Dallin Malmgren's Blog, page 26

My Bucket List

Photo by Dallin

Lots of people have bucket lists. Some are quite obsessive about checking the items off. My approach is more casual. This bucket list is probably about ten years old. I used to do a Bucket List assignment in my Advanced Creative Writing class, so, of course, I had to do mine. I came across it recently. I thought it would be interesting to see how I’ve been doing. Not sure how much it will interest my reader, except that it might inspire you to get out yours and see how you’re doing. Even better, it might inspire you to make one. By the way, the comments are my update on how I’m doing.

Dallin Malmgren’s Bucket List (circa 2009)

–I want to walk the Augusta National golf course. Nope. Not going to happen, at least not this year.

–I want to swim in the Aegean Sea. Damn! We had a cruise of the Greek islands scheduled for October.

–I want to be struck by lightning on the golf course (death). Still how I would most like to die.

–I want to publish three more books. Well, I did self-publish them on the internet.

--I want to save someone’s life. I think I did, once…but that was long ago.

–I want to stay up on a windsurfboard for two full minutes. Tried it once…lasted maybe 45 seconds, hardly moving!

–I want to play golf in Scotland. This could happen. My brother-in-law loves golf, and the two sisters would love to go to Scotland!

--I want to eat pig that has been cooked on a spit. Nope. I would really like to do this one.

–I want to go to the U.S. Open tennis tournament. Had a chance and didn’t take it.

–I want to attend all my nieces’ and nephews’ weddings. All good so far.

--I want to go to Hawaii with Karen. Yes! We did a little over a year ago!

–I want to teach tennis to a grandchild. My son is such a better teacher than I am.

--I want to cook a gourmet meal. I say I’ve done that—depends on your definition of gourmet.

–I want to dance uninhibitedly. Sigh. I so wish!

–I want to have a retirement party. Ours was at the Pour Haus in New Braunfels—absolute blast!

–I want to ride a bicycle 100 miles in two days. Not going to happen.

--I want to have a Clemens tennis reunion. Too long ago, too far scattered. Should have done it when I was still teaching.

–I want to buy my wife an expensive piece of jewelry. Honestly, she doesn’t want one.

–I want to backpack somewhere rugged. Again, too old.

–I want to shoot my age in golf. If I can stay healthy, I think this is a possibility.

–I want to win a tennis tournament. Did once, long ago.

–I want to give a eulogy (not my family!). Don’t really want to do that anymore.

–I want to go to Australia. Some day.

–I want to take a cruise. Alaska! It was pretty, but I discovered I am not a cruise person.

–I want to see Mt. Rushmore. Still haven’t. Still want to.

–I want to live a week in a strange city. Can’t decide which city.

–I want to talk with an expert bartender. I’ve got my own rotation—don’t see the need as much.

–I want to see all three of my children have successful careers. And they’ve done it, bless them!

–I want to reach my magic number. Can’t remember what a magic number is!

–I want to grow the entire meal that I eat. Haha! Boy was I dreaming on that one!

–I’d like to live alone on a mountaintop for a week. Doesn’t seem likely, does it?

–I want to walk the Oregon trail. Do hikes in Bend count?

–I want to see Bruce Springsteen in concert. Probably won’t, but he really is the best performer I’ve ever seen (on video).

–I want to catch a shark. Don’t care about that one anymore.

–I want to shoot a skeet. I tried, but I don’t think I hit any.

–I want to, I need to, I have to make a hole in one. Not yet, but I feel like I have God’s promise on that one.

–I want to eat every burger on the Texas Monthly list. I think I tried 4 and then lost the list.

–I want to have a blog that gets lots of hits. Got the blog—the lots of hits seems egotistical to me now.

–I want to collaborate on a song. Me and Alyssa Leland wrote a country music song, Who’s gonna mow your lawn when I’m gone?

–I want to study William Faulkner. Nope. I bogged down on The Sound and the Fury.

–I want to read The History of Civilization. Now I’ll settle for one volume.

–I want to see Stonehenge. Saw a fake one outside of Kerrville—that’s good enough.

–I want to see where they filmed The Lord of the Rings. (Helm’s Deep?) Maybe when I go to Australia.

–I want to learn to abide in Jesus. Still learning.

