Arlene Miller's Blog, page 17

Go Slow: Flat Adverbs Ahead

THE BEST OF THE GRAMMAR DIVA…..FROM 2016

 

Since I am busy with my daughter’s baby shower this week and weekend (my first grandchild is due in December), here is a post from a few years back. I hope you enjoy it!

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Flat adverbs? Is this yet another grammatical thing we need to know about? Well, yes and no, but it isn’t difficult.

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Let’s start at the beginning. Adverbs are the part of speech that “describe” verbs. They usually tell how or when or to what extent. And they can also describe adjectives or other adverbs. And to review, adjectives are the part of speech that usually describe nouns (or pronouns), telling what kind. Here are some examples of adverbs:

He talks quietly. (Quietly is an adverb that tells how he talks.)We will leave soon. (Soon is an adverb that tells when we will leave.)He talks extremely quietly. (Extremely is an adverb describing another adverb – quietly – that tells to what extent.)She is really pretty. (Here, really is an adverb describing the adjective pretty, telling to what extent.)

You have probably noticed that many (probably most) adverbs end in  -ly, especially the ones that tell how or to what extent (as opposed to the ones that tell when, like now, then, soon, and later).

Now, there are also some other words that end in -ly, mainly some adjectives like lovely, lonely, and daily.

So, not all adverbs end in  -ly, and not all words that end in -ly are adverbs.

Now, what does this have to do with flat adverbs, and what are they anyway?

Okay. Many of the adverbs that end in  -ly  are created from the adjective, which has no  -ly:

quiet is an adjective (quiet house), but quietly is an adverb (talk quietly).soft is an adjective (soft blanket), but softly is an adverb (speak softly).quick is an adjective (quick bunny), but quickly is an adverb (run quickly).slow is an adjective (slow turtle), but slowly is an adverb (drive slowly).

You get the idea. 

A flat adverb (finally!) (oh, and final is an adjective, and finally is an adverb) is an adverb without an  -ly at the end.

Soon, now, then, later, too, very . . .  adverbs with no -ly. Easy.

But that is too simple. How about these sentences?

Drive slow because the roads are slippery. (Should it be slowly?)You went fast through those curvy roads.You need to come clean about what really happened.Stay close to me as we walk through the crowd.He hit the ball really hard.

Let’s talk about those flat adverbs:

Drive slow. Well, you could also have said drive slowly, so is drive slow okay?You went fast. Well, there is no fastly. Fast is both an adjective (fast car) and an adverb (drive fast). There is no  -ly form at all of this flat adverb. Come clean. Here is an adverb where the -ly form is used differently than the flat form. The wound healed cleanly is fine, but you wouldn’t say come cleanly. We just don’t use it that way.Stay close. Stay closely doesn’t make sense. However, follow closely does, so the flat adverb and the  -ly form are used differently in this case.Hit hard. That makes sense. But if you say hardly hit, well, that is really the opposite. So, in this case the flat adverb and the -ly form are opposites!

Flat adverbs used to be more common. Now, if we can use the -ly at the end, we tend to. For example

The moon is shining brightly –  instead of shining bright.Drive slowly through the storm  – instead of drive slow through the storm.Run quickly until you get to the other side of the street  – instead of run quick.

So, if you can use the  -ly version, it is probably best.

However, you have seen that in some cases the flat adverb and the -ly version have different uses, which is fine (stay close and follow closely, for example). In other cases, they are complete opposites (hit hard and hardly hit), which is also fine. In those cases, using the flat adverb is perfectly fine.

Rule of thumb: If there is an -ly version of the adverb that has the same meaning as using it “flatly” (is that even a word, or did I just make up a new adverb? She sings flat! Not flatly!), use the -ly version, as it is more common these days. If the flat adverb says it best (bestly?) use a flat adverb.

