Megan Bostic's Blog, page 8

Fired

So, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you'll know that I lost my job last week. It was Monday, I was on vacation, and it royally sucked.

I've been pretty much wallowing in self pity for days, resigned to writing off last week as a "nothing" week. Now I need to shake the pity party off, get my shit together and get moving.

I absolutely loved the work I did at the law firm. It was always challenging, always fast paced, never boring. (okay, sometimes not boring) Now what am I going to do. I would really like to stick with marketing if I can, but those jobs are pretty scarce, still, that's what I'm going to look for first.

This has been an interesting experience so far. I've applied for unemployment, which wasn't difficult at all until I had to call in my claim for the week. I recommend finding out what questions they are going to ask you before calling in. I was totally confused with the whole, you got paid some money, how much? I didn't have my paperwork in front of me, I didn't understand the questions. ARG!! It took me like 6 calls to get it right.

I also have to get some paperwork signed by my doctor, because with my fatigue condition the way it is now, I do not see myself being able to work full time. I will try for sure if needed, but I'd rather be trying to find another part time or telecommuting job that fits my health needs at the moment.

I also signed up for Obamacare because my medical will run out at the end of March. I guess I'm in the  "pathetic" category now that I'm unemployed and get to get it cheap.

And today, well, today I scoured through probably 200 job postings on various websites, Flex, Indeed, Monster, Career Builder, Craigslist...I've not applied yet. I've just been gathering them up to see which ones I would prefer to apply for first.

I have to do 3 job related activities to keep my unemployment going. Either contact employers for jobs or doing these work related activities in the Work Source program, or a combo of both. The Work Source stuff are workshops, job fairs and the like, to get me closer to my employment goals, I guess. A lot of it I really don't need, but I did find a couple of their classes to suit my needs. They have an orientation, stress management seminar, and jump starting your own business that look good.

I've dusted off my resume and added new skills and experience and created a cover letter. So, I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be.

It's terrifying. I'm downtrodden. I was good at what I did and now I feel like I have to start all over.

I'm still planning to start the marketing business with my friend from my old job. And I'm still writing, so it would be great if one of those would actually pan out for me. I seriously do not like working for other people since having my own business in the 90s. There is a certain freedom you get with becoming your own boss, even if you are working your tail off.

So anyhoo, that's what I've been up to. It's going to be all work and job searching for me for awhile. So if you don't see (or hear) from me, you know what I'm doing.

Have you ever lost a job in your adult life? How did you handle it? Are you better off now? Do you like where you ended up?

Love is in the air

For some of you, I guess. Not me. I've not had a boyfriend in over six months now. Yes. I think that could be a record folks. None of them were ever the right fit, I suppose. Well, I thought one was, but he had other ideas.

Why don't any of them work? Here's the thing with me...I'm a very passionate person. I believe in love. I want to be in love again some day. When I meet someone and fall for them, I fall hard and fast. Probably too fast, and most of them seem to be the same way. So you get two people jumping into a committed relationship at break neck speed and what do you get? A break up.

I've learned that if I want to find the "one," I need to take my time. I need to be patient. Things that look good on the outside, or initially, usually end up being not quite what you expected, or not quite what you truly want. (okay, me. I'm talking about me)

So what am I looking for? I suppose since I was married for close to two decades and have dated a lot, I have figured out what works and what doesn't work for me. These are some of the things I'm looking for...

