Maria Hammarblad's Blog, page 9

Yesterday was national coming out day

No, this isn't a post to tell you I'm not a straight female - I'm fairly sure I am. Many times through life I've thought it would be easier to be attracted to women, because men can be difficult, but it never happened.

It is a post to urge people to live and let live.

One can't generalize about a people as a whole, because we're all individuals, but I think the average Swede is better at putting things in a mental, "none-of-my-business" box than Americans are. I've met so many people in the USA trying to convert everyone else to their religion, condemning the way of life of the people next door, or even shunning their own children because they're different.

Not cool.

Over here, we're more likely to make up our minds, legislate, and move on.

Again, I'm not saying there aren't Americans who mind their own business, or Swedes who meddle - this is a gross generalization.

We decided on abortion being legal in 1938. No, I didn't switch the numbers around. 1938.

We decided that transgender persons should be able to change their legal gender in 1972, and legislated about legal protection for persons in a same-sex partnership in 1995. Gay people are welcome to get married in church.

When I say, "I'm Swedish, I don't care" I mean, "I'm Swedish, I don't care."

I know two dogs - Border Collies - who got married in a church. Pretty sure many Americans would throw a fit over that one. We think it's cute.

By the way, did you know American anti-abortion organizations are trying to mess with our abortion friendly laws? Talk about being bad at sticking to your own business - Sweden is on another continent, and they still feel the urge to meddle.

I digress. I was going to talk about national coming out day.

The day made me think of the bathroom debate where Christian groups wanted to patrol public restrooms at Target to make sure everyone uses the right one. That in turn made me think of transgender people. I'm sure it's difficult enough in my culture where everyone uses the same bathroom, can't even imagine the struggle of living in a nation where people try to regulate where you pee.

Yes, I know bathrooms aren't the real issue, but they make a good example.

I was born a woman. I have lady parts and I identify with being a woman. Sweden is more equal than America, but there is still a gender gap. Imagine if the only way to catch up with male privilege was to change you gender.

Imagine if someone were to say, "We could surgically remove your breasts, and make you look like a man down there. Hormon treatments can make you grow facial hair and deepen your voice. That way, you can get the same salary as a man, have the same opportunities as a man, and be treated as fairly as a man. What do you mean you'd be uncomfortable? You just have to pretend. Be normal, as a man."

That would be pretty upsetting.

It may be a bad example, but it's exactly what society does to transgender people. You feel like a woman, but you were born in a man's body. Too bad, be normal and pretend to be a guy. Or, you feel like a man but you were born in a woman's body. Shouldn't that be fun? You have your own boobs to play with.

Some people are comfortable in their body, others are not. There's a wide spectrum of gender identities and sexualities. What's "normal" will depend on the person defining the word.

Can't we all just leave other people alone, and let them live their lives in a way that makes them happy?

Conversion

Happy Sunday! Do you like lazy Sundays, or do you have activities planned? Me, I try to get a little of both. In case you need something to do, here's the beginning of my novella Conversion. 


