Laurie Perry's Blog, page 14

Apparently I just woke up today and wrote a novel about walking

After I wrote all this I went back and re-read it and thought, "How do I manage to take a simple topic like sticking one foot in front of the other and turn it into a telenovela? FASCINATING."

Mad skills, ya'll. And all while wearing earplugs. More on that tomorrow, maybe, unless I kill the guy with the jackhammer first.

- - -

Reader Julie asked, "Just wondering, in terms of an exercise regimen, would you recommend just a walking regimen? And if so, about how many miles a day would you say make a real difference?"

Hi Julie! I'm probably the least qualified person in the world to be giving fitness tips -- this time last year I was a VERY out of shape, unfit, low-energy, depressed, overweight person. Then again, now I am a completely nutty but less depressed, less fat, less unfit person. So I can at least share what's worked for me.

I have been trying to get back into shape ever since my divorce. I guess I just reached a point where I knew it was now or never, and that was in June of last year. I had to make some drastic changes to my life and my schedule and I needed to get my priorities straight.

I started slow (seriously slow, like glacially slow) and plodded along from June, 2010 to August, 2010. August was just kind of a low point, no walking, nothing. I started up walking again in late September, slow at first and worked up to 30 minutes a day. In November I saw a big difference in moving from a 30 minute walk to a 45 minute walk each morning. My body changed and my mood improved dramatically and my energy level went way up. It wasn't an overnight transformation as you can see. It took five months to work up to a 45-minute walk each day and there were lots of stops and starts along the way.

Now I do about 90 minutes each morning, but I'm also trying to lose weight (not simply maintain fitness) so it works for me. This morning the weather was great (cool and cloudy) so I walked for two hours and twenty minutes! And the first three miles were uphill. CRAZY. My stamina has increased dramatically and I'm much faster. Like everyone there are days when I do less and days when I do more but I try to do something active every day, even if it's just walking to the corner and back.

Having said all that, by far the biggest change came when I added walking up and down hills! I just started that recently after my move. I have been doing this for about six weeks now and in that time my legs have become so strong that I can see a visible difference in my calves. And my fitness level has improved, too. The first few times I tried walking up the Hollywood Hills I about died. Now I do it almost every day.

Even after having one for all these years I am astonished at how well the human body works. The first day I walked uphill I could barely breathe. It gets easier and less huff-and-puff with each passing day. It's like my body has become my own personal science experiment.

The most important thing to remember is that this is a long-range thing. You don't have to walk eight miles today or ever. I started with five minutes and just kept at it.

- - -

Reader Faith wrote, "Hi Laurie! I'm so proud of you for getting all that walking in. I've been walking myself for 2 1/2 miles every day. It takes me about 45 min. So...I'm curious, how long is it taking you to walk those 8-9 miles? Sounds like lots of fun walking in the hills!"

Hi there! Oh, the hills are so beautiful. I had to move so fast I just took the first cheap place I could find that was move-in ready and I was not exactly overcome with happiness about it. But then one day I discovered how close I am to the Hollywood Hills and since that day my whole attitude has changed. It's just so darn pretty.

Right now I do the first two or three miles in the hills and it's slower going, then I switch to flat sidewalks. The current loop I'm doing is 5 1/4 to 5 1/2 miles and takes me almost exactly 90 minutes. If I add in an extra walk in the evenings it's usually just on flat sidewalks and I do about an hour (I seem to be keeping a 3.5-mile-per-hour pace on the sidewalk) so that brings a day's mileage to just over eight miles.

There was one day where I got a little turned around and walked seven miles at one time and that took me about two hours. I felt like I had just cured cancer or something. I was so excited I think I texted everyone I knew and told them about it. Then I showered and went back to bed.

Now I try to do a single long walk (about two hours) one morning a week, and it's about seven miles or just under. Today I walked just over eight miles in 2 hours 22 minutes, mixing both hills and sidewalks.

By the way -- and I know you didn't ask this -- but I completely understand that not everyone is going to be able to fit that long of a chunk into a daily routine right away. Obviously I had my own stuff going on and I personally needed to make this massive lifestyle change. I wanted to change my life and not be a morbidly obese person who was mired in depression and lived for "one day" sometime in the elusive future when I was thin and happy.

So I made changes. Therapy, walking, sleeping, cutting my expenses so I could live on less and have more time to get well. It's a process. It's absolutely working. But I'm not going to lie, it did not happen overnight. It's been almost a year and I'm still kind of in the middle of it. The difference is of course that I am now a whole lot closer to the "one day" version of me than I was this time last year.

