Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 291

November 14, 2017: Buddy, can you spare a slice of pizza?

We were walking back from my favorite pizza joint, Superpoint on Ossington, last night when we were approached by a somewhat disheveled looking man.   “Do you have twenty-five cents for food?”he asked.  I recognized him as the same guy we’d passed not two hours earlier on our way to the restaurant.

“Offer him the pizza,”suggested Ivon.

Great idea, I thought.

“Hey!”I called after the man who was already shuffling off.  “Want some pizza?”  I held up the box of leftovers.

The man stopped and started back at me, stunned, as though I’d just spoken to him in German.  A beat and then, with a  double wave of his hand, he exhorted me to: “Enjoy.  Enjoy.” before continuing on his way.

Hunh.  I thought it odd but, not two blocks later, we were approached again, this time by a somewhat disheveled looking woman.  “Do you have a dollar for food?”she asked.

“Would you like some pizza?”I offered.

Brow furrowed, she frowned.  “No.”  Then turned and walked off.

As I watched her go, I couldn’t help but marvel.  What are the chances of running into back to back gluten-intolerant transients?

Hey, thanks to those of you who weighed in with reading recommendations.  Since uploading yesterday’s list, I started a new book and am about a third of the way through RJ Barker’s Age of Assassins, a terrific fantasy novel about an apprentice assassin tasked with going undercover in a royal court so he can identify and stop another assassin from murdering the young, obnoxious king-in-waiting.

In addition to yesterday’s book list, I need to generate a whole other list for graphic novels.  I’ve been presented with a couple of great opportunities to adapt some titles to the small screen and was wondering what YOUR favorites are?  No DC or Marvel as they’re already spoken for.  Also, as much as Saga rocks, I think it’s unproducable and just perfection in its comic book form.

Also, along these lines, if you’ve got an anime series that you think would make a great live action series (Randomness, I’m sure you’ll have a few suggestions), I’d like to hear them as well!

November 13, 2017: Time Enough at Last!

There are time when I feel like Henry Bemis in the Twilight Zone episode “Time Enough at Last”.  The episode focuses on Henry, a bank teller played by Burgess Meredith, who is constantly prevented from doing the one thing he loves most: read.  One day, during his lunch break, he retreats to the bank’s vault to get some reading in, only to be knocked unconscious by a concussive blast.  He awakens and exits the vault to discover humanity has been wiped out but, in a fortuitous stroke, the public library is still standing.  Henry is delighted and, after sorting through countless books and compiling a huge stack, he prepares to get started – only to stumble and break his glasses, preventing him from doing the one thing he loves most of all.

Anyway, not to make too much of it, but there are times when I feel like Henry Bemis.  Despite my crazy production schedule for much of the year (I do some of my best reading between set-ups and before turning in for the night), I managed to set a pretty torrid reading pace this year.  I figured the show’s cancellation would allow me to get even  more reading in but the truth is I’ve been as busy these last couple of months than I was working on Dark Matter’s third season.  Still, it looks like I’ll surpass my record of 185 books read in 2014 as I just finished my 185th book of 2017, American Fire: Love, Arson, and Life in the Vanishing Land, a terrific work of non-fiction about the serial arsonists who plagued Accomack County, Virginia back in the fall of 2012.  A great read.  Sure, on the surface it looks impress, but truth is a good 15% of those 185 titles were graphic novels or novellas.

But looking ahead to composing my list of Best Books of 2017 (which specifically covers books published in 2017, as opposed to my Best Reads of 2017 which covers a more expansive list of books I happened to read in the 2017 calendar year), I realized I really need to pull up my bootstraps if I want to to weigh in with an informed opinion.  By my count, of the 185 books I’ve read to date, a mere 67 were published in 2017, and 9 of them were graphic novels.  Pretty sad.

