Ad Hudler's Blog, page 4

Reason #8846R4 to Love My Wife: Inventive use of a chicken carcass

She plays with her food ...

"Look!" she said. "A pterodactyl!"

Postcard from Hell ...

"We're done!" I say, as the endodontist snaps off his rubber glove. "The root canal is done!"

"No, I'm afraid not," he says. "It was such a bad infection I couldn't finish the job."

I soon discover that he packed the nerve tunnels with an antibiotic/antiseptic fluid -- sort of like injecting it with Clorox, he explains -- and put in a temporary filling.....which will be drilled out next Thursday.

And I am thinking this: Bite me.

Snapshot from My Bank ...

... the woman in front of me is going on and on to the teller about wheat grass shakes ...

"They give me soooo much energy. I mean look at me! Those things are incredible! Have you had one? ... They just give me so much energy!"

And as they conducted their transaction over five minutes' time she reached for, opened and ate ... literally crunched and swallowed ... THREE lollipops the teller keeps for children in a basket at her station.

Hmmmm....Methinks it might be the sugar and not the wheat grass.

Postcard from SunTrust ...

... the woman in front of me is going on and on to the teller about wheat grass shakes ...

"They give me soooo much energy. I mean look at me! Those things are incredible! Have you had one? ... They just give me so much energy!"

And as they conducted their transaction over five minutes' time she reached for, opened and ate ... literally crunched and swallowed ... THREE lollipops the teller keeps for children in a basket at her station.

Methinks it might be the sugar and not the wheat grass.

Why Angie's List doesn't work ...

As a corporate-exec family we've moved numerous times, which means starting over every time: new docs, new plumbers, etc. In the past I always used the Yellow Pages. For this past move, I subscribed to and used Angie's List, a site at which customers rate businesses and describe their experience.

I needed a plumber. I found one on Angie's List with with an impeccable record. Of the 100-plus reviews, every single person rated them an A (as opposed to F, for the worst service.)

I called them and they arrived promptly. The plumber, I have to admit, was the most professional I'd ever had in my home. He told me up front what everything would cost, but I guess I didn't listen well enough because when he gave me the bill I nearly S--- a brick. Removal of a universal water filter from underneath the house, and replacement of a garbage disposal unit: Nearly $800.

I gave them a glowing review on Angie's List ... in all areas except for price, in which I gave them a D.

And then I got to thinking: Surely I'm not the only one who thought they were pricey. But why hadn't someone else shared my opinion? Every single reviewer gave them an awesome grade in pricing as well as performance. Hmmmmmm....

And then I got the phone call: "Mr. Hudler. This is BLANK from BLANK Plumbing. I'm the  manager here, and I couldn't help but wonder why you rated us so low."

"I only rated you low in pricing," I said. "If you read the review I gave you glowing remarks."

"Yeah, but that D brings our overall grade down to a B. ... So ... what can I do to get you to change your review?"

"Are you trying to bribe me?"

"I'm only trying to make this right ... what would you say to a $300 credit toward future service if you changed our grade to an A?" he asked.

So there you have it ...

I declined to change the review (I do have some integrity!), and BLANK Plumbing now has a B in pricing and an A grade in everything else.

As it should be.

Why Angie's List just doesn't work ...

As a corporate-exec family we've moved numerous times, which means starting over every time: new docs, new plumbers, etc. In the past I always used the Yellow Pages. For this past move, I subscribed to and used Angie's List, a site at which customers rate businesses and describe their experience.

I needed a plumber. I found one on Angie's List with with an impeccable record. Of the 100-plus reviews, every single person rated them an A (as opposed to F, for the worst service.)

I called them and they arrived promptly. The plumber, I have to admit, was the most professional I'd ever had in my home. He told me up front what everything would cost, but I guess I didn't listen well enough because when he gave me the bill I nearly S--- a brick. Removal of a universal water filter from underneath the house, and replacement of a garbage disposal unit: Nearly $800.

I gave them a glowing review on Angie's List ... in all areas except for price, in which I gave them a D.

And then I got to thinking: Surely I'm not the only one who thought they were pricey. But why hadn't someone else shared my opinion? Every single reviewer gave them an awesome grade in pricing as well as performance. Hmmmmmm....

And then I got the phone call: "Mr. Hudler. This is BLANK from BLANK Plumbing. I'm the  manager here, and I couldn't help but wonder why you rated us so low."

"I only rated you low in pricing," I said. "If you read the review I gave you glowing remarks."

"Yeah, but that D brings our overall grade down to a B. ... So ... what can I do to get you to change your review?"

"Are you trying to bribe me?"

"I'm only trying to make this right ... what would you say to a $300 credit toward future service if you changed our grade to an A?" he asked.

So there you have it ...

I declined to change the review (I do have some integrity!), and BLANK Plumbing now has a B in pricing and an A grade in everything else.

As it should be.

Postcard from Nebraska: Porn on the Plains

Someone years ago must have told the architect: We want you to design a state capitol for Nebraska. Lots of rich farmland here. The breadbasket of America and all that. We want it to symbolize fertility.

Mission accomplished:





When I was a student years ago at the University of Nebraska, we called it The Penis of the Plains. 400 feet tall. By law, no building in Lincoln can be taller.

 I think it gets an A+ in anatomical-correctness: long shaft, head on top. And looky here:


At the tip: a character known as The Sower, who throws his seed to the wind.

'Not much left to the imagination here.

An architect's wet dream?

(Sorry. Filters seem to be nonfunctional at this time)

The perfect hostess gift

Sign #4882E4 that I was traveling through Wyoming (This on a truck window in Dubois):


But, sir, I was looking for a beetle-cleaned Asian skull.

A Sign From God: #447RY5

This from a downtown Nashville church (Andrew Jackson's former church, which was used as a Yankee field hospital during the War Between The States):


Soooooooo many possible interpretations of this....

What's your take on it?

Dear Ugly Police: We need help down here.

Today's rant: A drive through Georgia has become mighty ugly in recent years. One reason is because the state does a poor job of picking up trash and blown-out tires. (That's a shout-out to you, Guvnuh) But here is the bigger culprit:



Huge, towering billboards-on-a-stick, several at a time...as thick as trees in some spots.
A drive through Georgia feels like a flea market these days. I am thrilled to cross into Florida or Tennessee to escape the ugliness. Certainly, you see these things in all states, but Georgia for some reason has not limited the density of them.

Now, they're starting to pop up along the interstates in Alabama. Not cool!

I love living in the South because the people are friendly and the land is beautiful, but if this goes on we will be mighty ugly indeed. Like Georgia. Poor, homely Georgia ... you once were so lovely.

Dear Mrs. Obama: When you finish tackling obesity in American children, maybe you can wrestle with those sexy arms of yours this problem of a growing eyesore in Dixie.