Harris Tobias's Blog
September 3, 2022
https://www.amazon.com/20-Fi...
https://www.amazon.com/20-Five-Minute... /B07CWGLXTN
https://www.amazon.com/103-Monkeys-Ha...
https://www.amazon.ca/-/fr/Harris-Tob...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
https://www.amazon.com/Animal-Lullaby...
https://www.amazon.com/Bakers-Dozen-H...
https://magicblox.com/books/1982-a-ch...
https://www.abebooks.com/978150841090...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
https://books.google.com/books/about/...
https://www.amazon.com/How-Pelican-Go...
August 19, 2019
Green Song
GREEN SONG © Harris Tobias
I am green green greener than green
I’m the greenest human you’ve ever seen
I seldom, if ever, will order red meat
And only from creatures that died in their sleep
I know the life story of each cow and sheep
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I’m so green it’s nearly obscene
I’ll only eat veggies organically grown
With compost I make in my bedroom at home
I’ll never touch anything altered or cloned
And I’m afraid I’ll get cancer so I don’t use a phone
Because I am so green
I’m the greenest person you’ll ever see
I’m so green it even scares me
When I go to the market I bring my own bags
I heat my house with junk mail and rags
The thought of preservatives just makes me gag
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I gather my salads down in the glade
It's the only way I am sure they're not sprayed
I only drink coffee that’s grown in the shade
And would never eat anything that died while afraid
I'm never without a rake and a spade
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than you
I do more for the planet than you ever do
No processed foods ever pass through my lips
My car is a hybrid it only takes sips
But that doesn’t matter I never take trips
And I never use gasoline
Because I am so green
I’m so organic it’s almost a cult
When I go to the park I bring my own mulch
I only buy products packaged in bulk
My fake fur’s so real I think it could molt
And I take global warming as a personal insult
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I’m the greenest human you’ve ever seen
I’d never use anything animal tested
I was chained to a tree until I was arrested
Half of my diet has been pre-digested
My money is green and is fully invested
In wildlife rescue and land unmolested
Oh I am ever so green
I am green green greener than green
I’m the greenest human you’ve ever seen
I seldom, if ever, will order red meat
And only from creatures that died in their sleep
I know the life story of each cow and sheep
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I’m so green it’s nearly obscene
I’ll only eat veggies organically grown
With compost I make in my bedroom at home
I’ll never touch anything altered or cloned
And I’m afraid I’ll get cancer so I don’t use a phone
Because I am so green
I’m the greenest person you’ll ever see
I’m so green it even scares me
When I go to the market I bring my own bags
I heat my house with junk mail and rags
The thought of preservatives just makes me gag
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I gather my salads down in the glade
It's the only way I am sure they're not sprayed
I only drink coffee that’s grown in the shade
And would never eat anything that died while afraid
I'm never without a rake and a spade
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than you
I do more for the planet than you ever do
No processed foods ever pass through my lips
My car is a hybrid it only takes sips
But that doesn’t matter I never take trips
And I never use gasoline
Because I am so green
I’m so organic it’s almost a cult
When I go to the park I bring my own mulch
I only buy products packaged in bulk
My fake fur’s so real I think it could molt
And I take global warming as a personal insult
Because I am so green
I’m green, green, greener than green
I’m the greenest human you’ve ever seen
I’d never use anything animal tested
I was chained to a tree until I was arrested
Half of my diet has been pre-digested
My money is green and is fully invested
In wildlife rescue and land unmolested
Oh I am ever so green
Detained and Deported
Detained and Deported
© Harris Tobias
Pull over mister and give me your name
You got some ID, you guys all look the same
What’s wrong with that woman I think she’s in pain
She’s having a baby? deported/detained
Don’t make me call the Feds on your case
I don’t like the look on your illegal face
Don’t tell me you’ve lived here for more than a day
And your family back home depends on your pay
I’ve heard all your stories and they are all lame
You ain’t got no papers, deported/detained
I ain’t racial profiling whatever that is
I was just standing here minding my biz
I don’t care for foreigners no matter their skin
