Eric Arvin's Blog, page 15

New Interview, Guest Starring Rick Reed & Cowboy Strippers

SJD Peterson~*~It's all in the touch: GayRomLit Author - Eric Arvin: GayRomLit - Eric Arvin - Virgin 1. The list of events is amazing. What are you looking forward to the most? The only thing I've...

The List: Italian Arvinio, HuffPo Arvin, & Arvin Around the World

1. The Italian language version of my book Galley Proof - titled Solo una bozza - was released this week, and next moth the Spanish version of Simple Men is released. My plan for world literary domination has begun. Release the hounds!!!

2. Screenwriter Michael Tennant and myself are on the prowl for producers/directors for the adaptation of my first novel The Rest Is Illusion. We have four directors interested and/or looking over the project as I type this. I am not above whorring myself out to get this thing produced.

3. The Oscars should be decided on like the Olympics. I for one would love to see Ryan Gosling wrestle Michael Fassbender for Best Actor...naked.

4. I have decided how exactly I want to tell my surreal hospital stay - the one that happened to me two years ago when I was deathy ill, in and out of a coma, with pneumonia. I'm going to write a book in either journal form or as a series of letters to some fictional character and title it The Pneumonia Memoirs. If it doesn't win the Pulitzer...well, I don't know what.

5. I was mentioned in the Huffington Post not once, but twice last week. Awesome, huh? My stock is rising, Number One. Soon I shall be eating at the finest restaurants in Madison, Indiana. No more McDonald's for me. I'm moving up to Hinkle's Hamburgers!

6. I've decided my new pre-New Years goal to take up travel writing doesn't go far enough. Instead, I want to start a travel company that caters to adventurous folk like myself who may have some physical issues but still have the NEED to see the world. I'm also going to contact the Travel Channel SOMEHOW and propose a program - maybe have a camera follow me around and document my travel joys and foibles. Of course I'll have a wacky gal pal for comic relief. It'll be like the Amazing Race...with Patsy & Edina. Anyone out there have connections at Travel Channel?

7. Bodybuilders should hire themselves out as stress relievers. Seriously. Who needs a stress ball when one loud smack on a bodybuilder's big bare ass is so much more satisfying. Just sayin'. They like it. They're all bottoms anyway. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah. You know I am. Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah.

8. By the time Future Eric posts this blog piece on Sunday morning Past Eric will have finished the first draft of his epic speculative fiction piece Terms We Have For Dreaming, which he has been working on for the past 8 months. Present Eric is most excited about this. Now it us up to Far Future Eric to edit and clean this work up and make it sparkle and sing. All the other Erics will stand back in judgement if Far Future Eric should fail. They will laugh at him.

9. Reading Michael Flynn's Eifelheim, or trying to. Was distracted when I saw a blurb by sci-fi writer and gay hater Orson Scott Card on the back. Well, at least it was the back. I am firmly against damaging books but I will not have that man's name in my collection... so I cut the bottom half of the back cover off and threw it away. Silly? Perhaps. Petty? Not really, asshole. Satisfying? Immensely. I sure showed him!

10. This may come as a disappointment to some, but I am giving serious thought to shutting down my website Daventry Blue. Originally that site was meant to be for my writing, but somewhere along the way it became a dumping ground for EVERYTHING that caught my fancy, including hot sexy mens. And while I do enjoy hot sexy mens, you can find the same photos on any Tumblr site on the interweb. So, just fair warning. One day soon Daventry Blue may be no more.

EXCERPT: Galley Proof

To celebrate today's release of the Italian language version of Galley Proof - Solo una bozza (HERE) - here be an excerpt from that very work. An online chat between the two leads, the writer Logan and his editor Brock, on everything from writing Logan's new ancient-themed galley ship romance to which superhero would be best in bed:



