Maria Hammarblad's Blog, page 8

Conversion has gotten a new cover - and some new chapters.

My novella Conversion has gotten a face lift. It has a gorgeous new cover by Juan Villar Padron, and it has gotten a few new chapters, to round off the ending better.

If you already have it as e-book, it should be possible to update to the new version through the Amazon website. You should be able to get the new version under "Your Account" and "Your Content and Devices."

Blurb:

Rhodesia runs through the forest, hunted by creatures wearing the faces of people she loves. They plead to her to wait in the voices of her family, and the sound sends chills down her back. What is worse? Succumbing, and becoming a mindless drone with the others, or perishing in the forest, alone?

Roy Planter is a man with a mission, and he has no intention of staying on a plague-ridden planet where more humans turn into mindless drones every day. Being stuck in a city, grouped with a sword-wielding stick insect of a man and a busty blonde with a too vivid sense of humor are only temporary setbacks. He's leaving, first chance he gets. At least that's what he thinks until Rhodesia arrives.

Caring for someone will not make his life easier, but can he really leave her behind?

Do men know when they're mansplaining?

To comment on or explain something to a woman in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner".
Funny examples from my own life:

The man who will explain to the woman where her house is, even though she lives there and he was unable to find itThe man who knows nothing about music, yet feels the urge to explain "how all songs are really the same" to a woman as soon as he learns she's a musicianThe man who insists on explaining how to move a file - to a female network engineerWe've all encountered it. I'm sure most men have heard another guy do it too.
But, why?
Are men aware of doing it?
What's the most hilarious example you've heard?

Flashback will be re-released soon

Desert Breeze Publishing are working on the reversal of publishing rights. It's a process that takes some time - they want to ensure all the old versions of books are actually down before anyone re-publishes. The current time frame is August 1st.

Flashback will be my first one out. I am working on re-editing it, there wasn't a lot I wanted to change, but some small adjustments and fixes. I am purchasing the rights to use the old covers, and I have debated whether to keep the old cover or not.

Then, I got this from Juan Villar Padron. I love it so much there's no way not to use it.


If all goes well, it will be available again on August 1st.

As the sole survivor of a Taliban POW camp, Steve Petersen is damaged goods. He is convinced that he left his sanity within the horror-filled walls that held him captive for the better part of a year. His mind is trapped in moments of graphic, soul-crushing flashbacks, and his only solace is the momentary reprieve he gains from alcohol and drugs.

When he mysteriously wakes in a bright and cheery bedroom that belongs to a woman he barely remembers meeting, he knows he should leave. He should save the widow Anna from his own special brand of crazy. Leaving is not as easy as one would think, and he finds himself drawn into a world of real life problems such as folding laundry, and what to make for dinner. 

This new way of life eases his need for drowning his pain in substances and offers moments of quiet healing – until Anna disappears. To save her, Steve must face the demons that have tortured him for so long and return to the place where it all began. Afghanistan.

My publisher is closing

Desert Breeze Publishing is closing. They aren't going bankrupt or anything like that, just closing. I admire them for having continued for so many years - I can't even imagine the effort that goes into running a publishing house.

It is sad news for me; I have been with them for many years, and it feels like the end of an era. Now, all the smaller publishing houses I once submitted to are gone.

Their wonderful editors and cover artists have helped me so much, bringing me all the way from a clunky foreigner who didn't understand American styles to an actual writer. They have believed in me, and put time and energy into helping me. I will forever be grateful.

Practically, I'm getting my book rights back. I will re-edit them, and some will get new covers. I think Flashback will be the first one to be re-published, and it will return to the market early August.

Thank you, Desert Breeze Publishing for everything you have done. You will be missed.

Behind Kidnapped

I've been meaning to do a re-write of Kidnapped. It was my first book and my writing style has changed completely since then. I talked to my publisher about it a couple of years ago, and didn't get any further. Soon...

Thinking about the book has made me want to talk about the book. It all started with this song.


And then there was a TV show called "Better off Ted." I loved it. Few TV shows make me laugh, but this one was hilarious. Portia di Rossi played Veronica, manager at Veridian Dynamics. Her character is fantastic - and tickled my imagination enough to become Supreme Commander Veronica.


