Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 527

September 25, 2011: From East to West!

Dinner last night…

Tonight's dinner…

Chef Jane

Heirloom tomato salad. So sweet, it was like eating candy. NATURE'S CANDY!

Walla Walla Onion Risotto

Short Ribs

Back on the west coast tonight, then back to the east coast tomorrow morning!

Pleased to report that, while their General Manager was flying the friendly skies, the Snow Monkeys clawed their way to a 2-1 recrod following a close shave 0.64 victory over the Autodrafts.   Bamboo leaves for everyone!

September 24, 2011: Another Goodbye Dinner!

Last night, we were out for yet another goodbye dinner – this time, with my buddy Mega from across the hall.  Well, across the hall when I was working on Transporter.  During my stay on the production, Mega never failed to put a smile on my face, offer an understanding ear, or filch one of the figs from my morning bento boxes.  Her hubby, Gary, joined us for the occasion…

Gary and Mega prepare to feast!

 Gary used to work in the food industry and is an equally passionate foodie.  Apparently, they spent the previous night perusing the Buca menu in preparation.  We started with a charcuterie platter (which included decadent whipped lardo), a cheese trio with accompaniments, and some sausage-stuffed deep-fried olives.  Yes, you heard correctly.  Then, it was on to the headliners…

Burrata Pizza: fresh burrata cheese and preserved tomato finished with grated nutmeg. Wonderfully redolent of basil. Burrata is now Akemi's favorite cheese.

Thrilled! The meal surpasses their already lofty expectations.

Risotta Carnaroli: Calabrian carnaroli with sweet fresh corn, finished with egg yolk, toasted focaccia, cured moulard duck breast and finely grated nutmeg. After trying this, we were introduced to the term "mouthgasm".

Culurgiones: sugar pumpkin filled pasta with taleggio fonduta, scorzone truffle and toasted pumpkin seeds. I could have this for dessert as well.

A glass of proseco and two bottles of wine later, Mega is "in the groove".

Strawberry and balsimic sorbet (according to Akemi. She LOVED it), mint chocolate chip, and a delightfully subtle milk and honey.

The Lemon Tart

Sad Rabbit

Yes, we're both looking a little sleepy.

Have been enjoying your responses to my "What makes you sick?" query in yesterday's blog entry.  Lots of interesting (quease-inducing) answers.  Keep 'em coming!

Probably a later blog entry tomorrow as I'll be on west coast time.  So don't worry!

September 23, 2011: Carl's farewell dinner! Cupcakes! What makes you sick?

A terrific send-off dinner last night as we all gathered at Babur Restaurant for Carl Binder's farewell feast.  The attendees included Carl Binder (writer, Exec. Producer, SGA and SGU), Martin Gero (writer, Exec. Producer, SGA), Jewel Staite (aka Dr. Jennifer Keller, SGA), Andy Mikita (Director, SG-1, SGA, and SGU), Mike Banas P.I. (ace editor, SGA and SGU), Jennifer Johnson (Associate Producer, SG-1, SGA, and SGU), Chelan Simmons (Mara, SGA's The Tower) in addition to some Transporter people: Sarah Benab (Public Relations, The Transporter), Alexander M. Ruemelin (writer, Exec. Producer, Show Runner, The Transporter), and Trevor Finn (Exec. Producer's Assistant, Transporter).

The Guest of Honor

They left the ordering up to me and, of course, I ended up getting WAAAAY to much food.  And, as a result, I ended up eating WAAAAY to much.  However, when I wasn't concentrating on my meal, I did have some great conversations with friends, new and old.

Carl, having a blast!

The Germans! These two were a blast to work with. You can just tell by looking at 'em.

Awwww. Marty G. shows his appreciation. Carl, as always, is equally appreciative.

Jennifer Johnson and Mike Banas, P.I. It was great seeing these two again! Here's hoping we get the chance to work together again in the very near future.

Trevor making the moves on Sarah?! Alex is gonna kick his ass!

Us

Alex and Carl, deep in discussion. Or complaining about something.

The gang. One side of the table.

The gang. The other side of the table.

Trevor helps himself to all the leftovers. Apparently, he's billeting an El Salvadoran family of 12.

The walk back walk kind of chilly and Carl, always the gentleman, ended up giving Akemi his jacket. For the record, I was equally cold but he made no move to give me his shirt.

We said our goodbyes outside the hotel.  When Akemi told Carl "I"ll miss you.", she was practically in tears.  He's become a favorite of hers over these past few months, now only second only to Bubba.

Another goodbye dinner of sorts tonight.  Followed by a goodbye lunch tomorrow, then another goodbye dinner, and a goodbye dim sum on Sunday.

So, the other day I went through the trouble of getting fingerprinted as part of this sponsorship thing I'm doing for Akemi.  As it turned out, it wasn't my prints they needed.  It was hers.  When Akemi asked why, I informed her it was to cross-check the existing criminal database to ensure she wasn't one of these crazed black widow femme fatales who hook up with trusting gaijin and then murder them in their sleep or while on one of those celebrity cruises.  I watched her very carefully when I explained this and, so far as I could see, she neither flinched nor looked nervous.  Innocent or cool professional?  Guess we'll find out.

On the way back, we happened by a tiny little shop called Prairie Girl Bakery (Prairie Girl Bakery – Toronto's best cupcake – featuring Mini …).  We picked up a half-dozen mini cupcakes (for their superior icing to cake ratio) and elected to sample one before heading out.  And then another.  And another.  And another. By the time we were done, we WERE DONE.  All of them.  We should have simply saved the cost of the box and requested the staff hand feed us instead.

