T.L. Gray's Blog, page 48

Inner Child

Inner ChildI had a sweet conversation with my best friend yesterday, and she mentioned that sometimes when people go through some sort of tragedy in their life, they often stay at the emotional age when that tragedy occurred.  I’ve heard something like that before, but I always just brushed the idea to the side, not really identifying with the statement, relating emotional age with the maturity level.  So, the concept never added up for me.  I’ve since been informed that emotional age and emotional maturity are two different things.  Most often kids who’ve been abused are highly mature, highly functional, and highly intelligent, yet often emotionally naïve.  Now, THAT I understand.
In my defensive way, I made a joke out of the statement.  It’s what I do when I hear things that I don’t want to think about or want to deflect. Though I never just right out ignore anything.  When I hear something, I hear it.  I may not respond immediately, but I will respond. I like to think things through, weigh them, measure them, and work them out through my own understanding.  The joke I made was about my emotional age would then have to be about 4-years old.  My friend didn’t laugh.  Instead she says, “I can see that.”
Now, I almost got offended, because in my understanding I took it to mean she thought I was immature.  She elaborated and said to me, “You have a part of you that still believes in fairy tales, slaying dragons, knights in shining armor, superheroes, and happily-ever-afters.”  I wanted to argue with her and immediately thought what she said was idiotic and ridiculous.  I didn’t believe in fairy tales.  I know they’re not real.  I live in the real world, feel the real pain, and face real consequences.  But, I realized my friend was right.  I do still believe in those things.  I still believe in heroes.  They may not wear a cape and hide behind a pair of glasses, but they do exist.  I do still believe in valiant knights, brave men who go out to slay dragons in defense of their love, their country, or their family.  I do believe still in happily-ever-after though I don’t see examples of it every day, nor has it ever been a part of my life, but I know it’s there… I just have to find it.     
I’m so thankful today that inside me there lives an inner child, a little four-year old girl, believing in the fantastical.  More than anything, I hope she continues to cling to those dreams and beliefs and never lets them go. The world needs them. I need them.  I need her.
What is your emotional age?
Till next time,~T.L. Gray

Why So Cynical?

I don’t know if my cynical radar is amplified, but it seems lately it’s picking up a particular signal and I don’t like what it’s playing.  I don’t want to think it’s the people around me, that I’d choose to surround myself with such an attitude, but it seems to be like an infection spreading over the universe.  What disease or situation am I talking about?  Cynicism, especially when it comes to love and romance.
According to Webster – a cynic is:1.   A person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions  and  who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.2.   One of a sect of Greek philosophers, 4thcentury BCE, and who advocated the doctrines that virtue is the only good, that the essence of virtue is self-control, and that surrender to any external influence is beneath human dignity.3.   A person who shows or expresses a bitterly or sneeringly cynical attitude.
Where are the romantics? Surely they don’t just live in novels, because that would truly prove a depressing world in which to live. So, I ask myself WHY?  Why are people so bitter and cynical?  What’s happened to create this atmosphere and social paradigm shift? 
My only guess would be pain, heart-break and disappointment.  But, that is something we all have experienced in one form or the other, or if we haven’t yet, we will.  It’s like a human right-of-passage.  Pain cannot be avoided.  But, allowing that pain to replace hope, romance, or a positive outlook on relationships shouldn’t be accepted. 
I know too many people who are romantic at heart, but refuse to allow even a modicum of romance in their lives.  They’d rather be alone, than risk being hurt or rejected.  They’d rather protect themselves with an armored coat of cynicism than get lost in the idea of romance.
I’ve been hurt.  I’ve been let down.  I’ve been rejected.  I’ve been unloved.  I’ve been disappointed.  I’ve been used.  I’ve been abused.  But, where is MY romance, adoration and the opportunity to be cherished? When do I get a chance to be the girl deemed worthy enough to put it all on the line and risk everything, to give everything, or to trust enough to place the most precious of hopes, dreams and aspirations into her hands?  I seem to always find the damaged men who have given up on love and romance because they have failed in a previous relationship.  You know what?  It failed in my previous relationships too, but I refuse to give up.  Instead, I hope even harder. 
Someone I once loved used to tell me, “I tried that romance stuff before… the poetry, the flowers, all that junk, and all it ever got me was looking like a fool, because the first jerk that came around and treated them like dirt walked away with them.”  Perhaps he was right, because he never used any of that romance stuff on me, in fact, he withheld all romantic and intimate feelings and acts, and I stuck with him for twenty years.  If anyone should be a cynic, it should be me.
I have a friend who says he’s no good when it comes to romance, and believes he will mess up any relationship he has that involves it, and thus has decided to abort all romance from his life.  He hides that part of himself from the friend whom he claims to love and honor most.  He has convinced himself the friendship is better without it; safer, truer, though it was initially built partly by romance.  Perhaps that’s true on his part, but doesn’t he think his friend would want all of him, including the romantic side?  If he keeps that part of himself isolated, he’s cheating them.  He gets all of them, or they are forced to deny a part of who they are and only give half of themselves, and they only receive half of each other. Two halves, in this case, don’t make a whole. His cynicism of romance and the rejection of it is damaging to the relationship. 
The act of NO romance will eventually kill a relationship just as much, if not more, than previous failed romantic endeavors.  I hope cynicism doesn’t destroy this relationship and the cynic is able to keep his friend, even if it’s just as a friend.  Unrequited love hurts more than lost love. With lost love, at least the love was there at one time before it became lost.
I have another friend that doesn’t even try to have a relationship at all, who cuts themselves off from even being in any position to accidentally stumble into a romantic relationship of any kind.  Yet, sometimes I can see a small glimmer in her heart that tells me the harder she pushes the possibility away, the taller and thicker she builds her walls, the stronger I know she really wants it, but too afraid to open herself to it.  She’s convinced herself she doesn’t need love and romance at all.  We all need love, that’s how we were designed… to love and be loved in return.
I hope I can inspire her to heal her cynicism, though I feel I’m a terrible example.  She’s watched me go through my pain, my adventures, my new meetings, new experiences and new hopes, saw my tears, felt my heart-break and listened to my disappointments when I failed, yet again.  She is there with me as I fight through these fears and even with a freshly-wounded heart, watches me as I open it yet again knowing full well it could get crushed, abused or used.  I could very much fail again and fear the solidification of her cynicism. 
I believe with all my soul that as long as I keep my heart open to romance, no matter how much abuse it receives, someday… someday it will receive the love, desire and romance it deserves… that I deserve.  The only thing I know is … if I close my heart and allow this disease of cynicism to consume me… I will never receive it.  The love I have for myself continues to heal me, sustain me, and give me the strength to get up and try again.  I may get my heart broken over and over, but I also… just maybe… maybe find love.  
I choose to remain optimistic.  I wish I could inspire my friends to do the same because I truly want them all to be happy and deliriously in love.  Maybe they are perfectly happy in their cynicism and it’s my romantic notions that don’t understand. If that’s the case, and it could very well be, then I don’t want to understand and become cynical too; I am meant to be romantic.  I could love and accept them as a cynic, and hope they can love and accept me as a crazy romantic in return.  I’m not saying they’re wrong in their methods, I’m just saying their methods are not right for me.  My methods may be the wrong kind, especially in light of my constant failure, but I can’t give up.  I hope they still love me after they read this blog post… they are cynics, after all. 
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Dog River Library Festival '13