There are still Veridian Dynamics ads available on Youtube. In retrospect, they explain a lot more about Kidnapped than I thought at the time.

"Our team, over one hundred thousand strong. And we love all of them. Unless they cross us. Then we'll hunt them down and hurt them. Because that's love too."


Patricia also came from a TV show, but not one of mine. At this point in time, Mike - my late husband - watched "That 70s show" religiously. I don't like the show at all, but the actors' voices crept into my mind anyway. To this day, when I think of Patricia, she sounds like Mila Kunis.

Travis got his name from a kid in math class. I love the name. It's so... Not Swedish.

 I do need to revisit them and brush off their story. Might not be this year - as quickly as time flies past it will be April 2019 before I know what happened, but soon. I have a half-written prequel too, telling Aaren's story before he became an outlaw.

Zero Vision

Zero Vision sounds like something interesting and futuristic, right? Or, maybe like someone stumbling about in the dark with zero vision.

I'm leaning towards the latter: in Sweden, the government has a vision of zero people killed in traffic.

The real number is about 250 every year - not a gigantic problem. But, traffic is their thing, and the focus is on speed. Probably because it's easy to measure. (I sometimes feel like it doesn't matter if you can see, hear, remember how to operate your vehicle, or even know what side of the road you're supposed to be on, as long as you drive slowly.)

Late one evening a few months ago, I headed home from visiting my old home town and was caught by a speed camera. These are strange contraptions that line our roads. They're never, ever placed near crosswalks, schools, or similar where a crazy motorist could mow down pedestrians - they're more likely to be seen on wide roads where the speed limit is 55.

Anyway, I thought I was going approximately the right speed - an impression supported by all the cars in front of me passing the camera just fine, at the same speed. Then, the world turned white and I couldn't see shit. Literally; I couldn't see for several seconds and almost went off the road, because I couldn't see that there was a curve.

I grumbled, went home, and made a mental note, "Speed cameras are dangerous. Their flash was invented by an evil mastermind and may kill you."

After a couple of months, I got a pile of papers home with a photo of me in my car, asking if I confess to the crime.

I went about 5 mph too fast.

I wrote back, "Yeah, that's me." And added that there must be something wrong with the camera/flash, because they can't be intended to blind people like that. And, why did it only flash me? Seems unfair, lol.

About three weeks after that, there was a really thick envelope in the mailbox, explaining how my criminal act would now be forwarded to the DA, who may or may not want to see me in court.

I thought, "Whatever. It's 5 mph, it's not like I'm trying to overthrow the government. Send the ticket and get it over with."

Today, I got the ticket from the DA's office together with a pile of papers lecturing me on my crime and malicious intent.

This raises questions. Like, don't these people have anything better to do? Is this why we have such a low rate of solving real crime? And, how much did the administration of all this cost. Is it worth it?

Could we maybe spend some resources on solving the increasing problems with youth gangs in the cities instead?

I suspect it's easier to spend a few months lecturing me for driving 5 mph too fast.

The return of Yolei

Once upon a time, yours truly was a musician. I played in several bands and it was a lot of fun. Hard work, but fun. This image is with the SSAB company band. 

Most gigs were great. And, you spend so much time with the people you play with, they become family.

There were some places I swore I'd never go near again. There were a few gigs where drunks started to fight, one event where a guy stabbed another, and two or three times when people fell into the PA speakers, tipping the whole thing over me.

Common for all of them, the good and the bad, was my red bass. Her name is Yolei - after a character in Digimon. It was a long time ago, lol.


When I moved to the USA, I couldn't bring all my stuff with me. At the same time, my first husband wanted to keep the house, but wasn't able to buy me out. This seemed like a golden opportunity to solve two problems at once: we wrote a contract where the house would be considered his, he would pay for all costs associated with it, and in return for giving away my half, I would be able to store things in in.

In the long run this was a horrible idea, but I didn't know that at the time.

Anyway. I felt like my gig-gear was better off stored, but I would have liked to bring my acoustic Guild bass. It wasn't possible - she was far too large to go with me on the plane, and I didn't have the funds to buy her a seat of her own or send her over.