Rhodesia’s heart thumped in her chest. People could probably hear it in the next city.She forced a breath into aching lungs and kept a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of an explosive exhalation. Hiding behind a tree was hardly sufficient, even if the trunk was wide enough to cover a two-person hovercraft, but she had to catch her breath.Were they still on her tail?Probably. And they wouldn’t be tired.Maybe she should just give up and submit to the conversion. No place was safe, she had nowhere to run, and perishing alone in the forest might be worse than turning into one of them.A beautiful sound drifted down from the branches above her head. One of the indigenous birds sang. Happy, joyful, and defiant.Through her adolescence teachers talked about the old world and life on a planet called Earth. She never understood why it was important, not until now when her own life was in shambles. Remembering the past might be more valuable than she ever realized.Birds on Earth were allegedly different than here, but it was hard to believe such a preposterous statement. Flying animals should look the same everywhere.She remembered a photo of a feathered creature with an extraordinary beak. It hadn’t even been a hologram; the picture was two dimensional, and so old the color had faded. Pelican. It had been called a Pelican. How such a being could fly boggled the mind.The birds of Lucretia looked more like the drawings of dragons she’d seen in an ancient book for children. Sleek, with long bodies that shone with an inner light. The one above her sounded like it would be yellow and orange. Their song varied with their color.She wanted to look, but it would be hidden in the leaves and she couldn’t afford to divert her attention. Earth dragons breathed fire and probably weren’t real. The birds of Lucretia had no fire, but were still radiant.The bird cut its song off and the forest around her became too quiet too quickly. That could only mean one thing: they were near.They were faster and stronger than her. She’d only gotten this far because of a head start.It didn’t matter. She needed to run. The bird had reminded her of the value of freedom and slavery was not an option.She peeked out behind the trunk, but couldn’t see any pursuers. That didn’t mean they weren’t there.Her feet were heavy and did not want to run anymore, but she made them. She was too tired to be quiet and almost stumbled a couple of times, but regained her balance at the last moment.I’m going to die.It might not be true, not even if she stopped running and submitted, but it felt true.Her great escape stopped just minutes later. She threw herself down on her stomach and took in glimpses of a large road. The pavement looked golden in the sun, and it stretched out with no interruptions as far as she could see. Days earlier it would have been crowded with traffic both on wheels and in the air. Now it lay deserted.Walking on the road would be easier than trekking through the forest. It would also make her an easy target.It led to New London. She had been there a few times and it was a nice city. Crowded, but pleasant. People were polite.Cities had clean clothes, water, and food.It was just an illusion. New London would be in no better shape than New Tampa, and getting out of there almost killed her. Mankind was overrun by its own creations, and any city would be a deathtrap.Maybe she should cross the road and resume her trek through the terrain on the other side?It was just an excuse to feel the pavement under her feet, and once she stepped onto it the call of civilization might be too strong. She might not be willing to step off. She’d keep walking, comforted by any remains of her lost world, and it would lead straight to her death.On the other hand, did she stand a chance alone in the woods? She could hold out for a few days, but what were the odds of someone solving the world’s problem before she succumbed to starvation and fatigue?What if I’m the only human left on the planet?She would need a ride off-world. The elders had placed the planet in quarantine and there were surely beacons transmitting gloomy messages of death and destruction, but there might still be ships able to fly. She had never left the planet, but how hard could it be?The spaceport couldn’t be far, and to get to it she’d have to cross the road.She climbed the short but slippery bank on all fours, determined to get to the other side before she changed her mind again. Minds were such fickle things.The deserted road was eerie, much more so when standing on it than when seeing it from a distance. Alone in the forest she had been able to pretend the world still functioned, but roads were never empty. She reached down to press her palm against the smooth surface. It was cool and smooth. At least buildings and roads were still reliable. For now.“We accomplished this. We built this.”Her words were too loud. Now would be a good time to run, stay out of sight, and hopefully be forgotten.Get off the road.As much as she told herself to hurry, she dragged her feet. New London had a thick wall and it looked safe. Tempting.“Doesn’t matter when the danger comes from within.”Her voice sounded spooky in the thick silence, but talking to herself helped her move forward.Getting up on the road hadn’t been difficult, but seen from above the bank of gravel slanting down to the forest looked steep. She crouched and squinted, attempting to make out a safe way down. Falling would be bad.Was that movement?No. Imagination. Or, maybe an animal.She kept her eyes on the spot, just in case the leaves would separate and show a human face. This was the end of the world and her instincts might be reliable.At first nothing moved, but then the greenery parted and a man looked out. He stared at her and held out a hand.“Come with us. You will be safe.”Right. Sure I will.She got to her feet, slowly. He might still be human, but odds were against it. Even if he were human, he might also be a crazy, cannibal rapist.“You will be safe.”The slow repeating of words and the lack of expression on his face convinced her.Not human.Where there was one, there could be more.Had he come from the city?She nodded, pretending to consider the offer, and glanced to the side. A group of five advanced in an eerie, synchronized manner.The man said, “You will be safe” one more time, and the others repeated the words. An eerie choir of human voices void of emotion.The only way clear led to the city.“You know, I’m gonna have to take a rain check on that.”Her voice came out strong and clear. At a time like this, small victories mattered.The words didn’t slow their approach, and she spun around and ran.She didn’t expect to get far. Her escape earlier in the day had been dumb luck; she wasn’t that good at running. She expected the pursuers to approach like the wind, but they weren’t good at running either.Maybe human bodies were complicated to control and they only managed a slow shuffle without falling over?If this was the case they would adjust. She should take advantage of their weakness while she could.I need to get off this damned road.Good idea, but no telling what she would run into in the forest. She only had rudimentary memories of the area, but there had been smaller settlements outside the wall. If all those people had turned and filled the woods, she wouldn’t stand a chance.She dared a glance back. The pursuers weren’t breathing down her neck, but they were moving faster.Her lungs burned and her legs ached. It had been a long day with no rest, and she wouldn’t be able to go much further.Something moved up ahead by the city gate. Had she waited too long and trapped herself between groups of enemies?No. Only humans could move that erratically.Shouting voices drifted over on the wind. She couldn’t make out the words, but only humans would shout.Safety might be an illusion, but she’d hardly be worse off with them than alone.She forced her legs to move faster and ran like she never had before, to the New London city guard. One man caught her when she collapsed at their feet, and she heard a voice bark orders.
“Get her inside. It’s time to clear out the woods.” 

