Atlantic Monthly Contributors's Blog, page 844

'It's a Wonderful Life' vs. 'White Christmas': Which is Christmas-ier?

RKO Radio Pictures/Paramount

All month, we've been pitting Christmas classics against each other to determine which is more Christmas-y. Today, it's the ultimate challenge: It's a Wonderful Life versus White Christmas. 

It's a Wonderful Life is the 1946 Frank Capra film starring Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, who learns, thanks to an angel, that life is worth living. White Christmas is Michael Curtiz's 1954 musical with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye about an inn in Vermont that just can't get any snow. 

It's a Wonderful Life will be argued for by Joe, and Esther will take the case of White Christmas.

White Christmas

Here's the deal, I know I'm on the losing side of this battle. It's a Wonderful Life is the Christmas classic, White Christmas is a bit of 1950s ephemera. But White Christmas is my favorite Christmas movie, so I am here to defend it. (Note: I will not defend that from that very regrettable and ultimately irrelevant production number in which Bing, Danny, and Rosemary sing about minstrel shows.) 

Both It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas are Christmas movies that, in some ways, don't have a lot to do with Christmas throughout most of the movie, but have a grand Christmas-y ending. Most of It's a Wonderful Life charts, well, George Bailey's life and financial troubles. White Christmas is about putting on a show to help a down on his luck general who owns an inn in Vermont. Now, tell me, would you rather be watching a movie about the housing market in a small town and a man's crushed dreams that is engineered to make you sob at the end, or a movie about show business that is engineered to make you smile at the end? Shouldn't we be smiling on Christmas? 

Really though, knowing that most will side with Joe here, here's what I will argue: it's about the music. Christmas is synonymous with Christmas music and White Christmas was, in a way, built to showcase Irving Berlin's classic tune, also sung by Bing Crosby in the 1942 movie Holiday Inn. So why is White Christmas the Christmas-ier movie? Because it's a movie that celebrates music—okay, okay "The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing" isn't really a Christmas song, but still—and that's part and parcel with this season. The plot (yes, there is a plot that's not just singing and dancing) is about helping those people that have had an impact on your life, the people that you may have forgotten. Bing and Danny's characters, Bob and Phil, do everything they do to help the man who led them during WWII. (This is a quintessential piece of post-War entertainment.) 

Plus, every Christmas movie should have a Martha Graham parody dance number. That's just a fact.

It's a Wonderful Life

I'm not sure what this is, Esther. Is this a trap? Are you admitting defeat early so that I will go easy on you? Only to spring a trap on me at the last minute? Well, I won't fall for it. 

Like, okay, you're right about the music. Your movie is filled with toe-tapping numbers, and "White Christmas" itself is a superior song to anything that It's a Wonderful Life has to offer, which ultimately boils down to "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" and "Buffalo Gals Won't You Come Out Tonight." 

I think what we have here are two very different visions of Christmas for two very different kinds of people. White Christmas is for people who see Christmas as a cause for celebration, extroverted merry-making, good times with good friends, and showing off your talents. It's a Wonderful Life is a movie for people who see Christmas as a time for self-reflection, for taking inventory at the end of another year, and for thinking about what's important in your life. It's certainly a less-fun way of celebrating the holiday, but I think it's the more enduring holiday classic because deep down, we're all a very self-obsessed people. Ultimately, we all want to know that the world would suck immeasurably if we were not in it.

       

Yes, Megyn, There Is a Black Santa (in the WWE)

WWE via YouTube

On last night's WWE Raw, a black "Good Santa" saved Christmas by heroically crushing a white "Bad Santa" — and refuting Megyn Kelly's assertion that "Santa just is white."

Bad Santa, Damien Sandow, was intent on canceling Christmas in the name of personal responsibility — as one of the fight's commentators noted, "This is good for kids worldwide: they have to work for their gifts!" 

via IGN

But Good Santa, the gargantuan Mark Henry, had other plans: 

Things started badly for Good Santa, though: 

For a while it looked like Christmas would be canceled: 

But Good Santa had a few tricks up his sleeve: 

Christmas is saved! 