Brockkimble: Are you there?
LoganBrand: Yes. I’m on. What’s up?
Brockkimble: We need to make your book more gay.
LoganBrand: Huh?
Brockkimble: Yeah. You heard me. We need to gay it up. It’s early yet, so we have plenty o’ time to fix it.
LoganBrand: Fix what?
Brockkimble: Some of these notes and ideas you sent me… they’re all well and good if you were going to write a buddy film. But this ain’t Butch and Sundance. These guys are supposed to be in love, not BFFs. Take something you know about modern gay culture and transport it to then.
LoganBrand: I’ll be honest, I’m not terribly familiar with what gay culture offers. I’ve not really done a lot.
Brockkimble: For instance?
LoganBrand: I’ve never been to a drag show.
Brockkimble: EVER?!
LoganBrand: Don’t yell at me! Yes. Ever.
Brockkimble: What about dancing? Do you go out dancing?
LoganBrand: Absolutely not. Why would I do that?
Brockkimble: You are a gay, right?
LoganBrand: Not every gay man embraces all the clichés. There are plenty of us who are perfectly content to stay at home on Saturday nights.
Brockkimble: That’s a lie!
LoganBrand: It’s true.
Brockkimble: I won’t believe it! I can’t!
LoganBrand: I’m rolling my eyes at you now.
Brockkimble: The next thing you’ll tell me is that you don’t own any Diana Ross CDs!
LoganBrand: Please! If I have to hear “I’m Coming Out” one more time I’m going back in. I prefer Dylan over Diana.
Brockkimble: Downer, party of one. Your table is ready.
LoganBrand: LOL! Fuck off. So, I need to “gay things up,” whatever that means. Fine. Is there anything else, O Mighty Editor?
Brockkimble: Fisting.
LoganBrand: Excuse me?!
Brockkimble: Fisting. Have you ever tried it?
LoganBrand: Hell, no! And why?! And have YOU?!
Brockkimble: I attempted it… once. I chickened out at the last minute. It’s on my “to do” list.
LoganBrand: You are absolutely insane! There aren’t enough drugs in the world to make me want to be someone’s hand puppet!
Brockkimble: Calm down, Sphincter Sally! I wasn’t asking if you wanted to do it. I was just thinking that is the kind of rough sex play that might be appropriate for the prisoners on your galley ship.
LoganBrand: Lots of fisting in ancient times, was there? That’s a bit intense.
Brockkimble: Have you not seen Caligula? My point is, you need to dirty it up.
LoganBrand: Gay it up and dirty it up. So, the reading public is now filled with filthy perverts?
Brockkimble: You got it. So shock me, hooker. Make me think the worst of you.
LoganBrand: I don’t want to do that!
Brockkimble: Ah, jeez! I don’t even know who you are anymore!
LoganBrand: What?
Brockkimble: Nothing. Just a line from a movie. Quick question. Whose ass would you fuck first: Superman’s or Batman’s?
LoganBrand: Do you have some form of Tourette’s where you ask completely inappropriate questions?
Brockkimble: I’d fuck Batman. Superman has all those superpowers. It’s only logical that he’d have an impenetrable bunghole. I don’t want to break the key trying to get it into the lock, if you get my meaning.
LoganBrand: And who knows if you’d ever get your wang back if you did manage to stick it in there, right?
Brockkimble: Now you’re getting it!
LoganBrand: Have I any other choice?

Arvin in Italian

The Italian language version of Galley Proof - Solo una bozza - is out today!(HERE)  As of today I am officially international.!

I'm Melting!

For six weeks a couple years ago I participated in an experiment and/or gift on (or to) myself. The impetus of this came from me wanting to better myself, both physically and emotionally. When I got sick – struck down by a genetic disorder - I was in my prime. I looked amazing. (That’s not conceit; I really looked great.) For a gay man in my shoes – small conservative town, not being truly talented at too much aside from bodybuilding, not particularly well-off, etc., etc., – looks are very important. But then, aesthetics are very important to a lot of folk. I prided myself on my chest and arms and the ability I had to sculpt my body into what I wanted it to look like. My body – for better or worse – became my identity. It’s how I saw myself. I should have known there would be issues down the road, but when you’re that young, who’s thinking of the future?

After my illness, my body faded from its former glory. I’ve been able to keep it respectable looking since, but I will never again have 20 inch arms (though my chest – in scientific terms, my BOOBAYS! – is still doing very well). All my life I’ve had problems, as do a lot of men, with my midsection. I have never had the washboard abs of our lovely Olympic swimmers. It’s just not in my genetics. But I always tried to keep trim and cut so that I would look good in the tight sweaters I insisted on buying. Unfortunately, my illness now limits what I can do, so a lot of cardio is out. And my wrist has been weakened to the point that I only do pulley exercises – no free weights. This has led to a bit of the dread love handles, not too noticeable, but to me they’re ever-present. My body dismorphia won’t let me shrug them off. For a while now, I’ve been trying to figure a way to rid myself of those treacherous things, exercising my buns off and saving liposuction as a last resort. Then I came across Ultimate Lipo at Splendid Spa in Louisville, Kentucky. I figured, what the hell. If it will make me feel better about myself, go for it, right? As a gift to celebrate the anniversary of my brain surgery (August 26), I got a package of six visits to the spa.

The idea that you’re going to have the fat melted inside your body like butter is a bit disconcerting at first, but it’s a pretty unremarkable experience. The office is lovely and smells gorgeous. The staff is nothing if not friendly and quite chatty. Any anxiety I had about the procedure disappeared within five minutes. Basically you are asked to lay on your stomach while a technician rubs a cold jelly on the area that’s annoying you and causing the issues with your sexy. When that’s done you’re zapped with a device that looks like it had a past life massaging hearts back to life. This zappy-massagey thing is applied a good 20 minutes to each lovely set of love handles. There is no pain. My only issue was, I’m not a huge fan of masseuses or people I don’t know touching me in any intimate manner.
As far as results, I honestly didn’t expect much. Things that seem too good to be true usually are. But to my surprise it really worked! I lost four inches from my tummy section and two inches from my sides. Were my abs showing through like some Abercrombie model? No. But they never have and never will. Still, I felt kinda pretty again. I’m a pretty girl, momma!

