Kevin L. O'Brien's Blog: Songs of the Seanchaí, page 44

Vlad Tepes Drakulya

From the files of the Caerleon Order:

Vlad Tepes Drakulya

Count Dracula, known more formally as Vlad Ţepeş Drăkulya, is the most powerful Vampire extant. Though only 500 years old, he is more powerful than Vampires twenty times that age, and is even more powerful than the dreaded Nosferatu, who are feared by even other Vampires. It is therefore all the more amazing that this paragon of monsters should willingly protect Humanity from others of his kind, especially considering the contempt he holds for Mankind. Yet he serves with dedication and loyalty, even to the point of risking his own life, though he claims to be only a weapon in the hands of Sir Differel Van Helsing. What follows is information gleaned from his official dossier at the Order.

Team Girl Controversial Survey

[01] Do you have the guts to answer these controversial questions?

Of course! We're Team Girl! Together, we've got the guts to do anything!

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?

NO!! That stuff's dangerous!

[03] Abortion: for or against it?

Sunny and I are against abortion. It may not be murder, but it's still killing. But, we're both pro-choice. We believe it's a womans' decision and that no one else should interfere.

[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?

Well, Medb probably wouldn't be a good choice, or Palin, but generally? Sunny and I think a woman president would be a great idea!

[05] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

Eile and I both smoked a joint when we were younger, before we met. We don't think it's any worse than getting drunk. But we don't use it now, because we don't like smoking.

[06] Are you for or against premarital sex?

Ha-ha, considering that Eile and I aren't married, obviously not!

[07] Do you believe in God?

Yeah, we do. We don't know who or what he is, but we can't believe all the universe is just a blind accident.

[08] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?

Hey! I'm Hispanic, buster! Most of them are just hard workers looking for a better life, and we treat them like invaders out ta destroy the country! Ya know, the first European colonists in this country were illegals, too. So cut 'em some friggin' slack!

[09] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?

How should we know? If Eile and I knew the answer to that, we'd run for God. Does she love it? Can she take care of it? Does she understand the responsibility? That's what's important.

[10] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

Gee, that's a toughie. Eile and I actually think it should be a social thing. Teach kids the right way and wrong way to drink, like we teach them how to drive.

[11] Should the war in Iraq be called off?

It never shoulda friggin' started in the first place! But, Saddam was a real monster, he needed ta be taken out. I mean, was World War II and the fight against Hitler justified?

[12] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

Man, does that hit close ta home. There was a time, before I met Sunny, when I wanted ta die, and only the fact that it would take real effort ta do it stopped me. I suppose, if I really wanted it badly enough, I should be allowed ta do it. But then, if I had, I never would have met Sunny, and God only knows what woulda happened to her. I mean, suppose it's true that each life touches every other life it meets. You can't touch anyone when yer dead.

[13] Do you believe in spanking your children?

We don't have kids yet, and Eile and I weren't spanked, but then again, it might be necessary sometimes. We'll just hafta wait and see.

[14] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

No! It may just be colored cloth, but it's still a symbol! Burning it shows your contempt for everything it represents, and that includes the good things like freedom, liberty, and democracy. But, we respect the right of other people to make that kind of statement if they wish. Like Voltaire said, I may disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. That's what America and the flag is all about!

[15] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

Hell no! Sunny and I would rather be judged by our words and beliefs, not our appearance or lifestyle.

Kingship in Ancient Ireland

Throughout the legendary Iron Age in Ireland, kingship was very different from what it would become in post-Roman Britain or Medieval Europe. Though it began to change into a more absolute monarchy during the Christian Era, it wasn't until the invasion of the Anglo-Normans in the twelfth century that true European-style kingship was introduced.

Until then, kings were essentially glorified clan or tribal chieftains, even those who ruled minor kingdoms and whole provinces. This is because ultimate political authority rested not with the warrior elite, but with the clan or tribe as a whole. While only a warrior could be chief, a chiefship was not dynastic, and often a chief did not rule for life. Instead, the clan or tribe elected its chief at least once a year, and either reaffirmed their decision the next year or selected a new chief. As such, a chief could rule only with the consent of the clan or tribe, and he would lose his rule if he lost the support of the people.

This was true even of the kingdom and provincial kings. Each kingdom was a collection of tribes and clans, with one tribe paramount over the others. The chief of that tribe became the king of the kingdom, but his rule derived not only from his own tribe, but also from the consent of the other tribes as well. If the other tribes became discontent with his rule, and his tribe did not choose a new king, they could depose him and select another tribal chief to be king, thereby making his tribe paramount. Provincial kings ruled with the consent of the other clan and tribal chiefs and kings rather than that of the tribes themselves, but it amounted to the same thing.

