Tracey Alley's Blog - Posts Tagged "powerlessness"
I Will Survive - I know because I did
I will survive - it's a powerful statement. I'm a survivor of bullying so I know a little bit about survival. Bullying has reached epidemic proportions in our schools and workplaces. It's an ugly phenomenon that seems to be continually evolving and steadily becoming worse.
When I first started school I was like any other 5 year old. Wide eyed and uncertain. Within days I became the target of a bully. She was two years older than I and seemed much bigger and stronger. To this day I can still remember how terrifying she seemed to be.
The bullying was all encompassing to me at that age. It started with name calling but very quickly degenerated into physical violence. Teachers, the school Principal - everyone was aware of what was going on but no one seemed to have any answers.
My bullying continued for five very long years until finally my mother took me out of that school and away from my tormentor. To my very great shame when I started my new school something within me had snapped and I became a bully. I was every bit as horrible to my victims as my bully had been to me. It was a sad and lonely experience for me. Not only because I didn't like who I had become but also because just as very few kids want to be seen to be friends with a victim so too does a bully have no real friends because people are afraid of them. Thus almost all of my school years were very lonely ones for one reason or the other.
In time, I'm thankful to be able to say, I stopped bullying other children. It was never really a part of my character and it was a role that never felt comfortable. Looking back I believe it stemmed from a deep-seated need not to be bullied myself any more.
And so I survived - barely. The scars are still there though from my experiences both as a victim and as a perpetrator. In the past I have kept fairly quiet about my childhood experiences with bullying - out of a sense of shame both for what had happened to me and for what I had done in turn. However, given that October is anti-bullying month, I feel it is time to speak out.
Bullying almost always stems from insecurity. Many years after the fact I was able to discover that my own bully had come from an extremely unstable home where she was often victimized herself. Like I did later, she took her feelings of helplessness and powerlessness and turned them into rage against others. It was never about me - it had always been about her. Just as my own victims were not responsible nor deserving in any way of the treatment they suffered at my hands - it came from my own insecurity and helplessness.
If you are a victim of bullying it does help to understand that you have not been targeted because of anything specific to you - simply because someone perceives you as weaker than they. Stand tall and proud of yourself and you too can be a bullying survivor but in the right way.
If you are a bully then please talk to someone you trust about your feelings of powerlessness and insecurity. Address the real reasons behind you're bullying behaviour and you too can begin to not only feel good about yourself but you can also become a survivor.
Because the truth is that both the target and the bully are victims. The world we live in is by no means an easy one for every person to navigate. Many of us are left in situations we simply do not know how to deal with - and this applies to adults just as readily as children. But knowledge is power. Knowing, and understanding, the underlying issues of bullying can help both targets and bullies to get out of this very damaging and scarring situation.
Remember - you will survive!
When I first started school I was like any other 5 year old. Wide eyed and uncertain. Within days I became the target of a bully. She was two years older than I and seemed much bigger and stronger. To this day I can still remember how terrifying she seemed to be.
The bullying was all encompassing to me at that age. It started with name calling but very quickly degenerated into physical violence. Teachers, the school Principal - everyone was aware of what was going on but no one seemed to have any answers.
My bullying continued for five very long years until finally my mother took me out of that school and away from my tormentor. To my very great shame when I started my new school something within me had snapped and I became a bully. I was every bit as horrible to my victims as my bully had been to me. It was a sad and lonely experience for me. Not only because I didn't like who I had become but also because just as very few kids want to be seen to be friends with a victim so too does a bully have no real friends because people are afraid of them. Thus almost all of my school years were very lonely ones for one reason or the other.
In time, I'm thankful to be able to say, I stopped bullying other children. It was never really a part of my character and it was a role that never felt comfortable. Looking back I believe it stemmed from a deep-seated need not to be bullied myself any more.
And so I survived - barely. The scars are still there though from my experiences both as a victim and as a perpetrator. In the past I have kept fairly quiet about my childhood experiences with bullying - out of a sense of shame both for what had happened to me and for what I had done in turn. However, given that October is anti-bullying month, I feel it is time to speak out.
Bullying almost always stems from insecurity. Many years after the fact I was able to discover that my own bully had come from an extremely unstable home where she was often victimized herself. Like I did later, she took her feelings of helplessness and powerlessness and turned them into rage against others. It was never about me - it had always been about her. Just as my own victims were not responsible nor deserving in any way of the treatment they suffered at my hands - it came from my own insecurity and helplessness.
If you are a victim of bullying it does help to understand that you have not been targeted because of anything specific to you - simply because someone perceives you as weaker than they. Stand tall and proud of yourself and you too can be a bullying survivor but in the right way.
If you are a bully then please talk to someone you trust about your feelings of powerlessness and insecurity. Address the real reasons behind you're bullying behaviour and you too can begin to not only feel good about yourself but you can also become a survivor.
Because the truth is that both the target and the bully are victims. The world we live in is by no means an easy one for every person to navigate. Many of us are left in situations we simply do not know how to deal with - and this applies to adults just as readily as children. But knowledge is power. Knowing, and understanding, the underlying issues of bullying can help both targets and bullies to get out of this very damaging and scarring situation.
Remember - you will survive!
