Wil Wheaton's Blog, page 141

the frozen pretzel conundrum

I am slowly but steadily finding my way back to that mysterious land where I feel motivated and inspired to write something every day. I blame Fallout: New Vegas for wrapping me up in an interesting world every night, and a giant stack of comic books that reminded me how much I love superhero stories. I've been working on a short short story (about 2K words) that I hope to release soon, but holy shit is it kicking my ass. I have a ton of respect for authors who can stick with a full length (or even 10K or 15K) story, because I am having a very hard time getting out of the "well, this was a good idea, but the execution really sucks" part of the process.

Anyway, that's not why I sat down to write this post. This post is about this frozen box of pretzels I bought yesterday, which can allegedly be heated to perfection in the microwave, dusted with salt (that comes in a handy packet and everything) and then enjoyed the way one enjoys a pretzel that does not suck.

What. A. Load.

Seriously, I don't think there's enough beer and mustard on the planet to make this pretzel -- which is more chewy unsatisfying lump of salty dough than what is traditionally understood to be a pretzel -- enjoyable.

But it's sitting here, on my desk, looking all sad and lumpy and pathetic, one bite taken out of it, almost apologetic. If this pretzel-like thing could talk, it would probably say, "Hey, man, I'm sorry. When I was at the pretzel place where they make pretzels, I came out of the oven and I was perfect. I was warm, I had that pretzel thing going where the outside of me is slightly thicker than regular crust, so the inside of me was all soft and kind of lighter than regular bread, but when they froze me and put me into the box, well, something just died inside of me, man."

I feel like I should apologize to the pretzel for hating it so much -- it's not entirely its fault that it sucks as much as it does -- but unlike everything else that surrounds me, this particular inanimate object doesn't seem interested in having a conversation with me that I can transcribe. Uh, beyond the one prepared statement, I guess.

I guess it's my own fault for ignoring a lifetime of disappointing microwavable bread products and ignoring the sage advice of my wife, who said, "That's going to suck, and you're going to be pissed that you bought it, and you keep complaining about feeling tubby so why are you eating pretzels, anyway?"

I guess the moral of the story is: don't go shopping when you're hungry.

In happier news, I have three pretzel-shaped frozen hunks of bread to throw at the next group of surly kids who refuse to get off my lawn.

in which i join forces with @reddit for a pretty awesome auction

 

Some of you may know that I love Reddit (and now, I guess, you all know that. And while we're in this parenthetical, is it weird that I say "you" when writing to a few million people, many of whom I'm never going to actually meet? Is it weird to be so familiar? I think saying "dear readers" or "my readers" would be even more strange. I hate the term "my ____" because it implies ownership, and that's just ... really, really not how I roll. Wow, this is a neurotic and rambling parenthetical, isn't it? I guess I'll end it now and go back to the post at hand. Let's never speak of this again.)

Recently on BoingBoing, Cory said this of Reddit, which sums up why it is the online community where I spend pretty much all of my online community time (yeah, that's a line item in the time budget):

...it's just as possible to build a society on social norms of mutual aid, compassion and whimsy as it is to build one on juvenile, meanspirited trolling and cynicism.

It's not too hard to find people who are being dicks, just like anywhere else in the world, but Reddit self-corrects better than any other online communityI've ever been part of. I have some theories on this, but I think it's because the core of Reddit users are all people who left other sites because they wanted to spend their online community time at a place where people weren't dicks, and protecting that (leading by example, usually) is important to us.

So, there. Now you know why I love Reddit so much (and here's me at Reddit, if you care about that sort of thing.)

All of this is preamble to the real purpose of this post: to point out an auction I'm doing with the Reddit admins to raise money and awareness for Fly With Dignity (or EFF, if Fly With Dignity doesn't need it).

Quoth raldi:

Back in 2009, when reddit's first iPhone app launched, kn0thing made a commercial featuring the underused marketing line, "More fun than LARPing with Wil Wheaton!"

Shortly thereafter, we had the motto laser-etched onto the back of a top-of-the-line 16GB iPod Touch and asked Wil to sign it (he's a avid redditor, of course.) We figured we could pick a charity and auction it off. I mean, who wouldn't want a piece of technology signed by this guy?

As the kids say, read the whole thing (because it's funny, and contains pictures and video that 4 out of 5 Bothans found quite amusing, and saves me the hassle of copying the whole thing.)