Politically, this meant that the chiefs and kings were not absolute rulers. They could command only their own tribes, yet even so the tribes could depose their kings at will. Otherwise they ruled by example and suggestion and respect. In a crisis they could take personal command, yet no tribal member or subordinate chief was required to obey their orders. As such, it was not unusual for a king to take the field with little more than his personal retinue, but as king he had the resources and authority to create as large a force as he could maintain. Otherwise, a king would have to persuade his subordinates to join him, usually by bribing them with a promise of rich booty.

Of course, the subordinate chiefs would have to do the same thing with their clan or tribal warriors, so it was an expected part of society. But considering that booty was the right of every warrior, and the warrior code demanded they participate in war, it generally wasn't difficult to recruit soldiers for battle. Even so, there was nothing to prevent warriors, clans, tribes, kingdoms, or even whole provinces from opting out and staying home, if they felt it was to their advantage.

In essence, Iron Age Irish kingship was a form of charismatic leadership, especially in the modern sense of the king using his personality and powers of persuasion to convince others to obey him. Often, kings were inaugurated in religious ceremonies that required ritual marriage to or mating with a local fertility or sovereignty goddess, thereby not only endowing them with divine blessings, but also demonstrating their own prowess at stimulating tribal prosperity. Then too, if a crisis occurred that the king could not deal with, he risked being sacrificed to appease the bloodthirsty Irish gods.

More importantly, however, Irish kings were perceived as servants of the tribe and its members, as opposed to the Medieval concept of the people being servants of the king. The duty of the king was to protect the tribe, its land, and its wealth; to insure justice and keep the peace; and to increase the tribe's possessions and power. He could take no more than his fair share of booty; in fact, he was expected to sacrifice his own wealth to provide largess to his tribe. Unlike Medieval kings, he did not create laws -- the tribe as a whole was responsible for that -- nor was he above the law; in fact, he was required to see that the laws were fairly applied to everyone. And he was required to protect the slaves, squatters, and other dependents who lived on tribal land but were not themselves members of the tribe

Next eBook: Disposable Commodities

The next story in my schedule to be published through Smashwords will be:

Disposable Commodities

Guy Trousseau, Hollywood agent, doesn't much care how his clients make use of his stable of "actresses"; to him, they are nothing more than disposable commodities. But when he gets a chance at the The Big Time, he made find that his very silent partner no longer wishes to be quite so silent.

This will be another free ebook.

New eBook: Oak Do Hate

I have just published my latest ebook:

Oak Do Hate

Sir Differel Van Helsing has finally been confirmed Director of the Caerleon Order, and has begun her training to officially take over when she turns 21. Though dedicated and precocious, no one expects her to be able to do anything important for a few years yet.

As such, when she awakens in the middle of the night to find that everyone in her manor house--staff, guards, and servants alike--have disappeared without a trace, she questions whether she has what it takes to find and rescue them. But she must try regardless, even if she risks succumbing to the same force.

This ebook will be free for the next 2 weeks, after which it will be $0.99. It can be downloaded from Smashwords.

Best Monster Movie Song Ever

Even Differel dances to it.

In "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man", after Larry Talbot meets with the last of the Frankenstein family in the village of Vasaria, they sit at a table in the town square as a song is sung in honor of The Festival of the New Wine.

I've discovered the lyrics, and here they are.

Come one and all and sing a song!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
For life is short but death is long!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
There'll be no music in the tomb!
So sing with joy! Down with gloom!
Tonight the new wine is in bloom!
Fara-la-la-lo-li!
Fara-la-la-lo-li!

Tonight we toast our happy host!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
For he's the man we love the most!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
His barrel belly's dipper lipped!
For drinking wine, he's well-equipped!
But where's his chest? It must have slipped!
Faro-faro-la!
Faro-faro-lo!

The wine tonight is nobly blessed!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
By such a lady and her guest!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
To them I toast, come drink with me!
That may they ever happy be!
And may they live eternally!
Faro-faro-la!
Faro-faro-la!

Come one and all and sing a song!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!
For life is short but death is long!
Faro-la faro-li!
Faro-la faro-li!

Dreamworld Directory -- Part 2

This is the second of a two-part blog that lists people and things found in the Dreamlands, most of which will show up in stories.

