Dallin Malmgren's Blog, page 30

The earth is flat…

Artwork by Annalisa Barelli

There’s an NBA guy who said that—took a lot of scorn—but I get it. He was just looking at his world.

Our perception of the earth equals our consciousness. It is not the same for all of us. We see what we see; think what we think; and believe what we believe…and constantly seek verification from the outside world. That is flat consciousness.

We are not meant to flatline—we are meant to notice things—to be different—to be exhilarated and dismayed—to change (grow) from one day to the next. If you are at the same place every day, is there any path you are moving on? That might be a good definition for discontent: always moving, going nowhere.

So our own world has become flat. Are we honest enough to admit it? Are we willing to do something about it? What do we do? Obviously, we need our perception to change (there’s that word again). Most of the time we look in the wrong direction: a job, a career, a marriage, a house, different friends, a new image, a new phone. Discontent is internal. I am not saying that your circumstances do not affect your state of being. There is suffering in this world that can never be equated with one’s point of view. But whatever your state, where is the cure? The source of the fire is within. We have to be changed from the inside out (a recurring theme of mine). That internal transformation can wreak all kinds of alterations in your daily lifestyle. The job, the house, the marriage, the phone—anything can be on the block when you submit to changing from within. There is nothing wrong with that (some are weightier decisions than others). The question becomes: how do you want to be changed rather than how do you want your life to change? That is the path of character.

Humor me and pretend that you agree with me so far. Can you feel your consciousness unflattening? Change is good (the Bible calls it transformation). If we change the way we look at the world, our world will change (it will become rounder). That is called openness.

I have noticed this as I deal with growing older: old people love consistency. That is the curse of old age, and it is our greatest temptress. There’s a definite logic to it: we don’t want things to change because we know (deep down) they can only get worse. That is called living in fear.

We are wrong. It is only going to get better. Yeah, I know, there’s this thing called Death. I’ve witnessed enough of them to know this is seldom a smooth passageway. But you have to notice how ill-prepared we are as we approach it. Some of the time our loved ones don’t even tell us it is knocking at the door. We live in denial with their encouragement. But should they keep silent? Is that something we want to hear? I try to imagine what it is like laying there those last few moments—but I can’t do it. Every person has his/her own private moment of consciousness before passing—I suspect it is never the same.

Remember what my mentor Bob Dylan said: Death is not the end. I am not pushing a faith here, even though I have one. The creature returns to the creator—I don’t think of that as faith…it’s just obvious. How much say did you have in getting here? How much will you have in leaving?

Flat consciousnesses lead to comatose deaths. The earth is round—so should we be!

–To see more of Annalisa’s fantastic artwork, go to annalisabarelli.com

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The stages of my life

Photo by Harper Malmgren at the Perot Museum

Because God always takes the long view. Think of how many events in your life seemed “live or die.” I’m being dramatic—I mean just mattered so intensely at that particular time in your life. Oh my, the crises I’ve gone through (real or imagined, internal or external) and how they shook me up—I once felt suicidal because a girl I barely knew didn’t want to go out with me! Cut to the big picture: I call it God’s wisdom, but you don’t have to. From my current vantage point (here and now), all those crises shrivel up and I understand I was being educated. His hand was on me, and I was being steered.

A) Childhood – I believe that God’s primary intention in our childhood is to teach us to enjoy life. We see that all the time—how good it is to share happiness with the children in our lives. There is an unparalleled joy in observing a moment of happiness shared by parent and child. Yes, I’m aware that horrors are running rampant in the lives of many children on our planet—refugees, victims of abuse, the poor—clearly this is an obfuscation of the will of God. God’s intention is to share happiness with every human on the planet. The tragedy is that if you don’t learn to enjoy life as a child, it is going to be more difficult to learn later on…but not impossible.

B) Youth – Ah, certainly the most tempestuous, and maybe the most difficult, of all my stages. This is when the ego kicks in. I am somebody and I have to make a mark on my world (or not). I watched Booksmart the other night—those two girls were definitely in the youth stage! It seems like youth has the highest highs and the lowest lows. I love and respect and frequently roll my eyes at what we call youth—that’s why I was a high school teacher.