- - -

Gaile wrote, "Laurie I am sure you told us this already, but how did you get started walking? I live in a rather hilly area, and I want to get in shape, I'm embarrassed when I am winded walking up two flights of stairs at work, but I get discouraged and honestly sometimes I get scared walking. Not of the neighborhood. Of dropping dead from being out of shape! And I'm not that overweight - maybe 20 lbs - and I work a job where I'm on my feet all the time. But I know I'm out of shape, and want to start walking and enjoying it. Would love to hear your thoughts on that. Hi to Bob and the girls!"

Good morning, Gaile! I am SO GLAD you asked this question because I have a goofy story for you. I bought the Nike sport band thing in January of 2009 and my intention was of course to get back into shape. I was still working at the bank and commuting loooong hours and I had no time to sleep or walk or do anything fun. I was very overweight and I used to get winded putting on my pantyhose. I was determined to start the new year right and do some walking before work each day.

Those New Year's resolutions. What can I tell you. I installed the Nike + thingy and the very next day I set my alarm even earlier than usual to get up and go for a walk.

I was a zombie in the morning. I laced up my new shoes and put on the wrist band and did the steps you're supposed to do to get it to track your time. Then I started my walk. Fitness! You will be mine! If I don't die on this walk!

I made it a whopping six minutes. Seriously. I walked up the sidewalk and back and after six minutes I needed to go back to bed. I was so exhausted and beaten down and out of shape. And later that day when I tried to upload my stellar walk on the computer I discovered the sensor had nothing to upload. I was so mad! I'd paid good money for that thingamajig. Plus I'd gotten up at 3:45 in the morning just to take that six-minute walk.

It took me a few days to realize that I had been walking so slow the Nike chip thought I was standing still and didn't record my walk. SO EMBARRASSING. Ah the good ole days when I was a garden slug.

I kept at it, though. After just two weeks of walking every morning I could see real improvements in my stamina and breathing and all that. Getting started was the hardest part. Staying motivated was the next hardest. For the rest of 2009 my walking went in cycles... sometimes I would get my act together and walk a lot in a month and then there would be three or four months of nothing.

As you can see it hasn't been a straight path from slug to daily walker. It took a lot of stops and starts before I got active. I had to change my whole life's structure and routine and it took time. Even right after my move in March I abandoned walking and just marinated in my own sloth for a few days. The difference now is that the periods of sloth are much fewer and shorter. MUCH shorter. What would have been a three-month spiral of doom and poor eating and depression and general couch potatoness lasted about two weeks.

During my long slow many months of start-stop I did discover two things that may be helpful to you:

1) If you walk in the mornings, a cup of coffee before the walk will make a world of difference! I usually wake up, have coffee and then go out. Just one cup of coffee makes my whole day better.

and

2) You will improve. No matter how out of shape you are the first day you will see improvements (noticeable, serious improvements) in your endurance and strength in just two weeks of walking every single day. It may be a small change but the body is sort of incredible and will surprise you.

I still think about that day when I barely made it around the block. Now I walk at least five miles every morning, half of which is uphill! And this is me we're talking about -- a former slug.

- - -

An email from reader Johnny asked, "Do you listen to music or what when you're walking?"

I'm all about the silence. And also pretty sure this makes some people cringe! No music, no tapes, no ipod, no earbuds, no audiobooks here. I use my walking time like other people use meditation. Those walks are my writing time. I compose paragraphs, work out the plot, write and re-write essays for this website all in my head while I walk. It's the closest I can get to meditating. It's also where I worked out the whole plot for my fiction book.

I've been taking two walks a day lately even when it's hot because of the LOUD CRAZYMAKING construction going on next door. Sometimes I just have to escape, so walking is my quiet time.

- - -

Canadian reader SandyB wrote, "Eight and nine miles! That is freaking awesome. Do you know that that is 12.8 and 14.5 kilometers in Canada ... isn't that the best? And then when we convert weight from lbs to kilograms my 150 lbs is 68.8 kilograms. Rock the metric it is win win!"

I LOVE THE METRIC SYSTEM! I mean listen, I'm American so I have no idea how to use it, but I love it for just the reasons you pointed out. I was on skype a while back with a friend who lives in Europe and I told him how many miles I walked then asked him to convert it to kilometers so I could sound like more of a badass. Yes, I really am that superficial.

Also, GO CANADA!

- - - -

So I love that we're all talking about and thinking about walking. There have been lots of interesting questions and chitchat and emails about walking lately. I'm certainly not an expert and Lord knows I'm not a picture of physical fitness, I'm just a regular shmoe trying to get off the couch.

Maybe that's a good perspective, though! I think if a skinny fitness instructor type told me she had just walked seven miles in one go I would not believe I could do it. But this is me we're talking about. I am carrying some good old fashioned American heft up and down those hills. I just started slow and worked up to it and didn't give up and now I can surprise even myself with my own endurance.