 

Overworked and Underloved

Image by PublicDomainPictures from PixabayHere is another piece from Lorraine Segal’s memoir, Angels and Earthworms. It is about teaching, so I will add a few thoughts of my own about teaching at the end…About Lorraine Segal

After surviving the ’50s and ’60s, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to start her own business, Conflict Remedy, happily teaching, coaching, blogging, and consulting around workplace conflict transformation. She is addicted to reading novels and enjoys walking in beautiful Northern California, where she lives with her wife. Her cartoon muse, Bookie, insisted that she write her memoir, Angels and Earthworms. For more information go to https://BooklingPress.com

The worst part of being an adjunct (freeway flyer) was the uncertainty, overwork, and constant commuting. It was like running a marathon all the time. I never knew which classes I would actually teach, because the college administrations could cancel them without notice and didn’t pay me anything if they didn’t enroll enough students. I was always taking on more work than I could really manage, hoping that the right number of classes would come through. And I still had to prepare for all the classes even if they were later cancelled.

For example, one semester I was working six days a week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I taught at Laney College in Oakland in the morning, and then went to City College in San Francisco in the afternoon, about an hour and a quarter commute, and then back to Laney at night. Other days, I went to City College and then Contra Costa College, which was in San Pablo, forty minutes north of Oakland.

I never had Spring Break, because different schools had their vacations in different weeks. And I couldn’t afford to take summers off.

One semester, I took on a Saturday class at City College because if another class had canceled I wouldn’t earn enough to live on. It was a brutal schedule. If I thought about how long it would be until my next day off, I couldn’t function. I became very ill at one point from overwork and stress. And I spent as much time commuting as I did teaching.

During the seven years I was an adjunct, I taught at seven different schools, including City College of San Francisco, Golden Gate University, Laney College in Oakland, Contra Costa College in San Pablo, St. Mary’s College in Moraga, Adelante Adult School in Berkeley, and Albany Adult School in Albany, just north of Berkeley. I loved teaching, but being an adjunct was an exhausting way to earn a living.

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And My Two Cents…(Arlene)

Exhausting, overwork, stress, and could’t afford are some of the words and phrases in the above piece. I can’t say I ever taught at more than two schools at once or ran back and forth between schools. But any way you put it, teaching is exhausting and hard work. I began teaching very late in life after other careers, and it was the most difficult, most tiring job I ever had. I taught public junior high for eleven years total, but the last four years I taught “only” sixty percent time because I was burned out and had started writing my grammar books at that point. Could I afford to teach only sixty percent? No, because teaching part time meant I had to pay more for my health insurance, and I paid at least half of my salary to that. And then could I afford to leave teaching after 11 years (which amounted to only 8+ years of service for my pension)? No, but I just couldn’t do it any longer. 

Technology was coming into the picture and being a luddite, I didn’t want to bother with that. I left in 2015, and several years later, the pandemic forced teachers to be prepared to teach both online and onsite.  And now, the government and others who are not knowledgeable about education are making decisions about what can and cannot be taught. No thanks. However, I admire and applaud all teachers.

Teaching isn’t like most other work. When you teach, you must be ON all the time. You cannot go to the break room for coffee, or answer a phone call, or run to the bathroom. You cannot sit and rest (unless you give a test or an in-class essay!!! LOL).

Add to all that, the low wages, the parents from hell (not all of them), the kids with needs that cannot be met by the teacher, and the fact that teachers must also be police, psychiatrists, social workers, sometimes parents, nurses — and now even swat teams!

I remember the time the entire district was called together and told that if there was some type of disaster, our first priority was to the school and community and not to our own children and families. This was never mentioned again. I remember being threatened by a very large, scary stepfather who asked me why I didn’t like his kid. I remember when a parent (a member of the clergy) complained because I was teaching 1984, and there was a prostitute in it. He had not read the book, and the part was so small, the kids didn’t even mention it. I remember the year I had some particularly aggressive girls in the class and one broke the other’s arm. I remember a group of my students deciding I needed a gangsta name, and they called me “Milldog” for the rest of the year. And the time a never-found-out student posted photos of some of us teachers on social media. And I did teach at two different schools one year, alternating days, and one of the classrooms was a portable, which was about 45 degrees until 10 a.m. when the heat finally kicked in. 

Yes, I do remember some very good things too! It is wonderful teaching the kids who want to be there to learn.  And hearing the praise from the parents who respect and appreciate what you are doing. And those parents do usually belong to those kids. 

Good and bad, teaching is hard work!

