Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 532

July 3, 2011: So much for the long weekend!

Pictured above: the chocolate souffle at MBCo in Yorkvile.  It's just one of the many things I'll miss about Toronto when I move back to Vancouver in December along with Scarpetta restaurant and, uh, the chocolate souffle at MBCo.

A somewhat relaxing long weekend.  I kicked back by making some major progress on the fourth issue of my comic book series, Dark Matter, hitting the 17 page mark before running out of steam (which puts me well ahead of schedule for my July 12th delivery date).  I also did the late network notes on episode #2, addressing all but one mini-major issue (not because I vehemently disagreed with it but because incorporating the note would raise some logic questions and several production concerns).

A very big week ahead on the Transporter: The Series prep and production front.  The broadcasters head back into town as the cast convenes for our very first read-thru.  My writing partner Paul finishes up prep as episode #1 (Pilot) goes to camera.  Meanwhile, I wade into a rising tide of script rewrites as prep on episode #2 looms.

Late today, series director Andy Mikita forwarded me the mood board Technicolor put together in a bid to get the ball rolling on the opening title sequence. Yeah, I didn't know what a mood board was either but, now that I know, I have to admit it's very cool.  Andy also sent me the sizzle reel David put together in advance of the big week ahead.  A lot of dynamic footage from the Europe shoot makes for a very exciting teaser.  Don't want to get ahead of myself (our first completed episode is a ways off) but everything I'm seeing suggests a pretty awesome show.

Maximus and Jelly make the most of their Sunday.

Dinner with Michael Shanks rescheduled to Tuesday night and it's looking like a mini Stargate reunion.  Again, he left it up to me to choose the restaurant.  Of course, I told him it would have to be somewhere special because, damnit, HE'S special!  Hey, what's that place where you can eat a medieval feast while knights do battle for your entertainment?

Finish up the last few pages of Sweet Tooth volume 1, you stragglers!  Discussion on the July Book of the Month Club begins tomorrow!

July 2, 2011: Crunch time and comics!

Boy oh boy, nothing keeps a television writer real and grounded like network notes two days AFTER a rewrite has been completed.  Just when they're regaining that old self-confidence, growing presumptuously organized and focused on the next script, the email fairy appears bearing tidings of discomfort and requests for a serious rethinking of the script's main villain.  And so, rather than moving on to my rewrite of episode #6, I'll be rewriting my rewrite of episode #2 instead.  Of course, as my writing partner Paul pointed out, we only have ourselves to blame.  Unlike countless disorganized productions that barely have a script beyond the season opener by the time they go to camera, with a week to go before main unit starts shooting, we have eight scripts out there in various stages of development. We're well ahead of the game which is great for the production as it gives us plenty of time to prep – and even greater for anyone inclined to give notes because there is PLENTY of time for that as well.

It's crunch time, ladies and gentlemen.  Paul is up to his eyeballs in prep on episode #1 and I've got a plethora of rewrites on tap (#2, #3, #5, #6, and #7) – with prep looming for my first episode as well.  The challenge, as always, is to address the concerns of the various players (and in the case of this production, I count a little over a half dozen) in way that satisfies their requests yet keeps the scripts tight and, most importantly, produceable given the established budgetary parameters.  No mean feat.

Today, I took a break from all the Transporter script work and relaxed by working on the fourth and final script (of the opening four-issue arc) of my upcoming comic book series, Dark Matter, an SF space opera that, at its thematic core, is all about revelations, redemption, and revenge.  My editor at Dark Horse, Patrick Thorpe has been keeping me updated on the developing artwork, forwarding me everything from rough layouts to pencils (to a color version of the first issue's awesome cover).  Artist Garry Brown continues to astound.  And no wonder. Just check out some of his past work…

Head on over and peruse the rest of Garry's gallery here: http://www.garrybrownart.com/

Dark Matter will be hitting the shelves January of 2012.