Oh, if I had had a mountaintop I would have gone and twirled about on it tout de suite!…Of course, somebody would have had to help me twirl, otherwise it would have turned into a vertigo-induced disaster: Eric twirling – Eric tripping – Eric tumbling down mountain – Eric laid up in hospital and gaining all that fat right back – Eric cursing God and vowing his revenge.

Eric has a peculiar imagination.

EXCERPT: "Electronic Love, Australia"

This is one of the Cat/Gael stories from my antho  Slight Details & Random Events (available via Dreamspinner HERE). These tales are loosely based on my own life. Here, Gael is studying abroad and converses via email with his boyfriend, Cat, who is still in the States.

Electronic Love, Australia
Eric Arvin


Hey Baby!
From our conversation on the phone after the flight I could tell you were still edgy about my being here. All I can say is that it’s only a year program. I’ll be back soon, and with a masters degree. (I think you’re just pissed that your degree is going to take twice as long. Just kidding.) Please don’t get all sentimental on me like you did when I left ever again. Evan helped me through the first hours of missing you... well, Evan and Starbucks. I’m glad she came with me to Australia. Oh, and about Evan, she thinks you hate her. What’s that about? Please write her and tell her it’s not true. Anyway, better go. Evan and I need to find a hostel while we search for apartments near campus. I’ll e-mail every day. There’s an internet café on every corner here. It’s amazing! You and I both know neither of us can afford phone calls right now. Like I said before I left, though, I promise to call once a week AT LEAST.
Love you and miss you!!
Gael


God I miss you! And it’s only been two days since I saw you at the airport! I’m a pussy.... Anyway, no, I won’t write Evan. The fact is I do hate her, the bitch! Just joking (or am I?). I’ll write her as soon as I’m done here. Classes are going okay where I’m at. Cold as fuck, though. I can’t believe it’s summer over there. So weird! I mean, they have Christmas on the beach. Sounds sweet.
I’m glad I got to spend this Christmas with you. Mom really liked you. Thanks again for finding that Willa Cather first edition. She loves it. Valentine’s Day was my favorite, though. You and me in my apartment on the sofa all night. I love that it snowed. GOD, I MISS YOU!
Well, babe, I gotta be getting to class. You’re a day ahead down there, right? So if I want to catch you on Friday night that means I need to call early Friday morning? You’re always ahead of me. Overachiever!
Love you Baby!!
Cat


Hiya Dollface!
Been here a week now. It’s so strange. This city is massive! Sydney feels larger than any place I’ve ever been and yet I know Rome has to be larger. Evan and I stick pretty close for fear of getting lost. As I told you in our lil’ weekly phone splurge, the hostel is nice. They say we can stay on as long as we need. Usually there’s like some time limit. A certain length of days and then you’re out, but this is apparently not a busy time for them. Summer is winding down now, after all. The hostel has an internet café located in it, so that makes things easier. Last night Evan and I went to the roof where they have set up a nice picnicking area. We got a couple alcoholic beverages (against the rules, by the way) and watched the planes landing and taking off from the nearby airport. It’s all very pretty, though a bit loud. Tomorrow we’re going to sign up for classes. ( I told you the hostel was right down the road from the University of Sydney, right? In fact our road leads right to the University park.) Afterwards, we’re going to check out some more apartments. I hate having to go through a realtor to find an apartment. I don’t trust them.
Oh! One more thing. I forgot to tell you about this flight attendant on the long flight over. He was checking me out. I mean, really checking me out. I was wearing that black sweater you got me for Christmas. Well, the guy looked more like a rugby player than a flight attendant. He was hot! Anyway, he kept chatting it up with me. He even brought Evan and I a couple of those gift thingy’s from first class. When we were about ready to land, all buckled up, he says to me “You’re very cute”! I didn’t know what to say! I retorted with a clumsy “Thanks.” I just thought I’d pass that on to you. It was amusing.
Who loves you, Baby!
Gael, that’s who!


