Tracey Alley's Blog - Posts Tagged "resolution"
Conflict - How do we deal with it?
I have a neighbor that I befriended some time ago and I thought we had become quite close. I felt rather sorry for her as since she moved into the complex where I lived she has received a lot of negativity from the other neighbors and was, as a result, very lonely.
I don't listen to gossip and so dismissed all the negative things people were saying about her and invited her into my fold as a friend. At first we had a lot of fun together, chatting over coffee and enjoying the odd girls day out. Over time, however, I realized that in many ways it was a very one-sided friendship. One where I would be giving and she was always taking.
Just as a part of my character I tend to be very giving and generous with my friends and family and I don't expect anything back. However there does come a time when you realize that your generosity is being taken advantage of and you're actually being used.
Recently, because I've also remained friendly with the other neighbors who've been so negative towards this woman, she came to my house and questioned my loyalty to her. She was extremely rude and patronizing about it, as well as obviously trying to force her will upon me as to my relations with the other neighbors.
Now I realize she may have been coming from a place of hurt but the way she went about dealing with what was really a trifling conflict was, quite simply, way out of line. I don't believe that you shouldn't speak up if you have a problem with someone but there are ways and means of going about it and she crossed every single line.
Today I went to try and resolve the conflict in a more calm and reasonable manner but found her as rude and insulting as before. Our friendship now has suffered severe damage that I'm honestly not sure we can recover from.
We'll all have some conflict in our lives at some point but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. I personally don't believe in a full frontal attack, such as I received. I've always been very much inclined to speak my mind but I try to do it in a way that's not rude, disrespectful or hurtful.
I don't know how you all feel about conflict and resolution but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. Either way it appears I've lost someone I thought was a friend but it appears she was only a friend while she was getting her own way, so in fact, I've lost nothing in my opinion. Still, it's a little sad that as adults these situations still occur.
Cheers all,
Trace
I don't listen to gossip and so dismissed all the negative things people were saying about her and invited her into my fold as a friend. At first we had a lot of fun together, chatting over coffee and enjoying the odd girls day out. Over time, however, I realized that in many ways it was a very one-sided friendship. One where I would be giving and she was always taking.
Just as a part of my character I tend to be very giving and generous with my friends and family and I don't expect anything back. However there does come a time when you realize that your generosity is being taken advantage of and you're actually being used.
Recently, because I've also remained friendly with the other neighbors who've been so negative towards this woman, she came to my house and questioned my loyalty to her. She was extremely rude and patronizing about it, as well as obviously trying to force her will upon me as to my relations with the other neighbors.
Now I realize she may have been coming from a place of hurt but the way she went about dealing with what was really a trifling conflict was, quite simply, way out of line. I don't believe that you shouldn't speak up if you have a problem with someone but there are ways and means of going about it and she crossed every single line.
Today I went to try and resolve the conflict in a more calm and reasonable manner but found her as rude and insulting as before. Our friendship now has suffered severe damage that I'm honestly not sure we can recover from.
We'll all have some conflict in our lives at some point but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. I personally don't believe in a full frontal attack, such as I received. I've always been very much inclined to speak my mind but I try to do it in a way that's not rude, disrespectful or hurtful.
I don't know how you all feel about conflict and resolution but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. Either way it appears I've lost someone I thought was a friend but it appears she was only a friend while she was getting her own way, so in fact, I've lost nothing in my opinion. Still, it's a little sad that as adults these situations still occur.
Cheers all,
Trace
