Bryan Thomas Schmidt's Blog, page 53
March 21, 2011
Memories of My Wife Bianca
Last Tuesday, 1 month before our 4th anniversary, I had to put my wife in the mental hospital against her will for the second time. Bianca is a highly intelligent, gentle, sweet, giving, joyful person. But when her bipolar II flares up she's angry, mean, arrogant, and mischievous. I woke up at 5 a.m. and found her cutting phone chords and cables for the internet with a scissor because "I don't like that stuff there." This was after I'd already tried once to get police to take her in. They refused because she looked normal to them. They don't know her. How would they know normal for her? In any case, I worried she'd cut an electrical chord and start a fire or electrocute herself. So it was time.
This is the second time in two years I've had to commit her. Having to put someone you love in the hospital against their will, while they beg you not to, is the most painful experience ever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And I've done it three times, twice the first incident, once now. It took four of us to literally carry her to the car while she fought and screamed, then me to drive us 30 minutes to the hospital, again while she screamed and insulted us. It's weird to look in the face of the woman you love and see a stranger looking back at you. A stranger who looks just like her, has the same voice, but says things which sound nothing like her.
I try very hard to block those memories. Most of the time I can. I don't want to remember her this way. I prefer to remember her as the woman who blessed my life, the one I fell in love with. I'm pained by the memory of how much I took her for granted in the months preceding this relapse. I should have been her biggest cheerleader when she finally got to live her dream and go back to school to finish her degree. She was doing so well, making awesome grades, and she was working 30 hours and going to school 18. I was so wrapped up in my worries, I was lackluster in my enthusiasm, and I feel like such a jackass now. The times she wanted to cuddle and I was so busy with writing, I put it off and never got back to it. The times I didn't listen when she was so excited to tell me something mid-draft. I feel like such a loser. Here's the woman who chose me. After years of failed romances, after 37 years alone thinking I'd never find anyone, she chose me, and I was so unappreciative so much of the time.
When I went away to Rainforest Writers, my thought was that it would be good to have time away to refresh our relationship. The moment I arrived, I missed her and wished she was there. Little did I know that when I got home, I'd still be missing her, because I haven't seen the real Bianca since before I left.
The real Bianca is such a delight to be with. She is so enthusiastic, often seeing the world through a child's eyes. She's fascinated by people, places, language -- so many things I easily write off as ordinary. And through her observations, she helps me look at the world in new ways. It's a real help to me as a writer. And it's something about her I have always treasured. She's a great cook and a good housewife. She's thoughtful even when I'm not. Oh she has her faults, of course, but I have more. And the fact that she's always loved me and thinks I'm cute, handsome, wonderful always blows my mind.
I so wish it could be me and not her. I wish I was the one in the hospital. I wish it was me losing my job, dropping out mid-semester of my school, etc. If I could take her place in a moment, I so would, because I suffer so much for her. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. I am crying as I type this because I feel such despair, such hopelessness, and such fear that I will lose her, that this is it, that she'll never get through this. It's so hard to not get much information from the hospital due to privacy laws. Biance is in no condition to sign a waiver, so the hospital has to protect itself from lawsuits, even though I'm the husband. It's so difficult to see her struggling and not be able to protect her; to be made the bad guy in manic Bianca's eyes, when all I did I did to protect her and get her the help she so desperately needs. I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy. And it makes me determined to do all I can to build awareness and find support for developing a cure to all mental illness.
What a horrible thing it is to see someone with such skill and potential robbed of their life by such a horrible disease. To see them so destructive when they don't even know what they're doing. To see them resist the help they need when it's right there in front of them. I curse Satan and beg God to please help my wife. Give me back my lover, my best friend. I wish it was so easy. Every moment is agony as I'm forced to wait and see if things will ever be the same again. I have small hope in the fact that our marriage came back better than ever from the last time. I can only hope she'll feel that way and be ready to try again.
It's hard to know that this kind of thing will likely happen again--it's cyclical, so probably every two years. On the other hand, I've heard stories of people who take their meds and are stable the rest of their lives, so I hope that for her. And yet I fear days to come. If I get her back I intend to treasure every moment, and I hope I don't forget. I must never allow myself to be too busy to appreciate her. I must let her know how much she means to me, and I must remind her daily of that. Maybe the strength of my love will help her. I hope so. I know the strength of her love has helped me. And I know I feel so lost at the idea of going on without her. Sometimes you don't realize what you have in the throes of everydaydom. How sad and pathetic a trait is that in human beings? Why does it take a crisis like this to remind us how lucky we are?
I don't know the answer but I know I need to do better at fighting off that complacency and being appreciative. If only I get another chance. If only I get my Bianca back.
For what it's worth...
This is the second time in two years I've had to commit her. Having to put someone you love in the hospital against their will, while they beg you not to, is the most painful experience ever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And I've done it three times, twice the first incident, once now. It took four of us to literally carry her to the car while she fought and screamed, then me to drive us 30 minutes to the hospital, again while she screamed and insulted us. It's weird to look in the face of the woman you love and see a stranger looking back at you. A stranger who looks just like her, has the same voice, but says things which sound nothing like her.
I try very hard to block those memories. Most of the time I can. I don't want to remember her this way. I prefer to remember her as the woman who blessed my life, the one I fell in love with. I'm pained by the memory of how much I took her for granted in the months preceding this relapse. I should have been her biggest cheerleader when she finally got to live her dream and go back to school to finish her degree. She was doing so well, making awesome grades, and she was working 30 hours and going to school 18. I was so wrapped up in my worries, I was lackluster in my enthusiasm, and I feel like such a jackass now. The times she wanted to cuddle and I was so busy with writing, I put it off and never got back to it. The times I didn't listen when she was so excited to tell me something mid-draft. I feel like such a loser. Here's the woman who chose me. After years of failed romances, after 37 years alone thinking I'd never find anyone, she chose me, and I was so unappreciative so much of the time.