Walking is probably the closest I will ever get to real meditation and I like the way my brain clears out and calms down and it helps me sleep better, too. ALL that good stuff. But let's be real, I also want to lose weight and fit into my pants.

Has walking helped me lose weight? Yes. Absolutely. I saw my friend Corey a few weeks ago and she almost didn't recognize me, in a good way. But is it slow going? ALSO YES. And only now, a year later, I've started to become OK with this. I needed this time to get my mind straight and work through my stuff and I think it's been better for me in unexpected ways, going slow, adding incrementally to progress and fitness. I have had times when I've felt impatient, times when I slugged out and wanted to give up.

A few months ago I started to see how I've always associated walking (an activity I love) with weight loss (a topic I frankly hate). So that in my life walking became something I was "supposed" to do and "should" do and that sucked a lot of enjoyment out of it. In fact, I often avoided the activity all together because there is so much mental crap tied up with being fat/being a failure/not exercising enough.

Around this time I made the division between walking because it feels good and walking for weight loss. I decided that if I never lost another ounce I wanted to keep walking every day because it feels so good. And if people don't like the way I look they can stick it up their hoohah.

So yes, I have lost weight. But I am not skinny. I will probably never be skinny. People who think I need to be skinny need to find other things to worry about. I just do. not. care.

These days I walk because I like it, not because anyone is telling me to walk to lose weight. Something about that distinction has made a world of difference to my outlook.

It has been one wild year of changiness!

----

Last one, promise, about legs and pants and then some navel-gazing:

When I get back from my long walks, like this morning, I take a long, hot shower and then I rub my ankles and feet and calves with castor oil. I know it sounds like some weird old wives tale but it really works for muscle soreness and pain and stuff. And it makes your skin soft, too. I bought a bottle of castor oil at Whole Foods for about $6 and it lasts several months. If your feet or legs get sore after a long hike this may work for you. I love it.

And a few people have emailed me to say they tried the same shoes I'm using (Nike Free Run shoes) with great results. I'm so happy! I love sharing a find that works. So that got me thinking about one last thing:

Pants.

I wasn't going to write about this because it seems sort of embarrassing, but then I saw an article about some lady runner and she mentioned how important her special running shorts were (I think she called them "skins" or something) to cut down on chafing. And this lady was seriously thin and athletic, so it made me think that perhaps this is just a human body issue, not just a chub rub issue.

Last October when I really started ramping up my walking routine, I knew it was time to advance from brief 30-minute and 40-minute walks to longer walks of up to an hour or longer. But the first time I did a long walk I got some serious chafing issues halfway through the walk and had to hobble back two-plus miles home and that was a sad sight. I was just wearing regular old black track pants from Target, and the seams on my pants legs were thick double-knit bumps that rubbed and hurt.

So I went to Target and found . Now I know some of you are saying, $36 for a pair of track pants? Are you out of your mind? But hear me out.

If you pay $36 for a pair of pants that don't chafe or rub on your skin and that means you take longer and longer walks with no discomfort, then you are more likely to have better and better health from all that walking and exercising, maybe sleep better, maybe lose weight, maybe feel great. And if you keep on doing it (and don't quit because your shoes hurt or your pants rub the wrong way) you will get fitter and healthier and may even add years to your life.

Is that worth $36 to you?

This is how I've rearranged my life, and it's taken a year to get this far but it's working. I ask myself why I'm willing to spend money on Netflix or cable TV or popcorn or whatever and yet I balk at $36 for track pants. It's small things that can make a big difference.

It's been one year almost to the day that I left the bank and all those little changes have made a big turnaround. Yes, I'm poorer and I can't really afford a vacation and freelancing is uncertain. What's also true is that I'm not the same fat, sad, unhappy, lethargic, stressed-out version of me I was this time last year. I used to wake up each day already behind schedule, angry, and ashamed at what I saw in the mirror. I was depressed and I couldn't sleep and I kept breaking out in hives. Now I wake up and wonder if I should hike up the steep hill or the really steep hill, and then I think about this book I'm writing, I write, I wonder what the day will bring and I look forward to it. I have sad moments and happy moments and awkward moments, but that's normal. I'm not a broken, dispirited, gloomy woman anymore. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Maybe I don't want you to lose hope. If I could turn the bus around I believe it's possible for anyone to do it.

It's not just about walking or eating well or doing what you love. You have to plug in, do whatever it takes to make things work harmoniously, take control of your life and body. But you already know that. I wasn't actually sure this year would work, I knew it was a risk (it still is!) but I'm here to tell you it's actually working. Somehow I managed to turn it all around. It's been slow, and it's not even over yet, but at least I am finally going in the right direction. And really, that is enough.

