R.W. Richard's Blog, page 17

The five love languages

The Five Love Languages
Here follows a short summary of Doctor Gary Chapman’s book which is also free as in audio for thirty days. I start with my commentary.


As writers we need every reference we can get to understand better our characters. This holds especially true for the male POV, the basic subject of this blog. Dr. Chapman published his book, The Five Love languages in 1995 but the way men and women love each other never changes. As a reference I recommend the movie, Alpha, about life 20,000 years ago.


Chapman. The five (emotional) love languages are:
1. Words of affirmation. If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
2. Acts of service. Ex.: If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going then this is your love language.
3. Affection. This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your primary love language.
4. Quality time. This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
5. Gifts. Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.


Here’s his point. People speak different love languages. Couples might not understand each other until they discover and learn the other’s primary language and then speak their partner’s language.
To understand this better and more completely Google or Bing a summary of his work.Regarding the male POV: it's a good bet that physical intimacy is a guy's primary love language.

Bachelor in Paradise

ABC’s Bachelor in Paradise is a popular attempt to entertain us. The audience is split between all-ins and the I’m-not-liking-certain-aspects.
The premise is simple: put a bunch of bachelors and bachelorettes together in a tropical resort. Ask them to pair up or risk being sent home.
Who doesn’t want a vacation with someone beautiful or handsome? This is how it starts for many who come on the show.
The controversy starts with the various strategies or lack thereof of the contestants.
The approaches are:
1. Just have fun.
2. Find what you hope is your life mate, stick to him or her, and hope for the best. Every year at least one couple gets married.
3. Keep your eyes open if someone more suitable shows up and dump the person you are with. (New people come every week.)
4. Be friendly and hope someone sees merit in you. This passive approach doesn’t usually work.
5. Bitch and moan about what others are doing on the show. Being negative usually doesn’t work.
6. Figuratively stab someone in the back. Being an asshole is a ticket to being shamed on social media and becoming undesirable. It is also unethical.
As always, watching or panning depends on the preferences of the audience.

L=ƒ(ep²)

L=ƒ(ep²)
There is the love of couples, families and love of all humans, often called agàpe. Of course, there is the love of pets, animals, the earth, the universe (but not spiders). Are these loves the same? Is love a perfect state in which the giver is in 100%? Are we evolving into more loving men and women through education and the love of others for us?
Writing romances, one needs to grapple with this subject, to create more believable characters. In the defects (lack of love or fatal flaws), lies the inner and sometimes outer struggles.
If love is indivisible, how can one love be greater than another? If you are physically close to someone, you may more often demonstrate your love. Does this mean you love aunt Mable, who lives in Sweden, any less? Consider the case where two lovers are separated through no fault of their own. Must drive them crazy.
Enough questions. As writers of any type of fiction, we need answers or at least I need them.
I’ll supply my answer, but I am sure there will be differences of opinion.
Placed in us by the universe or Creator is a pure drive to love. It cannot be divided. It is perfect. But, it is missing something. Energy. As a former physicist may I present a formula for love.
L=ƒ(ep²)
Love is the function of energy times proximity squared (of one person to another). Proximity is squared because the closer you are to the situation the more able you are to react.
Examples: of sacrifice:
Picture a white racist in Alabama diving into a raging river to save a little black girl. (May never happen except in your story).
A Victorian gentleman lays down his coat on a puddle for a beautiful stranger.
Examples of opportunity:
A guy is close to the object of his desire either on a computer or in real life. He overcomes his fear of rejection (due to their closeness) and strikes up a conversation.
A gal is at a rock concert and accidently on purpose runs into the Star performer (and the rest is history).
BTW: I just learned how to make the symbols above.
Using ƒ can be done by simultaneously holding down the ALT key and typing in 0131 on the num lock right side keyboard.
The square symbol, ² is achieved by holding down the ALT key and typing 253 on num locked keyboard.
Agápe: Paint the middle a and press ALT and 0225 as above.More: ALT 0151 = emdash —ALT 0150 = endash –
I’d love your examples of love or opinions on the formula..

Vicarious Tasks

renLately, Hallmark is putting out on location vacation romances. I enjoyed a safari in South Africa and the beauty of Figi. The writer made sure to highlight the local sights. Through the use of dialogue, emotion and great filming, Hallmark delivers you to this world we all wish we could be at.

