Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 410

October 11, 2014: Cookie Monster reviews Kick Ass 2!

Watching dis movie be like getting together wit former girlfriend after several years.  You tink it be a great idea but, when show up for date, you diskover she really let herself go, embittered wit life, and spend most of evening telling tasteless jokes and trying to sell you on Amway.  At end of de night, you go home feeling sad, cheap, and gross.  Also poorer becuz you bought box of multivitamins and six pack of men’s fragrance dat smell like eau de Grover’s toilet.

Yo, Kick-Ass.  Try to keep up.

Movie open on Hit Girl and Dave (aka Kick-Ass) in training.  He a wimp but she tuffening him up by beating de living crap out of him and, occasionally, shooting him.  Dey going to be de greatest team-up since Punisher and Archie!  UNTIL Hit Girl’s step dad make her promise to give up superheroing and just be a normal girl. Haha!  Right.  De Hit Girl we know from last movie would never agree so…Oh.  She does agree?  Haha!  Right.  But de Hit Girl we know from last movie might agree but would never really give up being a superhero…Oh.  She does?

Yes, for some reason, she agree and den spend big chunk of movie “trying to fit in” wit other high schoolers.   Dis plot development offer plenty of opportunities for hilarious fish-out-of-water scenes as Hit Girl try to akt like a normal teen. Unfortunately, it make absolutely no sense.  It be totally out of charakter for de Hit Girl we knew from last movie but,  luckily, cliquey high school girls also akt totally out of charakter, inviting her to a sleepover and convincing her to try out for dance team.  While she desperately trying to fit and hilarity ensuing, monster wonder: “What happened to terrific rebellious kid from last movie?”.

Alrighty, den!

Meanwhile, Dave, aka Kick-Ass, team up wit lame amateur vigilante superheroes lead by Ace Ventura.

You! Gimme de cash!  You!  Spank me!

Meanwhile, Chris D’Amico, aka Red Mist, come out of retirement and don his dead mom’s S&M ensemble to become…De MUDDERFUCKER!  He also assemble his own lame amateur super villain team.

Scenes of extreme violence ensue but, unlike original, no fun to be had here.   In first movie, action sekwences enjoyable becuz it feature incongruous kid taking out bad guys.  In dis movie, we instead treated to action sekwences of bad guys killing cops in gruesome fashion.  Hohoho!   And, later, Ace Ventura.  Hahahaha!   Oh, and Dave’s dad.  Heeheehee!  At one point, Mudderfucker unable to assault a girl becuz he can’t get erektion!  And it all played for laughs.

Eventually, Hit Girl come out of retirement and join rest of superheroes in warehouse showdown against supervillains.  Ho hum.

Sorry about getting your dad killed, dude.

Bad guys are defeated and all is forgiven.  Even Todd, Dave’s high school buddy, who joined Team Supervillain, revealed Kick Ass’s true identity, and was direktly responsible for Dave’s dad being murdered, get a pass.  Well, you know what dey say: “Bros before common sense!”

So long and tanks for all de fish sticks.

Hit Girl heads off into the sunset disappearing herself and leaving her step-dad to pick up de pieces of the police investigation into her vigilante past – and, presumably, face jail time for aiding and abetting a murderer.

Not so kick-ass.  Aktually, dumb and depressing.  A sekwel in name only.

VERDIKT: If you loved de first movie, you’ll hate dis one.  But if you hated de first movie, you probably won’t hate dis one as much.

RATING: 4 chocolate chippee cookies – except chocolate chippees actually raisins.  Sucker!

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Kick Ass 2, Kick-Ass 2, superhero moves

October 10, 2014: News of note!

1. I’m back in Vancouver.  And exhausted.  I’ve got seven days to get my crap together, including: banking, car servicing, making arrangements for the house, and making a turducken AND piecaken for this Sunday!