C) Marriage and career – Yes, I know, there could be four more stages between B and C, but these are my stages, and youth lasted a long time. This stage is compacted—the two came fairly close together for me. Even if they don’t, each one requires a full-on commitment. All of a sudden, your time is not your own. And you want to succeed in both. Many of us delay one until we get the other—I didn’t go for teacher/writer until I was married and had a kid. Which brings me to…

D) Children – We all know this is the gamechanger. I won’t even go into the imposition on your time—it is lost and will it ever be recovered? But the greater transformation is on your heart. Your whole perspective changes. You can never think about your future and just “I” anymore (you could still sneak that in with your wife). And your heart tells you it doesn’t matter. God teaches us unconditional love by giving us children. How sad that we are even capable of screwing that up!

E) The empty nest – This is a very important stage—how Karen and I accepted, adjusted and settled into our new environment was a test (we passed, thank God!) of our marriage. You have been married all those years, but you are still so different in many ways. Your children, among a trillion other things, are also buffers. Of course, they’re not really gone. Many parents I know continue to have daily contact with their children for the rest of their lives. But the focus of your daily life has to change. There is a tremendous satisfaction in believing they were ready to leave and confront this world on their own. There is also a sobering but also liberating realization that the future you need to concentrate on now is your own.

F) Retirement – It makes sense they are known as the golden years. Again, an apology—I know there are millions of retired and elderly people who are living in discontentive (I made that word up, but it works) circumstances, and I wish that wasn’t so. Truth is, all the old people I know have their own take on what their circumstances are and how contented they should be with them. But if you are lucky (I am), retirement gives you back something you lost after childhood—time. And, it takes a lifetime to learn it, but time is more important than money. I sometimes tell people that these could very well be the happiest years of my life, but I can never explain why.

I go back to my first paragraph: God always takes the long view. I can read over this essay and feel a little bit like I’ve gone through The Lord of the Rings (grandiose, I know). It has been a journey and a quest. Remember that old bromide—stop and smell the roses. Wonderful advice! Pair that with the apostle Paul’s look ahead—now we see dimly but then face to face. Damn, it has been a long, strange, wonderful trip, and I am looking forward to getting there.

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Dealing with the ego

The Iron Throne

I was a huge fan of Game of Thrones. Eight seasons to find out who was going to end up on the Iron Throne—what a concept! If you stopped to reflect, those characters were some of the most egotistical in the history of literature: Joffrey and Cersei and Stannis and, yes, Danerys—all driven by a lust to control the throne. I suspect that is the essence of ego.

“He must increase and I must decrease…” (John 3:30). Think about the enormity of that statement…the antithesis of ego. This is not just John the Baptist proclaiming the messiah. This is every single person who becomes a follower of Christ. To recognize and submit to this proposal is one of the most difficult in the Bible. Essentially, it is a form of suicide. Intentionally nurturing His presence presupposes neglecting your own. You are choosing to make someone else more important than yourself. And not just in a specific situation—no “Practice random acts of kindness”—nope, you are making a lifestyle choice.

My first objection is that this is contrary to our most basic human nature. We grew up on Darwin’s formula: survival of the fittest. I have to take what I want to be mine. Like every other creature, our most elemental instinct is to choose to live. Almost everything that I see in the natural world encourages me to think of myself first. “He must increase and I…” What kind of nonsense is that?

My second objection: What is my ego, anyway? Is it Dallin Malmgren—my appearance, my personality, my memory, my role in life, my dreams (future and nighttime), my family, my social media presence, my bank account—all of this draws power from my ego. If He is increasing, what is becoming of all of that?

Moving to my third objection: Even if I agreed to this outrageous proposition, how do I enact it? Do I put myself on the shelf? Turn over the keys and wait? If I laid in bed and said, “Okay, God, it’s Yours, take over,” what would happen? I’m pretty sure I’d still have to get up and brush my teeth in the morning. And then what? How do I increase Him?

Man, I have just about talked myself out of decreasing…but not quite. John’s friend, the apostle Paul, wrote: “…it is no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20) They merged! Jesus became the guiding force in his life. And what became of Paul? Did he evaporate…shrivel up…disappear? He became one of the most powerful personalities in the history of humankind. Christ’s increasing does not eviscerate you—it transforms you into the person you were meant to be.

So I’m on board with the increasing and the decreasing. Back to my third objection: how do I enact it? Some of it is so basic it is mathematical—do more for others (increasing)…think less about yourself (decreasing). When you come to choices between right and wrong (by His and your assessment), choose right. Pray…you always have to pray. Move forward with extreme patience. You can’t do it on your own. If you concentrate on His increasing, your decreasing will follow along unconsciously.

