Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 394

February 2, 2015: An unexpected encounter! Paolo Barzman at the helm! Amanda Tapping on deck!

“Hey!”said one of the set P.A.’s. ��“There’s a homeless woman eating a sandwich at the craft service table!”

While other crew members angled to get a look at our unexpected guest, I alone approached, drawn by a mixture of pity and sadness. ��She looked so frail, her hair disheveled, bony fingers clutching what was probably the last solid meal she’d enjoyed in days and, as I drew close, she seemed to start, pulling the food possessively close to her chest, and she stared up at me, her eyes a myriad of conflicting emotions: fear, contempt, despair, and defiance. ��She was in such a lamentable state that I immediately reached for my wallet, prepared to give her whatever cash I had on hand.

It was then, upon closer scrutiny, that I realized the homeless woman wasn’t eating a sandwich. ��She was nibbling a banana scone. ��And she wasn’t a homeless woman at all. ��It was actually my good friend Tara Yelland!

Her pockets are stuffed full of fruit bars and packaged crackers!

It turns out Tara had dropped by for a second costume fitting (You know the old drill: Send in false measurements and then come in, discover your wardrobe doesn’t fit, then make an appointment to come in for a second fitting thereby seizing the opportunity for a double raid on the production catering.).

Anyway, after escorting her off the premises (Last time, I merely walked her as far as the front desk��only to discover, hours later, she’d set up camp in our infirmary set), I returned to video village for Paolo Barzman’s first day directing episode #103.

Paolo getting it done!

Many of you have asked: “What does an executive producer do?”. ��The answer: We just sit around mostly, watching television:

Occasionally, we may voice a request (ie. “Could you hold the prop higher?” or “Can we get Game of Thrones on this t.v.?”), but really, for the most part, it’s just sitting around watching people make a television show.

Hey, if you hadn’t heard, or figured it out, our episode #104 director is a former Stargate colleague – none other than the lovely Amanda Tapping (https://twitter.com/amandatapping). ��We kicked off prep on her episode today and she has already made a bunch of fans in the production offices.

Too much fun!

February 1, 2015: Psycho Vegan Superbowl!

“I’m psycho!”Akemi happily informed me.

“Hunh?”was my response.

“I’m psycho!”she repeated. ��“I asked about when Jeff was coming back to Toronto yesterday and, today, you got an email from him saying he’s coming back! ��I’m psycho!”

“PsyCHIC,”I corrected her. ��“Psychic.”

“Not psycho?” ��Disappointed.

“I don’t know. ��Maybe psycho too.

She redirected her attention back to cleaning her favorite mug. ��I’d advised using a mixture of boiling water, lemon juice, and apple cider vinegar to remove the coffee stains but she was leery, fearful of creating some sort of dangerous chemical reaction. ��I assured her that it was perfectly safe but she seemed unconvinced, sighting the example of a vengeful woman in Japan who mixed hair remover with her husband’s shampoo only to have the concoction explode in her hands. ��Noting the horrified look on my face, she suddenly brightened and shouted: “Be careful Japanese wife!”

Uh, yeah. ��So hopefully NOT psycho.

*

Hey, we went to a vegetarian restaurant today for lunch. ��I ate this -

The Drunken Stupor: Canadian bacon and double smoked bacon strips, a cracked egg, whiskey BBQ sauce topped with beer battered onion rings.

Wait. ��Oh. �� I see why you’re confused. ��Yes, Akemi wanted to check out a vegetarian restaurant in Kensington Market for lunch. ��While she enjoyed her salad, I definitely DID NOT��enjoy my sad and soggy apple-brie crepe and watery soup and matcha latte. ��And so, on the way back home, I stopped by a place called Bacon Nation and ordered the above-pictured sandwich. ��Better.

I’d agreed to the veggie foray��as research for tonight since I would be hosting not one but TWO vegetarians – AND a couple of vegans. ��Outside of the doggy dental strips and the bottle of sriracha sitting in my refrigerator, my place is decidedly un-vegan friendly. ��And by that I mean my dogs have been trained to attack vegans (only because Jelly, Bubba, and Lulu find the food crumbs they drop during the course of a meal sooo disappointing).

Anyway, I covered my vegetarian and vegan bases by also ordering up a bunch of tofu sandwiches, weird earthy salads, and a couple of desserts. ��For everyone else, it was sandwiches from Banh Mi Boys, rum cakes, and brownies. ��Also the samosas and beef patties Alex and Allie brought over. ��I made sure to set aside one brownie for actress Zoie Palmer who texted me, and I quote: “If I don’t get a brownie, I’ll be making up my own lines on Monday…just saying'”.