When I went away to Rainforest Writers, my thought was that it would be good to have time away to refresh our relationship. The moment I arrived, I missed her and wished she was there. Little did I know that when I got home, I'd still be missing her, because I haven't seen the real Bianca since before I left.
The real Bianca is such a delight to be with. She is so enthusiastic, often seeing the world through a child's eyes. She's fascinated by people, places, language -- so many things I easily write off as ordinary. And through her observations, she helps me look at the world in new ways. It's a real help to me as a writer. And it's something about her I have always treasured. She's a great cook and a good housewife. She's thoughtful even when I'm not. Oh she has her faults, of course, but I have more. And the fact that she's always loved me and thinks I'm cute, handsome, wonderful always blows my mind.
I so wish it could be me and not her. I wish I was the one in the hospital. I wish it was me losing my job, dropping out mid-semester of my school, etc. If I could take her place in a moment, I so would, because I suffer so much for her. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. I am crying as I type this because I feel such despair, such hopelessness, and such fear that I will lose her, that this is it, that she'll never get through this. It's so hard to not get much information from the hospital due to privacy laws. Biance is in no condition to sign a waiver, so the hospital has to protect itself from lawsuits, even though I'm the husband. It's so difficult to see her struggling and not be able to protect her; to be made the bad guy in manic Bianca's eyes, when all I did I did to protect her and get her the help she so desperately needs. I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy. And it makes me determined to do all I can to build awareness and find support for developing a cure to all mental illness.
What a horrible thing it is to see someone with such skill and potential robbed of their life by such a horrible disease. To see them so destructive when they don't even know what they're doing. To see them resist the help they need when it's right there in front of them. I curse Satan and beg God to please help my wife. Give me back my lover, my best friend. I wish it was so easy. Every moment is agony as I'm forced to wait and see if things will ever be the same again. I have small hope in the fact that our marriage came back better than ever from the last time. I can only hope she'll feel that way and be ready to try again.
It's hard to know that this kind of thing will likely happen again--it's cyclical, so probably every two years. On the other hand, I've heard stories of people who take their meds and are stable the rest of their lives, so I hope that for her. And yet I fear days to come. If I get her back I intend to treasure every moment, and I hope I don't forget. I must never allow myself to be too busy to appreciate her. I must let her know how much she means to me, and I must remind her daily of that. Maybe the strength of my love will help her. I hope so. I know the strength of her love has helped me. And I know I feel so lost at the idea of going on without her. Sometimes you don't realize what you have in the throes of everydaydom. How sad and pathetic a trait is that in human beings? Why does it take a crisis like this to remind us how lucky we are?
I don't know the answer but I know I need to do better at fighting off that complacency and being appreciative. If only I get another chance. If only I get my Bianca back.
For what it's worth...
March 19, 2011
Links Of The Week, Vol. 2, Issue 8
http://nyti.ms/exAwaz -- non-traditional stores are selling more books than ever. Good news for authors, marketers, and publishers. And also for readers.
http://lmstull.com/2011/03/06/so-you-want-to-write-fantasy/ -- a workshop on worldbuilding for fantasy authors and a contest to boot.
http://reluctantadults.blogspot.com/2011/03/that-setting-thing.html -- Kat Richardson writes up her talk from Rainforest Writers Village Session 2 on "Setting"
http://www.shimmerzine.com/2011/03/16/confessions-of-a-slush-reader-why-should-i-care/ - a slushreader explains the slush experience and gives useful tips on how to get your story to succeed
http://lmstull.com/2011/03/06/so-you-want-to-write-fantasy/ -- a workshop on worldbuilding for fantasy authors and a contest to boot.
http://reluctantadults.blogspot.com/2011/03/that-setting-thing.html -- Kat Richardson writes up her talk from Rainforest Writers Village Session 2 on "Setting"
http://www.shimmerzine.com/2011/03/16/confessions-of-a-slush-reader-why-should-i-care/ - a slushreader explains the slush experience and gives useful tips on how to get your story to succeed
March 15, 2011
A Letter To BiPolar Disorder
Dear Bipolar Disorder:
I hate you! You know who you are. You're the one who takes a beautiful, intelligent, determined, kind, giving, loving, wonderful girl and turns her into a stranger who rants, yells, destroys, and insults. You're the one who steals time, precious time away from her husband and family. You're the one who makes her risk her life by wandering on an interstate, going where she shouldn't go, doing what she wouldn't go.
You're a destroyer of relationships; a thief of hope; a breaker of hearts; a robber of peace. You're a divider of households; a ruiner of reputations; and a restrainer of potential.
I swear, Bipolar Disorder, you will not defeat us. I will not allow you to be the winner here. I will not allow you to rule the day. You will lose this battle. We will fight until we find a cure. We may fail from time to time as we learn more and more about you. But we will conquer you, make no mistake about it.
We will win because our victory is founded on love not destruction. We will win because our determination is to live free, not die captive. We will win because we are stronger, we are more determined, and we are better than you could hope to be.
You're going down one day, Bipolar Disorder. Get ready for it. We will dance together, hand in hand, upon your grave.
With all my heart,
Bryan
I hate you! You know who you are. You're the one who takes a beautiful, intelligent, determined, kind, giving, loving, wonderful girl and turns her into a stranger who rants, yells, destroys, and insults. You're the one who steals time, precious time away from her husband and family. You're the one who makes her risk her life by wandering on an interstate, going where she shouldn't go, doing what she wouldn't go.
You're a destroyer of relationships; a thief of hope; a breaker of hearts; a robber of peace. You're a divider of households; a ruiner of reputations; and a restrainer of potential.
I swear, Bipolar Disorder, you will not defeat us. I will not allow you to be the winner here. I will not allow you to rule the day. You will lose this battle. We will fight until we find a cure. We may fail from time to time as we learn more and more about you. But we will conquer you, make no mistake about it.
We will win because our victory is founded on love not destruction. We will win because our determination is to live free, not die captive. We will win because we are stronger, we are more determined, and we are better than you could hope to be.