2. The official announcement on my new series is coming.  No, really!  Apparently, Tuesday is the day.

3. Ever wanted to own a figurine of yourself?  Or a figurine of your favorite Executive Producer?  Well check out this place, located right here in Vancouver, where you can pop in, get scanned, and have your very own mini me delivered to you in 72 hours: http://mini-me.ca

4. Comcast goes above and beyond the call of shitty customer service: http://gawker.com/comcast-half-apologizes-to-the-customer-it-allegedly-go-1644252018 

5. 10 t.v. shows that are really creepy if you think about them: http://io9.com/10-tv-shows-that-are-really-creepy-if-you-think-about-t-1644845434

6. Oh, I noticed: http://www.cracked.com/article_21574_5-movie-plans-that-you-didnt-notice-rely-entirely-luck.html

7. “They taste like burning.”  http://www.vulture.com/2014/09/28-simpsons-quotes-every-fan-must-know.html

8. Uh.  Oh.  Okay: http://defamer.gawker.com/nielsen-weve-been-getting-tv-ratings-wrong-since-march-1644853977

9. Pecan pie at the bottom of the list?!  Creamed horns lower than apple fritters?!  Plain croissants at number #1?!  Nonsense!  http://rankings.gawker.com/pastries-ranked-1635451466

10. Pursuant to my recent post about the new Twin Peaks series, here are 10 Things Showtime’s New Twin Peaks Series Needs To Do: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2014/10/post_10.php

11.  Oh.  And THIS re: Golden Boy Marin Gero: http://deadline.com/2014/10/l-a-complex-martin-gero-phoenix-project-cw-849644/

October 9, 2014: Toronto dining!

“Whatever you do,”said my writing partner, Paul, clearly concerned about my penchant for adventurous eating, “don’t order the brains.”

“When was the last time you saw brain on a menu?”I scoffed.

And then, there it was, in the appetizer section: lamb brains.

In retrospect, it shouldn’t have come as that big of a surprise.  After all,  we were dining at Buca, my favorite Toronto restaurant, known for its creative offal offerings.

“No innards,”Paul reminded me as a we perused our menus, squatting to make out the tiny print in the darkened room.  Finally, I gave up and used the flashlight app on my phone.  Yes, I felt old – but not quite so bad as the evening progressed and about a half dozen other diners followed suit.  “Just go ahead and order for us,”said Paul, obviously too proud to use the flashlight function on HIS phone.

There were a lot of very intriguing menu options, but many fell foul of the “no innards” edict.  Eventually, I decided to split the difference by reading aloud slightly altered versions of the dish descriptions.  For instance, the pasta with duck offal ragu became “pasta with duck ragu”!  The revised descriptions proved more palatable to my squeamish writing partner.

A couple of the highlights…

The nod ini: warm bread knots with olive oil, rosemary, garlic, and sea salt.

The crispy pig ears.  Yeah, yeah, I know, but it’s not brains and, technically, not an “innards”.  It’s more of an “outard”.

The bianca pizza with gorgonzola and duck eggs.

And various awesome pasta.  Love that place.

Then, last night, we met up with Brad Wright for dinner at another Italian restaurant in the neighbourhood.  My review: Pizza good, pasta okay, service excellent, slight urine smell.  Not sure about that one.

I was walking the neighborhood today, shopping for necessitates – socks, underwear, towels, a soda stream shaped like a penguin – and noticed A LOT of intriguing dining options in the area.

Tonight, it’s oysters with the director of our first two episodes and then, tomorrow morning, I’m homeward-bound.  And none too soon.  Akemi tells me that Jelly has been restless since I left, up and panting through the night, and has taken to following her around.

 

October 8, 2014: Another day, another round of meetings! Fielding some of your questions!

Today, we interviewed some great Directors of Photography, talked cameras, shooting style, pre-lighting, then sat down with our stunt coordinator and discussed how our characters’  varied personalities are displayed in their respective fighting styles.  After lunch, we visited the art department where the gang had a bunch of goodies awaiting our perusal: designs of the ship corridors, quarters, mess hall, air locks, training room, and bridge.  It’s all coming along nicely.   Tonight, it’s dinner with Brad Wright.  Tomorrow, we sit down with the director of our opening two episodes – and, maybe, in honor of Carl Binder, dinner with our script coordinator at his favorite Toronto restaurant.

