Tim Atkinson's Blog, page 29
April 7, 2017
The Plains of Troy
It's not often we feature fiction here. (There are those who classify all my posts as such, but I digress...)
This is proper fiction - flash, to be precise, and it comes from the pen of the talented author of the debut novel, Ashael Rising. Shona Kinsella is an Unbound author with a up-and-coming bestseller on her hands. She's also a talented writer with an ability to rise to pretty much any creative challenge. Like the one I set her.
Write a piece of flash fiction; write to a prompt; make it witty; make it entertaining; make it memorable. Oh yes, the prompt? The Plains of Troy. Here's her story...
Dust hung in the air, kicked up by the feet of an army. Polomedes rubbed his nose and sighed. He hated this dry and dusty plain more than he had ever hated anywhere. It had been eight years camped outside Troy. Eight years away from his wife and child – all because Menelaus couldn’t keep his own wife. Polomedes stopped and took a long drink of water from his canteen, then poured a little of the precious liquid into his hand and used it to wash the dust from his face. He didn’t know why he bothered – his face would be coated again in moments. He lowered the canteen and continued his inspection of the perimeter of the camp.
The army had long since grown lax in their security. The Trojans seemed content to stay inside their walls, sending the occasional volley of arrows towards the Achaeans but rarely venturing out. All around the ragged edges of the camp lived the camp-followers, those who did not fight but followed the army. Polomedes would send them all away if he could but he did not command here.
The soldier rounded a wall of tents housing camp followers to see that they backed up
to a scraggly wall of bushes.Who allowed this? he thought, angrily. Allowing the camp to spread so close to cover was practically inviting outsiders in. Polomedes drew his sword and swung it at the bushes,heedless of the damage that might be done to his blade. As he hacked away, he imagined fighting the Trojans, freeing the Lady Helen so they could all go home at last. He got increasingly agitated and came back to himself only when he was sweating and panting.
As he stood there, bent over and trying to catch his breath, he noticed movement on the other side of the remaining bushes. He crept through, hoping to surprise an enemy,someone to fight! Instead he saw a maiden, fair of face and form. She was dressed in the style of the Trojans and had a brace of hares slung over her shoulder. She stood before him, frozen as a deer before a hunter. Polomedes stepped towards her, though whether to challenge or protect her, he wasn’t sure.
“Paul Cairns, have you been listening to a word I’ve said?”
Paul blinked. The camp was gone. He was back in his history classroom, the warm sun beating down on his back and making him dozy. Kelly had turned around in her seat and was watching him, an amused smile on her face.
“Well, Mr Cairns? How long were the Achaeans camped outside the walls of Troy?”
“Ten years, sir,” Paul answered without hesitation.
Mr Atkinson gave him a long look. “Indeed. Do try not to daydream so obviously in my class in future.”
“Yes, sir.’ Paul blushed and tried to avoid Kelly’s eyes as Mr Atkinson turned to face the rest of the class.
“Who can tell me what happened in the tenth year of the siege?” the teacher asked.
Shona Kinsella is a fantasy author who lives in the west of Scotland with her husband and three children. Her debut novel, Ashael Rising, was published by Unbound in February 2017 is available purchase from Amazon, Unbound and all major book retailers. Find out more at www.shonakinsella.com or follow her on Twitter.
This is proper fiction - flash, to be precise, and it comes from the pen of the talented author of the debut novel, Ashael Rising. Shona Kinsella is an Unbound author with a up-and-coming bestseller on her hands. She's also a talented writer with an ability to rise to pretty much any creative challenge. Like the one I set her.
Write a piece of flash fiction; write to a prompt; make it witty; make it entertaining; make it memorable. Oh yes, the prompt? The Plains of Troy. Here's her story...
Dust hung in the air, kicked up by the feet of an army. Polomedes rubbed his nose and sighed. He hated this dry and dusty plain more than he had ever hated anywhere. It had been eight years camped outside Troy. Eight years away from his wife and child – all because Menelaus couldn’t keep his own wife. Polomedes stopped and took a long drink of water from his canteen, then poured a little of the precious liquid into his hand and used it to wash the dust from his face. He didn’t know why he bothered – his face would be coated again in moments. He lowered the canteen and continued his inspection of the perimeter of the camp.