You're going down one day, Bipolar Disorder. Get ready for it. We will dance together, hand in hand, upon your grave.
With all my heart,
Bryan
March 11, 2011
Rainforest Writers' Village Session 2 Day 2
Today was a much better day as far as productivity. No more sickness, a settling into the routine. I produced 2725 words today, and despite the later hour, if inspiration hits later, I'll keep going. The work today was all focused on novel 2 of which Chapter 4 is now close to complete. Although I still have other projects with me which need work, today I decided to focus. I hadn't written on the novel in a week, and it was time to get back into it.
I also mailed off my signed book contract today for the first novel in this series, "The Worker Prince" which is due for release in late Summer. The editing notes are pending and artwork is being arranged. We're on the road to publication, a good feeling.
I also finally got around to watching two movies today which I have long wanted to. "How To Train Your Dragon" is fantastic, a charming, fun, well made story which my friend Andy Romine worked on. At the moment, I am watching "Inception" for the second time. The first I was more distracted and didn't pay as much attention. Those who've seen it know this movie requires focus and I am trying to do that tonight to see what all the fuss is about. Watching stories like this also inspires me. "Dragon" got me thinking how my first anthology acceptance, "Amélie's Guardian" would make a wonderful children's book and movie. And "Inception" is a complexity of storytelling which challenges me to dig deeper and try harder.
The nature and presence of other writers continues to inspire me here. Had a great chat with Kat Richardson and my friend Sandra Wickham today. Kat has a number of books out, yet treated me like a peer, which felt good. Mary Robinette Kowal has been much the same. I appreciate their generosity and kindness. And the encouragement of their joining us here in the community experience.
Tomorrow's our last full day, and I hope to finish Chapter 4 and either finish a short story or start Chapter 5. I also hope to get in some nature time to explore the area, see the world's largest spruce and take a few more pictures to commemorate the experience. It truly is the chance of a lifetime for me, and I am encouraged just to be here. I feel like a part of the larger community, like I'm making real progress. It's a good feeling.
For what it's worth...
I also mailed off my signed book contract today for the first novel in this series, "The Worker Prince" which is due for release in late Summer. The editing notes are pending and artwork is being arranged. We're on the road to publication, a good feeling.
I also finally got around to watching two movies today which I have long wanted to. "How To Train Your Dragon" is fantastic, a charming, fun, well made story which my friend Andy Romine worked on. At the moment, I am watching "Inception" for the second time. The first I was more distracted and didn't pay as much attention. Those who've seen it know this movie requires focus and I am trying to do that tonight to see what all the fuss is about. Watching stories like this also inspires me. "Dragon" got me thinking how my first anthology acceptance, "Amélie's Guardian" would make a wonderful children's book and movie. And "Inception" is a complexity of storytelling which challenges me to dig deeper and try harder.
The nature and presence of other writers continues to inspire me here. Had a great chat with Kat Richardson and my friend Sandra Wickham today. Kat has a number of books out, yet treated me like a peer, which felt good. Mary Robinette Kowal has been much the same. I appreciate their generosity and kindness. And the encouragement of their joining us here in the community experience.
Tomorrow's our last full day, and I hope to finish Chapter 4 and either finish a short story or start Chapter 5. I also hope to get in some nature time to explore the area, see the world's largest spruce and take a few more pictures to commemorate the experience. It truly is the chance of a lifetime for me, and I am encouraged just to be here. I feel like a part of the larger community, like I'm making real progress. It's a good feeling.
For what it's worth...
March 10, 2011
Rainforest Writers' Village Session 2
I've been given a tremendous gift in my sponsorship to Rainforest Writers Village, Session 2. Held at Lake Quinault, Washington on the edge of the Olympic National Forest, the natural setting is almost as inspiring as the vibe of my fellow writers as we write together at tables in the Lounge of the Resort restaurant. A popular summer getaway, in Spring the resort is quiet, so we have it almost to ourselves. Founded by Patrick Swenson of Fairwood Press, the retreat is in its fifth year and, for the first time, running two sessions back to back.
Four days with limited phone and internet access dedicated to writing. There are guests like Mary Robinette Kowal and Kat Richardson who speak on such topics as setting, how to give a reading, story lessons from puppetry and even how to multitask. None of these are required sessions, so writers are free to write through them. There are social opportunities at meals, on hikes and at meet and greets and signings. But the majority of the time is set aside for writing. I've wanted to attend the retreat ever since I heard of it on the wall of my friend author Ken Scholes. Seeing the list of those who attended: Jay Lake, Brenda Cooper, James Van Pelt, John Pitts, Nancy Kress -- all people I admire, I just had to be part of it. But the session sold out in 1 day. I was out of luck.
By the time Patrick added the second session, I'd lost my day job and the finances seemed impossible. So I had to resign myself to waiting again. But I kept in touch with Patrick, who, knowing my enthusiasm, offered me the sponsorship when the original recipient dropped out, a month before the retreat. Using frequent flyer miles and with a few donations from others, the retreat is now a reality and what a joy it is.
You might not get it if you're not a writer. After all, sitting around all day in silence writing probably doesn't appeal to you. But for writers, it's a tremendous opportunity to work with few distractions and get a lot of work done in the presence of people who are experienced and successful and offer encouragement just through their acceptance of you as a peer. It makes me feel like part of the science fiction writing business in a way I haven't felt before, and that's a good feeling, a feeling of success.
Making contacts and networking is another benefit. I've met fellow editor Jennifer Brozek, publisher Patrick, SFWA Vice President Mary Robinette Kowal, and more. Many Twitter friends are here as well. It's a privilege to be among them, and a joyful opportunity to cheer them on.
Despite getting sick this morning and missing the hike due to a sore ankle, I have enjoyed the day and been so encouraged. I started a new chapter of the second space opera novel and worked on two short stories, as well as doing more editing on freelance projects. I've also blogged twice today, a first for a long time. It's just refreshing, given the discouragements of the past 10 months. And I'm grateful for the privilege of joining this community.