A nice face. It doesn't have to be a supermodel face, just a pleasant one with a nice smile.A sense of humor. If I can't laugh at you, or near you, you're no good to me.Brains. Not in the zombie sense, but Jesus, please be able to carry on a conversation.Job, car, home of your own. Be able to support yourself, drive yourself and either don't live with mom, or make it so I'm able to kick you out of my house if I need some alone time.Promptness. A little late is fine, but seriously, anything past 15 minutes is agro.Your pets...I used to not want to date someone with pets, but soon realized that cut the dating pool down by like 75% So if you have pets, keep them clean, keep your house vacuumed and try not to let it lick me, jump on me, or sniff my crotch or butt. Big turn off, plus, allergies. And if it gets far enough that I'm sleeping over, I do not want to share you or your bed with your animal.I used to want to not date anyone with kids under the age of 12. I mean, my kids are nearly adults and I don't need babysitters or to find care for them if I want to skip town (the latter is the same way I feel about pets). I'm flexible on the age thing now. Depends on the kid and the parent. If your kid is a brat, more than likely, our parenting skills may not mesh and I won't like your kids and I'll be out of there before I can say, let me get my coat.Don't be cheap. I like to go out. I'm not saying you have to pay every time, I'm perfectly fine with paying 50% of the time (when I have a job, I just lost mine, but I intend to be back to work asap). So, you take me out, I'll take you out.Be an equal partner. I'm not to be controlled. I'm not to do your bidding (babysitting, housework, laundry, etc.) These things are a joint venture.Give me my space. I'm in my 40s and have been divorced now for nearly 5 years. I like time to write, exercise, binge watch shit on Netflix, go out with the girls, go for girl weekends...you will not always be invited. Have a hobby and friends so you can do your thing while I'm doing mine.Embrace the "F" word because you will hear it come from my mouth.Don't force your religion on me. I don't do religion. That's about it. That's not too high maintenance, is it? Maybe it will happen some day, or maybe I'll become a crazy cat lady. Who knows?

Tell me what you want in a person.

Okay, gotta go. Spending Valentines with two chicks and some lobster tail.

Happy Valentines Day. Stay safe.

End of an Era

Maybe the word "era" is a bit much, but a couple days ago I found out that Amazon was no longer hosting the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest (ABNA) to make way for their Kindle Scout program, which I'll talk  about in a minute. The contest has been going on since 2007, and it's led me to many amazing experiences.

I've never won the ABNA contest. In fact the furthest I made it was the top 100 in the very first year. Most of the other years I got scrapped after the pitch round. Last year I made it to the quarter finals. So what is it about this contest that was so great?

It validated the fact that I am a writer. A real writer. People read my work and saw my talent. I heard about this contest before I even starting querying agents so it was really my first leap into the literary world and it was amazing.It made me want to be better and work harder. When I received my reviews in the years I didn't make it very far, I realized that those books weren't finished. They weren't good enough to get published. It made me revise more and do whatever it took to improve my craft.It made me want it more. After that first contest, I was bound and determined to get published, and I achieved that goal with Never Eighteen, which is the book that I entered the 2nd year of the contest and only made it past the pitch.It introduced me to other writers. They had a forum on the website so I was able to chat with people that were in the same boat as me. We had so much fun on there, especially the first two years. Which leads me to...The best thing I got out of the contest though, were connections. I met wonderful, talented people from all over the world those years I entered the contest. Some of them have become lifelong friends. I've had to pleasure of meeting many of them in person too. Let me count...around 20. And I've met friends through those friends, and also got to meet some in person. I hope I get to meet more of them in the future. 
Pictured are: Lisa Grintals-mclellan, Don Harkham, Me, Brent Billy Curtis, Jarucia Jaycox, Amy Kinzer, Janet Oakley
 



Pictured: Amy, BD MacCullough, Don, Jarucia, Brent and me.





Pictured: Gae Polisner and me.



David Stanley and me.


Jarucia, Katie Kadwell, Scotti Cohn, Kristin Kendle, Willow, Landon, and Destiny.






Me, Christine Beth Reish and Tracy Walshaw.



I'm sure there are other reasons the contest benefited
me, but these are the most important.


So though we say goodbye to the contest, it holds many good memories and I will keep and cherish the friends I made through the experience.

So I guess I may try out Amazon Kindle Scout. Which according to the website, is this:  

Kindle Scout is reader-powered publishing for new, never-before-published books. It's a place where readers help decide if a book gets published. Selected books will be published by Kindle Press and receive 5-year renewable terms, a $1,500 advance, 50% eBook royalty rate, easy rights reversions and featured Amazon marketing.

Doesn't sound bad, right?

Some of the above pictures from NY were probably taken by Rick Kopstein. I'm pretty sure they were. So I wanted to give him props. Check out his website. He's a great photographer.

Torrentz

Have you heard of Torrentz? It seems to me a website where people upload shit they've pirated - including my book, Never Eighteen.

For those of you who use Torrentz, I'd like to school you on pirating books and such. I am a writer, this much we know. I'm what you'd actually call a mid-list writer, meaning, I'm not well known but someone felt my book was publication worthy.

