Ends
These are my favorite posts to write. There’s no smart-ass commentary, loaded jokes, Monday-morning quarterbacking, and other bullshit that clogs the internet.
The only scrutiny applied only comes when deciding at what I consider to be the best parts of every year. And every year being a rollerblader is a good year, especially every year after 30. It’s about doing the same thing I was doing when I was half my age. It keeps me feeling young inside this 60-year-old body (thanks, arthritis) and I can’t thank each and every one of you for being part of what makes rollerblading such an addictive thing to be a part of.
No, this is simply about giving people some due props. I wish I had a few grand to throw around to the winners like the professionally-led comps did, but hopefully my praise will suffice for its worth.
Skater of the Year: John Bolino
Bolino killed 2012.
He’s been climbing and climbing since he’d been known as Jon Jon and he’s pushing the sport. He killed the NY Invitational, ripped the globe, and was named the AIL Skater of the Year as well.
His style and cleanliness filtered through his own filthiness defines everything he does.
Skating aside, the kid has the spark inside him that can easily be extinguished by the years of age and his life, as lived up until now, is a complex myriad that unequivocally represents the best and worst of everything about America. Down to brass tacks, to best sum him up, I must paraphrase words that were once uttered by the infamous Bill Lawson…
“In other words, Ron Burgundy was John Bolino is the balls.”
He did, after all, do something few skaters can do: be the closing section of a video when Haffey is the opener. (For those of who unaware, I’m referring to Regardless, the video that won last year’s video of the year.)
Which is why we should segue to this year’s…
Video of the Year: Voodoo Show
I’ve already sang this video’s praises for Be-Mag, so I’m hesitant to crap out more text on it again. There’s nothing I’ve learned to do better the second time. Unless it’s sex. God damn that was awkward the first time around.
Amir and the rest of the Strange Creatures kids killed it. The video showcases the latest generation of skaters alongside some veterans like Broskow and B. JSFing Smith.
The entire thing is an amazing experience, especially if you saw it at the premiere at the Blading Cup. If you didn’t, I honestly feel bad for you because of what you missed out on and wish I could travel back in time and teleport you there. Fuck, I wish I could do that to myself right now.
If you even remotely enjoyed Regardless, On Top, Pariah, or any of the other dope videos that have come out in the last few years, you’ll love Voodoo Show. If you see Voodoo Show and don’t love it, we need to have a serious talk.
Speaking of talking, let me tell you a little story about the…
Book of the Year: Shred ‘Til You’re Dead II
This may be the most self-serving category of the year, but fuck it…there’s a book about rollerblading.
Featuring photography from some of the sports best with park skating from some of the sports best, the design and execution of the book and DVD only further shows how well Ivan Narez and Justin Hertel work together to create a quality product.
I wrote the thing. Please don’t let that discourage you from buying hard copies of some of the best skating and nature photography ever bound together with a skate video. (Just to make you feel better, I’ll share this: I went to college for journalism and got a B+ in Feature Writing.)
As long as we’re mentioning Justin Hertel, let’s get to the next award…
Non-Skate Product of the Year: AMall MTN DVSN Backpack
If you’ve been paying attention to what you pay for, you know that AMall and Trust make some of the most durable shit out there. If you’ve ridden Trust liners, you know you only have to buy one pair for your entire life. Even the latest AMall/Valo collaboration skate was the toughest Valo skin ever made. So I was more than excited when Hertel showed me the prototype for a skate bag.
If you’ve bought a skate bag before, you played the game of watching it quickly erode. That, and they normally look pretty fucking stupid if you’re too old to be in high school.
I’ve been putting this bag through my daily routine for about three weeks now. I would have thrown it away if I couldn’t trust it on my back while shredding through morning traffic or protect my beloved books and notebooks in the rain. In that time, it’s stood up to whatever torture I could throw at it (or how many times I’ve thrown it to the ground while approaching a spot.)
The bag is solid and worth every single one of the 6,500 pennies it costs.
I have no idea what that translates to Euros or any other currency.
Oh, and speaking of Europe…
Scene of the Year: Europe
Yes, I’m ignorant enough as an American to clump an entire continent together into a single scene, but if you’re hung up on my stupidity, you’ve quit reading this already. If not, read what I wrote about David Sizemore when he was eliminated in the WRS Uploaded contest (be he rode those eagles strapped to his feet to win it) which seemed to reignite some sort of Euro-American squabble. To settle that, I offer this:
10 reasons why every American is secretly jealous of every european
Access to travel: You can hop a train and go to another country in a long weekend, experiencing an entirely different culture for minimal cost.
Healthcare is either free or affordable. In America, if you get a paper cut without health insurance you’ll never be able to pay it off in your lifetime.
You properly gave Bill Hicks his due celebrity.
You schedule in naps, and not just for college students and stoners.
Your food doesn’t kill you via obesity or diabetes.
You don’t live inside a propaganda machine. (‘mericuh!)
Quality of life isn’t an issue, it’s a right.
You give alcohol the respect and prudence it deserves by introducing people at a younger legal age, which not only decreases likelihood of addiction, but also promotes responsibility.
You don’t have to talking about the latest mass shooting by asking “which one?”
The majority of our earliest ancestors—minus those our earlier ancestors slaughtered for their land—came here on ships that embarked from your shores. You have a greater connection to our ancestral history and creeds.
So why don’t I live in Europe, if it’s so great? You know, the American love-it-or-leave it thinking walking its way through my patriotic cortex and telling me to pack my bags? Because I live in NorCal. And NorCal will always be home to JSF.
Oh, someone said something about JSF? Pardon me while I..
Crew of the Year: JSF
Aggressive Mall may have sold the “Juiced” in Juiced Sucka Foos early on in the year, but you have to know about what’s going on with JSF.