The sweater pattern is ready!

In case you are just joining our story in progress, a while back I saw a beautiful summer sweater in the display window of an upscale Los Angeles boutique. I loved it. I wondered aloud in an asking way if any knitters here had seen a pattern that looked exactly like the boutique sweater. Many awesome people responded and if you go back and look at the original post here and follow-up here you can find links to many free patterns online.

But none of the free patterns were exactly, totally 100% the same style sweater and I'm not the sort of knitter who can just wake up one morning and whip up a sweater by scratch or re-do a whole pattern on the fly and then Lisa in North Hollywood emailed her friend Vera in Los Angeles and Vera looked at the sweater and offered to make a pattern for one. And she did, in like three days! Crazy! You can see her sweater on her blog and purchase the pattern there as well. It's only $5.50 for the pattern to make this beautiful summer knit, I'm in AWE. I love it when people have mad talent and create beautiful things which I can then use to make my own beautiful creation. This is how I feel about chocolate, and wine, and food, and yarn, and movies, and this pattern. Very happy!

I got my yarn yesterday and started swatching. I started with a size 10.5 needle (that's at the bottom half of the swatch) and moved up to a size 11 needle, which created some crazy tension. Usually I'm a very even knitter (this is one of the advantages of being a tight knitter, even, perfect stitches) but on the larger needle I was careening out of control. I haven't decided which one to go with, I held both against my wrist and I think the fabric created by the smaller needle may actually work better.

Does cotton block well? I never knit with cotton. Hard to say. This yarn is 50% viscose, 50% cotton. It's a little shiny but for $22 it was a steal. My first real, adult-sized human sweater is now under construction. Happy summer knitting!

Easy slouchy hand-knit hipster hat (free pattern!)

I love knitting hats and I make a lot of them, mostly for family members and friends who live in colder climates. But there is one style of hat that is everywhere right now, even in summertime Los Angeles: the slouchy hipster hat. It's longer and a little looser that a traditional knit hat and you don't turn up the brim. Bright colors and textured cotton-blend yarn give this hat a relaxed Venice Beach look.

Here is my vintage bear modeling the hat:



(That's just a placeholder pic until I get some good pictures of my nephew Brett in his hipster hat.)

Free Pattern: Easy slouchy hand-knit hipster hat

Skill level: Beginner/Intermediate

Materials:

• Heavy worsted-weight yarn, approx 220 yeards. I used one ball of Noro Taiyo color #6

• Gauge: 4.5 stitches/inch

• Needles: 16" Circular and double-pointed needles (DPNs) of same size. I used size 9 needle, but you may need to go down to a size 8. I tend to knit a little tighter than most knitters. Knit a swatch if you're in doubt.

• Other: Stitch markers, one large-eye yarn needle, scissors.

Things you may find useful when knitting this hat:

• The easy roll-brim hat pattern, the basis of all my hat recipes

• Working with circular needles

• A little diatribe on decreasing stitches

• My regular ribbed-brim hat recipe

General hat tip: I have learned from knitting approximately one gagillion hats that for most adults you can estimate a good fitting hat at 18" of finished fabric. This particular hat is a bit slouchy, measuring in around 20" in finished diameter. If you want a closer-fitting cap (like a beanie) check back in a few days, I've made a few of those, too and will post the pattern shortly.

Pattern:

Cast on 88 stitches. Join for knitting in the round, making sure your stitches are not twisted. You can place a marker if you like, but the world will not stop spinning on its axis if you don't have a marker. I never use one until I'm ready to start decreasing.

Knit in (Knit 1, Purl 1) ribbing for 1 1/2" or so.

Switch to stockinette, which means you knit every stitch in the round.

Knit in stockinette until the hat measures 9" or 9 1/2" from the cast on edge.

Begin decreasing:

- Place a marker to denote the beginning of the round, if you haven't already been using a marker.

- (Knit 9, Knit 2 together)* across the round. End with 80 stitches.

***TIP*** After every decrease place a marker. Use different colored markers from the one you use to signify the end of a round. This little trick will save you so much time and brainpower when decreasing for a hat. Now every time you work a decrease row, you know to knit together the two stitches just before the markers.

- Knit one round.

- (Knit 8, K2tog) across round. End with 72 stitches.

- Knit one round.

- (Knit 7, K2tog) across round. End with 64 stitches.

- Knit one round.

- (Knit 6, K2tog) across round. End with 56 stitches.

- Knit one round. This is also where I switched to double-pointed needles (DPNs).

- (Knit 5, K2tog) across round. End with 48 stitches.

- (Knit 4, K2tog) across round. End with 40 stitches.