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Love in the Time of Corona

To my former students (and anyone interested): Do you remember the questionnaires, surveys, quizzes, etc. we used to take in Creative Writing as learning activities (amusements, if you prefer)? My contribution to the quarantine is resurrecting/updating one as a possible individual or group activity. Only rules are the answers need to come from your heads, not the internet. Take a crack at The Love Test (answer key is provided).

The Love Test

1. What U.S. locale is the honeymoon capital of the world? (2 pts. b/c I will accept 2 answers)

2. What weapon does Cupid carry? (1 pt.)

3. What is “agape”? (1 pt)

4. Specifically, how do Romeo & Juliet die? (2 pt)

5. What was the name of the two lovers in Titanic? (2 pt – 2 bonus for last names)

6. Who does Miss Piggy love? (1 pt)

7. Name a famous couple that broke up in the past year. (1 pt)

8. Name a movie title of a couple in love. (_______ & _______) (1 pt)

9. What wedding anniversary do the following represent: A) paper B) silver C) gold D) diamond (4 pts)

10. Name a couple who got married in 2020. (1 pt)

11. Name a TV show where someone was in love with his/her bestfriend’s boyfriend/girlfriend. (1 pt)

12. What does Love mean in tennis? (1 pt)

13. Name a song with “Love” in the title. (1 pt)

14. What flower is traditionally associated with love? (1 pt)

15. Name a famous couple that got together within the last year. (1 pt)

16. Finish this famous quote: “Love means never having to say _________ ______.” (2 pt)

17. What is a May/December romance? (1 pt)

18. Name the only president who was a bachelor. (1 pt)

19. What couple (still living) has been together the longest in your extended family? (1 pt)

20. What is a symbol for love? (1 pt)

21. Why is the former lead singer of Hole on this quiz? (1 pt)

22. Who is the goddess of love? (2 pts—Greek and Roman)

23. Name a presidential couple. (first & last name) (1 pt)

24. What is the date of Valentine’s Day? (1 pt)

25. Someone you know who has been married over 40 years. (1 pt)

26. Say “I love you” in a foreign language. (1 pt)

27. What is a food that makes you feel sexy called? (1 pt)

28. What is your parents’ anniversary. (1 pt–bonus pt. for year)

29. What is your favorite romantic comedy? (1 pt)

30. Famous couples: (you complete these) (5 possible pts)

a. Lois &

b. Homer &

c. Chandler &

d. Angelina &

e. Harry & (spelling counts)

When you have completed the test, email me (dallin.malmgren@gmail.com) and I will send you the answer key. Be generous with yourselves.

Feel free to share with whomever you think will enjoy.

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Loving God (the first part of the sum of the commandments)

artwork by Annalisa Barelli

It is stated clearly in Matthew 22:37…love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…and love your neighbor as yourself. I’m using the Bible, but I want to take the broader perspective. If we recognize we have a Creator (no one has exactly the same perspective on that), and we are searching…interested…responsive…I propose that we are called upon to have an individual, one on one relationship with our Creator. The basis of my essay is that He already loves us and we can love Him back. I’m writing from my Christian perspective. I know that God completely transcends gender and even religion, but I will use my familiar terms, like Him and Father. You can use whatever terms you are comfortable with (or He teaches you).

We put all of our emphasis on the second part of the commandment because we are unsure about how or if we are doing the first part. What do we do when we love God? I have the scriptural response: “If you love me, keep my commands.” (John 14:15) I don’t disagree, but that gets us looking back at ourselves. One of the best ways of loving God is paying attention to Him in the moment. If you love God in the moment, you will keep His commands—not because you should, but because you want to.

Paying attention in the moment…what does that mean? It means being aware of God’s presence right where you are standing. It is the most fun part of the relationship. When the putt goes in or lips out. When you understand coincidence just might not be. When you realize that things generally turn out better than you deserve. When you breathe and become aware it is a gift. Paying attention in the moment can be sensory, but it goes deeper than that. It is triggered by wanting to be closer to God.