In order to expedite things ahead of my spring Best Books of 2017 blog entry (I give myself some leeway to catch up on those late December titles), I put together a list of 2017 titles I still need to get around to between now and said blog entry. The list so far, in no particular order:

The Lucky Ones by Julianne Pachico

Homesick for Another World by Otessa Moshfegh
Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood
The Force by Don Winslow
The Animators by Kayla Rae Whitaker
Redfire: A Red Peace by Spencer Ellsworth
Noumenon by Marina J. Lostetter
The Cutaway by Christina Kovac
The River at Night by Erica Ferencik
Redemption Road by John Hart
The Last Place You Look by Kristen Lepionka
The Lightning Men by Thomas Mullen
A Man of Shadows by Jeff Noon
Age of Assassins by RJ Barker
Words on a Bathroom Wall by Julia Watson
The Stolen Child by Lisa Carey
Skullsworn by Brian Staveley
Ferocity by Nicola Lagioia and
Dark Chapter by Winnie M Li
The Man in the Tree by Sage Walker
The Acolyte by Nick Cutter
My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix

The Unseen World – Liz Moore


She Rides Shotgun – Jordan Harper
Spaceman of Bohemia, Jaroslav Kalfar
Quicksand, Malin Persson Giolito
The Widow of Wall Street, Randy Susan Meyers
Down City, Leah Carroll
Book of American Martyrs, Joyce Carol Oates


Sycamore, Bryn Chancellor


Startup, Doree Shafrir
The Destroyers, Christopher Bollen
Grief Cottage, Gail Godwin
Strange Contagion, Lee Daniel Kravetz
To Be A Machine, Mark O’Connell
The Unit, Ninni Holmquist
My Absolute Darling, Gabriel Tallent
If The Creek Don’t Rise, Leah Weiss
A Kind of Freedom, Margaret Wilkerson Sexton
Caca Dolce, Chelsea Martin
Reincarnation Blues, Michael Poore

Killers of the Flower Moon – David Grann

Bunk – Kevin Young
Improvement – Joan Silber






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Whew!  Read any of the aforementioned?  Thoughts?  Are there any I should move to the top of the list?  Others I should move down?  Let’s hear it, fellow readers!

November 12, 2017: Checking in with the dogs!

Lulu (10), and Suji (12) may be old timers, but what they lack in mobility they more than make up for in spirit and appetite.

This week, we dropped them of with our new dogsitter, Cynthia, for the day.  Step #1 complete.  In a couple of weeks, Step #2 will see us drop them off for an overnight stay.  If all goes well, we move on to Step #3: Akemi and I go to New York for a couple of days.  And, if that goes swimmingly, it’s Japan in January for Le Salon de Chocolat!

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The new guests = Lulu and Suji.

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Lulu discovers a comfy bed.

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Suji, as usual, squeezes in.

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And ends up squeezing Lulu out – also, as usual.

In preparation for the wintry months ahead, Akemi and I have borrowed a red wagon from our friend Gosia who used to use it wheel around her adorable pug Lucy.  We tested it by taking them out for a ride a couple of days ago and the dogs loved it!

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And awaaaaaay we go! (Photos courtesy of our friend Nicole).

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Alright, I’m off to give them a bath.  Wish me luck!

P.S. The latest from Suji’s instagram (click here).  11,700+ followers and counting!

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November 11, 2017: Signs I may be getting old!

I fell asleep on the couch and napped for two hours today.

I’m getting more forgetful.

I pulled something doing lunges two weeks ago and now my inability to cut has diminished my confidence in my ability to play the corner position.

Instead of doubling its character limit, I really feel twitter would have been better served by adding an edit function instead.

I prefer the smaller model iPhones instead of the new ones that come with their own backpacks.

My french bulldog Lulu is getting heavier to carry around, but she’s not really getting any heavier.

I find club-decibel level music in retail stores annoying.

The most accessed function on my iPhone is the flashlight app which I use to read restaurant menus.

I think the 2000 and 2003 X-Men movies are far superior to pretty much any Marvel movie produced since (with the possible exception of Deadpool).

Watching Avengers: Age of Ultron was, for me, like watching somebody else play video games for three excruciating hours.

My favorite incarnation of Spiderman remains Gerry Conway’s run on Amazing Spiderman (#111-149).

My “pajamas” consist of a pair of comfy fleece pants and varied anime-themed t-shirts.

I am constantly frustrated by the limit of my laptop’s screen-brightening ability.

I no longer even feign interest in people who dislike dogs.

My bedtime has gotten increasingly earlier as I make time to read before going to sleep.  But once a night, I will get out of bed to go downstairs and watch Monday Night Football.

I drink chamomile tea at night

I remember a time before eco-friendly appliances, when dishwashers would actually get all your dishes and cutlery clean – in less than an hour!

