Cesar Torres's Blog, page 15

Berlin: Remembering Christopher Isherwood

I think about Christopher Isherwood sometimes here in Berlin. He is an author I look up to, and one of my personal heroes. He wrote an extensive body of work, and though he's no longer read widely, he was very influential. And yes, he's also put his own stamp on the city of Berlin, where I am writing from. Sure, it's romantic to try to emulate a life like his, but the reality is he lived in a time when it was still pretty tough to be a gay person. You may think the decadence of pre-Holocaust Berlin might have been a piece of cake, but I doubt it.

I first read Isherwood in my twenties, and he influenced me so much. He was committed to craft, but also to his principles as a gay person. He carved out a niche all his own.

Whether you care about queer fiction or you care about literary fiction, you should know Isherwood. This archived interview sheds light on what he was like.

Isherwood didn't spend all his life in Berlin, and yet, he is often linked to this city because of his short stories and other writings. He lived in Berlin for about 4 years, and he left before Hitler came to power. Isherwood is a great reminder of the kinds of lives that can make writers flourish. My stay in Berlin is certainly not as long, but I know this time will be highly influential for me and my writing. I am not sure yet how it will impact my work, and I prefer not to dissect and analyze. Instead, I continue to enjoy Berlin and its strange techno-calm, its hidden cafes and empty streets.

I feel thankful for this opportunity to be here. The world is once again in flux, and it was important for me to see this place as all nations move into a new place.

Incidentally, I wrote 814 new words today in "The Ocean Hunters" today.

It's not you, it's me. Wait. It is you.

Has anyone ever asked your opinion about a toothpaste to get your endorsement of it? Perhaps it was about a tech gadget, maybe even a certain kind of shoe? I think we all have been asked at some point.

Well, unless you were being paid by that brand, you probably thought to yourself, well, I should endorse this if I actually would use it, if I actually believe in it.

Pretty simple logic, if you ask me.

Well, we live in a world with very high sheen, a world of glossy surfaces and marketing messages crafted so tightly that you can't even find a single seam. We live in a world where it's easy to click to "Like" and show your support.

We live in troubled times. Our population won't stop growing, our oceans are going to shit, resources are diminishing, and our democratic institutions are questionable as ever.

It is during times like these that organizations and products, at all levels and sizes, begin to pop up to solve these problems with more intensity than before. We are here to help out! We are here to fix the problem. We are here to create solutions! are familiar lines that come from these places.

It's hard to distill what is an honest sentiment from a need to turn a profit. Perhaps this is nothing new, perhaps I am simply showing my age as I near the mark of forty, and perhaps, if you had known me at 25 years of age, you might have said, "Cesar, don't be naive. You should know better."

Well, I consider myself lucky to live in a country that is responsible for so much global change. I do not think America is bringing down the world or ruining democracy, though certain people in America certainly are.

What I really have a problem with are the snake-oil salesmen of this world, especially the ones wearing the shiny do-gooder badge. This permeates through the corporate and non-profit world, but also through the arts. If you look deep down inside the murky corners of a human heart, can we determine if that heart actually intends to do good? It's hard to know nowadays. It's easy to jump on the bandwagon and call something "green" or "democratic" or "fair trade." But do any of us actually try to find out the story beneath it, to see if these words are actually supported by actions and thoughts? Are any of us willing to completely challenge our frameworks to live differently and actually change injustices?

I certainly think we should try. It's not easy. And my suspicion is that the answers are not found in a board room, in an executive summary or the latest buzzword of hope for yuppies.

I have a feeling that real change is found in daily actions, in daily thought and deed. Coming out of the closet is no easy feat, and yes, I do think it gets better. But the real action is found when someone prevents bullying, when someone comes out to their workplace. Real change happens when we kick start the status quo and perform acts of civil disobedience. Real change comes from not relying on a model and philosophy of accelerated growth and endless profit.

Why would I be writing about this in my blog, you ask? Well, because I do think it's the responsibility of novelists to challenge the world through ideas. Lately I find myself thinking about the manuscripts I have written, and I want my novels to be truthful. I want my fiction to be truthful, and in turn, I want my real-life actions to be truthful. As I look at ideas I have tried to express in my stories, and I also look at choices I have made in years past, I believe that there is a long way for me to go. This isn't to say that I haven't been pursuing a place of truth, but I think I could have gone further with my ideas.