The army had long since grown lax in their security. The Trojans seemed content to stay inside their walls, sending the occasional volley of arrows towards the Achaeans but rarely venturing out. All around the ragged edges of the camp lived the camp-followers, those who did not fight but followed the army. Polomedes would send them all away if he could but he did not command here.
The soldier rounded a wall of tents housing camp followers to see that they backed up
to a scraggly wall of bushes.Who allowed this? he thought, angrily. Allowing the camp to spread so close to cover was practically inviting outsiders in. Polomedes drew his sword and swung it at the bushes,heedless of the damage that might be done to his blade. As he hacked away, he imagined fighting the Trojans, freeing the Lady Helen so they could all go home at last. He got increasingly agitated and came back to himself only when he was sweating and panting.
As he stood there, bent over and trying to catch his breath, he noticed movement on the other side of the remaining bushes. He crept through, hoping to surprise an enemy,someone to fight! Instead he saw a maiden, fair of face and form. She was dressed in the style of the Trojans and had a brace of hares slung over her shoulder. She stood before him, frozen as a deer before a hunter. Polomedes stepped towards her, though whether to challenge or protect her, he wasn’t sure.
“Paul Cairns, have you been listening to a word I’ve said?”
Paul blinked. The camp was gone. He was back in his history classroom, the warm sun beating down on his back and making him dozy. Kelly had turned around in her seat and was watching him, an amused smile on her face.
“Well, Mr Cairns? How long were the Achaeans camped outside the walls of Troy?”
“Ten years, sir,” Paul answered without hesitation.
Mr Atkinson gave him a long look. “Indeed. Do try not to daydream so obviously in my class in future.”
“Yes, sir.’ Paul blushed and tried to avoid Kelly’s eyes as Mr Atkinson turned to face the rest of the class.
“Who can tell me what happened in the tenth year of the siege?” the teacher asked.
Shona Kinsella is a fantasy author who lives in the west of Scotland with her husband and three children. Her debut novel, Ashael Rising, was published by Unbound in February 2017 is available purchase from Amazon, Unbound and all major book retailers. Find out more at www.shonakinsella.com or follow her on Twitter.
March 28, 2017
A spoonful of sugar...
Anyone who's ever had to give medicine to babies and small children (how do I make sure she gets the right dose/swallows it all/doesn't choke/spit it out?) will be interested in this.
Mum-of-two Dorota Dyk has invented a simple, mess free solution that gives greater control - safely positioning the syringe in the right place and requiring the use of only one hand to dispense the medicine.
Here she is, talking about it.
This invaluable little invention (which has already generated interest from children’s hospitals like Great Ormond Street, Alder Hay, Sheffield and Manchester) is currently live on Kickstarter.
But the campaign will finish in a week so there is not much time left. If you'd like to help fund the first batch of MEDAPTI here is the link to the campaign:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/400491693/medapti-safer-and-more-effective-way-to-give-medic
Do support it if you can.
You never know when such a small device might be so very useful.
Mum-of-two Dorota Dyk has invented a simple, mess free solution that gives greater control - safely positioning the syringe in the right place and requiring the use of only one hand to dispense the medicine.
Here she is, talking about it.
This invaluable little invention (which has already generated interest from children’s hospitals like Great Ormond Street, Alder Hay, Sheffield and Manchester) is currently live on Kickstarter.
But the campaign will finish in a week so there is not much time left. If you'd like to help fund the first batch of MEDAPTI here is the link to the campaign:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/400491693/medapti-safer-and-more-effective-way-to-give-medic
Do support it if you can.
You never know when such a small device might be so very useful.
March 24, 2017
Reject!
I don't often talk about my work-in-progress. That way, I can avoid failure and rejection as a topic of conversation.
But I'm going to 'fess up to having been given the cold shoulder by the BBC in their latest Writers Room drama script submission window.
Now, my script might not have been perfect. It might not even have been any good. But it was a cracking idea, combining the 90th anniversary of the inauguration of the Menin Gate, Ypres (in July this year) with a bit of BBC history - their first overseas (and only their second-ever) outside broadcast.