Cmdr. Jero'd — The commander of the militia that defends the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

Johannes of Joachimstahl — Burgomaster of the town of Joachimstahl in the Six Kingdoms

Knight Fontaine-roz — "Knight of the Rose Fountain"; the highest knightly Order in the land of Ooth-Nargai; includes state maintenance for room and board in exchange for service; non-hereditary

Knight of Celephaïs — An Order which is the lowest knightly rank of the land of Ooth-Nargai and a catch-all for persons not inducted into a specific order; includes state maintenance for room and board in exchange for service; non-hereditary

the Knives — Assassins employed by the Prince of the city of Dylath-Leen to kill anyone who breaks the peace in his city or whom he perceives to be a threat

Burgomaster Kranon — The chief magistrate of the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms and chairman of the Diet of Burghers

King Kuranes — The ruler of the city of Celephaïs and the land of Ooth-Nargai beyond, and suzerain of the city-state of Serannian

the Kuranes Prize — The highest Award that can be bestowed upon a fine or graphic artist by the city of Celephaïs in the land of Ooth-Nargai

Kyafus the Leech — A druggist with a shop in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms; he is well known for adhering to outmoded medical ideas, such as humorism, miasma theory, and fermentation theory, but many of his treatments and remedies work, such as using maggots to debride and clean wounds, leeches to stimulate blood flow and healing, and worms to clean out an infected gastrointestinal system

La Tène Múinteoir — The highest Honor that can be bestowed upon a fine or graphic artist by the city-state of Hazuth-Kleg in the land of Ooth-Nargai

Lais of Hyccara — An hetaera who resides in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms

Laureate — The highest Honor that can be bestowed upon a writer or poet by the city of Karchedon in the island nation of Punica

the Legion of Merit — The highest Decoration in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms; awarded for any notable act the benefits the city

Leonardo di Celephaean — A polymath artist, scientist, physician, engineer, designer, mathematician, and writer who lives in the city of Celephaïs in the land of Ooth-Nargai

Liaison — An outcast member of a tribe of non-human creatures in the Forest of Parg in the Southern Lands, who acts as a go-between for his people and the outside world

the Library of Karchedon — The largest known archive, sanctuary, and repository of written literature and chronicles in the northern/eastern Dreamlands; also serves as an ongoing symposium for the demonstration and debate of new ideas, and a publishing house

the Lier-in-Wait — A Great One, by name Hagarg Ryonis, who takes the form of a hideous reptilian monster to slay anyone who offends the sensibilities of the Great Ones

Lionheart the Cat — A male golden Abyssinian from the city of Celephaïs in the land of Ooth-Nargai that acts as a knight-errant for the Council of Elders

Lord Marshal — The highest knightly rank in the land of Ooth-Nargai, superseding all established Orders; includes state maintenance for room and board in exchange for service; non-hereditary

Lucifer the Cat — A male white, yellow, orange, and red domestic shorthair from the hamlet of Shyre in the Six Kingdoms that is litter brother to the High Queen of All Cats

Magog — An Honor that indicates the recipient is an ally of the Goblin race and permitted to treat with them on equal terms; non-heriditary

fe Maliæn, Legate Dïdon — The supreme commander of the armed forces of the island nation of Punica and Protector of the city of Karchedon

the Marquisate of Elissa — A fiefdom that encompasses the Mark of Elissa, which consists of four islands, one large and three small, that form the extreme southeastern tip of the island-nation of Punica; the vassal who holds seisin over the fief is charged with watching the southern and eastern approach to Punica to guard against invaders, though the mandate is largely ceremonial anymore

Marsalla, Tribune Rufio Cornelia — The commander of an elite commando force patterned after the SAS and the SEALs

Medici the Cat — A female chocolate-point Balinese from the town of Cianacht in the Six Kingdoms, who used a hoard fortune she discovered to establish a banking business

the Mehakebar — The prophesized offspring of Nyarlathotep and the Bride of the Crawling Chaos, who will rule the Dreamlands in the name of her father

Men of Leng — A Race of people who inhabit the Plateau of Leng in the Northern Lands; they are enslaved by the Moonbeasts, but also conduct trade throughout the Dreamlands in long black galleys; they resemble satyrs

Moonbeasts — A Race of creatures that resemble gray-skinned frogs with no eyes, ears, or nostrils, but with clawed hands and feet, and tendrils around the mouth; they are extremely cruel and sadistic, and enjoy the taste of mammalian flesh; they rule the Dark Side of the Moon and have enslaved the Men of Leng

the Mother of Mehakebar — The Title of the prophesized Bride of the Crawling Chaos who will give birth to Mehakebar

the Mouseion of Karchedon — A learned society for scholarship established in the city of Karchedon by Queen Elishat for the advancement of knowledge; serves as a museum and a research facility