I look forward to the days to come.
For what it's worth...
Four days with limited phone and internet access dedicated to writing. There are guests like Mary Robinette Kowal and Kat Richardson who speak on such topics as setting, how to give a reading, story lessons from puppetry and even how to multitask. None of these are required sessions, so writers are free to write through them. There are social opportunities at meals, on hikes and at meet and greets and signings. But the majority of the time is set aside for writing. I've wanted to attend the retreat ever since I heard of it on the wall of my friend author Ken Scholes. Seeing the list of those who attended: Jay Lake, Brenda Cooper, James Van Pelt, John Pitts, Nancy Kress -- all people I admire, I just had to be part of it. But the session sold out in 1 day. I was out of luck.
By the time Patrick added the second session, I'd lost my day job and the finances seemed impossible. So I had to resign myself to waiting again. But I kept in touch with Patrick, who, knowing my enthusiasm, offered me the sponsorship when the original recipient dropped out, a month before the retreat. Using frequent flyer miles and with a few donations from others, the retreat is now a reality and what a joy it is.
You might not get it if you're not a writer. After all, sitting around all day in silence writing probably doesn't appeal to you. But for writers, it's a tremendous opportunity to work with few distractions and get a lot of work done in the presence of people who are experienced and successful and offer encouragement just through their acceptance of you as a peer. It makes me feel like part of the science fiction writing business in a way I haven't felt before, and that's a good feeling, a feeling of success.
Making contacts and networking is another benefit. I've met fellow editor Jennifer Brozek, publisher Patrick, SFWA Vice President Mary Robinette Kowal, and more. Many Twitter friends are here as well. It's a privilege to be among them, and a joyful opportunity to cheer them on.
Despite getting sick this morning and missing the hike due to a sore ankle, I have enjoyed the day and been so encouraged. I started a new chapter of the second space opera novel and worked on two short stories, as well as doing more editing on freelance projects. I've also blogged twice today, a first for a long time. It's just refreshing, given the discouragements of the past 10 months. And I'm grateful for the privilege of joining this community.
I look forward to the days to come.
For what it's worth...
News 3/10/11
Thought I should take a moment and fill you in on the latest with me. It's been a while since I've done that and, in case anyone wants to know, here it is.
I finally signed the contract for my first book deal Monday after three months of negotiations and delays. "The Worker Prince" will be released in August from Diminished Media out of Hudson, Michigan. YAY!
Meanwhile, I am on chapter 4 of the first sequel in the series. Things are going well, about a scene day, with a few breaks to do other stories and such. This week, I am a sponsored attendee at Rainforest Writer's Village on Lake Quinault, Washington. I hope to get more than my usual writing done. Lots of cool people here, including Kat Richardson, Mary Robinette Kowal, Jennifer Brozek and several Twitter friends. Good to be with them.
I also sold my first story to an anthology this week. It's "Cats & Dragons" from Dreamzion Publishing and comes out in April. Yep. It's a fast edit by my friend Dana Bell. So I'll soon have an anthology to see you with my story "Amélie's Guardian" about a dragon's friendship with a little girl. It's told in fairy tale style and, I'm told, a moving story.
I just submitted a story with a newly developed comedic character to the "Wicked Weeds" anthology edited by Jaleta Clegg. It's for Cyberwizard Productions, on the companies which was interested in my book. This story is about a demolitions expert named Duncan Derring with a ship name Trini, after the words for TNT. It's told in a noir style and was a lot of fun to write. I'd like to do a whole series. In the story, Duncan has to save a passenger liner from doom amidst space tumbleweeds.
I have stories currently out to The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Port Iris Zine, Daily Science Fiction and Tales Of The Talisman, which makes five submissions total.
I am hoping to finish two short stories here: one a revision, the other half complete, so that I can send them out as well. Hoping for my first semi-pro and pro sales very soon.
Beyond that, the "Space Battles" anthology is a go but held up negotiating a contract with the publisher. So once that's completed, I'll move things along with the invitations to writers. Also, I am trying to sell my "World Encounters" anthology which has commitments from some name writers.
Lastly, waiting to hear this month if I got accepted to UTEP's MFA in Creative Writing.
That's pretty much the latest on my writing. For what it's worth...
I finally signed the contract for my first book deal Monday after three months of negotiations and delays. "The Worker Prince" will be released in August from Diminished Media out of Hudson, Michigan. YAY!
Meanwhile, I am on chapter 4 of the first sequel in the series. Things are going well, about a scene day, with a few breaks to do other stories and such. This week, I am a sponsored attendee at Rainforest Writer's Village on Lake Quinault, Washington. I hope to get more than my usual writing done. Lots of cool people here, including Kat Richardson, Mary Robinette Kowal, Jennifer Brozek and several Twitter friends. Good to be with them.
I also sold my first story to an anthology this week. It's "Cats & Dragons" from Dreamzion Publishing and comes out in April. Yep. It's a fast edit by my friend Dana Bell. So I'll soon have an anthology to see you with my story "Amélie's Guardian" about a dragon's friendship with a little girl. It's told in fairy tale style and, I'm told, a moving story.
I just submitted a story with a newly developed comedic character to the "Wicked Weeds" anthology edited by Jaleta Clegg. It's for Cyberwizard Productions, on the companies which was interested in my book. This story is about a demolitions expert named Duncan Derring with a ship name Trini, after the words for TNT. It's told in a noir style and was a lot of fun to write. I'd like to do a whole series. In the story, Duncan has to save a passenger liner from doom amidst space tumbleweeds.
I have stories currently out to The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Port Iris Zine, Daily Science Fiction and Tales Of The Talisman, which makes five submissions total.
I am hoping to finish two short stories here: one a revision, the other half complete, so that I can send them out as well. Hoping for my first semi-pro and pro sales very soon.
