Heather Dixon Wallwork's Blog, page 19

The Day I Got My Dog

 Going through my stuff today, and I found this:
 It's something I wrote, by the looks of the spelling, in first grade.  The Day I got my Dog.  Behold:

"I like Dogs wons I ast my mom and dad for one they" said, yes eney one Just make share you get home and I said ok I got a trampe I Love it it was brone and it had flafy earts it us cute. so I brang it home my mom and dad ware dlitid*.  then one day it ran away I got it and I said bad Dog and she hist ant some thing it was a ratlsnacke
I saw it I was scerd then I herd noisise the Dog Kild the ratlesnak"

*delighted

The next page has a picture I drew of my dog:


I never had a dog growing up.


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I haven't been posting like usual due to deadlines and stuff, but next post will have real drawings.  In the meantime, remember Oregon Trail?  Well here is Organ Trail, a game where you try to cross the country in a sea of zombies.  Will you be a cop from Kentucky, or a lawyer from Miami?  Will your van make it without running out of gas?  Will the zombies eat any members of your party??

Play now.  Thank me later.

Encounter

The other day I ran into a high school acquaintance.

This is always nerve-wracking.  I was kind of a loser in high school.

She was nice, though.  She was like:
"I saw you on campus the other day."

And I was like:
"O rlly?  We shoulda said hai!"
And she was like:
"You were talking to yourself."
And I was like:

And she said:
" A lot."
And I was like:
And she was like:
"Your hands were moving and stuff."
And I was like:


"Let's talk about something else!"
Isn't it nice to know that some things never change??

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I'm delighted to say that the speedpaint blog has taken off!  I'm really impressed by the level of talent.  If you haven't checked it out yet, go ye therefore!  If you want to join, we want to have you!  Email me at storyboarder@gmail.com

Here's this morning's speedpaint, a 30 minute of Mary Blair cinderella (actual one first, natch.)

Speedpaints & a new blog

This year I've done better with the speedpaint thing.


   

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Every so often I get a hairbrained idea.  Usually after these ideas I end up with no cash in my pockets, but fortunately this one is free :)


Since I've started speedpainting (thanks to Sebastien Gallego's digital painting class) they have helped me become better superfast.  They're good exercises and I want to share what I've learned & improve with others.  It's one of those things like a good dessert, where you want everyone to have a spoonful.

Here's the blog:  30-Minute Speedpaint.  If you want to join (and anyone can), take a look then email me:  storyboarder@gmail.com.

Cherry Peach Parfait

 For Sarah <3

The Tale of the Turkey Sandwich

The Story of the Turkey Sandwich.
 A TALE OF SADNESS AND WOE!
keh-kaaah!
 So a few weeks ago we were under a severely tight deadline at work, which meant I had been skipping a lot of meals to do me some quality time with the wacom.  So I was starving pretty much.
I thought maybe I could slip out for a little bit and get some lunch, but I didn't want to get lunch just anywhere. 

I wanted to get it at a special downtown cafe.

This cafe is totally fancy. 
They have oil paintings hanging on the walls.
They have those fancy tinkly wossnames hanging from the ceiling.
They have those fancy swirly wossnames across the floor.  (rugs?)


It's fancy.
 Ok, in this drawing it looks ghetto.  But trust me...this place is fancy.
Best of all, they have the World's Best Turkey Sandwich.  It's seriously amazing.  It's so juicy you could eat it with a straw.

Here's that picture again to convince you.  (The sandwich is in color in real life.)

You know in that wardrobe movie how the kid eats Turkish delight and then craves it forever?  That's this sandwich.  I had it once and I'll never go back.

Anyway even though the deadline was pretty tight I managed to slip away...

...and found this...
The line was HUGE!
 I was craving that turkey sandwich pretty bad though, so I got in line anyway.

 And waited.
 And waited...
 And waited some more.
 An old couple stood in front of me, and as we neared the great plains or so, the guy was like,
 "I want the turkey sandwich!"

And his wife was like,
 "No, dear.  You want the oatmeal salad."

