Rob Smyth's Blog, page 126

August 31, 2019

Southampton 1-1 Manchester United: Premier League – as it happened

Daniel James’ blistering early goal was cancelled out by Jannik Vestergaard as 10-man Southampton held on to frustrate United at St Mary’s

2.52pm BST

That’s it for today’s blog. I’ll leave you with Ben Fisher’s report from St Mary’s - bye!

2.46pm BST

Here’s Ole Gunnar Solskjaer “We started off well, got the game exactly where we wanted it, and when that happens we need to finish it off. We weren’t clinical enough.

“Daniel has got a great strike in him; he’s really made an impact for us and I’m delighted for the boy.

2.40pm BST

Here’s Ralph Hassenhuttl “It was our third game of the week and we had 10 men for the last 20 minutes. It’s an unbelievable performance mentally from my team and I can only raise my hat to them.”

2.30pm BST

There’s plenty more where that soccer action came from. Join Michael Butler for all the 3pm games.

2.27pm BST

So, the Premier League Crisis Baton™ stays in Manchester United’s hands. There were some plusses, James and Wan-Bissaka in particular, but they are limited in too many area. They need a minimum of two years under the same manager before they will be of potential interest to trophy engravers.

2.25pm BST

Peep peep! Southampton’s ten men hold on to earn a deserved point, and Ralph Hassenhuttl clenches his first in triumph.

2.23pm BST

90+5 min Cedric is back on, although he’s unable to run properly.

2.22pm BST

90+4 min Young is booked for dissent, presumably for suggesting Cedric should get up. He is clearly in a lot of pain. I think James accidentally studded him on the ankle when he messed up that cross. Southampton are down to nine men.

2.21pm BST

90+3 min James tries to cross, slices it behind for a goalkick with his standing foot and follows through into Cedric. He takes the opportunity to kill some time, though I think he’s genuinely in pain.

2.20pm BST

90+2 min There will be plenty of criticism for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer after this, but it’s worth pointing out that United’s three best players have been his summer signings. He’s trying to do the right things by prioritising youth, and if everyone is patient (they won’t be), I think he’ll be a success at United.

2.19pm BST

90+1 min Four minutes of added time. Southampton are hanging on desperately.

2.18pm BST

90 min Greenwood’s cross is headed behind for a corner. United look so much quicker with him as the right-sided attacker.

2.17pm BST

89 min James’s cross is headed clear from inside the six-yard box by Yoshida, and then Young flashes a blistering shot just wide from 25 yards. That was a lovely effort, reminiscent of his goal against Arsenal in the 8-2 all those years ago.

2.17pm BST

88 min: Good effort from Greenwood! He marched towards the area, did a couple of stepovers and curled a fine left-footed shot towards the far post that was palmed away by Gunn.

2.16pm BST

87 min Lingard curls wide from 20 yards.

2.15pm BST

86 min James plays a neat one-two with Pogba and stabs a lovely cross that flashes across the six-yard box. Moments later, Greenwood goes down in the area and is accused of diving by the Southampton players. There’s a VAR check, and no penalty is given. I thought Armstrong kicked the bottom of Greenwood’s foot, though whether it was a clear and obvious error is debatable. I’d like to see that again.

2.13pm BST

84 min Lingard surges towards the area, spots Greenwood is in all kinds of space on the right, and wallops the ball straight at Vestergaard.

2.11pm BST

83 min: Chance for Rashford! Pogba picks up a loose ball 30 yards from goal and slides a pass into the area for Rashford, whose first-time shot from a tightish angle is kicked away by Gunn.

2.10pm BST

82 min The precocious teenager Mason Greenwood replaces Scott McTominay.

2.09pm BST

81 min Southampton have parked the bus, understandably so, and there’s no suggestion that United have the wit to break them down. James curls a cross straight out of play.

2.09pm BST

80 min “Christ, Rob,” says Duncan Edwards. “I’ve watched them since 1966 and I’ve seen more Manchester United passes go straight into touch in this game than the other 53 years.”

How much did it cost to have the last two months of the 1988-89 season expunged from your memory?

2.07pm BST

79 min Wan-Bissaka’s dangerous cross flashes right across the six-yard box, just too far in front of Rashford.

2.05pm BST

77 min Ralph Hassenhuttl reconfigures his 10-man team, bringing on the defender Maya Yoshida for Danny Ings.

2.04pm BST

76 min “At what stage do reporters and pundits stop claiming Pogba is a world class talent and admit that he’s not progressing at all?” says David Flynn. “It’s all well and good being in the Juve midfield beside Pirlo at a time when there was no other competition in Serie A. But he’s very rarely delivered for United with any consistency and to my mind he was the most disposable player in the French attack during the World Cup.”

To be fair to the 26-year-old, he’s got great potential.

2.03pm BST

75 min A unique one-two from Manchester United. Wan-Bissaka crosses deep towards James, who slices a volley straight back to Wan-Bissaka on the touchline.

2.02pm BST

74 min Pogba drives a low cross towards James, who moves away from Cedric and hits a stinging left-footed shot that is beaten away by Gunn.

2.01pm BST

73 min Danso gets a second yellow card for a spectacularly ill-conceived hack at McTominay.

1.59pm BST

71 min United’s football has been so pedestrian in this half. The absence of Martial doesn’t help, but it’s still not great. Meanwhile, the lively Sofiane Boufal is replaced by Stuart Armstrong.

1.58pm BST

69 min After a long spell of possession from Manchester United, Nemanja Matic shoots from 25 yards, and that’s the end of that.

1.56pm BST

69 min “At what point,” says Neill Brown, “does Marcus Rashford leave Utd for a club that matches his talent & ambition?”

Can he join two different clubs at the same time?

1.55pm BST

68 min A double change for United: Pereira and Mata off, Lingard and Matic on.

1.54pm BST

66 min Hojbjerg blooters over the bar from distance.

1.53pm BST

65 min Pogba beats Romeu with a majestic Cruyff turn and slides a nice pass down the side towards Rashford, whose first-time shot is superbly blocked by the lunging Vestergaard.

1.52pm BST

64 min United are struggling in attack. Mata and James have had their moments, but Rashford, Pereira and Pogba have been poor.

1.51pm BST

63 min Maguire heads the corner as far as Boufal, whose shot is blocked by McTominay, again with his arms behind his back.

1.51pm BST

63 min Boufal’s superb cross from the left is headed behind by Young. Ward-Prowse will take the corner...

1.49pm BST

61 min Southampton make their first change, with Shane Long replacing Che Adams.

1.49pm BST

60 min “That air shot was by Mata,” says Pete Taylor. “Leave Pereira alone Rob.”

My point exactly.

1.47pm BST

United have been asking for trouble since around the half-hour mark, and now they’ve got it. Ward-Prowse’s corner was headed towards goal by Ings and punched away by De Gea. The ball came to Danso on the right wing, and he stood up a teasing first-time cross towards the far post. Vestergaaard towered over Lindelof on the six-yard line and headed into the corner. It’s his first Southampton goal.

1.46pm BST

58 min Southampton are having probably their best spell of the match. And now they’ve scored!

1.44pm BST

55 min: Adams misses a great chance! After a good move involving Ward-Prowse, Boufal eased an inviting pass across the area to Adams, eight yards from goal. He let the ball run across his body, drew back his right foot... and spanked his shot wide of the near post.

1.42pm BST

54 min A miserable air shot from Pereira prompts a schadenfreudian roar from the home fans. I’m not sure Pereira is good enough at this level, certainly not as a right-sided attacker.

1.40pm BST

51 min Manchester United are given a dubious corner when Rashford kicks the ball out of play. Happily for Mike Dean, it doesn’t result in a goal.

1.39pm BST

50 min Gunn makes an important save from Rashford. He ran onto a very long pass from Lindelof, escaped the covering Bednarek and flicked a close-range shot that was blocked by Gunn.

1.37pm BST

49 min Ashley Young is limping, which is a blow for one of the teams.

1.36pm BST

48 min It’s been a very scruffy start to the second half from both sides.

1.33pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Manchester United get the second half under way.

1.19pm BST

Half-time reading

1.18pm BST

Peep peep! Manchester United lead through Daniel James’ emphatic early goal. They’ve been slightly the better team in an untidy game, but Southampton started to improve as half-time approached. See you in 10 minutes.

1.16pm BST

45 min Two minutes of added time. Cedric plays a good pass into the area for Ward-Prowse, who is robbed by the diligent James.

1.14pm BST

44 min United have become sloppy in the last 10 or 15 minutes, and Maguire has started to administer a few polite rollockings.

1.13pm BST

43 min Rashford ruins a promising break by passing the ball towards James, and straight out of play.

1.11pm BST

41 min Maguire appeals unsuccessfully for a yellow card after a dive from Adams.

1.10pm BST

40 min Maguire is booked for a late tackle on Adams. That aside, he’s been excellent, especially in possession.

1.09pm BST

39 min The mood of this match has changed, and crucially the Southampton crowd have been more involved in the last few minutes.

1.08pm BST

37 min Ings bursts down the right and cuts a clever, long cross back to Boufal at the far post. He chests it down, moves inside Wan-Bissaka and whips a shot that is excellently blocked by McTominay, who attacked the ball with his arms behind his back so that he couldn’t be penalised for handball.

1.06pm BST

36 min A better spell for Southampton. Ings shoots well wide from distance, and then Romeu’s long-range shot is blocked.

1.03pm BST

33 min Boufal tries to run Wan-Bissaka, who matches him for pace and makes a majestic tackle. He looks so good in one-against-one situations.

1.02pm BST

32 min Mata drags a cross-shot well wide from the edge of the area. Manchester United are still well on top, although that was the case at this stage of their last away game at Wolves.

1.00pm BST

31 min Vestergaard hoofs a clearance straight into the side of Mike Dean, prompting the biggest cheer of the afternoon so far.

1.00pm BST

29 min Danso’s long throw is punched away unconvincingly by De Gea and headed further away by Lindelof.

12.59pm BST

28 min Rashford makes a complete mess of a header, six yards out, from James’s cross. No matter: he’d been flagged offside, rightly this time.

12.58pm BST

27 min Mata clips another nice pass over the top for Rashford, who bursts down the right and wallops a low cross towards the near post. It’s blocked at the near post and put behind for a corner.

12.57pm BST

27 min “I agree with Hubert about missing the rivalry with United (although I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t enjoyed some of their post-Fergie travails...), but the problem goes so much deeper than Woodward,” says Matt Dony. “He’s simply not a ‘football man.’ But, he is a businessman, at the head of a massive business empire. In that context, he’s done his job magnificently. We can all laugh at strategic partnerships with dried noodle manufacturers, but they’ve brought in a helluva lot of money. And that’s a large part of his job. It’s astonishing that they still haven’t appointed a Director of Football, though, to take the football issues away from Woodward.”

Yes, all evidence suggests he’s a genius at that side of the job. And in the current climate at Old Trafford, that is more important than the pesky football.

12.56pm BST

26 min Mata is having a good game. He’s a very different No10 to Jesse Lingard, and there have been some typical, understated touches of class.

12.54pm BST

24 min “I remember attending an AC Milan-Juventus match many years ago,” says Giuseppe Donati. “Pogba was a sensation at the time and I was just curious. What I saw back then was a player roaming on the left, quite high on the pitch, mainly moving with the ball and not without, trying to shoot every single time. The feeling was of an arrogant player, deeming himself better than a central midfielder that has to run and tackle. I believe that Mourinho didn’t like his ‘number 10’ mindset either. It would be interesting to know stats about how many kms Pogba runs and balls he shoots into the crowd, versus for example the amazing Eriksen, who runs like mad and still provides quality.”

One of the odd things about Pogba is that he hardly ever shoots anymore. If I had that massive sweet spot below my right ankle, I’d be blootering it towards goal from all angles.

12.52pm BST

22 min Rashford finds James in the D. He gets the ball out of his feet and whacks a rising, curling shot that is slapped away by Gunn. It was a relatively comfortable save, but another good strike from James.

12.51pm BST

21 min Southampton started well but they’ve been a mess in the last few minutes. The groaning has started among the home supporters.

12.50pm BST

19 min Danso is booked for a foul on Pereira.

12.49pm BST

18 min The influential Mata hooks a lovely pass to Wan-Bissaka, who overhits his cross. Moments later, Wan-Bissaka leathers a volley just over the bar. It wouldn’t have counted as he’d been wrongly flagged offside. In fact, that’s one of the worst offside decisions since the days of Nicola Berti.

12.46pm BST

16 min United have passed the ball with more confidence since the goal, James in particular. Their possession play can be too ponderous, though I’m sure that will improve once Solskjaer gets the midfield he wants.

12.45pm BST

Daniel James has now scored as many Premier League goals for Manchester United as Alexis Sanchez.

12.43pm BST

13 min James plays a one-two with Mata and tries another shot from just outside the area. He doesn’t time this season and it dribbles through to Gunn.

12.42pm BST

McTominay found James in a lot of space on the left. He moved into the area, shifted the ball onto his right foot and slammed it into the far top corner. The defending was poor - Cedric was distracted by Mata’s off-the-ball run - but it was a blistering finish.

12.40pm BST

Daniel James gets his third goal in four games, and it’s another cracker!

12.40pm BST

10 min A half-chance for United. Mata eases a pass to Pereira on the edge of the area; he shoots first time but a defender, Bednarek I think, takes the sting out of the shot and it dribbles through to Gunn.

12.39pm BST

10 min Boufal tries a scissor-kick from a tight angle, screwing it across the face of goal. Southampton are on top.

12.39pm BST

9 min “This may sound like random grenade throwing, but in all seriousness what does Ed Woodward have to do in order to get fired?” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Three more than competent managers in a row hired and fired, and leave us face it, if I were Ole I’d rent instead of buying. As a Liverpool fan I miss our old enemy being a threat to win the League and I just don’t see that ever happening with Woodhead, er, Woodward there.”

If the number of worldwide followers drops below 650 million, he’s toast.

12.38pm BST

8 min Boufal receives the ball 25 yards from goal, moves forward and drives a low shot this far wide of the far post. That was a lovely effort.

12.36pm BST

5 min Wan-Bissaka plays a poor pass to Adams just outside the area. Lindelof cleans up the mess. It’s been a vigorous start from Southampton, who are a hard team to beat at St Mary’s if you’re not Liverpool, or Cardiff.

12.34pm BST

4 min James scoots down the left and hits a low cross that is deflected towards Rashford at the near post. He is about to flick the ball towards goal when Vestegaard makes a fine tackle.

12.32pm BST

2 min Southampton press United’s first goalkick, forcing De Gea to go long.

12.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep!

12.30pm BST

“Solskjaer played in the infamous grey kit game at the Dell,” says the BT Sport commentator. Wrong! He did come on in the 6-3 defeat though.

12.30pm BST

“If United really are going to embrace the ‘Crisis’, they may as well do it in style,” says Matt Dony. “Grey shirts? Or a 6-3 loss? Soundtracked by an era-appropriate Slight Return, or something.”

The odd thing about those three consecutive defeats at the Dell is that the one that really mattered is the one nobody remembers.

12.27pm BST

The players are in the tunnel, their gamefaces have been applied. It’s time for some football.

12.19pm BST

“Now,” says Aslan Greer, “I understand how France won the World Cup: by playing 4-3-3-1.”

N’Golo Kante, innit.

12.10pm BST

“What I don’t understand is why no-one seems to try Pogba as a No10,” says Richie Patterson. “He’s obviously amazing on the ball, has a killer pass and scores goals. None of which he can do if he’s having to tackle back as part of a Dm two. Imagine him receiving the ball just behind Martial, Rashford and James and setting them free without having to worry about defensive duties. Fred can then fit in on the left, next to McTom, in his natural position...”

I’m not sure. Isn’t his long passing his greatest strength? I agree 4-2-3-1 isn’t ideal either. The best system for Pogba is 4-3-3, or the 4-3-3-1 that France used at the World Cup.

12.08pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Duncan Edwards. “It’s ironic that after missing consecutive penalties United now face Southampton - the club of arguably the greatest penalty taker of our lifetimes.”

But which one?

11.51am BST

Pre-match reading

11.40am BST

Southampton (4-2-2-2) Gunn; Cedric, Vestergaard, Bednarek, Danso; Hojbjerg, Romeu; Boufal, Ward-Prowse; Ings, Adams.
Substitutes: McCarthy, Yoshida, Stephens, Valery, Armstrong, Long, N’Lundulu

Manchester United (4-2-3-1) De Gea; Wan-Bissaka, Lindelof, Maguire, Young; Pogba, McTominay; Pereira, Mata, James; Rashford.
Substitutes: Romero, Rojo, Tuanzebe, Matic, Lingard, Chong, Greenwood.