But you’re not only brown, you’re no citizen
With two strikes against you ain’t you ashamed
You ain’t got no papers, deported/detained
Detained and deported
Deported detained
Is it my fault you’re Mexican
I can’t be blamed
You’re here to steal services,
Jobs and cocain
I ain’t no racist
Deported/detained
© Harris Tobias
Pull over mister and give me your name
You got some ID, you guys all look the same
What’s wrong with that woman I think she’s in pain
She’s having a baby? deported/detained
Don’t make me call the Feds on your case
I don’t like the look on your illegal face
Don’t tell me you’ve lived here for more than a day
And your family back home depends on your pay
I’ve heard all your stories and they are all lame
You ain’t got no papers, deported/detained
I ain’t racial profiling whatever that is
I was just standing here minding my biz
I don’t care for foreigners no matter their skin
But you’re not only brown, you’re no citizen
With two strikes against you ain’t you ashamed
You ain’t got no papers, deported/detained
Detained and deported
Deported detained
Is it my fault you’re Mexican
I can’t be blamed
You’re here to steal services,
Jobs and cocain
I ain’t no racist
Deported/detained
April 22, 2016
A Cold Beer In Hell
A Cold Beer In Hell© Harris Tobias 2013
There’s a story they tell in KillkennyA story I think you should hearIt involves a local fellow named MurphyA wager, a contest, and beer
One day down at Paddy’s a stranger came inOld Murphy was already thereMurph said hello to the strangerAnd offered to buy him a beer
You know who I am asked the strangerI’m the devil and I’ve come here for youDrink up because where you’re goingThere ain’t gonna be any brew
Now if there’s one thing we know about Murphy,Was that the man lived to drink beerAnd he’d taken the devil’s full measureAnd knew he had nothing to fear
Old Murphy turned to the devilHe said I bet I could drink more than youThe devil said son, you’ve picked the wrong manI’m the fella that invented the brew
But Murphy just laughed and ordered a draftAnd agreed that that probably was soI suppose when I’m dead old Murphy saidThere’s no drinking where I’m gonna go
That’s true said the devil there isn’t no beerNot where you’re gonna goWe ain’t got no pubs just demons and grubsIt’s all fire and pain down below
No one had ever seen MurphyWithout a mug in his fistIf there was only one thing that he lived forDrinking was top of the list
Tell you what said Murph to the devilAs he hoisted a beer to his lipsLet us keep score and whoever drinks moreHas to grant the winner one wish
It’s a deal said the devil and held out his clawPour a pint for me and my matePaddy pulled on the leverThen chalked a one on his slate
Now Murphy was known in the villageAs a man who enjoyed drinking beerAnd if somebody else was abuyin’You can bet that old Murphy was there
A few hours later the tavern was packedEvery man woman and child in townMurph and the devil were tied neck and neckEach man was tossing them down
By evening it looked like Murphy was whippedPaddy had chalked forty fiveMurphy’s hand shook as he picked up his glassNo one thought that Murph would survive
When the folk began cheering and calling his nameOld Murphy seemed to reviveHe tossed down the next two pints in a rowNow the devil had fear in his eyes
The devil hung on for couple a more roundsThen he starting to wobble and swayThen he slipped from his stool and looked like a foolOld Murphy had carried the day
Great jubilation, people danced in the streetOld Murphy had done them all proudThe devil was faced with discrace and defeatEveryone cheered long and loud
Well, said the devil, you won fair and squareAnd I guess I owe you a wishSo what’ll it be money or fameThat’s usually top of the list
Old Murphy just laughed and shook his grey headAnd said this’ll probably sound queerBut the one thing I wish for the one thing I wantIs for hell to begin serving beer
So listen to me all you sinnersIn a world filled with liars and cranksIn hell when they hand you a cold one
It’s Murph who deserves all the thanks
There’s a story they tell in KillkennyA story I think you should hearIt involves a local fellow named MurphyA wager, a contest, and beer
One day down at Paddy’s a stranger came inOld Murphy was already thereMurph said hello to the strangerAnd offered to buy him a beer
You know who I am asked the strangerI’m the devil and I’ve come here for youDrink up because where you’re goingThere ain’t gonna be any brew
Now if there’s one thing we know about Murphy,Was that the man lived to drink beerAnd he’d taken the devil’s full measureAnd knew he had nothing to fear
Old Murphy turned to the devilHe said I bet I could drink more than youThe devil said son, you’ve picked the wrong manI’m the fella that invented the brew