Whoa!!
Are you already forgetting about me?! Keep your pretty gay hands off those rugby-playing flight attendants! You have no idea how jealous I just got reading that. I’ll admit it. I got jealous. I’ve decided that I’m going to come visit you. I have gotta see this place for myself. Don’t know when. I haven’t fixed a date in my head, but it’ll be as soon as I possibly can. I’ll start saving now.
Things here are pretty much the same. It’s still very cold but the weather guy says everything is going to warm up next week. We might even hit a balmy 50 degrees. School is everything I thought it would be. Very, very dull. I’m beginning to think I went into the wrong area of study. Maybe I should just join the army, or (hee hee) the navy like my dad. Mom says ‘hi’. Oh, and do you remember Blake Parcel? Big guy, chubby, really nice but smelled like rotten tomatoes. Well, he sent me the strangest letter today. I’m not sure, but I think he’s telling me he’s gay. Did you ever get a vibe from him while he was my roomie in college? I bet he was trying to look at me naked! Dang homosexual!
Yours truly (who will be calling your ass this weekend to interrogate you on said flight attendant),
Cat


Great news darling!
Sorry I haven’t written for a couple of days, but we found an apartment! Actually, we found lots of them but this is the only one the realtor will let us have, and we still had to haggle over the rent. AAARGH! Anyway, it’s a two bedroom second floor apartment in a really nice area. It has a balcony, crown molding, and a security buzzer-upper thing, like on Seinfeld. (Unfortunately, it also comes with what seems to be a very large family of cockroaches. We’re told, though, that Sydney has a cockroach infestation problem. It would be the same anywhere. Yuck.) We are actually located in a suburb of Sydney called Coogee. It was once a resort community. We can see the beach from our balcony. It’s a good spot to sit and check out the surfer boys and sun-tanned studs. There is plenty of eye candy here (though none compare to you, darling :). There’s a nice little café by the beach that Evan thinks should become our morning tradition, and a fitness center right outside our door. It’s all kind of perfect, actually. I can’t wait for you to see it all!
Classes are going okay. It’s so much easier than I thought it would be. I guess going to school at Verona really paid off. How are things going with your classes? Has it gotten a little more interesting? Spring’s just around the corner (for you anyway), just keep that in mind.
We finally got a small cd player so I was able to listen to the CD you made me. I love it!
I miss you! I miss that purty mouth o’ yours. And I miss that ass. I jack off to it every night (wink).
Lata figure-skata!
G


Sooo happy to hear you like the CD. But then, why wouldn’t you? I have great taste. “Pancho and Lefty” was my favorite song on the CD. Gotta love Townes van Zandt! (Your gal Emmylou does a great cover of that tune, by the way.)
I’m so jealous that you are out on that beach all the time. When I come for a visit I think I’ll be spending most of my time on the sand... well, there and the bedroom (wink wink). But please, I don’t want to hear anymore about the surfers! Enjoy them in silence. As for my own ass which you alluded to, I’m keeping it fit for you. I joined a baseball team. It’s an amateur league here in the city. Nothing big, but it’ll keep me in shape.
Grad school is fucking dull. I hate it! Nothing new to report other than the fact that it’s becoming a little harder. My grades are slipping of late. I’m just not interested in anything they are teaching me. I’m thinking of taking some time off after this term.
Blake and I have been spending some time together. He’s really nervous about the whole gay thing. He’s even more closeted to his friends and family than me. He does look better, though. He doesn’t smell anymore either. He makes me a bit nervous sometimes. I think he might be flirting with me. I don’t know how to let him down easy. I’ve told him about you and me, but he doesn’t seem to care. Don’t worry, though, I’ll keep him at arm’s length..
And get this: Mom is trying to set me up with some girl in her church. The pastor’s daughter!
Anyhoo, gotta git. Talk soon, baby. Love you!
The C-man



Okay. I don’t really know how to ask you this, but my mom is really pressuring me to date the pastor’s daughter. I think she’s getting suspicious. She’s always asking me why I don’t have a girlfriend. What do you say to me fake dating her? Not for real. Just like a show for my mom. Just for a bit.
Cat


I get that you’re upset. I tried to call back after you called me but I know you’re pissed off and probably chose not to answer. I’ll try again tonight. We can talk this out. It’s just that Mom is asking all these questions. You had every right, though, to call and scream at me. I’ll talk to you soon, I hope.
Love
Cat


Baby! Please answer the phone! Or at least e-mail me again!
Love
Cat



Thank you, thank you, thank you! That phone call meant a lot. Finally speaking to me again, huh? It was so great hearing your voice. I realize that breaking that news to you through e-mail was probably not the best way to go. No matter now. I’m going to tell Emily that I’m gay. I did tell you that was the pastor’s daughter’s name, right? Emily. I’m doing this for you, but I have to get Mom off my back somehow. Any suggestions?
Cat



Kitten,
I’m glad to hear that Emily took so well to your coming out. I can’t believe, though, that she wasn’t attracted to you. Impossible! Yes, I suppose it would be okay for you to be her show-pony... or she yours. Whichever the occasion calls for. So I guess Rosa is pretty happy then, huh? Her son is “dating” the pastor’s daughter. How long are you going to keep the charade up?
Anyway, been hanging out with some guys from England. They’re all obscenely wealthy and bumming around Australia for a year. They’re a lot of fun. The two I’ve taken a liking to are Ewan and Liam. (How original, right?) All they do is go to the beach and then travel on the weekends. They stay in hostels, but I don’t understand why. They can afford much better accommodations. They play rugby near the beach a lot of the time. Evan and I will go down and watch. They asked if I wanted to play but there’s no freaking way! Those guys kill each other! American football is for out and out wimps now that I’ve seen this game.
Forgive my jealousy and childish behavior over Emily.
Love you!
Gael