Good Santa later smashed Christmas cupcakes in Bad Santa's face.

Still from WWE Raw

It was also a victory for liberals. Good Santa's promise of charity defeated Bad Santa's belief that kids should have to "work for their gifts." Despite conventional wisdom that WWE fans are conservative — and former CEO Linda McMahon running for Senate as a Republican in 2012 — its storylines often promote liberal ideas, especially about diversity. A 2010 survey found that "fans of WWE wrestling are about 59% more Democratic than the average American." In February, the WWE featured Tea Party-esque characters who railed that he saw so many faces "not like mine." One complained, "Where did all these people come from?" He got huge boos.

It was a close call last night, but ultimately good prevailed over evil, and Megyn Kelly was proven wrong, once and for all, with  yesterday's revelation that Macy's has a black Santa, too. There's a silver lining in this for Fox, though: the War on Christmas was won, and Christmas was saved, all by a black Santa.

       

San Diego Zoo's Malayan Tiger Killed Omaha Zoo's Malayan Tiger

AP

For many, the first time is a let down at best and an awkward disaster at worst. For four-year-old Malayan tiger Tiga Tahun, it was fatal.

Tiga Tahun was supposed to mate with Connor, 2, at the San Diego Zoo. It was the first mating session for both tigers.

Though things got off on the right foot at first -- "a good start," the AP said -- Connor soon displayed "aggressive behavior." Tiga Tahun sustained fatal wounds to her neck before zookeepers could intervene.

According to the Los Angeles Times' account of the attack, only one zookeeper was monitoring the session to make sure things didn't get out of hand, even though tigers are known to do this kind of thing and both tigers involved were inexperienced. "More mature animals know how to keep it from being lethal," a zoo spokeswoman told LAT.

Connor is owned by the San Diego Zoo. Tiga Tahun belonged to Omaha Zoo, but was brought to San Diego to mate with Connor in the hopes that they would add a few more Malayan Tigers to the species count (there are only 500 of them in the wild). Instead, we lost one. The Omaha Zoo is probably isn't too thrilled with the San Diego Zoo right now.

This is not the first time a Malayan tiger from San Diego Zoo murdered a prospective lover. In 2011, Seri, a three-year-old female, killed El Paso Zoo's Wzui, possibly because Wzui was paying too much attention to another woman, the 15-year-old Melor.

Fortunately, Fresno Zoo's Malayan tiger, Mek, was recently discovered to be pregnant with two (possibly three) cubs. So, if you want your endangered tigers bred safely, it's probably best to go there instead of San Diego. Especially since Connor is San Diego's only Malayan tiger right now. And probably for a while.

       

McDonald's Advises Its Employees To Stay Away From Fast Food

via CNBC

A McDonalds website providing resources to its employees advises against eating hamburgers, fries and sodas. CNBC first noticed the latest in a series of strange pieces of advice provided by the fast food company to its employees. "While convenient and economical for a busy lifestyle," McDonalds says of its primary product, "fast foods are typically high in calories, fat, saturated fat, sugar, and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight." 

It goes on: "In general, people with high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease must be very careful about choosing fast food because of its high fat, salt, and sugar levels." CNBC notes that the content here comes from a third party, A.D.A.M., Inc., credited at the bottom of the page. You can browse similar advice from the company on eating healthy here. A spokesperson for McDonalds told CNBC that the company would examine the content in question. Here's another sample: 

You'll notice that the advice above isn't a total condemnation of fast food offerings as a whole: it is "not impossible" to eat healthy foods at a fast food restaurant. But it is "more of a challenge." McDonald's, after all, sells salads. But the company is also so closely associated to its burger and fries staples that the generic "fast food" image in the advice graphic is shown wearing a distinctive McDonald's red. 