The website proclaims it "Toronto's Best Cupcake".  Well, being a veteran of the Vancouver and Montreal cupcake-eating scene, I would go so far as to call them "Canada's best cupcake".  We tried a variety: vanilla bean butter icing with toasted coconut, lemon butter icing, chocolate cream cheese icing, peanut butter icing, Rebecca's red velvet cupcake with classic cream cheese icing, and, the weekly special, chocolate with pumpkin pie spices and cinnamon butter icing. They were all great, but the toasted coconut, peanut butter, and red velvet stood out in particular.  My only quibble was that the lemon butter icing wasn't lemony enough.

Decisions, decisions...

Anyway, once we were done, we prepared to head out.  But not before picking up two more – a fantastic carrot cake with classic cream cheese icing for Akemi, and another chocolate-peanut butter for me.  As we were leaving, we said goodbye to the gals behind the counter and told them we'd see them tomorrow.  They left, perhaps assuming we were kidding.

Of course, I should be mindful of past experience and not overdue it. Today, while we were out running errands, Akemi asked me – as she's wont to do when we're out walking – to tell her an interesting story.  I told her about the summer camp I attended way back in my youth.  Every day, the campers could take advantage of something called "tuck" which essentially amounted to a 30 minute opportunity for confectionary excess.  For exactly a half an hour after lunch, we could purchase any of a variety of sweets from a specific shop.  After the half hour was up, it was back to the drudgery of sing-alongs, nature walks, and the lake's leech-infested waters.  On my first day, I'd enjoyed an ice cream sandwich.  Enjoyed it so much, in fact, that it was all I could think of in the intervening hours between tuck sessions.  The next day, I enjoyed another ice cream sandwich – and went back for a second, only to discover I'd exceeded my 30 minute window of opportunity. Well, I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.  The following day, I knew that one ice cream sandwich would not suffice.  So I bought a few extras.  I was feeling fairly sated after the second one but started on the third anyway.  By the time I got to the fourth, I was pretty full – but the ice cream was melting and I couldn't let it go to waste.  I tried to give away my fifth sandwich.  There were no takers.  So I ate it as well.  I haven't had an ice cream sandwich since.

So, my question for you guys is: What makes you sick?  What food item did you so overdue, at some point in your past, that you can barely stomach it today?

September 22, 2011: One final trip to Guelph for Maximus! Mailbag!

Today, we took Maximus for his last visit to University of Guelph's small animal hospital.  He finished up his radiation treatments two weeks ago and, this morning, he was in for one of his last anti-cancer vaccines.  While the initial results of the radiation treatment were encouraging in that we saw a shrinkage in the mass of the tumor, ensuing treatments had little effect and, eventually, the tumor returned to it's original size suggesting a particularly aggressive melanoma. According to the radiation oncologist, our best shot now is that the anti-cancer vaccine encourages his immune system to fight the cancer.  Positive results would manifest themselves in 2-3 months after the initial vaccine – which was two months ago.

When we get back to Vancouver, I'll take him to a holistic vet and see what they can recommend for my little guy.

This is Maximus's routine. We check in and he immediately goes into hiding, no doubt hoping no one will notice him under there.

We leave Maximus for a couple of hours and kill time at the local mall. Akemi enjoys a cappuccino. Or, should I say, Akimmy.

For lunch, I had a subpar gyro and a doughnut medley for dessert. Double chocolate all the way!

Maximus is usually fairly sedate, but he is at his most excited when we pick him up after treatment. Here he is looking downright hopeful.

And happy here. He knows we're going home.

He and Jelly are sun hogs. Can't wait to get back to Vancouver and see the two of them settling back into their routine of lying side by side in the backyard.

Mailbag:

kabra writes: "Does she see us Westerners as an odd sort? What was her biggest adjustment?"

Answer: Funnily enough, her biggest adjustment was the customer service here in North America.  Let's just say it's a little less professional here than it is in Japan.  One of the things she found particular odd was the post-purchase exchange.  She would say "Thank you" and the salesperson would respond "You're welcome".  In Japan, she would say "Thank you" and the salesperson would say "Thank you" back.  For the life of her, she couldn't understand why people were saying "You're welcome", as if they were doing her a favor, when, in fact, she was the one helping them out by shopping at their store.  I explained that the employee mindset is very different here than it is in Japan.  In Japan, employees consider themselves part of the company they work for, so they ARE thankful for your business.  In North America, employees are hired guns with no real loyalty to the company they work for, so they couldn't care less whether you shop there or not – unless, of course, they're swinging some sort of commission on the sale.

archersangel writes: "i support an akemi Q&A too, but maybe start her off slow with 1 or 2 questions first."

Answer: I floated the idea today and she loved it.  I also suggested we do a regular Ask Akemi advice column to get her unique Japanese take on matters of burning interest to the readers of this blog.  She said she'd think about it.

James Runciman writes: "Joe, i'm a moderator for alvaro's comicboards (www.comicboards.com)
and i was wondering if you'd like to do a q+a for us if your interested?"

Answer: Sure.  How to proceed?

James Runciman also writes: "i was also wondering what other project you'd like to eventually go on to?
what kind of influences would you say you've had for dark matter?"