A little over 500 votes cast in the Name Trevor's Baby Contest and, sadly, my favorite choice – Oprah – trails badly with a paltry 32 votes.  It's neck and neck for the other four entries – Trouble, Spearmint, Eufemia, and Muff – as we head to the finish line.  Head on over to this entry () and cast your vote.  I'll be announcing the winning name later this week.  What I initially took for excitement on the part of the soon-to-be-dad, Trevor, our Executive Producer's Assistant, turned out to be apprehension and a smattering of fear at the prospect of how his wife will react.  Just in case he's having second thoughts, I had our legal department actually make the acceptance of the baby-naming a part of his job requirement.

Another reminder: Read volume #1 of Sweet Tooth by Jeff Lemire!  Discussion on the trade paperback begins Monday!

Finally, I would appreciate it if everyone took a moment to post their porn star name after following this simple formula: Simply take the name of your first pet and follow it with the name of the street you grew up on.  Smokey Bordeaux, at your service.

And finally-finally – no matter how many times I play the following video, Akemi is reduced to a puddle of tears.  I feel bad for the kid too.  I think she was expecting a bicycle…

July 1, 2011: Soma Chocolate!

I celebrated Canada Day by driving around town discovering everything was closed for Canada Day.  After not shopping for fresh produce and canned pumpkin puree for the dogs (It helps keep 'em regular!), we didn't enjoy a nice lunch and follow up by checking out a nice macaron place.  Instead, we had a craptacular meal, walked around aimlessly in an attempt to make the most of our two and a half hour parking, then hopped back in the car and headed home.  Hoping the day wouldn't be a total waste we set off on foot, just a few blocks down, to check out a chocolate shop I'd noticed in passing the other day (Welcome to SOMA chocolatemaker).  I'd heard good things about it – some from a few readers of this blog – and was looking forward to a theobromine hit, but fully expecting it to be closed.  Well, whaddya know?

We walked by two young ladies sitting out front.  I peered inside. "We're open!"one of them happily informed me, jumping up out of her seat.  Then, suddenly taking another look at me and hesitating. Briefly, I imagined she'd mistaken me for one of those sketch artist renditions of some perp spotlighted in the latest installment of Crime Stoppers.  Instead, her eyes narrowed, she pointed and said: "Are you the Stargate guy?"

Ho-Ly Crap!  This never happens to me.  Usually.  Once at the checkout of my local pharmacy (fortunately I hadn't purchased anything embarrassing), another in the dead of winter's night on a deserted corner in downtown Montreal, and now outside a chocolate shop in Toronto.  I enlightened her.  I was one of the Stargate guys…

Turns out she and her husband are huge fans of the franchise and regular readers of this blog.  Given my love of chocolate, they'd been expecting me for a while now…

Mai (who recognized me) and Diana. And an awesome purple shirt being worn by some guy.

No little chocolate shop. The place is huge! And well-stocked. Akemi peruses the chocolate-themed choices - bars to biscuits and everything in between.

We kick things off with two double shots of dense dark - one spicy, one not. Rich and intense!

The individual chocolate selections.

We followed with about a dozen chocolates. Akemi was partial to the olive oil chocolate. I liked the brown butter.

After which it was time for dessert. Two scoops of gelato: Thai coconut and pistachio. Akemi and I were both in agreement. Best gelato in Toronto.

Mai and Diana usher us out before we clean them out of stock.

But not before we picked up something for the road.

I can't believe this place is within walking distance of my place.  And open until 8:00 p.m. Monday to Saturday.

To echo Akemi: "Dangerous!"

June 30, 2011: Vote for one of the finalists in our Name Trevor's Baby Contest! And other stuff!

Our Executive Producers' Assistant, Trevor, is really looking forward to the birth of his first child AND the name you, my dear blog reader, will bestow upon said kidling.  Look at him (pictured above), excited beyond belief at the prospect that we'll be doing all the heavy lifting, generating options, considering, and, ultimately, deciding the name of his firstborn.

