R.W. Richard's Blog, page 7

2021

 

2020’s building collapsed on our backs and we are pushing out of our way great weights to dig out and see the light. And we will.

It’s that time again for resolutions. I will offer one writerly one.

All habits are initially pleasurable whether they are good or bad. For instance smoking is pleasurable until cancer consumes those who smoke and there are some on their death bed who need a smoke. To form a habit the experts say you have to be at it for 21 days straight, at the end of which you will receive sufficient reinforcing pleasure to continue. To break a habit the same period applies and during the breaking you will feel pain (a longing for those time wasting habits you so enjoyed).

Some of us have used the trauma of 2020 to not write. Resolve to move on. But how can we, when we have established bad writing habits? And what are these habits? For one, not writing every day means there is insufficient pleasure in the craft and insufficient practice to become better. Pleasure is measured in many ways. Feedback is a big way for writers, whether it be from a critique group or writing partner or just knowing you are off your game. Try to find your way back. If you don’t serve the master of writing every day, you will not write your best. In order to do this you must establish the habit by going at it for 21 straight days or until you notice that you must write or you’ll feel wrong. Establish time limits for drafts. Tell Alexa to set an alarm. Make a routine and stick to it, no matter what other “oh, I have to do this or that" enters your mind. Susan Elizabeth Phillips sets 2 hours in the morning when she’s at her best for creating new scenes. The rest of the day is a mix of other writerly tasks and her personal life. If your characters jump into your mind at an infrequent interval, you won't get to know them with any intensity. If you don't know them, your readers won't either.

Look around, what do you do in place of writing to fill up the day. Other pleasurable habits. Squash them or relegate them to a harmless time of day if you are serious about your craft.

This advice only works if you consider yourself a full time or nearly full time writer, because other jobs are important if you want to eat.

2021 will be a year of liberation.

 

The final rose

 A moment in time

Tayshia Adams and Zac Clark got engaged on the finale of the Bachelorette. Yes, you say, that's nice. But it was more than nice. To watch the two of them interact with their expressions of love, happiness, and acceptance was unusual. The proposal was a master class for artists and writers in feelings, as shown on their faces, with their bodies, and through their words. Sean and Catherine of seasons past came close when they rode off on an elephant. BTW, Sean and Catherine have three children together. Tayshia wants five.

Apparently the fantasy sweets are (also) an intense way to get to the truth of a relationship. Tayshia and Ivan spent their whole night talking about how the marriage could work, but for one problem, Ivan may have been chosen rather than be rejected. He's an agnostic (doesn't know if there is a God). She's Christian. He said he would not object to her taking the kids to church but he would also express how he believed.

Some of my readers have told me that this falling in love with more than one person is unnatural. Well, it is because people don't invest, in general, in multiple serious relationships at the same time. The show created that. Think about it this way. You having nothing else to do for months but focus on a possible marriage partner. Compare that to the average person, who has to multi-task his or her life every day. They may date once or twice a week, but certainly less frequently than on the show.

When you focus on love, love is what you get.

The odd world of ABC's Bachelorette

 You'd think the ABC franchise of Bachelors, bachelorettes, and Paradise would have disappeared until the world got back to something resembling normal. For 2020 they couldn't save Paradise, but this fall they found a safe way to do the Bachelorette.

I know some of my readers do not like the show. You don't have to. I like to say I watch it for the dialogue. Try this, "my grandmama said worrying is like a rocking chair. You go back and forth but go nowhere." But for me it's more. I just love the show. Bear with me.

So ABC could no longer take the contestants all over the world like the Amazing Race. So that aspect was lost. But, this meant that the contestants had more time for each other (in theory). Enter Clare Crawley, a 39 year old woman who knows what she wants. She immediately falls in love with a guy named Dale. They get engaged and leave the show early. This has never happened. ABC, searched for a quick replacement to fill out the remainder of the season. How could this work for whomever said yes?

Enter Tayshia Adams, the most gorgeous bachelorette I have ever seen. The remaining men from Clare's shortened season practically fell on the floor when she sauntered into their lives.