Answer: Future projects?  Not sure.  Paul and I are entertaining several possibilities.  Ideally, however, we'd love to do our own show – preferably Dark Matter which launches in comic book form in January and which we'll be going out to pitch as a television series soon after.  As for influences for Dark Matter? Hmmm.  Tough to say.

Jasper writes: "1.) Do you walk around with a notebook allday to make notes for your blog/writing assignments?"

Answer: Nope, it's all in my head.  Which is why I get it wrong half the time.

"2.a) you mentioned that you have a Home Theatre, Did you build it your self or did you have a company working on it?
2.b)Can you show us some pix/ tech spec's of the room
2.c)what are tech spec's of the room and equipment"

Answer: I hired a company to build it.  Pics and specs will have to wait until I'm back in Vancouver.

"3.a)Do you have a 3D projector and what do you think of the 3D revolution that is going on.
3.b)Do you think that ,in time tv shows will be broadcasted in 3D, that it will add something extra for you as writer to keep in mind while writing the stories?"

Answer: Honestly?  I think it's a fad.  3D productions are nothing new, only the technology and experienced has changed.

iom666 writes: "Oh medical exam ?? so that means you're the sponsor for Akemi's permanent residency permit ?"

Answer: That's the plan.

September 21, 2011: More Akemi-isms! Today – the breakdown! Mailbag!

"Tastes like old taxi driver."  - Akemi on the gazpacho we had at Origin

"Tastes like Santa Claus's socks." – Akemi on foie gras.

While in Toronto, we were visiting my elderly aunt when the conversation turned to cell phone plans.  Mom, miffed, suggested my sister and I change the topic of conversation to something my Auntie Jeanette could talk about too.  We were at a loss.  Finally, my aunt: "Let's talk about coffins."

An awkward lull and then Akemi piped up: "I like cappuccino!"

"Not coffee,"I informed her.  "Coffins."

Akemi: "What difference?"

Today broke down thusly:

8:00 – 9:00 – Wake up, check my fantasy football waiver wire pick-ups (dropped the disgraceful Cadillac Williams for Dexter McCluster, fumblesome Greg Salas for Tennesse's Nate Washington, and ineffective Marshawn Lynch for Miami's Daniel Thomas), shower, walk the dogs, feed the dogs, go over some of the documents for Akemi's sponsorship.  I can't believe how many forms we need to fill out.  I'm convinced our lawyer didn't tell us for fear we would be discouraged by the veritable mountain of applications, bio requests, and questionnaires.

9:00 – 10:00: Photocopy personal info, print up rare dated photos of Akemi and me (thank goodness for her facebook friends) and then date and offer details on exactly where we were, what we were doing, and who we were doing it with.

Stopped by the gas station to check my tire pressure because the tire pressure warning light went off in my car.  Pressure looks okay, but I topped off the tires anyway.  Warning light still on.  It wouldn't concern me so much if I didn't have to drive all the way to Guelph and back tomorrow for Maximus's anti-cancer vaccine.

Went (ran) to the optometrist and picked up Akemi's contact lenses.  Boring old two-weeks, no violets or teals or those ones that make your pupils enormous.

10:30 – Drop off Jelly at the vet's for her stem cell treatment.  I find it amazing that Peyton Manning has to go all the way to Europe to get a similar treatment while our dogs can get theirs here in North America.  With terrific results.  My 12 year old pug went from being unable to walk to run-wobbling down carpeted corridors.  Thank you, Vet-Stem (Vet-Stem | Dog Arthritis Stem Cell Therapy | Horse Tendon Ligament).

11:00 – Accompany Akemi to her medical (another sponsorship-related hoop).  She was extremely nervous about having her blood drawn.  Beyond the curtain, I could hear her conversation with the concerned nurse -

Akemi: Will it hurt?

Nurse: I'm not going to lie to you.  It may a bit.  (Okay make a fist)

Akemi: (unintelligible fretting)

Nurse: Have you heard the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Akemi: Ah.  I know Yogi Bear!

1:00 – Down the wire, then a mad dash back downtown for a meeting at the Space offices.  They kind of reminded me of the Nickelodeon offices.  A nice sit down with Rebecca DiPasquali.  They've got a lot of interesting shows poised to go.  On my out, we ran into Ajay Fry, co-host of the fabulous InnerSPACE. Told him how much I enjoyed the show and thanked him and the gang for doing such a great job of supporting the Stargate franchise for many years.

2:00 – Drop off documents with the lawyer.  There, I'm informed that the fingerprint check I endured last week should have actually been for Akemi.  On the bright side, I apparently don't have a criminal record.

2:30 – Meet blog regular Penny for some hot chocolate and chocolates.  She's very sweet.  Akemi: "I like her a lot!".

4:00 -Back home, on the phone with my agents and various other interested parties.

4:30 – Pick up Jelly from the vet clinic.  Have to say, we'll really miss Dr. Juan Elduayen, one of the most knowledgeable and compassionate vets to ever treat my dogs.  Thanks to Juan and the rest of the gang at The Front Street Animal Hospital (including Cynthia, Chelsey and hospital mascot Ollie).

Left the vet clinic to discover I got a ticket.  And, it was raining.

5:30 – Walk the other three dogs.  Following Lulu's lead, Maximus has adopted the annoying habit of stopping and staring at people until they pay attention to him.  Last night, we walk by a couple in the middle of a heated argument.  Maximus stops and stares up at the angry blond with his big, soulful eyes.  I give him a tug.  He responds by lying down, not taking his eyes off the woman until she notices him.  The couple stop arguing and spend the next ten minutes fawning over Maximus – and Lulu who quickly seizes the opportunity to shoehorn her way in there as well.