Yes, on Sunday 27th July 1927 the Beeb broadcast the ceremony on telephone lines all the way from Ypres. Ambitious, to say the least, seeing as their only previous outside broadcast was of the boat race.
I'd done plenty of research into the Menin Gate as part of the work on my book, The Glorious Dead. I was intrigued by the broadcast, looked into its history and managed to find all the details on the ceremony.
Next came the decision to create as main character the dying mayor of Ypres, Rene Colaert, a man who'd been there when the Germans arrived in 1914 (was taken hostage when they left), saw his town's destruction and then supervision its rebuilding. He was too ill to attend the ceremony so... he listened to the broadcast (in English) with the window of his bedroom (through which he could - just - see the Menin Gate itself) open.
Notwithstanding all I've said about my shortcomings as a dramatist (manifold) I still can’t quite believe the BBC have passed up such a good idea. Believe me, they (ideas you know are pretty special) don't come often. So when they do...
If they'd written to say 'your script is pants but we want to develop the idea' I'd have been happy. As it is, and as is the suspicious way of people who spend their days in their own heads, I'm now convinced some bugger’s going to nick it, so… here are the first few pages. And if anyone else wants to do it, get in touch.
But I'm going to 'fess up to having been given the cold shoulder by the BBC in their latest Writers Room drama script submission window.
Now, my script might not have been perfect. It might not even have been any good. But it was a cracking idea, combining the 90th anniversary of the inauguration of the Menin Gate, Ypres (in July this year) with a bit of BBC history - their first overseas (and only their second-ever) outside broadcast.
Yes, on Sunday 27th July 1927 the Beeb broadcast the ceremony on telephone lines all the way from Ypres. Ambitious, to say the least, seeing as their only previous outside broadcast was of the boat race.
I'd done plenty of research into the Menin Gate as part of the work on my book, The Glorious Dead. I was intrigued by the broadcast, looked into its history and managed to find all the details on the ceremony.
Next came the decision to create as main character the dying mayor of Ypres, Rene Colaert, a man who'd been there when the Germans arrived in 1914 (was taken hostage when they left), saw his town's destruction and then supervision its rebuilding. He was too ill to attend the ceremony so... he listened to the broadcast (in English) with the window of his bedroom (through which he could - just - see the Menin Gate itself) open.
Notwithstanding all I've said about my shortcomings as a dramatist (manifold) I still can’t quite believe the BBC have passed up such a good idea. Believe me, they (ideas you know are pretty special) don't come often. So when they do...
If they'd written to say 'your script is pants but we want to develop the idea' I'd have been happy. As it is, and as is the suspicious way of people who spend their days in their own heads, I'm now convinced some bugger’s going to nick it, so… here are the first few pages. And if anyone else wants to do it, get in touch.
March 21, 2017
World Poetry Day
Ah, poetry.
I wandered lonely as a cloud... No?
The boy stood on the burning deck... No way!
She was only the vicar's daughter... Maybe?
People's impression of poetry varies enormously. Personally, I've always been a huge fan; I can recite chunks of it by heart. (Possibly the only thing Michael Gove ever got right as Education Secretary - possibly the only thing Michael Gove ever got right about anything! - was adding that to the curriculum.) But I've been challenged recently by a form of the art I'd not really taken seriously before.
My timetable this year involves teaching poetry - epic poetry. First, the Iliad; then the Aeneid. I was pleased to be able to 'forget' the war for a while (as in the Great War, World War One, whose literary and historical battlefields I've been immersed in for the last five years while researching this, my book The Glorious Dead). But I was a little daunted by the length of both classical epics, as well as by their archaic literary mannerisms.
No more. Because not only have I discovered unexpected links between a 3000 year old Greek poem about the siege of Troy and my own recent research into World War One, I've also learned to appreciate the scope of the Iliad. Although it's old and packed with mythological detail the core of the poem is thought to be a folk memory of a real event. That's truly awesome!
What's also awesome is what I'd thought to be the least interesting passages. The famous 'Catalogue of Ships' in Book 2 turns out to be so much more than a 'name-check' of the many and varied Greek forces who have joined with Agamemnon on the famous expedition to lay waste to Troy (in revenge for the Trojans running off with Agamemnon's sister-in-law, the famous face-that-launched-a-thousand-ships, Helen). These are the villages from which the 'cannon fodder' of the Greek forces come from. And Homer's catalogue of ships is his homage to their memory. It's what the poem is for.