Fielding some of your early show-related questions…

arcticgoddess writes: “Since your team is writing scripts a year in advance, what happens if one or more of your actor choices go awry and do not work for your series?”

Answer: This is a very serialized show, so we’re approaching the 13 episode first season as an extended mini-series.  We’re not writing the scripts a year in advance but will have all 13 scripts completed by November – roughly a month a half before the commencement of principal photography – so that we can plan ahead and make the most efficient use of our time and resources.  It also allows us to make adjustments to any of the scripts early, for whatever reason, rather than have to scramble and make last-minute changes that compromise the story.

Bailey writes: “Sometimes actor chemistry just changes things on a show and can’t be predicted.”

Answer: True but, like I said, we know the story we want to tell, but can certainly make adjustments to the various character relations based on performance and onscreen chemistry.  I liken it to adapting a book.  You need to be flexible enough to make necessary changes but you’re not going to overhaul the entire script.

Line Noise writes: “So is there a ready-made production company for you to use in Toronto? Or did you have to build your own? You seem to already have a production team and art department on tap so I assume they come with the studio?”

Answer: Yes, we’re working with a production company here in Toronto.  Over the course of the past couple of days, we met all the department heads and they’re a great bunch.  We’re really looking forward to working with them.

It’s time to play Guess the Show by the Teefury t-shirt!

P.S. Under the terms of the deal as this blog’s resident film critic, Cookie Monster is sitting through Kick-Ass 2.  You can expect an angry review within the next few days.  Screen the movie if you have time and want to commiserate!

October 7, 2014: Moving Forward, Looking Back!

Today, we discussed casting, the budget, locations, post-production, and superheroes.  Okay, maybe that last one was a little off-topic, but still – another productive day.  I have to say I am very pleased with all of the people I’ve met to date.  Super-talented, super-positive, and super-pleasant – I really look forward to working with them.

We’re going to get rolling on casting asap – as soon as I can possibly get the sides out – so I’ll be staying up late, choosing two perfect scenes for each of our seven cast members.

I’m burning the midnight oil – and we’re not even in production yet!

And missing the gang back home…

October 6, 2014: Prep Meetings! Twin Peaks Returns?

I’m exhausted.  I slept fitfully last night because of the time change and then woke up at the crack of dawn – because the morning sun shines unobstructed through a blind-free section of my patio window.  Fortunately, the meetings were plenty interesting enough to keep me wide awake throughout the afternoon.  We started off with our costume meeting in which we discussed wardrobe for our crew, the android, “planet-dwellers”, and corporate guard.  Then, we moved onto the directors’ schedule and nailed down all but the late season two-parter.  We discussed Directors of Photography (we’ll be sitting down with a few over the coming days), then headed downstairs to check out what the Art Department have in the works.  We’ve got a great-looking hero ship and an equally awesome space station design.  The designs for the ship and space station interiors, corridors and rooms, are very clever.  We’re close on the exterior shuttle design but have yet to start work on the interior.  I expect we’ll see more in the coming days – and more in the days to come as we’re about three weeks away from the start of construction.  On deck tomorrow: casting, locations, and post-production.

Oh, and, apparently, the official announcement is coming sometime next week. Unofficially.

Saw this today…

Apparently, the cult series will be returning to television in 2016.  I have mixed feelings about this.  I loved the first delightfully eccentric first season of the show but hated the meandering, ponderous second season.  With the exception of the final episode that ended the series in perfectly depressing fashion.  But, like the conclusion to Blake’s 7, it’s a classic.  I’m not sure what more can be added to the story (like most, I skipped the Fire Walk With Me prequel movie).  And I honestly don’t know if I’d be all that interested in finding out without the quirky Agent Cooper leading the investigation.  But I certainly would love to know what they have planned.