But Murphy just laughed and ordered a draftAnd agreed that that probably was soI suppose when I’m dead old Murphy saidThere’s no drinking where I’m gonna go
That’s true said the devil there isn’t no beerNot where you’re gonna goWe ain’t got no pubs just demons and grubsIt’s all fire and pain down below
No one had ever seen MurphyWithout a mug in his fistIf there was only one thing that he lived forDrinking was top of the list
Tell you what said Murph to the devilAs he hoisted a beer to his lipsLet us keep score and whoever drinks moreHas to grant the winner one wish
It’s a deal said the devil and held out his clawPour a pint for me and my matePaddy pulled on the leverThen chalked a one on his slate
Now Murphy was known in the villageAs a man who enjoyed drinking beerAnd if somebody else was abuyin’You can bet that old Murphy was there
A few hours later the tavern was packedEvery man woman and child in townMurph and the devil were tied neck and neckEach man was tossing them down
By evening it looked like Murphy was whippedPaddy had chalked forty fiveMurphy’s hand shook as he picked up his glassNo one thought that Murph would survive
When the folk began cheering and calling his nameOld Murphy seemed to reviveHe tossed down the next two pints in a rowNow the devil had fear in his eyes
The devil hung on for couple a more roundsThen he starting to wobble and swayThen he slipped from his stool and looked like a foolOld Murphy had carried the day
Great jubilation, people danced in the streetOld Murphy had done them all proudThe devil was faced with discrace and defeatEveryone cheered long and loud
Well, said the devil, you won fair and squareAnd I guess I owe you a wishSo what’ll it be money or fameThat’s usually top of the list
Old Murphy just laughed and shook his grey headAnd said this’ll probably sound queerBut the one thing I wish for the one thing I wantIs for hell to begin serving beer
So listen to me all you sinnersIn a world filled with liars and cranksIn hell when they hand you a cold one
It’s Murph who deserves all the thanks
November 27, 2014
The Greer Agency
The Greer Agency is a series of 15 gritty detective stories. The reader follows the life of private detective Mike Greer, the only P.I. in the Altoona, PA phone book. It's tough to make a living in a decaying old railroad town, but with the help of an anonymous benefactor, Greer lands some interesting cases-cases that he solves with guts, determination and street smarts. As the stories progress, so does his budding romance with Susan, the waitress at the coffee shop which serves as Greer’s base of operations. Eventually, the thick headed Greer realizes they are right for each other.
Readers will find Mike Greer an accessible everyman with luck, pluck, smarts and a host of interesting friends. He finds his way into and out of problems some small, some life threatening. Greer narrates the stories in a refreshing and original voice reminiscent of the great noir writers of the past. Each story has its own plot and can stand on its own making the book an easy read for busy commuters. As the book progresses, however, the mysteries pile up and the plots get more complex until the explosive last story that will leave the reader breathless.
You can purchase a printed copy here on Amazon or here from the publisher. NOW available as an ebook on Mobipocket.
June 12, 2012
MoonRivet Saves His SkinOnly creatures made from recycled...
MoonRivet Saves His Skin
Only creatures made from recycled metal scraps can survive on the moon. And for those creatures, life on Dusty Lake isn't without its dangers. MoonRivet barely escapes being eaten by one bird only to be caught by another. Kids will love the adventures of MoonRivet. Beautifully illustrated, this fun and exciting adventure is perfect for young readers 5-8 years old.
Only creatures made from recycled metal scraps can survive on the moon. And for those creatures, life on Dusty Lake isn't without its dangers. MoonRivet barely escapes being eaten by one bird only to be caught by another. Kids will love the adventures of MoonRivet. Beautifully illustrated, this fun and exciting adventure is perfect for young readers 5-8 years old.
May 21, 2012
PODCASTS
Podcasts
[image error]
The AlarmAn alarm has started ringing, but no one knows what it’s for. Old Havermayer, the beggar, says it’s a signal to alert the town that the dragon wakes. Could it be true? What will become of this peaceful town?
Crown of Thorns A mad scientist tests his life's work on himself, but can he return to a life he threw away?
The Troop“The Troop,” a tale about a sole human survivor on an alien planet, and his attempts to co-exist with the native creatures there.
The BalaWhat can one man do against the destructive force that tore his world apart?