11.39am BST

That didn’t take long. Just two games after a stirring 4-0 win over Chelsea, Manchester United are apparently in crisis again. It’s infantile nonsense, of course, which doesn’t deserve the time of the day. But this is the culture football chose, and all the old-fashioned values in the world won’t help Ole Gunnar Solskjaer once the media go for him. The only way he can succeed with his long-term plan is to get enough good results to divert the noise elsewhere.

If United don’t win today, that noise will just get louder. It’s an unspoken rule of modern football that the Premier League must always have at least one club who are In Crisis. And if it’s one of the Big Six, so much the better.

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Published on August 31, 2019 06:52

August 29, 2019

Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend

Watford need points, Everton need goals and Brighton need to be bold

When did Tottenham last play well in a league game? Arguably not since their Boxing Day thrashing of Bournemouth, a win they followed up with a drab home defeat to Wolves three days later. The latter display became far too commonplace as the campaign rolled on, with a light squad wearied by the run to the Champions League final and possibly distracted by Mauricio Pochettino’s grumbling in public. Pochettino has seemed unsettled for a while and last weekend’s defeat by Newcastle means Tottenham have lost 15 league games in 2019.

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Published on August 29, 2019 16:01

Wolves 2-1 Torino (agg 5-3): Europa League qualifying play-off second leg – as it happened

Raul Jimenez scored his sixth goal in this season’s Europa League as Wolves eliminated a decent Italian side and moved into the group stage

Report: Wolves secure group-stage place

10.14pm BST

That’s it for tonight’s blog. I’ll leave you with the brilliant Paul Doyle’s match report from Molineux. Bye!

9.42pm BST

Yes, Rangers are through.

9.39pm BST

It looks like Rangers will join Celtic, Wolves and others in tomorrow’s Europa League draw. Alfredo Morelos’s injury-time goal has put them 1-0 up on aggregate against Legia Warsaw.

9.36pm BST

Peep peep! Wolves are into the group stage of the Europa League! Torino finished strongly, but for the most part Wolves were comfortable in defence and dangerous on the counter-attack. They have deservedly eliminated a decent Italian side, and they and their supporters will add a lot to this competition.

9.34pm BST

90+2 min Another Wolves change: Neto on, Raul Jimenez off. He is pure gold, Jimenez, and the Wolves fans give him a lovely ovation as he leaves the field.

9.32pm BST

90 min Ruben Neves replaces Joao Moutinho. There will be four minutes of additional time.

9.32pm BST

90 min Another chance for Torino! After an almighty scramble on the edge of the area, Belotti turns beautifully away from Coady but has to stretch to take the shot and can only slice it wide.

9.30pm BST

88 min Millico scurries into the area before mishitting a low shot that is blocked by the sliding Coady. Torino are going down swinging.

9.29pm BST

86 min A great chance at the other end, with the substitute Meite running onto Belotti’s neat flick and slapping a shot this far wide from 16 yards.

9.28pm BST

86 min Sirigu makes an outstanding save, plunging to his right to palm away a low shot from Dendoncker. He played a lovely one-two on the edge with Jimenez, moved the ball onto his left foot and drove the ball towards goal. Sirigu did extremely well to keep it out.

9.26pm BST

84 min Torino are running out of time. They need two goals in eight or nine minutes.

9.24pm BST

82 min Torino make their third change, with Zaza replaced by Vincenzo Millico.

9.23pm BST

81 min Wolves make a change, with Patrick Cutrone replacing Diogo Jota.

9.23pm BST

81 min Wolves are starting to look a litttle edgy, especially at set pieces. After a bit of a scramble in the area, Zaza flicks the ball up and slices an overhead kick over the bar.

9.22pm BST

79 min Simone Zaza moves onto his left foot and hammers an excellent 25-yard shot that takes a slight deflection and flashes just past the post. I think Rui Patricio had it covered.

9.19pm BST

77 min The Wolves players and fans enjoy a long period of olé football. There’s a party atmosphere, even though Torino only need two goals to force extra-time.

9.16pm BST

74 min For the umpteenth time tonight, a scintillating run from Traore leads to a corner for Wolves. Moutinho’s outswinger is headed down by Boly and bounces around the box before being cleared.

9.15pm BST

73 min Diogo Jota seems fine. He’s been Wolves’ best player, just ahead of Traore and Coady.

9.14pm BST

72 min Another Torino change: Tomas Rincon is replaced by Soualiho Meite.

9.14pm BST

71 min Diogo Jota is receiving treatment after being taken out off the ball by Rincon. He’s lucky not to be booked for that.

9.13pm BST

70 min Torino make their first change: Temitayo Aina is replaced by Alex Berenguer.

9.09pm BST

66 min Aina’s long throw bounces across the Wolves area and is headed clear by Jonny. Most of Torino’s best moments have been from dead balls, including the goal.

9.05pm BST

62 min Bremer is booked for hoofing the superb Diogo Jota. Torino haven’t been able to handle him.

9.02pm BST

59 min The Wolves goal doesn’t change the fact Torino need to score three. But it means that, if it ends 3-2, the match will go extra-time. Had Torino won 3-1 they would have gone through.

9.01pm BST

Wolves take the lead almost straight from the kick-off! Diogo Jota wriggled through and smashed a low shot that was beaten away by Sirigu. It rebounded to Dendoncker, who sidefooted the loose ball in off the post from 15 yards.

9.00pm BST

And it leads to a goal! Baselli flashed the free-kick towards the near post, where Belotti steered a good header past Rui Patricio from six yards.

8.59pm BST

57 min Belotti is fouled just outside the area, a fair way to the left of centre. Baselli will take the free-kick...

8.57pm BST

55 min Traore skins Aina again and wins a corner.

8.56pm BST

53 min Torino continue to dominate possession, but it’s a classic example of sterile domination. Wolves have been the better team, whatever the possession statistics may say.

8.53pm BST

51 min Good save from Rui Patricio. Torino had a free-kick on the left wing, which Baselli curled towards the far top corner. Rui Patricio leapt to his left to fingertip it behind.

8.51pm BST

48 min Lukic is booked for a cynical foul on Diogo Jota, who had surged past a couple of Torino players near the halfway line.

8.47pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Wolves begin the second half.

8.44pm BST

“It’s worth staying up for the highlights of FC Antwerp - AZ Alkmaar,” says Maarten Logghe. “You’ll be able to enjoy Antwerp going down to 10 men after 35 minutes because of two stupid yellows in three minutes. They managed to hang on and even score with 15 minutes remaining, Only to see their goalscorer already on a yellow, take off his shirt and climb the fence to celebrate with fans. So they’re down to nine.”

And it all goes wrong, big-time.

8.34pm BST

“They’re not showing this game in the U.S. so I’m unable to watch it,” says J.R. in Illinois, “but that’s okay because it has given me the afternoon to ponder Eric Cantona’s speech at the Champions League draw earlier today.”

It was so good. He could not give a solitary sardine about all that ceremonial nonsense.

Wins the 2019 UEFA President's Award... Gives bizarre cryptic speech to confuse everyone in attendance.

Eric Cantona, ladies and gentlemen pic.twitter.com/qNgZB0cFoW

8.32pm BST

Typical Wolves. They’ve had less of the ball, more of the chances and deservedly lead through Raul Jimenez’s smart finish. Unless they concede at least three goals in the second half, they will be in tomorrow’s Europa League draw.

8.30pm BST

45 min Jonny is booked for offending the referee’s sensibilities.

8.30pm BST

44 min Coady, under a lot of pressure from Zaza, does really well to head away a superb cross from De Silvestri. Wolves are so well organised defensively.

8.27pm BST

41 min The match is getting a little physical. Torino are starting to look hacked off with life, Rincon in particular.

8.24pm BST

37 min: A chance for Zaza! It came from a fine right-wing cross by De Silvestri. Zaza towered over Coady, eight yards from goal, but planted his header too close to Rui Patricio, who plunged to his left to make a comfortable save.

8.22pm BST

35 min For all Torino’s possession, Wolves have been very comfortable defensively and have created the clearer chances on the break.

8.19pm BST

33 min Baselli is booked for flattening Traore.

8.19pm BST

33 min “Traore was memorably described last season as a ‘Porsche with a learner driver at the wheel’,” says Pete. “But tonight he looks like a Lamborghini with Lewis Hamilton in the driver’s seat!”

8.19pm BST

32 min Torino need three goals or they will be parachuted into the Do One Cup.

8.17pm BST

It was made by the excellent Traore, who ran Aina, came back onto his left foot and curled a low a cross towards the near post. Jimenez got between Bonifazi and Bremer to sweep a deft volley past Sirigu from six yards.

8.16pm BST

Raul Jimenez gets his sixth goal in this season’s Europa League. It’s bloody August.

8.14pm BST

28 min A corner is cleared to Baselli, 30 yards from goal. He knows he shouldn’t shoot, deep down he knows it’s a bad idea, but he can’t resist. Goalkick to Wolves.

8.13pm BST

26 min After a slow start, Wolves are starting to look really dangerous on the counter-attack. Jota and Dendoncker combine to find Jonny, whose lofted cross is headed away. Moments later, the crowd appeal for handball after a ricochet in the Torino area. I don’t think there was anything in it.

8.12pm BST

25 min That was an awesome turn of speed from Traore. He didn’t need to do anything fancy, just roar past anyone who was in his way.

8.10pm BST

24 min: What a run from Traore! After some neat one-touch play around the halfway line, Traore surged exhilaratingly through the inside-right channel. He scorched past the last man Bremer and into the area before whacking a low shot that was excellently saved by Sirigu.

8.09pm BST

23 min Saiss plays a terrible pass from inside his own area that goes straight to Lukic on the left wing. He is saved by Coady, who stoops to head the resulting cross away.

8.07pm BST

21 min See 18 min.

8.05pm BST

19 min A defensive header from Vallejo (I think) drops invitingly for Rincon, who hooks a volley wide of goal from 23 yards.

8.04pm BST

18 min It’s still all Torino. They haven’t created much, just a half chance from that Baselli free-kick, but it’s been a confident start nonetheless.

8.03pm BST

17 min Random Torino memories, part 1.

8.02pm BST

16 min Lukic teases Vallejo on the left, moves the ball back onto his right foot ... and wafts a cross straight out of play for a goalkick.

7.59pm BST

13 min Torino are dominating possession. That won’t particularly bother Wolves, who are happiest playing on the counter-attack, but things will get very nervy if Torino get the first goal.

7.58pm BST

12 min Jimenez is fouled 30 yards from goal, slightly to the right of centre. Saiss’s free-kick hits the top of the wall and is eventually cleared.

7.57pm BST

11 min “Wolves are not in gold, they are in orange,” says David Dein, throwing some shade my way. “Propose to someone with a ring that colour and you’re more likely to get a slap then a yes.”

If you ask me, I’d say the jersey is more of a ‘dark gold’, and that the kit is the first featuring the club’s new sponsor ManbetX, while CoinDeal remain sleeve sponsors for another campaign in the top tier of English football.

7.56pm BST

10 min Torino are starting to look dangerous. Baselli’s dipping, inswinging free-kick from the left is headed on by De Silvestri and just evades the unmarked Belotti beyond the far post.

7.53pm BST

8 min “Nice to see Nuno putting faith in Jesus to break up the back three hegemony of Coady-Boly-Bennett,” says Phil Russell. “Bennett defied all expectations in getting through last season without being too exposed but is the weakest link of the 3, especially when it comes to pace. Playing both yellow-card magnet Saiss and Dendoncker in midfield is more negative and I wonder if Nuno is looking to shield the defence with effectively a 1.5 goal cushion and try and hit on the break. Thought Gibbs-White or Neto would’ve got a start. Might be a cagey first 45 that comes to life after the break.”

7.53pm BST

7 min Torino try the old Beckham/Scholes corner. Baselli connects well with his volley but screws it well wide.

7.52pm BST

7 min Aina goes on a jaunty run infield before hitting a weak shot from 25 yards that takes a slight deflection and goes behind for a corner.

7.50pm BST

5 min “Sitting just a half a mile from Molineux and with a salmon sandwich in hand, I predict a 2-2 draw tonight and an aggregate win,” says Pete. “But why is Neves on the bench again? Pop over for a Horlicks if you get cold.”

I’m sure Neves would have started if you were behind in the tie. Nuno will have to take some risks with rotation this season, certainly if you reach the group stage.

7.50pm BST

4 min A clipped cross from Diogo Jota just evades Ji-MEN-ez at the near post, after which there’s a break in play while Izzo receives treatment. He’s unhappy with one of the Wolves players, Jonny I think.

7.48pm BST

3 min Nothing to report so far.

7.47pm BST

2 min “Meanwhile, Celtic are winning in Sweden,” says Alec McAulay. “You know, Celtic - from Glasgow; Glasgow, you know - in Scotland; Scotland, you know - near the Lake District.”

I do know; I live there.

7.46pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Torino, in their familiar burgundy kit, get the match underway. Wolves are in gold.

7.43pm BST

“Can I use your stage to get something off my chest?” says Simon Frank. “The Wolves striker is called Raul Ji-MEN-ez, emphasis on the second syllable. Not JIM-enez. Ditto Martinez. Ditto every bloody Spanish name ending in –ez. It’s my mission to erase this mistake from every football podcast out there. Except Nessun Dorma - they’d never make such a basic error.”

To be fair, we struggle to pronounce Steve Bull’s name correctly.

7.28pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Phil Grey. “It’s actually 4,679,216,614,909,999,999,532 matches. You’re forgetting the 1991 European Cup final between Red Star and Marseille.”

I paid a lot of money to Lacuna, Inc. to have that game erased from my memory.

7.03pm BST

Pre-match reading

6.48pm BST

Wolves (3-5-2) Rui Patricio; Vallejo, Coady, Boly; Traore, Dendoncker, Joao Moutinho, Saiss, Jonny; Jimenez, Diogo Jota.
Substitutes: Ruddy, Bennett, Pedro Neto, Ruben Neves, Cutrone, Gibbs-White, Ruben Vinagre.

Torino (3-5-2) Sirigu; Izzo, Bremer, Bonifazi; De Silvestri, Baselli, Rincon, Lukic, Aina; Zaza, Belotti.
Substitutes: Rosati, Singo, Berenguer, Millico, Meite, Parigini, Djidji

1.52pm BST

Hello. Molineux is where European football started, with the famous match between Wolves and Honved in 1954. Sixty-five years and 4,679,216,614,909,999,999,531 matches later, it’s great to have Wolves back. This is their first season in Europe since 1980-81; and unlike many English clubs, they see the Europa League as an opportunity rather than a hassle.

Nuno Espirito Santo knows that cups = glory. And if the atmosphere during the match against Manchester United 10 days ago is anything to go by, there are going to be some barnstorming European nights at Molineux this season. First they need to finish the job they started so impressively when they won 3-2 away to Torino a week ago. If they do that, they will join Arsenal and Manchester United’s in tomorrow’s draw for the group stage.

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Published on August 29, 2019 13:46

Spurs in Bayern's group, Chelsea v Ajax, Liverpool v Napoli, Real Madrid v PSG – Champions League draw!

The Champions League draw threw up some heavyweight contests, a handful of rematches and a couple of groups of death

6.18pm BST

That’s it for today’s blog. Please join us later for Wolves v Torino in the Europa League. Bye!

6.17pm BST

The Men’s Player of the Year is ... Virgil van Dijk. And quite right too.

6.13pm BST

They are going to announce the Men’s Player of the Year soon, one of these years. It’s between Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Virgil van Dijk.

6.12pm BST

Lucy Bronze is on international duty, so she accepts the award via a video message. She looks slightly surprised, although I doubt many others are. She has been majestic for the last couple of years in particular.

6.07pm BST

Lucy Bronze is the Women’s Player of the Year! Well, that’s made me very happy.

6.02pm BST

Read all about it

6.02pm BST

Any thoughts? That looks like an excellent draw for Liverpool, a decent one for City, and a tricky one for Spurs and Chelsea. Group F is the most eye-catchingly deadly, but Group D also looks very nasty.

5.58pm BST

The full draw

5.58pm BST

Group A Paris Saint-Germain, Real Madrid, Club Brugge, Galatasaray.

5.58pm BST

Group B Bayern Munich, Tottenham Hotspur, Olympiacos, Red Star Belgrade.

5.57pm BST

Group E Liverpool, Napoli, Salzburg, Genk.

5.56pm BST

Group H Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia, Lille.

5.56pm BST

Group F Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Internazionale, Slavia Praha.

5.55pm BST

Group D Juventus, Atletico Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen, Lokomotiv Moskva.