��“You’re having a Super Bowl party!”said actress Melissa O’Neil on Friday. ��The fact that it was less a question and more a statement of fact was hardly surprising given that actor Roger Cross had informed me, only days earlier, that he was coming over to watch the game and then apparently interpreted my silence as an official Super Bowl party announcement. ��In all fairness, we should have all gone to actress Jodelle Ferland’s place to watch the game since she is rumored to have a t.v. twice the size of both Roger’s and mine combined – but it was a pleasantly cosy get-together nevertheless.

The gang minus late arrival Anthony Lemke.

Tomorrow, back at it!

January 31, 2015: Cheesing! Toronto’s best rum cakes! And a script update!

“You’re cheesing me,”said Akemi.

“Cheesing you?”I asked.

“Yes, cheesing me.” ��She elaborated: “Making fun of me.”

“You mean teasing me,”I corrected her. ��“Teasing. ��With a t.”

She frowned, brow furrowed, genuinely perplexed by the revelation. ��“But cheesing makes more sense.”

“It does?”

“Yes because cheese is like a food bully, kind of aggressive, always going around covering other things. ��Also, cheese has a lot of other meanings like That’s so cheesy!”

Good point.

Akemi and I have our weekend routine. ��We sleep in, visit the farmer’s market, drop by Loblaws, swing by my favorite comic book shop (The Comic Pile:��http://www.thecomicpile.com��where I pick up the few titles I’m still reading: The Walking Dead, Saga, and Alex + Ada), then stop at THE spot for Toronto’s tastiest rum cakes: Don’t Call Me Cupcake (https://www.facebook.com/DCMCbakery��and��http://dontcallmecupcake.com). ��Owner Tova (pictured above) opened the shop a couple of years ago and has been baking up all sorts of delicious treats – cupcakes, cookies, cheesecakes, brownies and lemon squares – but my favorite are her bite-size rum cakes that are, apparently, a slightly tweaked version of her grandmother’s rum cake recipe. Today, my timing was near impeccable as I arrived while a fresh batch was cooling. ��I waited patiently, killing time by chatting with Tova – and eating one of her sweet and crispy chocolate chip cookies – until the rum cakes were cool enough to ice. ��And then…

Moist, creamy, and slightly boozy. ��It makes my list of Top 10 Things to Eat in Toronto!

I’m pleased to report that while prep and production on��Dark Matter��continues to motor along, script work on our thirteen episode first season is almost complete. Yesterday, we sat down to a ��note session with Executive Producer Jay Firestone and discussed episodes #110, #111, and #112. ��Amazingly, the typical pre-note session angst I’d grown accustomed to over my many years as a television writer has disappeared. ��It’s nice to sit down with someone and not have to fight for your vision of a script or argue over seemingly trifling expository additions that will weigh down or sink a scene. ��Never, over the course of these 12 script meetings with Jay, have we been asked to dumb down��explain or clarify or make so absolutely clear that even a trained chimpanzee could follow along. ��With Jay, it’s all about the characters and their respective relationships – which is, ultimately, what this show is about. ��The input has been really good, really positive, and I have yet to flip a desk, throw a script, or kick a script coordinator. ��Yet.

Jay checking the set for design flaws. From here, it’s a short walk over to wardrobe to weigh in on the costumes. You think I’m kidding?

Monday, we start production on episode #103 with director Paolo Barzman. ��I’ve only known the guy less than two weeks and I’m already a big fan. ��I really appreciate his passion and positive energy. ��Also, the great photos he took of Lulu the last time I brought her into the office:

Also on Monday, prep begins on episode #104 with a certain fan favorite assuming the directing reins. ��Who, pray tell, could I be talking about? ��Well, let’s just say it’ll be a Stargate reunion of sorts.

Tagged: best rum cake in Toronto, Dark Matter, Dark Matter t.v., Don't Call Me Cupcake, rum cakes, The Comic Pile

January 30, 2015: That’s a wrap on Dark Matter episodes #101-102!