I still open doors for people, strike up conversations with complete strangers, and hold the elevator rather than pretend to look away while surreptitiously hitting the “close” button.

I’ve come to the understanding that whiskey isn’t necessarily something you usually enjoy in company.

I’m getting more forgetful.

November 10, 2017: LOUD and NOISY!

Well, this is a lovely article that speaks to what many fans loved about Dark Matter: the characters at the heart of the show…

A Love Letter to the Women of Dark Matter by Paste Magazine’s Frannie Jackson.

“But beyond the Faster Than Light travel and the insane corporate politics, one of the show’s most fascinating elements is that three of its leads are compelling female characters.

And yet Syfy canceled the show this fall, leaving a void in their programming.”

A void most recently filled by Jeepers Creepers 3.

The latest industry buzzword is “loud”.  They want shows that “make noise”.  So I see their reasoning…I suppose.

Still, I’ll always appreciate how loud and noisy Dark Matter fandom was during our final campaign.  Not just on twitter, but everywhere.  I’m still amazed that the article that broke news of the cancellation on deadline.com garnered 164 comments, far and away above the average.

And then, there were all these:

https://www.change.org/p/we-want-dark-matter-season-4?recruiter=29855398&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition&utm_term=share_petition


http://screenrant.com/dark-matter-season-4-fan-campaign/

https://www.threeifbyspace.net/2017/09/dark-matter-ftl-drives-hit-warp-speed/

https://www.purefandom.com/2017/09/08/fandom-spoken-operation-save-dark-matter-full-effect/

https://www.tvovermind.com/dark-matter/can-fan-influence-get-dark-matter-back-air

http://thathashtagshow.com/2017/09/save-dark-matter/

https://thenerdrecites.com/saving-dark-matter-the-week-in-fun-hashtags-7652/

https://thenerdrecites.com/how-you-can-help-to-save-dark-matter-7564/

https://www.themarysue.com/reasons-to-save-dark-matter/

http://variety.com/2017/tv/news/dark-matter-cancelled-syfy-1202545344/

http://io9.gizmodo.com/syfys-killjoys-renewed-for-two-final-seasons-but-dark-1798727148

http://tvline.com/2017/09/01/dark-matter-cancelled-syfy-season-4/

https://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/2017/09/01/september-1-2017-dark-matter-cancelled/

https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=default&q=Dark%20Matter&src=typd

http://www.criticalhit.net/entertainment/syfy-unexpectedly-cancels-dark-matter-but-renews-killjoys-for-two-final-seasons/

http://tvseriesfinale.com/tv-show/dark-matter-cancelled-syfy-no-season-four/

http://www.darkhorizons.com/dark-matter-cancelled-by-syfy/

http://www.spoilertv.com/2017/09/dark-matter-cancelled-by-syfy-after-3.html

http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/more-tv-news/dark-matter-canceled-by-syfy/

https://www.threeifbyspace.net/2017/09/syfy-cancels-dark-matter-puts-hundreds-work/

http://www.denofgeek.com/us/tv/dark-matter/267277/dark-matter-canceled-at-syfy

http://www.cbr.com/syfy-dark-matter-cancelled/

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/view-elevates-brian-teta-executive-producer-1034638

http://screenrant.com/dark-matter-cancelled-syfy/

https://www.gateworld.net/news/2017/09/syfy-cancels-dark-matter-three-seasons/

http://www.avclub.com/syfy-cancels-dark-matter-1799113228

https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/1/16244388/syfy-renewed-killjoys-two-final-seasons-dark-matter-canceled

http://www.thewrap.com/dark-matter-syfy-canceled/

https://tvserieshub.tv/2017/09/01/dark-matter-cancelled/

https://www.tvovermind.com/tv-news/dark-matter-cancelled-three-seasons

http://www.starburstmagazine.com/reviews/dvd-and-blu-ray-home-entertainment-reviews/19165-dvd-review-dark-matter-season-3

http://gearsofbiz.com/dark-matter-canceled-by-syfy-after-three-seasons/48997

Seemed pretty LOUD and NOISY to me, but what do I know.  I just create, pitch, develop, plot, script, prep, cast, produce, and edit television.   I don’t decide what gets ON television.

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Hey, we’re getting down to the wire.  November 15th is the deadline to get your letters in for a chance to receive some Dark Matter swag.