“He must increase and I must decrease” is not a death sentence, or even a stern command for some sort of ascetic living. It is a promise, an invitation, a formula for abundant living. It is the road to learning how accessible He is. The way to deal with my ego is not to obliterate it…I just need to take it off the throne. The throne doesn’t belong to me.

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I believe in You…not so much in me

(Photo by Karen)

That is the crux of my spiritual conflict. I get it. Jesus died for me. Believing in Him, I have life everlasting. I have been sealed in Him by the gift of His Holy Spirit. He is here with me right this minute. He offers me living water—the bread of life—abundant living. I see the genius of the plan. I am all in. I am a Christian.

Then I look back at myself. Sigh. I’ve been a Christian for 44 years. So many of my weaknesses still seem so present. A lack of self-discipline—a gift for self-absorption—an inclination to keep relationships superficial—a stinginess of spirit—the list goes depressingly on. It is hard to ignore the lack of progress. Such reflections lead to lingering doubt.

The evidence of my family history has not done much to dispel the doubt. Both of my parents passed away as unbelievers. My mother, definitively (she claimed to be a Muslim, but I never saw a shred of evidence), my father a bit more equivocally. His last words on the subject (after reading Mere Christianity, which I had given him): “I’ll become a Christian—all you have to do is convince your mother.” I have one brother and four sisters—all have prospered in life—all are happily retired, relatively healthy, actively engaged in their worlds—none of them are believers. If my life is supposed to be a testament, it certainly hasn’t had much of an effect. We are all getting old; the next world is on the who-can-say-how-distant future. I love my brother and sisters.

My friend (and former student) Taylor Johnson has written a wonderful book called In the Altogether (available at Amazon). It has reminded me of things I definitely believe are true, like…it is as important to acknowledge our weaknesses after we become Christians as it was before…being vulnerable is just admitting who we really are…no man is an island (which I first learned from Simon and Garfunkel’s “I am a rock.”) But the most important thing is that we can approach God exactly as we are—He welcomes it.

So where are we now? Me try harder or You do more? I recognize my own liberal proclivity: I’ve always been drawn more to the God is love than the God is holy side of it. Both are utter truth. Sometimes I wonder if I need to quit doing things or start doing things? Is this a process?

The same as always, I leave it in Your hands—just like I leave my mom and dad and brother and sisters in Your hands. Should I stop believing? Absurd! It would be like going out naked in a snowstorm. If I don’t have You, I don’t have anything. Paul said: “…if Christ has not risen, we are the most of all men to be pitied…” I stand by that.

The key is perspective…my problem started with the first sentence of the second paragraph. The evidence of my life verifies Your presence. I was wandering aimlessly and You touched me and changed my direction…You taught me to love and be loved. My life became meaningful, and also a wonderful adventure. How can I not believe? Lead on, Lord Jesus.

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My Top Ten Tech Benefits

Photo by Karen (of course)

A cold, rainy day—trapped inside—what do we do? Obviously, we turn to our technology. I read a lot about the many pitfalls of technological dependence, but I don’t know anyone who would give their stuff away, which got me to thinking—what good does it do me? Which, because of the way my mind works, led me to another list.

1) Almost immediate contact with anyone in my family. Bethany is in Toronto and Nathan is in Port Townsend and Zachary is all over the place right here in Dallas. Doesn’t matter. If I have a question or a comment, I can get it to them instantaneously. That applies to my extended family. And my friends. I think you had to have lived before such communication devices existed to realize what an incredible miracle (and blessing) this is.

2) By adjunct, no more long distance. People today don’t even know who Ma Bell is! Long ago, my middle son lived in Berlin for seven years. He came home once for two weeks at Christmas, but he had a girlfriend in Germany. When I got my phone bill in January, it was close to $1000. I protested vigorously, explaining that my son had gone insane ; ). No dice.

3) News and information. Believe it or not, I can remember driving to the library to find something out. And way more often than that, just not knowing whatever I was wondering about. Now I can find out just about anything that crosses my mind while I’m sitting in this chair. Another miracle.

4) Entertainment options. We used to have three major networks and, in metropolitan areas, a local station or two. Now we have almost unlimited options. And with skill you can completely avoid the commercials! Movies? The at-home experience is in many ways (comfort, convenience, selection) superior to the moviehouse experience. I’m surprised theaters haven’t gone out of business. They will.