Blake Parcel killed himself. Heard the news yesterday morning. That’s why I didn’t call. I went and visited with his parents after I heard. Some of the other brothers from the fraternity came to see them as well. I don’t really know how to feel. I knew him, but not extremely well. I lived with him, but we didn’t share too much. In the last couple of weeks we hung out and everything seemed great. He was even talking about putting his pic on one of those internet matchmaker sights. Everyone is puzzled as to why he did it, but I think I know. He was going to tell his family he was gay. Maybe they didn’t react the way he had dreamed they would. Baby, this scares me. What would happen if I told Mom? I’m going to call you tonight.
C



How was the funeral? Stupid question, I know. Are you feeling any less uneasy? I wish I could be there for you. I’ll call later.
Love you,
Gael



Thanks for the pix you attached to you last e-mail! Damn you look good. Down Under agrees with you. I’m in a better mood now. Blake’s death just put me in a deep funk. It’s been over a week now, though, and I think I’m getting back to normal. Went down to visit Verona, our alma mater, last weekend. Walked to he Point and sat and stared at the river. It did me good. The weather’s nicer now. Just sitting there I felt refreshed. You know that Joni Mitchell song where she sings “I wish I had a river that I could skate away on”? It kept running through my head.
Missing our jogs,
C



Have I got a story for you!
Evan and I went out partying with the Brits last night. Everyone got sloppy drunk and, after the Redcoats had stumbled off to their hostel, Evan and I too went to bed. Well, in the midst of my drunken slumber I am awakened by a figure in my doorway. (I always leave my bedroom door open.) I was terrified at first, but then realized the thin frame to be Evan. She was taking off her clothes! Not slowly either, but as if they were on fire. She then came over to my bed and mumbled something. I couldn’t understand a word. Aside from that her box was directly in front of my face! That’s right! Her naked-to-the-world VAGINA was staring right at me! It was terrifying... and completely shaven. I didn’t know where else to look. How do you avoid looking at something like that? So then she ran to the door of our apartment and tried to open it, all the while mumbling something that sounded like “I know we know, I know we know.” I watched as she ran to her room, then back to the aforementioned door. This back-and-forth went on for about 20 minutes. I was getting very concerned. When I tried to stop her and ask what was wrong she said (finally something coherent) “It’s in my blood.” What?! What kind of nutcase had I agreed to lease an apartment with? “It’s in my blood.” Was she on drugs? Sleep-walking? She finally succeeded in getting the apartment door open and going out naked into the hall. She was ready to climb down the stairs and go outside but I dragged her nude ass back up. Well, after about an hour she calmed down and laid on the couch. I stayed watch for a bit longer, just in case. I covered her up with blankets and went to sleep. The thing is, she doesn’t remember a thing about it. I’m freaked out. Do you think somebody might have slipped her something? Liam and Ewan were with her most of the night. Either of them maybe?
Anyways, how are you?
Love
G



Hello Lover!
So Evan thinks her lunacy the other night was a combination of mixing her medication for depression and alcohol? Whatever. It’s still a little funny, though. Tell her to take it easy.
Emily and I are the perfect fake couple. Everyone is none the wiser. Emily’s dad, the pastor, is happy that his daughter is dating such an upstanding, moral boy. Emily needs me for show as much as I need her, it seems. She’s had a boyfriend for a while but has had to keep it secret because her father disapproves. I’m in a big, fat cliche but it’s working for me. Mom is ecstatic. She’s already making wedding plans! She’s come down with something. A cold or flu bug, but not even that can keep her from reveling in the fact that I’m dating the pastor’s daughter.
Love
Emily’s show-pony,
Cat



It makes me a little sad to think that neither your mom nor mine would be as ecstatic about planning a wedding for the two of us. Everyone says they want happiness for their children, but it’s selfish really. How will marrying so-and-so make the family look, or will they have children for the relatives to spoil. I don’t like this Emily girl. Not one bit. It should me and you, not you and her. Why can’t people be happy for us?
Classes stink. One in particular, Ancient Roman History, is so full of pompous Eurotrash students that I feel nauseated stepping into the room every day.
Later
g


Cheer up darlin’. Things will get better. You only spend a few hours a day with your classmates then you get to spend the rest of the day with people you actually like, right? And about the wedding thing, it’s a ridiculous tradition. Weddings always lead to divorce and anger. Ask my mom about that.
My classes are almost ended for the year. I’m still debating on returning next term. We’ll see.
I’m definitely coming to visit next month. I put the plane ticket on the old credit card. I’m so excited to see you again! I’m gonna call tonight.
C