In addition to a spiffy and nearly-obsolete iPod Touch that is actually signed by me OMG, I'm adding a signed copy of the super swanky leather-bound and slip-cased Subterranean Press edition of The Happiest Days of Our Lives. I'm also including the audio versions of Just A Geek and Happiest Days of our Lives (it is an iPod, after all) and all existing episodes of Radio Free Burrito and Memories of the Futurecast.

Here is the auction.

The Best Chaos Elf, EVER.

Marc Roskin took this picture of me when we were filming LEVERAGE. It's sort of spoilery, I guess, but it's too hilarious not to share.

I'm not sure when this episode airs, The Ho Ho Ho Job airs December 12 on TNT, and I am sure you're going to love it.

on the benefits of being unplugged

There's a saying, possibly apocryphal, that actors act for free, but get paid to wait. If you've ever spent any time on a set, this will probably make a lot of sense to you; a day on the set usually features extended periods of boredom, punctuated by brief moments of terror -- oh, wait, that's something else. My bad. Let me try again: filming a television show or movie usually long hours of inaction, broken up by all-too brief moments of actually working. Contrary to popular belief, film sets just aren't that exciting (unless we're blowing something up), and though a job where you clock in for 12 hours but actually "work" for 5 probably sounds awesome, most actors I know (including myself) would rather work straight through and perform all day, if given the option.

Different actors do different things during these breaks in filming. Depending on how long they are, some of us will go to our dressing rooms to relax or learn lines. Others will go to our cast chairs to read a book or learn lines. There's always the trip to craft service to graze while we learn lines, too.

My time on Eureka this season didn't feature that many extended breaks, because the assistant directors did a pretty great job building a schedule that was efficient and focused. There were only a couple days where I had long hours of waiting (which I put to questionably good use), but I pretty much went to work, worked, and went home.

Most of my scenes this season were with Neil Grayston and Felicia Day because [SPOILER]. The three of us are, as the kids say, wired, so during our breaks in filming, it was pretty common for us to retire to our cast chairs with our phones, where we'd sit together and read amusing twitter messages to each other, reference each other in our simultweets, and do other activities that, to an untrained observer, appeared solitary, when they actually weren't. (Erica Cerra was constantly teasing us about sitting within a few feet of each other and talking without ever making eye contact.) It was all amusing and fun, especially when we made stupid cell phone videos together.

One day, though, we worked at a location where there was no internet or cell coverage. As it happened, it was also a day where pretty much everyone in the cast was filming the same scene. During our breaks, we all hung out together and, unable to connect to the Internet, had actual face to face conversations that didn't involve LOLCats or some funny comment on Twitter.

It was, in other words, just like the old days, and ... well, I really liked it. I felt a connection to my friends and fellow actors that was stronger than usual, that I didn't even realize I'd been missing. I recall wonderful conversations with Joe Morton about going to see the movies in an actual theater versus watching them at home, and fascinating conversations with Niall Matter about his time working on oil rigs in Edmonton. It was one of my favorite days on the set this past season.

Since that day, about a month ago, I've made conscious efforts to turn off my cell phone, get offline, and spend more time back in the analog world. The first few weeks of this were tough, because I kept feeling like I was missing something important (and there have been countless times I've thought, "Oh! I have to Twitter that!" only to realize that I can't. This is not a bad thing.) I have to tell you, I'm happier for it. It's really nice and quite convenient to be plugged in all the time, but, for me at least, it comes at a price that I wasn't even aware of until I wasn't paying it. If you can handle going offline, even if it's only for an afternoon, I highly recommend it; there's a lot of people and world out there that you don't even know you're missing.

hey, is there anything good on tv tonight?

Hey, did I mention that I'm on The Big Bang Theory tonight?

I didn't? That's weird. I could have sworn that I did. Well, allow me to just put this gentle reminder out there: Evil Wil Wheaton returns in "The 21-Second Excitation" at 8pm on CBS.

And now, another hopefully amusing video, to help you remember:

In the crazy world of big time Hollywood casting, it's common for several actors to audition for one role. Usually, we never find out who those actors were, or get a chance to see their audition tapes ... until now.

Before settling on Wesley Crusher for yesterday's stupid video, I auditioned several other hopefuls who happened to be in my office; here are some of them.

on a long run

After spending so many weeks on location, it's been more of an adjustment than usual to settle back into my normal routine here at home. For the last week or so, I've come into my office, opened up a text editor, and just stared at the blank screen and insistently blinking cursor until, frustrated, I give up trying to find something worth writing about and just go read Reddit instead.