- (Knit 3, K2tog) across round. End with 32 stitches.

- (Knit 2, K2tog) across round. End with 24 stitches.

- (Knit 1, K2tog) across round. End with 16 stitches.

Cut the yarn tail, leaving about 10 inches of yarn. Thread the yarn through a large-eye needle and pull it through all the remaining stitches on your needles. I do this twice because I am a little OCD. Weave in all ends. And you have a hat!

Markers after every decrease, plus a different marker to denote the beginning of a round.

Yes, it's a loooong hat.

My self-portrait picture-taking skills have seriously devolved.

Question of the week

I love my reader email. Ya'll know I am pathologically opposed to giving advice until someone asks for it, and then I give them not just advice but one of my many half-cocked theories. And I have so many theories! One day I plan to write a book of all my theories. I will call it: My Head Had To Be Surgically Removed From My Own Backside!

Here is this week's email:

Hello Ma'am!

I would like to first state that this is NOT a joke. No matter how funny this may seem.

I was a born and raised southerner ( by the grace of God ) I've spend the last and only 22 years of my life in backwoods Georgia, and to be honest, I've loved every second of it. But now I find myself in a bind.

I've met this girl who happens to live in Las Vegas, and I've met her several times. Like face to face. I've been in her home and shook hands with her father.

My main question is this:

How badly does the world outside of the south suck? Is love worth moving out there to be with her? I figured you would know being a member of Dixie, then moving out west yourself.

I suppose that's it. Thank you kindly for your time and your funny knitting related stories,

Benjamin

Hi Benjamin,

I do appreciate your note. And being Southern myself I can appreciate the reason for your letter and simultaneously feel just fine being called ma'am. Even though I have a traumatizing birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. But enough about me!

Your experience moving out west will depend entirely on your attitude. I have noticed that when it comes to Southerners there are two types: hothouse flowers and kudzu. My philosophy here probably applies to all sorts of folks (New Yorkers, I am looking at you) but I only feel comfortable sharing my harebrained theories if they are based on my own experience. And I know Southerners.

Hot house flowers are fascinating, healthy, and lovely. They are also very particular about their circumstances. They like staying in the same location and dealing with a limited number of variables. They enjoy their regular meals and regular admirers. They hate being hauled out to the parched desert and shoved in a car for hours on end and dealing with pests and irritants. This does not mean there is anything wrong with them -- quite the contrary. They know exactly what they like. They know where and how they will best flourish and bloom. They very much prefer to stay in their hometown environment.

Kudzu will grow any damn where. I am kudzu. I was not the loveliest girl from my high school, or the most popular, or the most affluent. Instead, I was vigorous and determined. As soon as I could scare up the will and the way I moved out west. My life is unpredictable, and I have to clench on to any old thing sometimes. But I have seen a whole lot of this planet, beautiful, amazing things. I have met all kinds of people, I have had experiences that swerve from tremendous highs to crazyass lows but it is never boring and I never give up. Kudzo keeps creeping because it just cannot stay still very long. You can cut kudzu at the knees and next week that shit will be back on your porch.

So ask yourself, "Am I kudzo or a hot house flower?" This is not to say you are born and declared one or the other. You get to choose. I think I was born kudzu but once I landed in L.A. and acclimated (it takes a year or two) I slowly developed Hot House Flower tendencies. Now I am a prissy city person who expects everything to be just like L.A. I suck! But I sure love it here.

Now that I have gone on and on with another one of my ridiculous theories, let me break this down for you:

You are 22. Georgia will always be there. Move to Las Vegas. Throw your heart into it. Choose to be kudzu for a while. Approach it like a challenge. Get into it, visit all the amazing places in the West. Learn the lingo, eat the food, figure out how to have an open, happy attitude. You may not live there forever but while you're there you will have an adventure. And what is life without a little adventure?

Do not get this girl knocked up under any circumstances until you have been together a solid five years. I may be crazy in other areas but in this one I am spot on. Wear a condom. EVERY TIME.

Move. Be your inner kudzu. Take this on like a story you're going to tell someday back in Georgia. I have never once regretted anything I did in the name of true love. Be vigorous and determined. Best of luck to you!

xo

laurie

June first!

Just a quick list with lots of exclamation points!!:

One!

It is June first!

Two!

Vera is a miracle worker and has made lots of progress on that boho boutique sweater! You can follow all the magic here on her blog. Vera! Rocks!

Three!

Reader Dorothy said it best:

Just when you think the innernet is full of weirdos and bossy types, the good shines through in a huge flash of awesome.

AGREED!