Tayshia, an exotic mix of Mexican and black isn't just pretty, she had finely honed qualities any man would want in a wife. And all the men rapidly went crazy. She wowed me. She has  a mix of empathy, as if she had a doctorate in psychology, an ability to bring out intimate details from the men, a sense of humor, compassion ("I don't want to hurt anybody"), caring, and a great capacity for love, and she's so feminine.

In spite of being restricted to one resort (quarantine), this young lady is now my favorite Bachelorette. If you haven't watched the show it will air tonight and next week as she is down to four men. Since the season was cut a bit short, I predict a little chaos will occur around the finale. Oh what a lucky man or men??

Funny story about her. Her very conservative dad told her when she appeared in a previous Bachelor season not to wear a bikini. Obedient to her daddy she wore a two piece that was not flattering, but she'd look good in a paper bag. Well, this season, she must have worn down her dad because she put a bikini on and it was lights out for the men. Don't get me wrong. Her strongest feature is her deep love for her fellow human beings.

A journey to traditional publishing

A journey into traditional publishing

My new novel, Cinnamon & Sugar, is being published by The Wild Rose Press with a full release on Jan 18, 2021. On Amazon it shows that you can pre-order. Once I found this out, I posted on Facebook. That, apparently, was enough to move it to position #500,000 on the best seller list. Look at this oddity in context. There are something like 7,000,000 books offered on Amazon, correct me if the number is higher. So what is being 500,000 mean? I don’t know yet, maybe 20 or 30 sales?? I know that the average book sells 6 copies, lol. Don’t be that guy or gal.

Oh how to avoid that, yuk. You see, for me, I have no choice. When I was caretaking my daughter Lani, who passed away last year, I read the manuscript to her. She cried, it being right up her alley. She marched for women’s and civil rights. She made me promise to find a publisher and use the royalties to help her children. All proceeds will go to my grandchildren. So that’s why I have no choice. I must be successful, lol. Seriously, I know some of my author friends struggle with finding a traditional publisher. I’ll suggest that you find a cause coincident with the theme of your book. And if it is simply about love, celebrate it with all the passion you have. It helps to have someone pushing you. In my case, I have an angel.

https://www.amazon.com/Cinnamon-Sugar-RW-Richard-ebook/dp/B08PMPC9S8

Meet the heroine of my story as I see her. Alicia Bloom. Young and gorgeous, a valedictorian who cannot go to college, being held back by her fosters. So she runs away and immediately finds herself in a world of hate in which she becomes the target of a homicidal maniac, just because she talked back to him. Genre: new adult, interracial romance, probably rated PG or G.

 

 

 

 

Can you tell a book by it's cover?

I presented a possible cover to my critique group for critiquing. I won’t go into what they said but for one thing. “What is the story about in five words?” asked a non-romance author.

What five words? Give me a break, but it worked. I blurted it out, “It’s about prejudice.” Okay, that's three. Do I get extra credit?

The cover I showed for my about to be released novel, Cinnamon & Sugar is below:

So, looking at this, my son-in-law said when I asked how he felt about it, he said, "Well, it's a romance novel, right?" He thought it was typical for romances and therefore it's just a cover and ok.

That got me thinking about people who never read romances. My thoughts went to the movie Casablanca. "Our feelings don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.... Where I go, you can't follow.... Here's looking at you, kid..." (from memory, and aren't the greatest all like that. We remember. It's seared into our brains.)

Rather than shrug your shoulders at a person who doesn't "do" romance. Speak up, so I did. I said the story is about prejudice." I explained. Now I'm not sure he'll read it, but because his deceased wife, my daughter, loved the first draft. He probably will. And at the end when I finish with a Martin Luther King quote, “I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.” He'll say, yes, this really was about prejudice. And maybe he'll remember some lines from the story.

So this brings me back to romance in general. I'll just stick my neck out there and suggest that any good novel, no matter the genre, needs at least two intertwined stories, both with purpose and goals.

 

Show, don’t tell, revisited

 It should read Show, Tell less.