God’s easiest path to loving Him is nature. Not everybody gives Him credit, but most all of us love and admire His creation. His original draft was so pristine! Most of the blights that cover the planet at this time are attributable to humankind. His wonders are ever unfolding, always popping up with originality and freshness. It gets even better. Loving God in nature doesn’t mean just enjoying His creation like some piece of art in a museum—it means stepping into His creation (there goes that paying attention thing again). It means climbing up mountains and skiing down them…taking walks…watching the sunset…listening…going outdoors and enjoying it. I saw two male mallards fighting over a girl today, partly on land, partly in water—I didn’t get all He was trying to teach me, but He got my attention.

The most obvious pathway to loving God is prayer. I know there are other mental pathways. Here’s what I like about prayer: I’m not just talking to myself, and I can say what I think or feel without fear: He already knows! Not that I do that—but I am learning. He has showed me that He wants me to be me. I always tried to think of what I should say—like I could impress God. When I first converted (45 years ago), we did a lot of group prayer. I would sit in the circle and fervently compose my prayer, throwing in an occasional “amen” or “yes, Lord” so that people would think I was present. Now I have a sort of running dialogue with Him—of course, I do most of the talking, but He has infinite mysterious ways of getting His point across. I used to think of prayer as a spiritual discipline– I’m just starting to understand Paul’s instruction: …pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

It’s hard for me to communicate the joy, the thrill that loving God brings into my life. On one level, it feels like an adolescent gushing about a first crush. But it has been 45 years. In retrospect, it is easy to see how faithful, how trustworthy, how gentle, how loving He has been through every stage of my life. On the other hand, just being honest, it’s apparent how inconstant, how double-minded, how unpredictable I have been in my affections toward Him. And yet, here we are together. I love Him so much. When paying attention, it is impossible not to.

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Zooming with the Texas Malmgrens

Photo by Facebook?

It was such a pleasant evening…hanging out with my wife and my three kids and their spouses, having drinks. I had a cab and Karen a blush…Beth was having white wine…Nate and Annalisa went with margaritas…Zack and Kallie, Texas Whiskey. We talked about everything: our circumstances, our families, good entertainment, politics (Malmgrens always talk politics), how we’re really handling it. Dylan and Zack and I compared coronabeards. Dylan played a song. Every single person came away from that experienced comforted. We talked for almost three hours!

I know I am behind the curve on this one, but I suspect there are others even further behind. Nathan set it up for us (every family has a Nathan, I hope). Teleconferencing, duh? Only take the conferencing out of it. In these so difficult times each of us is going through, we can get the gift of present family. Together! Never has there been such a time when we all needed our family! I know there are dysfunctional families…never has there been such a time to work it out. We have the means to draw nearer in a time of uncertainty.

Nathan used Zoom. I know there are a multitude of other technological ways to do this. The wonderful thing is that you are together—you can see each other and hear each other (granted, doesn’t compare to real life). I already have plans for a cocktail hour with my beloved Spurs Group buddies.

Do you realize how useful this is? Our pastor Cheryl prayed today “Lord, do not let social distancing draw us apart, but rather find a way to use it to bring us together.” We have the tools to draw nearer to our families. I’ve had more contact with my brother and four sisters in the past week than I have in the past six months. (Another connection my sister Diana introduced: my side of the family (the five above and all of our progeny) are connected on an app called WhatsApp—we can use Facebook to send our in-family reflections (of every kind) to all of us—no one else sees us. I started yesterday and I like it very much already.

I believe we are supposed to draw strength from our family. We are to draw from the love that we find there and we are to spread it outward. Our friends, our co-workers, our acquaintances, whoever life puts in our path…has there ever been a more important time to look beyond our own needs?

It is going to get tougher out there. At our gathering, we talked about what positives we could see in this current crisis. This is what I told my children: Somehow in the last five or so years (or longer than that), we as a nation got pointed in the wrong direction. We began to change our values…the love of money is okay…you get what you deserve…some people are better than others…my opinion is more important than yours. And we began rolling down that road. As one soul on the planet, I prayed: How do we change this, Lord? How can we turn?

Don’t misunderstand, God had nothing to do with giving us the virus…we could do that on our own. God takes what we do and turns it toward our good–I don’t know how—it’s a miracle! I hope and pray that God uses this virus to open our hearts—to give ourselves to one another—I pray that the Spirit of the Lord is sweeping over the land… (okay, I might not have said all that). I believe there is unlimited good that can come from this. We have to look for that good.