14 Tips About Plurals and Possessives

Apostrophes and s’s cause lots of problems in writing: plural possessives, possessive pronouns, pluralizing last names etc. Here are some tips:

Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from PixabayPlural nouns very rarely have apostrophes. Very, very rarely. The only ones I can think of offhand are the letters a, e, and u because without an apostrophe they make other words ( as, is, us )., and it would confuse the reader. Possessive nouns have apostrophes (these are singular possessives): Susie’s toy, the girl’s book, the dog’s bone Possessive pronouns do not have apostrophes: ours, hers theirs, its ( it’s is a conjunction, and all conjunctions have apostrophes.)Plural possessives are usually the plural word followed by an apostrophe.  The girls’ books are on the bottom shelf; The dogs’ barking is driving me crazy If the plural doesn’t end with an s , the possessive is made by adding ‘s : The children’s toys are all over the house. For singular nouns ending in s and ss , you still add ‘s for the possessive: I looked under all the bus’s seats; My boss’s coffee cup is always full; The princess’s slipper fit her perfectly. The plurals in #5 are buses, bosses, and princesses .The plural possessive of the nouns in #5 are buses’, bosses’, princesses’ . We don’t add another s because of the way we pronounce them. We pronounce the  singular possessives, plurals, and the plural possessives the same way, but we spell them differently (compare #5 and #6): The princess’s slipper fits perfectly. The princesses are in the front float of the parade. The princesses’ dresses are hand-made. When a person’s first name (or last name)  ends in s , we usually add ‘s to make it possessive, but generally we go by the pronunciation: Frederick Douglass’s biography is in the school library. James’s backpack is on the table. Myles’ backpack is on the table could also be Myles’s backpack is on the table. It depends if you want to pronounce it with one or two syllables. ( Myles’ has one syllable; Myles’s has two.)Last names are made plural the same way any other nouns are:  Jefferson = the Jeffersons; Garcia = the Garcias; Jones = the Joneses; Glass= the Glasses. What about last name possessives? That is Mrs. Jefferson’s car. That is the Jeffersons’ house; That is Mrs. Garcia’s car. That is the Garcias’ car. That is Mrs. Jones’s car. That is the Joneses’ house (pronounce with two syllables). That is Mrs. Glass’s car. That is the Glasses’ house.  If you get a house sign, it should probably say The O’Haras , NOT The O’Hara’s .An exception is Jesus , the possessive of which is Jesus’ .Another exception are words that end in es that sounds like ez . These words or names have only an apostrophe in the possessive: Xerses’, Socrates’

 

 

Forget Mom, Dad, Bob, and Sis…

Wow! Mom, Dad, Pop, Bob, Sis, Gig, Lil, Ava, Eve — all these folks have names that are palindromes. A palindrome is a word (or phrase) that is the same spelled forwards or backwards.

Image by crkmaga from Pixabay

So what is a semordnilap? Well, for one thing, it is palindromes spelled backwards. 

A semordnilap is a word (or phrase) that when spelled backwards is a different word (or phrase).  For example, pacer and recap are semordnilaps. 

Here are a few in sentences:

I could tell he was the gateman by his nametag.I don’t think I would want to swap my hands for paws!That must be a regal lager from its high price!I can’t believe I faced the day with decaf instead of espresso.When I am stressed, I need a couple of desserts.

And for those fans of afternoon television, Harpo Studios is owned by Oprah. And that is no coincidence.

One of the top 100 girls’ names of 2020 was Nevaeh. Spell that one backwards.

The term semordnilap first appeared in C.C. Bombaugh’s 1961 book, Oddities and Curiosities of Words and Literature.

Here are a few more:

I think I repaid you for the diaper box I brought you.How can we live with such evil?The engineers were mad when the dam broke. Right, madam?He didn’t want to deliver his speech for fear of being reviled.

When two “semos” are joined, they will always result in a palindromic phrase: Try some of this edam made in The Netherlands.

A couple of other fun facts:

A calendrome is a palindromic date: 2/15/12 or 2002The longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary is tattarrattat.  It is an interjection coined by James Joyce, and is “a knock on the door.”

Wow! So what is the word for a palindrome that is another palindrome when you turn the letters upside down??????

 

 

Don’t Take This “Laying” Down!

I am at the Florida Authors and Publishers Conference (FAPACon) in Orlando this weekend, so here is a little blast from the past I hope you enjoy. I will be back with more grammar next week!