I don't think it's the end of the world that I haven't been able to motivate myself to write more than a few words at a time, and I've come to sort of grudgingly accept that, after months of creative output, it's very likely that my brain just wants to recharge its HP and MP. Since I can't force inspiration, I've gone back to the most comfortable and inspiring constant in my life: comic books and RPGs. I've been on a real superhero kick, plowing through 52 (which I wasn't interested in at the time it came out, but have enjoyed tremendously; I'm up to week 18, so far), a re-read of 1602, and a Marvel TPB called The Heroic Age. I picked up Joss' Astonishing X-Men, and I have Brubaker's Captain America Omnibus on my desk, too. I guess, after 20+ years of reading everything but superheroes, I'm making up for lost time.

I've also been playing Fallout 3 a little bit every evening. It's taken me 17 hours to feel like I'm really doing anything, but I've enjoyed every moment of it, so far. I would like to point out that, though the Powder Gangers and Legion really hate me, I've only blasted their faces off in self defense. Thank you.

I haven't been able to get my gaming group together since ... well, shit, it's been so long I can't remember. I think it was March or April. Wow. I have all these RPG books on my shelves in my office, and nobody to play them with at the moment ... just like when I was a young geek, carrying around my red box set and a folder full of characters, just in case.

It feels good to be home, even though it's sort of like putting on a pair of pants I haven't worn in a few months. I'm hopeful that, by taking time to relax and consume things, I will be able to get excited and make things sooner than later.

Hank Scorpio would really appreciate it if you'd read this post

So, some of you may know that Evil Wil Wheaton is tormenting Sheldon Cooper again this Thursday at 8pm on CBS ... but for those of you who don't, I made a stupid video to help you remember:

In other news, I did not book the job I auditioned for last week. The feedback I got was that I gave a good performance, but they "went another way." "We went another way" is usually a euphemism for "you sucked", but when it's coupled with "you were good", it usually means exactly what it sounds like. In this case, I'm not too surprised. I was older than everyone else there, and I wasn't as ... edgy ... as just about everyone else was. I know, I know.

The good news is that I didn't suck, and now that casting has seen me, they are more likely to bring me back for other roles on the show that are more in my wheelhouse. I hope this happens, because I really like the show, which is called Fringe.

...clawing at the ceiling of his grave...

All this week, I'm recording the audio version of John Scalzi's The Android's Dream. It's a delightful book, with wonderful characters, smart dialog, and some of the most enjoyable side trips into world building I've ever read in a SF novel. Also, it's really, really funny.

Tomorrow, I'm going in later than usual, because I have an audition in the morning for a show that I'm really, really excited to possibly be on. I can't say what it is (whether I book the job or not, when it's all resolved I will reveal at least the title of the show), but it's something I've wanted to work on for years, with some creative people I really respect. So, yanno, fingers crossed and all that.

The sides I got for the audition are just wonderful (an incredible rarity these days, sadly) and the character is one of the best-drawn and most clearly-defined characters I've read in years. I'm really looking forward to trying on his skin for a little bit, and seeing how it fits. And then making a lampshade and some luggage out of it, so I can carry him with me wherever I go forever and ever and ever.

I'm really looking forward to this audition, and no matter what happens, I'm grateful to the writers and to casting for giving me something I can really work with, instead of something I have to overcome, which seems to happen more frequently than not, (and which I will blame on Reality TV, because ... why not? Fuck Reality TV, man. Fuck it right in its empty soul and black withered industry-destroying heart.) This character is a thinker, reclusive, intense, and broken. The sides just hint at it, but there is something seriously wrong with this guy, and the scenes are so well-written, I can set my twisted imagination free to run around in the field of dark and fucked up things, and use whatever it digs up to inform the character choices I make. This sort of thing hardly ever happens (the material we typically get for television just isn't this solid), so I'm making the most of it; it's pretty fun, and tremendously satisfying.

This afternoon, I told my manager, "even though this guy is nothing like me, he's right in my wheelhouse as an actor, and I'm really looking forward to this, and I feel like I'm less likely to suck than a year or two ago, because I've been lucky enough to work a lot recently, and I don't feel like I'm all rusty and weird." He pointed out that I've been getting cast in a lot of roles like this, lately, too, so something is working when I play these guys ... though both of us decided it was probably a good idea not to dig too deeply into the roots of this particular mystery. Besides, my imagination is doing a pretty disturbing job all on its own, and I don't want to mess with its mojo, lest it decide to turn me into a lampshade or something.