He does is personally, too. The first Greek to die (he's also the first to land) is Protesilaus. He's a name. A death. But he's also the man who will 'never return now to his half-built house' and whose wife 'tears her cheeks with grief'. Later, Axylos is killed by Diomedes. And Homer tells us he 'had a house by the road and was hospitable to all men... But none of them faced Diomedes for him and saved him from a miserable death.'
These little vignettes occur so often that I've come to think of them as integral to the poem. And the reason they're there, the reason for that long catalogue of ships - and the reason for the poem itself - is remembrance.
Yes, the Iliad is a war poem - probably the most famous war poem ever. But to quote another war poet its subject is not just war but the 'pity of war'. And the names and lists are Homer's own millenia old versions of our own memorials to the 'Glorious Dead'.
I wandered lonely as a cloud... No?
The boy stood on the burning deck... No way!
She was only the vicar's daughter... Maybe?
People's impression of poetry varies enormously. Personally, I've always been a huge fan; I can recite chunks of it by heart. (Possibly the only thing Michael Gove ever got right as Education Secretary - possibly the only thing Michael Gove ever got right about anything! - was adding that to the curriculum.) But I've been challenged recently by a form of the art I'd not really taken seriously before.
My timetable this year involves teaching poetry - epic poetry. First, the Iliad; then the Aeneid. I was pleased to be able to 'forget' the war for a while (as in the Great War, World War One, whose literary and historical battlefields I've been immersed in for the last five years while researching this, my book The Glorious Dead). But I was a little daunted by the length of both classical epics, as well as by their archaic literary mannerisms.
No more. Because not only have I discovered unexpected links between a 3000 year old Greek poem about the siege of Troy and my own recent research into World War One, I've also learned to appreciate the scope of the Iliad. Although it's old and packed with mythological detail the core of the poem is thought to be a folk memory of a real event. That's truly awesome!
What's also awesome is what I'd thought to be the least interesting passages. The famous 'Catalogue of Ships' in Book 2 turns out to be so much more than a 'name-check' of the many and varied Greek forces who have joined with Agamemnon on the famous expedition to lay waste to Troy (in revenge for the Trojans running off with Agamemnon's sister-in-law, the famous face-that-launched-a-thousand-ships, Helen). These are the villages from which the 'cannon fodder' of the Greek forces come from. And Homer's catalogue of ships is his homage to their memory. It's what the poem is for.
He does is personally, too. The first Greek to die (he's also the first to land) is Protesilaus. He's a name. A death. But he's also the man who will 'never return now to his half-built house' and whose wife 'tears her cheeks with grief'. Later, Axylos is killed by Diomedes. And Homer tells us he 'had a house by the road and was hospitable to all men... But none of them faced Diomedes for him and saved him from a miserable death.'
These little vignettes occur so often that I've come to think of them as integral to the poem. And the reason they're there, the reason for that long catalogue of ships - and the reason for the poem itself - is remembrance.
Yes, the Iliad is a war poem - probably the most famous war poem ever. But to quote another war poet its subject is not just war but the 'pity of war'. And the names and lists are Homer's own millenia old versions of our own memorials to the 'Glorious Dead'.
March 8, 2017
Their Lordships House
I've not traditionally been a big fan of the House of Lords. Unelected hereditary hoo-rahs and political has-beens hindering the democratic doings of the House of Commons, birthright over lawful mandate etc.
Except democracy - our version of it - really doesn't have much to recommend it at the moment, does it? The elected leader of the free world is a peach-faced loon with a candy-floss bouffant and a less-than-secure hold on reality. And our lot aren't much better, are they?
And then there's Brexit. (Don't get me started!)
So it's been something of a revelation to be watching Meet the Lords (BBC Four) on a Monday evening without shouting at the television.
At times (such as when the Lords insisted on the Dubs amendment) I've even found myself gasping ever-so-quietly in admiration. And wondering how much better off we'd be if we could somehow orchestrate a rule by meritocracy, something akin to the 'Wise Men' or Witan that had a say in Anglo-Saxon England? (Don't get me started on that awful 1066: A Year to Conquer England nonsense!)