Telling is used for summaries often found at the end of chapters and called in the trade, sequels. Before I go on, I want to thank Sandra Gerth for her instructional book on this subject, Show, Don’t Tell.

The sequels I refer to are from another author, Jack Bickham, Scene & Structure. Sequels are the same as Sandra’s transitions but for one important difference. A sequel occurs at the end of a scene, transitions, not necessarily.

Here’s Sandra’s list for when to tell:

1.       Relatively unimportant details

2.       Transitions. Typically, the POV character must pause and digest new info.

3.       Repeated info (it’s been said before in the novel, so a quick reference will do. Generally, avoid this.)

4.       Repeated events. Summarize events that happen repeatably.

5.       Pacing. Showing too much can slow down the narrative.

6.       Context. A little telling before a scene can ground your reader in what’s happening or about to happen.

7.       Suspense. Telling the POV character’s worries over today’s events can create anxiety in the reader who would then worry about tomorrow. That’s a good thing, because your reader is engaged.

8.       And the all important First draft (got to have one of these, lol).

John Bickham’s take on Sequel: “A sequel begins for your view point character the moment the scene ends. Just struck by a new, unanticipated but logical disaster, he is plunged into a period of sheer emotion, followed sooner or later by a period of thought, which sooner or later results in the formulation of a new, goal-oriented decision, which in turn results in some action [in the future scene, RWR] toward the new goal just selected.

If a majority of a chapter is a scene, then the showing should also be in the majority. Therefore, Show, tell less.

A Timeless Christmas

Last night my two teenaged grandsons watched A Timeless Christmas,  presented by Hallmark, with Del and I. I could tell they liked it because they didn't fall asleep. Well, our guest speaker of yesterday at the Romance Writers of America San Diego Chapter, be she Alexis Stanton, Eva Leigh, or Zoe Archer is a masterful writer and the movie she wrote was full of memorable scenes, very real dialogue, and managed to highlight the craft points she made yesterday in her 2 lectures without being obvious. Catch it. You'll love it.

Her workshop explored how to take beloved romance tropes to create compelling stories, and to keep your readers coming back for more. It suggested tweaking and sometimes mixing tropes to give your story unique and memorable twists and how to do this realistically in a way that would not disappoint a reader, who knows and loves the tropes.

Her presentation also examined techniques to create strong characters with depth and heart. She suggested investing in Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi’s books, all ending in Thesaurus. I have The Emotion Thesaurus which I use quite often and highly recommend. She suggested for the purpose of her subjects: The Positive Trait Thesaurus & The Negative Trait Thesaurus. The team has written others, all of which look helpful.

Stephen King is here today

Stephen B. King, that is, but IMO, just as good!

 Two new offerings from the Glimpse Series by Stephen B. King

Glimpse, the Angel Shot 
                                     and                                      
 Glimpse, the Dinner Guest 
(a Friday the 13th short story.) 

Seven women have disappeared from bars only to be found murdered after asking for an Angel Shot. Detective Rick McCoy is handed the case after returning from leave following his wife's horrific ordeal at the hands of the serial killer, PPP. Criminal psychologist Patricia Holmes lost her husband to the same killer and when her current partner makes her life miserable she jumps at the chance to work with Rick again. When they determine a man currently jailed for the crimes could not have committed them the mystery deepens.

But that is the least of Rick's worries. An imaginary alter ego appears warning him his wife is suicidal. Will they be able to solve the riddle of the Angel Shot before another victim loses her life and save his wife from taking hers? Buy link Glimpse, The Dinner GuestWebsite Amazon author page

Detective Sargent and clinical psychologist, Patricia Holmes, has been invited to a murder mystery dinner party at a small luxury hotel located in Western Australia. The dinner is a reunion party for the psychologists and psychiatrists who work at Perth’s largest mental hospital, which treats the criminally insane.

 But there is an uninvited guest--a former patient who is hungry for revenge. In fact, he is ravenous. He will stop at nothing until he murders the doctor who gave him painful, electroconvulsive therapy.