Myhre, Venke — A former adventurer and now waitress at the Forenoon Tavern in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

the Nuth al-Sharif — The highest Decoration in the city-state of Aden on the Cerenarian Sea; awarded for valor

Nyarlathotep (The Crawling Chaos, The Black Man, The Thing in the Yellow Mask) — The soul and messenger of the Outré Gods, the Daemon-Sultan of Kadath in the Cold Waste, the protector of the Great Ones, the Little Gods of Earth, and possibly the creator of the Dreamlands

the Orb of Buthid — The highest Decoration in the land of Industan; awarded for valor

the Ordenze me Scorpiones — A knightly Order of the island nation of Byzantiu in the Mare Australis; symbolized by the stylized tattoo of a scorpion on the left cheek

the Order of Cornwall — The highest Decoration in the land of Ooth-Nargai; awarded for extraordinary valor in the face of impossible odds, making the recipient the highest ranking noble, second-in-command of the kingdom, and heir presumptive; includes state maintenance for room and board

the Order of Priam — The highest Decoration in the island nation of Punica; awarded for extraordinary valor in the face of impossible odds; includes state maintenance for room and board

the Order of Sigor — The second highest Decoration in the land of Ooth-Nargai; awarded for extraordinary valor; includes state maintenance for room and board

O'Shaughnessy, Vincent — "the Weasel"; a former gangster who runs a cabaret outside of the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

Paladin — The lowest noble rank on the island nation of Punica; lower than a baroncy, almost the equivalent of a baronetcy, but definitely a peerage rank; hereditary

the Pharmaceutical Guild — A trade union dedicated to pharmacists and apothecaries, whose main hall is located in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms

Phlogistia Masterium — The Title granted to the sorcerer who masters the most difficult and arduous discipline within the specialty of fire magic, the Phlogiston Protocol

Phryne of Elissa — An hetaera who resides in the Mark of Elissa on the island nation of Punica; her patron is traditionally the Marquess

Phuschtae — The personal physician and surgeon to the Prince of Dylath-Leen; he was cast out of the Physicians Guild for "quackery", however it seems unlikely the Prince would tolerate him if he was actually incompetent, therefore the real reason for his ouster is unknown

the Physicians Guild — A trade union dedicated to physicians and healers but not surgeons, whose main hall is located in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms

Raffles, Simon — The name for a faceless thief generally recognized to be the greatest who ever lived, but who refuses to join the Guild; it has spawned many imitators who forget to invent a different name for their cover identities

Rahniel the Bard — A musician-poet from the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms; friend to Fynris the Hunter and brother to Arollo the Ranger

Rhodes Scholarship — An international postgraduate Award for study at the Royal Society of Celephaïs, established by King Kuranes

the Royal Academy of Celephaïs — A learned society for scholarship established in the city of Celephaïs by King Kuranes to promote the creation, enjoyment and appreciation of the visual arts through exhibitions, education and debate

the Royal Society of Celephaïs — A learned society for scholarship established in the city of Celephaïs by King Kuranes for the advancement of knowledge; serves as an ongoing symposium for the demonstration and debate of new ideas, a museum and library, a research facility, and a publishing house

the Ruling Council of Sorcerers — The governing body of the city-state of Lelag-Leng in the Northern Lands, comprised of the most powerful sorcerers in their chosen fields of specialty

Ibn Sal'hud — The chief scholar of the Bait al-Hikma in the city-state of Ophir at the mouth of the River Yarmouk

Seminos the Cat — A male blue, red, and white Aegean from the city of Karchedon in the island nation of Punica that has made a study of healing practices

Shades — These are insubstantial entities that resemble animated patches of shadow; they are the servitors of the Great One Zo-Kalar

Shadow-Stalker the Cat — A female smoky-gray Korat from the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms that is a huntress and the guide and companion of Team Girl

Shelob — A spider that has taken service with Lord Victor of Elissa to repay an old kindness

Shuggob the Ghoul — A Ghoul wizard that resides in the Underworld on the edge of the Vale of Pnath

the Silver Horde — The personal bodyguards of the Prince of the city of Dylath-Leen in the Six Kingdoms, who are sworn to preserve his life at any cost

Madame Sofya — A salonnière who runs a famous salon in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

Spider-Friend — An Honor that indicates the recipient is free to visit any spider enclave and will not be considered prey; hereditary

Spiders — One of only four Races known to be Dreamers (Humans, Dolphins, and Cats being the other two), who live in the Northern Lands and grow to gigantic size