I've gone over all the entries and have narrowed the list down.  I originally wanted to settle on three names but I had a hard enough time trimming the list down from my final fave 10.  And so, here are the Final Five names in the Name Trevor's Baby Contest.  Vote for your favorite now!  The finalists are:

Trouble

Oprah

Spearmint

Eufemia

Muff

Start voting, either in the comments section or in the poll I'm going to (try to) upload here: View This Poll
online survey

P.S. It was a tough and highly competitive field.  Honorable mentions that didn't make the cut included Rovert, Adlehnburg, Nutella, Echymosis, and Dysphagia.

Speaking of happy co-workers, check out Steve and Alexander celebrating the completion of the episode 10 spin session…

It's going to be a great episode.  Macheterrific!

Today's Bento Breakfast…

Note the heart-shaped figs, my name in chocolate on top, and the oatmeal wink.  Totemo jozu as the Japanese would say!

Big long weekend ahead.  Two rewrites and the fourth and final issue of (the opening arc of) my comic book series, Dark Matter, to get to.  I'm also hoping to begin my quest for Toronto's best macaron.  I'll be starting with this preliminary guide forwarded to me by Stargate Special Features Producer Ivon Bartok: http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_macarons_in_toronto/

Today's entry is dedicated to birthday (and belated birthday) regulars Tammy Dixon, profmadmax,Luvnjack and for the love of Beckett.

June 29, 2011: Dinner and drinks with Hawkman! Episode 10 on track! Bento Breakfast! And a Sweet Tooth reminder!

Hey, look who it is!  It's Michael Shanks (Stargate's Dr. Daniel Jackson, Smallville's Hawkman) who's in town shooting Saving Hope with Erica Durance (Smallville's Lois Lane).  Michael texted me last week to let me know he'd be in Toronto and that I should set aside a night for catching up.  He suggested drinks, I countered with dinner, and we ended up covering both.  He left it up to me to choose the restaurant and, after much consideration over countless choices, I ended up going with my go-to place: Scarpetta.  There we enjoyed a great meal and an even better conversation, three and a half hours spent talking about past and future projects, life on the home front and, of course, Stargate. About the only topic we didn't cover was the Vancouver Canucks.  I figured it was too soon.

After Toronto, Michael heads back to Vancouver (lucky!) to work on yet another project.  It's great to hear he's been keeping busy between work and family (he received text updates on the latter from the lovely Lexa).  He knows T.O. fairly well – apparently having lived here at one point – and assures me that once the summer events kick into full swing, I'll be much happier here.  Yep, as soon as they finish with all that construction, I'm sure I'll be a lot happier.

Orecchiette with fava beans and mint.

The spaghetti with tomato and basil.

At one point, we were discussing the fantastic Alaina Huffman (who, coincidentally, I had dinner at Scarpetta with just last week).  Michael explained how, during one of her convention appearances, he had sensed her nervousness and sought to put her at ease, reassuring her that, despite the online vitriol directed at SGU, the con fans would be polite to her.  They were sitting on the panel when Michael said something to her along the lines of: "You look worried."  At which point some fan in the front row piped up with: "She should be."

Oooh, scary.  Please, angry fan – don't lasso me with your Dr. Who scarf!

Heard this story before from three other sources, but thought it warranted repeating since there are a few doubters out there.

Speaking of cons, I finally cleared up a mystery that has dogged fandom for years: The Mystery of the Script Surprise.  It went something like this: the SG-1 (minus RDA) are onstage at a con preparing to auction off a signed SG-1 shooting script when Amanda flips through the pages and has something catch her eye. She gives it a quizzical look, then shows it to Michael who seems equally mystified. Ultimately, they tear out the curious page, toss it, and auction off the script. This odd incident has given rise to conspiracy theories, conjecture and countless rumors.  What WAS on that mysterious page? Some say it was the offensive ramblings of some embittered actor.  Others say it was a set of incantations I had scribbled into the margins in a failed bid to curse the winning bidder.  Still others claim it contained the alternate ending to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows in which Snape is redeemed through a final heroic act and it is revealed Dumbledore faked his own death.  Alas, it was none of the above.  At first, when I asked him about it, Michael drew a blank.  And then, casting his mind back, he remembered: nothing anywhere near as exciting.  It was actually personal information in the form of a director's contract that had been mistakenly included along with the script. Damn.  And I was really pulling for Snape!