 Detective Sargent Holmes must stop a frenzied killer on a vicious spree—but can she save the other guests, or will she be the last one left alive?

Buy link Glimpse, The Dinner GuestWebsite Amazon author page
Snippets for both books and some lowdown about the author, Stephen B. King, and his writing. 
Glimpse, the Angel Shot:  “You have been busy, haven’t you? Thanks for interceding on my behalf. The thing is, I’ve been thinking of giving everything up and going back to lecturing. Besides, I won’t work with Pepperdick again, and apparently, all the other sergeants think I’m a liability and won’t partner with me.”               She took another drink and looked back out of the window, blinking rapidly. “Pat, you know as well as I do most cops are a superstitious lot. All you need is one more good investigation, one where you don’t get shot or stabbed, and there would be a long line of guys who would want you as their partner. Do you think if you had another chance, you could get through a whole case and not get wounded or slap your boss?”  She had been swallowing and choked as she laughed at his humor.  “Depending who my boss would be, I could try,” she offered when she recovered, then turned her serious gaze on Rick’s.                                            **** “Yep. So, show me what you’ve got. Let’s say Brandon is not our killer. Have you got enough to profile who is?”  Pat made a pantomime of patting her pockets and looking around her, including under her chair. “What are you doing, Pat?” he asked, though he suspected what her answer would be.  “Oh, I was just looking for my magic wand; I thought I left it lying around here somewhere.”  They both laughed for a moment, and Rick’s heart swelled. They fitted together so perfectly. He shrugged, forcing the feelings down, which he had been doing with Pat for a long time.  “I don’t have much, Rick, but here are some thoughts.” She paused, composing her ideas. “People generally think rape is about having sex, yet we know often it’s not. That is the result, yes, but the cause is more about control, or even to some extent, sadism. Sometimes the rapist cannot achieve orgasm, which makes him more violent, so, we can postulate sex may not be a motivating factor; cruelty is. So, that’s the first point to consider. Second, not only was Ingrid Stapleton brutalized, but then strangled. Strangulation is a very hard, upfront, and personal way of murdering someone. Sometimes we see it in a case of domestic violence, where the killer is angry with someone else to the point of losing control. So, we can draw from that the man was angry with Ingrid, but why? On the face of it, Brandon O’Toole fits that description, he was rejected by her, and that could cause uncontrollable rage, rage enough to strangle, yes, but, in that case, not rape, do you see what I mean?”  Rick nodded slowly. “Yes, I think I do. If we are assuming O’Toole didn’t take Ingrid, then maybe the killer watched her in the bar, perhaps witnessed Ingrid’s altercation with O’Toole, and tried to rescue her. Possibly, he comforted Ingrid after O’Toole left and because he fancied her that could explain the Rohypnol and subsequent sexual assault. But why kill her by strangulation?”  Her brown-eyed gaze bored into his. “Rick, I think we are looking for someone in part with severe issues of anger and hatred toward women, yet in another way, he has a natural desire for them too. He couldn’t let her go because she would identify him. This man could have some sort of dissociative disorder, or dare I say even possible multiple disorder syndrome, and if that’s the case....”  “He’s killed before, or after. Jesus, Pat, you’re saying this could be a serial killer who got away with murder?” 
Glimpse, the Dinner Guest  Pat knocked on the door of number ten and hoped she had caught Ruth before she went downstairs to the bar. From inside, she heard a muffled woman’s voice.                             “Can you get that, Tony,”               The next moment, the door was yanked open, and a tall distinguished looking man wearing a tuxedo performed a double take when he saw her.                                                 “Jesus Christ, are you all right?” he said with concern in his voice, and Pat realized the effect her slashed and bloody top had on him.                       