To lie and to lay are present tense verb forms. Let’s forget about the definition of lie that means not telling the truth. We are talking about the reclining kind here.

Image by J.M. Lee from Pixabay

Grammatically speaking, lie is an intransitive verb, meaning it takes no direct object after it. A direct object is a noun (person, place, thing, or idea) or pronoun (takes the place of a noun, e.g., him, her, me, it, them) that receives the action of the verb. Lay, on the other hand is transitive and does take a direct object. 

What does this mean in “regular” terms? You must lay something or someone down. Now, most people don’t use lie and lay at all for present tense because it sounds odd; instead they use a variation of the present tense (progressive present tense, using the present participle form). Here are some examples of using lay and lie and of using the more common progressive tense (-ing).

I lie on my hammock. (present tense; lie is correct because there is no noun or pronoun directly after lie) I lay my book on the hammock. (present tense; lay is correct because you are laying something: book)I am lying on my hammock while I talk on the phone. (More common present tense using -ing)I am laying my book on the hammock while I get my lunch in the house.  (More common present tense)

Things can also lie, not just people:

A pile of rocks is lying on the side of the road.They are laying a pile of rocks on the side of the road. (Laying a pile: has a direct object)The dog is lying in the sun.The dog is laying his bone in the doghouse. (Laying his bone: has a direct object)

Now, that is easy enough. So let’s go to the past tense. What did I do maybe yesterday? The past tense of lie is lay. Yup. Confusing. The past tense of lay is laid. Not so confusing. 

Yesterday, I lay in my hammock all day.  (Past tense of lie)Yesterday, I laid tile in my bathroom (Past tense of lay because there is a direct object: tile)

Now, let’s go to the past participle. That is the form we use with have, had or will have in front of it. Actually, many people don’t use these tenses at all, especially in speech, where things are often more casual. However, here we go. The past participle of lie is lain, even thought many people have never heard of it. I am not sure I have ever used it. And the past participle of lay is laid, which is a lot easier to remember.

I have lain on this hammock for three hours.She has lain in the sun too long!She will have lain in the sun for three hours by the time we need to leave for dinner.I have never laid tile before.

Okay. I am going to give you a trick you can use. Subsitute the word “place” for your lay or lie. If place works, you use lay or its variations: is laying, was laying, have been laying, had been laying, laid, have laid, had laid, etc. If place doesn’t work, it is the lie verb you need.

I lie down.

I am lying down. (present participle: lying)

Yesterday I lay down.

Every day this week I have lain down.

I had just lain down when the doorbell rang.

Got it? But wait, there is more. And this “more” is never written about for some reason. It is a rule I never thought about before because is doesn’t usually come up — but it does with lie.

What about the past tenses that use -ing (past progressive)? Was I laying down yesterday or was I lying down yesterday? It is simple past tense (although progressive using the -ing) so should it be was laying? But obviously that isn’t right because was laying belongs to lay. Argh!!!!! Well, if you think about it, we always use the present participle for those tenses: I was running, not I was ranning; I was swimming, not I was swamming. And I was lying down, not I was laying down.

Back to the trick I gave you above: I was placing down yesterday. The trick doesn’t work. So with the verb lie, in the tenses that use -ing, it is always still lie.

I am lying down.I was lying down.I have been lying down.I had been lying down.I will have been lying down.

Versus

I am laying my books down.I was laying my books down.I have been laying my books down.I had been laying my books down.I will have been laying my books down.

So that is apparently why most people never use or need the past tense of lie (lay) or the past participle of lie (lain): we usually speak in the past using an -ing tense. 

 

 

 

 

Busy Writing…And Not

I am very busy these days, but how much time do I spend writing?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I tend to stay away from too many “biographical” posts, but this is one of those.

It is often on my mind that my last grammar book came out in September 2018. That is a long time ago! Then I realize that my dating memoir came out in 2021, and I don’t feel so bad. And I wrote a romance novel last November for National Novel Writing Month. I am in the editing/second draft stage, but it is taking me forever. Weeks go by without my touching it. Why?

I am not up to my usual writing speed. This could be partly because, after all,  how many grammar books can one person produce? However, I have been planning for years to write a business-writing book. Where is that book? Nowhere  much– yet — although I have a few scribbles written in preparation of writing it. 