It’s growing. It’s growing older. It’s getting younger. It’s getting stronger. It’s growing bolder. It’s refining its taste. It’s the age that makes wine beautiful and the freshness that makes beer attractive.
It’s Jon Julio and B. Smith behind Them Goods. It’s Ivan Narez and Victor Arias behind Shred. It’s the four of them (and an endless stream behind them) behind Valo. It’s Kennan Scott and Erick Garcia as the real voices guiding the Blading Cup. It’s Zyme and Hard Drive. It’s Rob G. and Sean Keane at Rollerblade. It’s those fools running Roller Warehouse. It’s the fingers punching this keyboard.
This crew is in more places than Dr. Who.
And like the doctor, it always gets continued into another season.
(‘Chu know about Swan?)
Edit of the Year: David Sizemore
Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I chose a competition edit over all of the hundreds of amazing ones put out there. Why, you ask.
‘mericuh, that’s fucking why.
No, but in all honesty, it’s because of all the shit that went down in it in such a structured setting. It was, after all, the edit that was disqualified and tossed out only to be given a dying chance again to rise out of the ashes much like the savior who has a birthday in four days (which continues the Under Dog theme for the year because the same thing happened to CJ Wellsmore at the Blader Cup).
You’ve seen the edit. If you haven’t, you better have an excuse why your view isn’t one of the 46,700+ views it had before the world ended.
I know so many people are fundamentally against WRS Uploaded, but it is, without a doubt, the one edit you can put out a year with absolute guarantee that everyone—including a few thousand non-bladers, if you’re paying attention to the numbers—will watch. It’s better than checking into Rollernews every day because as Dave Lange proved this year, they don’t do anything but accept your advertising dollars without ever checking a single cent back into the sport.
Sizemore knew this. He may not have thought much about that exact idea, but the dude fucking killed for it. He did some gnarly shit and didn’t repost footage or preface that shit with the exact clips you’ll see in an upcoming video (Please, fucking David, do not prove me wrong on this. We go back.) But we don’t.
The edit lasted one minute. 60 seconds. We all get 1,440 of them every day we’re alive and no one all year has done more with that time as David Sizemore.
No offense to any other competitor, but for variety, style, and difficulty, but that scrawny kid from the ATL (shout out to my Walking Dead peeps!) shredded the fuck out of the minute of your life you’ve replayed so many times, the way only dying men wish they could with their last moments.
Do you know what other contest he competed in this year? Many, actually, but it’s a nice transition to the…
Contest of the Year: The Blading Cup
Awesome blading. Thrilling am contest. Skate shop opening party.
Shit was on TV.
Built ramps with Kruse, Wood, Wilson, Miranda, Ramos, and other balling Orange Shirts.
I’ve already said what’s needed to be said on the matter.
Words suck.
Go next year.
If we’re not living in a Cormac McCarthy novel by then.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S. — My dream is to write about rollerblading and write books. Neither pay well, so all of your support is appreciated. Since this site contains no advertising, we generate no revenue. Buy some books so I can pay some bills. Thanks.
December 4, 2012
Blader Digest: The People’s Champion
This is a photo courtesy of Kevin Dowling and in no way reflects David Sizemore's opinion regarding anything in this column. Any insinuation that it does is irresponsible on the part of the opinion-holder.
I was told the title of this post should be “Rollerblading is Dead,” but I’ve heard that talk so many times that it’s become trite to the point of nauseating.
But hell, I haven’t seen this people that riled up about a rollerblading contest since, well, last year.
And, yes, I’m talking about the Sizemore/Cudot battle that just recently concluded in the World Rolling Series Uploaded contest. If you’re unfamiliar with that, you must not be friends with any rollerbladers on Facebook.
Here are, for your reconsideration, the two edits. We’ll let the round’s winner go first. Straight out of France comes Julien Cudot…
Now, it’s time for a bit of that hotness the ATL is so famous for from David Sizemore…
Anyone else’s palms all sweaty with excitement? After getting that juiced, I’m probably going to die doing something dumb on my skate to work.
But, as the internet gods would have it, Cudot would come out on top of this round.
There was, however, a sizable fluctuation of votes at the very end. The logical explanation was that the rest of the world was waking up in the midnight hour here on the West Coast or there was larger play at foot.
Some people had their theories and were not shy about putting up on the World Rolling Series Facebook page.
Social media blew up on this contest. And, since I’m an American and friends with predominantly Americans, it seemed the push was behind Sizemore. There were countless memes, reposts, and the like. One person even took the time to break down the stats of the two edits…
Never before have I seen rollerblading social media blow up with such resounding support for a competitor.
We ‘mericuhcans didn’t take the news of the results very well.
To put it the best way, if the internet occupied by American rollerbladers—and many others around the world—were Oakland, this bitch would be a pile of broken windows, smoldering rubble, and a few dozen kids with head wounds.
Beau Cottington, obviously, took it the hardest of anyone.
I don’t want to go that far because the French did give us the Statue of Liberty and many things since then, but fuck it…
‘mericuh!
Thankfully—and I’m not sure if David’s edit is still eligible—there’s always the six judges (evenly split between the U.S. and Europe) to take a look at the whole deal and issue their statements.
Gentlemen, on behalf of all that is good and decent in this world, please consider Sizemore’s edit for the Uploaded champion.
He is, without a doubt, the true people’s champion.
Just a mere four years ago, America’s David Sizemore was often ridiculed for his helmet, orange pants, and abilities to spin into and out of nearly every grind he did. He was merely a teenage then, eyes all bright and cheerful with wonder and amazement like the tie-dyed T-shirts he was so fond of.
What did he do about it? Did he cry? Did he whimper?
