Yahtzee Croshaw's Blog, page 4

didn't sleep well

Go to www.teamfortress.com. There's an image at the top of the page showing the 9 different characters. When you mouse over each character they become highlighted, indicating that they can be clicked on to go to their profile page.

And if you very slowly move the mouse cursor from one character to another, you'll find there's a tiny little gap as you cross from one character to the next. A brief moment when both characters become de-highlighted. Like there's a little channel separating the hotspots. This happens everywhere where one character's graphic joins another.

BUT.

There is one exception: the join between the Scout and the Soldier. If you mouse over and highlight the Scout and slowly scroll over to the Soldier, or vice versa, one highlights and the other simultaneously de-highlights. There is no separating border where both become de-highlighted.

If you mouse over the Scout and move to the Pyro, the gap is there. If you mouse over the Soldier and move to the Engineer, the gap is there. If you mouse over any other character and move to its next-door neighbour, every single time, there is a gap. It's just between the Scout and Soldier where there is no gap. It is impossible to position your mouse between them without highlighting either.

WHAT

DOES

THIS

MEAN

Merlin' In A Winter Wonderland

Merry Christmas, viewers. Here's a present for you: Gabriel finally managed to dislodge his thumb from its usual comfort zone (up his butt) to record a gameplay video of Young Merlin. Then we jabbered over it, as is our funny little way, for the benefit of any other total saddoes who have nothing better to do throughout the Christmas season than watch Youtube videos.

The game turned out to be a bit slow and backtracky, so our conversation had a slightly unfortunate tendency to drift back to cocks a lot.

Green X And Com

The above image of a random recruit in X-Com: Enemy Unknown comes courtesy of Jacob, via my email. He assures me that it came from a friend's game and that he didn't edit the name or callsign beyond what the game assigned it. So either Jacob's friend is a big fat liar, or I am officially being shouted out by the developers of X-Com. That was nice of you, developers of X-Com! Look out for my ZP review in the next few weeks! Hope it doesn't jeopardise my new career as a space marine!

Release Day

   Happy Jam day! My new book's now released! Let's celebrate with a toast. Toast and jam.

Strawberry Fields Forever

So, the release of my new book is very very soon. In case anyone missed it, I wrote a little survival guide to being trapped in a Jam situation for the Dark Horse blog. Here's a little taster:

Q. Is there any protection from the jam?

A. First of all, the suggestion that peanut butter might counteract the jam has long stopped being funny.

It has been observed that absorbable substances (vegetable matter, wood, organic fabrics, flesh, etc.) can be safely immersed in the jam if they are completely sealed in an unabsorbable substance (metal, stone, plastic, molten lava, etc.). Wrapping your limbs in several layers of plastic bags may provide enough protection to recover vital objects from the jam, such as prescription medication. Citizens doing so, however, must accept full responsibility for any subsequent downturn in fortune and/or bodily mass.

The only surefire protection from the jam is to remain indoors, at least one story above ground level, in a nonwooden building.

Q. I was in a wooden building, outdoors, or on the ground floor at the moment the jam arrived. What can I do?

A. You are currently dead. Since you are reading this, we would like to suggest that you resolve whatever issues of the flesh keep you fettered to the mortal realm.

For more advice to live by, click here for the full article.

How Enchanting

Let's Play. Curse of Enchantia. That is all.

And the next one will come up at around half past when we fucking feel like it. I don't know how clear I can make this but no amount of nagging on comments and Twitter will expediate new LPs because we both have other work to do and this is an indulgent side hobby at best. So shut your face.

Mogworld The Audiobook

 THE AUDIOBOOK!Click here to buy from iTunes!Click here to buy from Audible!
Ho yes, this is actually a thing that is being done. Bet you thought I was hoping you'd forgotten about the promise of a Mogworld audiobook, right? That I'd been spending these quiet months sitting around in my pants eating Spotted Dick from the can? Oh ye of little faith. Actually it was Heinz Sticky Toffee Pudding. But importantly, there was a microphone set up next to my fat mouth and I recorded Mogworld between syrupy gulps.

It came to over 13 hours in length and about 1.4GB in total, it's fully unabridged and narrated by me, and let me tell you this: having to listen to thirteen hours of your own voice four or five times over for editing purposes has got to be someone's idea of an ironic Hell.

It's being published by the obliging chaps at Open Book Audio, and after a fairly lengthy approvals process it is now available on the big audiobook networks, meaning iTunes and Audible.com. But if you're one of those tiresome indie types it's also available on a few smaller networks. A full list of places that are selling it can be found on Mogworld's Open Book Audio page.

I'll answer the obvious question: no, I don't read it at Zero Punctuation speeds because that would be mental, and the audiobook format calls for a gentler, more relaxing approach than a hate-ridden 5 minute internet video. And incidentally un-learning how to talk fast was really hard and someone had better appreciate it.