That’s it! ��16 days up! ��16 days down! ��Today, we completed production on the first two episodes of��Dark Matter’s first season. ��The dailies look great, the cast and crew have been terrific, and director T.J. Scott has been nothing short of awesome. Next up: editing! ��We’ll get a director’s cut of both episodes the week after next, then Jay and I do our producer’s cut and then it’s smooth sailing! ��After we complete the mix, color correct, the visual effects, and whatever else I’ve forgotten to include which I’ll hopefully remember before we deliver the final version in June.

Paying us a visit on this special day was my arch-nemesis (and occasional co-writer) Tara Yelland who we ended up casting for a super special/super secret role on the show. ��She swung by to commemorate our final day, do her costume fitting, and eat the craft service offerings.

Tara attempting to kickstart her couch model career.

With Natalie Cooper away, I assumed we’d miss out on our sock of the day instalment. ��Fortunately Tara wore a truly hideous pair to her fitting today and I was able to get a snap. ��Don’t stare at them too long or you’ll get dizzy?

And – check it out – it’s the formerly suited Grant Boyle (being photo bombed by Mackenzie “Happy” Lawrence). ��An interesting contrast to his “parole board hearing” outfit of a few days ago.

How great is this cast? ��Well, so great they got the crew several boxes of Polish (?) donuts. ��You know, the kind actor Anthony Lemke was talking about last week at lunch time. ��Assorted flavors included raspberry, custard (Yes, please!), and plum!

Full time actress and part time hand model Zoie Palmer (who WOWED us with her expert hand inserts tonight. ��Her fingers were just dancing over the computer screen!) suggested I do a slow roll-out of her android look.

I’m starting at the bottom and working my way up! ��Our first instalment:

And, finally, director T.J. Scott calls it a day/double-episode:

Thanks for an amazing two-episode experience, T.J.! ��See you next month!

2 episodes down; 11 to go. ��I have a feeling these next few months are going to fly!

January 29, 2015: Torri in town! Writers Tears! Dark Matter Production Day #15!

Well, look who it is. ��Torri Higginson was on set today, kicking ass – as do most of the women on this show – as Commander Delaney Truffault. ��A quick visit from the former Toronto resident – but I have a feeling we’ll be seeing her again in the not too distant future.

Two units filming today. ��While main unit was in the mess and infirmary shooting the argument, the confrontation, the fall, and that weird kid moment – second unit was shooting at the airlock (for the unwelcome welcome), in the corridor (Zoie Palmer, as the Android, delivers one of stunt coordinator/2nd unit director John Stead’s favorite lines of the episode) and some of the quarters…

Guess who’s room we shot in today?

A cam operator��Dino Laurenza lines up a mess hall shot.

Patient Zero and 1st AD Brandon Tataryn relaxes in the infirmary between set-ups.

In what has become a post- lunch tradition, we partake in a little pre-set whisky tipple. ��Today’s sampling – and antique Hungarian shot glasses! – came compliments of Line Producer Norman Denver: the delightfully named Writers Tears Irish Whisky.

Hey! ��Sets Buyer Robert Steele celebrated his 50th birthday today – and we celebrated along with him with an Art Department birthday bash that included wine, cheese, cake, and really spicy sausage!

Today’s screen grab of the day:

What do you think? ��Guesses?

Tagged: Dark Matt, Dark Matter, Dark Matter t.v.

January 28, 2015: Detective Grant Boyle is on the case! Bourbon cookies get the shuttle shaking! Infirmary! Mess Hall! And dinner with Torri!

Introducing Grant Boyle – male model. ��Oh, and 3rd Assistant Director on Dark Matter. ��No doubt having grown tired of all the compliments I receive on my suits, Grant decided to go all out today – suit, tie AND cufflinks. ��Mighty suave, no? ��At one point, he flashed up on my monitor – standing in front of the camera, eating a burrito and, for a brief few seconds, I thought I was watching a cop show. Detective Grant Boyle: homicide! ��What do you think, ladies? ��Should he get his own show?

I left set in such a rush last night that I left my scarf behind. ��Fortunately, EP assistant Alison Hepburn was on the ball and returned it to me this morning. ��I rewarded her by not forcing her to stay late just in case I forgot my scarf again. BUT, if I do forget it again, there’ll be hell to pay!

How awesome is my girlfriend? ��Yesterday morning, she sent me off with a platter of brown butter bourbon cookies for the crew. ��They were a huge hit. ��Self-described full-time cookie aficionado (and occasional actor) Anthony Lemke hailed them as the best cookies he’s ever eaten!