I have met many charlatans in my time, and I wish them well, but I also hope that truth wins out. However, I will not let my words misrepresent me. If I believe in you, I will say it. If I don't, I will not lie.

The core of good books is in this truthful sort of spirit. Some of the most transgressive novels I read as a kid still resound with me thanks to their keen eye on the world. Thank you Gore Vidal, John Updike, Clive Barker, Elena Poniatowska, Harlan Ellison and many more. Even if I just write silly stories about monsters, dragons and killer robots, I want to know that I pursued a truth in my writing. Using words to communicate with the world is powerful, and those of use who do it should wield this power without deceit. This post is a follow up about courage, and as I move further into "The Ocean Hunters," I want to strike truth like a pick axe striking ore, or a machete hitting bone.

And for those of you who have come into contact with me over time, if you have been deceitful about your true intentions, now you know why I am not at your side.

It’s not you, it’s me. Wait. It is you.

Has anyone ever asked your opinion about a toothpaste to get your endorsement of it? Perhaps it was about a tech gadget, maybe even a certain kind of shoe? I think we all have been asked at some point.

Well, unless you were being paid by that brand, you probably thought to yourself, well, I should endorse this if I actually would use it, if I actually believe in it.

Pretty simple logic, if you ask me.

Well, we live in a world with very high sheen, a world of glossy surfaces and marketing messages crafted so tightly that you can’t even find a single seam. We live in a world where it’s easy to click to “Like” and show your support.

We live in troubled times. Our population won’t stop growing, our oceans are going to shit, resources are diminishing, and our democratic institutions are questionable as ever.

It is during times like these that organizations and products, at all levels and sizes, begin to pop up to solve these problems with more intensity than before. We are here to help out! We are here to fix the problem. We are here to create solutions! are familiar lines that come from these places.

It’s hard to distill what is an honest sentiment from a need to turn a profit. Perhaps this is nothing new, perhaps I am simply showing my age as I near the mark of forty, and perhaps, if you had known me at 25 years of age, you might have said, “Cesar, don’t be naive. You should know better.”

Well, I consider myself lucky to live in a country that is responsible for so much global change. I do not think America is bringing down the world or ruining democracy, though certain people in America certainly are.

What I really have a problem with are the snake-oil salesmen of this world, especially the ones wearing the shiny do-gooder badge. This permeates through the corporate and non-profit world, but also through the arts. If you look deep down inside the murky corners of a human heart, can we determine if that heart actually intends to do good? It’s hard to know nowadays. It’s easy to jump on the bandwagon and call something “green” or “democratic” or “fair trade.” But do any of us actually try to find out the story beneath it, to see if these words are actually supported by actions and thoughts? Are any of us willing to completely challenge our frameworks to live differently and actually change injustices?

I certainly think we should try. It’s not easy. And my suspicion is that the answers are not found in a board room, in an executive summary or the latest buzzword of hope for yuppies.

I have a feeling that real change is found in daily actions, in daily thought and deed. Coming out of the closet is no easy feat, and yes, I do think it gets better. But the real action is found when someone prevents bullying, when someone comes out to their workplace. Real change happens when we kick start the status quo and perform acts of civil disobedience. Real change comes from not relying on a model and philosophy of accelerated growth and endless profit.

Why would I be writing about this in my blog, you ask? Well, because I do think it’s the responsibility of novelists to challenge the world through ideas. Lately I find myself thinking about the manuscripts I have written, and I want my novels to be truthful. I want my fiction to be truthful, and in turn, I want my real-life actions to be truthful. As I look at ideas I have tried to express in my stories, and I also look at choices I have made in years past, I believe that there is a long way for me to go. This isn’t to say that I haven’t been pursuing a place of truth, but I think I could have gone further with my ideas.

I have met many charlatans in my time, and I wish them well, but I also hope that truth wins out. However, I will not let my words misrepresent me. If I believe in you, I will say it. If I don’t, I will not lie.