The Big Post With All The Panels On It

Well, I've literally just arrived back from Escapist Expo, in case you were looking for an explanation for why there's no Zero or Extra Punctuation this week. It's 'cos I spent all last week in North Carolina being handsome and wonderful. Here's proof!

My Favourite Game (click here for video)

This was the first panel I was on, and the first panel of the expo, in which I, Graham Stark, Jim Sterling, Gavin Dunne and Cory Rydell discuss our favourite games. Watch as I get a bit too into talking about my extremely predictable choice.

QA With The Escapists #1 (click here for video)

With the microphone situation slightly improved, the first day closed with a basic Escapist Q&A with all the above names as well as Paul Saunders, Moviebob, Chris Pranger and Dr. Mark Kline.

Fanboyism (click here for video)

Things got heavier on my first panel of the second day as I rejoined Jim Sterling - with whom I was developing a curiously natural stage chemistry - as well as Paul, Bob and Dr. Mark to discuss fanboyism and why people are shit.

The Hour of Love (click here for video)

And here's the big one, the Hour of Love with me and Jim (and also, from half way onwards, a slightly hungover Moviebob) are forced against our will to think of something positive to say about entities suggested by the audience. I was pleased and astonished that no-one brought up that pony thing.

Other videos of other panels will be posted when the Escapist puts them up. In the meantime, I'm going to have a long sleep. Right now, on this keyboard. oesaf,.s;///////////

24 Hour Panel People

 So things have been very busy lately partly because of the above and partly because of some things I've been working on on the quiet that I should be able to provide less vague news on very soon, but the Escapist Expo is just weeks away (specifically 2 of the buggers at time of writing) and there's still time to register, North American peeps! Also there's a facebook page you can join now, and I've been provided with a list of panels I'll be taking part in over the weekend of 14-16 September. Presumably there will be other panels that don't have me in them, but this is my blog so they're not my responsibility. Let's have a look-see:



Fanboyism Time: Saturday, 12:00 P.M. Location: King’s Landing Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Columnist at The Escapist), Paul Saunders (Writer & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)Description: Fanboys. We all know one, and some of us may even be one. Like it or not, “fanboyism” is a massive force in nearly all social circles, either online or as part of your local gaming group. But what’s the impact the phenomenon really has on our culture? Escape to the Movies host Bob Chipman and Jimquistion star Jim Sterling tackle the issues alongside Dr. Mark Kline, and Paul Saunders from LRR.
Hour of Love Time: Sunday, 12:00 P.M. Location: King’s Landing Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer, Media Sandwich), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Ask Dr. Mark)Description: Hour of Love sets out to answer one important question: what if some of your favorite gaming critics were all put in one room and only allowed to say nice things for an entire hour? Dr. Mark Kline moderates as The Escapist contributors must all swallow their bile and think about nothing but rainbows instead.
How to Review Games Time: Saturday, 1:30 P.M. Location: King’s Landing Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)Description: Reviewing videogames looks easy, but it takes more than just playing something and writing about it – especially if you want to keep an audience entertained. Learn the art behind the entertainment as the minds behind Zero Punctuation, Game OverThinker, and Unskippable discuss the tools they use to take games apart.
My Favorite Game Time: Friday, 12:00 P.M. Location: King’s Landing Panel: Janelle Bonanno (Business Developer at The Escapist), Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Cory Rydell (Critical Miss), Gavin Dunne (Miracle of Sound), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition)Description: Everyone has that one game that they put on a pedestal. The one game that you measure all other games against.  The Escapist contributors talk about their favorite games and why they will always compare new titles to the one game that provided the perfect mix of character, story, and skill challenge.
Q&A with The Escapists Time: Friday and Saturday, 4:30P.M. Location: Kings’s Landing Panel: Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun), Cory Rydell (Critical Miss), Gavin Dunne (Miracle of Sound), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Ask Dr. Mark), Paul Saunders (Writer & Producer at LoadingReadyRun) You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers. If you’ve ever wondered how Yahtzee learned to talk so fast, why MovieBob hates Michael Bay, why Jim is banned from Konami events or if Gavin really is that bad at Call of Duty, now’s your chance to ask. Escapist staff will be pulling questions directly from the audience, so be ready to be curious.
Return of the Sequel 2 Time: Friday, 3:00 P.M. Location: King’s Landing Panel: Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)Description: Every year, it seems like there’s more and more sequels out there. We’re told that merely putting a “2” at the end of a game’s title increases the chance for monetary success, but the cost is a shortage of original concepts, settings and ideas. Yahtzee, Movie Bob, Chris Pranger and Graham Stark headline this all-star panel discussing the preponderance of sequels and their influence on movies, games and culture.


That's your lot, so make notes in your diaries, attendees. I'm quite looking forward to all this, the topics sound like I can get a decent gush on, and that second one in particular should be quite the spectacle, I think. Mighty good fun this convention season lark, right readers?

No involvement by Brian Cox

What time is it? It's Let's Play Manhunter time! And apparently the reason why it took so long is because Gabriel couldn't play it for more than ten minutes at a time without falling into some kind of trance.