No he fucking did not.
He strapped bald eagles to his feet, made himself a cape out of an American flag, and rose out of the south like they always said they would.
He was busy winning the Hoedown, Last Man Standing, and Mind the Gap in the same year.
It’s like Sizemore Rocky-ed the fuck out of rollerblading and knocked the shit of Apollo Creed and Ivan Drago in the same year. (Okay, if we’re really using a boxing analogy, Sizemore would be more like Little Mac from Punch-Out!, but that dude’s dope as fuck, too.)
But that was 2009 and we’re about to crack open a tallboy for 2013.
Oh, how the time flies.
In that time, Sizemore has only gotten better and quite frighteningly so. He must have been training with that old bastard Mickey because he sure took his advice:
“You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!”
‘Cause that’s what he does.
I don’t remember what magazine it was in, but there’s a photo of Sizemore skating this ridiculous obstacle a few years ago and the caption said the trick was “actually a failed suicide attempt.”
Sizemore’s choice of spots could be instantaneously deadly if it weren’t for his athletic ability.
If you disagree with that assessment, go back and watch his WRS edit for the 100th time.
No one and I mean no one in their logical mind would go up to the launch to electrical box and say, “You know what? I’m going to do a 720 and throw a fishbrain in there.” That’s before he tosses out one of the biggest fakie threes my tiring old eyes have ever seen.
Those of us that have been paying attention only saw that crazy kid breaking weird shit open at BCSD, contests all over the place and breaking open concrete with them Rollerblades.
But you shouldn’t take my word for it. Actually, if you’re looking for the right words, you should always ask that Juiced Sucka Foo Rob G. He always knows what’s up.
Another JSF-ing teammate had a reaction to the contest as well…
Keane put it in the simplest and therefore most effective way: real.
In the limited contact I’ve personally had with David over the past three years, I can, without a doubt, say that that kid is real. Not like American cheese “real,” but like Grand Canyon real.
Even if Sizemore doesn’t win the WRS Uploaded contest, he did what every great champion does whether win, lose, or draw—he inspired.
Thanks for the good show, David, and congrats to Julien for advancing.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S. — As long as you have to buy shit for people you don’t like, might I suggest serving up some of my words to your loved ones. Not your mom or dad, but that weirdo cousin who leaves his headphones in during Christmas dinner. Those are my people:
A Constant Suicide
Freeze Tag on the Highway
Shred ‘Til You’re Dead II
November 28, 2012
Blader Digest: Your Guide to Getting ‘Loaded
If you live over in the colonies, like me, you may either be upset or extremely pleased (which is more likely) that the four-year cycle of politicking is over. We’ve chosen our Supreme Leader for the next four years and no longer have to do any decision making of our own for quite some time.
But hello online politics and democracy that is the WRS Uploaded Contest, presented for your entertainment, for free, on the digital device of your choice.
It’s a chance for the top skaters in the sport—whether you disagree who that is or not—to go head-to-head in a digital bout against not only all the other skaters, but also against gravity and a ton of inanimate objects that would soon put us all in wheelchairs.
It’s all done in bracket formation again, something familiar to any American who throws money down in March on college basketball teams.
The contest started Monday, with the first heat ending with the following results:
Daniel Prell (25%) vs. Demetrios George (75%)
Jacob Juul (31.6%) vs. JC Rowe (68.4%)
Today started the second bracket of the first round. That includes:
vs.
and
vs.
The fun part of last year was watching tally counts swing back and forth between bladers as online votes from around the world being cast into the online fire like dry timber.
And it appears, on Tuesday morning on America’s West Coast (Westside, mother fuckers!), that the first fierce competition is between the two Jeffs.
The edits have been getting passed around Facebook like your little sister on her first week of college.
How very exciting.
But, much like life itself, WRS Uploaded is changing.
A HUGE difference with the WRS Uploaded Contest this year is that it’s no longer a finals event.
Yes, it was last year, but after listening to your many concerns voiced over the usual channels (Be-Mag message board and comments on Rollernews and YouTube) some considerations were made and things were changed around.
Because, you know, democracy.
So before anyone starts tossing down saucy words everywhere about the format of the finals, release those Hammer of Thor fingertips you have and your Thunder God-rage long enough to notice something on the World Rolling Series home page…
Oh Mylanta! The Uploaded contest is a 5-star event, such as Winterclash, Bitter Cold, Fise, and the Blading Cup!That means for those skaters who struggle to come up with the enormous amount of cash to fly to another country, find housing and food, and most likely take time off work to do it (yes, kids, many, many professional rollerbladers also need day jobs to pay their bills), they can make an edit to move up the WRS bracket, if they so choose.
Look at how technology has the ability to unite us all into one giant, loving global community. (And no, I didn’t type that with a straight face.)
Also, you should not read only the rules and regulations of not only the Uploaded contest, but the WRS rankings as well.
But since 90 percent of people online won’t do that, I’ll do it for you.
Let’s take a look at the Uploaded rules first…
“All footage must be new…”
This is a breath of fresh air because, as you all are aware, some skaters used recycled footage to enter into last year’s competition. No more of that.
No one can really blame anyone for using their best hammers, but it’s not like you can go to other competitions, stand at the top of a ramp, and say, “Hey, you remember when I pulled 540 tru acid on this during that sesh here yesterday? Yeah, that counts today.”
Daniel Kinney, one of the event organizers, said it himself in an interview with ONE Magazine: “Any edit that includes any footage that has already been seen online or in a video will be disqualified from both Fan voting and judging. It just wasn’t fair to other competitors that took the opportunity to produce all new content.”