Get waylaid by a surprise phone call on our way to pick up dinner.  Akemi grows increasingly miffed as I offer a long line of "No comments".  Finally, we head inside and order oxtail, jerk chicken, and plantain.

6:00 – 6:30 – Dinner.  Turn down a crazy trade offer that would have seen me give up Roddy White and Jahvid Best for Jordy Nelson and Shonn Greene.  I mean, come on!

7:00 – Start working on my blog.

7:57: Start fielding your mailbag questions.

Dr. D writes: "Have you done or thought about doing a Q&A on Dark Matter?"

Answer: I'll definitely be doing a Q&A in support of my comic book series Dark Matter (for Dark Horse) after the first issue comes out in January.  My editor, Patrick Thorpe, informs me the solicitation for the first issue will appear in the November Previews.  Watch for it!

Dr. D also writes: "Do you use or know of any computer programs that help with organizing ideas for writing stories?

Answer: I use a simple beat sheet or outline to organize my story ideas.  Other writes I know prefer to use index cards.  Sorry, don't know of any software programs that would help in this regard.

Airelle writes: "Joe how was Max's dr visit? Is all your packing just about done? Is Akemi excited to go back to Van?"

Answer: Maximus heads in for his next anti-cancer vaccine tomorrow.  Far from finished packing.  And, yes, Akemi is very excited to head back to Van. First stop: Bella Gelateria.

BMc writes: "Joe, is the outline for the Tara Yelland Project done yet?"

Answer:  No way.  This isn't your run-of-the-mill network pilot.  This is the Tara Yelland Project!  Not something I can just dash off in a couple of months.

kabra writes: "I'm back, well never really left, I had been periodically reading your blog, just been so stressed and too busy to reply to anything, BUT now I have quit my abusive job!!!"

Answer: Congrats (I hope)!  Life's Too Short!

Mike Ferguson writes: "The reason I'm writing is because I recently graduated and am looking to take my next step. I would appreciate any advice you might have for someone wanting to get into the television industry.  I have considered moving to be in a better location for work, but was curious about which city might be the best place 'to be', in your opinion. LA, Vancouver, or somewhere else?"

Answer: Best location?  LA by far.  Head down, get an agent, start making connections.

Mike Ferguson writes: "I recall you mentioning that writing for animation was a good way to get into the writing scene, but I'm not sure where to start."

Answer: Do a little research.  Check out some Saturday morning television and take note of the production studios.  Contact them about writing opportunities on their various shows.  Have some writing samples standing by and ready to show.

Duptiang. writes: "The food looks great, but sounds so different. It is not something I would knowingly order, except the macaroons. Ever think of setting up some sort of food tour?"

Answer: Would love to lead a Vancouver (or Tokyo) food tour.  Who's in?

8:14 – Head down to the gym after being guilted by Akemi, realize Survivor is on and gripe about missing it, head back to the gas station and check the air pressure in all four tires, notice the tire pressure warning light is still on (Akemi: "Maybe if we drive like this tomorrow we will be passed away."), walk all four dogs at once.

9:36 – Resume answering mailbag questions…

Lloyd67 writes: "Do you know what the staff are doing Stargate since the end of the series?"

Answer: Some.  Writer/Exec. Producer Carl Binder is finishing work on Transporter.  Exec. Producers Brad Wright and Robert Cooper are back on the west coast, working on their own projects.  Writer/Supervising Producer Alan McCullough is about to start a gig on Lost Girl.  Alex Levine is working on Flashpoint. Martin Gero and Jewel Staite are working on Highland Gardens.

Penny writes: "What will Carl be up to after Friday? Is he heading also to Vancouver or elsewhere?"

Answer: Carl is homeward bound – not BC but California.

Sylvia writes: "Great story about the meds. and Auntie Jeanette looks much more spry than I do and I'm quite a bit younger. hmmmm. And, what is the secret of her youth and energy?"

Answer: Eating sensibly, walking every day, and bathing in the blood of twenty virgins.

JeffW writes: "So how did the Snowmonkies do?"

Answer: Sadly, my Snow Monkeys lost.  Their record now stands at 1-1.  We bounce back this weekend against the Autodrafts.

DP writes: "Have you tried buckeyes yet?"

Answer: Not yet.  It's on my list of things to do along with my quarterly tax installment and "be a better person".

Duptiang. writes: "Joe, I remember watching the out takes for from Morpheous from the DVD. It was a fine spooky show. Claudia is a fabulously and funny actress. I loved her off handed dark comic work in Farscape. However, I never understood the design with the Chem Suits. The head piece just seemed to be poor design, to include the internal lights. I would have thought they would have washed out the vision of the actors."

Answer: Those internal lights were an issue throughout the franchise run.  While they didn't make sense dramatically, they did serve a purpose from a production standpoint: illuminating our actors' faces and in some cases countering the wash-out effects of the reflective exterior lights.  And we weren't the only ones guilty of this.  You'll notice similar interior lights in many movie space and hazmat suits.

Nancy Bienville writes: "Then I find out The Stargate Series has been completely canceled…
With that being said, and putting my emotions on the shelf for a minute, I want to thank you and everyone who worked on the show to make it what it was….."

Answer: Much appreciated.

maggiemayday writes: "Oooh, cufflinks. Do they give you super-powers?"

Answer: Not sure.  I plan to test my flying ability this weekend.  Wish me luck!

