T.L. Gray's Blog, page 51

The Outgoing Introvert

I’m gearing up for my big event today at the University of West Georgia Book Fest ‘13.  For those who know me, know this outgoing splash of color who does really, really well interacting with people. I’m a great public speaker and often the life of the party. What most people don't know is that I nearly throw up right before I paste that smile on my face and get into social mode.  I'm quite an introvert and spend a lot of time on my own, and even have to fight with myself sometimes to leave my own door.  I know it’s just a fear, one I've had all my life, and one that as soon as I take the first step I can control and overcome.  But taking that first step, picking up the phone, opening the door, walking out of the room is sometimes one of the hardest things I do all day.  My friends often think I don’t love them or care because I don’t call them, text them, or message them first, or I don’t answer immediately when they do.  What they don’t realize is that often I desperately need them, but I won’t reach out because of these fears.I can almost guarantee when I get home tonight, I will pass out from exhaustion, because facing those kinds of fears and being "ON" takes a lot of energy. It’s a constant battle.  I'm sure many of you right now have open jaws, unable to believe this crazy thing about me, having seen me in action, heard me speak, and watched me perform.  If you only knew how scared I am, and how much I'd rather just crawl beneath the covers on my bed and hide until the whole event was over, you’d be surprised I do anything. Don't worry, I won’t hide.  I’ve been fighting against this fear all night and all morning.  I'm about to gather my materials, pack them into my car, take a deep breath, and put on my cape (in this case a nice, big hat). It's time to fly, and it doesn’t matter I'm deathly afraid of heights.Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.com
http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

Author Appearance - T.L. Gray

http://uwgperspective.com/around/stories/bookfest.html

I will be there signing copies of my pubilshed books.  I'd love to see you if you can make it.
UWG to Host Inaugural Bookfest for Local AuthorsThe University of West Georgia Bookstore is hosting more than 20 local and regional authors for the inaugural “UWG Bookfest” book festival on Wednesday, September 18, 2013, at 7:00 p.m. This catered event is free and open to the public.“The UWG Bookstore wanted to provide a venue to local authors, as well as faculty, staff and alumni with publications, to celebrate their accomplishments,” says Mark Rhodes, manager of the UWG Bookstore. “It is also our desire to raise public awareness about the great artistic and literary community in Carrollton and surrounding areas. We hope this special event will be a highlight for them.”
Guests will enjoy free food, readings from authors, book signings and music provided by WOLF radio. Guests will also receive a 5 percent discount on all UWG Bookstore merchandise excluding books featured during bookfest.
The impressive list of authors represents all genres and includes several who are now living in the Carrollton area, are alumni of UWG or are current UWG professors. With everything from historical romance and the paranormal to poetry, operas and more, the bookfest offers something for everyone.
The UWG Bookstore is located at the corner of West Georgia Drive and University Drive and is open Monday through Thursday from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., and Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
For more information, please visit www.bookstore.westga.edu or call (678) 839-6523.- See more at: http://uwgperspective.com/around/stor...

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Ebookwyrm's Review: Beyond the Tempest Gate by Jeff Suwak

Check out this review by Andy EBookWyrm Angel of Beyond the Tempest Gate by North Star author Jeff Suwak.

Ebookwyrm's review blog (and general thoughts and ramblings): Beyond the Tempest Gate by Jeff Suwak - a review: This novella, telling the tale of The Holy Knight Gabriel and his quest to go beyond the elemental Tempest Gate to dispose of the demon Ele...  Click on the link to read the full review.

I'm Supergirl!

Click here for the song Supergirl by Krystal Harris
Sometimes I have dreams. I picture myself flying above the clouds, high in the sky. Conquering the world with my magic piano, never being scared, but then I realize.  I'm Supergirl, and I'm here to save the world, but I wanna know, who's gonna save me? I'm Supergirl, and I'm here to save the world, but I wanna know, why I feel so alone?