5.54pm BST

Group G Zenit Saint Petersburg, Benfica, Lyon, RB Leipzig.

5.53pm BST

Group C Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo Zagreb, Atalanta.

5.51pm BST

The award for the best forward in last season’s Champions League is ... Lionel Messi

, who again rose to the big occasion by scoring that priceless away goal at Anfield to put Barcelona into the final
.

5.49pm BST

Group G Zenit Saint Petersburg, Benfica, Lyon

5.49pm BST

Group A Paris Saint-Germain, Real Madrid, Club Brugge

5.48pm BST

Group B Bayern Munich, Tottenham Hotspur, Olympiacos

5.48pm BST

Group E Liverpool, Napoli, Salzburg

5.48pm BST

Group C Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo Zagreb

5.47pm BST

“I’m confused as to how they chose the teams for Pot 2,” says Dylan Singfield. “I get that they can’t play teams in the same league but why for example, were Real Madrid not able to be put in the same group as Liverpool? I was hoping for a rematch.”

You don’t want to go there, trust me. Once you’ve seen the 482-page tournament regulations, you can’t unsee it.

5.46pm BST

Group H Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia

5.45pm BST

Group D Juventus, Atletico Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen

5.44pm BST

Group F Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Internazionale

5.41pm BST

The award for the best midfielder in last season’s Champions League goes to ... Frenkie de Jong.

5.41pm BST

Juventus and Atletico Madrid will meet again, which is good news for Cristiano Ronaldo’s masculinity.

5.40pm BST

Group D Juventus, Atletico Madrid

5.40pm BST

Group E Liverpool, Napoli (reprise)

5.39pm BST

Group C Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk

5.38pm BST

Group A Paris Saint-Germain, Real Madrid

5.38pm BST

Group G for gimme Zenit Saint Petersburg, Benfica

5.37pm BST

“Hi Rob!” says Joe Sampson. “If they were designing a way to rid the draw of as much intrigue and excitement as possible, I suspect that this is the format they would come up with. Enjoy your day!”

Oh, I’m enjoying my day all right.

5.37pm BST

Group F Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund

5.36pm BST

I don’t think Chelsea have ever played Ajax before, although I’m probably wrong.

5.36pm BST

Group H Chelsea, Ajax

5.36pm BST

Bayern and Spurs last met in the 1983-84 Uefa Cup

5.35pm BST

Group B Bayern Munich, Tottenham Hotspur.

5.34pm BST

It’s time to draw the teams from Pot 2. “This is when the real excitement starts,” says A Suit.

5.32pm BST

Yes, yes, the award went to Virgil van Dijk.

5.31pm BST

The award for best defender in last season’s Champions League goes to ... Ashley Young.

5.31pm BST

The draw so far

5.27pm BST

“Obviously, I hold you in the highest esteem, and so I assume you have some kind of sway over proceedings,” says Matt Dony. “Liverpool, Shakhtar, Zagreb and Genk, please, Rob. The Group of mild case of flu (famous last words…).”

I wouldn’t worry - I’ve already played this season on my pen and paper and you reach the final again.

5.24pm BST

GET ON WITH IT.

5.20pm BST

It’s time for

the draw
the individial awards for last season’s competition. And the goalkeeper of the season is Alisson Becker.

5.16pm BST

“Cantona winning something in Europe?” says Gary Naylor, aiming pointedly below the belt. “Novel...”

If I could only be bothered, I’d love to write an On Second Thoughts about his European performances for Manchester United. They were nowhere near as bad as the received wisdom suggests.

5.12pm BST

And with that, Cantona walked straight off the stage. Is there any point going ahead with the 2019-20 Champions League after that?

5.10pm BST

Here comes Eric, wearing a red shirt and a flat cap. He looks like he hasn’t shaved since 2003. This man is magnificent. And he’s about to throw some sardines into the sea via the medium of prepared speech:

“As flies to wanton boys, we are for the Gods. They kill us for the sport. Soon the science will not only be able to throw down the ageing of the cells; soon the science will fix the cells to the state, and so we’ll become eternal. Only accidents, crimes, wars will still kill us. But unfortunately, crimes and wars will multiply. I love football. Thank you.”

5.07pm BST

Eric Cantona is about to receive the Uefa President’s Award, belated recognition of his selfless attempt to kick xenophobia out of football in 1995.

5.06pm BST

“Group of Death?” sniffs Jason Straight. “City, Real, Lyon, Leipzig. How’s that look?”

I’d give that 7.7 on the GoD scale. The highest recording was 9.7 in the 1998-99 season: Barcelona, Bayern Munich, Manchester United and Brondby, with only one team guaranteed to go through.

5.04pm BST

The preamble to the preamble to the main draw has begun. It would be good if, one year, they started drawing the balls straight away, 6pm CET sharp, catching half the assembled hacks on the hop, face down in a buffet plate.

For now we are watching a montage of last season’s ludicrously dramatic competition.

4.57pm BST

“Barcelona are looking for another striker, apparently,” says Charles Antaki. “They can manage a possible Group of Death if they snap up a well-known cricketer recently lauded for heroics, and use some of their muscle to lobby for a change in the UEFA relations to allow batting. And bowling.”

Oh, go on then. I think I’m addicted to this.

4.52pm BST

There’s plenty of scope for a Group of Death. Chelsea, Real Madrid, Internazionale and Lille, perhaps, or Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Lyon and Atalanta.

4.43pm BST

It’s 37 years since English teams won the European Cup in consecutive seasons. There’s a chance it could happen this year. Manchester City and Liverpool are, in the opinion of this hack, the two best teams in Europe. And while that guarantees the square root of bugger all, it beats being the 34th and 35th best teams in Europe.

The Champions League draw running order.

Disappointingly, it’s not just:

6.00pm - draw balls from hat
6.04pm - ends pic.twitter.com/Tbtcr32iCb

4.36pm BST

Hello and welcome to a new series of everyone’s favourite TV feast, Champions League Draw. You know the drill: waffle, more waffle, a third course of waffle, and then that lot get the easiest possible draw again.

These are the four pots from which balls shall be extracted. As ever, teams from the same country cannot be pooled together.

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Published on August 29, 2019 10:18

August 26, 2019

Ben Stokes’s rampage should not be sullied with a judgmental asterisk | Rob Smyth

England all-rounder’s 135 not out was not compromised by a turned-down lbw shout that, rather, showed much-touted infallibility of cricket’s technology may be in doubt

Ben Stokes: 135*. His euphoric rampage at Headingley will forever be accompanied by an asterisk. In Wisden it will simply demonstrate that he was not out, having completed a second miracle in six weeks off his own bat. But to a few, particularly in Australia, the asterisk will be an annotation. The Australian newspaper captured the mood of a sour minority with the headline: “Ben Stokes was out, so third Test heroics should not have counted.”

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Published on August 26, 2019 09:58

August 19, 2019

Wolves 1-1 Manchester United: Premier League – as it happened

Paul Pogba missed a second-half penalty for United, who were denied victory by a spectacular equaliser from Ruben Neves

12.12am BST

10.21pm BST

That’s it for tonight’s blog. I’ll leave you with the brilliant Paul Doyle’s match report from Molineux. Night!

10.21pm BST

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer speaks

“We knew they would come out like a house on fire in the second half, and they got the goal they probably deserved. We took control again after that and we could have won it. I thought we finished the game the strongest. The first half was a mature performance, the second was a bit sloppier. We’re a young team and we are improving. You have to learn on the pitch.

10.10pm BST

Ruben Neves speaks

“We had to adjust at half-time. Man Utd started really well, pressed us high up the pitch, and we found it difficult to control the game. We adjusted, took some risks and did well in the second half.

10.07pm BST

Sky’s football coverage is great, part 431242342389

Gary Neville: “It’s not like ... spin the bottle.”

10.06pm BST

That was Pogba’s fourth penalty miss in a year. He’s missed 36 per cent of his Premier League penalties. Marcus Rashford, I think, has missed 0 per cent of his in senior football.

10.03pm BST

Neville is properly on one about the penalty. He’s said “this is not right” umpteen times. “This is a Manchester United penalty. This is not a tombola. This is not under-5s on the playground.”

10.02pm BST

9.54pm BST

Here’s Gary Neville on Paul Pogba

“Before he even took the penalty I was fuming. I’m not sure whether Rashford took the one off Pogba last week or vice versa tonight. Why is there a debate on who takes a penalty? There should never be a debate. There wasn’t a leader on the pitch tonight. Something’s not right there. At first I thought, ‘It’s typical you, you’re selfish, why are you even thinking about taking a penalty off a player?’ But we’ve looked at the footage of last week’s penalty and Pogba and Rashford had a long chat before that as well. It’s weird. Only Ole Gunnar Solskjaer can tell us what happened.”

9.52pm BST

Well, that was a lot of fun. Martial scored a fine goal, Neves equalised with a scorcher and Pogba missed a penalty. Both teams will feel they could have won, United in particular, but both will be reasonably happy with a point.

9.51pm BST

United almost stole it at the last, when Pogba’s low cross just evaded Martial. Shaw spanked the loose ball at Patricio but by then Pereira had been penalised for blocking a defender.

9.51pm BST

Peep peep!

9.50pm BST

90+3 min Nothing much is happening.

9.48pm BST

90+1 min Another Wolves sub: Patrick Cutrone replaces the marvellous Raul Jimenez.

9.47pm BST

90+1 min Four minutes of added time. Neto tries to run Wan-Bissaka, who stalks him and makes another fine interception.

9.46pm BST

90 min Maguire slides a nice pass down the inside-left channel to find Martial, who is wrongly flagged offside.

9.45pm BST

89 min A double change for United: Greenwood replaces James, Pereira replaces Rashford.

9.45pm BST

88 min “The incessant moaning about VAR is worse than any amount of time ‘wasted’ on getting correct refereeing decisions,” says Gustav Björklund. “If we didn’t have VAR tonight, former top 6 club players turned pundits would be zooming in on still footage with evidence of error in refeering, complaining that it was missed, or saying they got away with it, based on which club they played for. That is not a better system. It doesn’t matter if someone is 5 millimeters or 5 meters offside - the rule still applies, and he same goes for handball or any other offence. It’s the same as before, where a human referee makes a judgement call, helped by the three other officials in the stadium, only now the ref on the pitch is helped on by yet another ref, this one in a shed near Heathrow. The moaning has to stop.”

But what about the people moaning about the people moaning?

9.43pm BST

87 min A Wolves sub: Neto on, Jota off.

9.42pm BST

86 min Wolves break superbly down the left through Jota, whose deep cross is screwed over the bar from a tight angle by Dendoncker.

9.41pm BST

85 min And this is no different, Mata failing to clear the first man.

9.41pm BST

85 min James beats Jota superbly and finds Wan-Bissaka, whose cross deflects behind for a corner. United’s set-pieces have been poor tonight.

9.41pm BST

85 min “I’d prefer to see VAR quietly buried and never spoken of again,” says Ciarán McCabe. “But if it is here to stay, how about a time limit? If the VAR team cannot decide within 30 seconds of the incident with the aid of replays there was no clear and obvious error. Play on!”

I like the idea in principle, but I’ve a feeling there would be unforeseeable fiascos.

9.40pm BST

84 min Wan-Bissaka is booked for blocking the ball with his shoulder. Jon Moss, the referee, hasn’t had a great game.

9.39pm BST

82 min Traore beats Shaw yet again and swings a high cross towards Jota beyond the far post. He tries to head the ball back into the far corner but plants it straight at de Gea.

9.37pm BST

81 min Juan Mata replaces Jesse Lingard, who had a fair-to-mediocre game. At his best Lingard is a deceptively dangerous player, but he hasn’t been at his best for a while now.

9.37pm BST

80 min Traore beats three players on a storming run before driving a dangerous low cross that is cleared by Lindelof.

9.36pm BST

79 min I certainly don’t think Rashford bottled the penalty - he took one in a World Cup match, and also scored the winner against PSG. I suspect he is slightly in awe of Pogba and deferred to him.

9.35pm BST

78 min An execrable pass from Shaw gives Wolves the chance to break, but Wan-Bissaka makes an important interception. He’s had an outstanding game.

9.34pm BST

77 min Rashford’s curler from the edge of the box is blocked by Bennett, and then James - who has had a good second half - wins a corner.

9.32pm BST

75 min I did Pogba a disservice. What seems to have happened is this: Pogba picked the ball up, having won the penalty, and Rashford was happy for him to take it. It’s still a load of nonsense, though, because Rashford is a far better penalty taker.

9.30pm BST

73 min Wolves are chasing not just a hat-trick of wins, but a hat-trick of 2-1 wins against Manchester United at Molineux this year. I don’t think this game will end 1-1.

9.29pm BST

72 min “Surely VAR has got to bring in the equivalent of the ‘umpire’s call’ rule in cricket - either that or hire an anatomist to decide where a shoulder becomes an arm,” says Dan C. “The theatre of the Neves goal was ruined by 2 minutes watching someone move a line a few pixels back and forth, it’s kind of pathetic.”

I’d get rid of the whole sorry shambles. But assuming we are stuck with it, they should definitely introduce something like that for offsides.

9.26pm BST

70 min James scurries into the box and has a shot blocked by Coady. This has been a cracking second half.

9.26pm BST

69 min I would suggest that Gary Neville’s views on that penalty may be worth watching after the game. It seems Pogba pulled rank on Rashford, even though Rashford is a much better penalty taker.

9.25pm BST

68 min Nice one, Paul. He bulleted the penalty towards goal, and Patricio flew to his right to beat it away. It wasn’t a terrible penalty, but it was at a saveable height. And when you pull a stunt like, you’d better score.

9.24pm BST

Marcus Rashford took the penalty last week - but Pogba is going to take this.

9.24pm BST

67 min Coady is penalised for fouling Pogba, and there are no complaints.

9.23pm BST

67 min Bennett is booked for an inept challenge on Rashford, who’d skinned him on the break.

9.22pm BST

65 min United have responded reasonably well to the equaliser, and are having a lot of the ball again. But they look much less composed than they did in the first half, both with and without the ball.

9.19pm BST

63 min Rashford tries to score from a ludicrous angle and distance on the left, and cracks it miles wide of the near post. “What the bloody blazes was that?” chant the Wolves fans.

9.19pm BST

62 min The primal roar when Neves scored was a thing of beauty.

9.18pm BST

61 min McTominay has a crack from 25 yards; Moutinho blocks.

9.15pm BST

59 min Traore dances into the area from the right before dragging a left-footed shot well wide. Wolves are all over United, who must be starting to wonder whether it’s happening again.

9.14pm BST

The goal is given! And it’s worth repeating that it was a storming goal.

9.13pm BST

Moutinho may have been offside when the corner was played back to him, after which he drilled it to Neves on the edge of the area.

9.13pm BST

VAR check for offside Oh lord.

9.12pm BST

That was a stunning goal. Moutinho took a short corner on the right and hammered the ball back towards Neves, in space on the edge of the area. As the United players charged out, Neves got the ball out of his feet in a hurry and smacked a gorgeous, booming curler that brushed the fingertip of the stretching de Gea and flew in off the underside of the bar. It hit the back of the net and then bounced back up onto the underside of the bar on its way out. Great goal.

9.12pm BST

What a goal from Ruben Neves!

9.11pm BST

54 min: Jimenez hits the post! It was a brilliant effort, a flicked header at the near post from Moutinho’s outswinging free-kick. It clattered of the inside of the post, hit De Gea and bounced to safety.

9.10pm BST

54 min Traore is fouled just outside the area by Maguire, who isn’t impressed with the decision.

9.09pm BST

52 min After a patient passing move from United, Wan-Bissaka shapes to shoot and then plays a disguised through pass that just evades Lingard in the area. Wan-Bissaka has been the best player on the pitch so far, for mine.

9.07pm BST

51 min Neves is booked for a foul on James.

9.07pm BST

50 min Wolves have made a much faster start to the second half - but they almost go 2-0 down when Lingard completely miskicks an inviting cross from Wan-Bissaka. It was a slightly awkward ball, which bounced in front of him, and he shanked it completely.

9.05pm BST

47 min James slips and plants his studs into Jota’s ankle. He’s on a yellow card, so he needs to be careful. I think that was an accident; if not, he’s lucky to be on the pitch.

9.03pm BST

46 min Peep peep! The second half is underway. Wolves have made a change, with Traore replacing Doherty.

8.59pm BST

Half-time reading

8.47pm BST

Peep peep! Manchester United deservedly lead through Anthony Martial’s excellent goal in the 27th minute. That was their only real chance, but they dominated possession throughout and played with confidence and authority. Wolves can play better, though, and probably will in the second half.