The story apparently picks up 25 years later.  I wonder how many of the original cast they’ll bring back.  Sadly, some of the actors who played a few of my favorite characters have passed away since Twin Peaks arid back in 1990-1991.  Piper Laurie (Pete Martell), Jack Nance (Peter Martell), and, of course, Don S. Davis (Major Garland Briggs).  Don, who, for many years, played the part of General George Hammond on Stargate: SG-1 loved attending the occasional Twin Peaks conventions and meeting his many fans.  One afternoon, he was sitting in my office and told me about the atypical way he was cast for the role of Major Briggs.  According to Don, he went in for an audition.  While waiting for his turn, he struck up a conversation with show co-creator and director David Lynch who was, presumably, on break.  They hit it off immediately and spent a long while talking about fly fishing.  Then, Lynch excused himself.  He had a meeting to attend.  He left and Don inquired about his audition – only to be told that Lynch had left so they wouldn’t be seeing anyone else that day.  Don returned home, upset.  After all, he had spent all that time preparing for an audition that never happened.  He phoned up his agent to complain only to learn that the Twin Peaks production offices had called only moments earlier.  They wanted him for the role!

I have to admit, I was a huge fan of the show back in the day and still have the collector card set back in Montreal.  Among them, this – my favorite card:

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/10/will-the-twin-peaks-reboot-stay-weird/381159/

October 5, 2014: A Toronto Cameo! Saturday mornings without cartoons?! Say it aint so!

So my flight got into Toronto at about 7:00 p.m. local time and it was a half hour later when the driver dropped me off at my new residence.  I had just stepped out onto the sidewalk with my four pieces of luggage when some passing pedestrian stopped and pointed at me, eyes wide, mouth agape, like Donald Sutherland in that last scene from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  “Is that guy pointing at me?”I wondered and, since he obviously was, my next question was: “Who is that guy?”.  It was dark and he was wearing a baseball cap but there was something familiar about him.  And, as I stared back, the wheels turning, I realized: “Hey! That’s the star of Saving Hope!”  And then: “And Stargate: SG-1!”  And finally: “Michael Shanks!  I KNOW him!”

What a surprise!

As it turns out, he was on his way back to his place and happened to spot me. What are the chances? Despite an early call tomorrow morning, he helped me roll my luggage over to my new (temporary) digs, then walked back with me to meet up with my writing partner, Paul, for a brief catch-up session before he called it a night.

Chances are we’ll be crossing paths a lot in the coming months.

It was great to see Michael, great to see he’s doing well, and even greater to know we have a prospective dog sitter for our next Japan trip.  Maybe he can keep them busy by getting them guest spots on his show?

Hey, according to this article -

http://gizmodo.com/this-is-the-first-weekend-in-america-with-no-saturday-m-1642441646

This marked the first weekend in America with no network Saturday morning cartoons.  Several reasons are cited, from the FCC’s politically correct strong-arm tactics to the fact that, nowadays, cartoons are accessible 24/7 through a variety of alternate sources.

But the sad fact remains: this is the end of an era.

I remember waking up early every Saturday morning and racing downstairs with my sister to mainline a septuple feature of animated programming.

At the risk of dating myself, these were my favorite cartoons growing up…

10. THE PINK PANTHER

I had a love-hate relationship with this show.  I enjoyed it enough, but really hated that smug panther.  I always thought he was an incredible jerk and tuned in every weekend in the hopes that he would finally get his comeuppance.  No such luck.  I much preferred The Ant & the Aardvark.

9. ROCKET ROBIN HOOD

There was something quaintly endearing about this cheap-as-hell production whose use and re-use of static images made Ralph Bakshi’s Spiderman look like an elaborate Disney movie by comparison.

8. THE JETSONS

Endless Saturday morning viewings prepared me for a career in science fiction.

7. JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS

I mainly checked it out for Melody.

6. THE ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE SHOW

To be perfectly honest, I came for the Sherman and Mr. Peabody but stayed for the squirrel and moose.