[image error]
The AlarmAn alarm has started ringing, but no one knows what it’s for. Old Havermayer, the beggar, says it’s a signal to alert the town that the dragon wakes. Could it be true? What will become of this peaceful town?
Crown of Thorns A mad scientist tests his life's work on himself, but can he return to a life he threw away?
The Troop“The Troop,” a tale about a sole human survivor on an alien planet, and his attempts to co-exist with the native creatures there.
The BalaWhat can one man do against the destructive force that tore his world apart?
March 31, 2012
January 24, 2012
CHILDREN'S BOOKS
CHILDREN'S E-BOOKS
MoonRivet Saves His Skin
Only creatures made from recycled metal scraps can survive on the moon. And for those creatures, life on Dusty Lake isn't without its dangers. MoonRivet barely escapes being eaten by one bird only to be caught by another. Kids will love the adventures of MoonRivet. Beautifully illustrated, this fun and exciting adventure is perfect for young readers 5-8 years old.
The little robot is just like a real little boy
except he isn't. He has a robot family,
robot friends and robot adventures.
Come and share his stories, they are fun
for the whole family.
Square Sally feels awkward in Circletown,
all the round kids think she's strange.
Sally learns about her heritage and to be
proud of who she is.
The princess was perfect in every way but she was
rude to everyone. It was all fun and games until she
got her best friend in big trouble. The rude little girl
learns a lesson.
13 sweet animal fables in the spirit of Aesop's Fables.
Learn how the Zebra got his stripes, the pelican his beak,
and the rabbit his long ears. A baker's dozen of amusing
stories designed and illustrated for bedtime reading.
Five little frogs sit on a lily pad. When one jumps off,
there is one less and the remaining frogs express their
emotions about that. A sweet and gentle story that teaches
numbers, counting and subtraction in an amusing way.
Three rousing adventure stories starring Rocket Bob,
whose mission is to save the Earth from danger.
Operating from his base inside the moon, Rocket Bob
combines his own pluck and skill with the inventive
genius of Professor Zumbat to save the Earth from
mutant bees, fire ants and other assorted perils.
Good, safe comic book fun for all ages.
13 delicious dessert recipes parents can
make with their children.
Nerdy Lester Fetterman has an active fantasy life,
one in which he can escape his hum drum life, annoying
bullies and Mrs. Needlemeyer, his fifth grade teacher.
There's a bug for every letter and a letter
for every bug. Learn insect facts and the
alphabet at the same time.
MoonRivet Saves His Skin
Only creatures made from recycled metal scraps can survive on the moon. And for those creatures, life on Dusty Lake isn't without its dangers. MoonRivet barely escapes being eaten by one bird only to be caught by another. Kids will love the adventures of MoonRivet. Beautifully illustrated, this fun and exciting adventure is perfect for young readers 5-8 years old.
The little robot is just like a real little boyexcept he isn't. He has a robot family,
robot friends and robot adventures.
Come and share his stories, they are fun
for the whole family.
Square Sally feels awkward in Circletown,all the round kids think she's strange.
Sally learns about her heritage and to be
proud of who she is.
The princess was perfect in every way but she wasrude to everyone. It was all fun and games until she
got her best friend in big trouble. The rude little girl
learns a lesson.
13 sweet animal fables in the spirit of Aesop's Fables.Learn how the Zebra got his stripes, the pelican his beak,
and the rabbit his long ears. A baker's dozen of amusing
stories designed and illustrated for bedtime reading.
Five little frogs sit on a lily pad. When one jumps off,there is one less and the remaining frogs express their
emotions about that. A sweet and gentle story that teaches
numbers, counting and subtraction in an amusing way.
Three rousing adventure stories starring Rocket Bob,whose mission is to save the Earth from danger.
Operating from his base inside the moon, Rocket Bob
combines his own pluck and skill with the inventive
genius of Professor Zumbat to save the Earth from
mutant bees, fire ants and other assorted perils.
Good, safe comic book fun for all ages.
13 delicious dessert recipes parents canmake with their children.
Nerdy Lester Fetterman has an active fantasy life,one in which he can escape his hum drum life, annoying
bullies and Mrs. Needlemeyer, his fifth grade teacher.
There's a bug for every letter and a letterfor every bug. Learn insect facts and the
alphabet at the same time.