One of the joys of being a writer is the opportunity to meet fans and readers face to face at local writing events, festivals, signings and conferences.  It’s a chance to connect to the reader, gauge responses to the work you’ve worked hard to create, see how well our vision translates, and just have a moment to witness the fruit to all our labor. 
Last year I attended over 42 appearances all over the state of Georgia.  I went as far south as Columbus and Milledgeville, east to Lawrenceville in Gwinnett County, north to Marietta and west to Bowdon Junction.  I could be found at festivals, cultural art centers, bookstores and libraries.  I met readers as young as ten and as old at 110, and I loved every moment. This weekend I attended the Dog River Library Festival '13.
My life has since been turned upside down (some for the good, some not so good) and took a little break from appearances.  I also took a little break from the marketing and business side of writing and publication and spent a little time being reminded of my joy and passion for the art of writing.  I learned a few new styles of writing, and dabbled in a few new genres.  I developed a love and appreciation for poetry, short stories and flash fiction, and danced around with the construction and exposition of romance and erotica (two genres I loathed to read).  I spent some time in the company and awe of other talented writers. 
It’s really important for writers to be surrounded by other writers, to learn from, to associate and to relate.  I needed the writers that have come in my life so much I doubt I’ll ever be able to fully express to them how much they have all meant to me. Recently, I’ve reconnected with some of my readers and fans and have made a few appearances as local festivals and appearances.  That’s important too.
But, it’s time to get back to work.  I’m now diving back into my writing and pushing my literary agency to the next level.  Thank you, everyone, to all those who have supported and stuck with me through what has been a very wild and changing season in my life. 
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

NaNoWriMo 2013 - Day 1

Day one is over.  Now it's time for me to get to my 'regular job'.  Here are my counts for this first day into the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) 2013:
I started with the first three chapters already written.  I wrote them several weeks ago, but as always... life got in the way, the brick wall of writer's block slammed into my face and the story was pushed to the side.  I wasn't even sure if I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, knowing the dedication, determination and drive it requires to reach the 50,000 (+) word goal, but with the encouragement of some of my friends, I jumped in.  Mostly because some of my other writer friends wanted to do it and needed the encouragement, and how can I encourage others to do something I can't or won't do myself?  So, here I am.
Start Word Count: 3,794 wordsAdded Word Count: 2,584 wordsTotal Word Count: 6,378 wordsWords left to go: 43,622 wordsDays left: 29 daysDaily Word Goal: 2500/week day - 12,500 words per week
Till next time,~T.L. Gray

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Happy Halloween

Halloween is one of my all-time favorite holidays, especially when my kids were little and we had to stretch our imaginations to discover which costume we would wear,   not to mention the whole process of trick-or-treating.  Don’t forget to work out extra hard tomorrow to work off the party food and candy.  It’s also my time of year, autumn.  The air is cooler; the trees are turning colors, farmers markets are overflowing with their harvests.  People are just happier in the fall.
Take a moment, just one moment, and really enjoy the day.  Have fun. Laugh.  Celebrate living.  Tell someone you love and appreciate them today.Happy Halloween.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Emperor of Thorns by Mark Lawrence Review

I can't truly express how thankful I am this series ended on a high note, a sad note, but an extraordinary note nonetheless.