The Knitting Hive Mind has spoken

Thank you so much to everyone who helped me search out patterns for the boutique sweater I went nutso over. Thanks for the yarn suggestions, too, and pattern ideas. Honestly, why doesn't a knitter become our president? I believe the attention to detail and the snap-to-itness of a knitter are what we need in this world!

AND THERE HAVE BEEN SOME EXCITING DEVELOPMENTS!

Reader Lisa G. saw the entry about the sweater and contacted her friend Vera who makes custom patterns. Vera came over, saw the sweater, and offered to make a pattern based on the sweater and offer it for just $5.50 ... AND she'll be done writing the pattern in about a week so that gives us all time to find yarn and fidget in happiness. Here is what Vera said yesterday:

I can write this up as a pattern, top down construction, no seams, knit in sleeves (not raglan, but set-in). I would make it 16 sts/4" in a DK weight yarn to make it loose gauged like the sample in the picture.

It would take me about one week to write the pattern and knit up a prototype.

I will be working on these sizes for the pattern: 32 (36, 40, 44, 48, 52) inches. I am size 44" chest, and as I am writing up the pattern, I am working a sample sweater for myself.

Here are some of my observations/changes to the sweater in the photo. I am working the pattern so that you can just crochet a simple slip stitch around the neckline or for those who cannot crochet, knit a small ribbing around the neckline. That can be done either as a rolled rib (stockinette stitch) or K1/P1.

I am not going to make drop shoulders but there is shoulder shaping with set-in sleeves. Otherwise, the shoulder part will droop down your arms.

Since I am doing the pattern in top-down, seamless construction, there will be NO sewing involved at all! :) I will give extensive instructions for those who have never knit a sweater like that before.

The sweater will have waist shaping, but for those who want the sweater to go straight down, you just omit the shaping part.

Because it is top-down construction, you decide on the length as you try on the sweater while working it.

If any of you have access to ravelry (knit and crochet community on line, free to join - I equate it to facebook for knitters/ crocheters), my user name is: sunfunliving and I have a group on ravelry where I will post photos of the progress.

Vera and Lisa, knitters saving the day! Aaaaand then I corresponded with reader Connie who offered to do a yarn swap with me and after yesterday something crazy good happened and I felt like all the irritation and weirdness I have been feeling about the internet was washed away and replaced my happiness and love and a renewed vigor to lock Al Gore in a naked bearhug and thank him for inventing this place.

Wait, was that an overshare?

- - - UPDATE!!! (Monday 5/31 at 11:15 a.m.) - - -

I just got an email from Vera with a pic of the work-in-progress. Cannot explain my awe at how someone has the amazing skill to design a sweater from a picture, and also wow she's fast! Check it out:

AWESOME.

- - - (now back to the rest of the entry) - - -

So I am on fire with this sweater and started swatching last night in some cotton I had in my stash. It's worsted weight and not at all right for this sweater but when you are lit up with the flame of swatching nothing can stop you:

Worsted weight cotton/poly blend yarn on size 13 needles.

Not airy enough, but still, swatching! Also I know the needle looks like it says size 11 in the picture but it's size 13. The paint of the "3" is worn off.

Here is what I learned from working up this too-large weight yarn on not-large-enough size 13 needles: While the end result is too dense for the sweater, I was able to knit it up while I chatted on the phone with my mom for less than a half hour and based that, this whole sweater is going to be a very quick knit.

It took about 25 minutes to get a good five inches of fabric. Can I get a what what for a fast summer knit? Hello!

I am so excited about making my first sweater. Well, first sweater that is not for a baby or a dog. Yay! Are you planning to knit this, too, so I can ask you questions and see your results which will surely be finished seventeen weeks before mine? I'm all for knit-along though let's be honest, I suck at organizing things that don't involve food, so let's just do this: I'm going to make this sweater. From some yarn and Vera's pattern. I am also in the last bit of finishing up my book so even though this is a fast-looking knit I may or may not finish this sweater by the time the world ends. If you want to knit a similar sweater but not the exact duplicate, check out the links provided by the Superfriends of Knitting in the comments of yesterday's post. Maybe one will be right for you. And though we may not all be knitting the same exact sweater at the same exact time, it will be this loosely joined collective of Boho Boutique Sweater knitters. Yay!

Also I realize this particular style is not everyone's fashion cup of tea (I know somewhere out there a woman is saying, "This is what you crazy California people think is fashion? Really?") so I hope you find a summer sweater out there somewhere that sets you on fire the way this one did for me.

If you did like that style you may be pleased to know that while I was there on the sidewalk taking pictures of the store's display window I figured I should snap a few photos of the other cute sweater in the window. Obviously a handknit as well, this one is even more summery, with a cute tank top underneath. I don't really do sleeveless but if I did this would be next on my list:

I love the breezy California style! And I love the internet. I should have known all it would take was some knitting and some knitters to get me back into the groove. I can't thank you enough for that. Thank you to everyone who chatted with me yesterday both here and on Twitter. When I get to thank Al in my special way you all will be the first to know.