Hey baby.
I’ve been feeling very ill the last few days. I don’t really know what’s wrong. I don’t have a fever but I have the symptoms of the flu. A few of them anyway. It started after I hit my head the other night. Evan and I had the Redcoats over and Ewan, drunk off his skinny little ass, jumped on me. I lost my balance and my head hit the corner of the wall. There was a bit of blood but everyone assured me it wasn’t serious enough for a doctor or stitches. I guess I should have gone anyway. I have gauze wrapped around my head. I’m sure it’ll start a trend.
After it happened, as I sat there cradling the back of my head, Evan and Liam were making out right in front of me. I was a little pissed off! A little concern might have been nice. I actually thought at the time it was a bit more serious than their drunken minds could fathom. I still do. I might go see a doctor.
I’m through with drinking, Baby. Done.
Is Rosa feeling any better?
Love
Gael



Sorry for the frantic phone call. Didn’t mean to wake you, but you had me scared. Are you feeling any better? I can’t believe you didn’t go to the doctor right away! I know I reamed you out about this on the phone, but it was a really stupid thing not to do. Oh, and is it okay for me to hate Evan again?
About the drinking prohibition: I agree. I think it’s a good time to stop. Maybe we’ve been drinking too much as it is. Actually, there’s no ‘maybe’ about it. I’m gonna stop right along with you. Moral support.
In other news, I fake broke up with my fake girlfriend Emily. Mom is devastated but she’ll get over it. I’m tired of having to act all lovey-dopey around people. Emily told her dad about her real boyfriend. That’s what broke up our faux relationship. She got angry with her father and just blurted out that she was cheating on me with another guy. I’d say ‘bless her heart’ if I were religious. She took the fall. She’s the bad guy. All I get is sympathy. She doesn’t really give a shit, though. Her and her man are moving in with each other downtown, and they’re happy. Of course, I have to act upset for a while, but at least it’s over now. I can move on to other girls, you know?
Well, take care. Call me tonight. I want to know how you are doing.
C



God, I feel awful. I thought I’d feel better by now. In fact, I feel worse. I’m sick to my stomach. I can’t keep any food down. I think that’s due in large part to this acute dizziness, vertigo, whatever it is. I lay down and the room just spins. Sometimes it feels as if my eyes aren’t catching up with my head when I turn. Also, I have this loss of strength. My grip and strength in my wrist seem to be lessening. I’m a sight to see, Boyfriend. I hate going out of the apartment because I just get so disoriented. Like I’m lost in the world, like I’m on the wrong planet. Everything has a dream-like quality. It’s a nightmare! On the bus ride home from campus today I lost my balance and fell over on some chick. The driver took off before I could find a seat. She gave me the dirtiest look. I’m not myself anymore. I am completely changed.
Mom wants me to return home immediately. I know she’s worried sick. I want to see if I can fix this and stay here, though. I really like it here. I have an appointment with a doctor at the Prince of Wales Hospital.
Thanks for the daily calls. They keep me looking forward to things. Mom too. She calls every day as well.
Love, and talk soon.
G


COME HOME!!! You sounded terrible on the phone. I know you love it there but you have got to think of your health. You can come back and get well, then go to school somewhere here in the States. The fact that your leg seems weaker and your ankle keeps giving out worries me. You would feel better back here in the States with people you knew. Those few you’ve met in Oz can’t be of very much comfort. They don’t know you like we do. Evan will just have to find another roommate. Vomiting every morning is no way to start your day. Besides I need you here to help me fend off my mother. She wants to set me up with another girl.
Please come home. I’m supposed to come down in a couple of weeks, but I might see if I can get on an earlier flight to drag your ass back!
Love you and want you home!
Cat



I had a CT scan today. I hate those things. I remember my Dad having to deal with them when he got sick. They’re so loud and uncomfortable. I have another appointment with the doctor to discuss them. Dr. Phelps is his name. Nice enough, I guess. He smiles a lot. It makes it seem things might not be that bad. I know that’s not the case, though. I’m still as ill as ever. Vomitous and gross. I haven’t been able to workout and it’s showing. I sleep a lot and try to keep from falling. I’m missing all my classes. I haven’t the strength to travel to class. It takes 45 minutes from Coogee to the university. I don’t really care about my studies anymore. My profs are e-mailing me their worries. I’m missing too much, they say.
Evan isn’t really that helpful. She’s pulled away. I don’t think she deals well with illness. She had a brother who died while she was in high school. He had some disease and lingered for a few years in a coma before he passed away. I don’t really try to ask too much of her. I know how uncomfortable it makes her.
Anyway, I’ll call and let you know about the results from the scan. Talk soon. Keep writing me. It’s the thing I look forward to most every day.
Love
g