8.46pm BST

45+1 min Martial almost gets a second on the stroke of half-time. He scooted onto a half-arsed backpass from Bennett, pushed the ball away from the last man Boly with his right foot - but his left foot landed on the ball and sent it spinning behind him.

8.43pm BST

44 min Wan-Bissaka is having a cracking game at right-back. He looks so hard to beat one against one.

8.42pm BST

42 min James’ clipped cross is chested down near the penalty spot by Martial, but he can’t find any room for a shot at goal.

8.41pm BST

41 min Shaw shows surprising pace to scoot past Doherty and win a corner. Rashford’s inswinger is headed back across goal by Maguire and eventually cleared.

8.39pm BST

39 min Pogba is penalised for a foul on Moutinho. There’s a VAR check to see whether Pogba deserves to be sent off. He doesn’t; it was just a tangle of legs.

8.37pm BST

37 min Wolves had a little flurry of possession after the goal but United have resumed control for the last five minutes.

8.36pm BST

36 min Rashford sweeps a sharp pass into Martial on the edge of the D. He turns smartly and wriggles away from Boly but not the last man Coady.

8.35pm BST

35 min Pogba plays a lovely pass down the right to James, whose first-time cross is intercepted by the stretching Coady. James is being booed, with feeling, every time he gets the ball. He’s looked slightly nervous in possession, but his work rate without the ball has been impressive.

8.33pm BST

33 min We’ve seen almost nothing of Ruben Neves so far.

8.31pm BST

32 min Moutinho’s corner rebounds to Jimenez, whose stinging snapshot is blocked by Pogba.

8.31pm BST

31 min Human nature being what it is, Wolves have had much more of the ball since the goal. Jota wins a corner off Wan-Bissaka.

8.28pm BST

After 27 minutes of probing, United finally got behind Wolves for the first time. Lingard pushed the ball infield from the left to Rashford, who slid a nice short pass down the side of the defence into the path of Martial. He ran away from Boly and crashed a rising shot past Patricio with his left foot.

8.27pm BST

Anthony Martial gives Manchester United the lead with a thumping finish.

8.25pm BST

25 min Lindelof shanks the ball towards his own goal, but redeems his error with a header back to De Gea. It’s an interesting game, but not yet an exciting one.

8.25pm BST

24 min Dan James has been booked for diving. That looked a good decision from Jon Moss, although replays suggest he might have been caught. It’s hard to be sure. What we do know is that he’s going to be booed for the rest of the game.

8.22pm BST

23 min “Given both teams’ strengths on the counter,” says Oliver Atkinson, “this feels like the sort of game where Wolves are having the better of it on account of United having all of the ball.”

Yes, Wolves have looked the slightly more dangerous team, even though they’ve only had about a quarter of the possession.

8.19pm BST

19 min Here’s Sean Clayton on the subject of bogey teams. “It feels like a long time ago but Sheffield Wednesday absolutely owned Man United for several seasons in the late 80s and early 90s. In retrospect, that late brace of injury time goals by Steve Bruce was the beginning of a long decline for the mighty Owls...”

Nigel bloody Jemson.

8.18pm BST

18 min Pogba sprays a long crossfield pass to Rashford on the left. He twists Bennett one way and then the other before curling a wicked inswinging cross that just evades Martial in the six-yard box.

8.17pm BST

18 min Wan-Bissaka makes a good tackle to stop Jota’s run down the left. Jimenez and Jota look really sharp on the counter-attack.

8.16pm BST

16 min Pogba fouls Jota 40 yards from goalk. Moutinho’s inswinging free-kick is headed away by Harry Magnet.

8.15pm BST

14 min United are struggling to get behind the Wolves defence, which is so well organised. There’s so much pace in this United team, but there isn’t. Pogba excepted, a huge amount of guile.

8.11pm BST

12 min Under normal circumstances you’d say this has been an excellent start for United, who have dominated possession (72 per cent) and played with breezy purpose. But given their recent history with Wolves, they might wonder whether they are walking into a trap.

8.10pm BST

10 min “Obviously, I’m no United fan,” says Matt Dony. “ But I am a very big admirer of Dan James. He is terrifyingly fast, with a decent end product, and just seems like such a damn nice young man. I’m looking forward to watching him tear up trees for Wales, and hoping he gets the chance to develop at United. And, you would need a heart of stone not to smile at the sheer, unadulterated, childlike joy in his goal celebration last week. Go on, son.”

8.09pm BST

10 min Shaw’s corner is headed clear at the far post.

8.09pm BST

9 min Now it’s United’s turn to counter, from that Wolves corner, and James wins a corner at the other end.

8.08pm BST

9 min The corner is slabheaded away by Maguire.

8.08pm BST

8 min James loses the ball on the right - I thought he was fouled, but Jon Moss didn’t - and Wolves spring forward to win a corner at the other end.

8.04pm BST

5 min United have had almost all of the ball in the first five minutes, though Wolves won’t really mind that. They are lethal on the break.

8.03pm BST

3 min “I like Lingard, he’s a decent player who always puts in a shift,” says Sandile Xaso, “but how much better would this team look with a class act like James Maddison in it? It was startling to see him not only be the best player on the pitch at Stamford Bridge yesterday, but by such a large margin.”

Yes, I really like Maddison, who looks a class act. I suspect he will have a lot of suitors next summer.

8.02pm BST

2 min A couple of lively early challenges, first from McTominay and then Coady. Both were fair tackles, but they were also meaningful.

8.00pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Wolves, in the old gold, kick off from right to left. United are in red.

7.57pm BST

We’re having a few technical issues, but they’ll hopefully be sorted before kick-off. The players have just emerged to the usual cracking atmosphere.

7.48pm BST

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer speaks

“[Dan James] has made an impact from day one. We’ll chop and change at times this season. Andreas played very well last week but we think Dan is the right choice for tonight. He gives us the X-factor of his pace, and he’s incredibly hard working off the ball.

7.26pm BST

“Do you know if the average age of this United team remains the youngest in this week’s round of PL fixtures?” says Matt Richman. “I have to say I’m impressed with the repeated faith in the team’s youth.”

It is, yeah. It’s also slightly younger than the Chelsea team, with James (21) replacing Pereira (23).

7.22pm BST

Nuno Espirito Santo speaks

“It’s a big game, a big challenge for us. We did a lot of things well against them last season. I expect a tough game – they are confident, so we have to take care of everything and look for our chance. The answer of the players has been very good [to the extra workload]. The idea is to be united and embrace everything in front of us.”

7.14pm BST

Some pre-match reading

7.02pm BST

Daniel James makes his full debut for United, replacing Andreas Pereira. Wolves are unchanged from their last Premier League game, the 0-0 draw at Leicester eight days ago.

Wolves (3-5-2) Patricio; Bennett, Coady, Boly; Doherty, Dendoncker, Neves, Moutinho, Jonny; Jimenez, Jota.
Substitutes: Ruddy, Vinagre, Gibbs-White, Saiss, Neto, Cutrone, Traore.

11.03am BST

Hello. Manchester United have had some unlikely bogey teams down the years. West Brom in the late 1970s; Norwich in the late 1980s; Southampton in the mid 1990s; Middlesbrough in the early 2000s; just about everyone since 2013. Their newest nemesis is Wolves, who tonight are aiming to beat United at Molineux for the third time in less than six months.

Their two 2-1 wins last season – one in the FA Cup, one in the league – sent United into a tailspin after that amazing start under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. They showed the first signs of recovery with a stirring 4-0 win over Chelsea last weekend, but this is a different - and arguably tougher - test.

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Published on August 19, 2019 14:21

August 18, 2019

Chelsea 1-1 Leicester City: Premier League – as it happened

Wilfred Ndidi gifted Mason Mount an early goal before equalising himself as an impressive Leicester pooped Frank Lampard’s homecoming party

9.34pm BST

Not a classic homecoming ...

6.41pm BST

Jacob Steinberg has filed his match report, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company - goodnight.

6.34pm BST

Post-match interviews

James Maddison “We’re coming away disappointed. We had chances, myself included, and when you play as well as we did in the second half you have to score the chances we create. I need to improve my goal tally if I want to go to the next level, which I know I can. Chances like that don’t come around very often. I’ve gotta put it away.

6.24pm BST

That was a game of two distinct 45-minute segments. Chelsea were good in the first half and deserved to lead; Leicester were brilliant in the second and deserved at least an equaliser. James Maddison was both the best player on the pitch and the biggest culprit; he missed a sitter that would have given Leicester the lead.

Wilfred Ndidi was the biggest influence on the match. He gifted Mason Mount a goal on his home debut, and then equalised with a sympathic, humane, kindly header.

6.21pm BST

Peep peep!

6.21pm BST

90+4 min Chelsea are hanging on for a point. Kepa has to run 35 yards from his own goal to just beat Albrighton to a loose ball.

6.20pm BST

90+3 min Maddison, flagged offside, puts the ball in the net anyway. I don’t think VAR can have anything to do with such incidents, though I haven’t a clue anymore.

6.19pm BST

90+2 min “I can’t help but feel that Chelsea’s season is going to be less defined by their manager than the quality of players at their disposal,” says Niall Mullen. “Let’s see if they can get an extra year out of the old dogs because I’m not convinced by the whelps.”

They have some good players to come back – Rudiger, Loftus-Cheek and eventually Hudson-Odoi.

6.18pm BST

90+2 min: Another chance for Vardy! Ricardo drove a low cross into the six-yard box, where Vardy tried a backheel at the near post and made a mess of it. It was a tricky one as it was behind him, and he mistimed the connection.

6.17pm BST

90 min Four minutes of added time. Tielemans has a chance to put Vardy through but hangs onto the ball too long. Chelsea break through Kante and then Abraham, who curls miles wide frokm the edge of the area.

6.16pm BST

89 min A brilliant move from Leicester! Maddison curls a pass out to Albrighton on the right. He cuts it back sharply to Tielemans, who whips it first-time towards goal from 15 yards, and Kepa stands tall to beat the shot away. It was straight at him, essentially, but beautifully struck. Leicester have been a pleasure to watch in this second half, Maddison in particular. He’s ready for international football, nae question.

6.12pm BST

86 min Mount plays a one-two with Abraham and hits a fierce shot from 25 yards that goes behind off Soyuncu. The corner, from Willian, is a stinker.

6.09pm BST

83 min Mount wafts a free-kick over the bar from 30 yards. Chelsea have lost their way. They might still nick it - Big Six teams do that a lot at home - but the second-half performance has been as deflating as the first was encouraging.

6.07pm BST

82 min I think Chelsea would take a draw now, as Leicester look the more likely winners. Mind you, so did England against Romania at France 98.

6.07pm BST

81 min “This is the third game in a row in which Chelsea have been superb in the first half, slack in the second,” says Julian Menz. “Does Frank need to do some extra work on his half-time pep talks?”

6.07pm BST

80 min Marc Albrighton replaces the disappointing Ayoze Perez. He’s a fine player but his decision-making has been poor today.

6.05pm BST

80 min Although he missed that great chance, Maddison has been magnificent in the second half.

6.05pm BST

79 min Maddison plays a good pass to Tielemans. He plays an even better one to Perez, who has the chance to slip Vardy in behind the defence ... and he makes a Horlicks of it.

6.04pm BST

77 min: Vardy almost makes it 2-1! Maddison put him through on the left of the area with a lovely disguised pass. Vardy took a touch and then hammered the ball low across goal with his left foot. Kepa plunged to his left and the ball whistled just wide of the far post.

6.02pm BST

75 min “Your description of Ndidi’s goal,” says Zafar Sobhan. “An emphatic header, perhaps?”

That’s my new favourite typo.

6.00pm BST

74 min Almost a chance at the other end, with Pedro’s excellent cross just evading the leaping Abraham in the area.

6.00pm BST

73 min: What a miss from Maddison! Leicester should be 2-1 up. Fuchs’ sharp low cross was touched off by Perez to Maddison, who ran through a couple of defenders in the area to create a clear opportunity. And then he leathered it over the bar from eight yards.

5.58pm BST

72 min Leicester make another substitution, with the debutant Dennis Praet replacing Hamza Choudhury.

5.57pm BST

71 min A double change for Chelsea: Willian and Kovacic replace Jorginho and Pulisic, who had a quiet home debut.

5.56pm BST

70 min Ricardo drags a shot well wide from 25 yards. But it’s another reflection of Leicester’s bullishness. They’ve been quite superb in the second half, Maddison in particular. He’s a beautiful player.

5.53pm BST

Wilfred Ndidi has scored at both ends! Sort of. His desperate mistake led to Chelsea’s goal but now he has equalised with an empathic header from Maddison’s outswinging corner. He got in front of Azpilicueta, eight yards from goal, and powered it into the top corner.

5.52pm BST

It’s there!

5.52pm BST

66 min Fuchs’ deflected cross loops over the backpedalling Kepa and onto the roof of the net. That was close.

5.50pm BST

64 min Perez’s clever through ball is just too far in front of Vardy.

5.47pm BST

61 min Maddison’s corner is headed away to Tielemans, who shoots high and wide rom 25 yards. Chelsea then make their first substitution, with Tammy Abraham replacing the excellent Olivier Giroud.

5.46pm BST

60 min Maddison robs Pedro and tries to stab a through ball to Vardy. Christensen puts it behind for a corner.

5.46pm BST

60 min It’s hard to reconcile Leicester’s listless, meek first-half performance with how well they have played since half-time.

5.44pm BST

58 min Lovely play from Maddison, who twists Christensen inside out on the left side of the area before hammering a left-footed cross-shot that flashes across the six-yard box.

5.44pm BST

57 min When the corner is half cleared, Choudhury tries to place a curling shot from the left side of the box. It’s too close to Kepa, who makes a comfortable tumbling save.

5.42pm BST

56 min Pedro is struggling. It looked very innocous, as he kicked the underside of Perez’s boot on the edge of the Leicester area, but he is limping heavily as he leaves the field.

5.41pm BST

55 min Pedro is down but Leicester play on and win a corner, which doesn’t impress the home fans.

5.40pm BST

53 min This is much better from Leicester, and Chelsea have gone up a gear in response. Emerson’s cross is flicked towards goal by the head of Giroud, and Schmeichel makes a comfortable save.

5.37pm BST

50 min A half-chance for Leicester. Maddison runs at the Chelsea defence, just outside the area. Kante gets a tackle in but Maddison picks up the loose ball, dances round the outrushing Kepa and slides the ball back from the byline towards Tielemans near the penalty spot. Mount nips in front of him to make an important clearance.

5.34pm BST

48 min Maddison stabs a through pass to Vardy, who is offside. It’s been a bright start from Leicester, though.

5.33pm BST

47 min Perez tries to dink a pass over the top for Vardy. Christensen stretches to head it towards the edge of the area, where Maddison shapes for the volley and then loses his balance.

5.31pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Leicester begin the second half.

5.17pm BST

Half-time reading

5.17pm BST

Peep peep! Chelsea lead, deservedly so, through Mason Mount’s early goal. It was all his own work: he robbed Wilfred Ndidi just outside the area and finished adroitly.

5.15pm BST

45 min One minute of added time.

5.14pm BST

44 min A microcosm of Leicester’s first half: Ricardo takes a throw-in to Perez, who cushions a short return pass to Ricardo. He miscontrols it and it goes out of play.

5.11pm BST

42 min Chelsea have become a little passive, apparently content to go to half-time with a 1-0 lead. Leicester have had 71 per cent possession in the last 10 minutes.

5.10pm BST

40 min “Pedro has been excellent in this game so far, pressing, defending from the front and quick in the transition,” says Lee Madden. “I do wonder though, what position is he actually playing? It looks like a wide forward position but he’s been everywhere. Thoughts?”

He’s definitely the right-sided wide forward, but anyone who plays in those positions has a fair bit of freedom these days.

5.08pm BST

38 min From the resulting free-kick, Maddison curls a wicked ball from the right that just bounces over the stretching Ndidi at the far post.

5.07pm BST

37 min Jorginho is booked for a late tackle on Tielemans.

5.06pm BST

35 min Leicester are having an even share of possession now. It’s all in front of Chelsea, though, who look very comfortable defensively at this stage.

5.02pm BST

30 min Chelsea almost return Ndidi’s favour by giving Leicester a goal. Kepa, who received a pass from Zouma, dithered on the ball and was this close to being robbed by Vardy on the six-yard line. In the end he had to stretch to tackle Vardy and the ball deflected to safety.

4.59pm BST

28 min Reports of Chelsea’s demise, it seems, were greatly exaggerated. They look an excellent side, and their pressing has been really impressive.