In fact, I'm not even really on the mid-list anymore. I.E. I make no money off my book. Did I once? Sure. I made an advance. But I've seen no royalty checks. I'm not like a famous actor, actress or rock star that makes millions. Not that that makes it okay to pirate their stuff, it's still illegal. But if you do, it's no skin of their nose.
However, I am a single mom trying to make a wage to survive. I have two teenagers, one in college, the other headed there in a year and a half. When you pirate my book and share it with others - you are robbing me blind.

And Torrentz doesn't care. I don't know how many times I've sic'd my publicist for that book onto them. They still do not remove my copyrighted material. While people can read my book for free? I will probably not make a dime in royalties.

So, those who use Torrentz, I have a simple request. If you are going to read my book illegally for free, at least have the decency to give it a review on Amazon.  Getting reviews helps lower-than-mid-list authors like me get more attention.

I'm not particularly angry about this. I'm just tired of it and disappointed that I'm getting jilted out of pay because you can't pay $1.99 for the Kindle version of my novel. Seriously, 2 bucks.

Anyway. I will now step off my soapbox and head back to writing my next book so you have something to steal in the future.

Stuck

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I'm sure everyone does, right? Sometimes it's hard to remember that no matter my problems, some people have it way worse than me.

For instance, I went to the beach over New Years, and it rained like crazy Sunday. Extenuating circumstances kept me from leaving that day, which was the original plan. The next morning when I went to leave for home, I stopped for a mocha at a coffee kiosk and found out that I wasn't going anywhere. The heavy rains had washed out parts of the highways I needed to access to leave town.

I was stuck.

I turned back around and headed back to the beach house. I was not happy. Not one bit. In fact, I was being a little whiny bitch.

photo by WSDOTWhen I turned the TV on to try to get some news on road closures, I stopped
whining. Roads were just closed, they were flooded, some demolished. At least 10 landslides had caused damage in different areas, including lifting 3 homes off their foundations and pushing them into the street.

In another area about 200 people were stranded because the only road leading up the hill to their homes had been completely washed out.

It was a miracle no one was hurt.

I remained a little frightened, I wasn't sure if water would find its way up to where I was staying. I was near the bay, the ocean and a lake and most of the rivers in the area were flooding.  However, I felt sure I would be okay. I took the extra day to telecommute for work, relax and watch the news for any updates.

This morning I checked the updates and all roads leading home were opened,not fully, but enough so that I could get through.

photo by WSDOTDriving home, the devastation became more real for me. The side streets of one town were still completely flooded, I saw first hand two large landslides, the ones that took houses out, rivers still overflowed, trees were down and meadows and farms were flooded for at least half the way home.

People had been evacuated and displaced. Locals said it was the worst they'd ever seen.

That is as close to a natural disaster that I've ever been aside from the handful of small earthquakes my city has seen. It puts things into perspective. Whenever I feel stuck again or sorry for myself, I will try to remember that small town with its flooded streets and deteriorated bluffs and all the people who really lost something these last couple days. Then I will pick up my pieces and forge on, keeping in mind that no matter how bad things seem, it's not the worst thing that could happen.

The Good News

When looking back on the year, it's easy to focus on the bad that happened. Though there was bad that took place in my life and the world. I have to try to remember that there is good in life too.