Since my first book came out in May 2010, and I have 14 finished books, I am a little behind my former speed. And I seem to be so much busier now, even though I had a full-time teaching job when I wrote my first book, and a 60% teaching job after that through 2015.

I intended to write one book when I started. Then, I just don’t know what happened. The book did quite well, especially for an independently published book. Maybe that spurred me on:

The Best Little Grammar Book Ever: That was going to be it. Correct Me If I’m Wrong: A friend of mine had a dream that I wrote a book by that title, so I decided to do just that.Beyond Worksheets: My student teacher told me I should put my grammar lesson plans into a book, so I did that.The Great Grammar Cheat Sheet: An even littler book was needed for those who wanted some fast tips.The Best Grammar Workbook Ever: I heard workbooks did well. Best idea I ever had!!!!!I Wrote a Book. Now What? I thought I would put all the knowledge I had gained abut publishing your own book into a publishing guide. I have since taken it off the market because things changed over at Amazon several years ago, and it wasn’t doing well enough to spend time updating it. Girls of a Feather: My first novel, which I wrote for National Novel Writing Month in 2011 (called Trashy Novel in its first iteration, but I renamed it with a new cover and released it again later).The Best Little Grammar Book Ever, Second Edition: Grammar changes, so I updated that first book.The Best Little Grammar Workbook Ever: I thought  a smaller workbook was in order, one to accompany the second edition of the grammar book.Does Your Flamingo Flamenco? So many confused word pairs, so I thought this would be a useful book: affect/effect, lie/lay, loath/loathe, etc.The Best Little Grammar Collection: I wanted a boxed set, so I put the preceding three books together in one binding. You cannot actually have a boxed set if you have print on demand.Fifty Shades of Grammar: This blog began at the beginning of 2013, so a few years after it started, I put 50 of my favorite posts in a book. Time for another one!To Comma or Not to Comma: A book on punctuation was definitely needed.When Life Hands You Frogs: The dating memoir friends had been urging me to write.

And next, my romance novel, if I can get it into shape. The only thing I consistently write these days are these blog posts, which have now been going weekly for nine years. So if you have any ideas or topics you would like to read about, please let me know! Or, of course, if you would like to write a guest post.

So, why don’t I have any time to write? The answer is that everyone has time to write if they prioritize it. Why don’t they prioritize it? Lots of reasons: fear they won’t succeed, life getting in the way. You name it. 

But thinking about it, I do have a lot to do, although much of it is my own doing. (And I am not complaining. My sales are good, so I am doing OK — for now.)

Since I own a home and live alone (with my dog), I have to do everything myself. Thank goodness I do not have to mow or trim the bushes, but I do have to do the laundry, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, the cooking (or whatever you call my brand of food preparation!), and whatever I need to do to keep the outside looking nice.I have to take care of my dog. Feed her, walk her, take her out, take her to the vet, make sure she has food, treats, poop bags. I don’t consider myself a social person, and I tend to be an introvert, but I belong to all kinds of clubs, political and book-related. And I am on the board of two of them as secretary. So I have two board meetings a month (some virtual, some not) that I have to take notes at and then prepare final reports. Then I have three other meetings a month, virtual and in-person. In Florida, where I live now, you need “people” to do things: I have the air conditioning people (coming next week), the bug people (just came), the water treatment people (just came), and then I had the floor people clean the tiles and the carpets last week.My daughter and son-in-law live down the road, ten minutes away (which is why I am here in the first place), so  sometimes I watch their two dogs or socialize with them.I am expecting my first grandchild, so I am knitting (and shopping).I have a publishing conference to attend next weekend, a board retreat in October, and another conference I haven’t decided about in October.I have a son to visit in California.I do like to have lunch with friends on occasion!I get lots of e-mails, mostly business, and spend time on social media, both business and not, every day. My book business includes keeping the records, checking sales, making sure no one hacks my bank accounts. I work on these things an hour or two every morning. I love to read, so I have to set aside time for that.Then there is exercise, which I try to do every day.Then there is shopping for necessities, like paper towels, etc., which takes time whether online or not.Maintenance: car repairs, getting gas, hair, nails, doctors’ appointments.VolunteeringTV (gotta do some of that)

It’s a lot, isn’t it? And I am lucky I am able to do all of it, and most of it, I really enjoy! And I promise that romance novel will be out “soon,” and that business writing book will follow!