And the guy was like,
 "Oh."

A quick rundown of the layout at this place:
It's cafeteria-style, which means you order (1) your sandwich gets toasted (2) and you walk past (3) and (4) if you don't want anything else.  But, see, if you want a salad, you go straight to (4), you don't bother with (1) or (2).  Got it?  This is important to the story so pay attention.

When it was my turn at last, I ordered at (1).
Ok remember the toaster?  They put the sandwich in and it comes out toasted, due to witchcraft...Mom told me that's how crock pots work so I would (logically) assume the same thing worked with toasters.  The point is, the bread gets toasted and jumbled up inside it and you're not sure exactly who's sandwich it is.
 So I'll be darned if the guy stuck around in the sandwich line instead of going to (4)!
 And the server guy was like,

 "What would you like on your turkey sandwich?"

The old guy was like,
 "Uuuuh...."
"Uhhhonions...and uh, bacon, and uh, tomatoes...and mayonnaise..."


I stared in horror as my sandwich was massacred before my eyes.
  Mayonnaise!  Mayonnaise!! Why??

 And given away.

And I was like, NO!  STOP!  That's my sandwich!!  You're supposed to eat the oatmeal salad!  That's MY sandwich!!

But I couldn't.  I just...stood there. 

Here's a shot of me just standing there from the back.
 Here's a wide shot of it.
 And here's a bird's eye shot of it
 ...just to show you how traumatizing this was!

 And then the old dude just sat there for a moment blinking at the sandwich.
 And then he left.
 And the server guy was like, "What sandwich did you order?"

 And I was like:
 See, because I couldn't tell him that he mixed up the order, because that would make him feel bad, and I couldn't take it back from the old guy, because that would make him feel bad, and I couldn't have them take more time to make me another sandwich because that would make everyone who'd waited forever crankier than bees.

So I was just like:



"I'm not hungry!" 

 ...and then I fled.



 and then I cried in the bathroom.

...but the bathroom had sofas and a television, so, okay.

I worked for the rest of the deadline on an empty tummy.  I don't remember if we made the deadline or not...that's just how traumatizing it all was.
However looking back, I realize I can't feel too sorry for myself.  Whenever I think of the old guy, I see this:
It's probably the first real food he's had in years.  Hope you loved it, old dude. <3

mery popins colorring

It's the month anniversary of this blog, which I started in...2006 I think.  That's 6 years of horrible artwork.  You lucky things.
It's sometimes fun to peruse the blog-finding keywords people have googled.  This is a kind of weird blog so it gets kind of weird hits.  This year I've gotten a bunch of Disney keyword searches, Delsarte, Barbie, Mary Poppins, variations of monsters & stories, Babes in Toyland, etc.  However the most popular keyword (by about 3x anything else) is:
Candyland.
I think most people find the blog through google images and if you type Queen Frostine (the most popular of the candyland searches) she's #6 search result.  I'm kind of proud of that.

...of course it helps that both she and Lord Licorice (#2 most popular hit) are absolutely ginormous pngs.  Take it you thieving dogs and don't say I never did anything for you.
Here are some of my favorite searches of the year:
"poofy dresses"

"barbie stabs ken"

"human heart pickled"

"hitting someone on the head with the back of your foot"

"if you're a monster and you know it color sheet"
(clap clap)

"scared to open window spiders"O____O
"can a centipede crawl out of a vacuum"O_________O   "What is being on drugs like?" "being on drugs like" and  "drug exhibition"Welcome to the blog 
"a victorian dance called the entwine real?"Yes.
"Symbolism of green in A Little Princess"Dear random googler:  I want to be best friends with you
"images of bad paper dolls"Baaaahahahahahaha!  
...hey...wait...

"trunk or treat is stupid", "trunk or treat anti", "morally opposed to trunk or treat"I like trunk or treat...how are these people finding me??
"why boys are so awesome"I KNOW RIGHT! 
"Heather Dixon, artist, monster"That's me!
My very favorites though are the ones you can tell kids typed.  All time winner:  
mery popins colorring
This one's for you, kid.