Uh oh.

Anyway, after dinner, we grabbed a seat in the lounge and reminisced some more.  Even though I've known Michael for years, I never really had the opportunity to sit down and talk to him one on one until last night, and it was great to get his perspective on his time with the franchise, from the early years through the controversial mid-stretch to the fun and incredibly satisfying final two seasons (and on this we are in total agreement).  It was a terrific night.

So terrific, in fact, that we're doing it again on Monday, hopefully, this time, with Paul, Rob, and Marty G.

On the Transporter production – Finally!  Movement on episode 10! Look at how happy Steve is!  We actually got around to spinning his story and breaking it, beating out the teaser and two and a half acts before being distracted by one of those massive conference calls where no one can hear anyone else but ultimately culminates in everyone agreeing on the information already outlined in previous emails.

Today's Bento Breakfast…

Akemi schools me on the finer points of cute meals by informing me that the face on the left is female because – of course – she has rosey cheeeks.

And a final point of interest.  It's been a while since we've brushed my pug Maximus (pictured in this blog's banner).  How long?

THIS long!

Tomorrow, I reveal the three finalists in the "Name Trevor's Baby Contest" after which YOUR VOTES will decide the name of my assistant's newborn.

And, finally, if you're thinking of taking part in July's Book of the Month Club discussion, pick up and read volume 1 of Jeff Lemire's Sweet Tooth…

If you're not thinking about it – well, start thinking about it.  It'll only take you a couple of hours to read!

Then, prepare your questions for author Jeff Lemire.  He'll be joining us next week for the discussion.

Tagged: Daniel Jackson, Jeff Lemire, Michael Shanks, SG-1, Stargate, Stargate: SG-1, Sweeth Tooth, Transporter: The Series

June 28, 2011: Picking up speed on prep…

Akemi's latest bento breakfast gives me the strength to field the day's explosive issue.  I borrow Bobby C.'s shades to keep the shrapnel out of my eyes.

Alexander gives me the "Yes, it CAN get any worse" look.

Steve demonstrates patience and perseverance, coming in to the conference and settling in, fully prepared to work on his episode – only to have us called away to deal with prep-related business.  Over and over and over again.  Despite it all, he's all smiles.  Understanding or one more interruption away from a laptop-wielding bludgeoning spree?

Guess we'll find out tomorrow.

Sue Murdoch is camera shy (I can only assume it's because she has an outstanding warrant for her arrest somewhere in the United States).

When NOT spinning Steve's story today, we were checking out the auditions for the pilot (I believe we have our Fiona, General Weigart and, possibly, Berne. And we should have our Frieder buy tomorrow), chatting with Stephen, our pilot director, who looks A LOT like his brother (He's an incredibly smart guy with great creative vision.  I've already lined him up for a future Q&A), missing out on the Audi test,  perusing costume suggestions coming in for Frank, Delia, Carla, and Tarconi, preparing the supporting materials (preliminary boards, timings, notes) for my next four rewrites, and sitting in on a grueling conference call.  And I'm not even in prep on MY episode yet!

Grabbing a matcha, then off to dinner with Shanks.  I'll tell him you guys say hi!

June 27, 2011: Transporter: The Series Production Update! Jelly! Bento Breakfast!

Hey, look!  It's the new guy!