As strange as this seems, the bigger question seems to be how McDonald's employees would be able to afford healthier food on the wages they earn slinging burgers. Earlier this year, a McDonald's worker recorded an employee hotline counselor telling her to apply for food stamps. McDonald's also advises employees to break their food up into smaller pieces to stave off hunger and stretch their food budgets. The company has some holiday advice, too: workers should return their Christmas presents for a refund to boost their budgets. And then there's the company's budget advice to its minimum wage workers: get a second job to cover living expenses. That budget, by the way, didn't include money for heat, gas, or food. 

       

'A Charlie Brown Christmas' vs. 'The Grinch': Which Is Christmas-ier?

Paramount Home Video/Warner Home Video

All month, we've been pitting Christmas classics against each other to determine which is more Christmas-y. Today, it's two classic animated TV specials: Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! versus A Charlie Brown Christmas. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas, in which Charlie Brown's typical malaise leads him to learn the true meaning of the holiday, premiered in 1965. A year later, we got the TV adaptation of Dr. Seuss' book about a mean, green thing trying to take Christmas away from the happy Whos of Whoville. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas will be defended by Esther and How the Grinch Stole Christmas! will be defended by Joe. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Let me start by saying that amid all the Vince Guaraldi tunes and Snoopy bits, this movie is actually surprisingly religious when you really think about it. If we're talking about just how Christmas-y A Charlie Brown Christmas is, let's not forget in the fact that Linus' big speech about what Christmas is all about is actually biblical. Charlie Brown says, defiantly, walking home with his little tree: "Linus is right, I won't let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas." So, if we want to define "Christmas-y" as being about the actual holiday that Christians celebrate on December 25, A Charlie Brown Christmas is pretty darn Christmas-y. 

But it's not just the religious that makes A Charlie Brown Christmas the winner here. Though a product of the '60s, A Charlie Brown Christmas still perfectly encapsulates the anxiety that surrounds this season. Charlie Brown, that classic juvenile depressive, captures the stress of feeling like you're not being as jolly as you should be when everyone else is caroling and decorating. Charlie Brown is serious stuff; The Grinch is a trifle. 

On top of that, and perhaps ironically given the special's message of consumerism, A Charlie Brown Christmas is now simply a part of all of our Christmases. Guaraldi's brilliant soundtrack plays on loop and they even sell Charlie Brown Christmas trees. 

Finally, Snoopy is the better cartoon dog than Max. Case closed. 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Wow, you're giving me so many avenues to take to victory, I hardly know which one to embark on first! I'll go from last to first:

Snoopy is an asshole. There. It had to be said. He's an aloof jerk who expects Charlie Brown to wait on him hand and foot, all while he shows zero loyalty. He also interjects those interminable Red Baron interludes into half of Charlie's animated specials, like in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Max is loyal and courageous and helpful even when the Grinch is a rotten jerk to him. Max is better than all of us. Don't come for Max. 

The crux of this conflict, however, is that we have two films here that are going for the same anti-consumerist message: Christmas is about more than things. As you mention, Charlie Brown posits that, just as these t-shirts say, Jesus is the reason for the season. Which is a good message for a great many people. But it's also pretty limiting to anybody who falls outside traditional Christian denominations. What The Grinch says is that the indomitable Christmas spirit is in the sense of community and togetherness it engenders in its celebrants. And, to go even further, that spirit was always there. The one malcontent at the beginning of the story just had to notice it and believe it. Contrast that with Charlie Brown, where everybody really is just a relentless dick to Charlie Brown, until they all decide to feel sorry for him and decorate his sad little tree. 

Which, okay, I will grant you that the sad little Charlie Brown Christmas Tree is a more indelible Christmas image than the tree in The Grinch that folds up like an umbrella. You also probably take the crown when it comes to the music, but only because regular people feel self-conscious singing "Da-Hoo-Doris" in mixed company.