Beyond that, the "Space Battles" anthology is a go but held up negotiating a contract with the publisher. So once that's completed, I'll move things along with the invitations to writers. Also, I am trying to sell my "World Encounters" anthology which has commitments from some name writers.
Lastly, waiting to hear this month if I got accepted to UTEP's MFA in Creative Writing.
That's pretty much the latest on my writing. For what it's worth...
March 6, 2011
Links of The Week Vol. 2 Issue 7
http://www.blackgate.com/2011/02/27/epic-fantasy-notes-toward-a-definition/ -- Black Gate column discussing what is epic fantasy?
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150111579106705&id=689201067 -- Why heroes are still important, related to the above. Another perspective: http://bit.ly/hHRRfk
http://talktoyouniverse.blogspot.com/2011/03/ttyu-retro-show-dont-tell-exposed.html -- Great post on Show V. Tell--often a bane of writer's existences-- by the talented Juliette Wade.
http://faerye.net/post/find-n -- Great post by Felicity Shoulders on dealing with rejection as a writer.
http://bit.ly/dTATvX -- a slush reader's warning about getting your science right. Important for writers. From writer Patty Jansen.
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150111579106705&id=689201067 -- Why heroes are still important, related to the above. Another perspective: http://bit.ly/hHRRfk
http://talktoyouniverse.blogspot.com/2011/03/ttyu-retro-show-dont-tell-exposed.html -- Great post on Show V. Tell--often a bane of writer's existences-- by the talented Juliette Wade.
http://faerye.net/post/find-n -- Great post by Felicity Shoulders on dealing with rejection as a writer.
http://bit.ly/dTATvX -- a slush reader's warning about getting your science right. Important for writers. From writer Patty Jansen.
March 2, 2011
SFFWRTCHT for March 9, 2011 with Kevin J. Anderson (Heckler Warning)
Very excited to have best selling author Kevin J. Anderson on the SFFWRTCHT next Wed but Kevin's got some haters. In particular, a group of hecklers who follow him around and try and make things very unpleasant for him and anyone who dares talk to him kindly. To avoid problems, I have blocked them, as has Kevin. Please do not attempt to converse with them under the #sffwrtcht hashtag no matter what they say at any time. If they show up in the transcript, I will edit them out. They are not worth the effort.
To see how nasty they are, here's my post about their 4 day harrassment campaign against me just for asking Kevin about his craft: http://bryanthomasschmidt.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-am-victim-of-twithate-and.html
Here are the names of those you should block:
@Serkanner @RealDune @DuneSandChigger @SKKahl @DunesDreamer @Loteqs@IdunnAsynja
Folks, blocking people is serious. As moderator, I would normally deal with inappropriate behavior but this group is relentless and they might ruin chat if we don't ignore them or just block them. I don't want Kevin or any of you to have a bad time because Kevin's got a lot of good advice to share I want to hear and I'm sure you do, too.
Anyway, your call on how to handle it but consider yourselves warned and please mention this post to anyone you know who plans to attend chat. Thanks!
I appreciate the support. You guys are why I started SFFWRTCHT and why it's a success with guests and everyone else!
BRYAN
To see how nasty they are, here's my post about their 4 day harrassment campaign against me just for asking Kevin about his craft: http://bryanthomasschmidt.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-am-victim-of-twithate-and.html
Here are the names of those you should block:
@Serkanner @RealDune @DuneSandChigger @SKKahl @DunesDreamer @Loteqs@IdunnAsynja
Folks, blocking people is serious. As moderator, I would normally deal with inappropriate behavior but this group is relentless and they might ruin chat if we don't ignore them or just block them. I don't want Kevin or any of you to have a bad time because Kevin's got a lot of good advice to share I want to hear and I'm sure you do, too.
Anyway, your call on how to handle it but consider yourselves warned and please mention this post to anyone you know who plans to attend chat. Thanks!
I appreciate the support. You guys are why I started SFFWRTCHT and why it's a success with guests and everyone else!
BRYAN
Flash Fiction Friday: Merlin Meets Godzilla
"Merlin Meets Godzilla"ByBryan Thomas Schmidt
The beast came from sea, near the northern edge of the kingdom, and took the villages by surprise. The reports of devastation shocked Camelot, and Arthur hurriedly dispatched Merlin and Lancelot to address the situation, leading half the army.
"Do what you must" was all the King instructed. Arthur was as much at a loss as everyone else.
Uthor's sudden death had left Merlin's old friend stunned. His father was such a powerful figured in the young King's life, and, although they hadn't always seen eye to eye, Merlin knew Arthur's loss was overwhelming. Merlin could only imagine how challenging it would be to both grieve such a loss and take over as liege of a kingdom. Arthur did his duty well, showing amazing strength, yet Merlin did everything possible to ease his friend's burden.
Their bodies felt him before their eyes saw him—a day before, in fact. The monstrous creature's every step shook the ground like an earthquake. He looked like a giant, mutant dragon--with rough, bumpy charcoal-gray scales, a long powerful tail, and jagged, bone-colored dorsal fins and as the beast turned and they finally laid eyes upon his arcing green-scaled back and dagger-like teeth, it left them all speechless, their jaws dropping to their laps. He and Lancelot had ridden together on the three day journey to coast, discussing strategy and comparing ideas. Neither felt confident that they had a workable plan, but once they'd seen the actual beast, Merlin's mind felt like a castle surrounded by fog—everything hazy, no clarity. He could make no decisions; take no action.
"My God!" Lancelot wheezed beside him. They watched the beast pick up a barn, screaming animals still inside, and pop it into his mouth like a slice of bread. His jaws crunched up and down, smashing the barn like a straw, stone, and wood cake with red fleshy filling.
"What in hell's army is that?" Sir Gawain said from behind them.
"That, Sir Gawain, may be the end of us all," Merlin replied as all three kept their eyes focused on the monster.
"You two have a plan then?" Gawain asked, without his usual bravado.