ESL Lessons

I am happy to present this post by Lorraine Segal, excerpts from her memoir, Angels and Earthworms.

After surviving the ’50s and ’60s, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to start her own business, Conflict Remedy, happily teaching, coaching, blogging, and consulting around workplace conflict transformation. She is addicted to reading novels and enjoys walking in beautiful Northern California, where she lives with her wife. Her cartoon muse, Bookie, insisted that she write her memoir, Angels and Earthworms. For more information go to https://BooklingPress.com

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ESL Lessons

The Novice (teacher)

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

            I had the opportunity, after a couple of semesters of instruction under my belt, to get actual teaching experience at the American Language Institute (ALI), an intensive language program for foreign students improving their English skills for later university studies. The ALI hired graduate students in the TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Language) Master’s program.

            I will always remember my first five minutes of teaching in front of a real class. The teacher asked me to prepare a short lesson on adjective clauses. It took me hours to study adjective clauses and prepare a short script (which I wrote out word for word) with an explanation, examples to write on the board, and a short exercise. I had only been up at the board for five seconds when a student asked a question I couldn’t answer. I had no idea what to do. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.

            All these years later, I know that if someone asks a question I can’t answer, I just calmly say “Hmm. Good question. I’ll have to check on that and get back to you.” But at the time, I thought my teaching career had ended before it started.

            Teaching at the American Language Institute, I also learned about the art of writing on the blackboard. You weren’t supposed to fully turn your back on the class, so there was a precise and twisted angle to your body, so you could keep an eye on the class AND write on the board AND keep talking at the same time.

 

Chalk Triumphant

            I was also fascinated with chalk and how to use it correctly on the blackboard. This was before white boards or smart boards. I remember an adjective clause exercise I created that was all about chalk, and ended with one of my characters creating a sculpture called “Chalk Triumphant.”

            This obsession was reinforced by my mentor teacher when he observed me teach. He was taking notes the entire time he was observing me, and I couldn’t imagine what he was writing at such great length. At the end of the class, he gave me his notes and he hadn’t written anything! Instead, he had made a detailed drawing, complete with arrows and arcs, of the correct angle at which to hold the chalk so it wouldn’t squeak!

 

Overworked and Underloved

The worst part of being an adjunct (freeway flyer) was the uncertainty, overwork, and constant commuting. It was like running a marathon all the time. I never knew which classes I would actually teach because the college administrations could cancel them without notice and not pay me anything if they didn’t enroll enough students. I was always taking on more work than I could really manage, hoping that the right number of classes would come through. And I still had to prepare for all the classes even if they were later cancelled.

For example, one semester I was working six days a week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I taught at Laney College in Oakland in the morning, and then went to City College in San Francisco in the afternoon, about an hour and a quarter commute, and then back to Laney at night. Other days, I went to City College and then Contra Costa College, which was in San Pablo, forty minutes north of Oakland.

I never had Spring Break because different schools had their vacation in different weeks. And I couldn’t afford to take summers off.

One semester, I took on a Saturday class at City College because if another class had canceled, I wouldn’t earn enough to live on. It was a brutal schedule. If I thought about how long it would be until my next day off, I couldn’t function. I became very ill at one point from overwork and stress. And I spent as much time commuting as I did teaching.

During the seven years I was an adjunct, I taught at seven different schools, including City College of San Francisco, Golden Gate University, Laney College in Oakland, Contra Costa College in San Pablo, St. Mary’s College in Moraga, Adelante Adult School in Berkeley, and Albany Adult School, in Albany just north of Berkeley. I loved teaching, but being an adjunct was an exhausting way to earn a living.

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25 of the Weirdest Phobias

Phobia – from the Greek phobos, meaning fear.

Many of us, probably most of us, have phobias. I have spheksophobia, the fear of wasps. I am sure I have several more as well. There are hundreds of phobias. Some are common and well known. Others appear to have simply been made up and are more sensationalist phobias, but I am sure at least someone somewhere suffers from each of these phobias.