During the years things happened, and by the time I'd saved up money to have her shipped to me, I was told all my things were gone. Except for Yolei, who was allegedly stored at my mother's.

I was sad, but couldn't do anything about it. I looked forward to at least getting Yolei back. She should reasonably be safe at my mom's.

Of course, when I returned to Sweden, my mom didn't have a bass. I searched for Yolei online for a few months, but eventually I had to give up.

A few weeks ago, my first husband contacted me and confessed he had most of my things. He had them all along. Except for a few items that allegedly grew out feet and walked away with a person who came to the old house to pick up some shelves and sofas.

I would call that theft - especially since there were my things - and if the person who took them ever crosses my path, I will yell at him at great length. It won't bring one single item back, but yelling will give some satisfaction.

This bass, for instance, was taken. I used to play it tuned down to D. I also had a matching guitar which was actually my first instrument of my own - I bought it when I was 16. (Actually, all my electric guitars are gone. I assume the same person took them all.)

On the bright side, last weekend I got Yolei back. Joy!

And, I now have my amplifier, my pedals, and Yolei's siblings: Matt and Davies. Yes, they are also named after Digimon characters.

I also got my grandmother's guitar, and my cousin's guitar. The reasoning part of me realizes these items aren't really connected to the people, but they somehow are anyway...

My first husband still has the Guild, and doesn't want to part with it. Understandable - she's beautiful and has great timbre - but she's still mine and I need her. He also has a violin bass I bought at Jam in Stockholm many years ago. He would probably have let that one go, but I didn't think about it until I was half-way home.

I'm hoping both of them return to me with time. I doubt he has played on them more than three times during the past ten years, and maybe with time, he'll want to give them back. It happened with the other things, so it could happen with these too. Fingers and paws crossed!

I think my red bass missed me. I am so happy and grateful to have her back.

If you have my Guild bass, I advice you to BRING IT BACK!

Once upon a time, yours truly worked extra as a musician. I played in several bands, and some people only recognized me with a red bass guitar around my neck. 



This photo is with the "Company Rock Band" at Swedish Steel. We called ourselves The Coilers, because we worked with gigantic steel coils.

We didn't play all that much, but the stage looks good. Since I was in several bands, I played all the time. I sometimes went from one gig to another to a third on a Saturday afternoon... It was fun. I had the energy to keep it up for a few years.

Anyhow, when I moved to the USA I couldn't bring all my musical instruments and accessories. I brought some, but most ended up waiting for me in my first husband's house. We wrote a contract and it seemed like a good solution. It was a huge house, more space than one person could possibly need.

I'm sure you can see where this is going. After a couple of years, I asked for my Guild acoustic bass, because I missed it and I wanted it sent over.

He said it was gone.

At the time, I assumed "gone" meant "sold" - I was furious, but assumed he had at least gotten a fair amount of money for it. I knew he was out of a job and needed cash, and selling a $3,000 bass would have tied him over for a while.

I filed it in a mental drawer labeled, "Sad loss" and moved on.

Last week, first husband contacted me. I haven't talked to him for years. So many things happened while I was in the USA, there isn't room here to go into details, let it suffice to say, I had no will to ever speak to him again.

To my surprise, he had good news: he still has the red bass I'm playing in the photo. My favorite. I thought that too was "gone" but now I have hope of seeing her again! I'm going up north on Saturday, and hope to bring her back home with me.

I am so grateful he has saved her for me.

As we've been talking during the past week, he told me some of my other things disappeared with a man who had access to the house to pick up some shelves and decided to take more valuable items instead.

Such as my acoustic Guild bass, my Vantage electric guitar I bought when I was 16, and the matching Vantage bass that I used to tune down and bring on the road for songs to be played in D. Also, an Epiphone Les Paul Custom Flametop that was so pretty I was afraid to play it.

There might be more. I am sure I'll find out a lot more about this in the next few days.

I said, "Did you call the police?"

He said, "You know how bad I am with conflict."

He is. But... I'm not.

After facing down an armed criminal gang last year and making them afraid of me - they shot my house and that made me angry - I doubt a small-town Swedish trickster can be particularly scary.