But hot damn, rule No. 1 seems to be a major contention for many people…
“Pro and top 25 WRS World Ranking”
A discussion over who is pro and who isn’t is the quickest way to get some panties all bunched up around some balls. Some people think a pro designation comes automatically, but in typical industry standards, you have to be named so by a boot manufacturer.
However, in the true form of not letting kings sit idly on their thrones, the top 25 contain some pros, ams, and super ams (or people who would be pro if our industry was large and fruitful enough to support as many).
If some lesser-known is attempting to challenge the likes of say, an Alex Broskow, it’s going to take a lot more than some hurricane top souls and big gaps. Alex was doing that shit blindfolded in the KFC days, and now he’s doing such technical deals on such gnarly things that it’s going to take the current generation of skaters to get to his level.
Can young new skaters beat a Broskow, Haffey, Farmer, or Aragon in a competition? Of course.
Can they de-throne them for mad WRS points? I can’t wait to see.
Then again, the support behind Nils last year raised some interesting questions about where skating is headed in the future.
As far as this moment, it appears we’ve got ourselves a strong showing from both the European brethren and their American counterparts.
Smashing.
This digital format also allows skaters to compete on the turf they feel best represents their skating in 60 seconds. While only the first two rounds of the bracket have been announced, it’s always fun watching different styles compete with one another for your love and devotion in the form of a mouse click.
Character…
That speaks for itself.
However, that inclusion absolves you from any ill-feeling you might have voting for the other guy just because you don’t like him.
Judge, my friends. Judge them all.
When it’s all over…
All those fun online votes will be tallied and considered HEAVILY by Uploaded’s six esteem judges—three from the U.S. and three from Europe (or least that was the initial plan).
When the vote is cast, a king shall be crowned and everyone can go on the internet to complain about it. I’ll be loaded up on that mad Haterade and waiting anxiously.
So where and when will the WRS Finals be this year, since it’s not online?
“As great as it would be to have a true WRS World Finals event again, I don’t think it is worth pursuing until it can really be something special,” Kinney told ONE. “A typical park contest just really isn’t good enough in my opinion. There are some great venues out there, but personally I want to be able to offer something new and exciting before we revisit the WRS World Finals.”
So, if you’ve got some good ideas of venues or structure or funding mechanism, I’m sure Mr. Kinney and the rest of the people behind WRS would love to hear your ideas.
Happy democracy, rollerblading!
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S. — Like reading about rollerblading but want more pictures from some of rollerblading’s best photographers shooting photos of some of the sports best park skaters in the best concrete parks in the Pacific Northwest? Want a video to go along with it?
Shred ‘Til You’re Dead II is a book
November 21, 2012
Blader Digest: Thanks for Kids Like Sneaky
Every year around Thanksgiving I try to write a list of things that I’m thankful for, and this year would be absolutely no different than the others.
I, just like you, am extremely grateful for all the people putting in work.
I’m thankful for the company owners, whether long-established or new people taking chances. I’m thankful for the filmmakers, photographers, illustrators, and, of course, my fellow blade writers.
Thanks to the shop owners and employees. Thanks to the ams. Thanks to the pros. Thanks to the people doing it for absolutely no paycheck other than the one that comes in self-satisfaction.
Thanks for everyone who continues to make this incredible sport continue to thrive in the promise that the more we invest in our future we will reap the benefits for decades to come.
Me, personally, at this moment right now, I’m thankful for Razors.
I’m thankful they made the right decisions and moved up Korey “Sneaky” Waikiki up to pro.
Now, I know the thread about said decision continues to be broken down into the smallest of meta forms on the thread on the Be-Mag message board, but I shall attempt—if you allow me to be so bold—to tell you why, if you questioned it, it is a wonderful decision to put someone like him—more specifically Mr. Sneaky himself—onto a pro team.
Now that I’ve made my opening arguments, ladies and gentlemen of the court of public opinion, I—someone who spent time in too many courtrooms—present to you, Blade or Die’s Exhibit No. 1:
Korey ‘Sneaky’ Waikiki | Razors Pro
I wish I knew exactly which wordsmith penned the YouTube description for that video, and I’d love to credit the editor, Nico Sotomayor, but a better character assessment of Sneaky could not have been made:
Hailing from the highly influential Norcal scene, Sneak has grown up around some of the best in the game. His skating bridges a gap between classic style and modern technique. Regardless of trends come and gone, Sneak maintains his own look and a positive outlook on blading. We see him as a future icon. It is for these and many other reasons that we is proud to announce Korey Waikiki as Razors Pro.
For those of you who claim you’ve never heard of Sneaky, let’s spend some time to get to know him. The young chap was good enough to take the time to answer a few basic questions, so let’s all read what he has to say.
First, a little biographical information.
Korey ‘Sneaky’ Waikiki
Age: 21
Years skating: shit, roughly 11 years
Setup: Stock Silhans
Sponsors: Razor skates and Aggressive mall
Videos: Hyphy 2 & 3
Next In Line
In Motion 3
Game Theory (briefly)
Children of the Future
and a lot of online edits…
Q: You grew up—and are still growing—in the Bay. Early in your skating career, you’d be shredding regularly with Vinny Minton, Victor Arias, Ivan Narez, and hella other heads. What was that like as a beginner, being around such seasoned dudes?
A: Wow, I love this question. Basically Ivan, Vinny and the crew came to my local skate park one day and for whatever reason I think they saw some potential because before I know it, I was skating with them every weekend. Naturally being surrounded by that much talent, you are bound to get better. I remember they would take me to spots I didn’t even think I could jump on to then before I know it I started getting the hang of it. Its been on since.
Watching your pro edit, it was hard to tell what your dominant foot is. Do you even have a natural foot anymore?
Yes I do, I am naturally right footed but I would go to the skate park religiously and spend a lot of time learning things the other way. I loved it, it’s like learning it all over again and obviously some came quicker than others but happy I put the time in because now a lot of tricks make sense both ways.