"If it gets too close, run," Lancelot said, eyes unmoved from the monster.
Merlin chanted a quick spell for the horses, who had begun whinnying nervously and looked ready to bolt. They'd been shifting their weight from foot to foot, ever since they'd first felt the tremors, and the sight of the monster looked to be pushing them over the edge from nervous to outright fear.
As their horses calmed, the men remained on edge. The monster, meanwhile, took no notice of them, continuing to stomp around the village, crushing everything in its path.
"You must have a spell or something." Lancelot looked at Merlin with hopeful eyes.
"It's like fighting a dragon, isn't it? You've done that." Gawain nodded with encouragement to Merlin, who fought to restrain the laugh he felt rising in his throat.
Merlin knew they were right. Magic alone held the answers for this beast. A full on assault would only make him angry and result in the sacrifice of Arthur's army. With enemies huddling on their borders eager to test the mettle of the newly crowned King, the army's strength was vital. Arthur had only sent them along as a psychological measure—to reassure the masses. Like everyone else, Arthur was counting on Merlin to save the day.
He flipped through spells in his mind, closing his eyes as he did. He'd long ago memorized them, still, the book itself rode securely in the worn leather saddlebag which banged against his left life with every bump in the trail as he rode. His mind flooded with memories—fighting trolls and demons, plagues and a famine. Many of those enemies had been formidable, intimidating. All had caused him to doubt his abilities; to question how and if he would ever manage to find a solution.
The wind swelled and the smell of smoke and burning wood struck his nose. Mixed in with it was a fishy smell he suspected came from the monster itself. As the monster turned and came between the sun and Merlin's party, their day turned black as night, all light overwhelmed by the shadow of the beast.
A thought came to Merlin: "What are you afraid of?"
"Him!" Gawain answered before Merlin even realized he'd spoken it out loud.
Merlin shook his head. "No the beast. If we knew his fears, we could use it against him."
"Something that big must not fear anything," Lancelot replied.
Merlin began chanting the words to a spell. The sky lit up as the clouds turned to flames of fire all around them. The beast reacted to the flames with a raging roar loud enough to rattle their ears and cause the horses to whinny with fright.
"Perhaps if you'd lit the monster instead of the clouds..."
Merlin brushed off Gawain with a wave and continued the spell. Flames swirled overhead then converged together surrounding the beast. The beast roared again, swinging its tail in a wide arc as fire poured from its open mouth.
"I was hoping to drive him away from the village and back to sea." He'd once fought a dragon with fire balls. It didn't have any long term effect but made the dragon change position. His mind raced for another tactic. "I need to be closer for this to work."
"Closer? Are you mad?" Gawain looked to Merlin as if he might flee any moment.
Merlin ignored Gawain and looked at Lancelot. The knight nodded, showing no fear. "We'll ride around to the north and draw his attention."
Merlin smiled. "Thank you, Lancelot."
"This had better work," Gawain scolded as Lancelot gave the orders behind him and the knights rode off together.
Merlin steered his horse straight up the hill toward the village. The main road led to the sea from where they'd stopped, so he knew it would lead him to his foe.
As he rode, he continued chanting. The spell was complicated, with many sections. He'd only used it twice before, and it might be their only hope. In theory, the spell could shrink things. He'd only used it on objects before, and Gaius had implied it wasn't meant for use on living beings. But given their desperation and the lack of options, he had to try.
The heat of the burning village increased with the smell of the beast as he drew nearer. Sweat dripped from his brow. He'd never been religious but felt inspired to offer a brief prayer, for the safety of his companions at the very least.
His horse stopped like it had struck a brick wall, almost throwing Merlin to the ground. Merlin looked around. Could it be another earthquake? Then he realized the horse was trembling with fear. He cast another spell to calm her, but the mare wouldn't go on, so he dismounted, caressed her neck and went on alone.
As he strode through the outlying buildings, all he heard was the roar and the raging flames as the ground shook. Then he entered the village square and the beast was before him. He saw Lancelot and the knights squared off with it at the north end of the square. They were shuffling around like pieces on a chess board, weaving in and out of the buildings and brush. Their horses had apparently been abandoned also as none were in sight.
With the beast distracted by his companions, Merlin felt the energy rise in his eyes and saw flickers of the familiar glow they took on when he cast a spell. As he finished encanting the last section, he looked straight at the beast, which roared again, shooting fire at Lancelot, who barely dodged in time. Then the beast stopped, the fire ceasing as a strange look came into its eyes. It stumbled back a few steps on its giant legs, then began to shrink. The knights reacted with surprise as their once formidable foe reduced little by little to the size of a small ground squirrel.
The beast looked around it, as if deciding what to do. A small burst of fire left its mouth.
Gawain laughed. "He'll make the King a fine pet now, won't he?"
"He's far too dangerous for that," Merlin warned. Rushing forward, he scooped him up into a small box and whisked him away before the knights could even react.
"What will you do with him?" Lancelot called after him.
"Send him back to see." And that's what Merlin did, setting the beast in a small row boat and sending it out on the waves, leaving it to its fate.
"What if the spell wears off?" Gawain read Merlin's mind.
"It will eventually but by then let's hope he's far from here."
Lancelot laughed and slapped Merlin on the back in congratulations. Then they turned and went off together to retrieve their horses.
THE END
The beast came from sea, near the northern edge of the kingdom, and took the villages by surprise. The reports of devastation shocked Camelot, and Arthur hurriedly dispatched Merlin and Lancelot to address the situation, leading half the army.
"Do what you must" was all the King instructed. Arthur was as much at a loss as everyone else.
Uthor's sudden death had left Merlin's old friend stunned. His father was such a powerful figured in the young King's life, and, although they hadn't always seen eye to eye, Merlin knew Arthur's loss was overwhelming. Merlin could only imagine how challenging it would be to both grieve such a loss and take over as liege of a kingdom. Arthur did his duty well, showing amazing strength, yet Merlin did everything possible to ease his friend's burden.