Steward of the House of Bastet — A servant of Bast who oversees Her Human worshipers and temples

the Swords — The military forces of the city of Dylath-Leen in the Six Kingdoms; they are mandated with protecting the city from all external threats; though technically the term for the army, it is applied to the navy as well

Sysphius Tyrannia — An extremely powerful sorcerer from the city-state of Lelag-Leng, who specializes in daemonology; she was a one-time member of the Ruling Council until she tried to mount a coup d'état and was banished from the city; her current whereabouts are unknown

Templar of Ulthar — The grandmaster of the local Thieves Guild in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

the Thieves Guild — A trade union dedicated to thieves, but not burglars, robbers, muggers, or highwaymen, whose main hall is located in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms

Thundar the Cat — A male Domestic Shorthair with a coat color and pattern reminiscent of a lynx; his sire was a southern adventurer and his dam a northern feral from a tribe rumored to be mixed with lynx blood; he inherited his dam's size and strength and his sire's intelligence

Titian Vèneta — A master painter who lives in the city-state of Creachabh in the Six Kingdoms

Madam Trotula — The proprietress of a bathhouse / pleasure palace in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

the Vaejovid Talisman — A Decoration for valor in the land of Iranistan

Verifera — The receptionist for and part owner of the Spa for Women in the town of Ulthar in the Six Kingdoms

Vichnia — The daughter of the Chromatic Lord, who works as an exotic dancer in the Tavern of the Amethyst Scorpion in the port city of Hlanith on the mouth of the Oukranos River

Viridiana, Jaecin — A former member of the Knives, she now serves as the bodyguard for Seidhlóch the Moneylender

Wakiya — A species of gigantic raptor that inhabits the land of Oleanna far to the west; also known as the Thunderbird, it grows large enough to carry a grown man and sometimes binds itself empathically to a brave and honorable warrior to become his steed

Windwalker — A hippogriff that was raised and tamed by Lord Victor of Elissa and serves as his personal steed

Zo-Kalar — A Great One, who presides over fate, birth, and death

About Sir Differel Van Helsing

From the official Sir Differel Van Helsing website:

About the Director -- Important information on Sir Differel, including links to an official biography and magazine articles.

Sir Differel Van Helsing inherited her position as Director of the Caerleon Order from her father, rather than being appointed, but for all that, she has proven herself to be the ideal person for the role, despite being handicapped by her gender. By tradition, the leaders of high-level government agencies in the United Kingdom had always been male aristocrats, but she broke that mold, mostly because of her command of Vlad Drakulya. What follows is information gleaned from her official dossier at the Order.

Fun Team Girl Survey

The following replies may seem a little confusing, but they were written as if Eile and Sunny were replying, and they represent either both of them giving separate answers to the same question, or them giving the same answer simultaneously. Otherwise, a useful guide would be that Eile's responses tend to be earthier and more belligerent, whereas Sunny mentions "Adventure!" and "Partner" a lot.

A
- Available: Only to each other!

- Age: Eile turned 29 in April. And Sunny turned 25 in July.

- Annoyance: Sunny bein' a bimbo. People who say we can't have adventures.

- Allergic: Nothing we know of.

- Animal: Snowshoe Kitty, of course!

- Actor: Tom Hanks can investigate my sacred chalice anytime. Errol Flynn; he's dreamy!!!!

B
- Beer: Thick malty ales, the thicker the better. We wanna be able ta cut it with a knife.

- Birthday: Eile's is April 4, 1984. And Sunny's is July 27, 1988.

- Best Friend: Just best friends? That'd be Betty, Giovanna, Kojoro, Liadan, Mariam, and Wendy. Oh, and Differel Van Helsing!

- Body Part on opposite sex: Get a life, ya perv!!

- Blind or Deaf: Not that we're aware of, but what if we were telepathic and clairvoyant? How could we tell? Um, Sunny, just say no.

- Best weather: A beautiful pleasant Summer's day!

- Been in Love: Well, duh! That's what Team Girl's all about!

- Been bitched about?: Cripes, yes. You shoulda heard the things Marseilles Sheraton said about us.

- Been on stage?: Sunny did summer stock when she was a kid. And we have our Sister Act!

- Believe in yourself?: What kinda question is that ta ask?! Umm, Eile, just say yes.

- Believe in life on other planets: Sure do, we've met some of them. Eile got abducted and probed! Ha-ha! That's not funny, ya ditz!

- Believe in miracles: Well, duh! That's what Team Girl's all about!

- Believe in Magic: Kinda hard not to, with Medb around.

- Believe in God: Yeah, though we're not sure who or what he is.