 

November 9, 2017: My Top 10 Favorite Whiskeys!

In the three years that the Dark Matter Whisky Club was in operation, 2014-2017, I sampled a wide variety of whiskeys, over a hundred in all.  These were my favorites…

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#10. WRITER’S TEARS

Appropriate, no?  Line Producer Norman Denver contributed this ironic Irish entry, a blend of single malt and single pot-stilled whiskeys, triple-distilled and non-peated.  My favorite Irish Whiskey.

Notes: Warm honey, fruit, vanilla and the long sweet finish of artistic anguish laced with leprechaun gold.

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#9. LAGAVULIN 16

Another Norman Denver contribution, we enjoyed multiple bottles owing to the fact that it is, clearly, one of his favorites.  I can drink Lophgraig, which my former writing partner, Paul, likens to smoking a pack of cigarettes, but the peatiness here is present without being overpowering.

Notes: Peat, pineapple, oak, and a touch of that leather belt you took off to go through airport security and subsequently didn’t realize you’d left behind until you’d already boarded your flight.

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#8. NIKKA FROM THE BARREL

The first of multiple Japanese whiskeys to this list, this one is my all-time favorite blended whisky.  Akemi uses the apothecary style bottle to store salt once I’m done.

Notes: Creamy banana, brown sugar, dark plums like the ones you take from your neighbor’s backyard when they’re away in Florida.

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#7. KOVAL SINGLE BARREL OAT WHISKEY

From Chicago’s first distillery since prohibition, this 100% oat whisky was a pleasant find while I was searching for its sister bourbon, a delicious 2014 Gold Medal Winner at the International Whisky Competition.

Notes: Silky, floral, oatmeal, maple syrup and cream.  Perfect for those mornings when you don’t have time to prepare a proper breakfast.

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#6. HIBIKI HARMONY

Another beautifully balanced Japanese blended whisky, this one was gifted to us by director Amanda Tapping and once we were done, I picked up a second bottle to add to our library.  Probably one of the most beautiful bottles out there.

Notes: Apricot, orange peels, chocolate, and sunshine.  But mostly sunshine.

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#5. AUCHENTOSHAN – THREE WOOD

Director Jason Priestley delivered a true beauty in this gorgeous triple-distilled whisky matured in three different casks: bourbon, Oloroso Sherry, and Pedro Ximenez Sherry.

Notes: Dark cherries and chocolate, toffee and toasted oak.  Like liquid black forest cake for adults.

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#4. BALVENIE PORTWOOD 21 YEAR OLD SINGLE MALT

Compliments of Jay Firestone after first season wrap.  A handful of us were in the office, enjoying this elegant whiskey when we were joined by about a dozen first-timers, eager to see what all the fuss was about.  We poured them each a tumbler of this luxurious slow-sipper – which they all downed in one shot.  Lesson learned. From that point on, we always had the backup Ardbeg on standby.

NOTES: Rich and complex, fruit and smoke, cinnamon and raisins, fairy dust and candied unicorn horns.

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#3. BALVENIE 14 YEAR OLD CARRIBEAN CASK

We went through multiple bottles of this Ivon Bartok favorite, with its deep golden hue and velvet rum undertones.  It’s like a Scottish angel and a Black Seas pirate had a baby, and bottled it.

Notes: Creamy vanilla, mangoes and toffee, rum and rich booty (in all senses of the word).

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#2. JEFFERSON’S VERY SMALL BATCH KENTUCKY WHISKEY

I fell in love with this bourbon at Martin Gero’s place that time he ordered the lobster truck for his birthday and I ended up eating a half dozen lobster rolls.   Remember?  Good times, good times.  The Jefferson’s Ocean, gifted to me by my buddy Jeff, is equally amazing.

Notes: Spices, honey, custard, and corn, with a hint of lush presidential pardons.

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#1. YAMAZAKI – 18

My all-time favorite (should you be wondering what to get me for my birthday), it was $200 a bottle a few years ago, but today you’d be lucky to find it for double that price.  According to Akemi’s mother, its skyrocketing popularity is the result of it having been featured in a Japanese soap opera.  Noooo!  Why couldn’t it have been the bruichladdich???!!!

Notes: Dark fruit and spice and all the secrets of the universe.