Have you heard anything about getting your own pro skate? If that’s something possible, what color you going for? Also, have you thought of adding spikes to the toe? Could be cool.
Haha, no. that has not been talked about so I really haven’t really thought about it. Thinking yellow might be tight. hahaha
So, since you’re one of the youngest pros—if not the youngest—in the game, what do you want to bring to the sport?
If I could bring anything, I would like to bring more unification. our industry is so divided or so it seems. I feel as that people either prefer the “Broskow” way of skating or the “Aragon,” if that makes sense. Once you decide which type of skating you prefer, often times, it’s like you can’t respect the other type, which to me is dumb. I personally like watching people who skate nothing like me but regardless, if I like what I see, I will be the first to tell you. Lastly, I would also like to get the youth involved more somehow because I feel like our industry lacks appeal to the younger generation of kids.
For other youngins starting out and want to reach the pro level you’re at, what do you recommend?
Hmm… If I could say anything I would tell them to skate for the love not for a paycheck, if it is meant to happen it will.
Now, we all are cognizant of the errors of leaving a bewildered newcomer alone to such mellon-balled, soft-core questions, so it’s good practice in all things fair to unleash our young compatriot to the unnerving hounds of public discourse.
One part of being cast into the limelight is being scrutinized under the inquisitive nature of the online rollerblading community who present themselves in their finest fashion as Rollernews, Be-Mag message board, and YouTube comments. So, if you’re so patient to examine carefully, are carefully-selected comments scrutinizing Sneaky’s introductory editorial debut into the professional rollerblading realm.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: More than 90 percent of the online discussion regarding Korey Waikiki’s performance in his Razor’s pro edit has been not only diverse in discussion, but overwhelmingly positive to Sneaky’s ability and career, but also to Razor’s decision to move Mr. Waikiki from am to pro.)
Sneaky’s exact quotes in reaction to each comment are below said comment.
I don’t understand how people think that. To say Jeph and Aragon or whoever on the team, skate similarly is blind.
Do i need to? I mean, the people that have approached me have been genuine fans of my skating, so I rather please them than seek approval from people who don’t like me from the get go, period.
Like I said, my skating is not for everyone. I would be ignorant to think that I could please everyone.
Whoa. People are ruthless, man. I don’t feel the need to even reply to this one. I don’t like giving reactions to people just looking for one.
I suppose it depends on your definition of pro level. I mean, I know I was happy with a lot of those tricks, especially for a free online edit.
As far as the boring, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I understand my skating isn’t for everyone, but to each his own. Also, no one is forcing you to watch it.
I often get the Aragon comparison, which in a sense I guess is a compliment because he is the best, but I’m not trying to be the next Aragon. I rather be the FIRST Sneaky, if that makes sense.
Aahhh damn! Roasted me. Good one though. I’ve heard MoglI from the Jungle Book too when I had a bowl cut.
In general, I completely agree.
man I miss that dude, he was one of those people that would make everyone around him better because you would see what he could do, which would push you to do better. anyways, he kind of lost sight of blading and went down his own path, but from what I hear from other friends in WA, he hasn’t lost a step.I met Sneaky in 2009 after the Kind Grind Classic Ocho in lovely Sacramento, Ca., home to all those dope, JSFing Roller Warehouse kids. This was after the comp where we found ourselves sitting next to each other in a Mexican restaurant that made its own tequila. He was 10 years younger than me and I was still grom-struck from this steazy, skillful little shit that did the tricks I could only do so well in dreams. Who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t do anything he does.
Then, and many times after, we’ve been able to talk at length on numerous subjects, from a philosophical take on human interaction to how much alcohol it would take to get an elephant drunk.
Besides his skill on the blades, Sneak projected the sheer essence of his character: talented, smart, equipped with quick wit, and a possessing a wide-eyed youthful look at the world.
In the three short years from when I met him to the moment I write this now, I can safely say Sneaky has been through enough eye-opening experiences in his life to make him appreciate what he has even more, although I didn’t think that was possible.
Sneaky may be young in comparison to most other pros (hell, Bolino is only a year older than him), but he’s been a smooth staple of the NorCal blade scene for nearly a decade and reps his JSF status very well.
Sneaky will make for an excellent professional skater not based merely on his talent, but because of a largely-overlooked aspect of being a professional skater: being a professional.
This means more to sponsorship in this sport than the average blader believes. Being pro isn’t based on the talent you can throw in front of a camera lens or large competition crowd, but also how you conduct yourself as a man (or a lady).
If you think being made pro is based solely on the talent you can display immediately on command, go talk to Stephane Alfano and I’m sure he’d have a lot to bitch about. He’s the prime example of an incredible athlete whose unwillingness to adopt certain professional standards equated to nothing more than his name being a punchline. Things like flashing your bare ass on national television and burning JoJo with a cigarette at Winterclash have nothing to do with skating other than acting like a complete unprofessional.
So, the next time a company makes a decision to toss someone into the professional ring, consider the fact that personality plays a huge role. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you this: working with incorrigible ego-driven people rarely gets anything accomplished.
Sneaky? He’s nothing like that. He’s young and talented, but also humble, inquisitive, and hungry for life. He’s so tech you can’t tell what his switch is and holds nearly unlimited potential into what he can accomplish.
Sneaky isn’t merely a child of the future but also someone who is improving the present every day.
Under proper constructive criticism, the potential of Sneaky’s abilities to expand not only the vernacular but the confines of rollerblading in a postmodern X-Games deployment-esque scene is much more exponentially powerful that merely dismissing the legacy of a many on a few years drunk on youth and the manifestation of pure, God-given freedom.