- Believe in Satan: We've met him. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

- Believe in Santa: We've met him. We even subbed for him one Christmas.

- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: We've met some.

- Believe in Evolution: It's a scientific fact.

C
- Car: Don't drive one; don't need one.

- Candy: Eile loves M&M's. And Sunny loves anything soft and gooey.

- Cake or pie: YES!!!!

D
- Day or Night: Either one, as long as we can have ADVENTURE!!!

- Dream vehicle: Anything big enough to hold 12 kids. Twelve!? Oh, my aching ovaries.

- Danced: We love dancing.

- Dance in the rain?: Of course. What couple in lust hasn't?

- Dance in the middle of the street?: As a matter of fact, yeah, but not by choice!

E
- Eggs: No thanks, not hungry. Deviled eggs; yummm!

- Eyes: Eile has indigo blue, Sunny has azure blue eyes.

- Everyone has: The adventure of a lifetime!

- Ever failed a class?: Nope, neither of us.

F
- First crush: Each other. And we've still got it bad.

- Full name: Eile Marelys Chica. Sonne Aourgen Hiver.

- First thoughts waking up: What's Sunny up to taday? What will today's adventure be?

- Food: Anything we can lick off each other.

G
- Greatest Fear: Being alone and unloved. Having no adventure.

- Gum: Not really.

- Get along with your parents?: I never knew my parents, they died when I was one, but my Uncle and I are best buds. My parents and I are best friends!

H
- Hair color: Eile's is seal brown. Sunny's is gamboge.

- Height: About 5'3", give or take. Sunny's a bit taller than me.

- Happy: I sleep with a hot naked centerfold every night, so whaddya think, buster? I'm always happy as long as I have my partner by my side.

- Holidays: Great times for adventure!

- How do you want to die: [in unison] NEVER!!!!!!

- Hate: Pervs droolin' all over themselves as they fantasize about me and Sunny in bed together. Eile, when she starts raving about perverts.

I
Idiot: Gaaah, not enough room for the complete list.

J
- Jewelry: Eile wears a nose stud and four rings in each ear. Otherwise, we wear whatever best matches our clothes.

- Job: Graphic design; managing Jewels, Medb's gentlemen's club; and Team Girl, Inc.

K
- Kids: Some day we'll have a family.

- Kickboxing or karate: Medb taught us pankration. And Eile boxes.

- Keep a journal?: Duh! Whaddya think our stories are, buster?

L
- Longest Car Ride: My trip from Indiana to Denver when I came out to find Eile.

- Love: Each other! And my parents, our friends, Snowshoe Kitty, Medb, Differel....

- Letter: Never went out for sports.

- Laughed so hard you cried: The day Sunny tried ta give Snowshoe Kitty a bath. The day Eile lost her bathing suit at the beach.

- Love at first sight: It was for Sunny, but it took awhile for me.

M
- Milk flavor: Hazelnut, rah, rah!

- Movie: Eile loves action-suspense, thrillers, gory horror flicks, and screwball comedies with gross humor. Sunny loves adventure and war movies, romantic-comedies, science fiction, and fantasy flicks.

- Mooned anyone?: Hell, no. My parents were members of a private nude beach, so you could say I mooned everybody!

- Marriage: [sigh] Some day.

- Motion sickness?: Never.

- McD's or BK: Carl Jr's!

N
- Number of siblings: None, sadly.

- Number of piercings: Eleven, nine on Eile, two on me. Though I'm thinking about getting my belly button pierced. Over my dead body, Missy!

- Number: Eile's an 8 (infinite and self-contained all at once). I'm a 9, who's hoping she'll never become a 6.

O
- Overused phrases: Buster; my word; Missy; partner; it's who we are and what we do.

- One wish: A family. That I knew Eile all my life.

- One phobia: Eile hates spiders. Sunny can't stand Ewoks.

P
- Place you'd like to live: Anywhere with Eile!

- Pepsi/Coke: Coke. Pepsi. Coke! Pepsi! Coke!! Pepsi!! Coke!!! Pepsi!!! COKE!!! PEPSI!!! {in unison] ROOT BEER!!!!!!

Q
- Quail: They're so cute and plump.

- Questionnaires: ...Umm, next question.

R
- Reason to cry: Imagining what my life would be like without Sunny. Having no adventures!

- Reality T.V.: Our lives ARE reality TV.

- Radio station: Anything we can dance to!

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: No, but I can --- GAAAH, Sunny! Don't tell them that!

S
- Song: Eile loves the Moody Blues, Frank Lloyd Webber, Jennifer Rush, and Bonnie Tyler. Sunny loves Billy Joel --- He's a god! --- Elton John, Sarah Brightman, and Celine Dion. We both love many contemporary artists.