The sugar and bourbon gave the crew the energy they needed to rock the gimballed shuttle set for those inflight scenes. ��Perhaps a little too much sugar and bourbon as director T.J. Scott had to keep telling them to ease up. ��Had I brought seconds, they probably would have rolled the damn thing.

I strolled in at 8:55 a.m. this morning to discover our infirmary set a hive of activity. ��Things being moved, assembled, fixed. ��It was downright heartening – if not for the fact that we were 5 minutes away from main unit call. ��BUT, in a flash, it was done. ��And we were finally ready to shoot in our infirmary set – for the very first time! ��Above: Rocky, part of the Art Department team, makes the magic happen.

We also shot in the mess hall for the first time. ��Check out the spice rack!

Meanwhile, prep continues on episode #103. ��We had our space suit helmet meeting today and reflected on reflections. ��The bad kind that screw up a shot because they show up in face shields.

The screen grab of the day:

And our sock of the day!

Went to dinner last night with our Commander Truffault, the lovely Torri Higginson. We talked dogs, food, cons, and scifi over wine, bourbon, and a crazy assortment of dishes. ��Tomorrow, she drops in to lower the boom on Ferrous Corp!

Tagged: Dark Matter, Dark Matter t.v.

January 27, 2015: Top 10 Most Depressing Series Finales!

Spoiler alert…for shows that have been off the air for anywhere between 5 to 34 years.

Seriously. ��There’s got to be a statute of limitations on spoilers.

10. Six Feet Under

My favorite finale of all time. ��It was only appropriate that a show that explored the realities of death should conclude with the multiple��flash forward deaths of all of its beloved characters. ��Incredibly depressing yet perfectly fitting.

9. Little House on the Prairie

Rather than allow their little town to fall into the clutches of a greedy railroad tycoon, the residents of Walnut Grove decide to blow up every building in town.

8. Stargate: Universe

The crew of the Destiny enters stasis so that the ship can channel all of its energy to��completing a 3-year��journey to the next galaxy. ��As the various sections of the ship go dark (bookending the show’s opening images), we find our lovable hero Eli, alone on the observation deck. ��Then, the ship jumps to FTL, leaving us (the viewers) behind.

[We were actually expecting to come back for a final third season – but, obviously, that didn’t happen. ��Still, if you’re curious about how things may have turned out:��https://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...]

7. Twin Peaks

Agent Cooper,��battles his nemesis Windom Earl in the otherworldly realm of The Black Lodge – and loses his soul. ��But there’s hope for our affable hero – 25 years later – as Showtime has announced production on a follow-up to the cult series, set to premiere in 2016.

6. Blake’s 7

Everybody dies. ��Hope you heeded that spoiler warning above.

5. The Sopranos

Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” plays through the show’s final scene as the Soprano family convenes in a diner and…we cut to black. ��Was Tony killed? ��Probably? ��Will we ever know for sure? ��Probably not.

4. Roseanne

In the show’s final season, Roseanne and her family win the lottery and hilarity (?) ensues. ��Until the final episode in which we discover that the show was actually a story written by Roseanne Conner based on her life. ��The family never won the library and, oh yeah, husband Dan is dead. ��Thanks for watching our comedy!

3. Quantum Leap

After five seasons of leaping through time to help others, Dr. Sam Beckett is finally given the opportunity to return home. ��He decides to do just that, after making one final leap – so save his buddy Al’s marriage. He succeeds and…according to the final card, never returns home. ��Boo!

2. Alf

Our wise-cracking alien prepares to finally head home to Melmac – only to get captured by the military. ��They’re probably still experimenting on him.

1. Dinosaurs

Hapless dinosaur dad Earl unwittingly helps usher in an ice age that will wipe out his family, his community, and all of his fellow dinosaurs.

January 26, 2015: Behind the scenes on Dark Matter! Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone!

Director Paolo Barzman humoring me.

I spent much of the weekend going over the two week’s worth of dailies we’ve amassed to date. ��For those not in the know, “dailies” refers to the collected footage from the previous day’s shoot. ��It’s always a good idea to familiarize yourself with the available material – especially when it comes time to do your edit. If something isn’t working for you, it’s a simple matter of requesting that brilliant��alternate take or delivery that didn’t make the director’s cut. ��What’s leftover finds its way into those outtakes, blooper reels, and deleted footage extras the fans love so much while so much more is lost to time. ��Somewhere, in the crawlspace of my Vancouver home sit two boxes of videocassettes containing dailies from Stargate SG-1 seasons 4 through 7. ��Highlights include unaired scenes, serpent guards stumbling about in unwieldy oversized helmets, and Michael Shanks (Daniel Jackson) dancing a jig in that unas episode.