Let's remember some good stuff from 2014 and keep the tradition of finding the good in 2015.
Lets start with my Seattle Seahawks. They fought their way to the Superbowl and won.  First time in franchise history. I'm hoping for a repeat this year. Do you remember the stray dogs of Sochi? They were rounded up and killed before the Olympics started. Okay, that's not the good news. The good news is this crime against canines prompted Olympians and others to set up adoption rescue efforts to save the dogs.Openly gay football player, Michael Sam, is drafted in the NFL draft. Sure, he's been cut by a lot of teams, hopefully not because he is gay.  I wish him success in the NFL.Isaiah Austin drafted. Days before the draft, Austin was diagnosed with genetic disorder Marfan syndrome. This forced his retirement. However, during the draft,  NBA Commissioner Adam Silver announced that NBA was drafting him, making a dream come true for him. The Ice Bucket Challenge may have wasted water, but it also raised $115 million for ALS research.Because of the waste in water in the Ice Bucket Challenge, and to try to  break a dangerous Twitter drinking game challenge, Brent Lindeque started #RAKnominations, or Random Acts of Kindness Nominations.  He began by giving a homeless person a sandwich, chocolate and a coke, filmed it, then nominated two people to do the same within 24 hours. Cincinnati Bengal, Devon Still's four-year-old daughter Leah was in treatment for stage-four cancer. Though he was cut from the team, they put him on the practice squad so he could support his daughter. The team also sold his jersey, raising $1.25 million that went to his daughter's cancer fight. Bill and Melinda Gates donate $50 million to help stop the spread of Ebola.Thankfully all the news about police officers isn't bad. After a routine traffic stop, one bought a car seat for a mother having financial troubles. Cops in Florida received a hang up 9-1-1 call, and when they went to investigate found a struggling family without a Christmas tree. They used their own money to buy a tree for the family and was set to make sure there were gifts under it come Christmas.The police department in Lowell, Michigan pulled people over for minor infractions, but instead of giving out tickets, gave out Christmas gifts instead.In Mount Dora, Florida, the police department began Shop with a Cop, which paired officers with children of low income families, who then took them out to buy Christmas presents. Malala Yousafzai became the youngest co recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize for her efforts in the right to education for children. Two years before, Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban on her way to school, which sparked her mission. As of December 10th, Amber Alerts had helped rescue and return 723 children in 2014. Did you see the video of the deaf baby that heard for the first time? Melty heart.This. Seriously, happy Muslims. The Honesty Policy, a group of British Muslims wanted to show the world that Muslims are happy. Muslims are viewed so negatively and disrespectfully by so many, I think this is a good way to remind everyone that they are just people like you and me. This goes with any culture, religion, or race. The happy Muslim videos have spread to Germany, Gaza Singapore, and many more...There's this one too, featuring Muslim women doing a variety of everyday things. It started as a video among friends that went viral.Speaking of Happy, then there's this.Using drones to do good. From flying ambulance tool kits, to lifeguard drones, to drones made to search out wildfires, these drones are being put to good use to help save the environment and lives.Scientists confirm that the Ozone Layer is healing itself thanks to a 1987 treaty signed by 197 nations that phased out man-made chlorofluorocarbons. After 10 years, a girl swept away by an Indonesian tsunami is reunited with her family. News reports of this reunion resulted in a cafe owner recognizing their son, also lost in the tsunami, as a homeless boy who slept near her business. This family got both their children back from a tsunami that killed thousands  See, the world isn't all bad. Let's keep that in mind as we venture into the next year. Let's try to focus on the positive things so that the atrocities don't bring us too far down.

What I DON'T want to see in the next year...

It's the last day of 2014. I am very ready for this next year to begin. Some crap
happened this year that sucked not only for me, but for our country and for our world. Here's what I don't want to see any more of in 2015...

Mitch McConnell's face - Aside from him being ugly as hell, he's an obstructionist, a villain and a self proclaimed "master of gridlock." His voting history makes a statement. It says, I'm against the following...
Women rightsRights of minorities Equal rights for homosexualsBetter education for our childrenMaking college affordable Cleaning up our environmentThe rights of injured peopleA healthier AmericaImmigration People being able to earn a living wageWhat is he for then? Guns, big money, combining church and state, and a Big Brother type government. Frightening.
Pandemics - People die. This is the #1 reason. But also propaganda spread by the media makes people go crazy. Media spins stories in a way that gets ratings. It's not different with the spread of diseases. They want us to panic so we stay glued to their every word.
Decapitations - We almost saw as many in our reality as we see on Game of Thrones. I don't mean to make light of these murders, but they're so horrific, it seems like a good way to separate myself from the atrocities of the world. But of course I can't. And the bigger problem is ISIS, a name I would rather not hear any more of in the news.

Racial profiling - Don't tell me racial profiling doesn't exist, because I know better. From Trayvon Martin to Michael Brown to Ezell Ford (and of course long before that, but I'm talking the last couple years), if racial profiling didn't exist, these men would still be alive.

Cowboy cops - Yes, I understand that not all cops are cowboys. Some do a wonderful job in protecting us from all the ill will and harm out there. But there have been too many senseless deaths as of late because a cop was trigger happy or acted with an unreasonable level of violence. Michael Brown, Eric Garner, John Crawford, Dante Parker, Tamir Rice, Akai Gurley, Kajieme Powell, Yvette Smith...I will note, all of these victims are African American. Does this happen to white people, I'm sure it does, but all too often it's the result of racial profiling in the first place that allows this to happen.