Don’t you worry about me not writing. I’ll write five times a day if it’ll cheer you up. Evan needs to grow up! I know for certain I hate her now. I’ll be coming to see you in a couple of weeks. Have you given any more thought to returning home? I think it would be for the best.
As for my educational adventures, I too am missing classes. My reasons aren’t as acceptable as yours. Simply put, laziness and boredom are keeping me away from my seat in the lecture halls. Also, I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything. You and your dilemma are always on my mind.
I’ll write you later today and I’ll call. How’s that? Something to look forward to, huh?
Keep well and keep your spirits up,
c



You get your ass back to class! No excuses for you! I’m kidding, of course. I understand disinterest. From our phone conversation it sounds like you are probably just unsure of direction. Maybe a year or so out of the halls of academia would be just the thing for you. I’m off to see the doctor about scan results. I’m a little scared.
Love
Gael



Cavernous hemangiomas. I looked it up on the internet. There’s some sites you might want to look into. I’ll e-mail the addresses to you later. Just because your father died from it that doesn’t mean anything, does it? It’s not always fatal like that, right? God, I wish I knew something to say. I’m so frightened for you. How did your mom react? I couldn’t do anything today. I just sat around my apartment and tried to figure this hemangioma thing out.
I quit school. I can’t do it anymore. I got a job as a manager at a GAP. I start this weekend. What are your plans now? I know the doctor said this would work itself out in time, but do you still plan to stay in Australia? I should have asked that on the phone. Write me back ASAP.
Love
Cat



Can you get a refund on your ticket? I’m coming home after all. I’ve already booked a flight. I’ll call you tonight with the details. Mom was so relieved when I told her. She’s even flying out to meet me in L.A. Then we’ll fly back home from there. Evan is helping me pack. She’s started looking for a new roommate. I hate to leave but I know it’s the best thing to do. This morning, before anyone was stirring on the beach, I went and sat on the sand. I enjoy just watching the water lap at the shore. I put some of the sand in a little bottle. One of those tiny ones that hold samples of liquor. I’m taking it home with me. I’ll stick it up my ass if I have to. Part of Coogee Beach is coming back to America with me. I’m not going to the beach again before I leave. That was it. Well, I’m tired and I can only type one-handed now (I have no strength or flexibility in my right hand), so I’ll say goodbye.
Later baby.
Gael



I’m so happy you are returning! I know you’re feeling like shit right now, but things will get better. It’s the way life is, right? One day it’s smooth water and the next you’ve hit the rapids. I’ll take care of you. I’ll drive down every day to see you. My mom’s sick again too so maybe the two of you can get together and bitch and moan. (Kidding.)
Your mom called me like you asked her to. I’m meeting up with her in Verona and we’ll fly out meet you in L.A. Everything’s gonna be okay, Baby. Nothing lasts forever. Good things will always trump the difficulties.
Can’t wait to see you!
I love you so much!
Cat

Looking Back at the Music of 2011

10. Coldplay, MYLO XYLOTO. Nobody writes anthemic rock like Coldplay, and Chris Martin's melancholy voice treats every note just right. The first half of this album is stronger than the second, but any other artist in today's boring pop music world would be drooling to get their hands on Coldplay's throwaways let alone their merely "good" tracks.

9. A.A. Bondy, BELIEVERS. Atmospheric and dreamy, Bondy's newest sounds like it could be the soundtrack to a David Lynch film. Picture yourself driving down a desolate road at midnight with this CD playing low in the background...
8. Bright Eyes, THE PEOPLE'S KEY. Conor Oberst is one of the greatest, most inventive songwriters of the last decade. Some people don't care for his artistic flourishes, like having this album opened and closed by the words of a spiritual teacher who speaks of aliens, but I love it.
7. City & Colour, LITTLE HELL. The haunting vocals alone are reason enough to purchase this album, but with songs like "The Grand Optimist," where Dallas Green ponders his own worth and ghostly sings "I guess I take after my mother", and it's a must have. This was my major new find of the year.
6. Middle Brother, MIDDLE BROTHER. A fun hillbilly/rock group made up of members from Dawes, Deer Tick, and Delta Spirit. Their song "Middle Brother" has one of my favorite, if inexplicable, lines of the year: "I got a dick so hard that a cat can't scratch." What?
5. Over the Rhine, THE LONG SURRENDER. From Cincinnati, this husband and wife team created one of the most swoony, bluesy records I heard all year. Karin Bergquist's vocals are gorgeous, and when teamed up with Lucinda Williams on the track "Undamned"...lawdy. The most touching song of the CD is "Only God Can Save Us Now," centering on the residents of a nursing home.
4. Frank Turner, ENGLAND KEEP MY BONES. Trust me. Once you hear "I Still Believe," a rowdy song about the power of music, you'll be hooked. Turner does rock n' roll with flair, but he also has the ability to pull some heartstrings with songs like "Redemption."
3. Ryan Adams, ASHES & FIRE. Adams' best work since GOLD, but this is an even more thoughtful affair. Those who keep shrugging him off as a has-been are big stupid-heads. His voice at times can be the equivalent of a steel guitar.
2. Emmylou Harris, HARD BARGAIN. A gut-wrenching set of songs. There is the occasional lovely lighthearted meander (the fun "Big Black Dog", which will make you want to go hug your own dog immediately), but this is for the most part a very sad and beautiful album. With songs ranging in theme from Emmit Till to New Orleans after Katrina to the loss of close friends, how can it not be.
1. Gillian Welch, THE HARROW & THE HARVEST. First of all, how great is that title? Gillian is an amazing one-of-a-kind artist. Her voice is recognizable even to people who aren't familiar with her name. Her songwriting and playing is nearly as spare as it gets, but so damn haunting. That's what made her record TIME (THE REVELATOR) an all-time favorite of mine. Here she mines that same familiar territory of lost souls, but offers them some kind of redemption.