The core of good books is in this truthful sort of spirit. Some of the most transgressive novels I read as a kid still resound with me thanks to their keen eye on the world. Thank you Gore Vidal, John Updike, Clive Barker, Elena Poniatowska, Harlan Ellison and many more. Even if I just write silly stories about monsters, dragons and killer robots, I want to know that I pursued a truth in my writing. Using words to communicate with the world is powerful, and those of use who do it should wield this power without deceit. This post is a follow up about courage, and as I move further into “The Ocean Hunters,” I want to strike truth like a pick axe striking ore, or a machete hitting bone.

And for those of you who have come into contact with me over time, if you have been deceitful about your true intentions, now you know why I am not at your side.

It takes guts to write

I need to talk about guts.

Sometimes we need guts. It is with guts that we perform acts of bravery.

I don't think people will contest the assertion above. Guts, courage, whatever you want to call it — it's what makes us perform amazing feats. Guts help us get out of dangerous situations, too.

I have to admit to you that I have needed my own boost of courage to write in my current manuscript, "The Ocean Hunters." I have needed guts, and I haven't found them. The fear of failure was stopping me, and I needed guts. Recently, I found them.

You didn't see me need the guts to finish that half marathon last September. You didn't see me need guts to fly to Berlin. You didn't see me need guts to take on 2012 by the horns like a wild bull.

No, I needed the most guts to continue in a novel that makes me feel challenged, and makes me feel good. This seems incongruous, I know. Welcome to novel writing.

I have the courage now. The courage to see it through.

I wrote 792 new words today in "The Ocean Hunters." And that took guts. Tomorrow I will do it all over again.

I have eight months to finish this novel [SO REAL]

Greetings, gentle readers.

Up until now, my project "The Ocean Hunters" has remained fairly loose, a set of vignettes that will become a full novel. Up until now, the lack of constraints has allowed me to think about it, to ruminate its ideas, while I run and walk in the streets of Berlin.

We are now in the midst of February, and with firm ideas now in place, the time has come to get real.

Time for structure.

This novel will be my main project of the year, and in order to end up with an actual workable draft, I am going to need to set some goals. These have been coming for sometime, but today, I am writing them down to make them happen.

Screvener tells me I have written 10,472 words thus far in "The Ocean Hunters." I need a complete working manuscript by September. The goal for this work is 90,000 words, and so here we go.

I need 80,000 words over the next eight months. That's 10,000 words a month.

THIS JUST GOT REAL.

Are you willing to follow me on this path? Let's do it.

The last time I wrote clear goals down in this blog, I actually finished my manuscript, and on time ("Carapace"). It's time to do it all over again.

This morning I wrote 600 new words. That's 600 words in the piggy bank. As I hit these mini-deadlines each day, I'll post the word counts on this here blog. If you notice my absence, you know I have done you wrong. If you see me often, it means one day you may see this novel at your favorite retailer.

In other writing news, I am doing some rewrites of a previous novel I wrote, querying again. Feels good.

And onward we go.

Worldcon Participants, Tuesday Funk Wants You!

As some of you know, I have done a few readings at Tuesday Funk in Chicago. It's a great reading series, hosted by Bill Shunn. This summer, they are looking for spec fix writers to round out a special edition of the series tied to Worldcon. This is going to be: pretty awesome.

Tuesday Funk, Chicago's eclectic monthly reading series where good writing and good beer mix, is looking for five writers to fill out a special program of speculative fiction readings on the evening of Tuesday, September 4th, 2012.

Hosted by William Shunn and Sara Ross Witt, Tuesday Funk readings take place the first Tuesday of every month at Hopleaf Bar on Chicago's North Side. Each edition features five writers reading for 12 minutes apiece, plus a "Poem By Bill" and a halftime break for beer.

For its September 4th reading, Tuesday Funk wants to draw on the immense pool of imaginative talent converging on Chicago for Worldcon. If you plan to spend some extra time in Chicago after the con, you are invited to submit your name for consideration. For more information, please visit the Tuesday Funk website.

Full details here.

615 Words, Aching Calves, and 'The Ocean Hunters'

I wrote 615 words today, and they were good words. My pace is slow with my sessions on this novel, but I am writing words almost every single day. That is progress.