4.57pm BST

26 min: Great block by Fuchs! Emerson’s near-post cross was flicked behind him by Giroud, who is a fine game. Kante arrived late to steer a shot towards goal from eight yards, but Fuchs slid in from the side to deflect the ball behind for a corner. Brilliant defending.

4.54pm BST

25 min We’ve seen little of Maddison and even less of Tielemans and Perez in the first 25 minutes. Leicester have been really disappointing.

4.52pm BST

23 min “Good afternoon Rob,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “So I see we’re both on a break from the cricket. I hope – I honestly truly hope – Lampard gets at least two full seasons to exhibit what he can do with all that young talent Chelsea’s been loaning out for years.”

I suspect he will, although you never know with Roman Abramovich. He doesn’t appear to be the sentimental kind.

4.51pm BST

21 min Another chance for Mount, who heads Azpilicueta’s flat cross straight at Schmeichel from 10 yards.

4.50pm BST

20 min “Sure it was mostly Ndidi’s fault for dawdling & losing ball to Mount, but defender who passed it to Ndidi should share blame,” says Mike MacKenzie. “Passing in front of goal with not one but two forwards near your guy isn’t very smart.”

I know what you mean but I think it was essentially a safe pass – they want to play out from the back and Ndidi had plenty of time to get rid of it.

4.48pm BST

17 min Ricardo makes a good run forward from right-back, only to overhit his through pass to Vardy. Leicester are settling down, though.

4.45pm BST

15 min Chelsea have had 60 passes in the opposition half. Leicester have had six.

4.44pm BST

14 min Leicester are slowly coming into the game, having barely seen the ball in the first 10 minutes.

4.40pm BST

10 min There has been an eye-catching intensity to Chelsea’s play, with and especially without the ball. Mount was all over Ndidi for the goal.

4.38pm BST

8 min That was a fine finish from Mount, because he was under pressure from Ndidi and was starting to fall over as he took the shot. But he still managed to screw it back across Schmeichel.

4.38pm BST

Mason Mount scores on his home debut after a lamentable error from Wilfred Ndidi. He dithered for an age on the edge of the D and was robbed by Mount, who moved into the area and screwed an excellent low shot past Schmeichel.

4.36pm BST

It’s there!

4.36pm BST

6 min This has been such a purposeful start from Chelsea. Leicester have barely crossed the halfway line.

4.33pm BST

3 min From the resulting corner, Pulisic’s near-post header flashes right across the face of goal before Ricardo hooks it away from inside the six-yard box. Chelsea could be 3-0 up!

4.33pm BST

2 min Another chance for Chelsea! It was made again by Giroud, who laid the ball off to Mount on the edge of the area. His low shot was pushed away by Schmeichel, who got straight to his feet to block with the follow-up from Pulisic.

4.32pm BST

1 min Pedro slams a volley into the side-netting after 48 seconds. Azpilicueta’s cross from the right was chested neatly towards him by Giroud, and he belted a volley just wide of the near post.

4.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea get the match under way. They are in blue; Leicester are in their pink change kit.

4.27pm BST

There’s been a late refereeing substitution, with Oliver Langford replacing Graham Scott, who was - and you’ll like this - stuck in traffic.

4.26pm BST

The players are in the tunnel. Cesar Azpilicueta already looks like he wants to hurt someone.

4.16pm BST

In the early game, Sheffield United’s upbeat start to Premier League life continued with a 1-0 win over Crystal Palace.

4.14pm BST

“Hmmm, be honest,” says Matt Dony, “how much attention are you really going to be paying to the football this afternoon?”

Mate, I’ve spent the last 30 minutes

desperately trying to find a split-screen function on my TV
analysing Leicester’s heat maps from last weekend. I’ve got my eyes on the ball.

Unlike Marcus Labuschagne, lol.

4.11pm BST

If you’re a cricket fan, you might want to join Tim de Lisle, because Jofra Archer is bowling another monstrous spell at Lord’s.

3.42pm BST

Pre-match reading

3.35pm BST

Sheffield United are playing Crystal Palace in the early game - and you won’t believe the score.

3.34pm BST

Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Kepa; Azpilicueta, Christensen, Zouma, Emerson; Kante, Jorginho; Pedro, Mount, Pulisic; Giroud.
Substitutes: Caballero, Alonso, Tomori, Barkley, Kovacic, Abraham, Willian.

Leicester (4-1-4-1) Schmeichel; Ricardo, Evans, Soyuncu, Fuchs; Ndidi; Perez, Tielemans, Choudhury, Maddison; Vardy.
Substitutes: Ward, Justin, Morgan, Albrighton, Barnes, Praet, Iheanacho.

10.20am BST

Hello. Usually, when a Big Six team hosts a member of the Peedie 14, it feels like the game will be a formality. It gives me the greatest pleasure to report that, today, that isn’t the case. Leicester will come to play, as Brendan Rodgers’s sides always do, and have the ability to give Chelsea’s defence another trying afternoon.

Chelsea had a miserable start to the season, losing 4-0 in that peculiar match at Old Trafford, but there was plenty of encouragement in their Super Cup performance against Liverpool. N’Golo Kante makes such a difference to their team, while the important Antonio Rudiger should be back soon.

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Published on August 18, 2019 10:41

August 16, 2019

Ashes 2019: England v Australia second Test, day three abandoned after rain – as it happened

Jofra Archer took his first Test wicket as England reduced Australia to 80 for four at lunch - but then it rained for the rest of the day

6.33pm BST

5.46pm BST

The forecast is much better for the last two days, so I’d be loath to assume a draw at this stage. Please join Adam and Tanya in the morning for all the action/unexpected rain. Thanks for your company - bye!

5.22pm BST

“I think you’re being a bit unfair to Ricky Ponting here,” says Jeremy Yapp. “After all he made 13,378 Test runs so with 15 dismissals that means he averaged 891.87 against runouts, which is pretty handy.”

5.22pm BST

Who knew?

5.17pm BST

We’ve all been doing it wrong this whole time! #HallaBol pic.twitter.com/lw0TUUXkv6

5.08pm BST

“Many batsmen at the top of the run-out list,” says Speedy, “are clearly only there because there was no other sodding way of getting them out.”

5.02pm BST

There will be another inspection at 5.20pm, and some of the covers are coming off. I’m off to ingest some coffee, just in case. See you in 15 minutes.

4.56pm BST

“I think what Simon is getting at is how can a batsman’s innings total be split,” says Gerard Mullally. “But as the calculation is total runs scored against spin divided by wickets lost against spin, there’s no need to consider an individual innings score. I guess if a batsman scores 50 runs, 30 of which is against seam, and is bowled by a seam bowler, it would be the equivalent of being 20 not out for his spin stats, and 30 and out for his seam stats. What I want to know is what happens if the batsman is run out? Did Inzamam-Ul-Haq have unusually high averages against all types of bowling due to his wonderfully confusing running between wickets?”

Ha. He was only run out six times in Tests, you know. The record is 15. Guess who?

4.38pm BST

Dear umpires, just call it off. I can’t call it off for you.

4.33pm BST

“Regarding the prospect of a result, here’s one I made earlier,” says Phil Harrison. “If England get Smith in the first half hour or so, game on! Adelaide 2006 it is then...”

Scarred minds think alike.

4.32pm BST

“For bowlers, that kind of stat makes some sense, not for batsmen,” says Simon. “When people say “he averages 25 against spin” what is the calculation that is being done? It isn’t clear to me. A batting average is the number of runs divided by the number of dismissals (I hope I’ve got that right) so what is the calculation when you’re just including a subset of the balls in each innings?”

It shows his or her ability against certain types of bowling, no? Steve Smith is the obvious example – in the last three years or so he averages 21 against left-arm spin, and 48.2 million against all other types of bowling. That has to mean something.

4.30pm BST

I still think we might get a result in this game. The forecast is fine for the last two days, so there could be up to 196 overs still to bowl. There could be considerable scope for England to have an Adelaide in the third innings.

4.23pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Andrew Goldsby. “The 2005 Ashes started at 10.30am because Channel 4 wanted to be finished for Hollyoaks. The Free-to-Air-at-all-costs folks tend to forget that C4 wasn’t all that much in love with cricket towards the end.”

A 10.30am start is one thing, 9am quite another. I can’t see how it would work, and there’s a fairness issue as well. That said, I know the square root of diddly squat about golf, so would be interested to find out more about how they do it.

4.22pm BST

It’s raining again. Bye then!

4.19pm BST

“Where has all this, ‘He averages 11 against short balls and 26 against spin’ stuff come from?” says Simon Gates. ‘Is there some sort of new toy that all the commentators are playing with? It’s maddening because it’s all meaningless. It would make sense to talk about runs per ball or per over, but averages are just weird. PS I am a statistician.”

Why are they weird? I think those stats, though inevitably overdone, are generally a very good thing. Take one example – Nathan Lyon’s averages against left-handers (25ish) and right-handers (35ish). That’s a great stat, which reinforces what we see every time he bowls.

4.18pm BST

“What we spectators don’t usually see is all the preparation each day,” says John Starbuck. “If the match days were to begin at 09am there wouldn’t be time enough for people to catch the right bus/train (which in rush hour would be packed out anyway), the administrators to work out when sustenance breaks should be (elevenses followed by a late lunch?), the catering staff to do their shopping, the groundsman’s staff to paint lines and nurture the grass, the members to put in their drinks orders etc. unless you wish to upset a great many people. Given its cricket, the whole project would last three years minimum. Makes Brexit look like a picnic.”

4.15pm BST

“Egads!” says Peter Lee. “What are Julie Wilson and Spencer Robinson thinking about starting earlier.... at 9am? We all know deep down inside that the joy of cricket is the sublime knowledge that someone out there is a person of leisure, whose only role in life is to cast a red ball around (slowly or fast, whatever) and perhaps knock it about a bit. Unlike the rest of us who toil at the four-letter thing we call ‘work’. Starting earlier would make cricketers just like us nine-to-fivers..... and that simply won’t do.”

4.12pm BST

Eoin, marry me

He did it. He actually flippin’ did it.

An honour be be presented with a silver cap today. A very special day https://t.co/n6FBd5qgF1

4.04pm BST

“The vid of the kid getting a wicket is great,” says Mark Dawson. “More weirdly, the truncated/repeated laugh of the cameraman sounds just like the loop in ‘Hands Around My Throat’ by Death in Vegas. Spooky.”

4.02pm BST

There will be an inspection at 4.30pm. The rain has almost stopped, so the umpires are going to take another look in half an hour. If there’s no rain, we’ll get some play tonight. But the forecast is dreadful, so.

3.48pm BST

“How would starting earlier be messy?” says Julie Wilson. “Playing later seems to be manageable. Starting earlier seems an obvious thing to do.”

I’m not sure. Who decides when play starts? In England, certainly, the ball moves around a lot more before 11am (remember all those NatWest Trophy finals in the 1980s and 1990s). What happens if a team is bowled out in helpful conditions from 9-11am and then it doesn’t rain all day? They would feel cheated. Imagine if a series as important as, say, the 2005 Ashes was decided because of a rogue weather forecast.

3.44pm BST

“Given that there’s no play in the Test, surely someone has time to make a montage of ‘Steve Smith leaving the ball’ set to the sort of music used in the training sequence of an 80s movie?” says Cath Hanley. “I’d watch it …”

Oh my goodness, that’s a great idea. And, with a tip of me hat to Matt Dony in yesterday’s OBO, I think we all know what the soundtrack would be.

3.42pm BST

The umpires have brought tea forward to 3.40pm, so that we can have a longer evening session if it stops raining in the next 12 seconds or so. There are a few spectators hanging around, but it appears the majority have started weekending.

3.37pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Spencer Robinson. “When bad weather is forecast at golf tournaments here in Asia, tee-times are invariably brought forward to try and ensure the full number of holes can be completed. Given that everyone knew it was going to bucket down at Lord’s this afternoon, why on earth was play not started at 9am? At least then we may have got through two sessions.”

I like the idea in principle, but I fear it would be a can of worms. It’s different in golf, when everybody plays 18 holes in the same conditions. In cricket, when one side is batting and another bowling, it could get a bit messy. But it’s worth trialling, maybe in 2ndXI cricket.

3.34pm BST

“Fantastic photo at the top of the page,” says Bill Hargreaves. “‘England captain Joe Root calls for a review”. The expressions make it look like it was directed by Caravaggio. The ‘T’ sign being made by Joe - does that stand for ‘telly’? Also, did you see this wonderful clip?”

pic.twitter.com/OBVd4mxhTS

3.25pm BST

No news is bad news

It’s still raining. You’re welcome to hang around if you want, but please don’t expect a euphoric experience. My prediction is that play will be abandoned for the day at 5.02pm.

3.22pm BST

“Speaking of indoor cricket, I was at this match,” says Ben Mimmack, “which was apparently the first indoor ODI. My main memory of the game is that during the break they had spectators trying to hit a ball up to the roof to win a prize and one bloke swung so hard he fell over. Also a couple of Aussies bludgeoned centuries. Do you know why indoor ODIs aren’t played more often - I suppose weather isn’t really an issue during the Australian summer.”

3.12pm BST

In this #Ashes so far, Australia's top three batsmen have made 130 runs from nine innings – Rory Burns made a few more than that in one. England's top three have 334 from their nine. And #SteveSmith has 299 from two and a bit @GeoffLemonSport

3.04pm BST

“Following on from the Wear Red for Ruth Day at Lord’s, I wanted to let you know about an event happening in Oxford this Sunday,” says Sarah Whatman. “Thirteen teams will be taking part in Naida’s Netball - a mixed netball tournament (each team must include some men). This tournament is part of Naida’s efforts to raise money for the Cancer and Haematology Centre, Day Treatment Unit at the Churchill Hospital, which is where she has been treated for breast cancer since the start of the year.

“The original fundraising target of £1500 has been passed and will hopefully reach £2000 with the tournament, raffle and cake sale this weekend. We’re hoping that unlike the cricket, there won’t be any rain delays. Many of Naida’s teammates, friends and colleagues are taking part on Sunday and there are a lot of husbands, brothers, boyfriends and sons genning up on the rules of netball as I write. Naida’s fundraising page can be found here.”

2.59pm BST

It’s still raining at Lord’s, and the forecast suggests there is unlikely to be any more play. The outlook for the last two days is much better, however, so a result is still possible. So is world peace, I suppose.

2.53pm BST

Ali Martin writes...

Eoin Morgan has stated his desire to stay on as England’s limited overs captain and lead the side into next year’s Twenty20 World Cup in Australia – provided he can overcome a longstanding back injury.

2.50pm BST

Thanks Geoff, hello everyone. You want rain chat? I can give you rain chat. There are ways. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can give you rain chat by 3 o’clock this afternoon. But first, some news on Eoin Morgan.

2.47pm BST

That’s enough rain chat from me. Get ready for some rain chat from Rob Smyth. I’ll be back on day five to continue the rain chat then. Thanks for your company as ever.

2.44pm BST

“The hat is not the answer,” writes Geoff Saunders. “I used to work in Moscow and on every official holiday we had lovely sunshine - never rain. How? Because the then Mayor – Luzhkov – had the clouds around the city seeded so the rain fell outside the city and no clouds got inside the city boundaries (or outside when they had the airshows out in the boonies).”

I think the links between London and Moscow are already rather stronger than we might like.

2.42pm BST

It was a very good call from Slough, anyway, about the rain starting at lunchtime. I don’t know if Slough has any intelligence (ha ha) about when the rain might stop. It’s faintly drizzling still at the Home of Damp and Cricket.

2.32pm BST

“I’ve just checked with my team of consulting engineers and they said the idea of putting a roof on is so 1980s. These days, apparently, we’d go for a fleet of hydroscopic (or something) micro drones. About ten million of them should do it, according to their rough calculations.”

We’re back to the drones. Thanks, Garry Sharp.

2.19pm BST

“If we go with Arran Watson and put a hat on Lords I wonder if you’d be able to fiddle with the aircon and get it to swing all day. It’d be tampering but it’d be so clever I don’t think anyone would mind.”

Just home ground advantage, Chris Lingwood, surely?

2.11pm BST

Arran Watson writes in. “Call it a knee-jerk reaction if you will, but with all this global warming & stormy summers we can expect in UK in years to come, isn’t it becoming sensible to finally get round to sticking a roof on cricket grounds?”

I’m not sure how easy it would be to just whack a roof on the ol’ Lord’s. Maybe some sort of transparent umbrella canopy might suit the style. It might also be a good idea to put the kibosh on all of these charmers trying to get fracking going in the UK, and maybe put the heat on Australia to stop trying to open a new coal mine every five minutes.

2.07pm BST

“This may be a foolish question, but if the average for top order batsmen against balls on the stumps is really 15, does that not suggest a winning strategy?!”