From JSF BBQ to BCSD, Sneaky has always amplified the quality of any situation he’s been a part of, whether on blades or conversing about any topic.
If you have cross words about Korey Waikiki being named pro for Razors, then I shall not restrain myself from crossing words with you, good sir.
Rollerblade or Perish,
— Mr. Brian John Lydwine Krans, Esq.
P.S. — If you’re so inclined to partake in my other word play, may I suggest you order A Constant Suicide, Freeze Tag on the Highway, or Shred ‘Til You’re Dead II from quality retail establishments like Aggressive Mall, Intuition Skate Shop, or wherever you may find them.
September 11, 2012
Blader Digest: Why You’re Going to NYC
Only a fucking moron would write about New York City on Sept. 11, especially if he’s never been there.
Hi.
That’s me.
I’m sure everyone’s Facebook and Twitter feeds are blowing up with fair-weather patriots who recite the same rhetoric every year. They recite slogans like, “Never forget the cost of freedom,” which makes no sense whatsoever if you’re a rational thinking being.
The yearly flag wavers the equate the day four planes fucked up our country as a day of solidarity when clearly it is a reflection of the polarity of how we live. When those planes crashed, they dropped many of our freedoms with it and none of them had to do with any terrorist group.
Since then, we get exposed to radiation so a barely-equipped human can see that your father was born a woman just to get on a plane. Our government can obtain any information from us without a warrant under the ruse of national security. It expanded police forces across the nation to have unchecked power to completely outgun the population and take extreme violence against any citizen who flashes any kind of opposition to their authority.
New York was the harbor where many, many of our ancestors entered this country. They were welcomed by the Statue of Liberty as a sign that prosperous times were ahead. And that what’s what they did.
They created steel mills to crank out the beams to build into the sky. They went further out to farm and feed the hungry Lady Liberty asked you bring to this country. They built schools to educate the young, homes for the old, and hospitals to heal anyone.
Now, we’ve closed the gates and made it nearly impossible for anyone to enter under legitimate means, our crops are patent-protected by corporations, and the only way to be healthy is to never get sick.
But, hey, that’s the cost of freedom, right?
No matter what the fuck anyone throws at New York City, it will always survive. Always. From plague to blackout to terrorist attack, New York City will always stand.
Detroit aired these ads during the Super Bowl about how it was a city undefeated. That may be true, but as hard of a place as Detroit is—especially in the depressive depths of winter—New York is the place. It’s a giant that will swallow you whole if you’re no one that thinks he’s someone. The worst part is that your death will go unnoticed with all the others that day.
That sounds like the dopest place to blade, party, and play. And that’s why I’m going to the NYC Street Invitational.
Have I ever been to New York City? No.
How is that possible? I’m still not sure.
Is the 2nd Annual NYC Street Invitational the best reason to change that?
You’re goddam, red-white-and-blue right it is.
From my earliest memories as a rollerblader, I wanted nothing more than to skate New York.
It was FR, Ryan Jacklone, Dave Ortega, Rawlinson Rivera, and a slew of other old school cats that took zero shit from anyone who got in their way of doing what they love. They were the embodiment of the youthful, fuck-you attitude of blading at the time, as well as an overall specimen of kids raised on New York Streets.
And they left that legacy behind them for the next generation of skaters.
“Hanging out with The Riggler is like hanging out with Tony Stark himself. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of hanging out with Ryan Jacklone, you’ve met Iron Man,” according to Franco Cammayo.
Which totally makes sense because New York has got its share of some superheroes.
New York City is the Brooklyn Banks and every skate park they’ve built with the intention of being skated. It’s the streets. It’s the five boroughs. It’s the personality of each block and how quickly you can end up on the wrong one if you don’t know what you’re doing and don’t keep your head on your shoulders.
It’s organized chaos the best that America could manufacture and there’s going to be another huge skate competition in the middle of it.
What the fuck is your excuse for not being there?
Billy O’Neil is a great blader and an amazing dude. It’s appropriate he’s behind all of this. While living in Oakland for the time being, if you speak to him for more than 30 seconds, you’ll quickly figure out where he’s from. Finding out what he’s all about, well, that takes some time.
He recently fielded questions from Be-Mag about this year’s comp. This was the most important part:
Q: Some people are probably still doubting about whether or not to travel to NYC. Give them three good reasons to start packing.
1. Best city ever.
2. Biggest scene.
3. Gonna be a great event, just like last year!
Cammayo gave his own reasons why bladers should descend on New York like those giant alien things in the Avengers:
“There’s so much dynamic energy to feel and experience. From the drunken hobo on the street corner to the Wall Street guy to the hottest girls you’ve ever seen from every country from around the world to clubs that don’t close to after parties to pool parties to parties that never end,” Cammayo said. “You grow up living here and you end up learning how to speak 17 languages just from talking to people.”
To come up through New York is no fucking joke.
You have to be insanely stylish, incredibly technical, and do it all slapped fucking sideways with style. The likes of Jacklone, Ortega, Fish, Cammayo, Austin Paz, and others are living, videotaped proof of that.
But the big names skaters you already know don’t define New York skating though. Yes, they’re a part of it, but New York skating is all about the kids you don’t know. It’s about the kids collectively getting better everyday and sessioning the shit out of spots 50 people deep. You may not know their names right now, but you might be riding their pro skate some day.
Again, this year New York-based Create Originals and San Francisco-based Bernal Heights Collective are putting up the money to make this comp work. If you ever visit Bernal, you’ll probably sue Disney afterwards for false advertising because it, not Disneyland, is the happiest place on Earth.
As New York is the most densely populated city in the U.S., which basically means they have to stack fuckers 900 high, I’m sure they won’t even notice a few extra hundred rollerbladers for the weekend.