September 20, 2011: Actress, Assistant, Stand-in, and Nemesis Tara Yelland Answers Your Questions!

Today, I turn this blog over to my east coast arch-nemesis, Tara Yelland for her much-anticipated Q&A.  Tomorrow, I hit the mailbag to answer your questions. Hopefully.

Over to Tara…

TY: A note on the portrait: I'm not sure all of you fully realized this, but I drew that thing WITH MY EYES CLOSED! Try it! You'll see that it's not easy! And I did a pretty darned good job, I'd say. And yes, while Joe may not technically be bald, I do think of him as a bald man.

Also, why is my face so fat?

LisaR writes: "1) Where did you get the outfit in the second picture?"

TY:Mostly from an amazing costume shop–coincidentally, called "Amazing Party and Costume". The skirt and tights are from American Apparel.

Look at her, all sassy and such.

"2) What is Joe's most interesting quality??"

TY: I really can't believe that he manages to write a blog every day. That's dedication! I hope you're all appreciative.

Michael writes: "You seem to have a wicked sense of humor, so any stories or jokes you'd be willing to share for a laugh?"

TY: No.

PBmom writes: "1. I saw on IMDB you were in the series Odyssey 5– good show — another show cancelled before its time. Are you a fan of science fiction?"

TY: Not particularly. It's not a genre that I've ever really embraced. I do enjoy the idea of dressing up in costumes and going to fan-expos though.  And, to be completely honest with you all, I've never seen a single frame of Stargate. Maybe when Transporter ends and I'm unemployed again, I'll have a marathon viewing session.

"2. What is a typical day like for you?"

TY: I drink a lot of coffee, I eat a lot of cheese, I walk around set and chat like I'm at a cocktail party…and very occasionally, I do some standing in.

Drinking her "coffee". That smells suspiciously like gin.

"3. Is Joe funny?"

TY: Yes. I mean, not intentionally though…

"4. Do you have pets?"

TY: Yes, a dog named Emma. She's out of her mind, but lovely.

Sooo cute. And she's got Tara's ears!

"5. What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you in your life? (Also Birdy's question, "What was your first job in the industry?")"

TY: I was a precocious 19 year-old, on set of Odyssey 5 as a background performer (extra). My role for the day was as a dead body in the morgue. I had spent about an hour with the special fx makeup team, getting a bad-ass autopsy scar put on my chest. Finally, it's time to go to set– I'm given a spot on a gurney with a sheet pulled over my head. We do a rehearsal; the lead actor, Peter Weller–otherwise known as Robocop– comes over to my gurney, looks under the sheet at me, and continues on his way. We're ready to shoot the scene, they call "rolling"… and suddenly the sheet is pulled back and Peter Weller is standing over me. He says, "hey, wanna be my personal assistant?". I said, "Uhhhhh…". I look over Peter's shoulder and Greg, the AD, is nodding enthusiastically. I said, "what does that entail?", and he said "it's real easy… just phone calls and faxes". I'm dumbfounded. Their shouting on set…clearly waiting on the lead actor to stop talking to me, so I said "can we talk about this after?". He considered this for a moment, then said "sure", and threw the blanket back over my face.

Now, I'm no dummy. I was highly suspicious that this man was offering me a job on the basis of appearance alone. So, like any good 19 year old, I called my mom. She said to go for it. So, I went over and told Peter that I would take the job. He walked me over to the producer and said that I was going to be his new assistant. The producer, Adam, took one look at me and said "no way". But Peter got his way, naturally, and I started the next day.

I am happy to tell you that I had the time of my life for 3 months as Peter's assistant. We got along very well and my fears of being groped on set were needless–in fact, he was very protective of me. Peter is a lovely, intelligent, and funny man. I ended up attending his wedding in Positano, Italy–he married a beautiful, sweet, Southern lady named Sheri.

Peter, who not only starred in Odyssey 5, but directed several episodes, gave me my very first on screen acting role. I played a nurse and had one line. I was terrified and lousy, but it got me in the union.

Tara's past assisting experience comes in handy when I require someone to watch my briefcase.

"6. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?"

TY: Mint chocolate chip, Neapolitan…

"7. What are some of the songs in a current playlist on your IPod/MP3 player?"

TY: From a current playlist:

1-Rolling in the Deep -Adele

2-Good Night – RZA

3-Auditorium – Mos Def

4-You Got Me – The Roots ft. Erykah Badu

5-Shadowboxin' – GZA

6-Street Lights – Kanye

7-Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine

8-On the Vista – Blakroc

9-I've Been Loving You Too Long – Otis Redding

10-Superwoman – Stevie Wonder

Penny writes: "Celebrating my 30th birthday what's the one thing I should do in the next year?"

TY: Something that terrifies and excites you.

THIS terrifies me. Tara offering me something "out of the goodness of her heart".

BillieO writes: "WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM ROLE AT THIS POINT IN YOUR CAREER?"

TY: Well, I'm glad you asked. Now that Joe has a bit more free time, he has given me his word–I think, if I'm not mistaken, he may have even swore on his mother's life–that he will devote his attentions to completing the pilot episode of The Untitled Tara Yelland Project; it will be a fast-paced, sexy, action-adventure/comedy. Look for it in fall of 2012.

In all seriousness, my dream is to just work. Be it commercials, bad  MOWs, or infomercials– I'm the actress for you! There's my pitch. My agent would be proud. Also, I would like to do more comedic roles.