Airplanes disappearing - 2 right? That's 2 too many.

NFL players getting off easy - Yes, the NFL has been better about disciplining their players, Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson...of course, it took the video of Rice's punch to get that ball rolling. 48 players have been considered guilty of domestic violence under NFL policy between 2000 through 2014. In 88% of those, the league suspended players for one game or not at all, 56% received no suspension, and 15 others were forced to sit out one game. These guys are role models for men and boys alike. Punishment should be quicker and harsher.

Obama bashing - Yes. This. The man has done a lot of good for this country. Here's
just a few things he's accomplished:

Allowed millions health insuranceGot rid of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"Brought our troops home from IraqInstituted equal pay for womenSaved the auto industryCreated millions of jobs and lowered the unemployment rateDow Average is upGas prices are downConsumerism is higherInterest rates are lowerExpanded hate crime definitions to include gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability.Expanded access to affordable government loans and Pell Grants for college.Eliminated Qaddafi and Bin Laden Started a nuclear arms reduction pact with RussiaRemoved restrictions on stem cell researchI could go on, but you get the idea. Stop bashing. Let's support our president by coming together. It's time to stop ripping our country apart.

School shootings (or any shootings for that matter) - Self explanatory. Of course, this won't happen without some kind of gun control initiative. And don't even argue with me on that because I will disagree with you.

College rape - Nice that the federal government is finally cracking down on universities who are not following laws put in place by Title IX. I'm glad they're investigating, but it took long enough. Sexual assault is rampant on college campuses and colleges need to do a better job of protecting victims and reporting offenses.

And for good measure let's throw in an end to racism, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, misandry, and any other kind of hate and intolerance that might be out there.

I'm sure I could think of more, but these are high on my list. What are some things you want to see end? What are you tired of hearing about? Let me know.

More accounting, more goals

 I actually found my goals from last year. I'm not sure I did a great job attaining
them, but let's see what I did get accomplished.

Life:
Last year's goals - screw balance and take things one by one.
Um, seriously, that was my goal. I am pretty sure I did that although some of the other stuff in this section...I'm not sure. Here they were...
Work - Who cares?: Pretty much nailed that.
Writing - An hour a day. Um, no. I mean technically, probably yes, but not fiction writing. Writing for work, proposals and no, I'm not even counting my social media, but not the writing I intended to do although I would almost guarantee I wrote more this year than last. My plan is to finish the book I'm writing and rewrite another.Marketing - An hour a day. Probably, though again, not the marketing I intended to do which was for my book, Dissected. The marketing I did was for my new business. I'll continue this.Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us. Hahahaha. But seriously, Um...I blame them.
Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say. Pretty much all I can say for this year too. I'm just not an organized person. I mean, I know where all my piles are, and where the important things are in those piles, but...yeah.Travel - Yes. I did this: Ocean, AZ, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco...I'll try to keep it up this year. I love to travel. And I still have my dream to drive cross country. Anyone want to go with me?
Love:
2014 goals - If I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell. Er, I'm not sure that was exactly a goal. I went on and on in this one last year and made absolutely no sense.  Soooo, goal #1, love me first, everyone else second. Goal #2, as far as relationships are concerned, don't look for love, let it find me if it will. If it doesn't, just be happy and take advantage of the time alone to get things accomplished. What more can you do?

 
 
A few more goals I had last year:


Smile more. :) - Maybe I did this? Who knows? I'll keep trying.Visit my parents at least once a week. Probably pretty close. Still intend to do so and throw in, make sure my kids visit them once a week. Life is shorter than we think. Show the people you love you care. Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little. Hahaha, er...okay, I'll try again this year.
Shut up and listen. Yes. I think I do this. I think.Dance in my living room when no one's home. Um...I don't think I did this, but it's a good idea, so I'll try again.
Those were all last years. I think I will add one about Friendships - Handle them with care. Broaden my horizons more. Meet up with people I haven't for a while and try to meet new people. Don't let anyone define who I am. Don't let anyone bring you down. If a friendship isn't working or feels like it's one sided, end it.