Seems like a dream, but there's one thing missing. Nobody's here with meto share in all that I've been given. I need someone that's strong enough for me.  I'm Supergirl, and I'm here to save the world, but I wanna know, who's gonna save me? I'm Supergirl, and I'm here to save the world, but I wanna know, why I feel so alone?

I need someone. I won't stop till I find the one who will start belonging in my life.

Sometimes I have days where it seems I fly around putting out fires, preventing disasters, diffusing volatile situations, deflecting bullets, safely pulling jumpers off ledges in the dire pursuit and protection of my dream, to then slide my glasses back on and fill the rest of my day with the normal expectations of being a woman, a mother and a friend.  I often keep those great ‘saves’ to myself.  The empty pillow beside me doesn’t care about my achievements or can comfort my weary soul for the saves I failed to make.
My friend’s do a great job showering me with words of accolades, love and appreciation, but their words can’t compare with the security of a pair of strong arms, the admiration from a set of beautiful eyes, and the satisfaction of a genuine smile.   
What good is all the success and achievement in this world without having someone to share it? I’m not talking about just having a physical presence.  I’ve had that – and was still alone.  I’m talking about the sharing of two souls, a couple who truly understands each other, knows their strengths and weaknesses, forgives their failures and celebrates their saves. 
I am Supergirl and it’s time for me fly.  Up, up and away I ride.  This time I don’t dash to help a stranger… but to save myself.  
Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.com
http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

Revelation's Light

Healing is a long process and from my experience a very painful one, sometimes I believe even more painful from the things for which I’m healing.  I won’t rehash my woes this morning, because I truly feel I’ve reached another level of enlightenment and stage of reconstruction. By revelations’ light, I’m transforming from the ghostly image of who I’ve been into who I’m meant to be.  According to my expert online research (we all know how trustworthy internet information can be) there are currently seven stages of grief: Shock and Denial; Pain and Guilt; Anger and Bargaining; Depression, Reflection and Loneliness; Upward Turn; Reconstruction and working through; and Acceptance and Hope.  I personally feel there are seventy times seven, and they’re all sitting on a merry-go-round, and until we truly find the peace we need, we just keep circling the same hurts over and over.  I know this may be hard to believe, but on most days and at any given moment, my friends will often find me smiling, laughing, joking, encouraging someone else, pushing,  giving of myself and anything I can and have to help.  I’m a giver.  I’m compassionate.  But, I’m also a reflective person; I examine myself often.  With that examination come a lot of facing truths, dealing with pain, and gritting teeth while I endure the healing.  Healing isn’t easy; at least not for me.  Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me this video featuring three of today’s wackiest comedians giving advice on living and overcoming depression.  At first I thought it was funny.  I’m beginning to recognize I use laughter as a defense mechanism at the first sign of pain or discomfort, even without knowing I’m in such a state.  There were a few key phrases that jumped out at me while I watched this video, but throughout the day, at different times, and then in the night while I’m waiting on my mind to drift to sleep, I kept hearing parts of that video play over and over in my head.  I tried distraction of every kind, including playing What’s the Phrase with a few friends, but nothing stopped the anger in me that finally bubbled to the surface and then finally spilled out.  My poor friend, Jenna, graciously allowed me to use her as a sounding board without judging or getting angry at me.  Girlfriends are really important.  I had thought I’d been through this stage of grief already, but I guess I’ve only scratched the surface, because I’m angry.  I’m not just a little angry; I’m steaming, volcano-erupting-mad-as-hell angry.  I should not be where I am! I’ve worked too hard for too damned long to be here.  I’ve spent my whole life putting other people first and the first time I trust someone else to put me first, they don’t – they let me down; they let me fall, and then walked away to leave me to pick myself up.  I’m so fucking mad.  I gave everything and when I needed someone to believe in me, to sacrifice FOR me, they couldn’t or refused.  I don’t even think most of the pain comes from them not being who I needed them to be, but more from the fact they didn’t deem me worthy of the effort or trouble.  My anger is so strong it’s colored everything to the point it’s paralyzed me.  Being let down when it’s expected is different than when you finally let go and place your dreams into someone else’s hands.  Then it’s not disappointment; it’s betrayal.  There hasn’t been a task or obstacle I’ve ever had trouble overcoming or defeating in my life, and there have been some major issues, until now.  Literally for the past couple of years I’ve been blinded in rage.  I’m in so much pain I became numb; in shock.  Then when I start to feel it, I blame myself because I should have known better than to trust someone else with the very thing that meant the world to me.  Abuse my body, I’ll bounce back.  Break my heart, it will heal.  But trample on my dreams…. It took me witnessing someone else react in fear concerning their dream for me to realize and recognize what’s been holding me back; why I’ve been paralyzed and not doing simple things I know I should; things that are essentially self-destructive.  I haven’t dealt with the pain yet, because it’s the worse devastation I’ve ever experienced.  I can never express how grateful I am to the friends that have come into my life this past year.  Each one of them has been essential in healing a different part of me.  I know they love me, care for me and only want to help.  All they’ve seen so far is this paralyzed, scared, angry little girl.  But, I’m healing, I’m dealing with my anger, and soon they will get to meet the strong, powerful woman I’ve always been.  I hope my friends will love her as much as they’ve loved me.  She’s different.  She’s confident, unstoppable, doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, isn’t scared of anything and doesn’t see defeat.  Right now, I’m still very angry. I’m literally shaking as I write this.  I feel trapped, held down against my will and forced into a life I didn’t choose or deserve.  Now that I recognize the source of my paralysis, I have the power to remove it and take a step forward. Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.com
http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