The Circle is Complete

Late last night, we wraped season four of Eureka. During a break in filming, I grabbed Neil Grayston and made one final stupid cellphone video from the set:

 

You can see all my stupid cellphone videos at my YouTube page of stupid videos.

on the finding (and not finding) of evil wil wheaton

We filmed until 330 this morning, and when I finally got home a little after 4am, it was all I could do to convince myself to wash off my makeup and go to sleep. I woke up at 1230 this afternoon in the same position I fell asleep, and I probably could have easily slept another 3 hours or more. When I wrap (I'm writing this from the set) in a few hours, I go straight to the airport, fly up to Vancouver, drive two hours to location, and start work on Eureka at 655 tomorrow morning.

Ever since I woke up, I've felt like I'm wrapped in this warm blanket of happy exhaustion, and I'm so grateful that I'm only in 4/8 of a page tomorrow, so by the time I really hit the wall tomorrow afternoon, I'll be able to fall into bed and stay there.

It's a lot to do, and it's as exhausting as it sounds ... but it's also a lot of fun. This has been my life to varying degrees for the last several months, and though it's overwhelming at times, and I don't have a lot of free time, all I have to do is look at the times I had as much free time as I wanted (from about 2001 to 2007) and everything falls into a wonderful perspective. I keep saying that I hope I don't wake up from this wonderful dream, and I mean it more today than ever.

Last night, we shot on the back lot at Warners. It was a night shoot, with about a hundred extras and all kinds of atmosphere - cars driving and lights changing - and I felt like I was really in the movies, more than I usually do. When we got to my scene, it took me several takes to find Evil Wil Wheaton, and I started to feel like I was screwing up and causing everyone to think twice about bringing me back for more episodes. After the second take where I just felt off, the director came over to me and told me to have more fun, don't be so controlled, and remember [SPOILER] and [SPOILER]. A few things clicked into place, and we shot a few really funny and truthful takes. I couldn't put my finger on exactly why, but Evil Wil Wheaton came to life, and I couldn't believe that, even for a second, I hadn't been able to produce him out of snarky air.

Earlier today, before we began shooting, I walked over to Mark, our director, and said, "I just wanted to thank you for helping me find Evil Wil Wheaton last night. Your notes made all the difference for me."

He said I was welcome, and told me that the scene was really funny, and looked great, too.

"I always have such a good time when I'm here," I began, and I then I knew exactly why I was having so much trouble finding Evil Wil Wheaton. "And I just realized why I was having so much trouble last night."

"Oh?" Mark cocked his head a little bit to one side and waited for me to continue.

"Yeah. I was so exited to be working outside, at night, on the backlot, and so overjoyed to just be back on this show, it got in between me and Evil Wil Wheaton. My very real joy and happiness was so overwhelming, it informed my performance and pushed it in the wrong direction. When you told me [SPOILER], it brought me out of that nerdy joy enough to focus me back on finding the truth in the scene and the character."

"I saw that happen," Mark said.

"Usually, I have four days of rehearsals and run throughs to get that giddiness out of the way -- and I honestly feel like a real freakin' noob to not have realized this right away -- but I only had the one rehearsal and the one run through on Friday, and then … well, there we were."

Mark nodded slowly and smiled at me. "Well, you were great."

"Thanks, man," I said. "I feel so silly, because it's not like this is my first rodeo, you know?"

Mark nodded, and was called away to do director stuff, so I came up to my dressing room to write this post, while the memory was fresh in my mind.

I've been an actor for just over 30 years. I've worked in nearly every environment possible, on all kinds of productions, in all kinds of roles. If I wasn't playing an evil version of myself, I would have remembered that I was playing a character who is snarky and evil and lies about his grandmother and breaks couples up to win at bowling … but that blurring of the line between me and the character I play of the same name is something that is relatively new to me. I'm grateful that I had a fantastic director like Mark to help me find and define the line between me and Evil Me again.

Added long after we wrapped: Seconds after I finished writing this, I was called to the set to work, and then I got in a car to come straight to the airport. I'm waiting to board my plane back to Vancouver now, and I have a moment to edit and post this. Before I get on my plane and instantly fall asleep, I want to add that had a wonderful time on the show, like I always do, and I just want to take a moment to once again thank the cast, crew, writers and producers for making me feel so welcome. My episode airs on November 11 on CBS. I really hope you'll tune in, and tell your friends to watch.