Here's why The Grinch is the more quintissentially Christmas-y movie, though: way more people have felt the way the Grinch does than have felt the way Charlie Brown does. Way more people have looked at a group of people celebrating the holidays together—all happy and smiling and loud and singing and enjoying the nice presents they've given each other— and thought, essentially, "Ugh." That's basically the Grinch. He's a lonely guy who looks at people who have loved ones and happiness and thinks, "What a bunch of loud jerks. They must be jerks." We've all done it at one point or another.

We've certainly done that more often than we've sat down with our depressed grade-schooler pals and intellectualized our position on the commercialization of Christmas with regard to doghouse-decorating contests. 

 

       

The Nefarious Link Between Santa and the U.S. Military

AP

Various government agencies have rushed to put out "funny" or "cute" press releases about Santa's upcoming visit to the United States. But this situation isn't endearing; rather, it reveals an insidious arrangement between our nation's military and a man who tracks the behavior of every child in the world. Edward Snowden barely scratched the surface.

As you're no doubt aware, NORAD —  the North American Aerospace Defense Command — has tracked Santa's trip across North America since 1955. It began, legend has it, with a typo in a Sears circular that led to confused phone calls to America's premiere air defense facility. Since then the agency has created increasingly complex tracking tools to follow St. Nick. This year's version (available for your browser, iPhone, or iPad!) was developed with Microsoft, the company that sells the operating system on most desktop computers.

That fabled 1955 typo, it's important to note, came only months after then-President Eisenhower announced America's entry into the space race. NORAD's relationship with Santa wasn't an historical accident. It was a military necessity, aimed at allying the country with a leader in high-atmosphere travel.

Other agencies have lined up alongside NORAD, offering flat statements of fact in the guise of light-hearted holiday banter. The Department of Agriculture announced today that it had "issued a movement permit to Mr. S. Claus of the North Pole, a broker with Worldwide Gifts, Unlimited," that allows him to bring nine reindeer through American airspace — even waiving the normal $150 permit fee. Santa's good fortune during a time of imposed austerity is, at a minimum, suspicious.

Idaho's Mountain Home Air Force Base was less discrete in its release.  The missive alerts the nation of its preparedness, beginning: "What would the world be like if Santa was shot down by a [rocket-propelled grenade]?" The rest of the release outlines that the base is ready to prevent a terrorist from downing Santa's sleigh. It cites various staffers who, among other things, have "flown multiple sorties in the skies over Afghanistan, providing close-air support to servicemembers battling insurgents."

[W]hy would anyone want to kill such a jolly chap - an old fella' who only wants to bring smiles to children's faces? Some maintain it's not that strange of an idea. After all, terrorists would destroy a school or other humanitarian project in a heartbeat. ...

"There's no doubt that insurgents would try to kill Santa Claus," said [Master Sgt. Brian] Chris. "However, with the low reliability of an RPG, I imagine they'd be using an SA-7 Man-Portable Air Defense System, or MANPADS."

A quick survey of the news out of other bases around the world makes obvious just how closely Santa works with our military. In September, he stopped by NORAD to outline his planned flight route, a necessary precaution in these dangerous times. Over the past month, he's repeatedly spent weekends travelling to various military installations around the world — Alaska on November 22, Kyrgyzstan on December 7, Eglin Air Force Base two days later. (He also visited Moody Air Force Base, yielding the unfortunate headline, "Santa visits Moody children.")

The map below shows how Santa has hopscotched around the world, according to military press releases. It is inconceivable that he has time to manage toy production in light of this schedule .

If you think that this is the trade-off, robust security in exchange for a few visits to military bases, you're being naive. Over the past six months, we've learned the National Security Agency's detailed plans to collect every bit of information possible. Santa and the NSA, then, work in concert: The former uses his intel on behavior to inform the latter, which crunches the numbers and assists Santa in his naughty/nice determinations. It's PRISM, but for kids. You can't spell "Santa" without N-S-A.

All it takes to get favored treatment from the United States government is a little backscratching. Don't be fooled. The conspiracy only starts at the North Pole. It ends at the base of your chimney.