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Going out the door…

Photo by Karen

We are all going through it, more or less ( more, I pray). We’ve all got the same instructions. The heroes are the ones who have to go out there—answering the call of duty. They go out because they put the needs of others above their own well-being. We have to pray for them. The villains are the ones who go out there because they want to. They either refuse to believe it, or are so driven by their own desires, or, horror of horrors, figure they won’t get more than sick and who cares if others could die? We need to pray for them too.

The rest of us face the Front Door (or Back Door or Garage Door Opener) choice. We are supposed to stay inside. I know it is easier for me—I am retired…I don’t have the stress—but I still have to stay inside. I am also older and more vulnerable to the virus, so I have more motivation, I suppose. The Apostle Paul’s words stir me: “…for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances..” (Philippians 4:11) I’ve been told he was in jail when he wrote that. So maybe we are supposed to be learning to be content? Paul’s message is consistent: in hard times we are to persevere and have faith. These are hard times. It is easier for me to stick with this program when I realize there is spiritual growth in it.

So the question becomes: When do we go out the door? Karen and I and Bethany (by phone) were discussing it last night. Their proposal: you are loving your neighbor by staying inside. You should try to stay inside. There is so much truth to that. Obviously, you are going to have to make a limited amount of trips out there. What constitutes a moral choice? I’d say the first thing is distinguishing between a need and a want. If you are looking for rationalizations to go outside, there are tons of them available. Going out the door is a choice, not a given.

Let me give you the example of our lives (this is not to be self-centered, this is to compare our perceptions to yours): I’m not preaching or bragging, I’m just exploring the conflict. Our trips out the door: On Sunday, we went to Zack and Kallie’s for dinner. This was a tough choice—the kids have been in school, both parents are busy people. They are way more exposed to “the world” than we are. Except it wasn’t a tough choice. We won’t hug the kids, we will wash our hands, we want to be with them. On Monday, we had two electricians in, upgrading our system; I made a quick run to Kroger’s (not good since we had stopped there the previous evening). Went to the post office and CVS—but used the drive thru for both. Karen worked in the yard. We also went for a walk. On Tuesday, I went to Kroger’s in the morning (no qualms), and in the afternoon I played a glorious round of golf on a practically empty golf course. Karen worked in the garden. Today, we just took a walk.

Is that normal? Are we over or are we under? I know we don’t have the pressing demands that so many people have. I’m anxious to know what kind of choices others have had to make? . This is what I’m starting to understand about Corona—we don’t just a set a policy. We have to make decisions day by day.

One more thing that I’m just starting to see, and this is a real positive. Is it just my cock-eyed optimism, or are people starting to care more about each other? It’s not the economy that needs a boost, it’s our national character—there’s no politics in that. People caring for each other, watching out for each other…you see it at tornadoes and floods—now we are starting to see it on the national (maybe international?) level.

I can’t pretend that what we do is more important than what the government does. There are so many health issues, economic issues, education issues that are out of our control. But I don’t want to get political—vote and encourage others to.

So Karen and I are sticking with the program. We are going to continue to self-isolate (together, of course). We are going to be very aware when we go out the door—and of who comes in the door. We are not going to go crazy about it (she agrees I can still play golf if I wear two gloves and ride in the cart alone). I think America can handle this—but that’s not where I’m putting my faith.

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COVID-19: is there a positive side?

Photo by Dallin

Please do not think I am making light of tragedy—this is a human catastrophe. Our world is suffering. If I know my Bible, this is not an uncommon historical occurrence. It is how we respond as a nation that determines the direction this country is going in. So how do we turn the corona virus into a positive?

1) A call to faith: I put this first because it is most important. You can believe in God way more than you can believe in your president or your doctor or your instinct for self-preservation. Listen to a few promises: God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1) The Lord Himself goes before and will be with you; He will never leave You nor forsake You. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8) No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing He will also provide the way out so you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13) He has us covered. We don’t have to rely on earthly precautions (not that we shouldn’t use them!). This is what practicing faith means: I trust You for this situation, Lord, and for my well-being. I trust You for my loved ones. Show me how to help.