A person difficult to handle

I normally get along pretty well with people in the work place. Working is about doing a job. If you like the people around you that's great. If you don't, you still have to be able to cooperate.

Thus, I was surprised when encountering a person I really can't work with. I don't know if it's me or her, but there's a mutual dislike unlike any I've ever experienced.

I'm not the best in my field, but I'm certainly not the worst. Overall, I'm pretty good at what I do. During the past 25 years, I've successfully worked with organizations on six continents - the seventh is uninhabited. I have a degree from a university, I've taught desktop publishing and marketing...

It all started when this person - new on the job - posted a photo upside down on a Facebook page.  I asked her to take the post down, rotate the photo, and put it back up. I figured, if I ask her to do it herself, she'll figure out what went wrong (it's a cellphone to computer thing) and know how to get it right next time.

She responded that sure, she would do that, and continued with informing me she knows the job better than I do, because she went to college.

Right...

Ever since then, it has been made clear to me that if she needed to know something about SEO, grammar, considering viewers' different platforms, readability, image resizing, or anything else, her college teachers would have taught her.

I've tried explaining that school is a bubble that teaches generic responses to generic situations, and that real life can be a completely different thing.

That makes me an idiot, because she went to college, and she knows everything she might ever need to know.

Seriously, I'm fine with people not knowing things. Everyone starts somewhere, everyone needs to practice and learn. I'm also fine with people who are good at something asserting themselves and their skills. They should!

Problems start when someone makes all the beginner's mistakes, is completely clueless, and combines it with attitude.

If she were my employee, at this point, I'd fire her. Unfortunately, she is not.

Right now, I do stuff, and she takes credit. Or, she does stuff and messes it up, I fix it, and everyone thinks she's great. Quite frustrating, really. It feels like an endless clean-up job, because she can't improve and become good at the job until she realizes she doesn't know it. That doesn't seem likely to happen.

I tell myself that if I'm patient, maybe she'll disappear. One can hope, lol.

It has been a long road...

...but I have been reestablishing relations with the imaginary people living in my head. Also known as characters.

Turns out, they're not happy with me. One of the main characters in the Embarkment 2577 series has been stuck in an alien spaceship for around two years while I've been in real life. He's pretty upset - and refuses to tell me how he gets out of the snag. I may have to poke him, haha.

Another character is grumpy, because I left him in the 16th century for a year and a half. He claims to miss clean water and electronics. Not to worry, he'll be back in the 21st century any day now. Maybe...

Yes, having conversations with imaginary people is normal for me. It's okay, I'm a writer.

"Someone's always listening" - I don't know about that, lol

If you're on Facebook, you may have seen posts circulate with people saying their door is always open, there's food in the fridge, their kitchen table is a safe spot, they're just a phone call away, someone's always listening...

It sounds like a great idea. Humanitarian. Help each other out. I almost shared it.

Luckily, I sat down and thought about it before I shared it.

My door is always locked, because Topper (dog) has figured out how to open it. I avoid letting people in the house, because I don't want Boo Bear (dog) to bite someone. He likes nine people. I can name them, lol! There are piles of pet hair everywhere, because I'm more likely to be writing on something than cleaning.

The fridge usually has an echo, because unless I'm out of pet food or coffee, going to the store is less interesting than whatever project caught my attention. Phone? I don't use it for that... I answer if my mom calls - which happens about once a year - and if I call someone, it's an emergency and I need a veterinarian.

My kitchen table is a spot for Koda (cat) to nap on a pile of mail I didn't get around to throwing out.

It's kind of like the time everyone were supposed to wear safety pins. I was good at that for one day. Then the safety pin went into the laundry with the shirt and I haven't seen it since, lol!