Their bodies felt him before their eyes saw him—a day before, in fact. The monstrous creature's every step shook the ground like an earthquake. He looked like a giant, mutant dragon--with rough, bumpy charcoal-gray scales, a long powerful tail, and jagged, bone-colored dorsal fins and as the beast turned and they finally laid eyes upon his arcing green-scaled back and dagger-like teeth, it left them all speechless, their jaws dropping to their laps. He and Lancelot had ridden together on the three day journey to coast, discussing strategy and comparing ideas. Neither felt confident that they had a workable plan, but once they'd seen the actual beast, Merlin's mind felt like a castle surrounded by fog—everything hazy, no clarity. He could make no decisions; take no action.
"My God!" Lancelot wheezed beside him. They watched the beast pick up a barn, screaming animals still inside, and pop it into his mouth like a slice of bread. His jaws crunched up and down, smashing the barn like a straw, stone, and wood cake with red fleshy filling.
"What in hell's army is that?" Sir Gawain said from behind them.
"That, Sir Gawain, may be the end of us all," Merlin replied as all three kept their eyes focused on the monster.
"You two have a plan then?" Gawain asked, without his usual bravado.
"If it gets too close, run," Lancelot said, eyes unmoved from the monster.
Merlin chanted a quick spell for the horses, who had begun whinnying nervously and looked ready to bolt. They'd been shifting their weight from foot to foot, ever since they'd first felt the tremors, and the sight of the monster looked to be pushing them over the edge from nervous to outright fear.
As their horses calmed, the men remained on edge. The monster, meanwhile, took no notice of them, continuing to stomp around the village, crushing everything in its path.
"You must have a spell or something." Lancelot looked at Merlin with hopeful eyes.
"It's like fighting a dragon, isn't it? You've done that." Gawain nodded with encouragement to Merlin, who fought to restrain the laugh he felt rising in his throat.
Merlin knew they were right. Magic alone held the answers for this beast. A full on assault would only make him angry and result in the sacrifice of Arthur's army. With enemies huddling on their borders eager to test the mettle of the newly crowned King, the army's strength was vital. Arthur had only sent them along as a psychological measure—to reassure the masses. Like everyone else, Arthur was counting on Merlin to save the day.
He flipped through spells in his mind, closing his eyes as he did. He'd long ago memorized them, still, the book itself rode securely in the worn leather saddlebag which banged against his left life with every bump in the trail as he rode. His mind flooded with memories—fighting trolls and demons, plagues and a famine. Many of those enemies had been formidable, intimidating. All had caused him to doubt his abilities; to question how and if he would ever manage to find a solution.
The wind swelled and the smell of smoke and burning wood struck his nose. Mixed in with it was a fishy smell he suspected came from the monster itself. As the monster turned and came between the sun and Merlin's party, their day turned black as night, all light overwhelmed by the shadow of the beast.
A thought came to Merlin: "What are you afraid of?"
"Him!" Gawain answered before Merlin even realized he'd spoken it out loud.
Merlin shook his head. "No the beast. If we knew his fears, we could use it against him."
"Something that big must not fear anything," Lancelot replied.
Merlin began chanting the words to a spell. The sky lit up as the clouds turned to flames of fire all around them. The beast reacted to the flames with a raging roar loud enough to rattle their ears and cause the horses to whinny with fright.
"Perhaps if you'd lit the monster instead of the clouds..."
Merlin brushed off Gawain with a wave and continued the spell. Flames swirled overhead then converged together surrounding the beast. The beast roared again, swinging its tail in a wide arc as fire poured from its open mouth.
"I was hoping to drive him away from the village and back to sea." He'd once fought a dragon with fire balls. It didn't have any long term effect but made the dragon change position. His mind raced for another tactic. "I need to be closer for this to work."
"Closer? Are you mad?" Gawain looked to Merlin as if he might flee any moment.
Merlin ignored Gawain and looked at Lancelot. The knight nodded, showing no fear. "We'll ride around to the north and draw his attention."
Merlin smiled. "Thank you, Lancelot."
"This had better work," Gawain scolded as Lancelot gave the orders behind him and the knights rode off together.
Merlin steered his horse straight up the hill toward the village. The main road led to the sea from where they'd stopped, so he knew it would lead him to his foe.
As he rode, he continued chanting. The spell was complicated, with many sections. He'd only used it twice before, and it might be their only hope. In theory, the spell could shrink things. He'd only used it on objects before, and Gaius had implied it wasn't meant for use on living beings. But given their desperation and the lack of options, he had to try.
The heat of the burning village increased with the smell of the beast as he drew nearer. Sweat dripped from his brow. He'd never been religious but felt inspired to offer a brief prayer, for the safety of his companions at the very least.
His horse stopped like it had struck a brick wall, almost throwing Merlin to the ground. Merlin looked around. Could it be another earthquake? Then he realized the horse was trembling with fear. He cast another spell to calm her, but the mare wouldn't go on, so he dismounted, caressed her neck and went on alone.
As he strode through the outlying buildings, all he heard was the roar and the raging flames as the ground shook. Then he entered the village square and the beast was before him. He saw Lancelot and the knights squared off with it at the north end of the square. They were shuffling around like pieces on a chess board, weaving in and out of the buildings and brush. Their horses had apparently been abandoned also as none were in sight.
With the beast distracted by his companions, Merlin felt the energy rise in his eyes and saw flickers of the familiar glow they took on when he cast a spell. As he finished encanting the last section, he looked straight at the beast, which roared again, shooting fire at Lancelot, who barely dodged in time. Then the beast stopped, the fire ceasing as a strange look came into its eyes. It stumbled back a few steps on its giant legs, then began to shrink. The knights reacted with surprise as their once formidable foe reduced little by little to the size of a small ground squirrel.
The beast looked around it, as if deciding what to do. A small burst of fire left its mouth.
Gawain laughed. "He'll make the King a fine pet now, won't he?"