A.K.A. writer Steve Bailie, formerly of Primeval and The Bill, presently of episode #10 of Transporter: The Series.  Steve, who hails from Jolly Olde England ("Smashing kippers, wot?") got in yesterday and showed up armed with a slew of good ideas.  Now, all we've got to do is pick one.  We managed to get some spinning done on his story but, unfortunately, every time we got started one of us would get sidetracked or called away on prep-related business.  And, as we draw closer to the first day of main unit photography, those distractions are just going to keep mounting.

Paul has had his hands full prepping episode #1, attending various meetings and location scouts, while Alexander forges ahead on his second script.  For my part, I've been keeping equally busy what with my advanced reiki classes and try-outs for the Glee Project (Carl Binder, you've been served!).  Oh, also finished a significant rewrite of my second script and plan to start addressing the network notes on episode #2 as soon as I receive the last batch.  Once that's done, I'm going to help my writing partner out by jumping on the rewrite of his script, episode #5 while he works on the rewrites for episodes #4 and #8.  Whew!

Today, in addition to eating, I also found the time to call up actor Francois Berleand in Paris to discuss the Tarconi character – and, more importantly, practice my French (Attention!  Le zebre de ma soeur est sur le toit!).

Hey, look who got a haircut!

A gentle reminder to get your picks in for the Name Trevor's Baby Contest.  The call for entries ends tomorrow then, on Thursday, I'll present my three favorite names for you to vote on.  Name with the most votes wins!  Today, Trevor was all like "Hey, this is a joke, right?".  A joke?!  The nerve of the guy.

My gal Jelly has suddenly slowed down considerably over the last twenty-four hours.  At the park this morning, she was barely able to support her back end.  I'm hoping it's just a case of her overdoing it after returning to the apartment this weekend.  Just in case, I'm scheduling her for a stem cell booster.  In the meantime, I picked up some D.A.P. (Dog Appeasing Pheromone) air freshener.  It's supposed to have a calming effect on dogs.  Haven't seen any change in them but I certainly feel super-relaxed.

Finally, Bento Breakfast is back on…

June 26, 2011: Yet another entry.

Home!  Just six months away!  Refuel!  Bella Gelateria!  A backyard for the dogs!  My own bed!  My home theater room!  Yep.  2012 is gonna be sweet!

Anyway…

Yet another Toronto weekend segueing into yet another week in Toronto.

Please keep posting your baby name suggestions for the Name Trevor's Baby contest.  I narrow down the list to the three finalists this week and then the voting begins.  Our assistant is understandably uncertain about the whole contest so let's put his mind at ease by offering up a name that would've made Moon Unit Zappa's parents proud!

A quickie reminder to pick up/read/finish up July's Book of the Month Club pick: Sweet Tooth, by Jeff Lemire.  It's a more-than-manageable trade paperback, the first volume of a terrific and unique series, so make the effort!  Author Jeff Lemire will be joining us the week of July 4th to field your questions.

Some news of note…

Next time you're at your favorite burger joint and a customer says "This burger tastes like crap!", he may be right: http://gothamist.com/2011/06/16/video_japanese_scientist_makes_and.php

13 quease-inducing dishes I would even hesitate to sample: http://www.cnngo.com/bangkok/eat/thailands-13-most-repulsive-dishes-242509

From the gang at Cracked.com, If Everything In Life Listed Side Effects: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_215_if-everything-in-life-listed-side-effects/

Even people from Toronto complain about Toronto.  And with good reason: http://ca.news.yahoo.com/torontos-war-on-fun.html

Steve Eramo's latest interview with Colin Cunningham (Stargate's Major Davis): http://www.themortonreport.com/entertainment/television/mr-opportunist-interview-with-falling-skies-colin-cunningham/

Mailbag:

DP writes: "How do you know the guy who parked half on the street is an -sshole?"

Answer: Yes, it's possible he was rushing to deliver his pregnant wife to the emergency ward before she gave birth – mistaking a convenience store for a hospital.

dasndanger writes: "Quick question, I know you're not a big drinker, but have you ever been a smoker?"