This is not anywhere near a complete list, but these phobias are certainly unusual:

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinionsAnablephobia- Fear of looking upAsymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical thingsCathisophobia- Fear of sittingChirophobia- Fear of handsConsecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticksDikephobia- Fear of justiceEpistemophobia- Fear of knowledgeGenuphobia- Fear of kneesKoinoniphobia- Fear of roomsLeukophobia- Fear of the color whiteLevophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the bodyMelophobia- Fear or hatred of musicNomatophobia- Fear of namesOmphalophobia- Fear of belly buttonsOptophobia- Fear of opening one’s eyesPanophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everythingPhilosophobia- Fear of philosophyPhronemophobia- Fear of thinkingPteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathersSitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food or eatingTheatrophobia- Fear of theatresVerbophobia- Fear of wordsXylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) ForestsZemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat

 

Phobia implies an irrational fear. There are some things that most of us are afraid of to some extent:

Antlophobia- Fear of floodsAtomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosionsAviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flyingCancerophobia or Carcinophobia- Fear of cancerEnochlophobia- Fear of crowdsEremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonelinessFelinophobia- Fear of catsGelotophobia- Fear of being laughed atGerascophobia- Fear of growing oldHerpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly thingsHoplophobia- Fear of firearmsLilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanesNosocomephobia- Fear of hospitalsOphidiophobia- Fear of snakesSocial Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situationsSpectrophobia- Fear of specters or ghosts

Episodic Memoir in a Flash

Image by yogesh more from PixabayI am delighted to present this guest post by author and journalist SHERI GRAVES.

 

Sheri Graves is a writer and editor with decades of experience, starting with over 42 years as a reporter and copy editor for The Press Democrat in Santa Rosa, CA. Her first novel, Deep Doo-Doo , won the 2015 National Indie Excellence Award for Crime Fiction. She taught memoir writing for seven years and is now a freelance memoir-writing coach. She also does freelance research, writing, and editing from her home in Santa Rosa.  Check out her book on Amazon.

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The biggest mistake most people make in writing memoir is to try to write the whole story-arc of their life all at once. That’s a gigantic chore and one that likely won’t end well.

It is much easier on both writer and reader if your life story is broken down into individual essays of no more than 1,500 to 2,000 words each. Actually, it can be as short as 500 words.

This memoir writing style is called “Episodic Memoir” or “Flash Memoir” and is a way to keep the reader engaged. Who is your reader? Family, friends, anyone of any age?

Don’t waste time in the beginning by setting the stage for the story to come. Many a reader falls asleep during the setup and never actually gets to the story itself. Do mention the date or at least the year this event took place; work it into a sentence casually.

Say you want to write a story about the time you went on a charter boat and came home with a 22-pound salmon. Here’s a gripping tale than can be told in exciting action-writing by opening in the middle of the catch:

“The fish fought violently for its freedom, dragging me back and forth, port to starboard, starboard to port, as it repeatedly swam under the belly of the boat. I thought my arms were being pulled from my shoulder sockets.”

One or two more short paragraphs of the battle, continuing to build tension, will make a thrilling opener for this memoir. Then, in the middle of the action, you pull the reader away from the scene to do the setup:

“I began to wonder how I had gotten myself into such a predicament. Slip-sliding across the deck while other fishermen scurried out of my way, I remembered that seemingly innocuous dinner conversation a couple of nights earlier, on Father’s Day 1992, when Tom mentioned he was planning to go salmon fishing on a charter out of Tiburon.”

Here is where you insert crisp dialogue:

“Ah, you’d love it!” Tom said with a roaring laugh as he slapped his meaty hand on the tabletop. “Come with me!”

“But I have never been fishing in my life! I have never baited a hook. I have never cast a line into the ocean. I don’t even have a fishing pole,” I said.

“Don’t worry about that,” he assured me. “I’ll help you. I have poles and line of different weights. We’ll get bait on the way to the dock. I’ll bait your hook, and all you have to do is drop it over the side. I’ll measure out the depth. When a fish grabs the bait, just pull him in!”

Now you return to the battle with the salmon:

“Yeah, I thought. ‘Just pull him in!’ HOW? Who would ever think a salmon could be stronger than a human?