Very fair question, John Cox. I’ve got the boffins on it. My inclination would be that it works better as an occasional surprise ball, given the ball on the stumps should be one of the easiest to hit. If you only bowl on the stumps, the delivery becomes easier to play, but if it’s once in a while then the mistake is more likely. Also a batsman can miss outside the stumps and not be out, but any miss in line with the stumps means a wicket.

1.49pm BST

What I meant to say what that it’s raining still, and lunch was over 9 minutes ago. So we’re losing match time with each passing minute now. What can be done? Surrender to the elements.

1.48pm BST

“This is a much better content strategy from The Guardian: the content which was all rainy was bad content, and the content when Australia batted forever was not content which had been optimised for the domestic audience. The current content is good content. I’m content.”

I’ll have you know, Paul Griffin, that I resent this wildly. Our rain content on the first day was excellent content, so good that the New York Times wrote it up in their sports newsletter as singularly worthy of praise for our efforts in covering eight hours of nothing happening. That’s as existential as it gets.

1.39pm BST

Here’s Romeo. “If I were a very talented Test very fast bowler (and I’m not Archer, sadly) I’d bowl a whole over of yorkers to Smith. Vary the pace, some slow, but mainly 95 mph jobs, right on middle and leg. And if that didn’t work I’d do it again next over, and repeat until it did. At some point, he’d not get his leg out of the way or his bat on it. And I wouldn’t go for many runs.”

Except... you would, because Smith scores most of his runs off his pads. In the last four years, on the CricViz numbers, he averages over 50 to balls on his stumps. The average for top-order batsmen is 15. Smith doesn’t get lbw (18 out of 103 dismissals in Tests) because he’s too good at hitting the ball. He doesn’t miss.

1.31pm BST

The marching band is still going around in the rain. Something about wearing a furry hat in this country makes people think they can treat you horribly.

1.28pm BST

“Ben Stokes will keep bowling to Matthew Wade after the break, hopefully” ... and presumably to Smith with very little hope at all.

Very good, Robin Hazlehurst.

1.26pm BST

If you want something to do during the break, why not Emma’s latest Spin episode. Adam Collins, Andy Bull and Bharat Sundaresan on this Test as well as whether cricket should be in the Olympics and which players should have been booked for Strictly Come Dancing.

1.04pm BST

Quite the first session. Three wickets for England, but they won’t quite feel it was their session because Smith is still there, and looking good. He’s the key again, and whether he can get enough support from a couple of Tasmanian wicketkeepers and the bowlers. England still lead by 178, so one wrong step could see them well on top.

DRS did its job: England would have been robbed had Head not been lopped off, and would have committed a burglary had they got Wade.

12.59pm BST

On your cricket day...

Here it comes. Not heavy, but there. Two minutes before lunch, so we’ll hit the sandwiches early.

12.56pm BST

37th over: Australia 80-4 (Smith 13, Wade 0) Just two slips for Smith already against Broad. Two men out on the hook, plus a backward square leg. Broad isn’t exactly the most threatening with the short ball. He bowls thigh pad, and Smith glances it so crisply that it beats fine leg for four.

12.53pm BST

36th over: Australia 76-4 (Smith 9, Wade 0) Yet another leg-side nudge from Smith gives Wade the strike against Stokes, and from the last ball of the over Stokes thinks that he’s through. Right-armer swinging the ball into the left-hander from over the wicket, beating his flick and nailing him in front of middle. Only problem is it pitched outside leg stump, which looked pretty obvious. Gaffaney gives it out but Wade immediately appeals to a higher authority (not God) and wins.

12.46pm BST

35th over: Australia 75-4 (Smith 8, Wade 0) Broad full to Wade, who plays to square leg but straight to the field. Not afraid to look to score, and he does so again with a bit of width outside off, smashing the square drive straight at Roy at backward point. Good shot but for the exact placement. Wade gives up and blocks straight back down the pitch. Three slips in for him, plus Roy. Cover, mid-off, mid-on, midwicket, long leg. Archer runs over from mid-off to chat to Broad, who then bowls on a length outside off. Sound advice, Jof. A third scoring attempt from Wade goes straight to cover. Three maidens in a row.

George gets his answer from Richard O’Hagan. “I’m about five miles from Slough and it isn’t raining yet. On the other hand, it does look like it will hose it down any moment. Rain to start during lunch would be my guess.”

12.41pm BST

34th over: Australia 75-4 (Smith 8, Wade 0) Ben Stokes on to bowl now, from the Nursery End, and he looks the most likely against Smith in the space of two balls. First he gets some swing past the outside edge, and there’s another of those embarrappeals from the cordon. Then he nearly slants one onto Smith’s pads, and draws a scrappy leading edge in defence. A maiden.

12.38pm BST

33rd over: Australia 75-4 (Smith 8, Wade 0) Broad again, and Wade plays out another maiden solidly. You can even sense his confidence when he’s defending.

12.37pm BST

32nd over: Australia 75-4 (Smith 8, Wade 0) There is a little more pressure for Smith to get the score moving at four down, and he helps that by pulling Woakes for four. Nothing has gone well for Woakes with the short ball today. No score from the rest of the over.

A number of readers are taking issue with my earlier mention of a Louisiana crossroads on the basis that the similar blues-guitar story took place in Mississippi. The Devil gets around, people. He’s running secret crossroad meetings, not a corner store. The British obsession with queuing is untenable.

12.30pm BST

George Davidson emails in. “When I lived in Super Slough and the cricket was on terrestrial, it took exactly 29 mins for the weather to go from us to Lords. Any OBO readers in Slough who can advise when the rain comes please? There’s been a WICKET! Is it Smith? Oh, it’s Head. Slight feeling of disappointment. Great expectations.”

12.28pm BST

31st over: Australia 71-4 (Smith 4, Wade 0) One left-hander for another, for another, for another. Matthew Wade is the latest off the conveyor belt. He plays Broad well at first, defending where needed, playing a hard drive to mid-on when pitched up, and leaving when wide.

12.24pm BST

Broad is fit and firing right now though! He comes from wide on the crease to Head, around the wicket. Angles the ball in sharply. Straightens it down the hill too I fancy, so instead of missing leg stump it would have been crashing into middle. It hits Head under the knee roll, front leg. Somehow, Aleem Dar gives it not out. Two noises, perhaps? The angle confusing him? I don’t know. But th –at’s what the DRS is for – the completely obvious wrong decision. Broad’s appeal had been more a leap of celebration, and England immediately reviewed hadn’t when they saw it hadn’t been upheld. Plumb.

12.23pm BST

30th over: Australia 71-3 (Smith 4, Head 7) Woakes to head, angling up the hill across him, and this time Head manages to play inside the line deliberately. He gets a ball on his legs and glances a single, and it’s time for more Smith shuffling and leaving.

“Although unofficial, I think we might actually be witnessing Jimmy Anderson’s cricketing funeral,” writes a rather morose Jason Ali. “He’s absent and unlikely to return anytime soon; the team have moved on. It’s a rather strange moment.”

12.20pm BST

29th over: Australia 70-3 (Smith 4, Head 6) Broad comes back into the attack for Archer, who has done most of the lifting with 13 overs so far. Broad is bowling wide to Smith trying to get an injudicious stroke, but Smith leaves five alone, and works the one straighter ball for two runs. Doubles his score again. At this rate England are in real trouble.

12.16pm BST

28th over: Australia 68-3 (Smith 2, Head 6) Smith facing Woakes plays the weirdest defensive shot he’s played, and that’s saying something. Walks across and blocks it out to cover, then sidestep crab-shuffles and follows the ball for about three paces, like a goalkeeper moving along his line. Like the ball was somehow going to curve back from cover and try to bowl him? Eventually he tucks a single to double his score. Head plays the way Head plays, pushing hard at a ball for an inside edge past leg stump for two, then compactly driving a ball close enough to his stumps to feel safe against, through cover point for four.

12.13pm BST

27th over: Australia 61-3 (Smith 1, Head 0) Archer is getting movement in the air. He’s around the wicket to the left-handed Head, and a couple in his last over swerved as well, including a bouncer that Bairstow could barely get to. This time he bends one into the pads. The over is a bit erratic, losing it down the leg side here and there, but it’s a maiden and every ball still feels dangerous.

12.05pm BST

Travellers, distant friends, you may listen to all your faves here.

12.04pm BST

Drinks break. “A question from the unsighted,” writes Jonathan Taylor. “Is Archer making the batsmen play? Last night it wasn’t really the corridor of uncertainty – more definitely leave. The ball should have been going down Bakerloo but was going down the Glasgow subway instead. So is he actually making them play or think about playing?”

Mostly he’s been bowling at their sternums, so yes, they’ve played. But when he’s gone to off stump it’s been close enough, yes.

12.01pm BST

26th over: Australia 61-3 (Smith 1, Head 0) Woakes is bowling outswing from the Nursery end, meaning it will go down the hill away from the right-hander. Smith is so confident of his judgement of line that he steps across to one ball and just lets it hit his pad. Outside off stump. Then Woakes gets one down leg side off the hip. The prospect of getting Smith out is so remote that England’s players are too embarrassed to appeal for either. They have the slightest burble of a “Howz....”, like when you thinking someone is waving at you and start to wave back but then you realise and it fizzles into a move of running your fingers through your hair. (The whole sequence could be called: Peter Handscomb.)

11.57am BST

25th over: Australia 61-3 (Smith 1, Head 0) What in the rosy gates of Hell... I swear that Smith must have sold his soul at a Louisiana crossroads one dark night. He is batting on another plane. This is just a single, right. In the scorebook as one. But this... Archer did Bancroft with this delivery six or eight times. Nasty, aggressive, back of a length and sizzling in at the ribs. Bancroft got his several times. He skewed it wide of leg-side catchers a couple of times. His edged it into his body. He couldn’t lay bat on it with any control.

The same ball to Smith? He steps across his stumps, raises his wrists with the height of the ball, rides the bounce, and guides it off the full face of the bat into the ground behind square, into the gap in the field, and away for a run. As calm as you like, as controlled as you like. To get... off the mark. What.

11.52am BST

24th over: Australia 60-3 (Smith 0, Head 0) So. A decent little partnership of 49, survival of 45 minutes on a cloudy morning, and then two wickets fall on the same score. Two men on nought are at the crease. Travis Head, bolshie lefty, pulls his bat inside the line of a Woakes ball, close enough to playing it to make the slip cordon break into song. Head plays at his feet to blunt a yorker. Survives.

11.48am BST

Back to back wickets! Woakes finally gets his line and his length together. Angled across Khawaja, close enough to the stumps to draw a shot, again the batsman pushing from the crease, and this time a simple edge! Twist, meet turn.

11.47am BST

23rd over: Australia 60-2 (Khawaja 36, Smith 0) Well, if there was a buzz before thanks to Archer’s bowling, there certainly is now. Steve Smith walks to the crease. All of England is so preoccupied with him that if he gets out early here, as cricketers sometimes must, the roar might damage the heritage buildings. The last ball is very wide and Smith leaves.

11.42am BST

Not sure this will be out in the end... it looks high. But by the barest of margins, it is! A proper bail-trimmer on the DRS. It was a brilliant delivery from Archer, it was pitched up just enough and seamed in wickedly down the slope. Bancroft was thinking of leaving on the line, then tried desperately to play. It cut in, beat his shot and smashed into his pad, almost outside the line of off. Hitting the knee roll, it looked wide and high for mine on a first glance. But the computer generation suggests it was cutting in as far as middle stump, and clipping the top. Archer’s fine work gets reward!

11.41am BST

22nd over: Australia 60-1 (Bancroft 13, Khawaja 36) Woakes gets his length right in an over to Khawaja, though not so much the line as the batsman is able to leave every ball but one. Still, the lack of short balls will please Richard O’Hagan.

“When I was 11, a group of schoolfriends and I were caught playing football when we had been explicitly told not to do so, and were made to spend a break time standing like statues in the playground. On the basis that England’s bowlers were told to pitch the ball up and let it swing, rather than dropping every delivery short, I reckon they should be sent to guard the square during the next rain break and think about what they’ve done.”

11.37am BST

21st over: Australia 60-1 (Bancroft 13, Khawaja 36) Archer has the smarts to correct immediately, bowling just the one bouncer in this over to Bancroft. Pitches up and looks for something, and again beats a flick to hit the pads, then draws a miscued push through mid-on for a couple of runs. He’s surviving a torrid spell.

11.34am BST

20th over: Australia 58-1 (Bancroft 11, Khawaja 36) First bowling change, with Chris Woakes on for Archer. He’s coming right-arm over the wicket to the left-handed Khawaja, angling across, and drawing a big edge first ball! Flying past Stokes to split slip and gully for four! Woakes bowls the same ball and Khawaja is edging again, stuck on the crease and prodding, but softly enough that this time it bounces to slip. It’s cat and mouse, as Khawaja defends off his pads, then counterpunches as Woakes bowls too short, Khawaja standing up to force off the front foot through cover point. Four, and again with another short ball, this time that batsman using almost an uppercut flick to get the ball through point. Three boundaries from the over, and two near wickets.

“Feeling like it could be Khawaja’s day today,” emails Peter Salmon in timely fashion. “Ever since Barney Ronay described him as ‘skulking around the Australian top six like Banquo’s ghost’ he’s looked out of sorts, but looks he’s due for a career definer. Like when Greg Ritchie scored 146 at Nottingham. That sort of innings.” Very good. Writing alongside Ronay is a bit like playing midfield with Messi. It elevates you, but you’ll never match it.

11.27am BST

19th over: Australia 46-1 (Bancroft 11, Khawaja 24) Archer to Bancroft, and the fireworks continue to pop. Bang! A short ball hits him in the ribs. Fizz! There’s almost a catch down leg, but the ball has just missed glove and lifted over the keeper from Bancroft’s hip. Pop! Bancroft reaches for an outswinger and edges it fine for four! Bancroft goes from 7 to 11, much like a popular convenience store. Crack, shimmer, Archer gets a bit carried away and sends down two more short balls than the over requires. Compelling viewing from right behind the batsman.

11.20am BST

18th over: Australia 38-1 (Bancroft 7, Khawaja 24) Broad is testing out Khawaja, in at the stumps once, twice, thrice... then he slips in the short ball. Bang. It doesn’t get up very high, and Khawaja nails it backward of square. There are two men out though, so they combine to keep the scoring to two. Broad resumes an off-stump attack, and Khawaja resumes a corresponding defence.

11.17am BST

17th over: Australia 36-1 (Bancroft 7, Khawaja 22) Archer now to Bancroft and this is heating up. A sharp bouncer startles the batsman but it started too wide of off stump to really bother him. A couple on a better line tuck him up for room at his ribcage. A fuller ball slides in and hits the pad, going down, then another holds its line up the hill from the Pavilion End to beat the edge! What an over from the man on debut.

11.15am BST

16th over: Australia 36-1 (Bancroft 7, Khawaja 22) Broad is onto his line in his second over, and onto it well. Locks Bancroft down around the off stump, but Bancroft eventually shows one of his skills in managing a simple forward press to find a gap at cover and dart a single. Getting off strike is often undervalued in an opener. It’s not so good for Khawaja though, who is beaten by a beauty to end the over, just outside off and seaming away against the slope from the Nursery end.

11.08am BST

15th over: Australia 35-1 (Bancroft 6, Khawaja 22) Here’s the real business: Jofra Archer. Can he just bowl at both ends? He’s so beautiful to watch with that easy run. I’d happily watch him make a sandwich. Or hang a painting. Or even be on that show where you watch him watching TV. He’s bowling now, drawing a false shot from Bancroft, the attempted flick beating by pace and ballooning in the air behind square leg, but there’s no one there. There is a leg slip, but it goes square of him. To Khawaja, Archer draws a big appeal from the slips as a ball slips down leg and beats the attempted glance.

11.04am BST

14th over: Australia 34-1 (Bancroft 5, Khawaja 22) Good morning from England, all. Thanks JP for the build-up extravaganza. I hope that’s not overstating the case. Stuart Broad starts in understated fashion, with a proper loosener on the thigh pad that Khawaja glances for two. Thanks very much. Then another goes in a similar direction, not quite as short and a bit squarer. Another leg-stumper is flicked square cleanly but a boundary is saved as it goes straight to the man at square leg.

10.59am BST

The players and officials are making their way out to the middle at Lord’s. The clouds have rolled in, it’s cool, and the floodlights are on. England will be hungry for Australian wickets.

Stuart Broad is at the top of his mark... Now it’s over to Geoff.

10.57am BST

Jimmy Anderson has been out warming up, jogging, and rolling his arm over. There’s still little expectation of seeing him in whites before the fourth Test but encouraging nonetheless to see him active.