- Shoe size: Get a life, ya perv!

- Sushi: Eile loves it; yuck! Sunny calls it bait.

- Skipped school: No, never.

- Slept outside: More times than we can count, not always because we wanted to.

- Seen a dead body?: Yeah, unfortunately.

- Smoked?: Never. We won't even let people smoke around us, if we can help it.

- Skinny dipped?: Not by choice. As often as I can!

- Shower daily?: Yeah, just about, but we only wash our hair about three times a week.

- Sing well?: We think so.

- In the shower?: Heavens, no, we're too busy doing other things more fun!

- Swear?: Eile swears like a sailor. I do not!

- Stuffed animals?: Oh, please. Why have stuffed animals when you can have the real thing?

- Single/Group dates: Mostly single, but we'll go out with one of our friends when she's on a first date, if she asks us.

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Both, though they leave the skin stained.

- Scientists need to invent: A bimbo vaccine. Cold fusion!

T
- Time for bed: Usually around 10, but it varies. And we don't always go to sleep right away. Tee-hee!

- Thunderstorms: Sunny hides in the closet with Kitty. I do not! Okay, then, under the bed --- OW! Stop hitting.

- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No, but I can --- GAAAH, Sunny! Don't tell them that!

U
- Unpredictable: I can read Eile like a book. Whereas Sunny's like a story written with invisible ink.

- Understanding?: With each other.

V
- Vegetable you hate: [in unison] LIMA BEANS! Yuckkkk!!!!

- Vegetable you love: [in unison] BROCCOLI!!!! In cheese sauce!!!!

- Vacation spot: Hard to pick one, we have so many, but Eile loves a fancy hotel and spa. And Sunny loves roughing it in the great outdoors.

W
- Weakness: Eile's got a short temper. And Sunny's a ditz.

- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: None of them, and who would want them too?

- Worst weather: Blizzards and arctic gales.

- Walk with a book on your head?: ...Umm, why would we do a stupid thing like that?

X
- X-Rays: No, thanks, we're trying to cut back. Ha, ha, very funny, ya ditz.

Y
-Year it is now: 2013

-Yellow: Submarine! Submarine?! Yeah, The Yellow Submarine; you know, Pepperland, Blue Meanies, the Beatles --- DOYNG! Story idea! Oh, god, please, no.

Z
- Zoo animal: Barbaric! They should be able to live free!

- Zodiac sign: Eile's an Aries. And Sunny's a Leo.

The Anti-Hero & the Anti-Villain

Many people are familiar with the literary trope known as the anti-hero, but most are unfamiliar with his opposite, the anti-villain. Yet in many ways, these character types simply represent two sides of the same coin.

The anti-hero is defined as a protagonist who lacks the traditional heroic qualities and attributes associated with the classical hero. Early forms of the anti-hero included protagonists who were timid and passive, even cowardly. Later we see characters like Robin Hood, who robbed from the rich to give to the poor. More later portrayals included Faust, who strove too earnestly after an ideal and succumbed to his own hubris, and Falstaff, a drunken, gluttonous buffoon and liar who nonetheless molds the character of the future Henry V of England for the better. In Victorian literature, you have the Byronic hero, an idealized yet flawed character, often portrayed as dark and brooding. More modern versions include the brooding vigilante and the noble criminal.

Three famous examples of anti-heroes include:

Batman, whose personification as the Dark Knight illustrates his shadowy nature, which puts him at odds with more openly heroic superheros;

Bilbo Baggins, who cheats during the riddle-game with Gollum; uses a magic ring of invisibility to commit acts of thievery, hide from friend and foe alike, and attack unseen; and refuses to partake in an epic battle to help his friends; and

Severus Snape, whose dark, brooding, unfriendly nature hides a dedication to good and the protection of his students.

Similarly, the anti-villain can be defined as an antagonist who eschews the traditional villainous qualities and attributes associated with the classical villain. There are two types of anti-villains: those whose goals are wicked while their methods are noble, and those whose goals are noble while their methods are wicked. The latter must not be confused with the so-called accidental villain, whose pursuit of noble goals produces unintended, disastrous consequences. The true anti-villain always knows exactly what the consequences of his actions will be. Nor should he be confused with the anti-hero, who sometimes uses wicked methods to achieve his noble goals. The anti-hero acts contingently, taking what he believes are the correct actions at the moment, but the true anti-villain plans his every move with great care.