5. FAT ALBERT AND THE COSBY KIDS

I always enjoyed the show up to the point where the gang would play a song at Bill’s behest.

4. SCOOBY-DOO, WHERE ARE YOU?

Its comforting, paint-by-numbers plotting would pre-date shows like House by some forty years, yet prove even more durable.

3. SPIDER-MAN

Okay, full disclosure.  If I was stranded on a deserted island and could have only one incarnation of Spiderman to watch, from his humble t.v. beginnings to his recent big screen forays, I’d pick this version who I always felt was closer to the original comic book representation of the nebbish Peter Parker/quippy Spiderman.

 

2. THE BUGS BUNNY SHOW

A cartoon for grown-ups that kids could enjoy as well.   I own the entire Looney Tunes collection and I still find them equally hilarious today.  It’s sad that, nowadays, kids can only watch censored versions of these brilliant animated shorts.

1. THE FLINTSTONES

Another clever animated series, written for an adult audience but enjoyed by children as well.  Nothing takes me back to my youth like that theme song or those trademark sound effects.

Tagged: cartoons, Stargate: SG-1

October 4, 2014: The Farewell Feasts Begin! The Union! Crackle Creme!

I’m off to Toronto tomorrow, returning Friday.  That gives me eight dinners, roughly fifteen meals (minus the turducken/piecaken extravaganza I have planned for Canadian Thanksgiving next Sunday)  to enjoy in Vancouver before I leave it – for seven months!

Last night, Akemi and I got together with our foodie friends, Nicole and Lan, for the first of our many farewell feasts.  Rather than visit an old favorite, however, I decided to try somewhere new – The Union in the city’s Strathcona district – partly because the menu intrigued, and partly because it’s located steps from Crackle Creme and their varied creme brûlées.

The Union is very casual.  Menu items range from spicy wings to Singapore Laksa. Perfect for sharing.  We ended up ordering – well, a lot.  Some of the highlights…

The Cha Ca Hanoi: fresh snapper, market greens, turmeric chill coconut milk, dill, rice vermicelli, nuoc cham, fresh herbs and scallions.  So good I had to resist the temptation to drink the sauce.

Sweet & Sour Pork Crepes with marinated pulled pork and spicy pineapple slaw. Akemi loved these so much she couldn’t stop talking about them.

Sweet & Sour Fried Fish Banh Mi with spicy sriracha aioli, jalapeños, daikon and carrot pickles, cucumber, and cilantro.  This was the first time I’ve tried a fried fish version of the Vietnamese-style sandwich – and I was completely won over.

In truth, pretty much everything we ate was terrific (crispy pork belly banh mi, Hawk thai chicken wings with sweet and spicy nahm jim glaze, fried pork dumplings with scallion soy dipping sauce) with the exception of the bland Nasi Goreng.

Rather than sample dessert (which I’m sure is excellent), we walked over to Crackle Creme for an assortment of creme brûlées…

Owner Daniel Wong fires ‘em up!

Flavors – clockwise from left to right: Madagascar vanilla bean, lemon basil, ferrero richer, black sesame-matcha cheesecake with mango sauce, Guinness-espresso topped with roasted marshmallows.

While I’m away, I’ll have to enjoy my Vancouver meals vicariously through this site – my favorite local food blog: http://dennisthefoodie.com

The Union: 219 Union St, Vancouver – 604-568-3230

Crackle Creme: 245 Union St, Vancouver – 778-847-8533

Tagged: Crackle Creme, The Union, Vancouver Restaurants

October 3, 2014: Best and Worst Book to Film Adaptations!

Whenever I visit Granville Island to pick up some matcha from that little tea shop, I always ask the woman who serves me: “What are you reading?”.  We discuss and I always complete my purchase by recommending a book.  On my most recent trip, she had just finished reading (and throughly enjoying) one of my recommendations, Karen Joy Fowler‘s We Are Completely Beside Ourselves.   Pleased, I offered her another one: “This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper.”  And then, offer her furrow-browed reaction: “They just made a movie based on the book – but don’t go see it.  Read the book instead!”