Another goal is to Read More - I tried this last year. I'm really not sure how I did. I mean, I didn't read all the fiction I wanted to. I set out to read 12 works of fiction and that didn't happen. From my list, I did read...

InsurgentAllegiantThe Summer of Letting GoThe Fault in our Stars1/2 of the Bell Jar 
I stopped reading Bell Jar because I was in a bad place while reading it and it's not exactly a picker upper. I did throw an extra book in there that was not on my list, Grasshopper Jungle. Also, I read a ton of business books, so I would guarantee I read at least 12 books last year if not more.

So, I'm going to get back to the 12 fiction books again and here's my plan:

Finish the Bell JarAnother John Green Book, don't know which one yet.Sharp Objects - Gillian FlynnEleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell100 Sideways Miles - Andrew Smith Anything one of my friends publish. If that happens.Nothing Special - Geoff HerbachBefore I Fall -  Lauren OliverVery Bad Men  -  Harry DolanNoggin - John Corey WhaleyGo Ask Alice - AnonymousAuracle - Gina RosatiWhat are your goals for the next year? Have any reading goals? Where will life take you in 2015?

It's over: Accounting for 2014

The biggest holiday of the year is over. May the Christmas let down commence.

I'm looking forward to 2015. I will just say, my last two years pretty much sucked balls. I was going back through old posts about resolutions and goals and whatnot. Last year I posted 10 resolutions I would NOT be making. I think I have the same mindset as last year. It's best NOT to make any promises to yourself.  It's okay to set some goals  however.

So what happened this year. Why did it suck? What didn't suck? What do I want to accomplish next  year?

The Bad:
This year I fought with the Tacoma School District. Without going into detail, they have a horrible policy that needs to change. It helps no one and I think actually harms the students it affects. Dad got into a car accident. He turned out fine, but scary stuff. Did not win the Charlotte Award from the New York State Reading Association. Didn't think I would, but there's always that sliver of hope. Of course I was nominated, so that's something.Work problems. That's all I'll say about that.A sad break up. Family health problems.  Helped my best friend get through the death of her dog of 17 years on July 4th. Robin Williams death. I know this isn't exactly personal, but in many ways it is. Especially for those of us who suffer from depression and other mental health issues. It helped bring those problems to light and maybe make people understand them a little better.Growing weary of a world full of racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and sexism. Also tired of shootings, senseless deaths and other random acts of violence. Thing 1 getting in a car accident that totaled her car. Luckily she and her passenger weren't injured. Losing a best friend.Still dealing with health issues that have been happening for over 2 years, with the addition of gross allergy problems that make my eyes and face swell.
The Good:

Books are still selling.Seahawks win the Superbowl. Being on a panel at the AWP Conference with great writers, Jolene Perry, Selene Castrovilla, and Katherine Ayres. Thing 2 got her license and I was done driving the minions around for good. With the help of a friend threw the most awesome, bitchin' bachelorette party for two of my favorite people in the world who just recently won their right to marry in our beautiful state of Washington. Also attended the wedding, which was amazing.Made the quarter finals in the ABNA contest for the first time since the first year. Got lousy review in ABNA contest, but it was totally on spot. So there's that.  Instigated a win of Best Small Business and Best Attorney in the South Sound for my work and my dad.  Thing 1 graduated high school and received a soccer scholarship at the local community college. My parents celebrated 50 years of marriage. Seeing my younger daughter make Jazz and Concert choir at school and watching performances. Starting my own business. Finally got a diagnosis on my health problems and getting better.Fun with friends and family at a variety of different places: Taste of Tacoma,  Office Retreat, Seahawks games, Rainiers games, outdoor movie night, Tulalip casino, Bunco party, Deck the Hall Ball. Traveling: The ocean, Arizona, Orlando, San Francisco, Cabo
 So based on all this, what is in store for me for 2015. I can only imagine it's better than this year.

Work is good. I love what I do. Starting a business is good too. I hope that it will be successful. A friend and I will be doing marketing for small business and authors. We already have some work, so that's good.I will continue writing. Actually, I'd like to write more. I have a novel I'm still working on and one that needs a rewrite and a slew of other ideas to keep me busy for a long while.Not looking for love. If it finds me, fine, but not going in search of it.Now that I know from where my health problems originate, do what it takes to get better.Get back to exercising. My condition truly doesn't allow me much exercise. I'm joining a gym and getting back into it slowly but surely.Continue traveling. Places to go this year will hopefully include, New Orleans, San Diego, Scottsdale, and hopefully more.Make new friends. I think I need to expand my horizons. You can't have too many friends.Other things, which I'll talk about in another blog. How was your 2014? What are your goals for the next year?