5) Again by adjunct, music streaming services. We can listen to just about anything, from way back in our past to what came out today. At my most musically zealous age, I probably didn’t buy more than two albums a month (not counting garage sales, thrift stores and flea markets). For the same cost, I can listen to everything. And no storage hassles.

6) The GPS. I add this one for my wife (although, in fairness, I use it all the time too). She was not gifted with a sharp sense of direction. But she can where she wants when she wants—and we no longer have to pull over and ask some stranger for directions (geez, I used to hate that!).

7) Alexa and Siri. Why do I feel guilty about admitting this one? I guess because both gals make me feel so lazy! I no longer set an alarm, or reach for a dictionary, or listen to a weather forecast, or look up a score or statistic or schedule, or make a bet without finding out immediately if I’ve won or lost it. They make everything easier.

8) Texting. In the way back when, I used to tell my students that even if I won the lottery, I would never own a cell phone…until I got one. Then I told them, alright, it’s convenient, but I promise you I will never text. Haha…now it’s my preferred method of communication. I’ve never been much of a phone talker—but it is so great to get your question answered or your schedule confirmed or your opinion stated without going through the rigmarole of a conversation.

9) Fantasy sports. I am not a video game player. Never have been, never will be. But this is not a holier-than-thou statement. I have my own brand of time-wasting. I come from a family of sports fans (at least on the male side). Fantasy just ratchets up the level of engagement. I’m not defending it—I’m just saying it’s fun.

10) Facebook. Like everyone, I get ambivalent about this one. But so many people have passed through my life, like former students and colleagues, and friends from Upper Darby, and Ste. Genevieve, and Schertz, and the Bandit, and eventually Frisco—it has been a pleasure to hear a word from them and get a glimpse into their lives as they go on—even if it’s not a very in-depth view.

11) Yeah, I added one: $. It might not seem like it, with the cost of cell phones and laptops and notebooks and all the paraphernalia and all the services that go with them. But take another look at my list…if time is money and money is money, you are getting a boatload for what you pay.

Addition: Before Karen even read it, she asked me where I put Photos on my list—and I forgot them! (I think that over 50% of her technological involvement has to do with photos.) And I have to admit, photography has been completely transformed by technology, and in a people accessible way that is good for us all. So that’s #12.

Although I too rail about the dehumanizing effect and sense of isolation and glorification of violence and preoccupation with self that our technological toys can engender, my list makes me realize they can be pretty wonderful too. I suppose it is up to us to be wise in how we use them.

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Don’t blame _______

This one goes out to Democrats and Republicans and especially our President, who always seems to find someone else responsible for his discontent. I don’t think he started it, but the blame game seems to be reaching epidemic levels. I’m detecting a human dynamic (meaning, I don’t see it some of the time, I see it most of the time)…if I am upset, someone is to blame. It is so hard to be noble when you are ticked off. Dictionary.com says to blame is to hold accountable for, and disapprove because of, some error, mistake, omission, neglect or the like. But most of the time when you are down or mad or off course, you know it is more on you than the person that you want to blame, so it’s even harder to feel a righteous indignation (unless you are lying to yourself).

This is my thesis: blame is wrong…this is not to say that people do not wrong you—it happens all the time. You can be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, victimized, and countless other transgressions. But blame is like the infection that keeps the wound from healing. Blame festers. There is no room for it in your spirit. If you harbor blame in your heart, you’re opening the door to a sour world view. If someone (anyone—stranger, friend, spouse, child) offends you, you have to make a decision on your response. You have to become the captain of your ship, and you have to remember that God is the sky and the wind and the sea—everyone else is floating just like you are.

I realize this seems to dismiss horrific events—child abuse, loss of a loved one, natural disaster, human cruelty, war…the list is endless. In no way. No matter how intense the suffering, grace is always available. That is the promise. There are multitudes of people who will acknowledge God became more available to them in their darkest hours. We want to equate God with the evil (“Why did you let this happen?”)…equate Him with the healing.

If you could make a contract with yourself (and keep it) to not ever blame another person for what you are feeling, you would be a healthier and happier person. That’s not an easy task. What he/she did made you feel the way you do—yours is a natural response. What works is transcendence. Nuts and bolts, life with God. “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Forgiveness makes the difference between hardening your heart and simply moving on. If you are asking God to forgive someone, you are way ahead in the blame game.