Would we be worse off?
Perhaps. Democracy is undoubtedly a Good Thing. But you can have too much of a good thing, after all. And just as Parliament has repeatedly refused all calls for a referendum on re-introducing hanging in the last fifty years (because it knows all too well what would be the outcome), perhaps the people should never have been trusted to 'decide' on whether we stayed in the EU.
But if not the people, then... who? MPs? Our 'elected' representatives? Those fine, upstanding members of the community who seem to find ways of adding all sorts of things to their already long expenses lists and talking for inordinate amounts of time in order to - get this! - prevent laws that might otherwise be passed. Here's one of the main culprits.
Well, maybe... just maybe... perhaps the House of Lords has survived this long for a very good reason?
Except democracy - our version of it - really doesn't have much to recommend it at the moment, does it? The elected leader of the free world is a peach-faced loon with a candy-floss bouffant and a less-than-secure hold on reality. And our lot aren't much better, are they?
And then there's Brexit. (Don't get me started!)
So it's been something of a revelation to be watching Meet the Lords (BBC Four) on a Monday evening without shouting at the television.
At times (such as when the Lords insisted on the Dubs amendment) I've even found myself gasping ever-so-quietly in admiration. And wondering how much better off we'd be if we could somehow orchestrate a rule by meritocracy, something akin to the 'Wise Men' or Witan that had a say in Anglo-Saxon England? (Don't get me started on that awful 1066: A Year to Conquer England nonsense!)
Would we be worse off?
Perhaps. Democracy is undoubtedly a Good Thing. But you can have too much of a good thing, after all. And just as Parliament has repeatedly refused all calls for a referendum on re-introducing hanging in the last fifty years (because it knows all too well what would be the outcome), perhaps the people should never have been trusted to 'decide' on whether we stayed in the EU.
But if not the people, then... who? MPs? Our 'elected' representatives? Those fine, upstanding members of the community who seem to find ways of adding all sorts of things to their already long expenses lists and talking for inordinate amounts of time in order to - get this! - prevent laws that might otherwise be passed. Here's one of the main culprits.
Well, maybe... just maybe... perhaps the House of Lords has survived this long for a very good reason?
March 2, 2017
World Book Day Giveaway
It's that time of year again, the time of year when normally calm and rational parents suddenly flip on being informed, minutes before the school run, that it's #WorldBookDay and that, this year, the school has decided everyone should dress up as a character from Homer. The Greek bard, not the Simpson's character.
(What do you mean you never saw that letter?)
Anyway, however yours have dressed today, I have something to mark the occasion that won't involve hours of sewing, extortionate expense (or any expense at all, actually) and only the very bare minimum of effort (namely, a comment beneath this post).
For I have not one, not two but THREE books to give away today as part of a special World Book Day, er... giveaway.
First, this. A 1970s family crisis saw car-obsessed Martin Gurdon sent to a vegetarian boarding school in rural Lancashire, from which he bunked off in order to make day trips to London, pretending to be a businessman in order to test drive new cars. His memoir Life on the Road is out on March 23rd but you can get hold of an advance copy right here!
Next, this. Now the days are getting longer it's time to start planning what to do with those lovely, long summer evenings we've been looking forward to all winter. And this is the perfect guide. The family Meek come up trumps again (that's 'trump' as in 'triumph', not the peach-faced POTUS with the candy-floss bouffant) with 50 simple and exciting ideas for spending time together out-of-doors during the working week.
And finally, this.
Yes, I know, I know. But none other than the legendary Reverend Richard Coles described it as a 'beautifully-angled novel about growing up and breaking down' and he should know. (Have you read his autobiography?) And just look what some of its other readers have said: 'I read this book in two sittings... so good is the writing that I physically experienced the panic a character was having and the relief when it passed.' 'A pleasure to read, it flows from the page.' And 'Writing Therapy blew me away!'
If you'd like it (or any of the other books on offer) to 'blow you away' this World Book Day, then leave a comment below (saying which one you'd like) between now and Sunday night.
(What do you mean you never saw that letter?)