I think I’m some kind of big shit because I skate the traffic of San Francisco daily and without a care. I’m sure New York is going to quickly show how big of a liberal, California pussy I really am. I can’t wait for the opportunity to attempt to prove it wrong or die trying.
I’m sure it’s going to prove to be another insane time with the homies.
Next up, we’re getting hella fucking Westside for the Blader Cup on Oct. 6.
I’ll see you in New York, do a lot of poor living for a little bit to save some money up, and I’ll see you again in Santa Ana.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S. — Buy books.
September 4, 2012
Blader Digest: Blader Dating
I wrote on this once and deleted the entire post. I don’t want this to come off as some whiny diatribe about how something, something, something. Lord fucking knows the internet needs another one of those.
This is only meant as a humorous attempt to talk about something that happens from time to time. If it doesn’t come across as that, hide under a blanket and cry if you’re not doing that already.
You know what I’m talking about.
The bomb.
The rollerblade bomb.
You know you’ve hesitated to tell a girl right away that you rollerbladed. Admit it. You’re guilty of it.
Fuck, I’m learning I better start doing it.
About a month ago I had half my face shredded off. Wounds still fairly fresh on my dome, I decide to go to a bar. I figured if I talked to any girl that night, I had more than two words to say to her, which is two more than normal.
There was the typical girl in San Francisco sitting by herself at a bar: pretty, young, dressed well, and waiting for the next guy to buy her drink. This one looked like a combination of a cute TV reporter I used to know and Colbie Smulders, or the hot brunette from How I Met Your Mother.
She approached me. We talked for a little bit. She said she had a boring office job, which they all do. She said she wanted to do something else. I don’t remember what it was. It was probably becoming a certified yoga teacher, organic kelp farmer, or something.
She asked what happened to my face. I told her I crashed into a friend at the skate park.
“Skate park. Oh, so you skateboard?”
It’s the usual assumption, so there’s no point in even talking about it.
“No. I rollerblade.”
“Rollerblade?”
This girl stands out because her eyebrow twitched and the corner of her mouth yanked so far back on her face I thought she just had a brain embolism and a major vessel in her brain ruptured. Normally it’s the same expression the first time you fart around her, so long as that first moment is the moment of silence at her father’s funeral.
The about-face she did was fucking so amazing that I wish I had it on video. It was comical, like I told her I had a needle-thin dick covered in AIDS. I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off.
Either way, it’s the typical reaction from uppity girls:
Which brings this response from us:
Just another day in the blader dating game.
Playa, playa.
Okay, not at all.
I was talking to Justin Hertel, owner of Aggressive Mall, Trust, and all other sorts of cool shit, about this same topic not too long ago. He said he waits until date No. 2 to drop the bomb that he “owns a rollerblade shop.” I mean, yeah, it’s the biggest shop in the world, but it’s still a rollerblade shop.
I’ve written about similar incidents involving bladers at bars and why rollerblading isn’t cool. Why is it such a popular theme?
Because I like to bitch.
Now, I could say any and all demise with members of the opposite sex could be in part because of major defects in our personalities and the struggle of how we were bred as hunter-gatherers for 8 million years and now we’re forced into a society where we’re told to sit down, shut up, and mindlessly do a job, but where’s the fun in that? I’m one of those people who find it healthy to blame all of my problems on others, despite the fact the only thing all my problems have in common is me.
But let’s face it: there’s a good chance the one thing we all share in common can be a serious cockblock at times.
I’m not saying blading doesn’t have its groupies. I’m not saying blading doesn’t have its girls that jump from blader dick to blader dick. Any sport, from yoyoing to downhill Big Wheel luge, will have those girls. Then again, most dudes I know looking for a quality woman aren’t looking for someone who’s been around the block with their friends. They’re looking for that one girl. That one cool one that gets it.
Where do you find those women?
We could have an online dating site ready to connect us to ones seeking our lifestyle. Such as…
A writer over at Vice magazine recently did a piece on the online dating site that bills itself as a meat market for people who want to tell their friends they’re dating a “skater boy.” As with most Vice columns, this one contained a bad social experience that needed to be shared, for some God awful reason.
For those looking for the TL;DR of the article here it is: a girl who used to hang out at Pac-Sun wanted to find a love connection with a skater, so she tried the dating site DateSkaters.com. Her specimen’s code name was “ToekneeHawt.” He was 32 years old, wore those shoes that look like the gloves your mom wears when she does the dishes, they got drunk, talked about and consumed pharmaceutical drugs without a prescription, he complained about his ex, and ended up throwing up at the bar. There’s no date No. 2 in that future.
Not that any Vice writer would ever find something outside their own perspective, but before this goes any further, this needs to be said: Vice’s investigative reporting is some of the best in the business right now. Their lifestyle columnists, well, they need a life.
They may have passed on Dateskaters.com, but there looks like some quality meat circulating through that market. I call dibs on karies1959 or steppenout:
I would honestly, for the sake of science, like to hear about a blader who went on a date from someone on that site and drop the blader bomb on them on the first date.
You’ll either get scoffed at or still get thrown around under the sheets. Then again, I’m sure anyone cruising that site wouldn’t know the difference between a skateboard and rollerblades, so just collect your VD and call it a night.
But careful what you call yourself on that site because some bladers take serious offense to identifying themselves as “skaters.”
Honestly, though, it seems like the skater from the Vice article was yet another long line of posers, people identifying themselves with something for no reason other than the public perception. You all know skateboarders like this. They’re the ones spending more time at the skate park holding their board than actually riding it. They wear the skating clothes and cruise the malls. They bring their skateboards with them everywhere so they’re easily identifiable as a douche.