Answer: Nope.

Lewis writes: "What did Carl say when he found out that Rachel Skarsten was cast as Delia?"

Answer: He was delighted because, of course, he worked with her when she was just a kid.  When I told Rachel that Carl was involved in the show, she was equally delighted – but her mother especially so.  Carl, that old charmer.

July 25, 2011: Weary! Toronto = world's douchiest drivers! Additions to the rogue's gallery!

Feeling a little overwhelmed of late on the home and work front, looking ahead to the summer, Christmas vacation and beyond.  Since post-production work on Transporter: The Series will keep me busy through December, it looks like I'll have to push my annual Japan trip to January.  And, yes, I fully intend to go – although, even before the quake, I was considering taking my old Tokyo travel buddy, Stefan, up on his suggestion and maybe do a train tour, starting in Hokkaido in the north and ending somewhere in the South (Kyushu?).  Akemi, however, thinks I should just do my usual two-weeks in Tokyo.  She really misses the city (almost as much as Vancouver) and really wants to go back and visit with me.

Speaking of going back, this marks the last day of our week+ house-sitting Fondy's place and her adorable but badly behaved frenchies, Brie and Stewie.  I thought four dogs were more than a handful.  Try six – competing for your attention, needing to go out, begging for snacks and table scraps, waking up way too early every morning, getting a running start from the opposite end of the hallway and then launching themselves at you from a three foot distance.  It can be exhausting.  Of course, nowhere near exhausting (or frustrating) as the 1 hour + drive each way from the house to the office.  The traffic in this city is miserable. Here's an idea to help alleviate congestion: Finish the work!  95% of the bottle-necked construction zones I pass on a daily basis are devoid of actual workers.  Of course compounding the problem are Toronto's drivers, the douchiest drivers I've ever encountered (and I've been to Paris!) who think nothing of cutting off other cars, swerving into traffic, or double-parking on busy streets…

June 15, 2011, approximately 5:45 p.m., Wellington Street West. Traffic was backed up for miles. What I at first assumed was an accident turned out to be this asshole who seemed to think that only being half on the street meant he would only cause his fellow drivers half the headache.

June 16, 2011 - North York. Sorry, having your own caution sign doesn't give you the right to double-park.

Yes, all sorts of annoyed.  And so, to cheer myself up, I went out for lunch, then stopped by a local comic shop (Cyber City Comix) to pick up a few items and round out the office decor.  My interior designer and I put our heads together and decided on a supervillain theme for my workplace:

Electro.  Sure, the headpiece if borderline silly but, much like Mysterio (who sports an equally silly headpiece), the character takes me back to my youth, reading Spiderman comics and watching the old Ralph Bakshi cartoon (incidentally, I picked up the box set.  Once I'm back in Vancouver, I plan on having a marathon in my home theater room.  Who's in?).

Deathlock the Demolisher.  Technically, not a villain but more a grey area character (like Deadpool who also decorates my office).  Along with the Beast, one of my favorite comic book characters growing up, so I snapped him up.  Hmmm.  Come to think of it, I may already have him back in Vancouver.

Lizard.  Another Spiderman villain.  No nostalgic connection to this character, but I figured that, since I was picking up bad guys and he was available…

Sandman.  Another villain with a Spiderman connection.  In this case, I picked him up not because I grew up with the character, or to round out the collection, but because the sculpt is so damn cool.

Terrax.  Galactus's former herald comes with one sweet swingin' axe.  He'll look great standing beside Thanos (who awaits him back in Vancouver).

Two statues I considered but, ultimately, didn't make the cut…

Kraven the Hunter.  Yes, he's a Spiderman villain but ever since Martin Gero walked into my office back in Vancouver, pointed to an alternate statue of Kraven I had sitting up on my shelf, and asked: "Who's that?  Freddie Mercury?", I've had a hard time taking the character seriously.