So much wisdom, so much pain; so much to learn, yet nothing to gain.

The wheel of life turns and our sins rise to meet us; our own thorny scars stretch across the planes to greet us.

Yet who's to say what truth we'll meet on that day?  Will it be a heaven or hell we'll find as we make our own way?

Which is the dream and which is the echo?

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray



http://www.tlgray.blogspot.comhttp://www.authortlgray.wordpress.comhttp://www.facebook.com/authortlgrayhttp://www.twitter.com/authortlgray

New Dreams

Matthew Keith Reviews: Review & Giveaway -- Beyond the Tempest Gate by Je...

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My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark - Fall Out Boys

"My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark"

http://youtu.be/LkIWmsP3c_s


Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.

B-B-B-Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark
And besides in the mean, mean time
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart

I'm in the de-details with the devil
So now the world can never get me on my level
I just gotta get you off the cage
I'm a young lover's rage
Gonna need a spark to ignite

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

Writers keep writing what they write
Somewhere another pretty vein just died
I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see
That you’re the antidote to everything except for me, me

A constellation of tears on your lashes
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes
In the end everything collides
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

My songs know what you did in the dark
(My songs know what you did in the dark)

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.

Image: http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/434/934/4349...

Man, I really, really love the beat and the passion of this song.  It's perfect for a good work out or run, steady and upbeat.  
Yeah, that's me ... that girl in the gym or on the trail singing out loud to ear phones as she's running or working out.  

I don't care.  I can sing pretty good and I'm pretty sure most of the time in key - because I usually sing most of the song a'cappella.  

I sing out ballads too.  I also sing in the car and don't stop when I'm at a stop sign or red light and others look over.  I can't let someone else mess up a good part in the song.  I'm just not the type to stop what I'm doing because it may embarrass or make others feel uncomfortable. I am who I am. You either love me just like I am, or you can walk off and talk about the crazy girl.  It makes no difference to me, because I'm the same always. You'll know what I do in the dark ...the same thing I do in the daylight. I don't have anything to hide.  I'm not ashamed.  I'm just me.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
www.tlgray.blogspot.com
www.authortlgray.wordpress.com
www.facebook.com/AuthorTLGray
twitter.com/AuthorTLGray

+Fall-Out-Boys
+My-Song-Knows-What-You-Did-In-The-Dark
+Singing
+Exercise
+Embarrassing


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I Could Be Wrong

Yeah, you’ve heard it here.  I’ve even went to the trouble to write it down so there’s proof of my admittance.  I’m not one of those people who can’t admit when they’re wrong.  In fact, I’d say I probably admit my failings, weakness and misunderstandings a little too much. 
Admitting I could be wrong about something, doesn’t mean the choices or ideas I expressed were not what I thought were the best options for me at that time, or were the best according to my understanding, because that is where I find most of the problems lay.  Not that I committed an intentional infarction, but that I operated mostly from a position of misunderstanding. 
We, nearly all seven billion of us, have different experiences, ideas, hopes, values and morals that we draw from, react with, or use when it comes to the things we do and the choices we make.  While we think we’re right in our own eyes, we’re essentially only right within our own concepts.  Forcing someone else to respond or react to our outlined prescriptions is truly an invasion upon their will.  It’s not that one is right and one is wrong – because by which standard is the measure for what is right and wrong? 
Just because we don’t think and respond the same way, doesn’t mean our thoughts and actions are not valid.  I have my own opinion, and I can make up my own mind, but my mind isn’t so adamant that it cannot see a different way or learn a different value.  Compromise isn’t always giving up, selling out or surrendering in weakness – but often comes from a place of wisdom and enlightenment. 
When I hear people say things like ‘there just isn’t a way’ or ‘I can see where this will pose a problem in the future’, or ‘this is just how I am’, I become sad.  I know they’ve solidified their opinion and there’s no longer any hope for further enlightenment or compromise.  I can’t promise I’ll always be right, or expect others to always be right, but I do promise to always do my best, keep an open mind, and be quick to forgive.  That’s all I expect out of others in return. But, then again, I could be wrong.
Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://tlgray.blogspot.com/http://authortlgray.wordpress.com/https://www.facebook.com/AuthorTLGray
https://twitter.com/AuthorTLGray