The closer you get to home, the more subtle and pervasive the temptation to blame gets. Eric Berne, a psychologist back in the ‘70’s, wrote a bestseller called Game People Play—one of the chapters was called “Look What You Made Me Do.” One of my variations is the Mood Blame (“Look how you made me feel”)—if I am in a dark mood, it is never my fault. There is always someone, most often some near to me (usually poor Karen), who has caused me to feel that way. What a bunch of crap. Karen did not react or understand or choose or treat me the way I wanted her to. Who does? How often do I? Your peace of mind dependent on someone else’s behavior is a wrong turn off Contentment Parkway. And there is only one way back—love.

How does this translate into daily existence (where it really matters)? Just start out by taking responsibility for yourself—not just your subsistence and livelihood, but for your mood and your attitude and your general demeanor. Most of all, be responsible for your impact on this world. If I don’t know anything else, I know we are supposed to have a positive impact on the people around us. So if you are focused on having a positive impact, it is going to be harder to find someone to blame unless you are a martyr—don’t be.

I have to take responsibility for my state of being. I am who I am. Then I have to abdicate and pray for transformation. That starts with the realization—I can never blame anyone else for the way I am. God is in control of my life so every event can be assimilated by God to improve the person that I am. I can only take it to Him—and leave it with Him. And go back to loving.

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What I Endorse (the artistic version)

The Muses

One the one hand, this is totally subjective. I am writing to myself. On the other hand, almost everything I have found enthralling, especially in the realm of the arts, came to me through someone’s recommendation. So what I endorse becomes what I recommend—I would love to share the pleasure and insight and inspiration that these artists and works of art and art forms have brought into my life.

1) The Avett Brothers – definition of muse: a source of inspiration. They’ve been doing it for fifteen years (my time, not theirs). The tune always catches me first, but then the words elevate the tune. I almost always listen to them alone. They are becoming more spiritual now, which is reaffirming to me.

2) Tim Duncan – athletes are artists, and Tim Duncan is the consummate. It goes so way beyond success. Such dignity and humility! He proves that art involves depth more than flair.

3) The Graduate – my favorite movie—I don’t mean because it was entertaining, but because it was brilliant (also incredibly entertaining). It shifted my perspective on where I was going in life, and then it shifted it again. And, ah, Elaine… (It is on Netflix or Prime right now—watch it!)

4) To Kill a Mockingbird – I taught it for six years and never got tired. One of the most beautiful moments a teacher gets is when you suddenly have a revelation about what you’re supposedly teaching. Every English teacher has heard countless discussions of the Great American Novel (or has it been written yet?). I stopped looking when I got here, although my mind is still open.

5) A great TV series – one that grabs your heart and your mind…that you wait for week by week…or if you got there late, you stay up extra hours because you have to find out what happens next…where the series finale is almost like a break-up. Lonesome Dove and Mad Men and Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones come to mind, but there are countless others. Any recommendations?

6) Female authors – I confess that I never used to read them (except Agatha Christie—I’ve read her since adolescence). Then I joined a book group around 20 years ago, and it was usually me and about five or six women, and we took turns picking books, and I discovered the brilliance. Louise Erdrich and Joanne Harris and Anne Proulx and Carol Shields and Anne Lamott and … (And, of course, Harper Lee).

7) Spotify – (or Pandora or iTunes or whatever—this is not a commercial endorsement) – It is miraculous that I can type in the name of a song or an album or an artist, and the music pops up, and I can listen to whatever I select. From any era I choose. For just $16/month ( and I have five relatives on my account)! This is on my Top Ten Benefits of Technology list.

8) E-books – I’ve not been won over yet. Give me a comfortable reading place and I will take a hard copy. But they really open up the opportunity to read in bed, which is something I’ve always enjoyed. And if money’s not an issue (I’ve always been a library person), you have access to every book on the planet.

9) Art museums – I have a sister who is a docent and several others that could be. I’m not even close. I take my museums as subjective experiences. I walk into a room and see what I like. Karen and I sometimes play a game: “If we could take home one item, which would we choose?” Then we share our answers. I have fun in art museums.

10) Theater – I swear I am not showing off. These last two entries sound like a cultured person, and I am not that. I like sports and TV. But I’ve been lucky enough to see the big-time (it doesn’t have to be NY): Hamilton and others. I’ve sampled local theater: Bright Star (by Steve Martin and Edie Brickell) in Dallas. What I see in theater is talent and effort—they are really trying up there! I had several kids in my Creative Writing class one year, also in theater, and they won the State Championship in One Act Play. Watching them was as cool as watching Hamilton.