       

Fighting Irish Lose Court Battle Over Contraception Mandate

President Obama was the commencement speaker at Notre Dame's graduation in 2009. He probably won't be invited back. (AP)

Notre Dame lost its second legal challenge against the Affordable Care Act's contraception mandate, according to the school. Notre Dame tweeted on Monday that it was disappointed by the results of the case, but planned to challenge the ruling a third time: 

Notre Dame is disappointed in the denial of our request for relief from the HHS mandate. The University has appealed the decision.

— Notre Dame (@NotreDame) December 23, 2013

In general, religious institutions and schools are exempt from the Obamacare mandate to provide employees with contraceptives and employees receive contraceptives directly from the insurer. However, it does not apply to Notre Dame because the school is one of a handful that self-insures and pays all employee medical costs.

The administration had tried to reach a compromise with the school. As explained by The Hill, the university would have notified its health plan administrator of its anti-contraceptives position, and the administrators would have told the employees about alternatives for getting birth control coverage. The parties could not reach a decision which led to the lawsuit. The previous suit was thrown out because the mandate hadn't yet taken effect.

Notre Dame is one of just a handful of religious schools that self-insures, and judges have been split on whether the contraceptive mandate violates religious freedoms. On Friday a district court judge in Washington threw out the Catholic Church's lawsuit against the mandate, according to Bloomberg, because the law no longer requires them to “provide, pay for, or facilitate access to contraception,” for their employees. That same day, an Oklahoma district court granted 200 evangelical ministries an exemption from the mandate. 

Of course, these are just a handful of the many legal challenges against Obamacare, a law that seems to split opinions at every turn. Even the "issue" of providing contraceptives to women isn't cut and dry among the religious community. While the Catholic Church works to overturn the mandate, Hispanic evangelicals have been supporting the law, arguing that the good it does (providing insurance) outweighs the bad (breaking from religious opinions on contraceptives), according to Politico. Rhona Cohen, a health care advocate who works with evangelical churches, told Politico that most people are primarily concerned with whether they can afford health insurance. For most lay people, the contraceptive mandate isn't actually a deal breaker. 

       

Ohio Decision Chips Away at the State's Same-Sex Marriage Ban

Reuters

Ohio became the second state in a few days to find itself the subject of a federal ruling against a ban on same-sex marriages.

Legally-married same-sex couples living in Ohio will have their marriages recognized on death certificates after a very narrow federal ruling on Monday. "Once you get married lawfully in one state, another state cannot summarily take your marriage away," the decision from District Court Judge Timothy S. Black reads. Black found that the U.S. Constitution's Due Process clause prohibits Ohio from refusing to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states on death certificates. 

Today's decision will only affect one narrow set of circumstances. It stems from a lawsuit filed by two gay men living in Ohio, both of whom had recently deceased spouses. The ruling doesn't effect, say, the state's standing refusal to recognize out-of-state same-sex marriages. However, Black's language, outside of his statements on what his decision will change, is pretty broad. For instance: 

The question is presented whether a state can do what the federal government cannot – i.e., discriminate against same-sex couples … simply because the majority of the voters don’t like homosexuality (or at least didn’t in 2004). Under the Constitution of the United States, the answer is no. 

"When a state effectively terminates the marriage of a same-sex couple 
married in another jurisdiction," Black adds,  "it intrudes into the realm of private marital, family, and intimate relations specifically protected by the Supreme Court." Black dismissed Ohio's arguments against the couples by noting that:

Defendants have not provided evidence of any state interest compelling enough to counteract the harm Plaintiffs suffer when they lose, simply because they are in Ohio, the immensely important dignity, status, recognition, and protection of lawful marriage.

That language, it seems, could enable more legal challenges to the state's ban. But Ohio might not have to wait for more lawsuits, as a somewhat surprising development out of Utah could eventually result in an even broader decision. On Friday, a federal judge struck down the entirety of Utah's same-sex marriage ban, throwing the heavily-Mormon state into something of a limbo on the issue. Because the federal judge declined to place a stay on his decision to allow the marriages to go forward. As a result,  same-sex couples were able to get married more or less instantly — at least in some counties.