"He's far too dangerous for that," Merlin warned. Rushing forward, he scooped him up into a small box and whisked him away before the knights could even react.
"What will you do with him?" Lancelot called after him.
"Send him back to see." And that's what Merlin did, setting the beast in a small row boat and sending it out on the waves, leaving it to its fate.
"What if the spell wears off?" Gawain read Merlin's mind.
"It will eventually but by then let's hope he's far from here."
Lancelot laughed and slapped Merlin on the back in congratulations. Then they turned and went off together to retrieve their horses.
THE END
March 1, 2011
Writing my First Sequel
At the beginning of February, I started writing my first sequel novel, tentatively titled "The Returning," which carries on the story of my forthcoming first novel "The Worker Prince." An epic space opera series, the books tell the story of Davi Rhii, born a slave but raised a Prince, who helps his native people of birth win their freedom and full citizenship in the Borali Alliance.
Whereas the first book is a space opera coming of age story set against political intrigue and a revolution, the second book is more of a thriller/mystery with forces rising to try and upset the balance and restore the Alliance to its pre-revolution state with Rhii and his people enslaved again.
It's an interesting experience to revisit a milieu you know so well. On the one hand, I feel very comfortable writing these characters and much world building is already in place. On the other, I felt the need to start with a multi-chapter outline through Chapter 5. While I reserve the right to change the outline as I go along, and I have, the desire to connect the story and capture the feel of the first novel compelled me to do more planning than usual.
It's interesting to work within the parameters I've already set forth with a different type of story. On the one hand, banter between characters is fun and easy to write, and I am finding it easy to just drop in the back story in little chunks in trying to avoid the common mistake of sequels known as the info dump (I was criticized for this some on my first novel and endeavored to fix what I could). On the other hand, because I know it so well, I have no idea how much is too little or too much, and I find myself seeking beta readers who have not read the first book to better guage their sense of frustration at knowing too little or desire to know more and when. So far, the betas have not even mentioned this, so I may be doing okay, although I have asked them to write questions which occur to them and where in order to give me an idea if there are pressing questions readers need answered at certain points along the way.
While it took me a bit to get back into the swing of things, so to speak, it's delightful to write these characters knowing them so well because I can actually enjoy the scene as it unfolds almost like a reader would, much more so than the first time around. Of course, when I run into a new character that's a bit different, but so far it's mostly been the old regulars. I have dealt with mostly new settings however, and that allows me to introduce some new technologies (i.e. gadgets) and other ideas to build the world further. In some ways I think introducing new settings with familiar characters will make it easier for the reader. It provides them with familiar guides to lead them into the new parts, which keeps them still feeling like they're with old friends rather than disjointed and on totally unfamiliar ground.
I also notice how my craft has evolved. Although I will still need many drafts to polish, I am adding more detail in this first draft than I did in the past and setting up story arcs, inner monologues, etc. much better. So far the beta reader who wrote back to me said "I'm not bored" implying he was intrigued and it challenged him to give notes as a result. I'll call that a good sign that the book is on track.
Interestingly, I just finalized the contract on Book 1 at long last and will probably sign it officially this week. So we are off and running with a projected publication date in late Summer. Next week, I go to Rainforest Writer's Village from Wednesday through Saturday to do nothing but write, so I hope to get two chapters done there. Since I just wrapped chapter 3 today and plan to do another before I travel, that would put me at seven, around half way. Exciting stuff. What have your experiences with sequels been like?
Whereas the first book is a space opera coming of age story set against political intrigue and a revolution, the second book is more of a thriller/mystery with forces rising to try and upset the balance and restore the Alliance to its pre-revolution state with Rhii and his people enslaved again.
It's an interesting experience to revisit a milieu you know so well. On the one hand, I feel very comfortable writing these characters and much world building is already in place. On the other, I felt the need to start with a multi-chapter outline through Chapter 5. While I reserve the right to change the outline as I go along, and I have, the desire to connect the story and capture the feel of the first novel compelled me to do more planning than usual.
It's interesting to work within the parameters I've already set forth with a different type of story. On the one hand, banter between characters is fun and easy to write, and I am finding it easy to just drop in the back story in little chunks in trying to avoid the common mistake of sequels known as the info dump (I was criticized for this some on my first novel and endeavored to fix what I could). On the other hand, because I know it so well, I have no idea how much is too little or too much, and I find myself seeking beta readers who have not read the first book to better guage their sense of frustration at knowing too little or desire to know more and when. So far, the betas have not even mentioned this, so I may be doing okay, although I have asked them to write questions which occur to them and where in order to give me an idea if there are pressing questions readers need answered at certain points along the way.
While it took me a bit to get back into the swing of things, so to speak, it's delightful to write these characters knowing them so well because I can actually enjoy the scene as it unfolds almost like a reader would, much more so than the first time around. Of course, when I run into a new character that's a bit different, but so far it's mostly been the old regulars. I have dealt with mostly new settings however, and that allows me to introduce some new technologies (i.e. gadgets) and other ideas to build the world further. In some ways I think introducing new settings with familiar characters will make it easier for the reader. It provides them with familiar guides to lead them into the new parts, which keeps them still feeling like they're with old friends rather than disjointed and on totally unfamiliar ground.
I also notice how my craft has evolved. Although I will still need many drafts to polish, I am adding more detail in this first draft than I did in the past and setting up story arcs, inner monologues, etc. much better. So far the beta reader who wrote back to me said "I'm not bored" implying he was intrigued and it challenged him to give notes as a result. I'll call that a good sign that the book is on track.
Interestingly, I just finalized the contract on Book 1 at long last and will probably sign it officially this week. So we are off and running with a projected publication date in late Summer. Next week, I go to Rainforest Writer's Village from Wednesday through Saturday to do nothing but write, so I hope to get two chapters done there. Since I just wrapped chapter 3 today and plan to do another before I travel, that would put me at seven, around half way. Exciting stuff. What have your experiences with sequels been like?