I think I have a code name for this project. I am calling it "The Ocean Hunters". As some of you know, my code names often reflect the work, though obliquely. In this current draft, I am really feeling my way in there as if I were blindfolded, and I feel a bit anxious, nervous. This says to me that things are just where they should be in my writing process.

The days are grey here in Berlin, and I like it. Seeing the city in the daylight is my favorite thing. Berlin in the hours of 9 a.m. through 2 p.m. feels mine, and mine alone. Today I ran before my writing session, and I clocked 3 miles at a glacial pace, since I really went at it hard yesterday for four miles. Tomorrow is a day off from writing and that makes me very happy. I have to rest these legs, too.

I have not put writing sessions into my weekends in Berlin, but now that I am moving into my first draft in full, I will want to add Saturdays to my schedule. I still feel very behind on query work, and I must make this time up. My previously written novels are not going to sell themselves.

Today's writing soundtrack reveals a glance back at the past, through the prism of the remix. Book of Love put out some soft and warm pop back then, but their odd remix/mashup of Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls (a haunting AIDS-era anxiety dream) and Tubular Bells of "Exorcist" fame, made for the perfect cut as I myself hacked my way forward in this manuscript.

615 Words, Aching Calves, and ‘The Ocean Hunters’

I wrote 615 words today, and they were good words. My pace is slow with my sessions on this novel, but I am writing words almost every single day. That is progress.

I think I have a code name for this project. I am calling it “The Ocean Hunters”. As some of you know, my code names often reflect the work, though obliquely. In this current draft, I am really feeling my way in there as if I were blindfolded, and I feel a bit anxious, nervous. This says to me that things are just where they should be in my writing process.

The days are grey here in Berlin, and I like it. Seeing the city in the daylight is my favorite thing. Berlin in the hours of 9 a.m. through 2 p.m. feels mine, and mine alone. Today I ran before my writing session, and I clocked 3 miles at a glacial pace, since I really went at it hard yesterday for four miles. Tomorrow is a day off from writing and that makes me very happy. I have to rest these legs, too.

I have not put writing sessions into my weekends in Berlin, but now that I am moving into my first draft in full, I will want to add Saturdays to my schedule. I still feel very behind on query work, and I must make this time up. My previously written novels are not going to sell themselves.

Today’s writing soundtrack reveals a glance back at the past, through the prism of the remix. Book of Love put out some soft and warm pop back then, but their odd remix/mashup of Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls (a haunting AIDS-era anxiety dream) and Tubular Bells of “Exorcist” fame, made for the perfect cut as I myself hacked my way forward in this manuscript.

My Current Novel In Progress: January Update

I am making progress in my current manuscript, and today I wrote 421 new words (and spent time drawing images from the text). As some of you know, I often draw the images from my stories on a notebook in order to help me visualize places or explore the story. I'll post a pic or two to the Tumblr later today.

This update marks my first update in a few months. This year's work is simple. I will finish and polish this current manuscript. For my previous project, I capped the work at 85,000 words, and I think I will need a smiler constraint for this work. I don't have that number yet. My writing sessions are not generating long word counts, and I think I need to make my way forward with more ease in order to not lose momentum.

In essence, I have got to keep writing. With a sizable body of work, I can set some limits to it later on. I will make this decision in February.

For now, I am working in what I feel is my most challenging project to date. This one feels ambitious, in terms of the level of language I want to achieve, but also its potential success to go to market. Wish me luck, Gentle Readers.

My surroundings have helped my writing on this project. As I write this, I am looking out onto the streets of Berlin, and I couldn't feel better about having access to this city while writing this novel. This is a big year for my writing goals.

On the back burner I have more query work happening, since I am still looking for agent representation for my previously written works. As a companion piece to all this writing, I am training for a half marathon. To me, writing and running are companion activities, so we can easily say that 2012′s goals are not modest.

I have missed you, Gentle Readers. My apologies for being gone for so long.

Now I must return to my manuscript, which is currently 9,083 words long.

Crowdsourcing an Author Bio

I will be reading a brand new story at Tuesday Funk on November 1 at the Hopleaf.

My bio is due later this week. What do you like to see in an author bio? Want to give me some tips on what I should include?

Help me, Lovers.