Pat gave a small laugh, which, when she glanced again at his face, grew louder, and threatened to become hysterical. “I'm fine, thank you. Dress scary, the invite said, so I did. I've got to say; your tuxedo isn't scary at all. I'm Patricia Holmes and would like to have a few words with Ruth, if I can, before festivities get underway.” He grinned and stepped back, beckoning with his head for her to enter. “Yeah, we don't do fancy dress-ups, sorry. We're far too dull in our old age. Come in. Ruth is applying her make up with a trowel. I'm Tony. I don't think we've met?” “Thanks, Tony, please call me Pat, everyone does. I left Graylands quite a while ago now, and even when I was there, I was only part-time. I consulted to the criminally insane, the lifers, worst of the worst. By all means, call me morbid. These days, I’m with the police.” He pointed to the chair by the desk for her to sit then turned his head to the bathroom. “Hon, it's Patricia Holmes. She wants a word with you before we go downstairs. Do you want me to hang around, or can I go down and mingle?” Ruth Hawthorne stuck her head around the doorway with a lipstick clutched in her right hand. “Hello, Pat, bloody long time no see, how are you doing?” She turned her glance to her husband, “You can leave us girls. We can go down together. Is that all right, Pat? My God, I love your outfit.” “Thanks, Ruth. I thought I’d have a bit of fun. Going down together works for me. I need a private chat anyway...” “Sounds ominous. You get off, Tony. Pat joined the dark side and is with the police now, but I don't think she is here to arrest me.” Pat shook her head and smiled as Ruth disappeared back into the bathroom. Pat sat down on the seat to wait, and Tony acted like most people do around detectives; nervous and in a hurry to get away. “Righto, see you downstairs. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Holmes.” He scampered out the door quickly, eager to either get away from her, find a strong drink, or both.
Why did you write a Glimpse 4, wasn’t it meant to be a trilogy? Well, yes, originally this was to be THREE deadly glimpses. I wanted to tell a story of inappropriate workplace desires and the effect on four people during three murder investigations of three different serial killers. I think in the same way good actors like a mini-series to be able to really portray a character, I wanted three books to tell the story with all the nuances two married people would feel who were attracted to each other. I believe I did tell that tale to the best of my ability, but after book 3, Glimpse, The Tender Killer was published, a groundswell of public and reader opinion made itself known by way of emails…..It seemed my readers, including my narrator, and editor wanted to know what happened to my characters next. Quite frankly, I was stunned by the response I was genuinely flattered, but as a writer, I had ‘moved on’ and had other projects I was working on such as Winter at the Light, and a full re-write of Domin8, yet the calls for more continued. I truthfully never expected that, and was deeply moved that my characters struck such a chord with readers. But, still the ethos of the Glimpse series was to take the reader inside the minds of three separate serial killers and show why they were the they were, so to create a fourth instalment would require another killer, and that wasn’t so easy to do.  I am deeply fascinated by all things psychology, and in particular, what circumstances create the triggers which cause some people’s minds to fracture and create a serial killer. In Glimpse, The Angel Shot I use 3 quotes from one of America’s worst serial murderers, Ted Bundy, to give an indication how these types of people think:"Murder is not about lust, and it's not about violence. It's about possession.""We serial killers are your sons; we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow.""What's one less person on the face of the earth, anyway?"
  For me, this is not only some of the most chilling words I have ever read, but deeply, and yes morbidly, interesting. So, for me to create another serial murderer for Patricia Holmes to profile, wasn’t easy, and it took some time to come up with the answer. My wife inadvertently came to my rescue when we were out one night at a social function and she said to me when she returned to the table, “You’ll never guess what is written on the back of the lady’s toilet door.” I looked up and joked, “Jeez, I hope it’s not my phone number advertising for a good time.” Obviously, she is used to my warped sense of humor, and gave me a withering stare, until I asked her, “No, darling, what is on the back of the door?”  Her answer was like a bolt of lightning hitting me, and my two all-time favorite words came to mind: “What if…”  My loving wife gave me all I needed to create a man so troubled by his dysfunctional marriage he wants to rape and murder vulnerable women when they asked for help to be rescued from a troublesome date. One thing about me readers may find interesting:I am fascinated by how the human mind can fracture and have a tremendous respect for psychologists, and psychiatrists who try to help patients put the pieces back together. A good friend, and his wife are both prominent psychologists, and my daughter has degrees in criminal psychology and justice. I often wish I had studied the subject myself, but at that age I was far more interested in rock music, free love, illegal substances, and telling stories. The