Tagged: Auchentoshan, Balvenie, Hibiki, Jefferson's Ocean, Jefferson's Whiskey, Koval, Lagavulin, Nikka, whiskey, whiskeys, Whiskies, Whisky, Writers' Tears, Yamazaki

November 8, 2017: The Dark Matter Whisky Club – A Short Visual History (2014-2017)!

In the three years I worked on Dark Matter, I made some wonderful friends and accomplished many great things, but one of my biggest take-aways from my time on the show was the impressive amount of knowledge and experience I garnered in the world of whiskies.  It started back in season 1 after Blindspot Executive Producer Martin Gero gifted Paul and I two bottles of 18 year old Bunnahabhain.  Paul, of course, took his bottle back to his hotel room and finished it, solitary style, over the course of a week.  I, instead, elected to share my bottle with a few friends – Line Producer Norman Denver, Production Manager Robbie David, Assistant Director Brandon Tataryn, Script Coordinator Alison Hepburn, EP Assistant Elliot Sokolsky, and several others, forming what would become the Dark Matter Whisky Club.

Norman followed up by bringing in a bottle of his favorite 16 year old Lagavulin and, soon, others followed suit.  Over the course of those three seasons, we sampled a variety of whiskies, from the simply superb to the truly terrible, averaging about 17 bottles a season.  Whenever Norman sounded the wolf call, we all knew it was time and we gathered for our daily libation.

The Dark Matter Whisky Club – A Short Visual History (2014-2017:

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A little something from Golden Boy Martin Gero to commemorate our first day of principal photography.

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Archival photo of one of the very first meetings of the Dark Matter Whisky Club.

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Director Amanda Tapping joins the club – Episode 104.

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Director Ron Murphy joins our ranks – Episode 106.

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Welcoming Director Bruce McDonald into the fold – Episode 109.

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2nd A.D. Grant Boyle with his contribution – a little taste of home.

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Actor Anthony Lemke becomes a member – Episode 109.

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He later returns with his own contribution – a bottle of Prince Edward County’s finest.

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While main unit is on the road, Whisky unit stays true – Elliot, Matti, Trevor, and Alison.

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Director Ron Murphy returns for more whisky – and, oh yeah, to shoot another episode (109).

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You can tell the club was in its infancy by how few empty bottles adorned the top of that shelving unit.

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Executive Producer Paul Mullie comes for a visit, and a drink.

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A youthful Brandon Tataryn comes bearing gifts.

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And another little something from Mr. Boyle.

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Director and Stunt Coordinator John Stead graces us with his presence – and a bottle of 17 year old Craigellachie.

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Elliot unconvinced by The Glenrothes.

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Trevor Finn presents: Basil Hayden’s and Old Rip Van Winkle.

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Co-Executive Producer Ivon Bartok vs. Jura Superstition: Round 1.

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Director Andy Mikita knows the drill.

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Motoring through the season – and making progress on the whisky front.

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The ranks continue to swell.

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Visual Effect Supervisor Lawren Bancroft-Wilson with the assist from Dalwhinnie.

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Celebrating the season 1 finale – and a season’s worth of whisky.

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And that’s a wrap on season 1.

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The after-party.

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Season 2 resumes in force!

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Pick your poison, and glassware.

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Key Hair Renee Chan – Balvenie.

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1st A.d. Chris Binney – Balvenie.

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Director Amanda Tapping – Hibiki Harmony.

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Script Coordinator Alison Hepburn – Angel’s Envy.

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Key Grip Chris Toudy – Aultmore.

 

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I am immortalized.

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Director Jason Priestley in the mix – Episode 207.

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He came prepared.

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Director Andy Mikita’s two-handed return – Episode 208.

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The ever dainty – Director Peter Deluise, Episode 209.

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Not to be outdone.

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Director Will Waring – pineapples and Dalwhinnie, Episode 212.

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And that’s a wrap on season 2!

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A toast to season 3!

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Director Ron Murphy sets the tone.

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And Robbie David follows up.

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Actor Roger Cross with the Yamasaki.

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John Stead sports a new look – and delivers a new bottle.

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Season 3 nears and end.

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Kicking back with the After Dark gang.

Saying goodbye to the production offices was hard, but bidding farewell to that veritable army of fallen soldiers was downright heartbreaking…

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November 7, 2017: Thanking the Dark Matter Council!

“Your writing partner likes to tweet.”