“Too late,”she told me, and the look on her face told me that her dissatisfaction with the film ensured she would never pick up the book.  I liken it to suffering food poisoning at an otherwise great restaurant.  After that bad experience, there’s no way you’ll be able to go back and fully enjoy yourself.  Just the smell of cumin or the taste of curry or the sight to Timothy Olyphant is enough to send you running for the exit.

Which is why I have – well, I want to say “mixed feelings”, but they’re not really mixed at all, so let’s go with – “homogenous feelings” about the announced big screen adaptation of Jeannette Walls’ The Glass Castle.  I don’t care who write the script or directs or stars, the movie will NOT be as good as the book.  The best that can be hoped for is something different, a film no better or worse than the source material that, nevertheless, stands on its distinct own as an enjoyable product.

It happens, but rarely.  Most book-based movies range from disappointing to atrocious.  As I gave it some thoughts, numerous bad examples came to mind.  And a few singular good ones.

Here are my Top 5 Best and Worst Book to Film adaptations:

THE WORST

5. I AM LEGEND

The movie, based on the short novel by Richard Matheson, tries to go it’s own creative way – and fails miserably.  A film that will be remembered for only one thing: killing off the dog.

4. THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN

Okay, look, ANY film based on the works of writer Alan Moore are going to pale in comparison to the original.  The best you can hope for is “good but not close enough” (Watchmen) to atrocious (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen).  Hey, I don’t recall Tom Sawyer in the graphic novel.  Oh, right.  He was added to appeal to an American audience (“Hey!  Tom Sawyer’s in this movie!  Let’s go see it!”said no one ever).  So disastrous that not only did Alan Moore disown it, but so did it’s star, Sean Connery.

3. WORLD WAR Z

It’s the book’s fractured narrative that allows us a sweeping understanding of the global pandemic on both the public and personal level – and the attempt to capture it proves to be the movie’s undoing.

2. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

My favorite book in the series was the worst film in the series – as far I know given that I stopped watching after this one.

 1. A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

My favorite children’s book series of all time.  The movie gets nowhere close to capturing its clever narrative and darkly humorous tone.

(Honorable mentions: Daredevil, The Fantastic Four [any version]).

THE BEST

5. THE SHINING

I know that author Stephen King was never a fan of the big screen adaptation, but I thought this was one of those rare instances where the  movie almost exists as a separate entity, a different version of the same story that is just as good as the original.

4. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

Like The Shining, this is a case of a film that charts its own stylistic path, creating a visual counterpart that pays its respect to the book but is still very much its own animal.

3. THE PRINCESS BRIDE

I actually fell in love with the movie before discovering – and falling in love with – the book.  It helps that both were written by the same hugely talented writer, William Goldman.

2. MISERY

Loved the book and loved the movie.  This is one of those rarest of instances where the book and film actually co-exist in the same creative world.  Whenever I watch the movie, the experience is complimented by elements I recall from the novel.  On the other hand, whenever I read the book, Kathy Bates is always Annie.

1. BLADE RUNNER

I’m sorry, Philip K. Dick fans, but this is one of those rarest of all instances where the movie is actually better than the book.

(Honorable mentions: Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, the 1973 & 1974 Three Musketeers and Four Musketeers, The Godfather)

Just in time for the opening of GONE GIRL…based on the excellent novel of the same name.

Tagged: adpatations, best books to film, best film adaptations, best movie adaptations, worst books to film, worst film adaptations, worst movie adaptations

October 2, 2014: Akemi’s Japan Vlog!

Tokyo!  Tsukiji Market!  Tea Ceremony in Osaka!

Check out the first installment of Akemi’s Japan vlog:

Next time, let’s make it a group vacation.  Who’s in?!!

Tagged: Japan, Japan travel, Osaka, Osaka travel, Tokyo, Tokyo travel