Anyway, however yours have dressed today, I have something to mark the occasion that won't involve hours of sewing, extortionate expense (or any expense at all, actually) and only the very bare minimum of effort (namely, a comment beneath this post).
For I have not one, not two but THREE books to give away today as part of a special World Book Day, er... giveaway.
First, this. A 1970s family crisis saw car-obsessed Martin Gurdon sent to a vegetarian boarding school in rural Lancashire, from which he bunked off in order to make day trips to London, pretending to be a businessman in order to test drive new cars. His memoir Life on the Road is out on March 23rd but you can get hold of an advance copy right here!
Next, this. Now the days are getting longer it's time to start planning what to do with those lovely, long summer evenings we've been looking forward to all winter. And this is the perfect guide. The family Meek come up trumps again (that's 'trump' as in 'triumph', not the peach-faced POTUS with the candy-floss bouffant) with 50 simple and exciting ideas for spending time together out-of-doors during the working week.
And finally, this.
Yes, I know, I know. But none other than the legendary Reverend Richard Coles described it as a 'beautifully-angled novel about growing up and breaking down' and he should know. (Have you read his autobiography?) And just look what some of its other readers have said: 'I read this book in two sittings... so good is the writing that I physically experienced the panic a character was having and the relief when it passed.' 'A pleasure to read, it flows from the page.' And 'Writing Therapy blew me away!'
If you'd like it (or any of the other books on offer) to 'blow you away' this World Book Day, then leave a comment below (saying which one you'd like) between now and Sunday night.
February 21, 2017
Radio Gaga
Being on BBC Local Radio is a little bit like speed dating. Not that I've ever been speed-dating, but from what I gather, you know. From a friend. Of a friend.
Anyway, in spite of the fact that I've done it before and in spite of the fact that I imagine local radio having hours and hours of airtime and only limited scope for playing Abba back-to-back I always feel rushed. Best to get a couple of thoughts written down and leave the rest to them.
So when they rang (to ask if I'd contribute to their discussion of the teaching crisis) I did. Here they are:
teachers' lives will never improve until school data targets are driven by what individual pupils need and can achieve, rather than what makes schools look good;
and that would actually make most pupils a lot happier, too.
Of course, I didn't get round to saying them. Because I was asked other things. And therefore said stuff in reply I hadn't really thought about.
You can hear me do it if you like.
Scroll to 27mins in.
Unless your taste is 30 year-old pop songs. (Have Human League re-formed. Again?)
BBC Radio Lincolnshire: Tuesday 21 Feb 2017
Anyway, in spite of the fact that I've done it before and in spite of the fact that I imagine local radio having hours and hours of airtime and only limited scope for playing Abba back-to-back I always feel rushed. Best to get a couple of thoughts written down and leave the rest to them.
So when they rang (to ask if I'd contribute to their discussion of the teaching crisis) I did. Here they are:
teachers' lives will never improve until school data targets are driven by what individual pupils need and can achieve, rather than what makes schools look good;
and that would actually make most pupils a lot happier, too.
Of course, I didn't get round to saying them. Because I was asked other things. And therefore said stuff in reply I hadn't really thought about.
You can hear me do it if you like.
Scroll to 27mins in.
Unless your taste is 30 year-old pop songs. (Have Human League re-formed. Again?)
BBC Radio Lincolnshire: Tuesday 21 Feb 2017
February 17, 2017
The Doctor will see you now...
Any email that begins with the words 'I'm a big fan of your blog and have been reading it a lot!' is guaranteed to grab my attention. After all, the author is clearly someone of taste, discernment, wit, erudition and intelligence.
Certainly the latter, as this particular email comes from a PhD student at the University of Cambridge who is writing a dissertation on stay-at-home father families. She's interested in interviewing stay-at-home dads, their partners and children in order 'to get a full perspective of family life in these families, with a view to getting fathers' voices heard as they are often under-represented in comparison to mothers.'
Can you help? she asks. Well I can. And I will. But can you?
If you can, you can contact Kitty by phone on 01223 334513 or email her at cmj44@cam.ac.uk.
And there's a tenner in it if you do!