In Love on Safari the jeep stops very close to a pack of South African painted dogs. These amazing creatures—who aren’t dogs and aren’t painted—immediately steal the show. Their rendition of barking “he he he, he he he” produces an unforgettable cacophony.Amazed, the heroine says, “What are they?” The hero goes on to describe their place in the world.

In A Summer to Remember I was overwhelmed with a—let’s pack our bags—when I watched the actors snorkel.

This brings me to writing technics. Any writer would be remiss if they didn’t feature some physical highlights of their locations. Why? A reader wants to be there in your world and feel what the characters are feeling. Suppose you lived in a future world where tectonic plates brought Africa one mile from the coast of the Americas. Having a swim or a walk on this beach is an opportunity not to be missed.I’ve sat in critique groups and listened to people say what does this scene do to advance the plot? I say take out these scenes and leave your book barren.

In the painted dogs scene and the snorkeling the heroines are reconsidering what they want from life.
Readers arrived at your story with their bags packed. Don’t disappoint them.

Two suitors remain

Two guys are left on ABC’s The Bachelorette (finale on August 6).
There’s a good chance that Becca Kufrin will end up engaged to a guy with more isms than you’d think possible.
Becca, a women’s rights activist said of Garrett (one of the two men) that she’d educate him. This presumes she’s not just a friend, lover, fiancée but and educator.
You can’t change a man or can you? This is a worthy premise or trope for a romance novel. I remember Governor Wallace walking into a Black church and asking for forgiveness. It took him 30 years. With Garrett, I hope for Becca’s sake that it won’t take long. In our romance fiction typical alpha males don’t sit for being educated by their women, none. I’m not sure if Garrett is alpha. He has been burnt in the past (a two-month marriage) and may seek direction. He wants this marriage to work and will likely try to change.
For those who don’t know: Garrett liked certain Instagram posts that made fun of Mexican children, women activists, LBGTQ people, and a post that said that the Parkland High schoolers who were marching for common-sense gun control were actors.
Nonetheless, you know me. I’m always hoping for a happy ending.
Also, in these days of rampant hatred, it is good to see a liberal woman reaching out. Can’t we all get along? Shouldn’t we all get along?

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

“Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” [Henry Higgins, My Fair Lady]
This is so culturally loaded that it shouldn’t be touched. But I will.
Before I start I want to differentiate between how men and women act in the workplace and their love, friends, social and family lives. In the work place, I have detected, being a long-time manager of many, no difference. For the rest of life’s adventures men and women act differently. This is possibly a mix of inborn and learned traits. It is also important to note that we are romance writers and must be shroud observers of how men and women fall in love.
Regarding non-workplace activities these are my observations once again: on average women seem more emotional. [Men hide their emotions better according to various studies.] Since emotions are more often the deciding factor as opposed to logic shouldn’t a man be more like a woman?
Let’s relate this to our craft.
1. Plotting in a logical manner may not lead to a human result, i.e. believable by your readers. This may create a boring lifeless story. Sure, plan, but get ready for your characters to interrupt you with ideas of their own. Remember a character doesn’t come to life if it ain’t alive. [Check out Plato and his philosophy about a world of forms. He stated that every thought has existence.]
2. No protagonist is perfect, right? If yours is, interview him deeper or start writing comic books.
3. There’s nothing worse than writing the predictable, trope laden, clichéd story.
Thank God, women and men are different. I think.