Glimpse series is named that because in each book I try to offer the reader a look into the killer’s mind set, and offer an answer to the question most people want answering; why.One thing about Glimpse 4 I think readers will find interesting:A character named Jolly appears in Glimpse, the Tender Killer as the evil alter-ego of the schizophrenic serial killer, Bobby Cornhill, whom the media nickname, The Biblical Killer, because of the religious quotes written in blood on the victim’s walls. I received a lot of emails from readers demanding not only to bring him back, but asking the question, was Jolly a real entity or just a figment of Cornhill’s very troubled mind. While I loved creating this character, I was stunned that readers wanted more, and in Glimpse, the Angel Shot, Jolly features a lot more. This time one of the main protagonists, Rick McCoy sees, and talks to Jollly. The question again is: Is Jolly real, or is Rick slowly going insane?Who is Jolly?I am genuinely staggered by the number of readers who wanted to know more about my character, Jolly. I wanted the reader to wonder, is Jolly real, or just a figment of a very troubled mind? And boy, did they.I loved Jolly, and felt I was crossing the border into the supernatural, as if I was writing like my more famous namesake. I put a lot of effort into making Jolly feel real to not only the murderer, but make the reader ask that question, is he somehow real and chooses who he appears to? I had so many requests, when I sat down to write Book 4, The Angel Shot, I knew I had to bring Jolly back, and, I did with a vengeance. The hairs on the back of my neck still tingle when I read about Jolly, and I know what happens next! I hope those readers who wanted to see him again are satisfied, and they can finally decide if he is just imaginary, or somehow, a sentient character who chooses who he will appear to, and influence. How could he appear to Bobby and make him murder liars in an internet chat room, yet confront Rick McCoy and offer a lifeline to save Juliet, his wife? And, then, when Jolly appears to Juliet and offers a way to find solace, and help to keep her sanity, is he helping, or hindering her recovery?Suffice to say, my beta readers, my editor and narrator, enjoy the juxtaposition that Jolly creates. While Rick worries, he is losing his mind, supposedly, all Jolly wants to do is save his wife’s sanity, and life. Could such a thing actually happen? As Pat says to Rick when he finally admits to her he is seeing Jolly "We all need help at different times in our lives, sometimes more than others. Often, speaking about what is inside us helps our fears and anxieties dissipate by bringing them into the open and letting you examine them in the cold light of day. I can see Jolly seems real to you, which of course, he would, wouldn't he? If it weren't so real, you'd shrug it off and laugh. A psychosis, no matter how severe, is always real to the person experiencing it. It should never be shrugged off, laughed at, or ignored for that matter. You've been under more stress than anyone should have to bear, I'd be amazed if you didn't come through it without some, shall we say, quirks. It doesn't mean you're mad or need locking up or can't function as you are. But I think the first step for you is to understand why this is happening. Guilt is one of the most powerful motivators there is, and I think once you accept that, work with it instead of trying to fight it, you will see Jolly less and less.Will Jolly appear in a future story?Hmm, I am honestly not sure. From my perspective, he is a wonderful, rich character to write for. Intelligent, deep, and he keeps quoting the bible to suit any given situation. So, maybe he will. I’m not saying Jolly is appearing to me, but I sometimes, in the still of the night, hear him whispering to: “Stephen, bring me back…”
Why a short story in the Glimpse series?I am reminded of the adage, less is more, and for writers, that means the less you say, the more impact it can have. So, the challenge for me was only writing 13000 words featuring a character I love writing for, when sometimes I could just write, and write and write… Then, before I know it, I’m approaching 100,000 novel limit. When I read through The Dinner Guest, as I have so many times now, I realize just how much I was able to say, with so few words, and I am thrilled with the result. I am tempted to perhaps write a few more short stories, or novellas for Pat, and Rick, in their own anthology. We shall see how Book 5 is received, and if there is a demand from my loyal reader. Well, as I said earlier, never say never.Thank you so much for having me on your blog, and the chance to chat about my Glimpse world.                      So nice having you here today!In case you missed them, here are the first three thrillers in                                the Glimpse seriesWebsite Amazon author page