This man probably feels that he had access to the house, he found valuable stuff, and thus, he had the right to take it.

I wasn't here, my ex-husband can't intimidate a fly, and the perpetrator is a man. What harm could possibly come from stealing something that belongs to a woman on the other side of the world?

(The man part shouldn't make a difference, but from the stories I've heard the past week, he's one of those condescending men that can drive anyone crazy.)

Well, at some point in time, this man will cross my path. That's how life works.

I strive to be a nice person, but he stole my instruments. 

Hopefully, Karma is already working on that. If not, he may get the opportunity to know why the members of an armed criminal gang in the USA find me scary.

In the meantime, if you've been in the Falun/Borlänge area and these happen to be in your possession, I advice you to bring them back.

They are mine, and returning them is a much better idea than me accidentally finding them.

I used to have a list with serial numbers. If I can find it, identifying them will be easy. 

Why are some men so creepy? #MeToo

The #MeToo campaign has become a big deal, and I think that's a good thing. Some men seem to find it appalling that it has become about women vs men. Truth is, most men I know are very nice and would never dream of harassing a woman. They're not the problem. 

I personally end up talking about women and men because I am a woman and I have only been harassed by men. I have no experience with any other situation; that doesn't mean other situations don't exist.

I must have been twelve the first time I encountered The Problem. I was going to the bus stop to get to school and a man appeared in front of me. He wanted to tell me I was pretty, asked about my job, and tried to make me follow him home.

When I was 15 and started an after-school job, a middle-aged man came in every day, flirting with me as I manned the register. He waited for me outside most evenings, trying to follow me home. It became really creepy one night when I'd been to a school dance and he waited outside at one in the morning. He trailed after me all the way home and tried to get in. I threatened him with my dad, managed to unlock the front door, and slammed it shut in his face.

When I was 19 or maybe 20. I had my first real job and lived alone in my first apartment. My employer's main office was in the city where I lived, and there were satellite offices all over the region. We had some form of event where all the consultants came to the main office, and all of us went away for dinner. The man working in Sälen decided he was God's gift to women and I wanted him.

Right...

I kept my distance during the evening, went home, and went to bed. In the middle of the night someone banged on the door. I had a peep-hole and saw him outside, ringing the bell, shouting at me to open and let him in. He kept banging a fist on the door and probably woke everyone in the building.

Maria today would have told him to get his drunk ass the @&%# away and called the police.

Maria back then was scared to death.

I pretended I wasn't at home and hoped he'd go away.

He didn't. He kept it up for a long time, and when I eventually stepped out to go to work the next morning, he slept in the staircase outside my door.

The next day, he pretended as if nothing happened. No one believed me - he was an "upstanding citizen," good at his job, married, and at least 35 years older than I.

Maria today would have stood her ground and filed an official complaint. Maria back then hid every time he came to the main office and made sure never to be alone with him.

A couple of years later, I had a stalker who figured out my address through my job and watched my apartment every night.

It has gone on like that through life. When I was younger, I assumed The Problem would go away when I grew older.

Wrong.

Today, I'm 45, chubby, and have silver streaks in my hair. Makes no difference whatsoever. In a way it's worse nowadays. When I was young, creepy men had to wait for a woman to walk past them, but nowadays, they can do their thing 24/7 through the Internet. There are still cat callers and real life creeps, but in today's world it's even more difficult to get away from it.

I recently had a man I didn't know tell me - repeatedly - how long it had been since he had sex. What's that's supposed to accomplish? Am I supposed to drop my pants and let him stick it in out of pity?

Makes me wonder, would he say the same things to man? Probably not.

If you're a man who feels the need to blurt out things like that when encountering women, you should read this post. I didn't write it, just stumbled over it. It's funny, I promise!

The Earth is pretty big, right?

Not really. Sure, the Earth is gigantic compared to me, and even with modern technology it seems to take forever to get anywhere. Compared to other things in the galaxy, it isn't even a pinhead.

So, what about the sun? Isn't that big?

It is, compared to the Earth.

Seen with cosmic proportions, our planet is a tiny, blue and green jewel slowly rotating around a small star.

I found the following size comparison online. It boggles my mind, fascinates me, and leaves me feeling humbled.