They’re about three years ahead of the scooter generation, so at least they have that going for them.
Because let’s face it, no self-respecting skater would wear barefoot running shoes.
I still consider it a blessing that there are few posers in blading. While their parents’ money is good for building up an industry, at least you know if you see someone wearing skating gear that they’re not some chump just trying to look cool and pick up girls.
You’d be better off faking cancer for sympathy than trying to use blading to get laid. Seriously, unless you’re at the ranks of Chris Haffey, Brian Aragon, or that lovable scamp Chris Farmer, don’t cry foul when you’re little fruit boots don’t make panties slip off like roofies.
In essence, we’re like the ugly girls in high school who have to develop quality personalities instead of just resting on what’s apparent from the outside. I’m pretty sure John Hughes could make a movie about it. It would be sad and depressing and we could all have ourselves a good cry.
Cry over what? I’m not sure. I don’t see the point in my own bitching anymore. It’s fucking dumb, really it is.
The only thing that separates us from other sports is public opinion. Most rollerbladers have the same kind of dedication to blading than some Olympic athletes.
We are motivated in improving ourselves.
We are dedicated to those we love.
We seek challenges.
We know what makes us happy.
We care about something.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a girl who can hang with the homies, understands why you do what you do, and doesn’t give you too much shit about it. Granted, when you get a girl like that, you better notice it and take damn good care of her. Throw a ring on her finger and hook yourself a good one.
I’ve seen it happen. I know many of men who have turned cool chicks into amazing wives. I know guys who support their women because they support them in their blading and everything else they do.
Trust me, even if you deny it until the day you die, that’s what you want.
The easiest way to do that is to date a fellow blader. We have female ones and some of them aren’t too damn shabby looking and can emasculate most of us on wheels. But, the dangers of that go with the dangers of only hanging out with skaters: you may miss out on some of the normal parts of life.
Now I will never advocate that normal should never described, but there’s great advantage in dating someone who doesn’t do the exact same things as you do. You have to diversify, yo.
Or you could just swear yourself single and never venture into the dating world, but I suggest against that. Dating a woman can be either the most challenging thing you’ll ever do, or the easiest thing, depending on your selection process and how much shit you’re willing to take in exchange for it.
Women bring a lot of damn good qualities into life. The right one gets what you do and why you do it and thinks it’s an admirable trait. The right one will take you out of your comfort zone and into places filled with no one you have anything in common with just so you have the opportunity to grow as a person.
And putting our penises into women has been an evolutionary trait that has helped us populate the planet to the point of extinction. It’s just what we like to do. Deal with it.
For any woman brave enough to venture our way, there is a guide available to you. Even at the very worst (which this isn’t), it’s a good thing to read for anyone who has ever read The Idiot’s Guide to Whatever.
If you haven’t read it yet—or casually dropped a link a few times in front of your girlfriend—check out the
Girlfriends Guide to Dating a Rollerblader
The entire blog is written from the long-term girlfriend of a rollerblader. In it, she explains every little bit of unexplained behavior, offers insights to women in her place, and how to stock the necessary supplies.
Just by her first post, I can tell this woman gets it. She sounds fucking awesome.
Instead of mindlessly harping about weird shit her blader boyfriend does, she writes with complete sincerity, almost like a case study of some weird breed of human that’s largely misunderstood by larger society. Which we are, so that’s why her writing is so insightful.
Major topics worth checking out include:
Skate videos
Road trips
Wax supply
The cool thing about this is seeing an outsider’s perspective in what we do. Instead of hearing the weird nagging girlfriends can do, this woman has a romantic view of what we love. She understands the life and what it means to us. The blog is a great way for anyone new to the life to understand our idiosyncrasies and how to manage them effectively.
For most girls, the trouble is trying to comprehend the whole ordeal of blading. It’s not just something you fucking do on the weekends, it shaped the entire way we grew up. Outside copping a feel at a fucking school dance or two, most of our childhood memories revolve around skating in one way or another.
Every bit of trouble we’ve ever been in is because of our blading friends.
We’ve been arrested together.
We’ve had friends save our asses from possible death.
We did all of this because everyone else was kind of fucking boring or shady.
You bleed with people on a regular basis and you instinctively bond. (I find it oddly strange that women don’t get that this is how guys work, too.)
Also, blading keeps us from becoming fat pieces of shit. It gives us a reason to take care of our bodies. It gives us something to be excited about.
That girl at the bar and every other girl at a bar are going to judge the fuck out of you the instant they meet you. They’ve been genetically programmed to do that so the world wasn’t populated by the lowest common denominator of our species, but we’re going against that now since we forgot to spay and neuter our reality television celebretards.
Old bar skanks will become impregnated by someone dumb enough to not use a condom and they’ll leave the scene to be replaced by others. I mean, yes, the bar whores can help alleviate important animal urges to spread the seed, but thankfully good science has lowered the risk of that seed surviving.
So if you’re looking to lock down a good woman, make sure she’s awesome. If she’s not, kick her. If she is, you make sure you let her know it every damn day. You better be a goddamn sweetheart because a good woman is a hard find.
If you hesitate to tell a girl you blade, you’re already with the wrong woman. If she’s not down with what you do, fuck her.
But don’t make her your girlfriend.
All right. Thanks. I’m done for the night. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
Blade or Die,
— Brian Krans
P.S. — Books, mother fucker. Do you read them?
- European Customers: Freeze Tag on the Highway and A Constant Suicide.
- Amazon
- Kindle
The next book I was a part of will be available soon. It’s about blading. You want to get it. It’s dope.
(Thanks to all those who purchased books since the last Blader Digest. A donation will be made to the Dylan Huntbach fund in Iowa. On behalf of blading as a whole, we can’t thank you enough for your donations and support.)