 

Bravo, Stephen not only on the great covers, but the contents compel page turning. Bob

Shirley Goldberg is here today

I was intrigued when I read one of my favorite author's blog and asked Shirley if I she'd like to post her thoughts on a romance subject very important today. I felt her blog post would inspire romance writers to consider Covid romances as well as distance dating:

Get closer through distance dating

Bees do it. My friends do it.  

Distance Dating is a Thing, but Don’t Forget to Crank up Your Profile

 

My character in my novel Middle Ageish dates a lot. Easy because her story is romantic women’s fiction where there’s no Covid. At least not in my fiction world.

It’s a little more difficult in the real world where some enterprising souls haven’t given up. I know because several of my friends are distance dating––and being nosy––I’ve interviewed them.

One friend met her honey right before the pandemic started spreading and they isolated together. All is well. They just bought a house.  

Another friend relies on Zoom to get things moving. After a few Zoom sessions, he invites dates on picnics and walks, although this is much more difficult now with the cold weather. He’s considering taking up racquetball and inviting dates to his gym. Masks would be required.

If you talked or “met” on a dating site before Covid, but didn’t get together, now could be the time. In spite of the pandemic, dating––at a distance––is a thing.

Here’s an idea for distance dating. Wine tasting outdoors in a public park. Be discrete. Decant. If alcoholic beverages aren't allowed, or you're uncomfortable, switch to a variety of juices. The thing about wine tasting is there are those little crackers (found in any wine store)  and you get to banter.

Plus it takes time to do all that testing. Oh, here's a helpful hint. Wine tasting doesn't have to be elaborate. You can go with a single bottle of your favorite zinfandel and it still counts. "Wine tasting" is the secret password to "Let's get together safely.”

Of course, if the wind chill is a factor, you might have to limit yourselves to a meet in the parking lot and waving to each other from your cars.

And toasting with juice. At least you’re getting out. Keep that distance and enjoy.

Even if you limit your dates to Zoom, you still need to get folks to notice you on the dating site. Keep in mind, if your profile reads like spinach, bland and boring, you won’t get any takers, even for a Zoom meet.

Add a little metaphorical balsamic vinegar, oil and Dijon mustard to the recipe. Your dating profile and your photo are meant to make lookers stop trolling and read.

How? Talk about your quirks. Yes, your quirks. Tell a story, even if it's a few lines. Let your real self out. Be specific. Keep it light. 

Write as if you're talking to a friend. 

What are one or two of your small pleasures in life?  Love sci-fi romances? Do you get a kick out of collecting crazy masks? Order pizza with mashed potato topping? Love texting and talking while watching a movie? That's another idea for a distance date, by the way. 

Gentlemen, here's the place to talk about test-driving that Mustang and keeping it overnight. (Don't say how you wangled that one. Not yet.)

Also, update your profile and your photo from time to time. Call it a work-in-progress. Talk about how you’re coping in these difficult times. A couple positive comments is all you need if you keep it light.

And avoid these negative profile bloopers:

•    Adjective-overload: Honest, Hardworking, Affectionate, Humorous, Attractive, Fun-loving.

•    Trying to be sexy: “I love high heels.”

•    Being stuck in the past: “They don’t make ‘em (movies, cars, furnaces) like they used to.”

•    Trying to warm her up with: “I love to cuddle in front of the fireplace.”

•    Using this old cliche: “I love my life. But it would be better with the right man.”

•    Refusing to put in the work: “Write a profile? It’s hard to talk about myself.”

•    Being overly demanding: “You must be tall, financially stable, and have your own hair.”

•    Going on and on about your kids or your grandkids. Save that for Facebook. Or a real date.

•    Posting an unclear, unflattering photo. Make sure it’s your best shot.

You’ve got a dating profile for one reason only. So people will contact you. Check out 10 Original Dating Ideas During Covid for a few more meet-cutes. 