A Place at the Table

Here is a beautiful story written by an author friend of mine, Jeff Suwak, who just released his first book.   I'm a dreamer, and I'm always interested in hearing about other people's dreams, mostly to see if theirs are as crazy as mine.  It seems I'm in good company.
For those of you who are Cormac McCarthy, Ernest Hemingway, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac, Philip K. Dick or Hunter S. Thompson fans, you will really enjoy this.
Please visit and subscribe to this author's page, and leave Jeff a comment.  You might just find yourself with a "Place at the Table".
A Place at the Table
Till next time,~T.L. Gray

Don't Stop Me Now

Don't Stop Me Now - Queen

There are so many people in this world who try to get in my way and stop me from being happy, seeking my goals, or fulfilling my dreams.  I don’t understand why and I don’t think they do it with purposeful intent.  However, it never fails.  Just when things seem to move forward, someone always steps in my path.  Well, I’m getting pretty good at shoving those things or people to the side that try to stop me, and I don’t have a single regret. I want to achieve a lot of things in this life and I don’t apologize for wanting so much.  I think humility in this instance is stupid.  I have practically nothing right now, having to start my life over from the ground up, but I’m not materialistic.  However, when it comes to my dreams, I dream big and I want to accomplish GREAT things, and I’m not ashamed of that.  It doesn’t work to tell me to be happy with my lot in life, because I’ll never settle for what life hands me.  I’ll only be happy with those things that I grab, seek and find.  I don’t want to be given anything other than the opportunity for me to achieve, obtain and overcome.  I like the race.  I like the fight.  I like the challenge.  THAT is where the living is done.  So, take it from somebody who barely has anything, and who doesn’t even know where she’s going to be tomorrow.  I feel the beat.  The music is moving my feet, so you better get the hell out of my way because you’re not going to stop me now… I’m having a good time. You can either join in or step aside. Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.comhttp://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