Tara and fellow stand in Robert Morse make it a point to go through every scene each morning, loudly critiquing the dialogue within earshot of the writers.

Patrick Considine writes: "1. What is the best thing about Joe?"

TY: He never fails to make me laugh. Also, he was very kind to all of the crew members on set; he bothered to learn our names, and refrained from calling us "peons" and kicking us as he passed by…he only did that the first week, then Paul made him to stop.

"2. What is the worst thing about Joe?"

TY: The menacing way he tells me he's going to cut me.

"7. What is one thing you could change about yourself/your life/the world?"

TY: I wish I didn't have asthma.

Ponytail writes: "1. Have you gotten to borrow the Audi yet and take it home for the weekend?"

TY: No, and I would be terrified to drive that thing. It's like a misbehaving robot. There's so many buttons and features. I drive a 2005 Chevy Aveo and I'm quite pleased with its ability to take me from point A to point B.

She's got her driving boots on.

"2. Why do you think Joe calls you Lemur-eyes?"

TY: This Sunday, I was with my boyfriend in Kensington Market and we stopped for coffee at this little place. And on the wall was a drawing of a lemur drinking coffee! So of course, I thought I have to take a picture of this for Joe. As evidenced by this photo, I look exactly like a lemur…we both have big eyes…hence the nickname.

Uncanny, no?

"3. Did you have any nicknames for Joe?"

TY: I don't know… Joe? Have I ever given you a nickname? How about Joey McBald? Are you guys sure he's not bald?

"4. Do you have a favorite Transporter: The Series episode yet?"

TY: Yes, episode 103 – "Sharks". It's my favorite episode because I'm in it, playing the sexy Helene…not that I'm biased or anything.

Tara's response to my simple request for her to do some filing. And get me a coffee.

"5. Joe once said you ate 3+ pieces of blueberry pie – more than any of the crew guys. What do you eat to keep so trim?"

TY: The thing that you all need to realize about Joe is that he's a liar. Well, that's a strong word…he's an exaggerator, who tells you a fabricated version of the truth (i.e. liar). I had one piece of pie, and I was forced to eat it. He threatened to fire me if I didn't eat the pie and pretend to enjoy it. Tyrant…

Does this look like the face of someone who DIDN'T have three pieces of pie?

"6. Who is your favorite cast or crew member?"

TY: Well that's tough. There are a lot of fun people on set. My stand in partner, Robert, deserves an honorable mention. He makes me laugh and puts up with me, even when I'm cranky.

Homeless Rob

"7. Do you have a favorite Steampunk writer?"

TY: Not at all. The photos that Joe posted were from a friend's wedding that had a steampunk theme.  I had never even heard of it prior to that. I do enjoy the style though.

"8. Did Joe "not-Paul" ever get on your nerves? What was he doing?"

TY: Oh, sure. He talks incessantly. When Joe was on set, he would seek me out so that he could natter away about nothing in particular, holding me captive like a prisoner, while I was trying to pay attention to the monitors. The A.D.s, whose job it is to keep the set quiet, would shoot me dirty looks and shush *ME* because they can't tell the producer to keep it down. Joe, being aware of this, would just talk louder. Tyrant.

She always seems to suffer these mystery migraines when I'm talking to her.

SiSi writes: "1. Do you like to read? If so, what are some of your favorite books/authors?"

TY: Yes, I do. A fun fact about Tara Yelland–I have an M.A. in English (literary criticism) from UofT. My favourite books, in no particular order: The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger, Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters – J.D. Salinger, The Sound and the Fury  – William Faulkner, The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Invisible Man – Ralph Ellison, A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole. The last book I read was Tina Fey's autobiography, Bossypants; it was very funny and offers some interesting insights into being a woman in the entertainment industry, as well as being a "boss".

"2. What TV show(s) would you most like to guest star on?"

TY: Mad Men or Game of Thrones.

"3. What do you enjoy most and least about being a stand-in?"

TY: I enjoy meeting talented, creative, funny people…and I enjoy having a job that feeds me at work– if I had to feed myself, I would probably starve. There's a great many things I dislike about being a stand in, but what I like the least is the the lack of expectations and challenges placed upon me. It's too easy to become bored and complacent…I'm sure many people could say this of their jobs. On the best of days, I think: "wow, I can't believe I'm getting paid for this". On the worst of days, I think: "they're not paying me enough to endure this".

Tara and Rob in sunnier times.

Birdy writes: "3) Was there ever anything besides acting you considered doing for living?"

TY: If I were creative, interesting, or clever, I would be a writer.

"5) What is your favourite dish?"

TY: The first conversation I ever had with Joe was about food. He asked me to recommend a good restaurant in Toronto and I immediately informed him that he was asking the wrong person. I am not a foodie. In fact, I don't even care about food. I like things plain–no fancy weirdness in my food, thanks. So favorite dish? Pizza.

She says she doesn't care about food but she sure as hell seemed to care when I walked in with some Booster Juice, practically knocking me down to get at it.

"6) Do you actually know how hot you look in a leather jacket?"

TY: I try my best.

Tam Dixon writes: "Dog or cat person? Where are you from? Where would you like to live most?"

TY: Cat person, but current dog owner. I am from Toronto. I would like to live in New York City…or some sort of tropical island paradise.

Noelm writes: "Now that Joe is losing you as nemesis, what qualities would you advise him to look for in a new nemesis?"

TY: Joe is not losing me. I will haunt his life for years to come. Don't forget: The Untitled Tara Yelland Project, coming fall of 2012.