Who are these people who are organized enough to offer a permanent listening ear, an available refuge, and know where they have their safety pins? Not me, that's for sure.

It's new to me :-)

I traded my dear old Audi today. It wasn't an easy decision - I was fond of it - but I think it was the right decision. In Sweden, you have to take your car to a special authority once a year. They go through the vehicle and check everything from emissions to brakes. (I love that you don't have to do that in Florida, lol!)

To pass, she would have needed a lot of work done on the brakes, a new O2 sensor (I replaced one this summer, but there are more), and some other little fixes. Plus, winter is coming and I only had one set of wheels, so I would have needed rims and tires.

After doing the math, it became cheaper to trade her. I felt guilty for leaving her at the dealership and driving away in another car, but I am no longer the right owner for her.

Now I have a slightly newer Ford, and I think it will work out really well. Smaller engine - might not be a bad thing with my heavy right foot - still large enough to fit all the pets if need be, summer and winter wheels, and newly serviced. A little rusty, but less than the Audi, lol. It's a 2004 so far from new, but it's new to me.


I will miss the Audi's seductive whisper. It remained constant no matter how fast I drove. "I have a big engine, a really big engine, it would be easy to go faster." It's probably a miracle I still have a driver's license, haha!

The guy selling the Ford asked why I set my sights on the cheapest car in the lot instead of getting a new car, free from problems. I almost fell over laughing and told him about my adventures with the Honda Fit. The tranny that broke shortly after the warranty expired, and mysteriously wasn't included in the drivetrain warranty. The alternator that allegedly broke because I had a broken tail light.

I fell into that trap once. Hopefully I'll be smart enough to at least stay away from it for a few years.

The funny thing - that has nothing to do with the car - is, when I started looking earlier in the week I contacted quite a few people and many of the replies made me go, "Hell no!"

I suspect people have moved here and not yet mastered the language, so they're using automatic translations. Or, have learned the basics, and try to use Swedish the same way as other languages they know.

Thing is, there are phrases like "dear" that don't have an equivalent in Swedish, and when people try anyway, they sound like super-scary psychopaths.

Most of them try to translate dear with "kära" - a word that means a lot of things. None of them is "dear."

Depending on intonation and context, it can mean calling someone an idiot, an expression of utter disbelief, or a description of two people desperately in love.

"Nejmen kära nån" very likely expresses surprise.

"Men kära du" probably means you did or said something really stupid.

"De är så kära" means two people are heads-over-heels in love.

Thus, the texts that end up in the mailbox sound along the lines of, "Yes my love, I still have the car for sale, you beautiful moron. Come here my sexy princess and I will take good care of you, sweet love puppet."

Yeah, I don't think so.

The car I finally picked was at a dealership in Norrköping, it's a road trip of a couple of hours, but totally worth it. This guy sounded considerate, reliable, and professional in his messages. The next time I need a car, I'll go there again.

Besides, he kind of looked like Gerard Butler. There might be a story in here...

Things to do while you're introverting

I stumbled over this on Google and just love it. I like to combine these though. Read while eating snacks. Create while hiding from the doorbell and eating snacks...

Free reads

Did you know Desert Breeze Publishing has free books to download from their website? For instance, my "Courage and Retribution." 

It starts like this:

The wooden staircase creaked under William's feet. He squinted into the basement's complete darkness, remembered the flashlight in his hand, and made his way to a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Its light didn't reach all the way into the corners of the room, and it sent strange shadows crawling over the walls.

He kept his head bent; he was too tall to stand straight in the confined space. "It's not elegant, but should be safe enough for now."

Three dirty faces turned toward him with faith shining from their eyes, and he swallowed hard. What if he couldn't live up to their trust? No, he couldn't afford to think like that. He started down this road. There was no going back.

A female hand clutched his. It was small and cold and made him want to protect her. "Thank you. I don't know what we'd do without you."

He cupped his hands around hers. "I have to go. The congregation will be here soon. You just stay put down here, okay?"

Taking a glance around the bare room, he exhaled through his teeth. There had to be a better place to hide the family than this dank cellar, but he couldn't think of anything. "I'm sorry it's not nicer."

Want to see what happens next? You can download this and many other stories here.

Kitty posters

I've been having some fun lately, creating posters for an adoption event at Cat Depot. Makes me feel I have the best job in the world!

Beautiful summer :-)

I know I haven't had much to say lately - or at least not the energy to write it down haha - so here are some photos from around the yard to make up for it. ;-)