A practical response: My wife used to tell our kids a story about a man who was sitting on his roof, trapped by a flood. A guy in a boat came by, offering to take him to dry land. “No thanks,” he said, “I’m trusting God.” Next came a helicopter, throwing down a rope ladder. Same answer. The man drowned. In heaven, he accosted God. “I put my faith in You, and what good did it do me?” God replied, “I sent you a boat and a helicopter—what else could I do?” Faith does not say “Don’t sweat it”—faith says “Respond.” Like old James said, faith without works is dead.

2) An opportunity to love our neighbor: As I’ve said before, everyone is your neighbor. You might think of your neighbor as the homeless guy on the street corner (he is)—but he/she is also your spouse. Families have to draw together in time of crisis. We have to take care of one another. Then we need to look outward—for opportunities to do good for others. Just expanding the circle of people you check up on is loving your neighbor.

A practical response: One obvious irony in the time of COVID is that a major way of loving your neighbor is to avoid human contact. We have to take seriously our responsibility not to spread the virus. We can still reach out—check up on those we know are alone…pay attention to the Neighborhood Watches on our social media…write a check…share our toilet paper!—but we also have to follow public health guidelines.

3) A chance to unite our world: This is not a national issue—all over the planet, people get this virus. We want them to recover from it, and we want to prevent its spread. WE ALL HAVE THE SAME GOAL—let’s figure it out together. A prognostication: if we can show a degree of cooperation in combatting the virus, think of what that could mean for climate change, human rights, etc.

A practical response: We have to be judicious in what we watch and say and share on social media. We have to bury the political hatchet—this is no time for finger-pointing. Cooperation and the sharing of information have to be our priorities. If you go to worldometers.info, you can track the spread of the virus throughout the world.

4) A time to strengthen the family: If you are taking it seriously, you are staying in close quarters with a select few (your family) most of the time. God has been stressing this to me—the challenge to be a loving person begins at home. You can’t fake love…you have to choose it. I know that our electronic devices open a gateway to the whole world—but let’s not forget human contact. If the corona virus somehow rearranges your life to spend more time with your family, please see that as a benefit.

A practical response: The best thing about electronics is the access it gives us to one another across the planet. I spoke with my sister Diana, who lives in Spain, this morning. They are beginning their second week of mandatory quarantine. I gave her a series to watch—she gave me a book to read. I have a bunch of family in the Seattle area—it is both comforting and scary to read their messages. Karen and I have been trying to self-quarantine, but we chose to go and have dinner with Zack and Kallie and the girls. Family comes first.

5) An invitation to draw nearer to God: Because that is what it is, most of all. Not that He is perverse and has created an awful scenario to bring us to our knees. He is constantly continuously creatively beckoning to us—we just become a little more receptive when we are going through hard times. But what a comfort! If the corona virus opens your heart to God, the response has to be gratitude.

A practical response: Like my pastor says, it’s prayer time, it’s prayer time, it’s prayer time.

The only way the corona virus can be a positive is if we focus on making it a positive. For all the reasons listed above, this is a time that calls for a response. We have to decide we will make the world a better place. In a time of global distress, the opportunities to help others are limitless, whether you are isolated in a room or serving on the front lines. Instead of riding it out, we have to make a difference. Let this time of crisis draw us closer together rather than driving us farther apart

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My back porch

I love springtime. Since my boyhood, it has been my favorite. I like the other ones too, but, ah, springtime! I love it in the air, and in the blossoms, and on my golf course, and on the calendar (yahoo, spring break!), and at my barbecue grill, and in the behavior of the ducks and the geese, and especially in the weather. I love it most of all on my back porch.

My back porch is the perfect intersect for affirming my relationship with my home and with my world. Too much of one and you are a recluse—too much of the other and you are a gadabout. Isn’t loving your indoors and your outdoors kind of a parallel to loving God and loving your neighbor? Somewhere in there exists a parallel—you have to weave them together—that is an artistic life.

On most back porches, your eyes are drawn outward and upward. Your joy meter clicks up a level, no matter how low it was running. When you sit down on a back porch, you have to slow down—most of us need to slow down. Did I mention the ambience? The springtime breeze, just a hint of chill still in it…the incredible flowery scent…the inevitable fascination with watching wild things make their way in this world…the wonderful way that light disappears from dusk til dark..the sight and/or sound of humankind.