Knitting Minds Activate! Form of Boutique Sweater!

You GUYS. It's finally happened. This is the moment I have been waiting for since 2005! I finally found the one adult-sized sweater that has gripped me in its yarny vice and made me absolutely crazy to knit it.

Late last week when I passed the window display of a little boutique on the boulevard I saw this sweater and stopped right in my tracks. The shop wasn't open so I took a bunch of photos through the glass, I'm sure passers by thought I was casing the joint. This being Los Angeles though no one stopped me, hooray! And I felt very lucky to pass by this store just moments after they closed since I have been in this shop before and they only carry three sizes (small, extra-small, and make-you-want-to-cry small) and they only have one price range (Kardashian Engagement Ring). I actually love this store and plan to shop there all the time when I am much too rich and much too thin but until then I can thank them for finally showing me the one handknit sweater I must make myself or the world will stop spinning on its axis.

And I know that you all are collectively the smartest (and best looking!) knitting hive mind on the planet so can you help me find a pattern for this sweater? Have you seen anything like this? It looks like a worsted weight or just slightly thinner cotton yarn knit on large needles in plain stockinette. The cuffs and bottom are a simple 1 x 1 rib. The neck is a V-neck with what looks like a pick-up-and-knit finished neckline (yes, I know this is not a technically perfect description.) I took a ton of pictures so here we go:

How the sleeves are connected.

Basic plain old seams.

Simple 1x1 ribbing on the hem and cuffs.

Neckline. Like I said, casing the joint.

I want this sweater! It's perfect loosey goosey stockinette that is well within my happiness zone and it's beautifully chic without trying too hard. You know, casual without being dumpy and still fashionable without being Real Housewifey. Ya'll, fashion is so complex. The mannequin display has the sweater over a gorgeous red sleeveless dress and I love it, this sweater would be a nice change from covering my arms with a shrug or jacket. Plus I could wear almost year-round here in Los Angeles weather since it's knit so loose and mesh-like. Wouldn't this be cute with a tank top and jeans? Or over a very thin turtleneck t-shirt in the winter?

So I am sending this out in the knitting universe as the equivalent to putting it on the side of a milk carton. Help, please! Have you seen this pattern? Do you know where I can find a pattern to make a sweater just like this? Have you made a sweater like this? When we find the pattern want to make this sweater along with me? It could be a perfect summer knit!!

Glamour Shots

Perfection.

Perfection that poops.

Open Letter

An Open Letter To The Management Of My Old Building Who Still Haven't Reprogrammed The Door Code

Dear Russian Douchebag Building Manager,

I moved. Remember? Remember when the police came because my next door neighbor was a psychotic bag of impending disaster and I had to pack up all my crap and move in the middle of the night? You should have some recollection of this moment. If not, let me remind you who I am. I am the one whose deposit you kept. I am the one you had the unmitigated gall to bill for the next month's rent because you couldn't better screen your tenants and let a crazy woman live next to me and I had to move out suddenly and not give a written 30-day notice and I had no legal recourse so I had to pay the bill but then I spent several weeks giving you cancer with my mind.

Does that ring any bells?

Well, speaking of bells, your front door code for what used to be my home still rings to my cell phone. Except I don't live there anymore. So the gas company and the AT&T guy and some woman named Sharon keep calling me for entry to your building. They want to get into my old apartment, the one that I once loved and now secretly hope becomes infested with bedbugs.

When my phone rings and says "Front Door" I get momentarily excited because I think I might be getting a package from Fed Ex or a pizza or a check from Publisher's Clearing House. Then I answer -- too quickly -- and after I say "Hello?" my brain kicks in and remembers that I now live in a slumlord building where the front door buzzer is broken and the only "Front Door" calling me is the old apartment which houses my lost ego, lost money, and one crazyass next door neighbor, unless you finally had any success evicting her. Which I doubt.

So, listen. You need to change the front door code so that it calls the new resident of my old horrible, overpriced, terribly managed yet still very beautiful apartment. Because now I'm on to you. I renamed the phone number for "Front Door" and now it shows up on my phone as "People You Should Taunt." And when they call I'm just messing with them. I tell them Judgment Day is NEAR and God is WATCHING and He is NOT HAPPY. I told the cable guy that he needs to reevaluate his shoe choices. Sharon called me three times and on the last call I informed her she had gout. I don't even know what gout is, but I told her I could sense through the phone she was suffering this grave ailment.