10.55am BST

Mike Daniels has greater confidence in Jason Roy than some of us. “Roy’s got a perfectly ok technique to play Test Cricket,” he emails. “Those wanting to criticise his technique on the basis of yesterday’s dismissal are barking up the wrong tree. Far more important is the lack of red-ball batting he has had and being asked to open in Test cricket when he doesn’t do that in red-ball cricket anyway. He’s looking out of his comfort zone because he is.”

10.52am BST

Almost time for the five-minute bell. It will be rung today by Shane Keith Warne.

10.48am BST

“I was much excited to see Jason Roy make the transition from ODI to Tests in the mould of Virender Sehwag,” emails Amod Paranjape. “I am no expert but watching him I feel he has changed his game and is much better playing his natural game.”

I’m not sure we’ve seen enough of Roy out in the middle to be certain what he’s doing. It appears to me as though his technique is ill suited to opening against attacks as disciplined as Australia’s at Test level (see Gary Naylor’s tweet below). However, I don’t feel as though I’ve seen him throw the bat at everything and bludgeon his way into Test cricket a la David Warner, which may be the way forward, rather than pretending to be something he isn’t.

10.45am BST

@JPHowcroft @GeoffLemonSport Siddle is the Mark Seymour of cricket.

Thanks Rick. Any excuse to roll out this banger.

10.43am BST

10.40am BST

You don't need data to know that England have batting problems @JPHowcroft. Have a look at the two stills here - https://t.co/m9okhQqAwj. If feet, hands, head and ball are misaligned, how can a batsman be balanced at the crease? And if you're not balanced, you're out pretty soon.

Sky did some lovely analysis on this yesterday, highlighting the box outside of which Roy’s hands should not move, but tend to all to often.

10.38am BST

Nathan Lyon matched Dennis Lillee’s career haul of Test wickets yesterday and as Ali Martin reports the Australian was as unfazed and knockabout as ever at reaching the milestone.

I really struggle to see myself up with the likes of Warne and McGrath. It doesn’t sit well with me. Those guys are legends.

10.33am BST

The TMS link for overseas listeners has been supplied by Peter Crees.

10.31am BST

After watching yesterday’s play, what you would not be minded to do, writes Geoff Lemon, is write about Peter Siddle. So guess what Geoff’s done? He’s only bloomin gone and written about Peter Siddle.

Siddle was not fashionable then nor is he fashionable now. He bowls seam on a length, over and over. He does not have rocket-speed or booming swing. During every match he plays for Australia you will find people questioning his presence, Australia supporters well represented among them. And during every match you will find Siddle striving to do what needs to be done.

10.31am BST

“Currently lying in a hammock in SW France” humblebrags Dan Catton, “as my kids charge around a tree-climbing and zip-wire park. Not a cloud in the sky and beach weather forecast for later.” Ok, ok, we get it. “Given the state of play, should England fans pray for the rain to come sooner or later in St John’s Wood?”

Ask Geoff again in an hour or so. With overcast conditions and a newish ball England will expect to make early inroads into Australia’s batting order this morning. Should they fail then rain will be prayed for. Should they succeed then they’ll want to keep on as long as possible.

10.27am BST

More brilliance from the superb Ben Jones.

For ages, England’s batting returns have been low because on average, the conditions they’ve faced - particularly at home - have been extremely tough.

Typically, they’ve outperformed expectations. In 2019 they haven’t, and so their issues need to be taken seriously. #Ashes https://t.co/DsnRYmGxhL

10.27am BST

“Why are we playing the Ashes in the Autumn rather than in Summer?” asks Paul Cunningham, somewhat rhetorically. “Because the former pinnacle of cricket now has to play second fiddle to the ODI tournament?”

Well, it is still summer, and the World Cup was a roaring success, so I’m not sure we’re going to be on the same page with this one.

10.22am BST

Dean Kinsella is worried. I share his sentiments. “I fear.” he emails. “I fear for England and Wales. I don’t see this ending well. I’m also somewhat concerned that the cricket may not go too well today. Personally, I wouldn’t have taken Broad out of the attack so quickly last evening. He looked like he might have been on a roll. Should have been backed to the hilt and wound up to really blast out some Aussies. Instead, the new toy had to be played with - untested and unable to bowl the right line. England’s next innings will be after some rain and a covered pitch. I fear they will taste Ireland’s dismay from a couple of weeks back. I fear.”

Alternatively, skittle Australia out before lunch, smack a quick 250 on Saturday and have 120+ overs to level the series on a day five pitch? Nah, I don’t think so either.

10.19am BST

Don’t forget that fundraising continues for the Ruth Strauss Foundation following yesterday’s emotional scenes at Lord’s when the home of cricket was resplendent in red and Andrew Strauss ensured there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

10.15am BST

Rory Burns was one of the few England batsmen to prosper yesterday, giving Andy Bull the opportunity to ruminate on the work ethic of the lucky.

Even Burns’s nearest and dearest surely would not say he was a handsome batsman. His stance makes him look as if he spent the previous night sleeping in the front seat of a car. But it works for him, and he weathered two superb spells, one from Josh Hazlewood at the Nursery End and another from Pat Cummins coming in from the Pavilion.

10.11am BST

Speaking of the forecast, here’s some more detail.

Biggest question at Lord's today will be how much cricket gets played before the rain sets in?

It moves in sometime between 12 and 2pm. I'll take a friendly sweep stake for an exact time they come off? #bbccricket | @bbctms | #Ashes pic.twitter.com/KIn6FgZc7D

10.10am BST

Graeme Hull takes line honours for the day’s first email, and he opens the floodgates with a very popular question, for which there is no satisfactory answer. “Given the forecast,” he asks, “is there any real reason why play couldn’t start at 9am to give more real playing time, rather than waiting for the scheduled start?”

10.05am BST

Here’s how the most important 22 yards of cut and rolled London turf look this morning. You’d have to expect the variable bounce we witnessed yesterday will only continue, and it certainly looks dry enough for spin to become increasingly important.

Day three #Ashes pic.twitter.com/4NckJBxDYS

9.58am BST

Before play resumes there’s plenty of time to put the kettle on, make a brew, read the paper and have a chat. What better place to begin than with Vic Marks’s report from day two?

Jofra Archer, Stuart Broad and Jack Leach all hung around long enough for Bairstow to post his 50, his first excursion into double figures in Test cricket this summer. There were signs the old fluency was returning until he attempted to wallop a Lyon off-break into the grandstand. He managed only to find Khawaja at deep square-leg but at least England had crept to a disappointing total rather than a disastrous one.

9.39am BST

Hello everybody and welcome to live OBO coverage of day three of the second Test from Lord’s. After rain washed out Wednesday this contest moved on apace yesterday with 11 wickets falling, leaving the match delicately poised. For the sake of the series England can ill afford to underperform during the opening couple of hours of play this morning.

That said, with the weather forecast as it is we may not actually see more than a couple of hours of play all day. Rain is expected around lunchtime and it is set to linger.

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Published on August 16, 2019 09:46

August 14, 2019

Mission possible: is this how you get Steve Smith out? | Rob Smyth

England will put their faith in two bowlers who did not play at Edgbaston, Jack Leach and Jofra Archer, to cause the imperious Australian batsman a few problems at Lord’s

Jack Leach might have played at Lord’s anyway, given Moeen Ali’s loss of confidence, but a stat doing the rounds during the first Test at Edgbaston certainly helped his cause. Steve Smith has a Test average of 35 against orthodox left-arm spin; against any other type of bowling he averages 70. The stat needs to be qualified – he struggled against the great Sri Lankan Rangana Herath on some viciously turning pitches – but equally it cannot be ignored. And the disparity is becoming more pronounced: CricViz stats show that, since May 2016, Smith averages 22 against left-arm spin and 96 against the rest.

Smith’s Test average v each type of bowler (career)

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Published on August 14, 2019 11:37

Ashes 2019: England v Australia second Test, day one washed out – as it didn't happen

Updates from the opening day of play at Lord’sVic Marks: England hope for instant Archer impactAny thoughts? Email Geoff here or tweet him here

4.47pm BST

Who does a washout benefit? Obviously there’s more chance of a draw, with a day lost to rain. Is that to Australia’s advantage, with one fewer match for England to make up the series deficit? Is it to England’s, to nullify a ground where Australian teams have played well for over a century? The wilds of the north will be different. Of course, we’ll have extended hours over the next four days and might well still get a result. But if any more rain comes – and there are bits and pieces forecast – we’ll lose serious time with each delay.

Let’s come back tomorrow to see what happens next. Thanks to Rob Smyth for being my comrade in damp, and everyone else for playing along on THE RAIN SHOW! Until next time.

4.43pm BST

“550 tests out of 2355, but how many days commentating?” asks Mark Lewis. “Something statisticians might (struggle to) get their teeth into. How many of the 550 tests were washouts, 3 day drubbings, etc? Where would one begin!?”

4.34pm BST

Smart footy.

@GeoffLemonSport I was livid when I didn’t get the 1st day ticket in the Lord’s ballot, ended up buying a 5th day ticket as a consolation - this is turning out to be a master stroke on my part thanks to the weather #Ashes

4.31pm BST

Good stat from some sentient books.

@GeoffLemonSport I think JCW MacBryan at Manchester in 1924 didn't get onto the field on his only Test appearance

4.28pm BST

@GeoffLemonSport

Are you made of sugar ?
This is the question posed to me by my colleagues here in sport-loving Czech Republic

Why are our highly paid well-toned cricketers so hydrophobic

I know, I know... but it’s about the ball, innit? It gets wet and soggy and it doesn’t work. And it’s about the pitch: it gets boggy and then dries and then you need Victor Trumper dancing about to make a match-high 37. And it’s the combination of ball and pitch, because if you thunk a bouncer into the mud it won’t bounce at all, it’ll just stick there in the divot like a strawberry in icing.

4.21pm BST

That’s it folks. We will not get on today after the soaking that the ground has taken. So the traditionalists will get their wish: the Lord’s Test will start on a Thursday after all. Though the iconoclasts will get their wish too: another four-day Test match. That was plenty of time when Ireland visited a few weeks ago, and it might well be plenty of time for us here.

4.19pm BST

Alright then. Bill Frindall’s obituary suggests 377 Tests professionally, and as he took that job at the age of 27, probably had a couple of dozen before that. The Wisden piece below had Richie Benaud’s tally at 486, but that was when the piece was written in the Ashes summer of 2002-03. Richie had another three summers in England and another nine or ten summers in Australia, so you can probably add another 65 or so to that, round it out at 550 or so. Today, if we get on, is Test 2355. So even today Richie would have seen almost a quarter of all Tests ever played.

4.05pm BST

“Isn’t it likely that Bill Frindall saw more Tests than Aggers, CMJ or any other TMS person? He always seemed to be on duty during every session of every match. At least in what remains of my memory.”

Good point from Kim Thonger: the scorers do tend to see more cricket than the callers. Andy Zaltzman was at more than 30 World Cup matches this summer, for instance. But I don’t know how much Bill Frindall toured overseas – others can advise. And I don’t know that he did matches other than England’s. Someone like Benaud covered two countries’ seasons every year.

3.59pm BST

“There doesn’t seem to be any mention of the toss having been made. Surely the rain doesn’t need to stop that part of the game, or do the rules say otherwise? It’s not like they would have had a re-toss if it started bucketing down straight after, so the argument that it would affect what the winner would choose seems irrelevant. It would at least give us something to dissect. Am I wrong?”

Well... yes, Nick Mills, if I can be so indelicate. You are. You’re not wrong about there being no mention of the toss, because there hasn’t been one. But of course a captain after days of lost time and lots of moisture affecting the conditions might make a different decision at the toss. You can’t ask someone to decide on one day what they might not start doing until four days later. They haven’t even formally named teams yet, because the match hasn’t formally begun.

3.56pm BST

Hello, English friends. Hello everyone else too. I can answer one question below about who has seen the most Test cricket: this is Jim Maxwell’s 305th Test match attended in a professional capacity. He may not track these numbers but I do. Throw in perhaps another 20 that he would have watched in Sydney before starting professional work in 1973, and you’ve got a decent number. Scyld Berry though of the Telegraph has seen upward of 400 Test matches, and if I remember the story correctly had never missed a Lord’s Test in his lifetime until last year when his daughter’s wedding fell on that weekend. I wonder if it was a test.

3.51pm BST

That’s it from me for now. Geoff will be with you until the inevitable abandonment - bye.

3.43pm BST

Meanwhile, in Port-of-Spain, West Indies are 114-0 after 1o overs against India. And it’s not even a T20 match. (Thanks to Rob Smith for alerting me to that.)

3.35pm BST

“I recall that about five players were given new caps in the England v Ireland ODI in May 2015,” says Paul Chandler. “I don’t think a ball was bowled that day. Certainly not more than a few overs. Not sure if all those players went on to get more caps.”

That was Zafar Ansari’s only ODI appearance, but it’s in the book because 18 overs were bowled (though none by him). He also went on to play three Tests. The other debutants in that ODI were Jason Roy, James Vince, Mark Wood and David Willey, whose subsequent exploits need no further descIT ONLY BLOODY WELL CAME HOME!

3.31pm BST

“I remember reading a while back that, before he passed away, Richie probably had a good claim to have watched the most live Test cricket of any human being, ever,” says Neil Stewart. “Richie obviously can’t add to his match tally now, and there must now be some other candidates to nominate. Clive Lloyd seems a good bet, or perhaps Geoffrey Boycott. Jim Maxwell or even Jonathan Agnew. Ranjan Madugalle seems to referee every match I’ve been to. Do you or readers have other nominees?”

I don’t – but Wisden 2003 does.

3.24pm BST

It’s now pouring down at Lord’s. Plotspoiler: ain’t gonna be no cricket today.

3.24pm BST

“Has any unfortunate ever been given their national cap without ever getting on the field for their country?” asks Sean Clayton. “And would they have to give the cap back if it did happen?”

I suspect the answer to both questions is no. The one person who does come to mind is poor Alan Jones.

3.20pm BST

“Was any cricketer as universally loved (particularly in England and Australia) as Richie Benaud?” muses William Charlton. “Did any cricketer do as much both on and off the field? His integrity and impartiality shone like a beacon. Could we not honour his greatness with a statue at one of our Test grounds?”

I agree, Benaud was cricket’s best friend. There is a statue of him at the Sydney Cricket Ground; I suppose people would say there are English players more deserving of a statue at the Test grounds in this country. I don’t feel strongly either way, I just want a quiet life.

3.16pm BST

“Dear Rob,” says Jason Ali. “I have a query related to Jofra Archer’s debut Test cap. If the entire match was washed out, would his cap truly count?”

No, it wouldn’t. The last time that happened in an England Test, I think, was in Guyana in 1990.

3.07pm BST

‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation

Twenty-nine years ago today, a 17-year-old Sachin Tendulkar made a glorious maiden Test century.

3.04pm BST

All hail the Marmy Army

The ‘Marmy Army’ is a brand-new group formed of loyal and faithful Marmite fans. The newly established team will be outside the UK’s major cricket grounds, hoping to bowl over Aussies with the taste of Marmite and declare them lovers of Britain’s favourite savoury toast topper. pic.twitter.com/IZfqqxLjfx

2.59pm BST

I’m sorry to say it’s raining again, and I fear that might be it for today. Heavy rain is forecast for between 3-5pm.

2.54pm BST

If the match does start, the afternoon session with be 3.30-5.10pm, with the evening session from 5.30-7pm.

2.52pm BST

Jofra Archer has been handed his Test cap by Chris Jordan, which is a nice touch.

2.41pm BST

Play will start at 3.30pm, caveats permitting.

2.39pm BST

We’re going to get some cricket! (If there’s no more rain)

The toss will take place at 3pm, with the match starting at I’llgetbacktoyou.

2.38pm BST

The imaginary prize for email of the day goes to...

“The first Test was my first real experience of watching SPD Smith,” says Robert Ellson. “I think watching him bat is essentially like going through the five stages of grief. At first, denial: you watch him shuffle across his stumps and think he’s going to get out LBW every ball. Then anger: you can’t believe this joker is getting so lucky as to play across his pads and never miss it.

2.34pm BST

“Inspection by Leftfield?” muses James Debens. “That’s bare lame from the insomniac’s boyfriend, Boris Starling, my superannuated amigo. All we hep daddios are grooving to the Balearic beatz of Introspection by MGMT, only the band that Can could have been. Introspection was a cover of a deeply obscure psychedelic cut by Faine Jane. As in the Edge is faine...”

Can anyone translate?