Are you meeting your wife/girlfriend's needs?

Okay, I'm writing another response article, this one goes along with yesterdays blog in which I responded to the article, Your husband has 5 basic needs, are you meeting them?

So, I'm writing this from MY point of view. I know all women are different and I can't speak for them all, but I'm sure many women are like me as well, and these are the things I think are possible big Man Fails in my book of relationship wisdom. (note that I say possible. You may be the most perfect man in the world and if so, I'm not talking to you).

1. Listening to her when she has a legitimate issue with you. Right. I know, I know. Note that I say legitimate though. I'm not talking about the women who nag all the time. I'm talking about the ones who know you don't like to talk about feelings so for the most part, keep them to ourselves. So when we do come to you and tell you something that's bothering us, at least have the courtesy to listen and maybe have a thoughtful response. Even if you don't agree with us, can you try to see where we're coming from and why and maybe try to find some middle ground. K? Thanks.


2. Respecting her. Please. This. Always this. Don't treat her like a submissive in front of friends or guests. It's embarrassing and demeaning. Definitely treat her with respect in front of your children. If you don't, you are teaching them how to treat her as well and that's not right or okay. Don't call her names. Don't tell her she's stupid. Don't do emotional, mental or physical harm to her in any way. You have no idea what this does to a person unless it's been done to you. And if it has been done to you and it's the only way you know how to be in a relationship, get counseling. Yeah, seriously, why are men so opposed to seeking counsel to save their relationships?

3. Giving her praise or show her you love and appreciate her in little ways every once in a while. You don't have to do this every day. No. We don't expect this. We NEVER expect this because it rarely happens. But we get used to finding out how NOT to do things. Or not NOT to cook things or clean things. When we do something you appreciate, let us know. "Wow, dinner was great tonight, honey, where'd you learn to cook like that?" "House looks great today, babe." "What'd you do, slave all day?" Give her flowers. Yeah, again, you don't have to do it all the time, but do it when she' least expect it. And they don't have to be expensive. One stem. A tiny arrangement every so often. Leave her notes. For me, I don't need expensive gifts, but to be TOLD I'm loved and do a good job feels awesome. Oh, and yeah, I like flowers.


4. Giving her some "me" time. I'm not talking a lot. I mean, family first, right? But listen, a night out with the girlfriends a couple times a month isn't a death sentence. A girls weekend a couple times a year won't kill you either. And hey, when a stay-at-home-mom says she's going to the grocery store at night, don't suggest the kids go, even if they want to. In fact, YOU be the one to tell them they can't. Sometimes that's all the time the wife needs away to unwind after a long day cooking, cleaning and watching the little ones. Maybe a bath, going to get a massage. You and the children are not the end all be all of her existence...which brings me to number 5.

5. Letting her be her own person. Many women lose their identities when they get married. Especially those who decide to become stay-at-home moms. They live and breathe the family, doing nothing else but familycentric activities, vacations, etc. While that may be okay for some, for others it can eventually be utterly devastating. They get tired of being known as "Bob's" wife or "Jake and Emma's" mom. They are dejected  when friends stop calling asking them to go places because they're always busy with family. They need their own friends, own activities, own hobbies. They need to remain individuals apart from being a mom or a wife. Otherwise, they will get caught in an unhappy rut and will feel stuck, like the world is moving on without them like they are standing still.

So, that is how I feel and I don't think it's too hard. And guess what, guys? And ladies, you should read this too. It goes both ways. Your wives and girlfriends should be treating you the same way. See, this is being an equal in a relationship. This is having a mutual respect for each other while not pandering to or being dutiful like a servant.

A relationship is a partnership. Sure, there is give and take, but there is reciprocity, collaboration, support, understanding, affinity, and courtesy. Be kind always. Communicate. Always remember, that person you're with isn't just your significant other, but an individual who has interests outside of you. Those individual interests should be pursued with your support, otherwise they may be pursued, devoid of you.