I was out of breath when the fish decided on a different tack. He began swimming from bow to stern and stern to bow, making me run the length of the boat over and over again until I kept stumbling, sliding, and occasionally landing flat on my butt.

“Want me to help?” Tom yelled as I scrambled past him one more time.

“No!” I growled in my loudest voice. I flashed him the dirtiest look I could muster.

Here you insert two or three paragraphs about Tom—when, where, and how you met, various succinct details about your friendship. Then you return to the battle with the fish and wrap it up quickly with you reeling in the catch after a 45-minute fight. You write about the boat workers taking, weighing, and cleaning the fish before placing it into a plastic bag with your name on it and dropping the bag into an ice chest.

You finish off the story with two or three paragraphs about how exhausted yet exhilarated you felt, how a cold beer (name the brand) tasted so good after the battle, how Tom smiled broadly  in approval, and how you did it all over again and went home with two fresh-caught salmon. Be sure to say one weighed 22 pounds and the second was just over 15 pounds. Throw in a mention about the weather and the waves and how wobbly your legs were when you finally set foot on land again.

This format will work with just about any episodic memoir, even when there is no thrilling battle in the story. There is a moment of tension somewhere in that memory, or the event wouldn’t seem important enough to write.

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Mondegreens: What Did I Hear?

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Remember when you were in elementary school, and the first person in the class whispered in your ear, “Miss Watson is skinny. Pass it on”? And by the time the last person in the class heard it,  the sentence had changed to, “Your mother wears Army boots”? I believe that game was called Rumor. Well, that is sort of what a mondegreen is: misheard words. Before we continue, let’s differentiate between mondegreens and malapropisms.

Malapropism – Something that is pronounced incorrectly. Mondegreen – Something that  is heard incorrectly,

Most mondegreens seem to be song lyrics because they are listened to, but usually not seen and read.  But words, idioms, and phrases can  be misheard and repeated  incorrectly too.

If you are unfamiliar with the words to our national anthem, you might interpret the beginning as, “Jose, can you see . . . .” 

Here are some examples of mondegreens: The person is saying or singing the correct things, but the listener hears something else.

chest of drawers (it’s a bureau for you youngins) – heard as Chester Drawers (who is he???)intents and purposes – heard as intensive purposesnipped in the bud – heard as nipped in the butteuthanasia – heard as youth in Asiait’s a dog-eat-dog world – heard as it’s a doggy dog worldSistine Chapel – heard as Sixteenth Chapelstatute of limitations – heard as statue of limitationsCreedence Clearwater singing, “There’s a bad moon on the rise” – heard as, “There’s a bathroom on the right”Jimi Hendrix singing, “Excuse me while I kiss the sky” – heard as,“Excuse me while I kiss this guy”Bob Dylan singing, “The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind – heard as, “The ants are my friends; they’re blowin’ in the wind”Maria Muldaur singing, “Midnight at the oasis” – heard as, “Midnight after you’re wasted”The Beatles singing, “The girl with kaleidoscope eyes” – heard as, “The girl with colitis goes by”Chumbawumba singing, “I get knocked down but I get up again”  – heard as, “I got no towel; I hung it up again”Crystal Gayle singing, “Don’t it make my brown eyes blue” – heard as, “Donuts make my brown eyes blue”Juice Newton singing, “Just touch my cheek before you leave me, Baby,” – heard as, “Just brush my teeth before y0u leave me, Baby”Elton John singing, “Hold me closer, tiny dancer ” – heard as, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza”Sir Mix-A-Lot singing, “I like big butts and I can not lie” – heard as, “I like big butts in a can of limes”Queen singing,”Kicking your can all over the place” – heard as, “Kicking your cat all over the place”CeeLo Green singing, “I guess he’s an Xbox, and I’m more Atari” – heard as, “I guess he’s an expert, and I’m more an attorney”Eddie Money singing, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” – heard as, “I’ve got two chickens to paralyze”

Origin of the word mondegreen?

The term was coined in Harper’s Bazaar in November 1954.  In an article, Sylvia Wright recalled a childhood mishearing. When she was young, her mother would read a poem to her. The words were, “Ye Highland and Ye Lowlands / Oh where have you been? / They have slain the Earl o’Moray / And laid him on the green.” Wright, however, heard the last line as “And Lady Mondegreen.”