Planting Seeds

I can remember the first time as a child when I planted my first flower.  I was so excited. I went to the gardening center to pick out the perfect plant I wanted to grow.  With money I had earned, I bought the pot, the dirt, the feed, and read the instructions carefully to make sure I did everything just right.  I asked the clerk at the plant store what the words I didn’t understand meant, to make sure I did the proper thing.  It felt odd holding that tiny seed in my hand, knowing it was a viable object, something so insignificant, yet with the right elements, would grow into something beautiful - as long as I followed the instructions.  For a six year old, that was a lot of responsibility.  When I got home, I circled the outside of my house several times to make sure my flower would have the best spot.  According to the planting instructions it needed to have access to full sunlight.  All day long I’d watch the sun to find out which side of the house stayed brightest the longest.  I realize now that the care I took in preparation for my plant was how I treated all things in my life.  Being the oldest sibling of five brothers with handicapped (blind father and mother with MS) parents, I had been a caregiver and nurturer my whole life. I’m not saying I never had selfish moments, but I lived with a mind frame fraught with preparation, dedication and determination.  I had no other choice.  I found my perfect sun spot, poked my finger into the moistened and fertilized soil and carefully placed my seed inside and covered it up, making sure I didn’t pat it down and make the soil too compact for it to grow.  That moment was significant, so much so that I still remember it thirty-six years later. I felt good, important and creative in that moment as I stared down at the blackened soil.  But that moment quickly faded.  I thought the hard part was over, when it really had only just begun.  The next few weeks turned into a cycle of waiting, worrying, pondering and fretting.  I’d worry if the sun was too hot, if the water was too little or too much, if insects would come and kill it before it had a chance to grow, what was it doing under the surface, did I forget anything, and what was taking it so long? None of that torment and torture did anything to speed up the growth of my flower, nor did it slow it down.  The only person it hurt or effected was me. Needless to say, my plant eventually broke through the surface and bloom into a beautiful flower.  I can’t remember if it ever bloomed a second time or if I discarded and neglected it and it died, because that would be more in keeping to the way I treat plants today, but I’ll never forget that first time. I still react the same way to other seeds I plant in my life – filled with questioning worry – but I’ve also learned to build hope at the same time.  Having seen the ‘fruit’ of my labors on too many occasions, there is always a remnant of hope that helps to ease the worry for the seeds I’m now waiting to grow in my life.  I still fret over if that seed is being properly nourished and guarded, but I’ve accepted waiting for it to bloom in its right time and right season.  While the waiting part is hard, in the end it’s worth it. Have you planted a seed in your life?  If so, have a little patience and hope.  It is my hope your fruit/flower will be as beautiful and sweet as you expect it to be, and even more. Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.com
http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

West Georgia Living Magazine - Beyond the Tempest Gate by Jeff Suwak

Click here to read article

Passion Vs. Indifference

“Some men are too dull to feel what might happen. Others torture themselves with maybes and populate their dreams with horrors more terrible than their worst enemy could inflict upon them.”  
― Mark Lawrence,  Prince of Thorns
This is one of the reasons why I’m a Mark Lawrence fan.  There are baubles of wisdom such as this all through the Broken Empire series.  While I zip through his books on a first read to discover what happens plot-wise and character-wise, I then slow down, take my time and meditate on many of the passages, such as the one listed above, and really sit back in awe at his wisdom.
This phrase has been rolling around in my brain for a few days because I find myself once again at another crossroad, with another huge decision to make, and teeter back and forth concerning my choices.
I’m guilty of doing everything described above.  At times, not because I’m dull, but perhaps because I’m numb, I can’t even form the words in my mind or heart of what might happen, so I feel and think nothing, pushing all thoughts away.  Then other times, many times really, I lose sleep worried over all the possibilities of what could be successful, and terrified by all the fears of what could be disastrous.   Welcome to humanity.
However, if I had to choose between the two, I’d choose the latter, because I’d rather feel fear and uncertainty than nothing at all.  Indifference, in my opinion, is the worse state to exist.  Anger, hate, fear, hope, love and anticipation are all varying degrees of passion.  I’d rather be passionate, even if it’s passionately wrong, than be passion-less, indifferent, or dull.  I might as well be dead.
Till next time,~T.L. Grayhttp://www.tlgray.blogspot.comhttp://www.wordpress.com