"What is involved in being a stand-in?"

TY: Set ups can take a long time, so rather than have the actors lose their energy waiting around, they use stand ins. We watch the actors rehearse the scene and remember what they do, and then we work with the camera and lighting departments to set the shot in place of the actors.

Watching the rehearsal. And, evidently, the Kentucky Derby.

"What would you like to be doing professionally five years from now?"

TY: Consistently working as an actor.

September 19, 2011: I need a less comfy car! Snow Monkeys in trouble! Pet pics!

I can lie awake in bed for hours, waiting to fall asleep, but put me in a meeting and I can doze off in no time at all.  In addition to meetings, I've found that other snoozy-worthy environments include the back seat of a bus, during a late afternoon viewing of a mix, and any dinner outing at which someone feels the need to open up about a recent relationship gone wrong.  And, after today, I'm going to add "while driving from Montreal to Toronto" to that list.  Fortunately, the staccato burst of shoulder gravel impacting the underside of my SUV was enough to rouse me from my deep slumber.  And, at one point, I was actually considering driving cross-country back to Vancouver!

Uh oh

A pretty good weekend for my Snow Monkeys (seeking supremacy in the R.I.P. Stargate fantasy football league).  Despite some monster stats from the likes of Adrian Peterson, Jahvid Best, and Ryan Fitzpatrick (who I started over Romo, thank you very much), it looks like we're going down to the wire.  We're down 20 points (thanks to Miles Austin and Michael Turner) but have an opportunity to wrack up some points in tonight's Monday night tussle.  He's got Giant RB Ahmad Bradshaw.  I counter with Rams RB Cadillac Williams (a late waiver wire addition when I heard Jackson went down) and Giants #1 WR Hakeem Nicks. It's gonna be close!  Our friend (and former Stargate Special Features Producer) Ivon Bartok faces a similar scenario.  His team, The Running Dead, need Mike Sims-Walker to come up big and get the 20 points required to pull of a week 2 win.  Wish us luck!

Some snaps from the weekend…

Lulu says "Pass the biscotti!"

Baby. Adorable, no?

Mom's dog #1: Felix. Or, as I like to call him, Barky Barkerson.

Mom's dog #2: Caramel. She adopted him so he already came named. Caramel! Who would name their male dog Caramel?

Lulu fluffs up her new favorite pillow. Baby cat.

Maximus protects his kill.

The pugs relax will Ringu's Sadako works on her laptop.

Maximus works on his nice, even tan.

Sis's dog #1: Aspen (aka Sneezy).

One of Sis's innumerable cats: Rapini.

Another one of Sis's innumerable cats: Chantilly.

September 18, 2011: Dogs on vacation! My Auntie Jeanette! Sampling Montreal's finest! Au Pied de Cochon!

I'm not the only who's enjoying the time off.  My dogs seem to be having a grand old time at mom's place, making the most of her comfy couches…

Lulu finds that cats make the best head rests.

Bubba enjoys some long overdue R&R.

Today, we headed east to pay a visit to my Auntie Jeanette.  At 93, she's still as chatty as ever.  I remember, back when my grandmother was still alive (my grandmother who lived to 112 by the way), my aunt used to pick up her meds for her.  One day, when she went by the pharmacy for a pick-up, the pharmacist handed her the meds and started giving her very specific instructions: "Now, when you take these pills, you have to take them with food – "

"Oh, they're not for me,"my aunt informed him.  "They're for my mother."

"Sure they are,"said the pharmacist, no doubt assuming my elderly aunt had lost her mind.  "They're for your mother…"

Auntie Jeanette always comes armed with a story about a friend of a friend of some friend...

Akemi does the rounds.

We had dinner reservations at my fave Montreal restaurant, Au Pied de Cochon.  But we got downtown early to hit a few places: Fouvrac (where I picked up some maple chocolate), Rhubarbe (a little pasty shop where we enjoyed a buttery mille-feuille), and Point G (where I had a terrific pistachio macaron – and bought a half dozen for good measure).

Me and my macarons.

And then, it was dinner time!

Sis and Daisy

The crosmesquis with their liquid center foie gras.

Foie gras poutine.

Sushi Cake: scallops, tuna, tobiko, avocado, cucumber, and nori. Not the type of dish I'd think to order here - it was Akemi's choice - but it was surprisingly good (although a little heavy on the mayo).

My sister and I split the confit pig's head. Okay, but it didn't come close to the Refuel version I enjoyed last year.

I was really looking forward to the Pouding de Chomeur for dessert – only to be told it wasn't on the menu.  Apparently, the restaurant uses their own maple syrup for the dish and, since they were out of their own maple syrup, they elected not to take it off the menu.  Very disappointing.  Their pecan pie for 2 was fine, but their lemon meringue tart was another pleasant surprise.

And tomorrow, we're Toronto-bound.  A big week lies ahead: Jelly goes in for her stem cell booster, Maximus goes in for his anti-cancer vaccine, and we bid a fond see-you-later to Carl who wraps up his Toronto stint on Friday.

September 17, 2011: Okay, a lot to get through! Let's get started…

A full day today.  Let the pictures tell the story…

Some of you have asked how all the dogs are getting along.  Well, I'm happy to report: "Great!".  We adopted a go-slow approach, introducing members of my gang one at a time, starting best behaved to worst…

Maximus is by far the gentlest and easiest-going of the pack. He'll sniff a greeting, give a wag of his tail, and then be on his way - that's about as excited as he gets. He'll keep his cool in the face of even the barkingest of big dogs.