Even so, the anti-villain can be a sympathetic character, even more so than the protagonist, because his role as villain is dictated by the demands of the plot. In the "Star Trek: TOS" episode Balance of Terror, the commander of the Romulan Bird of Prey sent to test the cloaking device against Federation defenses is portrayed as a professional soldier who questions his orders but does his best to carry them out. For him, duty is everything, and in this he is Kirk's twin; only the circumstances of the story make him a villain. He even acknowledges this at the end of the episode, when he tells Kirk that under different circumstances the two of them could have been friends. Yet when Kirk offers to rescue him and his surviving crew, he responds that he has one last duty to perform, and destroys his own ship.

Probably the best example of a wicked goal/noble method anti-villain is Lex Luthor. While the nature of his goals and methods have changed, to keep him up to date with current times, for the most part he always works within whatever system he is part of to achieve his goals, virtually never going beyond what is considered acceptable behavior, though he will push the envelope as far as he can. While he would like to destroy Superman, he has no desire to kill Superman's friends and associates or innocent bystanders (the one major exception being Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor in the first Superman movie). He would also love to be able to corrupt Superman and bring him under his control, and he has occasionally worked with Superman to protect Earth.

Meanwhile, three examples of noble goal/wicked method anti-villains would be:

Magneto, who wants to protect mutants and their rights, but is willing to start a war with non-mutants to do it;

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, who wants to bring order, peace, and stability to the galaxy, but is willing to use tyranny and kill innocents to do it; and

Ra's al Ghul, who wants to bring Humanity into environmental balance with nature, but is willing to kill off most of the world's population to do it.

As is probably obvious by now, the primary characteristic shared by both anti-heroes and anti-villains is moral ambiguity. Whereas the anti-hero frequently resorts to immoral methods to achieve a moral goal, an anti-villain can use moral methods to achieve an immoral goal, or may act in a kind, principled, even benevolent manner while pursuing far more nefarious ends. And in those cases where both the anti-hero and the anti-villain pursue moral goals but use immoral methods, the anti-hero may be even more ruthless or selfish than the anti-villain, but he is still considered to be the protagonist, either because his goal is viewed as more laudable or because he is directly opposed by the anti-villain. In extremely relativistic or postmodern, it can often be very difficult to distinguish the anti-hero from the anti-villain, especially if their respective goals are as morally ambiguous as their methods.

I deliberately developed Medb hErenn to be an anti-hero. She follows a code of honor, but no specific moral code. She describes herself as selfish, treacherous, deceitful, vindictive, acquisitive, and ambitious, and she will not hesitate to commit acts of barbarity, such as killing helpless prisoners or pregnant women in cold blood to achieve her ends. Yet she also always does what is right to her way of thinking, she will not back down from a fight no matter how hopeless, she never lies or goes back on her word, and she will willingly sacrifice her own life to save a friend or defend those under her protection.

Contrarily, I developed her arch-nemesis, Elatha the Fomórach (Fomorian in English), to be a true anti-villain, specifically a wicked goal/noble method type. As a Fomorian, he is dedicated to the advancement of his people and would like to see them rule the world. Yet he does not engage in the abuse of power his fellow Fomorians practice to one degree or another. To illustrate this, Elatha takes on a beautiful form, rather than the horrific or beautiful-but-terrible forms most others take. He also believes in treating subject races kindly and with respect, but not out of any belief in fundamental rights or because he believes it is the right thing to do. He advocates it because he has the power to do so, and for the same reason an owner properly treats a dog or horse: it will do more work and do so willingly if kindly treated. In this way, he is more like Nietzsche's Master or Plato's philosopher king than Thomas Jefferson.

Ultimately, he is Medb's antagonist for one reason only: he opposes her actions, and in time comes to hate her so much he will do whatever he must to destroy her, even if that means destroying the whole world and himself. With Medb, though, the feeling is mutual, and she will not hesitate to take any opportunity to destroy him, though she won't go the extreme he does. Even so, there have been times when they have cooperated to achieve a goal they share, and there is a mutual, if grudging, respect between them.

Another anti-villain in the Medb hErenn universe is Lucifer, litter-brother to Selgach Mór the High Queen of All Cats, with powers equal to her own. He is a noble goal/wicked method type, in that his only aim is to protect Felinekind, but he will ruthlessly and mercilessly destroy any threat to their well-being, or any obstacle to their advancement. While not truly an enemy of Medb, he is the one opponent she truly respects and fears, and while they have cooperated at times, she knows he would not hesitate to kill her should he ever perceive her as a threat to cats, and not even the Cat Queen's patronage and protection would make him hesitate. For his part, he respects her power and honors her for the aid she has rendered to Felinekind.