– Pointed observance made by an executive to my long-time writing/producing partner on his recent trip to L.A.

Well, yes and no.  No insofar as I hate the 140 character limit and don’t really find twitter a suitable medium for relaying opinions and in-depth information outside of links.  But yes in that it’s a terrific way to get the simple facts out like: “Dark Matter was one of Syfy’s most-watched scripted shows of 2017!”.

Still, very sweet of him to notice.

Which reminds me.  Amidst all the thank you’s to cast and crew and fans, I neglected my extra special shout-out to the members of the Dark Council, the DM fans behind those Dark Matter FTL Drives that saw our little show trending weeks and days on end.

And so, thank you to…

Hilda Clark Bowen who put in many tireless hours amid the innumerable things she had to juggle in her own life.

Tom Gardiner who fought the good fight and, “coincidentally” had his syfy screener privileges revoked soon after writing an article critical of the show’s cancellation.

Kelli and Lance Zielinski, the dynamic duo and techy twosome who helped lay the groundwork for all those FTL Drives.

Syrine Epiome representing the overseas contingent with a wealth of ideas and some mighty marvelous artwork.

Lo Ren who helped keep the dream alive with some amazing graphics to drive the campaign.

Elise Cochrane, another member of Team Europe, who went above and beyond the call to help spread the word.

Thank you all.

Tagged: Cookie Monster movie reviews

November 7, 2017: Thanking the Dark Council!

“Your writing partner likes to tweet.”

– Pointed observance made by an executive to my long-time writing/producing partner on his recent trip to L.A.

Well, yes and no.  No insofar as I hate the 140 character limit and don’t really find twitter a suitable medium for relaying opinions and in-depth information outside of links.  But yes in that it’s a terrific way to get the simple facts out like: “Dark Matter was one of Syfy’s most-watched scripted shows of 2017!”.

Still, very sweet of him to notice.

Which reminds me.  Amidst all the thank you’s to cast and crew and fans, I neglected my extra special shout-out to the members of the Dark Council, the DM fans behind those Dark Matter FTL Drives that saw our little show trending weeks and days on end.

And so, thank you to…

Hilda Clark Bowen who put in many tireless hours amid the innumerable things she had to juggle in her own life.

Tom Gardiner who fought the good fight and, “coincidentally” had his syfy screener privileges revoked soon after writing an article critical of the show’s cancellation.

Kelli and Lance Zielinski, the dynamic duo and techy twosome who helped lay the groundwork for all those FTL Drives.

Syrine Epiome representing the overseas contingent with a wealth of ideas and some mighty marvelous artwork.

Lo Ren who helped keep the dream alive with some amazing graphics to drive the campaign.

Elise Cochrane, another member of Team Europe, who went above and beyond the call to help spread the word.

Thank you all.

November 6, 2017: Spicing things up!

Back when I last visited Montreal, my sister gave me one of the greatest gifts ever: a bunch of Ghost Chilis and Carolina Reapers she’d grown in her garden.  I love spicy.  Very spicy.  Even so, at roughly 1 million Scoville heat units, it proved a bit of a challenge.    Tasty, but mind-numbingly hot despite the tiny slivered portions and bagel chasers.  The Carolina Reaper, at roughly 2 million Scoville units, was just out of my league.  There is hotter, but it’s weapons grade, better suited to crowd control than eating.

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Scoville pepper type heat scale vector graphic

Still, inspired by my new haul, I returned home and immersed them in oil and garlic for a week, then oven dried them and ground them into a fine powder using my dedicated coffee pepper grinder.  Then, I hit my local farmer’s market and picked up a few more tonsil-ticklers: scorpion chilis, habaneros, chocolate habaneros, fatalis, birds eye chilis, and, of course, those wimpy but no less tasty jalapeños.  They all went into the oven at the very lowest setting for the better part of a day, and then each in turn took a spin in the grinder.  The results were…magical.

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I packed away each powdered pepper in tiny individual plastic containers – perfectly portable for all occasions, although I heeded Akemi’s advice and took the extra step of sealing them in individual  poly-bags.  I mean, next to dousing your pants with lighter and setting a match to them, I can’t imagine anything more unpleasant than a cracked container sprinkling scorpion chilis down the inner lining of your underwear during dinner.

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The Wheel of Fire!

So how high up the Scoville Scale can you climb?