11) Adele – this might be my most ridiculous choice. I hardly ever listen to her. Reason: her songs have a powerful way of getting stuck in my head—and I don’t like songs stuck in my head. But she has the clearest, smoothest, truest voice I can think of.

12) Peace Like a River – my favorite Christian novel (that is such a disservice—it is about a man who is a christian). And also about a real family—and how that is supposed to work—and, of course, about God and man.

13) Leonard Cohen – My former students know about Bob Dylan—I discovered him early. Leonard I have had to grow into. My conclusion: two equal poets and observers of the human condition.

14) Sculpture gardens – two in New Orleans. We go there on walks, my brother and Gert, me and Karen. I love it there. It’s like man and God have gotten together to display their skills, and they are riffing with each other. I’ve always wanted to back by myself and pray, but I never do.

15) Brian Doyle – my favorite author. If you like fiction, read Mink River. If you like true spirituality, read The Book of Uncommon Prayer. If you like both, keep reading.

Another fun one to write. Art lifts us up. It’s good to keep rising.

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Teach me to listen…

Photo by ?

This has been my personal struggle…I have never been a very good listener. I get lost in my mind—not a positive trait. My students sometimes had to yell or poke me if I was engaged in something else. I can only talk with my own children, my family and a few friends on the phone, and I sometimes trail off with them. My wife just shakes her head in dismay. But I am not running myself down. God is working with me on this. I’m not doomed to be a bad listener. In fact, I think I’m getting better.

Because I get it. Listening is even more important than speaking. Speaking (frequently) comes from the ego, and listening (almost always) comes from love. Loving your neighbor involves way more listening than speaking. Don’t get me wrong, it involves both, but listening will open doors more quickly than speaking. Becoming a good listener is a gift.

What are the barriers to good listening? My obvious answer is self-absorption. I worked in a hospital supply storeroom once—the secretary of our department could turn any conversation topic into something about herself faster than anyone I’ve ever known. I tested her once by bringing up some random fact about Mars. It took her 27 seconds to get to the fact that her favorite candy bar was a Milky Way. If it is always about you, how will you ever learn about them? What I think is more important than anything you say. The other side of that coin is: I don’t have time for this. There is a line to be drawn here, and it is a tricky one. When is it okay to stop listening?

A curious incident happened the other day. I had to deliver some laundry to my father-in-law in a nursing home. As I walked down a hallway, a woman sitting in a dining area motioned vigorously for me to come over. I didn’t know her. I approached cautiously. She began speaking quickly in a language I didn’t recognize, maybe one of those Baltic ones. She went on like this for two minutes. Good eye contact but no recognition. There was a woman sitting with her. I looked at her—her smile was bemused. Pointing to the laundry bag I was holding, I shrugged my shoulders, and said, “I gotta take this to my father-in-law,” and headed for the hallway. So here is my moral/ethical question: Was I supposed to do more?

It occurs to me that had I been able to translate what the poor woman was saying to me, it could have led to a wonderful interaction, a meaningful connection. That is the glorious benefit of effective listening. Most of the time you don’t even have to offer any advice. People will spill their guts if they know you’re listening non-judgmentally, and that simple act makes them feel better. You become an agent of healing. I’m no expert, but I have learned that the best way to improve our listening skills is to pay attention and ask questions.

Perhaps that applies to the greatest listening challenge that we all face—listening to God. He is no conventional speaker. In my relationship, I do almost all the talking, and that is not how I want it to be. I suspect that before you can master the art of listening to God, you have to become comfortable with silence. And you have to be willing to hear what He has to say. He is God, after all, and you are you.

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Improving Our Planet

The other night we were hanging out with our granddaughters, preparing dinner. Kallie was out of town and Zack had to work late. Can’t remember how it came up, but I asked Harper what she would say if an angel of God appeared to her and said she could remove one thing from the planet, just name it and it would disappear, no repercussions, gone forever.

Elliotte immediately piped up “Pop Pop!” (The girl has a playful streak.) That evoked hysterics (even my wife laughed!). I told Harper I was hoping for a more considered response from her.

She thought it over (I love to watch that girl think). She finally nodded her head and said “Trash.” “Why did you choose that?” I asked. “It’s just piling up everywhere and ruining everything,” she explained. “Even our oceans are full of trash.” We applauded her choice.