Akemi presents…our shuttle: the phantom class marauder. Much more impressive on the inside, trust me.

Wall to wall meetings today for episode #103: VFX/Playback (nebula!), stunts/SPFX (shirtless bo staff training alert! ��Don’t tell Alex!), props (light up elements), and a tone meeting with director Paolo Barzman during which we discussed the characters, the “big picture”, and went through the script scene by scene.

Akemi prepares to interrogate the prisoner.

I spent most of my free time going over the schedule, assembling the scenes by set (the bridge [FTL, star field, blast doors, and emergency lighting], the infirmary, the mess, the airlock, the corridors and quarters), and playing mix and match with the allotted times to create nice, full – but not overly taxing days. ��I’d broken it all down nicely and was in the process of mixing and matching when I mistakenly pressed “do NOT save” – and lost everything. ��Sigh.

Director Paolo Barzman strongly urges me to reconsider that second act break.

In honor of my pug, Jelly, Natalie Cooper presents this awesome “sock of the day”:

And our screen grab of the day:

Heads up!

Tagged: Dark Matter, Dark Matter t.v.

January 25, 2015: Somewhere between druidic and herbaceous!

“I really like Joe,”said our Assistant Production Manager Robbie David. ��“He’s always so positive.”

“Positive?”asked my writer partner, Paul, instantly dubious. ��Having known me for well over twenty-five years, he’d be the first to tell you that “positive” would probably be well down on the list of adjectives used to paint a picture of yours truly (falling somewhere between “druidic” and “herbaceous”). �� “Joe?”

“Yeah,”said Robbie. ��“I saw him on his way in. ��He was talking about how great it was that he had the opportunity to see different parts of Ontario like Hamilton and Kitchener.”

A full three seconds of silence and then, Paul: “Robbie, he was being sarcastic.”

“He was?”

Yes, apparently, that happens a lot – people taking my sarcasm for genuine sincerity. ��So, to be clear: I DON’T think a rogue equipment manager is to blame for ensuring quarterback Tom Brady had some nice grippably deflated footballs to throw last weekend, I DID NOT take six years of breakdancing lessons nor am I looking forward to showing off my moves at the wrap party, and it’s possible I DIDN’T notice you’re doing something new with your hair. ��But chances are I still LOVE IT!

Anyway, as to the specific incident in question – yes, I may have been a little sarcastic. ��After dealing with doggy issues that morning (see last entry, ed.), I drove an hour and twelve minutes to an area devoid of proper signage to point me in the right direction. ��At one point, I was thrilled to spot an actual sign on the roadside up ahead only to discover, on approach, that it was actually a notice for a local bake sale.

When I finally did roll up outside the entrance to the water treatment facility, I discovered I’d actually missed the crew park. ��I was informed that signage was a Vancouver production thing. ��Next time, I had to follow the parking cones – judiciously lining the route (roughly 3-5 miles between each one).

It was a long but incredibly fulfilling day as director T.J. Scott, in collaboration with stunt coordinator John Stead and our awesome cast, shot, slashed, and blasted the place up. ��Last day for some of our guest stars – Chloe Rose, Rob Stewart, and Amanda Brugel – who not only delivered terrific performances and offered delightful company, but also kindly supplied me with reference letters for the position of ambassador to Burkina Faso in our model U.N. club.

We managed to squeeze in a location scout for episodes #106 and #109 and ended up wrapping – early! – at 11:30 p.m. ��After that, it was a quick 90 minute drive back in the mostly streetlight-devoid dead of night and I was in bed by 1:30 a.m.

This weekend, it’s chores, chores, chores, a pink page pass on episode #103, an early Sunday afternoon visit to our shuttle (the phantom class marauder) set, and I’ve already started thinking about my ideal trailer for the show.

Some pics from Friday’s festivities:

Awwwwww. So cuuuuuute!

Table #1 of 3.

Besties: Executive Producer Vanessa Piazza and actress Amanda Brugel (Keeley).

Our screen grab of the day (from Thursday’s action):

Trouble comin’ your way!

Tomorrow: wall to wall meetings as prep continues on #103. ��Meanwhile, main unit shoots its first day on our shuttle – the phantom class marauder!

Tagged: Dark Matter, Dark Matter t.v.

January 24, 2015: Jelly’s big adventure!