Those marriages will continue in the near future, but the final status of the state's laws remains up in the air as Utah's attorney general has promised to appeal. The Utah case centers around questions of equal protection and due process, similar to what was seen in the recent legal challenge to California's Proposition 8. And while the Supreme Court's decision in that case only affected California, Utah's case seems to be an opportunity for the Supreme Court to weigh in on the constitutionality of state-level same sex marriage bans. 

       

The 13 Best 'Saturday Night Live' Sketches of 2013

Year's end is upon us, therefore we must go back and watch as many Saturday Night Live sketches as possible. 

We did make some rules for this year in review, because while chaos adds to the excitement of live television, we bloggers are anxiety prone. That much excitement gives us the shakes. So we could only choose one sketch per episode. Those are the rules and, for better or worse, we stuck to them. 

The show changed dramatically after losing Fred Armisen, Bill Hader and Jason Sudeikis mid-year, and then adding six new faces upon its return. Despite the losses, all in all, 2013 was a strong year for SNL. Without further ado, our choices for the best sketches this year. 

Honorable mention: We couldn't find a way to add a nod to Cecily Strong's dearly departed Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation with at a Party. Which I guess makes us part of the problem. What problem is that, you ask? Exactly. 

The 13 Best Saturday Night Live Sketches of 2013

Protective Brother
(aired on: February 9th; host: Justin Bieber)

So much of the Justin Bieber-hosted episode involved the show commenting on Bieber's youthful magnetism and also in harassing him without mercy. Taran Killam's Eward, protective older brother and relentless teaser, managed to give both to Bieber in the same lunatic sketch. Killam's the whole show here, escalating Edward's taunts and trying his damnedest to make Bieber crack. (Vanessa Bayer, as usual, is a pillar of quiet dignity from the sidelines.) — J.R.

Olya Povlatsky
(aired: February 16th; host: Christoph Waltz)

After a meteor crashed into a village in Russia and became something of a YouTube sensation, Weekend Update brought villager Olya Povlatsky in from her home in the remote Ural mountains to report on the events. Kate McKinnon is in her element at the Update desk playing strange women from far-away lands. She ticks off the harsh details of Olya's life, from the wild dogs to the neverending cold to the interminably long time they had to wait for Kelis's "Milkshake." — J.R.

Z-Shirt
(aired: March 2nd; host: Kevin Hart)

Hart's wired energy while asking Tim Robinson whether he's wearing "an A-shirt," or "a B-shirt," and so on and so forth while the two friends hang out, shoot hoops and slap hands in a neon, graffiti-covered dreamscape straight out of a toy commercial you'd see on Fox Kids stuck with me as highlight for the year. The sketch nailed all the hallmarks of a commercial from my childhood, which helped, but the kinetic energy Hart brings to the table was the surface covering the sadness of a friendship gone awry that flowed underneath this sketch. Robinson feels legitimately worried for his friend who can't stop asking the same question. Eventually, Robinson gets fed up with Hart and realizes his friend is dead inside. Later, at Robinson's mother's funeral, Hart interrupts Robinson's eulogy to finish the job. — C.S.

Aw Nuts! Mom’s A Ghost
(aired: March 11th; host: Kristen Wiig)

Crossing iCarly and The Grudge in a commercial parody does not scream "2013" or "relevance" very much, but the sketch was still well-executed and, most importantly, made me laugh. Cecily Strong and Bobby Moynihan are Haley and Max—two kids whose mom (Wiig) became a Korean water ghost after getting murdered by a South Korean big shot business man. Strong is perfect as the innocent, sassy teen who would star in a Disney show, and Wiig sucks the life out of a science teacher before turning around to say, "We can't tell dad about this," with mom's patented "do this or else" finger wag. What more do you need? — C.S.