Certainly the latter, as this particular email comes from a PhD student at the University of Cambridge who is writing a dissertation on stay-at-home father families. She's interested in interviewing stay-at-home dads, their partners and children in order 'to get a full perspective of family life in these families, with a view to getting fathers' voices heard as they are often under-represented in comparison to mothers.'
Can you help? she asks. Well I can. And I will. But can you?
If you can, you can contact Kitty by phone on 01223 334513 or email her at cmj44@cam.ac.uk.
And there's a tenner in it if you do!
February 5, 2017
Give yourself an MoT
Ok. I have a question this morning. It is this.
When did you last visit the doctor?
If you share the same 'gender' as the person responsible for writing this rubbish, the answer is most likely to be... um, er. A while ago.
In fact, recent research by TENA Men has found that one in five of us (that is, men) admitted that their last general check-up was over two years ago; a further 18 per cent confessed that their worst health habit was not visiting the doctor at all, even when they have a serious health issue.
'To help you break these habits,' they said, 'we want you to complete a ‘personal MOT’ to make sure everything is in perfect working order. You wouldn’t ignore an MOT on your car,' they told me, 'so why do it when it comes to your own health?'
'We will send you all you need,' they went on, 'to keep control of both your health and life. Like every MOT, you can follow the same steps when it comes to your own health.'
And they did. The kit includes:
Lights: Visibility is essential when driving, this is the same with everyday life. So I have a Specsavers voucher to use towards an eye-test or some new specs!
Steering & Suspension: As a car gets older we all notice those little creaks more and more. The same happens to our own body, that’s why it’s important to look after your joints and muscles and stretch them out using the correct equipment to keep you running like a well-oiled machine! With this in mind they've send me some resistant bands so I can put my strength to the test and stretch out any knots I might have.
Fuel System: Checking for leaks is important to make sure your car’s fuel system is in working order. The TENA Men Absorbent Protector can help mop-up all those drips and dribbles to ensure you can go from 0-100 without any hiccups along the way. If you had a leaky exhaust you’d get it checked out right? I haven't, but they kindly sent me some of these as well.
Bodywork: Every man takes pride in making sure their car looks spic and span and this should be the same when it comes to our own appearance. Treating yourself to a hot shave could be all we need to look and feel our best. But don’t forget to moisturise after too.
Emissions: Although it’s important to take care of the parts we can see. It’s also just as important to make sure everything is running smoothly behind the scenes. It’s vital to have a healthy immune system to make sure you can go through the day at peak performance! By swapping a cup of green tea a day instead of my regular coffee I can gain a whole host of benefits, as the antioxidants and nutrients can have powerful effects on the body’s immune system.
Tyres: Your tyres are checked for a number of things at an MOT, tyre pressure being one of them. So they've sent a Fitbit so I can check my blood pressure and watch my fitness 'on the go'. A well trained athlete's resting heart rate is 40-60 bpm (apparently). 'Do you think you can mix it with the pro’s?' they asked me.
Well, I know the answer to that.
But as for the rest of the service, time will tell.
I'll let you know.
When did you last visit the doctor?
If you share the same 'gender' as the person responsible for writing this rubbish, the answer is most likely to be... um, er. A while ago.
In fact, recent research by TENA Men has found that one in five of us (that is, men) admitted that their last general check-up was over two years ago; a further 18 per cent confessed that their worst health habit was not visiting the doctor at all, even when they have a serious health issue.
'To help you break these habits,' they said, 'we want you to complete a ‘personal MOT’ to make sure everything is in perfect working order. You wouldn’t ignore an MOT on your car,' they told me, 'so why do it when it comes to your own health?'
'We will send you all you need,' they went on, 'to keep control of both your health and life. Like every MOT, you can follow the same steps when it comes to your own health.'
And they did. The kit includes:
Lights: Visibility is essential when driving, this is the same with everyday life. So I have a Specsavers voucher to use towards an eye-test or some new specs!
Steering & Suspension: As a car gets older we all notice those little creaks more and more. The same happens to our own body, that’s why it’s important to look after your joints and muscles and stretch them out using the correct equipment to keep you running like a well-oiled machine! With this in mind they've send me some resistant bands so I can put my strength to the test and stretch out any knots I might have.