Why, I wondered,��is there blood on the floor? ��And then:��Why is there blood on the blanket? ��And:��Why is there blood on the dog bed? ��Upon closer scrutiny, I had my answer. ��Jelly had, somehow, snagged her dewclaw and torn it badly. ��She seemed oblivious, more focused on the water bowl than her mangled paw, apparently not bothered by the ugly wound. ��I, on the other hand, instantly felt dizzy on her behalf.

After checking with about a half dozen vets in the area, I settled on the one who could see us soonest – at 9:30 a.m., which would give me an hour before I had to leave for Kitchener and our final location day for the episodes #101/#102 of Dark Matter (a little scifi t.v. show I may have mentioned here on occasion).

We arrive for 9:20 a.m. in the hopes that the doctor could see her sooner. ��No early appointment. ��No on-time appointment either. ��The doctor casually rolled in at around 9:50, then took his time settling in. ��It wasn’t until 10:15 that we got to see him. �� And, when we finally did, the cursory examination yielded a blunt, if not annoying, diagnosis. ��“We can do one of two things,”the vet explained. ��“I can bring her to the back and yank off the broken dew claw – which will be really painful for her, or we can sedate her to remove it and she won’t feel a thing.” ��I want to say “the subtext was clear” but, really, there was no subtext. ��If I wanted to save a few bucks, my dog would suffer for it.

Now normally (and as any semi-regular reader to this blog is well aware), I’d have no hesitation about spending money on my dogs. ��Jelly’s��stem cell therapy alone was costlier than my first car. ��But in this instant, it wasn’t the cost of the procedure but the procedure itself. ��I’d hesitate to put a pug under anesthetic at the best of times – but a sixteen year old pug? ��Only in the direst of emergencies – and this wasn’t one.

After considering her age, and her narrow nostrils (“They’re too small,”said the vet. “These should have been treated long ago. ��Subtext: “Your vet is incompetent.”) he agreed that sedation wouldn’t be an option. ��He’d just bring her to the back and remove it without the benefit of anesthetic.

I was understandably hesitant, but he assured me it had to come off – and that it would be quick. ��She probably wouldn’t feel a thing (which was a decidedly different take from the Option #1 he offered not ten minutes earlier).

I waffled, hesitated and finally gave the go-ahead, returned to the waiting room, discussed with Akemi, changed my mind, walked to the back room and told him I’d reconsidered. ��A brief discussion ensued. ��He continued to assure me it would be quick. ��I vacillated. ��He demonstrated, grabbing the dangling claw and – tugging! It came off. ��Jelly, as early, seemed oblivious.

I was enormously relieved. ��He told me he’d clear her up and she’d be out shortly. And so, we returned to the waiting room and waited. ��Five minutes. ��Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes later he walked back out and informed me that he had to clean her anal glands which hadn’t been dealt with in at least a year (subtext: “Your vet is incompetent.”) and offered to show us what he’d managed to recover. ��“Uh, no thanks,”I passed as I checked my watch. ��I was going to be late.

We accompanied him back to the room where he completed his check-up, poking, prodding and pressing until – clearly concerned – he claimed to feel something unusual. ��“It feels like a mass in her abdomen,”he said. ��“Look how uncomfortable she is when I squeeze it.” ��I wanted to point out that anyone would look uncomfortable having their abdomen squeezed but, hey, he was the medical professional. ��He suggested an x-ray.

It was already almost 11:00 p.m. and I was running well past late, but the x-ray machine was right there and he claimed it would only take “ten seconds”. ��Akemi was already fed up and ready to leave but I figured – hey, what’s ten seconds? Especially when the alternative was making an appointment and waiting until next week. ��So I gave the go-ahead for the x-ray.

Two seconds turned into two minutes. ��Then ten minutes. ��Then twenty. �� Eventually, we headed back to his office where we examined the x-rays. ��Which, it turned out, weren’t very good. ��There was what appeared to be a mass. ��But it could have been fecal matter. ��He suggested we make an appointment and come back for an ultrasound.

Given the fact that Jelly just had an ultrasound two months ago, I elected to hold off – and go back to her regular, presumably incompetent but much nicer vet, for a follow-up.

I paid up, dropped Akemi and Jelly off at home, and then headed to work – arriving an hour after main unit call.

Oh, and apparently I was overcharged. ��He offered to reimburse my card the next time I dropped by – or just put it toward the cost of the ultrasound. ��Whichever comes first.