Honey-Baked Ham
(aired: April 6th; host: Melissa McCarthy)

In her turns hosting SNL, Melissa McCarthy has brought a sense of physical comedy that's become pretty rare as of late. That's not just limited to falling down, either, as evident in this fantastic sketch where McCarthy plays Jean Carrera, an entrant in the Honey-Baked Ham Bake-Off who's intent on upping her presentational game. There are few things funnier than deadpan choreography, and McCarthy nails it in a routine that is both naively sweet and admirably workmanlike. I don't know who decided that ham was the funniest of our dinner meats, but it is. It really is. (Okay, yes, that person was probably Tina Fey, now that we think of it.) — J.R.

[Somehow, McCarthy's episode fell in between the cracks of the transfer of SNL short-form clips from Hulu to Yahoo. The full McCarthy-hosted episode is on Hulu, and we’ve also linked to the clip elsewhere, if you click on the sketch's title above.]

Martha Stewart on Match.com
(aired: May 4th; host: Zach Galifianakis)

Online dating is so common that even Martha Stewart does it, "because I want a successful man, for intercourse." Kate MacKinnon grabbed the Martha Stewart torch and handled it "rough, like a rustic burlap wedding invitation," similar to how she likes her men. Kidding! MacKinnon handled the sketch with the "simple elegance of a good bang." Okay, now I'm just giving away all the best lines. But in a year when MacKinnon broke out from the pack, this sketch stood out from her impressive 2013 body of work. — C.S.

Herman's Handbags
(aired: May 18th; host: Ben Affleck)

The Saboski Crystals porn stars had already reprised their sketch once in the early months of 2013, and while Vanessa Bayer, Cecily Strong, and Justin Timberlake delivered ably, there was a strong sense that the air was rapidly running out of the concept. Which is what makes this third iteration, with Ben Affleck stepping in as big-nutted Girth Brooks, such an accomplishment. The jokes in this one might have been even funnier than the original sketch, particularly the E.T. and glass-ceiling bits. And the normally impenetrable Bayer very nearly breaks when describing how her eye was nearly sucked out by a butt. Proud day for everyone. — J.R.

Airport Boarding
(aired: September 28th; host: Tina Fey)

So, okay, with our self-imposed rule of one sketch per episode, we were at something of an impasse with regard to the Tina Fey-hosted season premiere. We very much wanted to show some love to the Girls parody and Tina's delightfully frank Blerta (plus Kate McKinnon's stellar Jessa), but ultimately, we thought the degree of difficulty in making yet another comment on the indignity of airports improbably won the day. Fey and Taran Killam were on-point and deadpan in their jabs at graph-makers, selectively-understanding Italians, and people who clap when the plane lands. Plus, hats off to the prop people for making a hilariously oversized carry-on for what amounted to a two-second gag. Nine out of ten farters agree — J.R.

Bar Mitzvah Boy Jacob
(aired: October 5; host: Miley Cyrus)

Jacob made his triumphant return to the Update desk late in late October, and he was startled by the big changes. Cecily Strong's presence shocked him a bit, but Seth Meyers made sure he was as comfortable as he usually is explaining Judaism and delivering his awkward, pre-pubescent punchlines to the world. — C.S.

The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders
(aired: October 26th; host: Edward Norton)

Like The New York Times, SNL has us at Wes Anderson. It was clear "The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders" would make every year-end list from the moment it aired. Norton, who is pals with Anderson, beautifully skewered his friend's style—the roster of murderers straight from Brooklyn, the communiques by paper airplane, the stop-motion mouse. There are references to every single Anderson movie in here, but at this point his style is so widely-recognized that you don't need to get them all for this sketch to resonate. Everything is so perfectly and distinctly him that the sketch transcends any hipster inclusiveness. It's just damn funny. — C.S.

Cartoon Catch Phrase
(aired: November 2nd; host: Kerry Washington)

No cast member made bigger strides from the beginning of the year to the end than Aidy Bryant, who went from barely-used newbie to invaluable cast member and all-star portrayer of women (and girls, re: "Girlfriends Talk Show") on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Here, she elevates a deeply stupid Cartoon Network game show parody by virtue of her desperate humiliations at the hands of her cheating husband, Duane. Oh, Duane. — J.R.