Now start to add in our human touches—

The food! It is a natural fact—if I bring food from the outside in (the grill to the kitchen), I am exponentially disposed to view it with more enthusiasm. When you accidentally cook it just right—it is a revelation in haute cuisine. And if you burn it—the family is growing spiritually, brother.

Music! I am often torn between listening to the natural sounds and putting on music. Ah, but when I feel like music, it is wonderful! I have said it before, but being able to find and play almost any tune that comes floating into your head is a technological miracle. My Bluetooth speaker and my Spotify are as essential to my back porch as the grill is.

Phone calls! I am more comfortable…I don’t know if it’s the privacy or the ambience or the potential distractions if my mind starts to drift. I am not a huge enthusiast of talking on the phone—but I am definitely more receptive on the porch.

The company! I like it when my wife joins me on the back porch…it’s kind of a signal to shutting down the day. I’ll fix us a drink, and we’ll visit, and we’ll observe the wonderland, and we’ll relax. We don’t entertain that much, but it is my favorite place to hang out with most anybody. It works for the grown-ups and the kids…I recently bought a small firepit, and the lure of s’mores on the back porch is irresistible to almost anyone.

Finally, prayer! Of course, you can pray anywhere. But for me it is just a little easier to feel His presence when I am out back.

I have only had four significant back porches in my life, the four homes I’ve owned. I’m sure there are others from my childhood, but they are encoded in my memory.

The first is the one where I raised my children (see photo). It is the smallest, drabbest, most unimpressive of them all—but damn, there were so many magical moments out there! It is hallowed ground.

The second back porch was where my children were teenagers. Part of it was screened-in, and part of it was not. Definitely metaphorical—I am certain all my children have more intense and impactful memories of that porch than I do…but I too have mine (I preferred the outside to the screened-in).

The third porch was my retirement porch. It was there I gave my heart to God, because I realized how merciful and gentle and kind He had been with me my entire life. I used to stand on the edge of the porch at night—wonderful tree silhouettes in the moonlight—and look up at His universe and marvel.

The fourth is probably my last back porch—I’m okay with that. I love this one. It is more like Rear Window than Out of Africa, but I loved both movies. And I do enjoy watching the golfers go by.

Have I communicated my love affair? I see it as a portal—like everything else about us, we can improve our states of consciousness. No one has to be stuck in a mood. The back porch is a spiritual place. I find it is easy to get centered—to see the big picture—to connect with the One who is everywhere all the time. Getting centered will always lead to looking outward. And then you take the food off the grill and bring it inside for others to enjoy.

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DM’s greatest hits — vol. II

All of the following are quotes from previous blog posts:

Photo by Karen

So maybe I have to change the text of the lesson: what I meant to get across in my classroom is that life is meant to be good. That is the intention. Contrast the hurricane and the volcano with the morning dew and the evening sunset, which are far more frequent occurrences. Go for a walk in the woods. Fall in love. Watch a mom and a baby. Play with a kitten. Learn to drive. Lose yourself in a book. Make art. Cook your favorite dinner and top it off with a glass of wine. Really pay attention at Christmas. Life screams out at you that it’s meant to be good. –from A message to my former students…(12/14/2017)

I don’t want to downplay those moments of illumination. Those are the major events in our lives—the plot points. But life is not a synopsis or an obituary. Its vitality is in the present—the here and now. Trapping God in the major moments is as bad as trapping Him in a book, or as bad as visiting Him once a week when you go to church. If you really want to hear Him whisper, you have to let Him decide when. –from That was the Lord (July 7, 2019)

Discord is like the morning frost on the golf course. (They won’t let you play when there’s frost—it kills the grass.) You can’t will it away—you just have to let it melt. But like the sun and the breeze, you can help it along its way. A soft word, a kindness, a touch, an unsolicited gesture…the iciness of discord is nothing to the warmth of reconciliation. –from Discord (marital and otherwise) (July 14, 2019)

…I’ve always felt that when Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand,” he was implying that if we could just raise our awareness, we would recognize beauty and joy and glory right here, right now. Music draws us nearer to that recognition. –from In praise of Jubal (Music makes the world go ‘round) (July 31, 2019)