About Middle Ageish

Sunny Chanel's marriage is circling the drain when her husband marks his colonoscopy on the calendar and ignores their anniversary. With divorce papers instead of roses on the horizon, she says "au revoir" Paris and croissants, and "hello" cheap New Haven apartment and ramen noodles.   

Encouraged by her friends, Sunny jumps into online dating, twenty-three years and twenty pounds after her last date. To her surprise she discovers dating might require a helmet, and occasionally armor to protect her heart, but after years of being ignored, her adventurous side craves fun and conversation. She's middle-aged not dead. Then suddenly, on the way to reinventing herself, life takes a left turn when the one man she can't forget calls with an unexpected request.

Excerpt from Middle Ageish

I hadn’t seen Noah since our kissy-face first meet. He’d taken on extra shifts, and I’d been busy packing and meeting guys whose names I didn’t remember. I checked my email. A text blew in from Noah.

––To: Sunny

From: Noah

Subject: Kiss my face

Dear Sunny,

I’m a programmer and an analyst and I figure our date was really three hundred dates in one (1) and so the next will be #301. Here are the stats:

Canalathon:               6.0 hrs.

Eating:                       2.5

Spot decisions:           0.3

Communication:        3.4

Navigation ie you:     2.5

Good night peck:       0.1, 0.1,  0.1,  0.1…                       

Final peck                  9.0

I had a very pleasant time on our date to see if we should date.

May I accompany you to the theater Friday night?

Yes, dear.

Our seats are side by side

Sweet sleeps

––Noah

 

To: Noah

From: Sunny

Mr. Noah: The theater? Such a delight. Thank you, yes.

 I logged off and sat looking at my half-eaten sandwich. Noah made me laugh. I was having fun for the first time in a very long time. There was an upside to getting closer to Noah, concentrating on Noah, letting it go wherever it would take me, whether it finished in a dead-end or a long-term relationship.

   The sandwich was tuna with mayo on rye bread. I took a bite. A tad dry because I didn’t have lettuce or sprouts in the house.

No sprouts in the house.    

The phrase tinkled in my head. Noah would like that.

Even though I’d known him a short time, I knew he’d like that.

About the Author

 Shirley Goldberg is a writer, novelist, and former ESL and French teacher who’s lived in Paris, Crete, and Casablanca. She writes about men and women of a certain age starting over. Her website http://midagedating.com offers a humorous look into dating in mid life, and her friends like to guess which stories are true.  Middle Ageish is her first book in the series Starting Over. Her character believes you should never leave home without your sense of humor and Shirley agrees.

WEBSITE: https://midagedating.com/

My Socials

https://www.facebook.com/midagedating

https://twitter.com/mylifeasadate

https://www.instagram.com/shirleygoldbergauthor/

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54758920-middle-ageish

Where to grab Middle Ageish

Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/y29ao9wq

APPLE   https://tinyurl.com/y37cbc5u

Nook/Barnes and Noble:  https://tinyurl.com/yyuwpq6o

Google: https://tinyurl.com/yypcdp7t

Kobo: https://tinyurl.com/y3ezzmhk

Debby Grahl is here today

Today is election day. I recommend electing Debby Grahl for great novelist. Please check out her new release and go vote:

Mountain Blaze  blurb

Disillusioned by his wife’s betrayal, rodeo star Dillon McCoy comes home to the mountains of North Carolina. When he agrees to take over the family ranch, the Lazy M, he’s unaware danger awaits.

Diana Thompson is having doubts about her engagement to Trent Sawyer. She agrees to leave Chapel Hill and spend Thanksgiving with her friend Jenn at the Lazy M. When Diana and Dillon meet, neither can deny their attraction, but both must resolve past relationships while fighting their growing desire.

After Dillon turns down an anonymous offer to purchase the ranch, attempts are made on his life. When a body is found, Dillon sets out to discover who wants the McCoy land enough to commit murder.

Buy link: https://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Blaze...

Amazon Author Page -- https://www.amazon.com/Debby-Grahl/e/B00B34HM26