Jebidiah Atkinson, Presidential Speech Critic
(aired on: November 16th; host: Lady Gaga)

Killam again, here cracking Seth Meyers up with his aggressively catty pan of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. It wasn't so much the over-the-top harshness with which Atkinson panned some of the greatest and most sacred speeches in our history that put this sketch over the top. The extra specialness came in how Atkinson was able to play off of the audience's often stunned reactions. He's right though. Lincoln can probably take it—he's on the $5. — J.R.

"(Do It On My) Twin Bed"
(aired: December 21; host: Jimmy Fallon)

The female cast teamed up to make the best music video of the year about "gettin' wild in a bed for a child," squeaking in juuust under the wire for the year's best sketches. Besides the fact that they nailed a very real Christmas problem, the video itself has so many great lines, from monkey sheets to the thing with Jean to poor departed Aunt Ruth. Every girl gets a verse, with extra snaps for Aidy Bryant and newcomer Noel Wells. Jimmy Fallon lends some bars to anchor the whole thing down. It was nice of the girls to give him some minutes on the show. — C.S. 

       

More than Half of Louisiana Duck Dynasty Fans Support Legal Status for Gay Couples

Associated Press

In an August poll, more than half of Louisiana Duck Dynasty fans said they support civil unions or marriage for gay couples. As politicians rush to show their support for Phil Robertson, this might be worth keeping in mind.

Last week, Gov. Bobby Jindal issued a weird statement comparing Robertson to Miley Cyrus. Over the weekend, Louisiana Lieutenant Governor (and likely 2015 gubernatorial candidate) Jay Dardenne released a statement pledging to leverage the state's resources to find a new home for the show from which Robertson was suspended. A sheriff in Douglas County went further, saying that he'd actively block A&E (the network that hosts Duck Dynasty) from filming in county facilities. This is a much more questionable move, that probably actually conflicts with the First Amendment, but that's between the sheriff and A&E's lawyers.

We were wondering if this outreach actually made sense, from a political standpoint. It's certainly the case that there has been vocal support for Robertson. The video at right, from the Associated Press, includes statements in support of and in opposition to Robertson from people in his hometown. The Daily Mail, meanwhile, attended a sermon he gave this weekend, documenting the response from the community — and, some additionally questionable comments. "Jesus will take sins away," Robertson reportedly said. "If you’re a homosexual he’ll take it away, if you’re an adulterer, if you’re a liar, what’s the difference?"

He also said this, about marriage: "Adam was made and Eve was made for this reason. They left their fathers and mothers and united to become one flesh, that’s what marriage is all about." Curious about the extent to which that reflected the beliefs of Louisianans, we found this Public Policy Polling poll. Taken last August, it suggests that approval of Duck Dynasty has weird overlap with opinions on gay marriage. For example, take the data below. As the age of poll respondents increased, approval of gay marriage and the show dropped. But as political philosophy grew more conservative, approval of the show (red line) increased as approval of gay marriage (blue line) plummeted

We reached out to PPP to see if they could provide what's known as a "cross-tab," a direct comparison of people's views on Duck Dynasty and on gay marriage. They were kind enough to oblige. The graph below shows views on marriage, broken down by whether or not the person approves of the TV show. Dark blue is people who support gay marriage. Light blue, civil unions. Red, people who oppose any recognition for gays.

What does this say? Almost a quarter of Duck Dynasty fans in Louisiana support full marriage rights for gays. Another 28 percent support civil unions — meaning that 52 percent of the show's fans back some form of state recognition for gay relationships. That's not as much as the two-thirds of people who don't like the show but back legal status, but it's not insignificant.

Assumptions that Louisiana fans of Duck Dynasty necessarily agree with Robertson on marriage are incorrect or incomplete.