Ellie chose to eliminate our elimination processes. “No more #1 pee or #2 poo or #3 diarrhea.” She thought about it some more. “And no more #4 barfing and #5 tooting.” She ended up adding two more, sneezing and burping. Then she tried to change the numerical order, but we told her that #1 would always be #1 and #2 would always be #2. “You can’t raise your hand in class and tell the teacher you have to go #1 and then toot,” I told her.

Karen’s choice was guns. Harper thought that was an excellent choice, and I did too. (Think of it—in one instant every single firearm on the entire planet would disappear—what would the world do next?) I can’t stop myself from thinking we would just re-invent them in a different way.

I asked Mason what her choice would be. She said, “Pop Pop” immediately because she knew that would get a laugh. Then she said something unintelligible. I don’t think she got the concept but she appreciated being invited into the conversation.

It was my turn. “I’m not sure you guys will like this,” I said, “but I would tell the angel of God dessert.” Their eyes got wide—they were horrified. “Why would you say that?” Harper demanded. I looked over at their mostly uneaten plates of cucumbers, broccoli and cheese quesadillas. “Let me ask you a question—why do you think your mom and dad give you a dessert.” They had to consider that one. Harper got it first (Love to watch that girl think–honestly, her brow even furrows a little). “So that we’ll eat our dinner,” she admitted.

I have figured out what I love most about being around very young people. They are who they are—you get what you see. God is trying to get me to be more like that.

What would you tell the angel of God?

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The Greening of Our Minds

Photo by me

This is a useful subject—one that needs to be promoted. The context is for me, of course, retirement; but the concept should be addressed whatever stage of life you are going through. Your mind is only a part of you. (Definition of you: your mind, body, feelings, will, soul and spirit.) Think of it like this: your mind is a garden and you are the gardener. You have the responsibility of nurturing it. Does your garden have a plan, or do you just process whatever flows through it?

I’m aware that age plays a factor in the priority we give this project (cultivating you mind as a garden—I’m not going to repeat that). My body is wearing down—there’s no denying that. I can and will resist, but it’s happening. Not my mind though—yeah, I forget things and get a little spacey, but my thoughts range far and wide. I have as much control of my mind as ever (never had much—hope to improve that). This is the exciting part: I am more capable to manage this garden then I ever was back then.

There are certain elements, kind of like nutrients, you can apply to your garden to get it in shape. The sun and the rain come from above, but you’re the farmer. This is not a regimen—think of it as different ingredients you add to improve the soil.

Breathe – Yes, a recurring theme of mine. This is our most elemental connection to our minds. If you tell yourself you are breathing in and out, you become very focused. It has a positive effect on all those other parts of you I listed above. Think about breathing—it calms the ripples. It centers you and makes the roots grow deeper. It gives you a perspective to your troubles. It brought you in and it will take you out.

Pray or Meditate or Whatever – (don’t want to make it religious—don’t want to limit my audience). It is turning away from self but still remaining conscious without dictating what happens. However you practice it acknowledges a spiritual plane that goes deeper than our everyday reality. We are not meant to have an unshifting everyday reality.

Exercise – If life is a journey, then we are on a path. The first rule of walking is you have to move. The law of the path is don’t stop. We are responsible to keep moving. I hope that even in my wheelchair I will stretch and flex and keep the parts in motion. Exercise enlivens.

Be healthful – This one tends to be my nemesis. My problem is that I have a weakness for certain unhealthful things—hot dogs, M & M dark chocolate peanuts, and old-fashioneds come to mind (along with others). My body is a temple, if a rather worn one. I attempt to draw the line between being a Pharisee and a libertine, trying to ride that wave called moderation.

Acquire a spiritual discipline – Obvious ones are yoga or tai chi or hang-gliding. Mine is golf. There is no rule that your spiritual discipline cannot be fun. You only have to engage your mind and your spirit along with your body. Your spiritual discipline can be a regular dose of fertilizer in your garden.

Look out – the most important one. If your eyes don’t go beyond your own little plot, you’ve missed the point. The number one garden pest is self-absorption. As your garden shapes up, there’s a tendency to show it off. There’s only one treatment for this pest: you have to know that everyone’s garden (no matter the state of disrepair) is as important as yours. You have to help them with theirs.

We retired ones have the greatest advantage in the challenge of cultivating our minds. If you become aware of the garden, you have the time to devote to it. Your mind doesn’t define you, but man, it claims a large chunk. Those other compadres—like heart and soul and will—have to fight for space. It’s easier to make room if your mind is in order.

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