…I watch these six beings develop and I am in awe. Every quirk, every inclination, every idiosyncrasy—every I am-who-I-am. Karen and I can talk about them for hours. We watch their interactions with their parents—with each other—with us, and we marvel at the newness. If every good gift comes from God, this is one of His specialties. –from Being Pop Pop (the joy of grandfathering) (August 18, 2019)

For the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil. That’s the dividing line. Jesus looks at the heart—and you can never fool Him. It is no longer 10%–it is all His. Does that mean He’s going to send you out on the road, penniless and handing out Bible tracts? (Haha, only if you are a fundamentalist). He meets us where we are—just as He did the rich young man, who asked a rather bold question. He doesn’t want your money—He wants you. –from Money (the spiritual side) (September 8, 2019)

So here’s my question, and the point of this whole meditation…can we change ourselves? Sadly (or not), I don’t think we can. I find that my will is as weak as my faith (but my faith has a better reserve). I cannot will myself to a better character. I can’t find it in me. I have to receive it. It’s called the fruit of the Spirit. –from Ch-ch-changes (September 22, 2019)

I was talking with my wife awhile back. “Do you think we’ll poop in heaven?” Her: “Nope. No poop, no pee, no marriage.” An unreadable smile. Should I be worried? –from The Detritus of Life (September 29, 2019)

…Listening is even more important than speaking. Speaking (frequently) comes from the ego, and listening (almost always) comes from love. Loving your neighbor involves way more listening than speaking. Don’t get me wrong, it involves both, but listening will open doors more quickly than speaking. Becoming a good listener is a gift. –from Teach me to listen… (October 20, 2019)

“He must increase and I must decrease” is not a death sentence, or even a stern command for some sort of ascetic living. It is a promise, an invitation, a formula for abundant living. It is the road to learning how accessible He is. The way to deal with my ego is not to obliterate it…I just need to take it off the throne. The throne doesn’t belong to me. –from Dealing with the ego (November 6, 2019)

This I believe: God enjoys observing my life and is always interested in the choices I make—but He absolutely 100% respects my right to make them. We have to acknowledge that responsibility before we can commit our lives to anything. That is what makes the journey joyful—we are always in the process of learning to submit our choices to Him—not because He is a tyrannical autocrat, but because He knows what is best for us. I want to choose what He wants—but it can get tricky. –from The Joyful Journey (November 24, 2019)

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In praise of family

We buried Aunt Faith yesterday. She was the last living direct relative of Karen and her three sisters. She was a fine lady who affected positively many people’s lives. I didn’t realize how much until I heard two of the nieces eulogize her at the funeral. That got me thinking about family.

In praise of the complexity: there are no two alike. Every single person in the family unit holds his/her own perspective. There are innumerable variables. United in blood but rarely in mood—you literally have to learn how to get along. Many families don’t, or give up trying. There is so much family roadkill out there. But can you think of many feelings sweeter than when you are with your family and happy to be there?

In praise of the fluidity: family should not become stagnant. We are always adding and subtracting—that is the nature of life. Praise God that the adding mostly seems to outweigh the subtracting. Take your own family life: what you have now to what you started with. Like all seeds, we are meant to grow.

In praise of the diversity: it goes farther than family dynamics. No two fathers or mothers or sisters or brothers or aunts or uncles play the same role in a family. We are all characters in a drama. It’s throwing random ingredients into every mix. What of families who end up not liking each other? Did God (who created the family as surely as He created me) get the ingredients wrong? Too weighty for me—we grow where we are planted.

In praise of the finality: you don’t get to choose. You can’t even turn in your brother for a new model. You are stuck with what you got. You can add to it, but the only real way to subtract is death. I used to tell my high school students: Who are you going to care more about in 20 years—your parents or your friends? Who do you care more about now?”

In praise of fate: no size fits all. I have three siblings, whether by chance or choice, who do not have children of their own. They have taught me to expand my definition of family. I know several pets who have been treated better than my own children. And if you love your friend like a brother, then isn’t he a brother? We cannot restrain family by bloodlines.