Fuel System: Checking for leaks is important to make sure your car’s fuel system is in working order. The TENA Men Absorbent Protector can help mop-up all those drips and dribbles to ensure you can go from 0-100 without any hiccups along the way. If you had a leaky exhaust you’d get it checked out right? I haven't, but they kindly sent me some of these as well.
Bodywork: Every man takes pride in making sure their car looks spic and span and this should be the same when it comes to our own appearance. Treating yourself to a hot shave could be all we need to look and feel our best. But don’t forget to moisturise after too.
Emissions: Although it’s important to take care of the parts we can see. It’s also just as important to make sure everything is running smoothly behind the scenes. It’s vital to have a healthy immune system to make sure you can go through the day at peak performance! By swapping a cup of green tea a day instead of my regular coffee I can gain a whole host of benefits, as the antioxidants and nutrients can have powerful effects on the body’s immune system.
Tyres: Your tyres are checked for a number of things at an MOT, tyre pressure being one of them. So they've sent a Fitbit so I can check my blood pressure and watch my fitness 'on the go'. A well trained athlete's resting heart rate is 40-60 bpm (apparently). 'Do you think you can mix it with the pro’s?' they asked me.
Well, I know the answer to that.
But as for the rest of the service, time will tell.
I'll let you know.
January 29, 2017
Sunday book giveaway
Being a parent isn't easy. Ask anyone's who's ever done it.
So imagine parenting not one, not two, not the statistical 'two-point-four' or even three children (my own preferred quantity) but nine. Yes, nine. (I know it says eight on the book cover... that's just how long things take in publishing.)
Now imagine doing it on a remote Yorkshire hillside where both you and the electricity are regularly cut off each winter. Oh, and you've got to look after 1000 sheep scattered across two thousand acres of bleak moorland into the bargain.
Interested? No, me neither. Anyway there's no vacancy because the role is already capably, remarkably, skilfully and awesomely filled by Amanda Owen - Yorkshire Shepherdess. Or superwoman, as she ought to be known.
She's not alone. (There are the children, obviously!) She has a husband, Clive, with whom she runs the farm. There are dogs, too - working dogs, of course - and ponies. Oh and hens and cattle. It's a farm, after all.
But a farm in one of the loneliest places in the country, so far from what the rest of us might call 'civilisation' that Amanda has experienced some extraordinary births (three times in a lay-by, once in an army barracks). And I don't mean the birth of lambs, either.
It's a remarkable story, one you can read for yourself because I've got a copy of Amanda's brand-new book to give away. It's inspiring, daunting (I'll never complain about the school run again) and heart-warming in equal measure.
You'll love it. Especially if you're a parent, if you feel harassed (who doesn't?) and you need a little inspiration.
Enter via the Rafflecopter thingumy below; I'll do the rest. And then I'll go and have a well-deserved lie-down.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
So imagine parenting not one, not two, not the statistical 'two-point-four' or even three children (my own preferred quantity) but nine. Yes, nine. (I know it says eight on the book cover... that's just how long things take in publishing.)
Now imagine doing it on a remote Yorkshire hillside where both you and the electricity are regularly cut off each winter. Oh, and you've got to look after 1000 sheep scattered across two thousand acres of bleak moorland into the bargain.
Interested? No, me neither. Anyway there's no vacancy because the role is already capably, remarkably, skilfully and awesomely filled by Amanda Owen - Yorkshire Shepherdess. Or superwoman, as she ought to be known.
She's not alone. (There are the children, obviously!) She has a husband, Clive, with whom she runs the farm. There are dogs, too - working dogs, of course - and ponies. Oh and hens and cattle. It's a farm, after all.
But a farm in one of the loneliest places in the country, so far from what the rest of us might call 'civilisation' that Amanda has experienced some extraordinary births (three times in a lay-by, once in an army barracks). And I don't mean the birth of lambs, either.
It's a remarkable story, one you can read for yourself because I've got a copy of Amanda's brand-new book to give away. It's inspiring, daunting (I'll never complain about the school run again) and heart-warming in equal measure.
You'll love it. Especially if you're a parent, if you feel harassed (who doesn't?) and you need a little inspiration.
Enter via the Rafflecopter thingumy below; I'll do the rest. And then I'll go and have a well-deserved lie-down.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