Guilty Indulgence: Eric Arvin Interview

Guilty Indulgence: Eric Arvin Interview: Since I’ve been away from the site for so long, we’re doing a Sunday with Sid this weekend too! Tyra and I reviewed Eric Arvin’s “Wok...

EXCERPT: Gordy & The Vampire

I have a Gordy story featured in Richard Labonte's anthology, Erotica Exotica. (You can get it through my Amazon widget to the side.) It's called "Gordy & The Vampire," wherein our muscled witless wonder takes on a cum-draining demon. The story, with quite a few tweaks (I said TWEAKS!) and a new title, is being turned into a comic book by Class Comics, to be illustrated by Absolutbleu. Here be a scene from the short story that will not be in the comic book version, though. It really needs no explanation other than to say that Bubbles is the name of Gordy's roommate and fuck buddy. Enjoy!



After about ten minutes of staring at a blank computer screen, Gordy gave up on studying. He needed Bubbles for that anyway. Together, they had half a brain. He decided to get dressed and head over to the gym for the second time that day. It was getting on in the evening. He would wait for Bubbles to finish his workout, and then they could talk about Bram. But as he walked down the hall past open dorm room doors, he was stopped by Boo. Boo was a skinny thing with a lot of determination. There was no way he’d ever get as big as Gordy, or even Bubbles, but darn it if he didn’t try anyway. He was the hardest working lost cause on campus.
“Hey, Gordy!” Boo shouted as he strained and kicked out a pull-up on his door frame. “Can you spot me?”
Well, hell yeah, Gordy could spot him! That’s what Gordy did best. So he put down his backpack and stood directly in front of Boo. Gordy held the tips of his index fingers on each of Boo’s puny biceps. This seemed to help the little guy out quite a bit. There was only one problem: Gordy’s chest was so huge, and he was so very near Boo’s crotch that an accidental titty fuck commenced. Gordy supposed the big smile on Boo’s face was surprise and satisfaction at a job being well done, each rep a victory. But those watching and drooling knew different. Boo’s hard-on grew with each pull-up. Gordy’s chest unintentionally flexed and squeezed his hallmate’s meat. The friction on Boo’s dick was mind-blowing. It was like the most awesome handjob he had ever received. In only three pull-ups he felt the precum surge. How long he could hold it, he wasn’t certain. But damn if he was going to tell Gordy to stop. Each rep was agony. His balls were close to exploding Of course, Gordy felt the thickening dong sprouting in his cleavage, but an erection during a workout was a common thing. All that testosterone flowing through the body makes things come alive.
Boo got caught on “ten.” Or rather, he knew that if he completed the pull-up, he would splooge all over his shorts and maybe all over Gordy. But his spot wasn’t having any wimpery. Not on his watch! He encouraged Boo vocally and when that didn’t seem to work, he helped with a slight push up on Boo’s triceps.

That did it. Boo’s gym short-wrapped dickhead popped out from between the two massive pecs and spewed buckets of jizz. Boo let go of the doorframe and Gordy stepped back in surprise as the Boo Goo gushed out of the thin material and all over Gordy’s face. Boo did not fall to the ground however. Oh, no. Gordy’s massive pecs held tight to the suffocated penis as Boo spasmed high in the air. By this point, the audience of hall watchers were wiping up their own accidents. Gordy eventually realized he needed to relax his chest if he wanted to detach little Boo from his being. Having done so, Boo slid exhausted and happy to the floor.
“Dude!” Gordy said, as he made his way to the bathroom to wash his face. “This always happens. I try to be a nice guy, and I get a face full of goo.”

The Italians LOVE Me!

The Italian language version of Galley Proof to be released August 28th! I'm international, bitches! My evil plan to take over the world has begun! Bwahahahahaha!!!