In praise of the legacy: that’s why they call it a family tree. We are intended to grow. I have a tremendous joy in having a daughter and two sons—a son-in-law and two daughters-in-law—six unbelievable granddaughters! Not egotistically, but reverently, they came from me! How blessed can I possibly be?

In praise of the joy: there is a plan to it. If the incredible experiment works, if you are happy to be who you are and grateful to the people most important in making you you, the bond is unbreakable. The love of our families is what keeps most of us going on a daily basis. When they know they are that important to you, they will love you back fiercely. It’s like a healthy garden—when a family loves, everybody grows.

In praise of the purpose: this is ultimate goal—we are called to love everyone. The family He gives us is the training ground. We have to learn how. Many of us learn, sadly, by bad examples. But family doesn’t end. We are supposed to use those bad examples as a guide to pass on a better example to the new miracle God has given us—our own child. There is an outline here. The human race is supposed to improve. Love your family—and pass it on.

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Global Consciousness (What the world needs now…)

It’s time to wake up. If you think that God cares more about the fate of America than He does the suffering children in Syria (or the children on the border), you have lost touch with your Creator. If you think certain people matter more than others, you have lost touch with your Creator. If the what in your life is more important than the who, you have lost touch with your Creator. If you put yourself first, you have lost touch with your Creator.

I know I just lost part of my audience. Some think America is specially blessed and a light to the world. Some have always thought they were better than others (they hesitate to identify it by race or gender as much as they used to). Some have always valued possessions more than relationships. And some think it is irrational not to think Me First. As far as losing touch with the Creator: who?

Honestly, you second paragraph people can stop reading now—this essay is not for you. I believe there is a new paradigm emerging: I call it global consciousness. Our first loyalty is not America—it is the human race. Our goal is not to live better than others—our goal is to help everyone live better. Our goal is not to create new wealth—our goal is to save the planet. Our goal is not to hold on to what we got (or what we used to have)—our goal is to put people ahead of possessions.

We have several circumstances that are trumpeting the need for global consciousness. The most obvious one is climate change. You must realize that your own efforts (if you make them) to minimize your carbon footprint are negligible (but please don’t stop!). And even if the American collective consciousness were to uplift, we have all those other countries (especially emerging ones) who are just starting to enjoy the creature comforts we are used to, environmental damage be damned. Only global consciousness can turn the tide on climate change.

A more topical example: the coronavirus. (I heard on the radio the sales of Corona beer have dropped 40%–do you realize the ignorance we are dealing with?) If America thinks it can isolate itself from a worldwide pandemic, what rock are we hiding under? Can we prevent international travel? Can American scientists and doctors find a cure without working with the international medical community? I play golf with mostly old white guys. Their main awareness of the coronavirus is focused on the falling stock market. The American economy is not a separate entity. Dealing with worldwide calamities is going to take a united response from all of the countries of the world. That is called global consciousness.

What are we going to do? Vote for Bernie (maybe)? Going back to the new paradigm, we are called upon to switch loyalties. No longer American—humanitarian. No longer what works for me—what works best for us all. No longer my comforts—my grandchildren’s future. No longer what we’ve always done—what might work.

I go back to my old refrain: Love God and love your neighbor. Let’s start with the first part—until you are able to accept the exquisiteness of your personal relationship, start by loving His creation. Be friendly to everyone. Admire and preserve and protect nature as often as you can. Look for every possible opportunity to do good, and do it. Spend time in solitude, and be open to the possibility that you are not alone. Listen, really listen—when someone is talking, when music is playing, when there is silence. Breathe and be thankful.

Love your neighbor. First thing to realize is that everyone is your neighbor. You can’t pick and choose them. God provides the neighbors and you provide the love (actually, He does that too, but that takes longer to realize). Second thing to realize is that it takes practice: that’s why God made families. You can have an I‑love-my-neighbor attitude and be a pud around your own family. Being loving is a consciousness (like the global one) not a contract. Try to maintain it for one day and you will realize how slippery it is. Third precept comes as an epiphany: put some out and it comes roaring back. The Beatles had it wrong—the love you make is not equal to the love you take—the love you make explodes like a bull market on Wall Street. What a wonderful plan!

I try not to sermonize on my blog (do I?), but I am stepping out here. Adopt the global consciousness. You (with God’s help) can save the world.

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