2.33pm BST

“Good to see we are still in with a shout in this Test,” says Ian Copestake. “Loved your Joy of Six, sir. Go on, give it a plug!”

Oh go on then.

2.29pm BST

“Afternoon Rob,” says Matt Emerson. “The article on GD McGrath had me scuttling off to Statsguru. Here’s the list of the England batsmen who had the best average when McGrath was playing for Australia (min 5 matches). No surprise to see KP highest – his average is actually under 40 when McGrath isn’t in the side. Cook’s average of 27.60 v 42.63 when McGrath wasn’t playing is an interesting counterpoint...”

I’d be loath to read too much into that Cook stat, simply because he only played one series against McGrath. Mind you, I’d love to see head-to-head data from the 1980s and 1990s. I remember producing some statistical F.U.N. before the 2002-03 Ashes, and found that Ponting averaged something like 160 against Caddick and 20 against Gough.

2.25pm BST

“How’s the panel going?” says Emma John. “I’m doing one on the best country music alter egos… it’s pretty niche. But it did introduce me to Lester ‘Roadhog’ Moran and the Cadillac Cowboys.”

When you say pretty niche. As for Smith, I’ve cracked the case - all we need is a flux capacitor and Chris Tremlett.

2.22pm BST

“Dear Rob,” says Boris Starling. “Whenever I see the word ‘inspection’ in an OBO, I think of this (frankly epic) Leftfield track.”

You and nones of others, I suspect. Great song, though. They’ve done some rare old corkers. Snake Blood, which I think was done for the film The Beach, is my favourite.

2.12pm BST

The umpires will inspect against at 2.30pm. They are worried about a few damp patches on the outfield.

2.11pm BST

The umpires are inspecting at their leisure. If it stays dry I suspect play will start around 3pm, but there have been smaller ifs.

2.06pm BST

“How to get Smith out?” muses Matt Dony. “Hmmm. If there’s one thing I know about Australians, it’s that they flipping love You’re The Voice by John Farnham. Regular blasts of that through the PA, then when he starts joining in with the ‘Whooohooohooooaah’ bits in closed-eyed rapture, send Archer in to demolish the stumps. I’m not one for the moral high ground.”

1.57pm BST

“Archer is the key to dismissing Steve Smith,” says Ian Batch. “The fact he bowls so close to the stumps (bowlers end) and fast, means that Smith’s trigger movement across the stumps will make him more susceptible to LBW because he can’t get outside the line of off stump like he can to those that deliver from wider on the crease.

“Archer should also bowl a knuckle ball an over with a catching cover and midwicket in place so that any mistimed shot can be taken – similar to Maxwell’s dismissal in the WC semi-final when he was through his shot early and completely deceived. The faster you bowl, the harder it is to detect the slower ball, so ideally one after a very slippery bouncer would be my instruction.”

1.51pm BST

“Rob,” says Bob O’Hara. “Does the apocalyptic forecast for later just mean that England will be batting first?”

1.37pm BST

Inspection at 2pm!

It has stopped raining and the covers are coming off, though the forecast for later is apocalyptic. Don’t get your hopes up.

1.32pm BST

Have you listened to this week’s Spin podcast? If not, do so at your earliest convenience - it’s a gem.

1.24pm BST

“There doesn’t seem to be any mention of the toss,” says Nick Mills. “Surely the rain doesn’t need to stop that part of the game, or do the rules say otherwise? It’s not like they would have had a re-toss if it started bucketing down straight after the toss had been held, so the argument that it would affect what the winner of the toss would choose seems irrelevant. It would at least give us something to dissect. Am I wrong?”

You are. They only toss up when they have a scheduled start time. That seems fair to me, because the captain who wins the toss deserves to have a vague idea of the conditions in which the game will start. Also, both teams need to name their final XI at the toss. If England had to pick a team today, they might choose Curran over Leach. If the game doesn’t start until tomorrow, and the sun shines as expected, they’d be much more likely to choose Leach.

1.13pm BST

The Lord’s bogeyman

Nobody does nostalgia as well as Scott Oliver, and this is a masterful piece on the man who shattered a million English dreams.

Of the 30 Ashes Tests he played, McGrath only lost one when the urn was still on the line. If you were an England batsman of the '90s and '00s, chances were pretty high he had your scalp in his bag@reverse_sweeper on the cricketer he hates to lovehttps://t.co/7wz3Dpr1bP

1.03pm BST

Thanks Geoff, hello everyone. Nothing much to report, so I’m going to proceed with a panel on how the flip England can dismiss Steve Smith. If anyone changes at Lord’s, you’ll hear it here fourth.

12.56pm BST

And last before lunch it’s Neil Truby. The rain is still coming down, the ground is drenched, and the food smells good. I’m about to be carried away on the scent like Yogi Bear. Battery is down to 7%. What happened there?

“Here in Somerset, whence London’s weather comes, it’s not exactly sunny, but it’s no longer raining, and with a drying breeze. I’ve already been outside to check whether the Husqvarna can go on yet, with a further inspection due at 1.30. Weather travels at 30mph I believe so you should be good for a 5pm start.”

12.53pm BST

“I thought some OBO readers might like to see real-time footage of the weather at Lord’s, so here’s a link to the webcam at the zebra crossing outside Abbey Road Studios which is 400 metres away from the ground. You scroll down and click on the red ‘live’ button to get it.”

Very thoughtful from Romeo.

12.52pm BST

Martin Gillam emails in happily. “The rain delay has a huge bonus for we Australians watching Channel 9 here – they’re replaying the 2006-07 test from Adelaide. Wonder how that will turn out?”

12.51pm BST

We’re down to 18% with 10 minutes to go. Can we nurse this blog through until Smyth saves the day?

12.46pm BST

“I thought that ‘not clever’ was an example of litotes, but it’s been a very long time since I studied grammar and am probably mistaken,” writes Ben Powell. Aside from litotes sounding like things that grow on your tonsils, that’s true, it is a positive expressed by the negative. My thought is just that the adjective doesn’t match because cleverness is an attribute of a sentient being acting deliberately, not a fortunate turn of events. Good and clever are not synonyms, even if cleverness is generally good.

12.42pm BST

If you want an update to show how professional this operation is, my laptop cord has now given up the ghost and we’re on 23% battery life with 18 minutes until the lunch break. Hmmm. Like this match, the last life is slowly leaching away.

12.30pm BST

“I think cricket’s use of language adds to the charm,” writes Dave Adams. “I love the Australian use of ‘ordinary’, which is similar to when you hear commentators say a batsman averaging 7.9 in a series is ‘pretty moderate’ when they actually mean ‘dismal’, ‘shocking’, or just ‘shit’. There’s a fine line between cowardly and diplomatic, and I guess it’s difficult to be too harsh on a player as a journalist if you’re reliant on them being willing to give you an interview at some point.
By the way - forecast says it’s going to stop raining (properly this time) in 53 minutes...”

I’ll believe it when I see it.

12.27pm BST

“I used to have a knack of coming to Ashes Tests on wet days,” writes Tim Sanders. “The Friday at Lords in 1977 was the last rain in England for 3 months. The Sunday at Headingley in 2001 had just enough play to avoid refunds, and led to Gilchrist’s bold declaration. The Saturday at Old Trafford in 2005 gave me a treasured memory of my late father-in-law, as he sat alone in the stand attempting the crossword as the Yorkshire Post turned to papier mâché in his hands.

“So when my son and I made our way to Trent Bridge on a cloudy Thursday morning in 2015, I was pessimistic. However, that day turned out OK for most of those present. I’m convinced that it was Joe Root and Jonny Bairstow’s batting that made the sun come out that afternoon.”

12.10pm BST

“I can’t wait to see how you keep yourself entertained over four days of rain at Old Trafford. I think we might see the emergence of ‘Canal Walking With Geoff Lemon’ as an OBO highlight.”

Bring me a raincoat will you, Grif? I’ll need a local one.

12.07pm BST

The rain came back, if you hadn’t guessed. It’s really just a matter of when we call it off now, though a decent wedge of crowd remains under the roofs. May as well be here as anywhere, I suppose? If you want something else to do while we wait, have a listen to Our Emma and her Spin podcast.

11.51am BST

“Good morning, Geoff.”

Good morning, Graham Samuel-Gibbon!

11.43am BST

“I am having a disturbing vision involving a lemon-yellow Australia shirt slithering off David Boon’s broad and hairy chest before he reaches for a squiggly-writing “laaaaaaady’s” shirt, saying “Don’t judge me” as Jonny Bairstow looks at him askance, moodily handling a pair of purple sparkly balls. The rain means I might now get to bed this evening here in Australia but that vision has now ruined any chance I have of sleep. Cheers, Geoff.”

Jane Evans, that sounds more like a dream to me. Jump straight in the middle of that situation. A melange of eras, a meld of minds. Adventures on the astral plane beat commutes on the bus.

11.41am BST

I think it has stopped raining in the most immediate sense, because the ground staff are out there sweeping water to the edges of the covers, but I’m sure it will start again soon enough.

11.40am BST

Thanks to David Peacock for unearthing the Brendan Taylor report. I assume it was a dealership promotion where you get one Zimbabwe player for free with each purchase.

11.38am BST

“There’s nearly always live sport at Lord’s if you know where to look,” writes Michael Keane. “Having done the shop, if you you get really desperate you can pop in to the real tennis court. Spare a thought for the players though - the roof has had a leak for quite a few weeks and that floor gets slippy.”

I will be in there within the hour, I reckon.

11.37am BST

Alastair Ferguson is the fastest gun in the West.

11.32am BST

If someone can send me the TMS overseas link, I’ll disseminate it more widely. Better yet, tell me where to find it on an ongoing basis.

11.26am BST

“The best rain delay I experienced was at a one-day cup semi final between Notts and Durham at the Home of Cricket (Trent Bridge),” writes Daniel Dalby. “My friend and I met Paul Collingwood and Samit Patel (a true cricket legend) early doors. Due to certain contacts that I wouldn’t like to incriminate we had a half-price bar for the day. The heavens opened from 3 until 7, and the match was reduced to 20 overs a side. Samit Patel ripped through the Durham top order and smashed the ball to all corners. My friend was seen on local news, dancing to celebrate a six behind a very serious Mick Newell interview. I think the Notts players had a similar time, based on us seeing them in a bar later in the day and Brendan Taylor waking up the following morning in a stranger’s car in West Bridgeford.”

11.22am BST

Ryan Loonan went to quite some lengths to watch Lancashire play in a T20 quarter-final at Old Trafford.

“I arrived on Friday, it rained, it rained a bit more, and we were told to return the next day to do it all over again. Saturday came and rain was in the air. The game started at 14:00 and stopped 4 or 5 times, each one a swift shower followed by a 45-minute mopping up job. The thousand or so people in the ground got pretty efficient in their exits from the stands. There were a couple of games of varying quality against the bins under the stands. Every time we thought we were getting somewhere, more rain would come, and people were trying to find ball by ball DLS targets. At around 7pm, two days culminated in Glamorgan needing 15 runs to win off the final over. They scored 13 and Lancs won the day.”

11.19am BST

Back in the day TMS was always at its best in the rain,” emails JP. “Burbling was happily raised into art. Reminiscence was especially purple and dewy-eyed and often rheumy-eyed. Titans of the past had a weather-fuelled space and soapbox in which to ferociously berate every misguided venture and sin of modernity and it’s younger denizens. Gluttony abounded, and tippling too apparently. It was always something of a disappointment when the clouds parted and the (much less interesting) game could recommence.”

I rather enjoy the rain blogs more than the play blogs sometimes, if we’re honest. More of a stroll, less of a beep-test sprint foreshadowing arthritis. I can pop upstairs and see how much tippling is going on in the TMS box. They do have a fair few magnums of champagne floating about for one of their awards.

11.16am BST

“Whilst your piece about the umbrellas was almost poetic,” writes Alistair M, “I do wonder how many such pieces you can come up with for the rest of the day. When do you get to quit and do something else? Our cat isn’t letting persistent, almost torrential rain prevent her from sitting in next door’s garden. Clearly a better option than a house.”

Almost poetic. That’s a review I would have accepted gladly when I wrote poetry. Never try to understand cats, anyone. You know that by now. As for the opening question, I will be here writing almost poetry until play is called off or until Rob Smyth carries my cold rigid husk out to the bonfire.

11.14am BST

“The 113 was the bus we took from home in Cricklewood during my 8 years of London life,” writes Paul Blundell. “It was only for going to Lord’s for whatever game was most interesting that summer that our backpacker’s budget could allow.
My overwhelming memory is it raining every time...”

11.10am BST

Surely Mr Seaman should be able to handle some wet weather?

How’s my luck??? First time ever I’ve got tickets to watch England play at #Lords... #Ashes2019 #Ashes pic.twitter.com/vGTAbn9jzh

11.06am BST

Raymond Reardon has some helpful advice for us all. “The internet site for St John’s Wood needs updating as it currently states that sunrise was supposed to be 5.45am. Also Geoff, if you are delayed at the liquid mood enhancer parlour today, also note that the last 113 bus today leaves at 0.38am Thursday.”

I’m going to be sleeping under the desk, aren’t I?

11.03am BST

Dave Adams has sent me a screenshot of the radar. “This doesn’t look too clever, but it’s moving slowly eastwards. Play by 14:30 is my super-optimistic shout...”

It’s interesting, the English use of ‘not clever’ for something just being not good. Especially inanimate things or events or situations. It confuses my brain a bit because my understanding of cleverness involves intent. This is your linguistic thought for the day.

10.58am BST

And that’s it. Your exciting tour through the Lord’s shop. Don’t say you haven’t got your money’s worth today. (I am expecting a kickback shipment of purple sparkly cricket balls to land at my door shortly.)

10.57am BST

These are your hat choices: sad Trevor Bayliss bucket droop, or annoying prat who will cancel your lease with three days' notice and say it's just what the market demands. pic.twitter.com/f21QzWuCtr

10.54am BST

These are the most popular items in the shop: umbrellas, blankets, and Siddle hats. pic.twitter.com/dSwZDez0N0

10.51am BST

This is Jonny Bairstow looking gruff and pensive and like he would ride the rails across this whole wide land to get back to your town and win your heart. pic.twitter.com/45QKwz8qIN

10.47am BST

This is a purple sparkly cricket ball, which is an intrinsic social good. pic.twitter.com/HV26raGfSy

10.46am BST

This is Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, which is not on sale at the shop. An oversight. pic.twitter.com/e8Xqs687a3

10.43am BST

This is a ladies shirt, especially for ladies. Not because it's pink - pink is the Middlesex colour. But because it has swirly calligraphic writing. Ladies love swirly writing. Right? pic.twitter.com/99lbIYhzuF

10.43am BST

Here is a retro Australia shirt, in authentic 1992 satinate polyester! Just the sort that used to slither on and off David Boon's body with a whisper. pic.twitter.com/RmT6MlJEBv

10.37am BST

Because it's raining at the cricket, here are some of the fun things you can find in the Lord's shop.

Firstly, a crowd. There's nothing else to do and it's dry inside. Almost all of this crowd is a queue. pic.twitter.com/f00Q47braB

10.30am BST

I have been off round the ground again to curate some Top Quality Online Content™ for you. One moment.

10.14am BST

Of course you can still email me or tweet me if you like. Let me know your rain stories. What’s the most fun you’ve had during a rain delay? What was the least? What was the smartest or stupidest time that you played the rain card the night before?

10.11am BST

One thing I’ve learned a lot about this summer is umbrella etiquette. In Australia, it has to be raining for about three days straight before more than 0.1% of people remember to bring an umbrella out of the house. Here, the first drop of precipitation and bang: up go a forest of brollies. Then you have to work out footpath spacing and walking trails as everyone has a wider profile, and for the taller people among us there are a lot of metal spines at eyeball height. And yet it seems to work. People naturally take slightly wider berths and the umbrellas zip seamlessly between one another like a water ballet. It’s a wonder to watch.

10.00am BST

Ok, I’ve taken a tour on foot around Lord’s to bring you the latest. It is... wet. Not Noah wet, but maybe a half-Noah. There were more people leaving the ground than coming in, which frankly seems like good common sense. The ones remaining are some hardy Australians who have nothing better to do because none of our Prime Ministers is being deposed right this minute. The covers are on tight and the runoff hoses are pouring torrents out near the boundary line. Let’s settle in for more of the same.

9.38am BST

Good morning from London, buckaroos. Good other times in other parts of the world. Good different times again if you are simply astral travelling, beyond the plane of time as we understand it in a linear dimension. Good existence!

I am not astral travelling, I am 113 bus travelling. It is absolutely tipping down with rain in London, and I fear this may be something we repeat an untoward number of times.

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Published on August 14, 2019 08:50

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