I'm infinitely creative and this could go on for a while. I can work scabies into almost any conversation. And porn. And poop. Consider this while you lollygag and delay updating the front door buzzer access numbers.

Yours Sincerely,

The nice, sane, on-time-rent-paying but now broke ex-resident you screwed over in March, 2011

Riding on the metro of love

It's just after 7 a.m. and already the construction crew across the way is flinging slabs of broken concrete into a metal bin as a precursor to the symphony of jackhammering and drilling that will spring to life in twenty minutes. Aaaaand she's off...!

Yesterday I took the Red Line (metro.net, service daily) to visit my friend Jen N. downtown. I love hanging out with her, she tells the best stories (though I was so happy to see her I'm not sure I let her get a word in. Talk talk talk talk talk!) The subway is a decent and cheap way to get around the city of Los Angeles if you can accept the following three items:

1) The subway travels fairly regularly between point A and Union Station but if you need to go anywhere other than a straight trajectory you might be majestically screwed.

2) As the world's largest metropolitan transit system running entirely on the honor system, yes, in Los Angeles, honor system, you will encounter various characters from the streets who don't pay fares for many reasons, including: They are trailblazers, or practicing their crip walk, or panhandling, or don't want the aliens in the ticket machines to steal their souls, or just need a nice simple place to put all their bags of recycling while they scratch themselves with great attention and vigor.

3) There are almost never any police or patrolmen or officials or security of any kind. I once saw a man get on the train with a fully loaded, sloshing can of gas and I wanted to signal to someone but there was no one. There is almost never anyone anywhere. I got off the train and the doors closed and the man and his petrol went to Wilshire/Western. And we all lived another day.

4) If you have some of the lightly comedic forms of almost-socially-sanctioned OCD like moi, you too may enjoy the ease and simplicity of the subway but discover that when you arrive home you need to take a decontamination shower. Perhaps not a full Silkwood but at least a good solid scrubbing.

I'm just being real here, but don't let me put you off the subway. I used to ride it every day for years and aside from the high rates of men with IPS (Imaginary Package Syndrome), it's a genearally safe and efficient way to get around, linear style. The subway is ridiculously easy to use, there are automated ticket machines in every station. You can purchase a day pass ($6, valid for all local travel until 3 a.m. the following day) but if you're only going to and from a destination on a single rail line your best bet is a one-way paper ticket at $1.50. Timelines for the trains are posted on monitors on the platform. Be sure to check the digital signboard at the front of the train to be sure you're getting on the right train.

I like this picture of the red line platform, it came out moody and painterly with no effort at all on my part:

Later in the day I saw a girl at one of the stations wearing the cutest little purple knit hat. It's the same general shape/mood of the Noro Taiyo hat I'm making for my nephew but her hat was far more intricate and delicate and pretty. After staring at her for a bit and realizing I might be creepy what with my staring and all, I decided to talk to her. I don't talk to strangers. I don't even talk to people I know all that often, but such is the power of a cute knit hat. I told her I knit and then complimented her headgear and asked if I could take a picture and she said yes. Check it out:

Cute, no? I love the slouchy hipser vibe. She said she bought it in Venice Beach for ten bucks. I want to make something similar but less complicated (homie don't do lace) and I'm thinking a band of seed stitch would work really well for the bottom, then move into some stockinette. I'll let you know.

For today's flower porn section I present you with another picture of lantana close-up and in the blazing SoCal sunshine:

My mom asked me on the phone if that was a super close-up (it is) because she said it's hard to recognize that so out of scale. Good point. Below is what this flowering plant looks like when you're not zoomed in on it. I found a whole slope of nothing but brilliant, blooming flowers:

Finally, do you all remember my picture the other day of this beautiful white flower growing in a pile of crud in an alley?

Well, I got a pile of email from readers letting me know this is a "jimsonweed, also known as Datura, it's hallucinogenic and poisonous..." also with a lot of history about it being all sacred and awesome and lots of horticultural stuff which generally left me impressed with you knowledgeable flower types! I appreciate a person that has a love and detailed memory for something like flowers and I really enjoyed all the notes. Thank you!

I also loved that many of you were concerned for my safety and warned me not to eat this flower. I can promise you I will not eat it. And that brings me to my final Los Angeles Living Well Tip Of The Day! I may not know from flowers but I do know a thing or two about this city and what I have learned from living here is that if you see something beautiful -- gorgeous, unusual, lovely, sweet-talking, shiny, whatever -- in an alleyway in Hollywood, DO NOT TOUCH IT. Don't pick it up, don't let it talk to you, don't smell it, and for God's sake do not put it in your mouth.

This goes for all things animal, vegetable and mineral. It's a gospel to live by. I don't give advice very often but that's some wisdom you can take to the bank.