Grandpopasaurus

I got out of the shower, dressed but didn’t comb my hair. A scary sight. I Facetimed my 10-year-old grandson who is visiting New York City. I introduced myself as a Grandpopasaurs and immediately intrigued him. I asked him what his favorite dinosaur at the natural history museum was. Ankylaurus. Why? Kai said, “he has all these things coming out of his head (like you).” I asked him if the dinosaurs were running all over the place like in the movie? No, but in his mind, they were tearing up the place and some were eating tourists.
It dawned on me that we should be doing that* up front in our novels. *Intriguing, turning on the reader’s imagination, fantasies. This transports them to your world. Books on writing all talk about developing empathy in the first chapter. I say don’t forget intriguing your reader as well.
This type of writing happens all the time in song. Lyricists must capture us during a 2 or 3-minute song.
I say, “this (newly met) woman is my destiny.”
She says, “shut up and dance with me.” Wow, you can read into this statement that she wants to dance, is attracted, doesn’t want him to put the horse before the cart, see where this leads naturally (in an earthy stuation, etc. etc. [Shut Up and Dance, by Walk the Moon, 2014]
In novels:
EVENTS CONCERNING AND ON THE MORNING OF MAY 27 1942 PRAGUE.
Doctor Siegbert Singer, chief archeologist for the Reich and SS group leader used every advantage he could to stay alive in a world built on paranoia and literal backstabbing. The Nazis found his initials, SS, a sign of destiny. It helped his longevity. Therefore, he didn’t need encouragement when he pushed his only friend and fellow SS officer off the sheer southern cliff of Twin Summits Mountain. …“you should try skiing today, Max. Auf Wiedersehen.” [from Neanderthals and the Garden of Eden, by RW Richard, 2006]
It wasn’t every day a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of the road, not even in Dean Robillard’s larger-than-life world. “Son of a…” Dean slammed the brakes of his brand-new Aston Martin Vanquish and pulled over in front of her. [Natural Born Charmer, by Susan Elizabeth Phillips, 2007]
I’d love to hear your intriguing, engaging hook.
Shut Up and Dance
https://www2.bing.com/videos/search?q=walk+the+moon+shut+up+and+dance&docid=608035679248908561&mid=28FE4AFDA99DDB2AABB628FE4AFDA99DDB2AABB6&view=detail&FORM=VIRE
https://www2.bing.com/videos/search?q=walk+the+moon+shut+up+and+dance&docid=608035679248908561&mid=28FE4AFDA99DDB2AABB628FE4AFDA99DDB2AABB6&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

Meet me in the middle

The Middle by Zedd, Morris, & Grey is a 2018 log running number one hit.
Lovers meeting in the middle or not over some issues. They have disagreements. They're in. They're out. It's a mess. She wants him to pull her closer, come on over.

This is drama and good for romance fiction. But don't forget the end game. This is where the lovers run past half way. They reach the finish line. They have both given 100% to each other. There is perfect balance. It's not the middle. It's all in.
Their love doesn't consume each other. It makes their lives complete. Man fulfills himself, carries on the Creator's purpose by finding his mate (and adoring her). I do.

The Middle 2018 by Zedd, Morris, Grey
https://youtu.be/M3mJkSqZbX4

I think the world of you

I think the world of you.
A cliché to be sure. It is almost a throw away line like have a good day. Clichés are there for a reason. They generally use less words and are the most precise way of expressing something. So, if the person is being genuine (and not a fiction writer) what does it mean?
To suggest that someone means the world to you is a variation on “you are my world.” These two phrases are close enough in meaning to be grouped here. Humans search for purpose. If their purpose is making another human being happy, these clichés apply. In this purpose a person finds meaning for hi life. He is fulfilled. He can die someday with the thought of great peace and accomplishment.
Writing “I think the world of you” or some creative substitution should be accompanied by body language, internal monologue, etc. Since clarity is king and clichés are overused to the state of being watered down the writer must clarify. A creative substitution should also be clarified to enrich the story and because a little used phrase is also little understood.
Try “without you I am lost” or “I eat, drink and sleep you.” Have fun with your substitutions.

The Proposal

It’s interesting to see how new reality shows attract and then, hopefully hold an audience. ABC has just launched The Proposal.  It promises the strong possibility that two strangers will become engaged in one hour. They hide one in a booth and he or she chooses from ten. They have rounds, like a beauty contest where the contestants ask or answer questions. And yes, there is a swimsuit competition. Sorry if I offend but one of the attractions for me was the swimsuit competition at the Miss America pageant. In fact, I appreciated the gowns as well. The way a woman dresses shows off her femininity, because you can’t separate the culture from the person. We’ll see. Perhaps I won’t see.
Back to ABC, using rounds and the reveal at the end saves the show from disaster by introducing drama. I can only hope that the newly engaged couple will last, but I don’t care much, because I hardly know them. Unlike a good romance in a novel or real life, the couple’s commitment needs to be questioned and tried. Man is a social animal. Family, friends, and the couple do what’s best for each other. The couple have yet to work together.
If you want to watch The Proposal for light entertainment you may enjoy it. I probably will watch the next episode in which the woman chooses.