Lulu may be tough, but she's actually very sweet. Sure, she's interested in meeting other dogs, but her priority is sucking up to people in order to garner maximum attention. Good with other dogs but, surprisingly, prefers to stick with those she knows (ie. Bubba).

Jelly is the alpha female of the pack and likes to set the ground rules. She can be a bit bossy and likes to order the bigger dogs around, but shown proper deference, she is incredibly friendly.

The crazy one! When on leash, he'll put on the tough guy act, barking and howling at any dog in sight. Off-leash, he's a bit of a chicken - and fairly well-behaved if he sees that the rest of the pack are cool with the situation.

Anyway, yes, my dogs get along well with mom's dogs and cat.  That being said, I don't think Felix and Caramel are that enthusiastic about having guests.  They're like the long-time members of a country club that's opened its doors to riff-raff out-of-towners.  They prefer to spend much of their days upstairs on mom's bed, leaving my gang the run of the downstairs.  And Baby cat.

Last night, Akemi stayed up late to assist mom in making pie and pasta…

Mom rolls out the dough.

She cuts up the dough into individual squares.

The dough squares are put through the pasta machine - stretched and flattened.

Twice!

The sheets are used for the lasagna. Mom then shifts her focus to rolling her handmade orechiette.

And voila!

The finished dish!

Today was a family reunion of sorts as I got together with my cousins Paul and Marco (and uncle Vic) who I haven't seen in almost seven years!

Cousins Paul and Marco. Both single, ladies.

Uncle Vic. Shades of a young Uncle Junior!

Paul mans the grill.

Friends visiting from Italy.

Marco and Akemi. BTW - Marco = HUGE Stargate fan. He was NOT very happy with SyFy's decision to cancel the show.

Me and the kids (Jake, Erica, and Logan - apparently named after a certain Uncanny team member).

We were so stuffed that Sis ended up canceling our dinner reservations.

Sis

Akemi gets a present from Sis.

And check out what Sis got me. Early birthday cufflinks. And not just any cufflnks. From left to right: Iron Man, Wolverine, Spiderman, and the Hulk.

Okay, equally big day tomorrow.  Off to get some sleep.  But first…

Today's entry is dedicated to birthday gals Debra and Penny, and Daryl and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter who will be tasting bitter defeat at the claws of my fearsome Snow Monkeys tomorrow (and Monday night).

September 16, 2011: Tara Yelland wants to hear from you! Road Trip!!!

Look at her, all Hollywood!

Yesterday, I receive an email from my old friend/onset nemesis Tara.  She wrote: "o pass the time on set, I'm playing a game called "Blind Portrait"; I approach people on set and ask if they would like their portrait drawn by me–but it has to be done with my eyes closed. I'm quite brilliant at it. I didn't want you to feel left out, so here is a photo of the one I drew of you. I've annotated it for clarity. I've also signed it. It'll be worth a great deal some day.  Anyway, your schnitzel stories have been boring me, so I thought this might help spice up your blog. I'm sure your readers will note the resemblance."

Intrigued, I clicked on the attachment, half-expecting a nasty virus would be instantly uploaded onto my computer.  Instead, this is what greeted me (and, possibly, a trojan virus)…

A couple of points.

1. She does a nice job of capturing my soulless eyes and mocking smile.  Most photos don't even do them justice.

2. Why am I bald?

3. My shirts are, of course, not ridiculous but very tasteful.  I received many compliments from Damion in the costume department.  Of course, sometimes, Damion also wears a kilt to work.

4. Not sure about the collar.  Mine are less starchy, much more relaxed to compliment my equally relaxed personality.

5. Maximus is a nice addition and he appreciates being included.

Portrait of the artist as a young nerd.

Anyway, I thought it might be fun to turn this blog over to Tara – actress, publicist, and most loquacious stand-in in North America (a 54 year old Belgian holds the European distinction) – by having you grill her.  When I told her I wanted her to do a Q&A, she thought I was kidding little realizing that I NEVER KID. She eventually agreed but insisted I overestimated reader interest in her.   Silly, no?

Prove her wrong.  Post your questions for the lovely (kinda weird) Miss Yelland.

How much does Bubba love doggy daycare?  THIS much -

Well, thanks to all the computer experts who weighed in.  Holding the power button for 20 seconds did, indeed, force a shutdown – and when my laptop restarted, my dock and desktop icons were restored.  Many thanks for your help.  And, hey, while I've got your attention, my car keeps making this knocking sound…

I am writing this blog entry from sunny (but windy) Montreal.  We made the trip in record time, shaving about an hour off the Garmin's ETA and arriving just in time for lunch…

The kids were incredibly well-behaved. Not once did they ask "Are we there yet?".

Apparently, dog butts make better pillows than...er...pillows.

Lunch with mom.

The spread: home made pizza, pickled eggplant, crab mousse, sweet and spicy peppers.

Lamb, ribs, and sweet and spicy sausage.

Home made Milanese salami from - where else? - Milan.

I finally got the chance to pass along a gift for mom, compliments of blog regular Shirt 'n 'Tie.  He managed to secure an autographed copy of Circle of Friends signed by mom's favorite author, Maeve Binchy.  It was MUCH appreciated.

Thanks, Paul!

@iom666 – Thanks for the invite but I'm only in town for three days, on the West Island, and my schedule is packed with visits to relatives.  I return for a lengthier stay at year's end.  Maybe then?