Speedies

 

I've been faaaairly pathetic in the speedpaint arena this year.  In fact I think I regressed...let that be a lesson to you all.  This is definitely a goal for 2012.  Also less Samurai Jack backgrounds.  coughcough

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Bookishish news:  If you haven't heard, you can get this
 for this!

It's part of an ebook promotion HarperTeen is doing called "Epic Reads Epic Deals".  You can get 9 other glam titles also for only 99¢ each until Jan. 31st, which is a pretty screamin deal.  Remember, though: Entwined is the only one there that starts with an E, and has the most love interests getting shoved into closets.  Which I think is worth 5 ramen any day!  Find ye therefore  Kindle  Nook

Here is a picture.

Family Christmas Party

Because it never gets old

Oregon Trail

This past week I visited Portland. Portland is a neat place.  Everyone there lives entirely on coffee and bagels.  This makes them young and thin and beautiful.  I didn't get much sketching done though, since I spent most of the time in the hotel bathroom sicker than a dog.  I don't really want to draw this frame.
That's ok though, because everything I need to know about the Willamette Valley I learned in 3rd grade.   YES BABY
Oregon Trail was a computer game they let us play once we finished up Typing Tutor.  They say it was educational, but I highly doubt that, since the game was fun.  One thing's for sure: Mrs. Pesout's 3rd grade class had the highest wpm average thanks to that game.  You should've seen our fingers fly.
The object of Oregon Trail was to get your wagon and family to Oregon without dying.  There were lots of different ways to play it.
Kimberly, for example, would play it safe.   She always chose to be a banker, loaded her wagon with food and tools, went at a steady pace, full rations, and always took the ferry.
She never finished the game before class ended.
I think she got to Kansas once.
Ryan, on the other hand, played it like a harp.  He chose to be a farmer, hunted when he needed to, had moderate rations, went at a strenuous pace, and also knew what "caulking" meant so his wagon never exploded in the water.  He toasted everyone with his high scores.
I think he might have married Kimberly, actually.  Weird how life goes.
Jordan played the game the same way 85% of the boy population played the game.
Like this: Jordan was the one who found out that if you hold down the arrow key and the space bar, you become a swirling vortex of bullets.
He may have perfected the technique, though I don't know if anyone will find out.  Apparently computer games aren't allowed in prison.
 Last of all, there was me.  I got my wpm average up to a whopping 42, because I needed the time to play Oregon Trail in my own special way.
And when I say "special" I mean: I tried to kill all of my wagon members.
 You may think that this would be losing the game.  But it's not, and you know why?  Because if all 5 members of your party died, YOU GOT TO WRITE YOUR OWN TOMBSTONE.  And the best part was, the next person who played Oregon Trail on that computer would find your tombstone with the funny epitaph and he would die laughing!  Hahaha!  Isn't that great?? 
So every computer class, there I was, trying to get my family members to die as soon as possible.  This was a WHOLE lot harder than it sounds.  For a game that's so darn hard to win, it's harder than heck to lose!
But I had Techniques.
 I never took the ferry or caulked the wagon.  A good ol' fording always did the trick.  Secondly: strenuous pace.  Also, bare-bones rations.  This knocks them off pretty quickly.  Until the do-gooders get in the way.    It's like the game doesn't want you to lose!
So after a while of no food and strenuous pace, weird unpronounceable diseases start to pick off your characters.  (I was in college before I realized dysentery was not pronounced "dentistry.")
Side note:  if you are playing the game this way, don't name your characters after anyone or anything you care about.  It will mess you up inside.
All this and you STILL had to do it within the class period! Talk about nerve-wracking!Anyway, if you managed to do all this, kill off all 5 members of your party including you, you got the tombstone honor!!  It was a beautiful day when I had died of cholera and the screen asked if I wanted to write my epitaph.  I did.  Oh yes I did.
I only ever wrote one thing. which I thought was the funniest thing ever.  
The lucky kid who played next found this:  My sides are splitting.