Sinestro.  On the one hand, here's a rare DC villain statue.  On the other hand, what's with the base of swirling yellow nothingness.  Also, sadly, working against him: the Green Lantern movie.

Anyway, the new additions will join my Toronto office rogue's gallery that includes the likes of: Dr. Octopus, Deadpool, Bullseye, and Ultron.  Almost makes me eager to get back to work.

Almost.

June 24, 2011: Ensure your legacy in the Name My Co-Worker's Baby Contest!

I was in Trevor's office today going over some production details on episode #3 when, partway through our Harry Potter discussion, I noticed two of my female co-workers staring out the window.

"Ooooh, loooook!"cooed one.

"Soooo cute!", the other.

I hurried over to join them, peering out and scanning the area across the street for a glimpse of the adorable puppy – to no avail.  All I could see was a group of people and a woman holding a baby.  WTF?

"Where's the dog?"I asked.

"What dog?"wondered co-worker #1.

"The cute dog that has you guys all excited."

"It's not a dog.  It's the baby."

I took a second, longer look.  The baby wasn't doing anything particularly amusing like projectile vomiting or driving a car.  It was just there, hanging off its mother's arm like a loaf of soggy bread. Maybe I'd missed it.

"What did it do?"I asked.

"What do you mean 'what did it do'?"

"I mean what did it do that was so funny?"

"It didn't do anything."  Then, fixing me with an admonishing look.  "It's just a cute baby."

"It is?"  It looked pretty much like any other baby to me.

"Babies are cute,"co-worker #2 informed me with the conviction of, say, a "Bananas are yellow" or  a "Vegetarians are flatulent".

"They are?"

In response, I received the type of glares usually reserved for clumsy drunks.

Anyway, all this to ask: Did I miss something?  Is it widely accepted that all babies are cute by the simple virtue of being babies?  Does the fact that every infant looks exactly the same to me – with the exception of those wide-eyed goofy ones – suggest I lack the paternal gene (to compliment my jazz deficiency)?  I mean, I can certainly sympathize with an individual's desire to produce an offspring who'll feel obligated to mark their birthday each year with a requisite salutary phone call and/or banish them to the appropriate nursing home when the time comes but I still don't quite get it.  For my part, I'm more of a dog guy though, admittedly, dogs do require a little more effort than kids.  It's not like you can just line the kitchen with newspaper, put out some food and water, and then go away for the weekend and expect them to fend for themselves.  That would be fine for a child but dogs require companionship and the occasional belly rub.

Anyway, speaking of babies, the wife of one of my co-workers – Executive Producers' Assistant Trevor – is having a baby and, next week, they find out the sex of their child.  Which got me thinking…this would be a perfect opportunity to hold a little contest.

Slap on your creative caps and start thinking as this blog kicks off the: NAME TREVOR'S BABY CONTEST!

Trevor says: "I've got nothing. Thank goodness for Joe's readers."

First post, first served, so if you want to claim the rights to a name early (I've already taken Rubella and Spearmint), start posting.  I'll choose the top three candidates from the list of suggestions after which it will be up to YOU to vote in a winner!

"Hey, wait a minute!"some of you are no doubt saying. "We thought Joe fired Trevor!".  Well, I certainly should have after THIS incident (June 9, 2011: Oatmeal Snowman! Trevor screws up my page count! Stargate: SG-1 season 9! News of note!) but soon after letting him go, I was informed that it's actually cheaper for the production to keep him.  Apparently, his departure would require us to purchase a scarecrow to prop up in his workspace to keep the wolverines at bay (and away from our lunches).  And so, I had to re-hire him.

Of course no sooner was Trevor back in the office than he was up to his old tricks.  After hopping onto my laptop and fixing a formatting glitch with my screenwriter software, he starts explaining what the issue was and how he'd fixed it.  "Look,"I told him, "don't come to me with problems.  Or explanations of solutions to problems.  Just come to me with solutions."

Geez!

Tagged: The Transporter, Transporter, Transporter: The Series